Stressed Out Wondering If The Relationship Is Going To End?

Have you ever had stress, wondering, is this relationship going to end? I've had that even in really good relationships and in relationships that we're struggling. And it can be something that occupies so much of our mind. The hamsters are just running and running. And even when there's nothing new to think about, it can just go over and over because our primitive brain really wants to solve this. This is Rick Wilkes from Thriving now, and I'm Kathy Martulli from thrivingnow.com and.

Theintimacydojo.Com yeah, people who really deeply value emotional connection and also people that are scared of being alone. We will respond and feel reactions in our body. And there is an uncertainty. When we were all bound together in a tribe, we were fighting for survival, trying to find food and fighting off actual lions.

There really wasn't someplace else to go either.

Right. And you were bonded, literally bonded together, life or death. And that's when it ended. You might wonder whether someone was going to die, but not whether they were going to divorce you or end the relationship or decide to go off to college in Guatemala. And you're not really interested in going to Guatemala with them. And the thing is, for us, we know that a relationship in the now can either be really sweet and connected, or it can have a lot of noise. And this uncertainty noise, as it starts radiating from our body when we're holding their hand, it's like, are you going to leave me? When you look at them and they say how much they enjoy being with you, there can be a part of us that goes, yeah, until you're going to leave. Is this coming to an end? And even when they just are in a place where they're distracted or focused elsewhere, it can feel like they're moving away. Kathy, what have you found that we can do as human beings to stay in the now and thrive there versus being in that tension?

Yeah, this is not a good place to be. One thing I look at now is, is it an upper limit? This is something gay Hendricks talks. Things are going really well. My brain will sometimes start chewing on that because I don't know how to feel as good as I'm feeling. Like I want to pull myself down subconsciously a little bit so that I don't have to feel this good because it's scary. Intense feelings are scary. Ones we're not used to are frightening to us. So I look at isn't an upper limit. And if it is, I can love myself for being scared, Maybe do some tapping, share with my partner, hey, I just want to let you know, this is so good that I'm noticing. I'm a little afraid. And just getting out there is really powerful. And if there's real concerns again, I'd like to come back to just loving myself. Okay, I'm here for me no matter what. And sometimes sharing with my partner is appropriate. It's like, hey, you know, I'm noticing that I'm feeling insecure. If it's true for you, would you offer me some reassurance or share some things you appreciate about a relationship? Because that can quiet it. And I really love tapping on the fears that are coming up.

Yeah. Would you lead us in some tapping and kind of how you go about it? How do you tune into that? Because it seems like it's a noisy, dowdy worry. It's hard to get away from that upper limit is one aspect of it. And then the kind of the moving away, that's a natural part of the ebb and flow. Like the moon is closer and further and closer and further. We as humans are close and further and closer and further too.

What do you do times when relationships are genuinely ending or going through a bad time. Like you said, it could be part of the normal dance of relationships where people are inhaling and getting closer, exhaling to get a little further away. That's a natural dance. And there's times when the relationship genuinely is struggling or needs to end. So if you can just take a nice, slow, deep breath, feel your feet on the floor, and get grounded in your body. I think a lot of what happens is that people put all their power on somebody else. They just that their happiness depends on that person. That person is the sole access they have to feeling good, to having connection. And if you can just connect with yourself and remind yourself, hey, this is my power too. I have it as well. And then just be in your body if you can, because your body is a source of so much connection and love. And then we'll do some tapping. Karate chop. Even though I am struggling right now.

Even though I am struggling right now.

And it could be because things are really good.

And it could be because things are really good.

And it could be because things are really bad.

And it could be because things are really bad.

It doesn't really matter right this second. Hmm.

It doesn't really matter right this second.

Right this moment.

Right this moment.

I choose to connect with myself.

I choose to connect to myself.

And I remind myself that I'm here no matter what.

And I remind myself that I'm here no matter what.

Top of that. Hey, primitive brain.

Hey, primitive brain.

Iroh. I appreciate you.

It froze up here on my side. I appreciate you worrying. I appreciate you worrying.

So under the eye. It's going to be okay.

It's going to be okay under the eye.

I know you want to protect me.

I know you want to protect me under the nose.

And I really appreciate that.

I really appreciate that.

Chin. And there are a lot more people now.

And there are a lot more people now.

Calibone. It's not like mom and dad might.

Desert me it's not like mom and dad might desert me or did under the arm.

And I really care about this person.

And I do really care about this person.

Top of the head. But clinging doesn't always help.

Yeah, clinging doesn't always help.

I wrote, I choose to love myself right now.

I choose to love myself right now.

Side of the eye. I choose to be present with my.

Body and I choose to be present with my body under the eye.

I choose to look at all the people around me who care I choose.

To look at all the people around.

Me that care under the nose and reconnect with them, too.

And reconnect with them, too.

Chin. It's okay to worry.

It's okay to worry.

It's okay to release this worry, too.

And it is okay to release this worry under the arm.

I deserve to have love.

I deserve to have love.

Top of the head. And I deserve to be connected with myself.

And I deserve to be connected with myself.

Take a nice, slow, deep breath. And I do think the worry, that fear of someone moving away is sometimes an inverted way of looking at something. Like, if I'm relying on one person too much, that worry is going to be louder. And I use that as a barometer to say, okay, one, is there something going wrong? Or two, am I relying too much on one person who may not be willing to be there for that much? And then I can recalibrate and say, hey, I've been hanging out with Jim a lot. And sue and Tom. Let's go to the movies tonight.

One of my clients said just yesterday that one of the hardest things about a relationship ending that happened in June was that she had relied on this person so much, almost totally for her emotional support. And that awareness has allowed her to recognize that building out a community, a circle of people that all are resourceful. You know, I have people that have great laughs, and I have people that are the best listeners ever and people that want to dance and play and others that would hold your head and hold your heart while you cry. And sometimes those are the same people. But when we think of this as an ecosystem, and that's what we're encouraging, all of us, take care of the reaction that your body has. Honor it. It's a sacred reaction. It has information for you. But the noise is not the information. The information is what will come to you after you quiet the noise.

Yep. Yeah. Please leave comments below.

Yay. We'd love to hear from you and share how this can help you develop deeper relationships.

Yeah. Thanks so much for sharing.