How to Save a Bad Date

Have you ever matched with someone online, went on a date, met them in real life, but somewhere along the way the vibe was a little bit off, even though when you matched with them the vibe was on, and you just didn't know how to navigate the situation? Like, you felt like something was there, but then you just don't know how to really turn it around. This video is for you if you've experienced something like this. Alright, story time. So about a week ago, a good friend of mine matched with a girl on one of the dating apps. They were vibing right from the start. They were talking about their hobbies, passions, interests, and turns out they even like the same video game. What are the chances, right? And because they like the same video game, they knew all the inside lingo. And yeah, they were just vibing hardcore. And leading up to the date, my friend was telling me, "Wow, I've never matched with someone who's that on point in terms of vibe, and I can't wait to meet up with her." He was showing me the text message history, and it seemed like the girl was also really into him as well. It was definitely mutual. The vibe was on. So the date comes, they meet for the first time in person, and something feels a little bit off. Right off the bat, the first thing she mentions is the fact that, hey, I don't really have a lot of money actually, so I wouldn't be able to go to that cocktail bar that you mentioned. Well, there's nothing wrong with that, especially When someone brings up the fact that, "Hey, like, I have some trouble with my money situation right now. Like, I just hope you understand." The fact that you mention it early on is actually really, is better. The sooner you get that out of the way, the better. So there's nothing wrong with that. But over the course of the date, she keeps on bringing up the same subject of how she doesn't have a lot of money and it seems like he has a lot of money, right? And he seems a little bit weirded out by that. My friend tries to establish deep meaningful connection, what I call DMC. That's the vibe that we have here at Seoul Game. He's trying to get a better understanding of how she grew up, why she's made certain choices in her life, what brought her to this particular city abroad. You know, obviously super interesting when these two people meet abroad, right? And she responds. The vibe from that perspective is good because he's trying to establish that vibe. But on her end, she doesn't particularly match that energy and vibe that he brings to the table. She doesn't seem to be particularly interested in his lifestyle, like why he's made certain choices, his entrepreneurial career, like all the interesting stuff that anyone who's curious would normally be excited to learn more about. And especially in a romantic context, dating context, like you'd want to know more about that. But for some reason, something just doesn't click, right? The vibes doesn't seem like it's aligned. Somewhere along the way during the date, they stumble upon this bar that has a PC game setup. What are the chances, right? So they end up playing this game that they both like, which is really good. So the vibe is really good, on point. But she still doesn't really show her curiosity in his world. He definitely senses that something is off, and it's particularly alarming given the fact that leading up to the date, over text, they were talking about so many different things. So he even questions like, "Is this the same person? What if like a different person showed up?" Right? He's like wondering. Now they had a couple of drinks, and they're walking around and it just so happens that he ends up passing his Airbnb where I was staying at the same time with him as well. And he asks the girl, "Hey, would you like to come up? Like, let's share a couple of drinks and maybe play a game or something. Maybe play a little card game." And she's like, "Oh no, I'm really tired actually, but I appreciate the invite. I have to catch a flight the next day, so I have to go." And he's like, "Okay." And then that's it. And he comes up and then he's, visibly confused and perplexed. Did she just not like me? Like, what happened here? I'm just so confused because the vibe was really on online before we met in person. And when we met, it just seemed very off. So I asked him back, at any point during the conversation, at any point on the date, did you ever ask her that? Did you ever ask her like, hey, like, is everything okay? 'Cause I feel like the vibe is a little bit different right now, how it was when we were chatting online. Like, did you ever talk about that? He was like, "No, I didn't do that because I thought you were supposed to play all cool and you know, you were supposed to play the cool guy, you know?" Well, you can do that if it doesn't bother you, but if it bothers you and if it matters to you, it would be smart for you to actually bring it up, right? And he goes like, "Okay, now the date is over. What do I do? What is my move here?" And I was like, "Okay, well, you gotta call out the elephant in the room." And he goes like, "How do I do that?" "You gotta send her a cheeky voice note." "A voice note? Like, ah, like what do I say?" Here are some of the most important things for you to remember before calling out the elephant in the room. First of all, it's never about making the other person wrong, criticizing them, or making them feel bad. So first of all, you have to acknowledge what's good about it, right? The fact that you actually met up with this person in real life and you had this time to, you spent this time together, that's really meaningful. So call that out, acknowledge that. And second, the fact that, you know, they actually played this game What are the chances, right? So like, you know, amp up the vibe first and just acknowledge that you share this beautiful time together. This is when you call out the