In this monologue, Ruth L. Schwartz explains the difference between lesbian soulmate relationships and trauma‑bonded relationships. She describes how soulmate connections often begin with intense chemistry and magic, but when repeated cycles of fighting, break‑ups, and make‑ups become entrenched, the relationship can shift into a trauma bond—characterized by an inability to live with or without the partner, mutual wound‑knotting, and emotional shattering. Schwartz outlines the warning signs of trauma bonding, such as compulsive reunions after painful break‑ups, feeling shattered when the relationship ends, and a loss of trust in oneself, love, and future partners. She shares her own experience of surviving these cycles, emphasizing that many women who love women face this pattern. Finally, she promotes the Conscious Girlfriend Academy as a global resource offering classes, skill‑building labs, and community support to decode, heal, and break free from trauma bonds, encouraging viewers to subscribe, share, and seek help.
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So what is a lesbian trauma bond and how can you know when you're in one? And what's the difference between a trauma bond relationship and a soulmate relationship? These are really thorny questions because typically when you're in a soulmate relationship, or when you think and hope it's a soulmate relationship, it starts with the most beautiful, magical, amazing feeling of connection, chemistry, sparks. I've had that happen a number of times in my life. And sometimes when it starts with so much magic, you can then find yourself— you know when things get really tough between the two of you, and let's say there's pain, there's fighting, there's confusion, there's disappointment, there's maybe even breakups, but then you miss each other so much that you get back together, and then maybe break up again, and then you miss each other so much you get back together. And at a certain point you realize, oh my God, I can't live with her and I can't live without her. And I don't even mean whether you can literally live with her. I mean, like, you can't live with the relationship, but you can't bear to go on without the relationship either. That's a sign of a trauma bond. And oftentimes trauma bonds happen between 2 people who are both well-intentioned, uh, you know, sometimes we can really even get into toxic relationships this way, where your wounds and her wounds, your childhood stuff and her childhood stuff, get intricately knotted up in a way that neither one of you can quit. But neither one of you can break through either. And sometimes you may reach a point where you realize, oh my God, I can't do this anymore. I need to end the relationship. That can leave her shattered. You might feel shattered too. Sometimes she's the one that gets to that point and she breaks up with you, maybe out of the blue. And it's like, oh my God, where did the connection go? And how can I survive without it? So these are the slippery slopes between what can feel initially like a soulmate connection and what can become a trauma bond. If this is resonating for you, first of all, I want you to know you are so not alone. This is actually really common among women who love women. Second of all, I want you to know there's help. So In the Conscious Girlfriend Academy, it's the leading global resource for women who love women and adjacent non-binary people. We come together in classes, in skill-building labs, in community to help ourselves and each other get out of these terribly painful, confusing, excruciating, shattering binds that we find ourselves in, decode what has happened, and Actually become able to do it differently. And this is super important because when you've been through any of these breakups or breakup and makeup and breakup and makeup cycles, you can end up feeling so shattered that you literally feel like, I can never have another relationship. I can never trust a woman again. I can never trust myself again. I can never trust love or life again. Believe me, I speak from experience. I've been there and I've returned from the valley of the shadow of death, and I want to help you do that too. So definitely check out our upcoming class on soulmates, trauma bonds, and healing. And we've got some longer upcoming classes. We've got a whole lot for you in the Conscious Girlfriend Academy. So please like and subscribe to this video, share this channel, and, um, I'll see you there. Okay, because there's help and there's hope for our lesbian hearts. Together we can do this thing. Okay, much love.
