Fear of Not Being Good Enough

Are you ever gonna be good enough, Kathy?

Wow, that's a tough question. I don't think we're. It depends on what we're judging against. So it's really easy. And like Cosmopolitan, all those magazines, we go through them and we will never look like the models in them. They're incredibly beautiful, conventionally beautiful people that are then airbrushed to look even more skinny and perfect. Every crease is taken out. So I don't think we can ever look like those. And those are what. That's what's held up as physical beauty, as physically good enough. And I think that we can get in a trap where we're continually chasing what's outside of us as good enough versus what's in here. Who am I as an expression that I feel proud of myself? And they're very different things to chase.

Hi, I'm Rick from Thriving Now. This is Kathy from theintimacydojo.com and thriving now. And this question is so dear because it comes up with clients all the time. Once you develop a relationship, many times people will reveal, I just don't feel good enough. To me, that's always. It seems to go along with someone who is really a beautiful being in so many ways that I perceive.

Well, I think that you don't care about being good enough unless you're a very caring person.

Yeah, the person who isn't caring, that's not the way that their orientation is to life and relationships. It's not important whether you think that they're good enough or not. They're having the time of their life and your reaction doesn't matter. I'm not wired that way. I'm aware and sensitive to the ways that people are interacting. But this idea of not being good enough is one of those things that we seem to pick up in childhood. And it often comes from that there's a dominant person in our lives or two or three or seven, and they are looking down on you and you're trying to feel like you're part of the family, part of the circle, part of the community.

So good brain, like wanting to belong, be good enough, status wise to fit in and add value to your community.

And you know, so that, like, for me, I became a brain delivery system because the thing that I seemed to get affirmation for was how smart. Oh, he's so smart. Oh, he's so smart. And that felt like that was what it was, a trap. And we covered that in another session. It was a trap into being a certain way, the smart one. And that is, even if you're really smart, that's not comfortable. It's not balancing. So the first thing that this not good enough for what? That helps your primitive brain start looking for things that you really aren't good enough. Like I am not good enough to do brain surgery.

Yeah. And I would encourage you not to.

I encourage you not to do brain surgery. I am not good enough to walk on my hands all the way downtown without falling. That's so disappointing. I am such a disappointing person. I can't walk. I used to be able to walk on my hands at least for 10ft. Now I can't even do that. I have such a disappointment. Oh, I am not good enough to walk on my hands all the way downtown. Now I'm really gonna invite people to play with this because this energy is such a big deal. It acts like both a weight and a cattle prod. Right.

That adrenaline, like, I've got to push myself to do it. We're not gonna solve that in this video. Like, if you're watching this, you know, we try to keep our videos relatively short so you can get it a little bit and move forward. But what we'd really love is for you to walk away with a sense of calmness, even if it's this little peace in your heart of, maybe I'm okay just as I am, or maybe I don't have to push myself quite so hard. Those little changes add up. And if you listen and tap along, you'll hear different things. Each time you hear it, your brain will be like, oh, it will start to seep in. And over time, it's a process, a journey. And I still have days when I'm tired or things are not going well where I go, oh, my God, I'm not good enough. No one's gonna love me. Like, we have days. But we can definitely get the resiliency going up where we don't feel constantly at the whim of everyone's look. Like, oh, they looked at me that way. They must be unhappy when maybe they just had an itch on their shoulder and they didn't even see us. Like, we're so influenced by the outside. Wins versus wow. I really like who I'm being today. And I would like to be of service to other people if that meets that. Rather than have to be to be safe, have to be to be loved.

And for sensitive people, this feeling of not being good enough really doesn't keep you in your sweet spot. And so, in addition to being ridiculous, what Kathy and I are wanting you to do is to tune in.

Sorry.

What we're wanting you to tune into is the chime part of you that I am good enough to kind of ride a little interruption. I am good enough to be able to smile and let go of the need to be perfect in this moment, just right now. I mean, I can be perfect later, right in this moment. I'm. I'm good enough to give a little silly grin right now. And when you're doing both, you're starting to rock your frozen energy, you're starting to warm and nourish, and you start feeling like, ah, I'm not good enough to do that. And that's okay. I am good enough to do this.

