In this solo coaching video, Steven, a relationship coach for high‑performing men, shares insights from 173 coaching sessions with investors, entrepreneurs, and executives who excel professionally but struggle in love. He identifies five recurring blind‑spot patterns that keep these men stuck: 1. Access does not equal attraction – despite easy access to high‑value women, uncertainty about whether they are liked for themselves creates doubt that leaks into interactions. 2. Hope versus creation – they treat love like a gamble, relying on swiping or waiting for a magical moment, instead of proactively creating romantic opportunities the way they create business success. 3. Limiting beliefs shape energy – entrenched beliefs (e.g., “women only want money”) affect nervous‑system states, behavior, and ultimately reinforce the same negative outcomes. 4. Blind‑spot ego tax – accustomed to solving problems alone, they resist external feedback, missing blind spots that a “board of directors”‑style support could reveal. 5. ‘Be yourself’ myth – the advice to simply drop the mask is unhelpful because everyone performs; authentic connection comes from iterative action, feedback, and evolving identity rather than a static “true self.” Steven explains how recognizing these patterns leads to dramatic life changes—relocating, finding purpose, starting families—and invites viewers to join his residential programs for deeper work. The video ends with a promotional call‑to‑action and a calming, vibe‑focused sign‑off.
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Over the last year, I gave 173 coaching sessions to high performers and high achievers all around the world. Investors, entrepreneurs, executives, people who have succeeded professionally and know how to win very well. But when it comes to love, they feel uncertain, stuck, and invisible. For context, my name is Steven. I work with high performers all around the world through my residential programs around identity, connection and relationships. Now, after working with these different individuals, what became very, very apparent to me that is that actually none of them were struggling with anything at first. What was actually happening was that they were very visible and clear patterns across all of them, although they were leading completely different lives. There's a lot of notes. Uh, it goes really, really in depth. So actually to took down some notes here, so let me go through them and let you know what these patterns are. Pattern number 1: Access does not equal attraction. If you're a high-achieving, high-performing man— these types of people I'm talking about— well, naturally, you actually have access to beautiful women, high-value women. You get invited to cool parties, you have a cool social circle, you travel, right? So naturally, right? You know how to access these different opportunities. But time and time again, what they actually told me was, hey, I actually can access all these different people, but I'm always wondering, okay, is it actually me or is it actually what I can provide them? This thought alone actually keeps them stuck, and because of that, they have this hesitation. They're not really fully showing up. And because of that uncertainty, because of that lack of conviction, they're not really expressing their true soul self out there. They don't know how to, and they're constantly wondering, what if, right? Like, what do they really like me for? And because of that, women also don't feel their vibe. So that's point number 1, attraction needs certainty, doubt leaks. Pattern number 2, hope leaks. Versus creation. This point is quite simple. These high achievers, they know how to create opportunity. They know how to create success in their professional lives. Winning deals, beating out competition, gaining that monopoly, whatever it is, they know how to do it. But when it comes to love, what do they do? They swipe aggressively. They go to these cool events and parties hoping, hoping, that someday, somehow, they're gonna meet someone who's gonna see them for who they are. So why are they gambling on love instead of actually proactively going out there, actually putting some themselves out there and creating love, creating opportunity? Why is that? Well, it's because they feel like when it comes to career, fitness, health, wealth, they feel like they have control over it, right? They feel like it's a unilateral thing. It's a one-dimensional thing. But when it comes to love, they feel like, oh, actually it involves another party. So because of that, I cannot control. And because I cannot control anything, well, I'm just gonna just put my best foot forward. And my best foot, putting my best foot forward is actually just swiping aggressively. Like just kind of showing myself up at these different events, doing 50% of the work, which is fine, you know, you gotta do what you gotta do, but actually not actually giving yourself or themselves, them, an opportunity to get to know you. They know how to create opportunity, just not here. They're just waiting for some magical moment to just happen, right? So that's pattern number 2, hope versus creation. Pattern number 3, beliefs. Shape energy. A lot of these high achievers, because they've gotten to where they are by actually putting so much of their energy, time, and effort to become successful, they attract these types of women and people who also see them as a version of success. And it shapes their— it shapes these men's, you know, field of view, the way they think about these different things. All women want money., right? Dating apps are trash. Quality women don't exist. So instead of actually displaying that ownership when it comes to love, relationships, and dating, they blame, right? And obviously when you have this type of beliefs, they impact your nervous