[Lesbians & Queer Women Only] The Brain Science Of Falling For Unavailable Women (And How To Stop)

24 Aug 2025 · 3 min

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This content was created by Ruth L. Schwartz. This content was uploaded by Ruth L. Schwartz. This is a YouTube video titled "[Lesbians & Queer Women Only] The Brain Science Of Falling For Unavailable Women (And How To Stop)" (uploaded 2025-08-24). It features a single-speaker talk/promo by Dr. Ruth Schwartz, founder of Conscious Girlfriend Academy, aimed at lesbian and queer women. The speaker explains how unconscious attachment strategies lead some women to fall for unavailable partners, frames this as the brain’s attempt to stay safe, and promotes an upcoming 12-week "Lesbian Dating Essentials" class offering tools to change those patterns.

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So I've got some surprising news for you. If you are a lesbian or queer woman who ever finds yourself falling for somebody who's not completely available, either somebody who tells you she's not ready for a relationship or she's not sure about you, she kind of runs hot and cold— if you've ever found yourself magnetized to that kind of person, So that you feel like you're you're hitting, you're you're bruising your knuckles against this closed door, but you can't get out of that pattern. The surprising reason underneath this pattern is your brain's effort to stay safe. Now, it might not make so much sense, right? But we've all been hurt, and what happens when we get hurt is that naturally a part of us. Puts up barriers because we don't want to be hurt again. But underneath those barriers, another part of you is yearning for connection because that's the most natural state in the world. And so that creates a dilemma. And unconsciously, our brains attempt to solve this dilemma by falling for people that are not going to fully be there, because then we won't get as badly hurt As we would if we were all the way in and they were all the way in. Now, if you look at this solution consciously, obviously there's a lot of problems with it because you're going to get hurt when you fall for somebody unavailable. But our unconscious brains have so many tricks up their sleeves that really get in the way of our being able to create the happy, healthy, conscious lesbian queer dating and love lives we want. until you learn to get to the control panel of your own attachment system and attraction system. And that's something I'm going to be teaching in our updating Lesbian Dating Essentials class. I'm Dr. Ruth Schwartz. I'm the founder of Conscious Girlfriend Academy, which is the leading global resource helping lesbians and queer women all over the world to get what we want and deserve in love. And I'm really excited about this upcoming 12-week Lesbian Dating Essentials class. I'm going to teach some things I've never taught before, and if you are tired of getting hurt in love, I hope you'll be there.