In this video, the speaker explores why many lesbian and queer women experience repetitive breakup‑and‑makeup cycles. She explains that these cycles often stem from deep‑seated attachment dynamics where both partners feel unseen, unheard, and unaccepted, leading to a push‑pull pattern of needing closeness versus needing space. The speaker highlights how these unresolved feelings create a cycle that feels like “insanity” because the same actions are repeated without different outcomes. To break the pattern, she promotes the Lesbian Attachment Healing class and the broader Conscious Girlfriend Academy, describing them as global, growth‑oriented communities that teach skills for healthier dating, communication, and emotional regulation. The video concludes with a call to like, subscribe, share, and join the academy to learn how to love well and stop the exhausting cycles.
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So why do lesbian breakup and makeup cycles happen sometimes over and over? Have you ever been in one of those relationships or seen a friend in one where it's like things are good and then they're bad and then there's a breakup and then they miss each other and they try again, or we try again, and it's good for a minute and then quickly the same pattern happens and we break up? And then we miss each other, and we are drawn back to try again. And wow, I mean, these cycles are like a gymnasium for the heart, but not necessarily the healthy kind. It can be so exhausting. And yet there is something beautiful about it, because the fact that we are drawn to try over and over and over again is evidence of how deeply we want to love and be loved. Unfortunately, when we break up and then make up and try again, and then break up and then make up and try again, it very, very rarely leads to a different outcome. Why is that? Because most of the time we haven't known how to deal with the real underlying issues that led us to break up in the first place. Now, a lot of times people have really painful fights, and sometimes, at least for me, I have been in the middle of one of them and I've been like, what are we even fighting about? Or sometimes I feel like I know what we're fighting about. But often underneath whatever the surface issue is, what we're really fighting about is, "I don't feel like you get me. I don't feel like you accept me the way I am. I don't feel like you really hear me." And almost always, the other person feels the exact same way. And so usually, what is behind these breakup cycles is that we're both feeling misunderstood, not seen. Seen, not heard, not accepted the way we are. But there's also something unresolved, and we just keep hoping that it'll turn out differently the next time. But you might have heard the Einstein quote that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome is the definition of insanity, or at least one of them. So what can we do differently? That is part of what I want to cover in the upcoming Lesbian Attachment Healing class. If you're not familiar with the Conscious Girlfriend Academy yet, it is actually the leading global resource helping lesbians and queer women and adjacent queer people date wisely and love well. And as part of that process, we decode the interactions that we have day in and day out that leave one person feeling often starved for attention and connection and leave the other person feeling overwhelmed Needing more space, trying to back away, which of course leaves this person feeling, you know, even more frantic, which leaves this person backing away even further. Very often it is these underlying dynamics that cause the breakups, and then there's a temporary reset because we miss each other and we're like, well, you know, the person that needed space has finally gotten their space. And the person that needed more closeness has finally, you know, tolerated a little bit more the separation. And then it feels like, okay, you know, we can make it work differently this time. If you want to learn how to stop these cycles for good, I highly recommend you take the Lesbian Attachment Healing class and/or come to the rest of the classes and practice sessions scheduled skills labs that we have going on in the Conscious Girlfriend Academy, because it is a unique community. It is a growth-oriented, compassionate, intelligent group of lesbians and adjacent non-binary people from all over the world. U.S.-based, most in the U.S., but in our last class we had participants from 10 countries. And we have conversations and practice sessions in the academy that I don't think exist anywhere else in the lesbian and queer world. So if your heart needs help, check out the Conscious Girlfriend Academy and the upcoming lesbian attachment healing class. And like and subscribe to this channel and also share it with the other people you know, because together we can do it differently. You can have the love you want. It just takes learning how. See you soon.
