She Was Smiling, But He Still Lost Her (Cold Approach Analysis)

Excuse me, I just want to say you look lovely today. I just want to say you look lovely today. English? Yes, I'll say you look cute, you look beautiful.

Yeah, you speak way too fast.

I noticed that.

Yeah, yeah, you speak really fast. So it's like, uh, like, I get it, right? People who speak English get it, but, um, like, people who's English is not their native language, it's very hard for them to understand, right?

So here, excuse me, I just want to say you look lovely today.

I just wanted to say you look lovely today, right? But like, the way you said, like, I actually, actually had to check if I was like listening to it at like 1.5 or 2 times the speed, right?

Also, you're very quick.

Excuse me, right? Excuse me, I just wanted to say you look lovely today, right? It's very like, it's almost like, again, you have to see the context. Again, the way I always put it is like, okay, when you first go out there, don't even think about creating any numbers and trying to vibe with them. First you go out there and then it's as if you're just warming up before your actual tennis match. You're like ping pong, just rally. Just go out there and just give compliments, just dish out compliments, right? So maybe this is like, maybe this is the vibe, but even then you want to think about your fundamentals. Slow down, strong eye contact, right? And then like when you look at them first, cheeky smirk, hey, slow down, hey, I just wanted to tell you, and then you go, and then you go for it, right? And sometimes, like, you just look at them and then you can see from their— from the glint of their eyes and just from their facial expression, you just notice something, right? And then you just like go into, hey, like, I was— I just noticed you and I wanted to tell you something, but like, just the way you look at me, this is what I'm noticing, right? So essentially, like, the reason why I'm asking you to really slow down is so that, like, we're here to help you really notice. You know, this is the art of noticing, actually, right? Does that make sense?

Yeah, that makes sense completely.

Okay, okay, so let's, let's see the full thing first, and I'm gonna like break it down, right?

Okay, awesome.

Excuse me, I just want to say you look lovely today. I just want to say you look lovely today.

Also, like, it sounds like the distance is that you're a little bit far, right? It kind of like— that's the way I feel. It's okay for you to do that, but then like, you can also like, I would say as you do it, like you kind of— I wanna— I'd love to decrease the gap, right? But let's keep going.

English?

I'll say you look cute, you look beautiful. You're welcome. I'm looking for this library cafe, but I can't find it. Do you know where it's in? Like Old Town, just It's basically you walk in this big building and there's like little corridors everywhere.

Sorry, I'm—

we're just tourists.

Where are you from?

From Japan.

Oh, awesome. You guys look really good today, by the way. Have a great day.

Okay, so before I comment, further comment on— provide a further commentary on this, like, were you— was it just like a warm-up or were you trying to like keep it going? Like, what was the genuine intention here?

I think this one was one of my first ones. Um, and I really didn't know what to say next, truthfully. Hmm.

I see.

Okay.

But like, if you can be honest with yourself, like you knew what to say, if the vibe was warm to you, or if it was, you would have kept it going, right? Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Like, let's actually break it down and see how you could have kept it going. Right. Cool. All right.

I just wanted to say you look lovely today. I just wanted to say you look lovely today.

Right, so like, let's pretend that, okay, you just go in with the, I just wanted to say you look lovely today, right? And then she's like, huh, what? Oh, you know, okay, sorry, maybe I'm speaking super fast, let me slow down. I just wanted to come over and tell you that you look super lovely today. The reason is, provide a reason, right? Just like, I would say like really slow down, paint the picture, paint the scene. Sometimes it's not enough for them to receive a compliment from you. They want the specific compliment. It's like, why you actually— what about her caught your eye actually? Is it the fluffy hat? Is it the fact that she's got like a super, I don't know, good skin and like black hair? Is it the fashion? Is it the coat? Is it just a fluffy thing? Is that it? Something about her caught your eye, right? Sometimes you don't know, sometimes you don't know, but like, that's also okay. Sometimes you don't know, that's also okay. You want to actually own that, actually express that fully, very in a, in a very raw, authentic way. What about her caught your eye? And like, hey, I caught your eye, you look big today. Um, I don't know what that energy is like, but I'm trying to find energy, right? You can't even express And then see what her expression is like there, right? And then instead of like having like an agenda, it's like, "No, no, no, no, no." It's like, just observe her, right? And then notice what she's giving you and then comment on that, right? Right, this is so— so it's really about the art of noticing, right? This is why I always talk about how like you got to be really, really present-minded, right? And you got to really like notice what's around you and then comment on that. That's why like it can be very meditative, right? Because the only way through here is to be intensely present, immersed as a moment, and actually express what actually arises out of you, you know, and how like she makes you feel, how talking about her makes you feel, how before you actually came up, walked up to her and say hello, you had a certain way of interpretation about her world and her and her world Then now that you actually walked up to her, actually her way of being occurs to you in a slightly different way, and that's actually intriguing, right? So there's so many different levels and ways of actually expressing that, you see, right? Um, and yeah, basically the way to actually do that is by slowing the fuck down, like really slowing down, right?