Thing that's true to me, it's not so completely frozen. And I think that there is a certain cycle to that. So, like, if I'm feeling really bad about myself, feeling very judged or not good enough, I might not do self care. But if I start moving a little bit, I'm like, wow, I'm thirsty. I'm gonna take a sip of water. Then I start feeling better about myself because I just took care of myself. And it builds on itself. My body feels a little nourished. I don't feel like my tank's a little fuller, so I'm a little more resilient. And then I might do something else that's gentle and loving to myself. So sometimes we have to have a little bit of a jump start. But once we start on that, like, oh, I'm choosing to feel good about myself. I'm choosing to take those little actions. I'm gonna eat a little something or rest or ask for some support. But when we're in that frozen space is what you're describing, it doesn't seem like it's possible.

Yeah, and there's a. We're working with this energy of being seen. We're coming forward, encouraging people to emerge into something that's really nourishing for your head, your heart, your gut, your body. And in that, there are probably people in your life that you're never going to feel like you're good enough. It's okay to kind of set them aside for now. And I'm encouraging you that maybe that you're good enough to be open to a hug from someone that you know is going to be really happy with that you may not. You don't always have to be open to a hug, but maybe in that moment you can be, or you're feeling good enough to be able to be present in A meeting where everyone is really stressed. But you're. You're feeling your feet on the floor.

You're. You imagine yourself tapped those fingertip points under the table. I'm like, no one can see me. I'm good. I'm just. Or like, like, everyone's stressed. It's okay. Like, and I can just calm myself down and that's self care and doing something for myself. Would you be willing to lead some tapping on this?

Feel your weight. Feel gravity working. Start tapping the karate chop. Even though I'm never gonna be good enough.

Even though I'm never gonna be good enough.

What if that's okay?

What if that's okay?

What if I'm never gonna be good enough?

What if I'm never gonna be good enough?

Because that's a really silly question.

Because that's a really silly question.

It encompasses everything.

Encompasses everything.

And not just my standards, but everyone else's.

Not just my standards, but everyone else's.

I'm open to the possibility that not being good enough.

I'm open to the possibility of not being good enough.

Could be ultimate freedom.

Could be ultimate freedom.

I'm not good enough.

I'm not good enough.

Yay.

Yay.

I'm not good enough.

I'm not good enough.

Yeah. And that feeling has hurt.

That feeling has hurt.

It felt like I would never be good enough.

Felt like I would never be good enough.

And being good enough was all that mattered.

And being good enough was all that mattered.

And I'm starting to grow out of that.

I'm starting to grow out of that.

Under the arm. There are things I'm good enough at.

There are things I'm good enough at.

I can actually drink water.

I can actually drink water.

And I can even laugh a little.

And I can even laugh a little. Like Rick said, sometimes just a little bit can break that freeze response and start a cycle where you're like, okay, I feel like I'm not good enough. I feel like everybody else is better than me at something, which is probably true. Like, I could be the best cook that I know in my family. And someone else, like the top, you know, whatever fancy chef is gonna be better. And if I look at different people, I'm always gonna find someone better than me. What if I'm just perfect the way I am? What if who I get to express myself as is love, and we don't get there overnight, but breaking that freeze response and letting yourself start to feel and move and drink a glass of water, a sip of water, all those things are going to start making a difference, as silly and small as they seem. And we want you to walk through the world with that little bit of hope in your heart, a little bit of calm space, because that may surprise you, but most people don't have that. And that little bit you have can really touch other people and help them feel safe.

Know that it's very useful for all of us to share the areas where we just felt never going to be good enough. And so if you have some of that coming up for you, feel free to leave it in the comments and we will reply to you whenever we can. And we're also available. SupportRivingNow.com this is our heart's mission. I think whether you're good enough or not is a terrible question. You can contribute. The things that are your superpowers, the things that are your sensitivity, have a way of helping nourish our ecosystem. Thank you.

Very fat. Yeah. And just, you know, sometimes the thing we're most ashamed of is the thing that serves the most. And I've been in multiple places where people are like, I feel so awkward, I feel so uncomfortable or bad at this. And people like, oh, okay, I have room to be okay. I don't have to be perfect. Like, I added so much by showing the flaw that I was perceiving about myself. So realize that what you think is awful may be wonderful or helpful to someone else.