This content was created by Ruth L. Schwartz. This content was uploaded by Ruth L. Schwartz. This is a YouTube video titled "Lesbian/Queer Bedroom Communication: How To Know What You Want, & Get More Of It" (posted June 19, 2026). It is a single-speaker talk/promotion in which the presenter—who notes she has been a lesbian for 44 years—addresses lesbian and queer sexual communication, dispels the myth that two women will 'automatically know' each other's needs, and outlines barriers (slut‑shaming, trauma, body shame, internalized homophobia, religious shame) to open sexual communication. The speaker explains the need for explicit dialogue to increase pleasure, intimacy, and even spiritual experiences, and promotes an upcoming class on June 29 co-taught with Kat Kolagas, inviting viewers to attend or watch the recording.
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So I want to talk about lesbian queer sex and sexual communication for a minute because I have heard so many straight people have this myth that when we are 2 women together, we have the same bodies and so we will automatically know what to do. Now I've been a lesbian for 44 years now and I wish that myth were true. And guess what? It's not. Because although 2 women together do have the same basic anatomy, we are actually tremendously different in how our sexual pleasure works and also how our erotic psyches work. And so what might feel amazing to one person can do nothing for another person and vice versa. And so to really be a good lover— and by that I mean in a sense to be able to really receive the pleasure that the person that you're with hopes for you to be able to have, as well as to be able to give them the pleasure that you, and probably they, hope for them to be able to have. It does take communication. The problem is communication isn't easy when we are working with this aspect of life, sexuality, lesbian, queer sexuality, that so many of us have so many barriers to. You know, like between the, the slut-shaming, women are not supposed to like sex, So many of us have been transgressed against, abused. We've got places of trauma in our, in our bodies, on our erotic psyches. We have self-consciousness about our bodies. We might have body shame. We have internalized homophobia. We might have religious shame. So many barriers. And then part of why sex feels so juicy and important is because it's so vulnerable. And so when it works well, it is so bonding. It is just phenomenal. I don't know for anybody watching this, if you've ever had really good sex, you probably felt like, oh my God, this is the best thing on earth. And if you've ever had sex that didn't work well for you, that you didn't really want, or maybe you wanted it, but how the other person was showing up or even how your body was responding, it just wasn't working. It can be like, oh my God, why would I ever want to have sex again? This is so unpleasant and uncomfortable. Maybe it even feels violating. So sex is vast, and most of us have so few tools to be able to really communicate clearly and honestly about what we want and how it works for us. Most of us haven't even had that much opportunity to discover what we want and how it works for us. And then to be able to engage in this kind of conversation with a partner who probably also may not have had that much opportunity to discover what she wants and what works for her. There can be so much scary, awkward, embarrassing, vulnerable risk-taking in, in just sharing and also in listening. But, and when we can do it well, the results can be phenomenal in terms of both increased pleasure and increased intimacy and these places that sex can can take us, which are profound. It's so much beyond pleasure. For me, sex is actually deeply spiritual. And through the gateway of our pleasure, we have access to profound experiences. But we're not going to get there if we can't speak about what, what we want, what we feel, what we don't want, you know, what is not working for us. And if we can't also listen to what the other person wants and doesn't want. So this is why I'm super excited to be teaching a class on lesbian queer bedroom communication together with a dear longtime friend of mine, Kat Kolagas. We're teaching it on June 29th. Not a whole lot of classes on lesbian queer bedroom sexual communication out there for you, so make sure you come to this one or watch the recording later, and I'll see you there. This is about our empowerment, our erotic power, and we deserve it.
