In this personal monologue, the speaker recounts her journey of realizing and embracing her attraction to women, describing the disorienting and uncomfortable process of coming out as akin to a snake shedding its skin. She reflects on the pressures of heteronormative femininity—beauty standards, grooming expectations, and the expectation of relationships with men—that she felt compelled to follow. A pivotal moment occurred when she met a lesbian, began questioning her own desires, and eventually kissed a woman at an early LGBTQ meeting, which clarified her identity. She notes that she came out at age 20, has lived as a lesbian/queer for 41 years, and is now 61. The speaker introduces the Conscious Girlfriend Academy, a space she created to welcome women who love women and adjacent non‑binary people, offering a safe environment for questioning sexuality and gender. She highlights the importance of freedom, authenticity, and community support, quoting a colleague about straight women not lying awake wondering if they might be gay. The talk also includes a lighthearted mention of her cat, Mr. Yellow, who “knows lesbians from all over the world.” The overall message is that coming out is a path to personal freedom and that inclusive communities can help others navigate that journey.
Chapters
So I remember when I was coming out, or, you know, it's like we don't really even know that we're coming out until after we've come out. But I remember when I was in that kind of uncomfortable process, like if you've ever watched a snake literally getting ready to shed its skin, their eyes get kind of cloudy and they start to move in a way where you can tell they're just uncomfortable in their bodies. It's disorienting. It's, you know, I don't think they know what's going to happen to them. And that's what I felt when I was realizing that I wanted to leave behind the life that I had constructed that was very much organized around being in intimate relationships with men, being attractive men, being attracted to men. Um, you know, as a typical heterosexual woman, and having witnessed my mother live that, that life as well, I just felt like straightness was the water that I swam in. And so when I first met a lesbian and then started thinking about, hmm, would I be potentially attracted to women, and then realized that I was, and then I was in a relationship with a man at the time, and I started to feel dissatisfied, and I started to really think about what it would be like to be with women. And I felt really drawn to women's bodies, but also to a sense of the greater emotional intimacy and the greater equality that I sensed I would get to have in a relationship with a woman. And I also felt drawn to the greater levels of freedom in this society. Because for me personally, being a heterosexually identified woman, I felt so much pressure to look certain ways, dress certain ways, do certain things like, you know, the shaving, the waxing, the makeup, the plucking, the this, the that. And there's nothing wrong with doing any of those things, right, if, if you're doing it because you want to. But it was the social expectation that I was supposed to that, that really was hard for me. My cat is here. Let me introduce you. This is Mr. Yellow. Mr. Yellow knows lesbians from all over the world, and sometimes he shows up on the Zoom calls. Um, yes. Hi, sweet pea. So, um, I still remember what it was like. I had some acquaintances at the time who were lesbians, and I remember looking at them and feeling like they existed on the other side of the Grand Canyon. I could not imagine how they had gotten there and how they managed to live on that other side. So when I went to my first LGBTQ meeting, that was before the community had reclaimed the word queer, and the Q at the time stood for questioning. I remember I was very clear, like, hey, I'm just Q, you know, I'm just questioning. And then a little while later, I got to kiss a woman in that group, and I stopped having so many questions because the answers started getting clearer to me. Here's Mr. Yellow's tail. Um, so in the Academy, I have designed the programs really from an awareness, a memory of what that vulnerability was like, what it was like for me personally to walk that road. And I've also gotten to speak with hundreds of other women walking that road. One of my colleagues, Anne-Marie Zonsal, has a great line. She says, you know, straight women don't lie in bed at night wondering if they might be gay. I love that because I think it's so true that if you're even questioning, there's a reason behind it. But there is no mold you have to fit in. I feel really strongly about the fact that that for me, and it's been 41 years now since I came out. I'm 61. That was when I was 20. Being lesbian, or being queer as I also now identify, has always been about freedom. The freedom to live as I feel in my heart, in my body, is congruent for me. It is not about fitting into a box. It is not about letting Anybody define me. And so the Conscious Girlfriend Academy is a space that is really welcoming to all women who love women or want to, and all adjacent non-binary people. So whether you're questioning your sexuality, you're questioning your gender, you're arriving at more expanded understandings of your sexuality or your gender, this is a space where you can be safe to do that, safe to be in a process of discovery and ongoing alignment with your deep self. So look forward to seeing you soon. Okay, bye-bye.
