In this monologue, the speaker shares a personal experience of repeatedly hinting to her girlfriend about wanting to have sex, only to realize that indirect cues were missed. She finally asks directly, "I really want us to set aside some time for sex," which leads to an emotional release and a positive response from her partner. The speaker reflects on how indirect communication can be misinterpreted, the emotional impact of finally being heard, and the importance of clear, direct requests in intimate relationships. She warns against resorting to complaints or accusatory language, citing studies that show complaining is ineffective for achieving tender, intimate outcomes. The piece concludes as the first of a series of "Conscious Girlfriend" tips aimed at helping lesbian couples communicate their desires effectively.
Chapters
So I want to talk to you about something really personal, and it's how you can let your girlfriend know that you are wanting to have sex. I have been struggling with this over the last few weeks. I have given so many hints. I have mentioned sexual activities that I know we both enjoy. I've said, God, it's been weeks or months playing. I mean, it's only been weeks, but it's like I've been saying, it's been months since, it's been years since we've done such and such. I have said, I really want to do such and such. I'm looking forward to when we can do such and such again. I have put her hands here when we were dancing. I put her hands here in the morning sitting on the Bed. I put her hands here. And then finally today, as she was getting ready to leave the house, I said to her, you know, I really want us to set aside some time sometime soon for us to have sex. And her eyes got really big, and she was like, you do? And I said, yeah, I've been hinting and hinting. And she said, You have? And then she's so sweet, she said, oh my God, I'm so sorry that you've been hinting and I wasn't getting it. And I said, yeah. And you know, in that moment, actually, to my own surprise, my eyes filled up with tears because I hadn't realized quite how sensitive it actually was. But I am so glad that I finally said to her what I wanted. Because it's so funny how sometimes we can think that we are conveying the message and think that we are being rejected and think that, like, how could the other person possibly not understand that this is what I want when I've been saying it indirectly in this way and this way and this way and this way and this way? And yet she didn't get it. So then she's like, wow, well, now I'm looking forward to coming home later. And I just wanted to share that moment with you because how often, honestly, do we do this? And what if I had come to her, you know, rather than just saying directly, you know what, I'd really like us to set aside some time to have sex sometime soon. What if I had said to her, You know, we just never have sex anymore. Or like, you, you don't seem to want me anymore. Like, I'm feeling really rejected because obviously you're not interested in having sex with me anymore. You know, I could have gone any of those places, and then we could have ended up having a fight rather than her being like, oh, now I'm excited for when I get home. So just wanted to share that. Uh, would love to hear your thoughts. Part of the challenge is to keep the scar tissue out of our relationships, because I know for me, like so many of us, when I'm wanting something that's not happening, one of my very first tendencies is to complain about it. But studies show that it's actually the least effective way to get something that you want, especially when what you want is something tender and intimate like sex. So, uh, this is the first of many lessons. I'll be back soon with another Conscious Girlfriend tip for getting what you want in your relationship. Bye.