system. And when your nervous system is being impacted, it shapes your behavior. When it shapes your behavior, it shapes your outcomes. For as long as you actually see the world through the lens of, for example, "Hey, women are out to get me. Women are not loyal," right? "Women are not good to me," you're gonna actually have these experiences that actually confirm your beliefs, your limiting beliefs. Pattern number 4, your blind spots, the ego tax. All these high achievers that I've worked with so far, right, they know how to figure things out professionally. Because of that, because they're so used to figuring things out alone, they feel that, oh hey, dating and relationships, oh, I don't really need help. Also, like, the idea of actually asking someone for, like, my deepest fears and desires, like, it just Just kind of strange, weird. I should have figured everything out by now. Why do I need someone else? But actually, that's what separates just high achievers to, I would say, top 1% of people that I've worked with so far, these entrepreneurs and executives and investors, because what do you have when you're actually at your top 1%? Well, you have a team of directors. You actually run your personal life as if it's a public company. What do all these public companies have in common? They have boards of directors. They have a team of people, advisors, actually helping you uncover your blind spots. And funny enough, this very insistence on you having figured everything out by yourself stops them from uncovering their blind spots. For example, I work with this one client who is a super vibey guy, a software engineer from Seattle. Of course, he spent some time with us, a couple of weeks here in Bangkok. And because his vibe is actually genuinely great, he gets a lot of looks. Not only, but he gets this energy from women that, hey, they're interested. But he's been relying so much on explicit verbal confirmations from these women that they're, they're into him, that he actually had no idea about these different opportunities. But how do we actually discover? How do we discover these blind spots, uncover them? Well, when you have a camera in front of you, you actually film, document everything, right? Your interactions. You taking action, everything, well, you have no place to hide, right? And that's how we actually uncover your blind spots. And the thing is, if he had a lot of ego, right? If he was just fine with just how the things were before, nothing would've changed. But he actually was willing to put his ego aside for a second and actually, you know, work with us he was able to actually uncover his blind spots. But the crazy thing is, if he hadn't made that choice, well, what happens? Well, he would've wasted so much time, and time is money, right? It's the only type of asset that you can never get back in life. So that's pattern number 4. Pattern number 5, be yourself, right? Authenticity does not equal No performance. Thing is, everyone performs. And you've actually heard this advice quite a lot, right? Hey, just be yourself, drop your mask. Just drop your mask and be yourself. And if you're not yourself, actually whoever you meet, they're not gonna see yourself either. So it's not the right fit for you ever, right? To begin with. But here's a real vibe, guys. I used to say things like that too. Hey, just be yourself, drop your mask, drop the performance. But no matter how many times I actually communicated it, it wouldn't actually land. They wouldn't really understand what I meant. When it hit me, when this hit me, I realized, wow, actually, We're all actors by nature. The way I am in front of this camera right now, right, recording this content, the way I am with my high school friends, the way I am with my girlfriend, my parents, like, we're all different. We all wear different masks depending on whatever environment we're in. So the idea of, hey, drop your mask, Just be yourself. How do you even understand what that actually means? Well, the type of the myself that has gotten me where I am today, is that the type of myself that I should present myself to women? What is that version? I don't know, they don't know. This is why this is terrible advice. And the pattern was that, well, they all knew this advice, but they just didn't know how to implement it. And the flip side is that instead of you trying to be yourself, well, finding yourself is a lifelong journey. Instead of like trying to understand what your identity, core identity is, and then presenting that, well, understanding that that's a lifelong pursuit, but actually you only evolve not by just sitting down and trying to find yourself, but by actually, through action, through expression, through feedback from reality, this is how you learn how to really, really free yourself. So the idea that they received this advice and they just didn't know what to do with it, this was the last pattern. Be yourself. Is the terrible, the most laziest advice ever offered to human beings, men, to men and women. So those are the 5 big patterns that have held these high achievers, high performers back for decades. And once they've realized that, they've actually, crazy, crazy things have happened. Some moved countries, some finally realized their true calling in their life, right? Some started having families, some started having kids even. So miracles have happened. If you hear this and you feel like, hey, this sounds great, but how do I actually, you know, become aware of my own patterns and take action? Well, I happen to run my own private residential programs across the world. If you're interested, link is down in the description below and see what happens. We'll see what happens and we'll honestly let you know if this whole vibe is for you. And as always, keep calm and vibe on. Let the vibe guide you. Let the vibe guide you.
