This content was created by Ruth L. Schwartz. This content was uploaded by Ruth L. Schwartz. This is a YouTube video titled "Help for Late-Blooming Lesbians and All Women Who Love Women" (posted July 1, 2023). It is a spoken presentation by Ruth Schwartz, director of the Conscious Girlfriend Academy, addressing women who come out as lesbian, bisexual, or queer later in life. She describes reasons women may realize their orientation later (greater acceptance and visibility, parenting LGBTQ children, dissatisfaction with heterosexual relationships), explains romantic versus sexual orientation, notes the prevalence of late-blooming women in her classes, and points listeners to resources and courses at consciousgirlfriendacademy.com.
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So more women are coming out as lesbians or bisexual or sexually fluid than ever before, and many women are coming out after having lived long heterosexual lives with boyfriends, with live-in male partners, with husbands, often with children. And sometimes those marriages or relationships come to a natural end for many other reasons, and then a woman says to herself, Wow, I think I want to date women now. Other times it becomes a long process of recognizing, okay, you know, there's something in this marriage that isn't working for me, and it's not just the dynamics between me and this particular man. There is something else that I need. And the need, you know, oftentimes when people think about lesbians, because it's a sexual orientation, people think about sexual needs. And of course that, that is often part of it. But really, so much of sexual orientation is also romantic orientation. Who do you feel drawn to be close to? Who do you like touching and being touched by? Who do you like hanging out with? And, and many heterosexual women have the experience that their primary emotional intimacy comes with other women, even though their sexual intimacy comes about with men. And so at some point, it's not surprising that a lot of people think, hey, what if I— what if I could put this together? What if I could have all of it in the same package? So I'm Ruth Schwartz. I'm the director of the Conscious Girlfriend Academy, which is a global resource helping lesbians and queer women women and all women who love women or want to, to have the dating and relationship and sex lives that we want and deserve. And as part of that mission, I teach classes about coming out. And I also have noticed that about 25% of the women showing up just in my regular lesbian dating and relationship and sexuality classes are in the category of late-blooming lesbians, uh, whether that's over 35 Over 40, oftentimes women in their 50s, 60s, 70s, who just realize, hey, it's time. You know, it— maybe they— maybe you, if you're watching this, had crushes as a kid, or, you know, shared kisses with a girlfriend, or even had an early relationship with a woman. Or maybe you never did, and these feelings are taking you by surprise now. Either way, I think there are a lot of reasons why more women are coming out as lesbians than ever before. It is somewhat easier. There is more acceptance for lesbians than there has been in the past, although it's still challenging. There's more visibility, so we get compelled to ask ourselves these questions that maybe we never did before. I also hear many women talking about having kids who turn out to be LGBTQ. themselves. And as part of their process in wanting to support their children, they realize, hey, there's something here that's true about me as well. Of course, disappointment in men and heterosexual relationships can also play a part. You know, honestly, a lot of my straight friends over time say, oh guys, you know. But that alone is not enough to make someone want to date women. You know, there also has to be a strong romantic and sexual attraction toward women, not just a frustration with men. And honestly, as someone who's been out as a lesbian for a long time, I need to say lesbian relationships are far from perfect as well. We have our own challenges. It's just often a different set of challenges. So if you have lived a heterosexual life, have thought of yourself as straight, Or maybe thought of yourself as bisexual but have lived a straight life and you're thinking you may want to do something different now. I want to extend a really warm welcome to you on behalf of the lesbian community and let you know that there are resources to help you. So I urge you to check out consciousgirlfriendacademy.com and see what we have on offer. There is a wonderful world waiting for you. Lots of love.
