Lesbians: STOP Doing This Online When You're Looking For Love!!

So let me talk to you about the biggest mistake I see so many lesbians making when we are looking for that special someone. Maybe you go on an online dating site or on a social media site like Facebook, a lesbian Facebook group, and you post a really nice picture of yourself and you just say, hey, I'm looking for my soulmate, and you wait to see who responds. Now, why is that such Such a big mistake. First of all, you have given somebody nothing to go on except your physical appearance. It's going to take a whole lot more than that for you to have a happy relationship. Second of all, they have no information with which to reach out to you other than to say, "Hey, you're beautiful. You're pretty. I want to get to know you better. You have a nice smile." Maybe they're looking at your cleavage instead. But they mention your smile. And the thing is that there are a lot of spammers and scammers and men and bots that are trolling those sites too. They are also going to reach out in exactly the same way. They're gonna say, hey, you're beautiful, I like your smile, I want to get to know you. You are not going to have a way to know who is a spammer, scammer, bot, or man versus who is an actual real lesbian. That's problem number 1. Problem number 2 is, let's say it is a real woman lesbian who reaches out to you. You are starting from below zero in getting to know that person and who she is, what she's looking for, what she's ready for, what she's capable of. She's also starting from below zero with you. All you know is you like the way each other looks. Well, I like looking the liking the way my girlfriend looks. I like it when somebody likes the way I look. But we as lesbians tend to have a problem, which is that we bond really quickly and deeply with what I call sticky lesbian super glue. And what that means is that we can get so attached so fast. Literally, you might just trade a few messages back and forth. You might have a couple quick phone calls if you even get to the phone stage. Maybe you're just messaging, and then you feel like, oh my God! I have my new person already. I have my girlfriend. I found my forever person. This is one of the biggest mistakes we make, and believe me, I have made this mistake, and I see so many thousands of other women making this mistake. Let me introduce myself. I'm Ruth Schwartz. I'm the director of the Conscious Girlfriend Academy, which is the leading global resource helping lesbians and queer women. date and love in the ways that, that actually serve us. And the reason why I started Conscious Girlfriend 10 years ago now is because I had traveled my own long, challenging road and gotten my heart broken so many times that I finally said, okay, I need to figure out what I'm doing wrong here. I am clearly the common denominator. I keep, you know, hoping and seeing the best in people and getting attached to the potential and— And then what? What gives? So if you've ever had this experience, maybe you've noticed that the magic that we feel in the beginning does not always translate into a long-term relationship that actually meets our needs. So what I want to encourage is that when you're posting on a social media site or an online dating app, You need to actually be really clear about who you are and what you want, what you're looking for, what you're ready for, what you're capable of. I hear a lot of women say, I know exactly what I want. I want a relationship with mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical connection. Okay, sign me up. Honestly, that's what all of us want. But you need to get a whole lot more granular than that because everybody's going to say she wants that, right? So what I want to see you do when you're posting on Facebook, post your picture, post at least 4 or 5 sentences about yourself that literally no one else could say about themselves. Like, don't just say you like to take long walks on the beach, you like to go out to eat, you like to watch movies, and you love to snuggle. Guess what? So does everybody else. So again, you are not screening anybody out when you say those things. Why is it important to screen people out? Because not everybody is going to be a fit for you, nor are you going to be a fit for everybody. And that's how it is and should be. So I want to see you really honor yourself. Recognize you are a precious, unique individual who is lovable. You are lovable. You are beautiful. But I want to see you give somebody so much more to go on when they reach out than just saying you're beautiful or you're pretty, because that's not enough raw material on which to build a relationship. So if you give 3, 4, 5, 6 sentences or more— I honestly love it when people put several paragraphs about themselves. Again, things that are unique about you. You can have your friends help you write this. You can come to Conscious Girlfriend Academy and get a whole lot more understanding and ideas and even get some help. But anyway, when you post minimum a few sentences, ideally a few paragraphs about yourself, then when somebody just reaches out and says, hey, you're beautiful, guess what you do? You hit delete because that's somebody who is probably a scammer or spammer or hasn't done the— given you what you deserve in terms of just reading what you've Oh, my cat is here! Okay, this is Mr. Yellow. When I was going to adopt him, I knew I wanted a cat that was going to let me pet him and purr, and he walked right over to my lap in the shelter and started purring. So that's why he came home with me. However, he does tend to get in the way in the videos. So I want to see you share more about yourself in these initial Facebook posts or online dating posts, because that is how when somebody reaches out who has actually read what you had to say, and they can say, oh my God, I'm so interested in what you shared about, you know, your passion for these kinds of movies, or how you grow organic lima beans, or how you rescue dogs, or, wow, you said you speak 5 languages. What are those languages? Or, you know, what are some of the really amazing challenging situations that you have faced in your life and how have you come through them? Give somebody something to go on, then you can strike up a substantial conversation. If, by the way, you notice that the conversation that's happening is not substantial, Either it's the wrong person or it's not even a person; it's just a bot. And then when you strike up a good conversation, you have a couple good messages back and forth. I recommend that you move immediately to at least a phone call, if not a video chat. Why? Because you want to make sure this person is, at least on the surface, who they say they are. If it is a faker or a scammer or somebody who's currently in a relationship, uh, they are much less likely to be willing to do a video chat. So gotta move to that video chat quickly. We as lesbians tend to get attached really fast. Sometimes we're getting attached to these beautiful images in our heads that we are projecting onto the other person without even realizing that. I want to see you spare yourself these sources of pain. So to review, don't just post a photo of yourself and say, I'm looking for my soulmate, I'm looking for my special someone. You need to write some substantial things about yourself so that your special someone can actually recognize that she might be right for you and you might be right for her. Second of all, when you start messaging with somebody, you need to move quickly to phone call or preferably video chat. Those are the first 2 steps to, to stop getting your heart broken. There are a whole lot more steps after that, which you can learn more about at consciousgirlfriendacademy.com/book. You can download the first 4 chapters of our Amazon best-selling book Conscious Lesbian Dating and Love for free right there, and that'll give you a whole lot more information about How to Get to the Dating and Love Life You Actually Want and Deserve. Lots of love. See you on the other side.