How Do You Deal With Stress Around Children?
This is a YouTube video titled "How Do You Deal With Stress Around Children?" created in March 2017. The content features Kathy Vartulli discussing strategies for managing stress related to parenting and children's responsibilities, including a guided tapping exercise to release stress. Rick Wilkes is briefly introduced but does not actively participate in the conversation. The video focuses on parenting challenges and emotional regulation techniques.
How do you deal with stress, especially stress with children? It can be very frustrating sometimes. And someone wrote in and said, one, I can't believe you guys want to hear this stuff, but you asked. So here is something that stresses me. I'm having to remind my kids to do the same thing every day. Like, they've never had to get ready for school before and don't know how to clean their teeth. And even if I remind them, they still don't do it. What can I do? This is rick Wilkes from thrivingnow.com and.
This is Kathy Vartulli from Thriving Now. And I have two adult kids. And I remember this phase. And one of the ways that helped me was to tune myself to the appropriate level of responsibility. You know, when a child is two or three, teaching them how to brush their teeth is different than when they're 8, 9, 10, 13, 15. And if I was trying to take on more responsibility than was appropriate for their age, then I would feel really stressful inside my body. It was, I think, a way that my inner parent was saying, hey, there's a different way to tune here. And that's why we like to use tapping, because it gives you a chance to acknowledge the stress in your body and then bring forward your own intuition, which may come up with some answers that you really haven't applied yet because you're really sort of stuck in a stress response where you're taking on responsibility that they're not responding to.
Yeah, I know for myself, I don't have children, but I definitely babysat a lot for my brothers and sisters. And I know if I had an agenda about something, if I felt like, and I'm just guessing, like, maybe you think if they're not dressed correctly and their teeth aren't clean and their breath isn't fresh, that you're a bad mom. If I had an agenda about myself and I asked them to do something, there was a lot of resistance, and I felt that, too. Like, my mom needed me to write a letter or thank you letter because it made her feel good versus, like, you know, letting me have responsibility. Like, your friends did this nice thing. Would you like to thank them for it? So. And I love that you let your son, when he was old enough to make that decision. You're like, if you don't want to brush your teeth, you don't have to. It's your. You know, your friends are gonna.
It's your teeth.
Yes.
You know, if the resources have to be allocated to more dental than play and adventure, then those are consequences and it's not. I think that part of the thing that happens is that if we try to create consequences to punish, that will also feel tense and stressful inside of our body. But there are natural consequences to taking care of yourself. We all know as adults that self care is important, and we can model that. And we can also, again, calm the reaction in our body so that when we're engaging with another human being or engaging with a horse, we know that holding a strong position, that this is what's right. These are the prerequisites for going out. These are the prerequisites for taking care of the family, whether it's changing a light bulb or something like that. Shall we do some tapping?
Yeah, I'd love to do it. So, first of all, just, we always encourage you to take a nice, slow, deep breath and feel your feet. Wiggle them on the floor. Feel them in your socks or bare feet or your shoes, whatever they are. Your butt in the chair. You're supported right now. And I invite you to tune in to what it means to you if they don't brush their teeth, if they're not ready in time and feel in your body and notice what's coming up. Because often we have stories about this. Yes. And we tend to put, when we're very responsible people, very intelligent people, we tend to think we have to do everything. It's all on us to make it happen, rather than sharing the responsibility together. So is it okay if I leave some tapping on it?
Absolutely.
Okay. Again, nice, slow, deep breath. Karate chop. Even though I feel like this is.
All on me, Even though I feel like this is all on me and.
I have to take care of everything.
And I have to take care of.
Everything or they'll never get ready.
Or they will never get ready.
They are their own beings.
They are their own beings.
And I don't have complete control.
And I do not have complete control.
I want to have complete control.
I really want to have complete control.
I choose to release some of this.
Responsibility I choose to release some of.
This responsibility and let them live their own lives.
And let them live their own lives.
As is age responsible.
As is age responsible.
Top of the head. I feel like it's all on me.
I feel like it's all on me.
Eyebrow. I feel like I have to take care of everything.
I feel like I have to take care of everything.
Side of the eye. It would be literally easier if I just brush their teeth myself it would.
Be easier if I could just brush their teeth myself under the eye.
But that doesn't teach them skills.
But that doesn't teach them skills.
Under the nose. That doesn't teach them responsibility.
That does not teach them responsibility.
Chin. Part of my job is to teach them how to care for their bodies.
Part of my job is to teach them how to care for their bodies.
Collarbone. And to let them face the consequences now.
And let them face some consequences now.
Under the arm. Well, I'm still there to help them figure it out.
Well, I'm still there to help them figure it out.
Top of the head. Maybe this isn't all on me.
Maybe this isn't all on me.
Maybe I can let go of some of the stress.
Maybe I can just let go of.
Some of this stress. Nice deep breath.
And if you need to shake your hands out and just tune into your body, getting out of your head, feeling your feet on the floor again, and taking another deep breath. We know that when you're interacting with another human and you're stressed, they're either going to check out or feel that stress and add to it. It's called the primitive brain. The more that you can be grounded and centered, the more likely it is that people will hear you and understand and feel the balance that you're offering. The invitation that you're.
If you can just be present with them as they are, maybe discuss with them, hey, this is not acceptable. I can't keep reminding you. What can we do to help you be responsible for this and just actually letting them, you know, discuss with you how they can be responsible. And if they say, oh, you need to remind me, you can actually say, you get to have boundaries. No, you're old enough now that I don't need to and I'm not willing to. So you get to set gentle boundaries. And if you have emotions coming up or thoughts like, I'm a bad mother if I don't do this, do some tapping on that and release some of those beliefs so you can be real with them without the social constructs or the pressure. We hope this helped. Please leave comments below. We'd love to know what you think.
