In this vlog‑style monologue recorded in Oak Creek Canyon, the speaker reflects on the relative merits of conscious partnership versus conscious solitude as pathways to healing and spiritual growth, especially for lesbian and queer individuals. She begins with a personal anecdote about researching diets—vegan, paleo, carnivore—to illustrate how different approaches can be optimal for different people at different times, using this as a metaphor for relationship choices. She then discusses attachment theory, which posits that attachment wounds are healed through intimate relationships, and contrasts this with the emerging perspective that conscious solitude—drawing on Joe Dispenza’s teachings—can also rewire the brain away from seeking external validation toward a broader connection with the universe. The speaker emphasizes that both partnership and solitude can be healing or painful depending on intention, triggers, and how one navigates them. She introduces the idea of “seasons” in life, where individuals may spend periods learning through relationships and other periods learning through solitude, and that discernment is required to choose the appropriate path at any given moment. Throughout, she weaves in a queer lens, noting her work on conscious dating for lesbians, and mentions plans to develop classes on conscious singlehood. She also highlights the value of connecting with nature as another form of relationship that supports healing. The talk concludes with an invitation to explore these pathways and an indication that future teaching offerings will be announced in her Academy.
Chapters
So I'm here at a beautiful park in Oak Creek Canyon, Sedona. Winter, wintertime, obviously. The creek is flowing in the background, and I wanted to share some thoughts I'm having about conscious partnership versus conscious solitude and which is better for you at any given moment in your life. What each of them mean, you know, which is better as a path to healing or to consciousness, if that's something that you care about. And, you know, what comes to mind is a period of time years ago when I was having a lot of health challenges. And I decided I was going to research diet extensively and figure out Once and for all what was the healthiest diet. And so I did so much reading, and I read about the people that were convinced that veganism was the healthiest. And then I read about the people convinced that paleo was the healthiest. And I actually read about a doctor who was very, very convinced about veganism, and then his wife got very sick, and he kept, you know, giving her more and more and more plant-based foods, and she kept getting sicker. And then in desperation, I don't know quite how he came to this, but in desperation, one day he gave her like a bunch of pretty raw meat, red meat, and she got better. And so what I concluded out of that was, out of all of that research, was that for some people, Some of the time veganism is the healthiest. For other people, at least some of the time, being a full-on carnivore is the healthiest. You know, I read about the autoimmune paleo program and I read about, you know, so many different diets. And ultimately, I think that what I came back to is that it's always a discernment. You know, who's you are, how your body is working at any given moment, or in this context, how your soul, how your spirit is working. What is medicine for you in any given moment? A while back, I deeply consumed a lot of attachment theory that basically said, you know, the way to heal attachment wounds is in relationship. These are wounds that got caused in relationship, the only path to healing is in relationship. And every trigger that comes up when you're in an intimate relationship gives you access to the wounded place in your being. And if you're skilled enough, or for most of us working with a skilled enough practitioner, that's how you can kind of reshape that clay in your being You know, the triggers are kind of giving you access to the place where the clay is wet, and you can reshape it and get to healing, secure attachment. And there, they were putting forth the idea that you can really only do that through relationship. But just like the veganism and carnivore debates, there are other people that say, conscious solitude is the path, or at least an equally valid path. And lately I've consumed a number of videos by Joe Dispenza, who's a very interesting metaphysical thinker and teacher, and he's on to this conscious solitude kick. And you consciously choosing to be single, consciously choosing to Rewire your brain away from seeking reassurance, seeking affirmation, seeking a sense of connection from others, and instead to wire toward seeking connection with all of this. There's a whole lot else out here on the universe, you know, in the universe, on the Earth. Plane that isn't just human beings. And so sinking into and expanding out into some of the rest of existence can also be a deeply valid path. And, you know, just like intimate relationships much of the time are not healing, solitude and singleness much of the time is also not healing. It all has to do with what you intend and what you do with what comes up. You know, in relationships, there are a lot of triggers. There can even be a lot of loneliness. And certainly in solitude, there can be a lot of triggers and a lot of loneliness. And so what do you do when you hit those places in your being that feel uncomfortable. I think it's the choices that we make in those moments that determine whether we're on a path of healing, or whether we're just on a path of pain, frustration, stuckness, stagnation. And, you know, it may be that some of us have a whole lifetime This time around devoted to learning in the path of relationship. It may be that some of us have a whole lifetime this time around devoted to learning on the path of solitude. And it might be that you have different seasons. You know, that, that for a long time, you were learning from the path of solitude, and now it's time for you to go into relationship. Or vice versa, you were in relationships on and on and on for a big part of your life. You know, hopefully doing some learning and healing there, and and that now this is the season to really go deep into not just being by yourself, but being with yourself. That's what I personally have been experiencing lately: is that there is such a deep pleasure and. intimacy into being in sinking into and expanding out into being with myself and being with all that is. And Joe Dispenza is talking about that as a way to literally rewire our brains. You know, he's always talking about evolution and what the species needs now from us. And his current theory, and, you know, I don't know where he's coming from in his personal life. Maybe he just went through a breakup, you know, maybe this is why he's arrived at this season. But what he's putting out there is that the world and the human species needs more of us that are connecting outward, that are literally rewiring our neural circuitry beyond just human attachment bonds, which at one point in the evolution of humanity, we desperately needed human attachment bonds in order to survive. We couldn't survive without them for actually a long period in human history. And now, almost none of us are completely independent. You know, we need webs of human connection to get us our groceries and our electricity and our internet and our heat and our, you know, all that other stuff. But we do have a choice to rewire beyond having human connections be our primary source of emotional and spiritual nourishment. So I've been finding that, that a very intriguing topic. And it's Especially interesting to me because obviously I've been, you know, making my life's work the the teaching around and the inquiry into conscious dating and relationships, romantic relationships, intimate relationships as a path of healing. So I choose to see it as not a contradiction. I choose to see it as there are many paths up the mountain. Probably there are many mountains. And each of us at any given point gets to determine based on our own hunger, our own experience of pain, our own experience of pleasure, our own experience of fulfillment and nourishment, and where that comes from. Like, what's the path for you? And what's the path up the mountain? for you, and what is even the mountain for you at any given point. So I'm probably going to start doing some teaching around consciously choosing solitude and singleness for us as lesbians and queer people as one path up one mountain. And I've talked to some people about that who are triggered Even by the thought of it, and you know then some of them say, "Oh well, I'm triggered because that's not my path," and others of them say, "Well, I'm triggered, and maybe that means it is my path, even though part of me really doesn't want it to be my path right now." So you are the only one who can discern that. I honestly think there's no better and no worse. I mean, it is it is obviously our human species desperate. Needs us to work out our relationship to relationships. Relationships for so many of us cause so much suffering, and there's so much hunger and so much need and so much incredible pain when we're wanting to be seen and heard and received and given to in certain ways by other humans, and it's not happening. And And, you know, even when we're wanting to give to other humans and they can't receive us. So I think there's tremendous value in the path of conscious relationships. That work fascinates me, and I'm pretty sure it always will. And yet, I find there's also tremendous value in these relationships. You know, like this relationship with this landscape, this relationship with this incredible tree, this relationship with these beautiful rocks, these beautiful hills around me. So I just wanted to validate all of it, and we'll see what what classes I end up offering sometime soon. Soon in the Academy. So just trying to include more people in the fold and follow my particular journey wherever it takes me, and hoping that, you know, for the part of me that loves being a teacher, you know, that following my journey also gives me more to offer to others. So see you soon! Bye!
