Feel Trapped Into Being a Certain Way?

Kathy, have you ever felt trapped into being a certain way, behaving a certain way and felt really constrained by that?

All the time. It's amazing how frequently we have patterns and expectations and you know, sometimes it's just my own internal expectations and sometimes it's what I expect of me and what other people expect. Sometimes they're just like, why would you do that? Like, because I want to. So there's, I think as sensitive beings, especially people that are energetically sensitive, we pick up on that. And if we're wanting to help people feel comfortable and safe and the way I was raised was that you kind of accommodated that you were what people expected of you because that made them feel safe and maybe they would be friends with you or love you. And that pressure can be huge, especially when our primitive brain's like, I want to belong, I want to be safe. I want people to care about me. If I do something different, they may not trust me, they may not respect me, they may not want me around. And that pressure is huge sometimes. But it also can stop us from being new or being doing something different or stepping outside our comfort zones or even just trying to be who we are in the moment. If we're someone who always does something, that's something like I'm always doing things and helping and if I just happen to be tired, I want to be self care or I just don't feel like doing it all that day, there's sometimes I'll just like ride the momentum of everyone's expectations, including mine, and I'll not take care of myself. And I think that is a missed opportunity.

I'm Rick from Thriving Now. This is Kathy from theintimacydojo.com and thriving now. And we want you to feel comfortable in your fuller range. And that's so important when we want to be seen, when we want to be out there. If you don't feel like you can be in your range, like if you're always having to be the person at the party that's taking care of things, getting things set up, doing things to clean up, but you don't feel like that, it means you're either not going to have the party or you're going to be in that doing stuff that you don't want to do and people are going to pick up on that, it changes the space. And so what are some of the things that you do if you feel like you're not really in the way that people expect, whether it's at work or in a social event? Your Emotional energy isn't there. What you're coming there for isn't what everyone would expect Kathy to do and be. What are some of the ways that you prepare for that, for being seen in a different way?

One of my favorite ways, and it takes a little courage to build up the approach. But as I just tell people, hey, I'm going to try something different today.

How do they react to that one?

You know, a lot of people are great about it, especially Frame. You know, I always, I love to do things for people. I'm usually the person at the party, for example, that does everything. And you know what? Tonight I'm feeling kind of tired and I'm going to practice self care. So I'd love your help. If you see me doing stuff, would you check in and say, hey, are you doing that because you want to or because you usually do? And if you give people a context and then invite them, like they're not obligated to do it, but you invite them to do something to help you, it's funny because people had fun coming up and like, hey, put that down. I got that. I'm like, oh, no. I really felt like, nope, nope, give it to me. Just go practice this.

You're going to stretch your capacity for self care because you've invited them to do that. I think that that helps tune people to. You want to be somewhere else in your range. Because I think that we've done other work with people around expectations and agreements. I think that our brain goes on autopilot. We expect people to be a certain way. I expect my friend Tom to be open to dancing with me now. If he came to me and said, hey, I'm really wanting to dance in my own space today, I'd be like, yeah, absolutely. I'll even. Do you want me to help scoop people away from you if they start getting in your face? Yeah. It allows me now, if I don't have that communication, if he hasn't allowed himself to be seen vulnerably changing into another aspect of himself, well, then I might be like, well, what's up? Is there something between us? My primitive brain kicks in.

Yeah. Is he mad at me? Did I say something wrong the last time? Like all this stuff can come up.

Yeah. And so we want you to hear that there are ways of dialoguing and communicating with people in a gentle way, asking for their support, asking for their help. And Kathy and I have been doing this and practicing this for a few years now and it still surprises me how well it works because I think that expectations wise for myself and I'd love it if you'd lead us in a tapping on this, Kathy, is that the expectation is that I should be a certain way, because that works. I know that I fit in if I do this. The cool thing here is that if you address that energy of I should be a certain way so that I fit in, then you'll feel less pressure on yourself and you'll notice that there are other ways of fitting in which allows you to be seen in other places. Like if you're the person who's always the leader and the caretaker and you feel like the space isn't right for that, you may not know what to do. It's like, I usually take care of people. I don't know what to do. It also will free up the energy. If you're used to being kind of the shy, like holding space person and.

You want to be more outgoing.

And you want to be more outgoing.

And if you're listening to this and going, there are people that I could tell this to and they would not get this at all. We understand. It's okay. We're just focusing right now on people that we could actually communicate with. But I have people in my life, I could absolutely tell them I'm going to be different and they would have no space for that. So if that's coming up for you, just take a deep breath and tap along anyway, because I'm sure there's some people in your life or there may be new people coming into your life who can really hear you. So we encourage them anyway and we.

Want to be one of those as well.

Yeah, nice deep breath. Feel your feet on the floor. Feel your butt in the chair. Feel how supported you are by the universe. You're right here hearing our voices. We care about you and we want you to have more freedom. So karate chop. Even though there's a lot of expectations.

Out there, even though there are a lot of expectations out there, and a.

Lot in here, too.

And a lot in here, too.

I choose to allow myself to be just who I am right now.

I choose to allow myself to be just as I am right now.

That may not be outgoing.

And that may not be outgoing.

It may not be shy.

It may not be shy.

It may not be helpful.

It may not be helpful.

Or it may be very helpful.

Or it may be very helpful.

And that's all okay.

And that's all okay.

Top of that. Even though it may feel awkward, Even.

Though it may feel awkward.

Eyebrow. And people may be Uncomfortable.

And people may be uncomfortable.

I started this Sardiya. I started this pattern at one point.

I started this pattern at one point, under the eye.

By behaving a certain way.

By behaving a certain way.

All that happened is they decided that's who I am.

And they decided who I am.

Should I decided who I am.

I decided who I am.

But I don't want to be limited anymore.

But I don't want to be limited anymore.

Under the arm. So I choose to be who I am right now.

So I choose to be who I am right now.

Top of the head. And that gives other people permission to be who they are.

And that gives other people permission to be who they are.

And that's a true gift.

And that's a true gift.

Nice deep breath. I think it's true. Like, if we're allowing other people to be uncomfortable and we're different and we're feeling our discomfort and doing it anyway, people will start seeing us being who we are. And if we can with people we feel safe with, we feel comfortable with, we can say, hey, this is what's happening. It's like, oh, you mean I can be different. I don't always have to kill myself to be exactly the same. And that gets us out of that frozen. Like, I have to be exactly the same. I have to be perfect to be okay. And let's just start exploring who we are and when we are who we are in the moment. That's a beautiful connection. We can offer genuine presence with people. We're not in our heads thinking, I wonder what they expect me to be so I can be it. That's not present, that's just lost and I'm rast. As opposed to, who am I right now? Who am I choosing to be with this person who's right in front of me, which is incredibly nourishing.

Thank you.

Thank you, everyone. We hope this helped. We hope that you feel free to explore who you are in the moment. And we'd love to know what you think. Leave comments below.