Cool. English? I'll say you look cute, you look beautiful.

'You speak English? Oh, okay.' Then like, you have your agenda about like, 'Okay, I need her to get it. I need her to understand that like I thought that she looked beautiful,' right? But the thing is also, women intuitively understand that, like, what you're on about essentially, right? I would have actually— what I would have done is like, she's like, 'Oh, you're like— oh, you speak English?' She's like, 'Oh yeah, yeah.' like, okay, okay, tell me more. Like, and then you like try to like guess her world, right? Be like, okay, you're definitely Asian, East Asian, China, Korea, Japan, right? Um, you're definitely not from here. Like, you're definitely not from here. Okay, so did you— and it's like really try to get inside her world, right? Instead of having your agenda of like, okay, I need to say this, I need to say this, I need to say the next, right? So you can be a bit more like multi-dimensional.

You're welcome. I'm looking for this library cafe right here.

You have an agenda, right? And then she's like, thank you. And then like, you're not really letting her express herself. She's like, she said thank you, and she could have said something even more, right? You're cutting it off and you're like, I'm looking for this library, right? And she's like, oh, it's almost like You want to slow down, give her an opportunity to express herself, right? And then you want to create this like a bit of like ping-pong energy. But here it's like you have an agenda and then you're like, okay, I need to like take her, right? This is the vibe.

But I can't find it. Do you know where it's in?

Even, even like when you express like this is library, right? Like I would like slow down more, right? If this was genuinely what you're interested in. Like, hey, so, um, I want to ask you a quick question. I was looking for a library, and probably— I mean, you look like a tourist, right? I'm honest, you're like, you're tourists, you look like tourists. So maybe you don't know, or maybe you know, because you're tourists, right? Looking for this library, right? But maybe you weren't looking for a library in the first place, right? Right. Be like, hey, look, fuck this. Okay. I'm just gonna be very honest with you, right? Like, I don't care about the library. Uh, something about you caught my eye. I want to get to know you, right? Be cool, right? Maybe they're like, what? Okay, let me slow down. Okay, I saw you, right? You look cute. I came over to— I, I want to come over, right? Walked over, walk over say hello, it's like, fashion, nice, right? Body language, right? Slow, slow everything down. You know, when you slow down, you have an opportunity to create this bubble between you and her. It's almost like that movie scene where like everything around you just like just fades out, you know? It's just you and her, right? You want to bring that level of energy here.

That makes sense.

It's basically you walk in the State Building And there's like little corridors everywhere.

Sorry, I'm— we're just tourists.

Where are you from?

From Japan.

Oh, awesome! You guys look really good today, by the way.

Yeah, here it's almost like Japan, right? There's like, where are you from? Japan. And you're just like, your immediate response is like, awesome. What's awesome about that? Hmm, I don't know. Tell me what you know about Japan. When you meet— let's say if I was Japanese, right? Let's say if we met for the first time, right? What would you say?

Um, I've always wanted to go to Japan. I've always known it for the lighting, the technology, the nightlife.

Okay, why, why is that?

Just the culture is very different.

Okay, in what way?