elephant in the room. You tell them that, hey, this is what I've noticed before and this is what I've noticed after. And I see there's a bit of a gap and I'm just a little bit confused and I'm just a little bit puzzled and I'm here to connect on an authentic level and I'm just here to understand. I'm curious. I love to get a better understanding of where you stand Maybe there's something I did that put you off, or maybe, you know, we just have different expectations. I would love your input. I would appreciate your thoughts on this. At the end, what you wanna do is to make sure to invite them to actually provide their input and their thoughts on the situation. Bonus tip, what you wanna do is actually explicitly state that your intention is to connect on an authentic and deep level. So that you can move this vibe forward if the vibe with that other person aligns. All right, so this is the voice message, and I ask him to send this voice message to her. Hey, hope you had a good night. You mentioned that you were a little bit tired. Hope you got good sleep. I had a really good time meeting with you, and vibing with you was really fun, especially playing that video game with you at that bar. What are the chances, right? I really appreciate that. I wanna call out the elephant in the room a little bit here because I've noticed that Before meeting up with you over the course of this past week, while we were chatting online, the vibe really seemed on. Like we had some chemistry, but for whatever reason, when we met in person, the vibe seemed a little bit different. Like I'm not here to criticize you. I'm not here to make you wrong. I'm not here to make you feel bad, but I just couldn't help but notice that the vibe seemed very different. And you know, maybe there's something that I did that put you off. Maybe the expectations are a little bit different. 'But yeah, I'd love to get your input on it. I'd appreciate your thoughts. And I'm just here to connect on a deep and authentic level. And if the vibe aligns, we move forward.' That's the voice message while calling out the elephant in the room. My friend musters up the courage, and the whole time he says like, 'I've never done this before, but this feels great because I feel like I'm doing something to actually move the vibe forward,' right? So he sends the message and she comes back to him and she says something like, 'Yeah, maybe the expectations were a little bit different because I'm just here to connect with "some good fun people, and I'm here to make a lot of friends." So that was it. Hope that clears things up a little bit. My friend gets this message and he was like, he's even more confused. He's like, "Wait, like it was pretty clear that we met on a dating app, and it's not like she actually mentioned on the dating app that like she's here to make a lot of friends. Like now she's saying something different, right?" So maybe she didn't really like the vibe when she first met him. Like, who knows? Right? You never know what the vibe is like. But the fact that my friend actually did some reflection on it and he went out of his way to actually compose this beautiful voice message. It's not even a text message, right? And he sends it to her only for her to not even barely match the level of vibe that my friend was providing with her. Yeah, that's a red flag. And also, who goes on a dating app to meet a lot of friends. Well, some people do that, but when you do that, make that explicit. Make it obvious and explicit that the other person that you're gonna have a chat with also understands that that's what you're looking for. You're looking for friends, right? It's all about cementing the foundation and then make sure you have the right level of vibe from the start. And yeah, just the vibe was really different. A lot of smoke and mirrors and confusion. That's another red flag. Know what happened with my friend? Well, at the end of the day, he felt really great because, you know, he told me like, "Hey, I'm very appreciative of the fact that I learned this new thing, like how to call out the elephant in the room. And to be fair, like she just wasn't the right person for me." Exactly, that's my point. If the other person is the right person for you, like, hey, misunderstanding, miscommunication happens all the time. But like, if you actually put yourself out there and call out the elephant in the room, communicate and express very empathetically, and if they actually match that level of energy, you actually have a, an amazing shot at turning it around. And like, you know that the communication is on point. You're willing to acknowledge that there might have been a misunderstanding. And if the other person actually sees that and appreciates that, yeah, this is actually like a really good way to cement the foundation for building something amazing with that other person, right? But it just so happens that with this particular girl, it just didn't work out. And that's great. And guess what? Earlier you find out that vibe doesn't match, the better, because, well, guess what? There's billions of other people in the world, and it actually saves you time, energy, and money, and vibe. That's the most important thing. These are ways for you to actually complete an experience, interaction, and vibe so that you can actually have a much more mature and evolved level of communication with the other person, and so that you can approach this whole situation very empathetically. You know what to do next, right? So this is how to salvage and save a date and potentially turn it around. If you're in a situation, if you recently had a similar situation with someone that you're excited about meeting and somewhere along the way, the vibe just didn't evolve in the way that you anticipated or you wanted it to, call out the elephant in the room. Let me know how it went. And most importantly, keep calm and vibe on. Peace!