In this solo presentation, Ruth Schwartz, director of the Conscious Girlfriend Academy, introduces the concept of “smart‑for‑your‑heart” dating for lesbians and queer women. She explains that many in the community lack models and education, leading to rushed relationships that often start with intense attraction but end in heartbreak once the initial intoxication fades. Schwartz outlines the components of smart‑for‑your‑heart dating: understanding what you’re looking for, pacing relationships, identifying and interpreting red flags (and when they may shift to yellow or green), recognizing your own red‑flag patterns, articulating what you bring to a partnership, and mastering essential communication (e.g., texting dynamics, listening, and asking questions). She emphasizes that applying these practices turns dating into a healthy entry point for lasting love rather than a source of repeated pain, especially given the additional challenges queer women face in coming out and finding acceptance. The talk concludes with an invitation to join a masterclass and workshop that will teach these skills in depth.
Chapters
So what do I mean when I talk about smart for your heart dating? What is that and why would you want to learn it? My name is Ruth Schwartz. I am the director of the Conscious Girlfriend Academy. I've had the privilege of teaching lesbians and queer women from many parts of the world for almost 10 years now about dating and relationships and sex. And what I have seen is that in our community, and honestly, this has been true in my own past as well, there's a lot of confusion about dating. And many women tell me, I've never dated. I've always just felt a spark and gone for it, gone right into the relationship. If you're watching this video and you've done that, know that you are not alone. And it's not your fault. We haven't had good models. We haven't had good education as lesbians and queer women. We've been busy struggling to just claim our sexuality to begin with. And so then when we meet somebody with whom it feels good, of course we've gone for it, right? Nothing wrong with you. But you may have found that it often doesn't work out because, as the joke says, what does a lesbian bring on the second date? A U-Haul. Um, I have never literally brought a U-Haul or a moving truck on a second date, but I have done that in my head, and I have done it in my heart. And where that has led me often is to heartbreak. Doesn't happen right away. Oftentimes our relationships feel amazing for the first few weeks or months. But we are in a brain state of intoxication in those first few months that always wears off. So this is the thing: if you are going to date in smart for your heart ways, you need to really know what you're dating for and how to date, how to pace it. Of course, you need to know how to meet women to date to begin with, how to find out what they are dating for, how to recognize the signs that that. she and you could actually be compatible over the long term, or that you won't be. How to understand what is a red flag, when red flags can turn yellow or even green, how to deal with your own red flags because we've all got them, how to really know what you have to offer and share it in ways that are more likely to build a foundation of healthy love. How to have essential communication when you're dating. So many things come up, you know, like either she's texting more than you and it's overwhelming to you, or you text her and you don't hear back and then you feel like maybe she's not into you. You spend time together and she talks too much and doesn't listen, or she stays too quiet and Doesn't ask you questions about yourself. You find out ways she's different from you and you're not sure what to do about it. Is this an okay relationship to proceed with or is it not? There is so much involved in smart for your heart lesbian dating. And the reason why this is so important is because dating, when we do it right, is the entry point to love. And to love that can really feel good and last. When you don't do smart-for-your-heart dating, it is the entry point to heartbreak. And none of us want more of that, right? It's like, it was so much work to come out to begin with. It's hard enough to live in this world as a lesbian or queer woman. We deserve the, the fruits of our labor, the happy, healthy relationships we really want. And the way to get there is through smart for your heart dating. So if this resonates for you, I would love to have you join us for a masterclass and workshop on this topic. Hope to see you there. Bye.