Um, I guess anime, there's like the food, there's—

yeah, okay, now we're getting somewhere, right? So basically what I would have done, right, you're like, are you from Japan? First of all, I probably wouldn't have asked, right? I mean, that's fine, sometimes, yeah, it's okay, right? Um, I would have guessed, right? I would have kind of created more of like a playful— oh, let me guess, don't tell me, don't tell me yet, right? And they're like, hmm. And then everyone wants to know how they're being perceived by others, right? Their tour, especially, oh, now we're getting a spotlight. I wonder if this white dude, right, understands, can guess where I'm from, right? They're also curious, they're hooked, right? And then be like, okay, so based on the way you dress and whatever, feel like, you know, there's this, right? Okay, and then like, okay, what do you like? What's your favorite food, right? And then your conversation could actually multiply, amplify in so many different directions in your guidance of this conversation, in this direction of like, okay, let me actually understand your world by instead of just asking, just playing with it. So that's the first thing. But let's say you didn't get an opportunity to do that and you're just, okay, where are you from? And they're like, Japan.

Okay.

Japan, huh? Okay, Japan. When I think of Japan, you know, I think of like— I've never been there— I think of anime, crazy technology, just something that's very different from the Western world, you know? And like, for me, I, I've kind of like always fantasized about Japan, like anime, and then like the people. The people are just like portrayed to be super polite and you know, whatever, right? Do you feel like you kind of like, you fit that vibe? Like very friendly and just like always like bowing, you know, like, is that it? Or are you like, are you guys more like troublemakers, right? What have I just done here? What I've just done here is to just really paint that picture of their world, right? And I've displayed my curiosity, but instead of just asking, it's almost like I'm playing, I'm making an assumption about what I think of their world can be like. And then I'm making also a parallel. It's like, okay, I'm making a connection between my imagination of their world to, you know, what they, what they must be like, you know, because they come from that world. You see what I mean?

Yeah, that makes sense, definitely.

Right? So it's not, it's not just like, oh, Japan, cool. Okay, what is it like? What, like, it's, it's cool in what way, right? Essentially, like, stretch it out, really slow it down, stretch out. Like, like, if you think it's genuinely cool, talk about what you think is— what about it is cool, right? Elaborate on it, right? Give them an opportunity to get inside your world. Actually. You want to get inside their world by actually painting a picture of what you think their world must be like, right, based on your understanding of their world. You know, when you see my videos, it's like, what, right? It's like, oh, oh, there's this different country. London, you meet people from all the world, right? Okay, this, this place. Ah, okay, like, I've actually lived there. And then, like, it's like, oh, these people, man, they're crazy. They drink like crazy, right? And like because of the XYZ, right? And it's almost like some emotion, right? It's not just like, oh cool, next, move on. They give an opportunity, they give you an opportunity to get inside their world, right? Okay, like let me do that. And then this is how, this is how like they actually understand that, you know, you're a very pleasant conversationalist, you know how to like communicate, and you know how to actually trigger emotions. In an interesting way, right? In a positive way.

Mm-hmm.

So that's—

By the way, have a great day.

So that's why. So that one a little bit deeper, but how does that land?

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

Yeah.

Yeah. Tell me your major takeaways from this one.

I wasn't actually going to include this one, but I thought I'd just include it anyway. I think this was one of my first ones. I feel like I came off as a lost tourist. I was asking for directions more than I was trying to speak to them. So it wasn't intentional enough. There was no real emotional connection, no curiosity. Um, yeah, I think it was not great in terms of what I was trying to achieve.

Yeah, but all good. But although, what were you trying to achieve?

Um, just building that sort of connection and building the conversation.

Yeah, yeah. Oftentimes with tourists, you can have like the best conversations because they're very open a lot of the time. They're there for adventure, right? That's it. So it's like, they're the best actually. But, and then you actually went there. What I want to give you credit for is that you actually walked up to them. Right, you initiated the conversation, it's yours for the taking, right? And you just, you just kind of like maybe even felt awkward or like you didn't know how to lead, right? You just kind of stopped, right? You could have kept on going, right? She smiled at you, right? There's, there's good elements there. Your, your general vibe is there. So I think like they give you their time of the day, but then like I want you to— I wanna, I wanna like help you kind of really capitalize, capitalize on this.