Steven approaches a half-Danish woman named Tanya in Bangkok while a coach narrates the interaction, breaking down how to use energetics, tonality, and genuine curiosity to build rapport. The conversation moves from initial greeting through personal details, shared interests, and ends with plans for a follow-up meeting.
Chapters
Hey, excuse me. Sorry. Do you speak English?
A little bit.
A little bit?
Yeah.
This is gonna sound very spontaneous. I just saw you.
You look cute.
So I wanted to come say hi. Hi.
Thank you so much.
I'm Steven. What's your name?
This is a very interesting one. She was walking super fast and I had to essentially walk past her and then catch up to her and then turn around and stop right in front of her because like she's walking very fast. I need to stop her momentum. Basically, I'm just like, going straight in front of her and then, "Hey, excuse me." It's gonna sound a little spontaneous. And then notice my tonality. I'm not asking for her approval. It's like, "Hey, excuse me, can I talk to you for a second?" It's not like this approval-seeking tonality. And then more important than that tonality, actually you can see as I turn around, I smile. I have a big smile, right? It's not like the serious vibe, "Hey, I need to do something with you," right? Like, "Whoa, I'm this macho cool guy. Hey, yo, what's up," right? It's like I'm just being myself really. Let's notice the energetics, notice the vibe. And at first, that's by far the most important thing. Now don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm not nervous. It's not like I'm not thinking about all these things. Like as I'm going into it, I'm just like, wow, okay, well she's walking fast. I just saw her real quick. I need to catch up to her and then essentially stop her momentum and then essentially like vibe with her, you know, right away. So that's what you see here.
You can call me Tanya.
Tanya, but that's not your real name. That's not your real name, huh?
Oh no.
Instead of saying like, okay, Tanya, and then good to meet you, I'm noticing that, okay, that's probably not your real name because energetics here, we're actually in Bangkok, Thailand. And then just by her accent, I'm just like, okay, she speaks English. I'm like, okay, that's not your real name, right? And it's not like I am scripting this at all. Like this is just like literally coming up to me, right? And that's not your real name. And actually you can think of it as a bit of a push, right? I'm not always I'm not always taking it at face value what they tell me. I'm always like questioning, what was that? Okay, are they telling me the truth or not? In this case, well, I'm a little suspicious. Like, is your real name Tanya? Tell me.
Om.
Yeah.
How do you spell Om? O-O-M? O-U-M. O-U-M. It's like a meditation vibe, the Om, you know?
Yeah, whatever.
See, right off the bat, like, it's been like 30 seconds already and The vibe is already playful. We're talking about her name. I'm offering my value to her in the form of my curiosity, my presence, and my vibe. Because I was curious, the conversation is not going from like, hey, Tanya, nice to meet you. Okay, so what do you do? Where are you from? This is how 99% of the time the conversation goes, you know, for most guys out there. But then here, the energetics are a little bit different because I'm curious. And I'm like, "Hmm, oh," right? It's like a, like literally I am just being very present in the conversation and I am essentially like here to play around with it because that's just like my vibe. I like to be playful. And guess what? This ends up being super fun. I laugh, she laughs, I laugh, right? And then there's like this bit of this, like a chemistry developing already. You can see it pretty clearly.
"Um" and Tanya are completely different names. How did you pick Tanya as your—
My dad, he's Thai, so when he called me, um, like, he's already like, uh, he can call my name like, um, like that. So he called me Tánh Đạo.
That's so interesting. I feel like in Thailand, people have always two names, right? Their real name and then their like English name.
This is interesting because now it's just been about a minute and she's told me a lot about herself. The fact that her dad is Danish, the fact that, you know, she's got these two different names, Tanya and Um, is pretty powerful. And that's what really happens when you are there to not just to take value and be like, wow, you're so beautiful, you're pretty, let me get your number. It's like, well, I just saw you, something about you caught my eye, and let me find out what else is there about her, right? Like, I'm here to really understand more about her on a human-to-human level, and then I'm here to really qualify her too. I'm someone who's always playful. I'm here to really connect. I'm here to vibe, and I'm here to really observe and see and assess whether she aligns with my vibe.
Yeah.
You know, I find that very, very interesting. And then you, when I saw you, I, first thing I noticed about you is that ninja vibe, you know?
What?
And here again, I'm stacking my observations. I already talked about what I noticed about her, her name, right? Her vibe, right? And then I'm like, okay, What I noticed about you at first, I'm kind of backtracking a little bit. I'm like, okay, let's slow down and let me actually tell you what I've actually observed about you, right? You have this bit of this ninja vibe.
You're like a samurai, like a ninja.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at this, you know?
It's like, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ninja vibe, samurai. The whole vibe is fun and playful. That's actually probably the easiest way to create that emotional connection, banter. And then as the vibe develops, you're gonna see how, you know, we actually build up that emotional connection even further.
Very like black and chic, but you're like about to do something crazy, you know? You have like a knife.
Right, it's a little push and pull. I'm like, okay, I like the fact that, you know, you've got this ninja vibe going on, but at the same time, I don't know, I gotta watch out because you're about to do something crazy, you know? I can see you having this knife and you're about to kind of like rip someone up. I'm playful, I'm telling a very vivid story, I'm getting her to imagine what her vibe how her vibe occurs to me, and I'm really telling her. So this is like another level, right? I'm not just telling her, "Hey, you look nice." "Hey, you look cute." "Hey, you look attractive, beautiful," et cetera. I'm like going one level deeper in terms of my imagination, in terms of my assumption, and then I'm offering my perspective, my vibe to her, right? And this happens to be not just about some random topic, it happens to be about her. And everyone wants to learn more about how other people perceive them. So that's why, like, she's so hooked, she's engaged.
I'm like a crazy girl like that?
I don't know, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe. We'll see. You're crazy. You're a little crazy. No, a little crazy is good. Little crazy is good. But I can see you as like a breakdancer, you know.
At this point, she's actually asking me a question about her. It's like, oh, you think I'm like a little crazy like that? I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think you're crazy. It's a little crazy, but I can also see you as like a breakdancer. I'm like stacking another observation Observation. See, it's not like I'm coming up before I approach her, like in my mind I'm already planning, hey, like here's what I'm gonna like talk about, you know? It's not really like that. I am just going in and I'm really, really here to be present, just like be here in the now. And as I'm talking to her, just based on what I've noticed about her, I keep on kind of telling her my observation.
You dance? No, you can't dance? Oh man, that's, that's a, that's a letdown. But do you sing or do you do anything?
Wow, that's a letdown. It's like, oh, okay, you don't do this, you dance, you don't dance. Okay, that's my standard. I kind of like see you as here. Oh, you don't dance. Okay, well, maybe next, right? So it's like a bit of a playful push, right? You can see I'm not just here to be like, wow, okay, wow, that's amazing. Okay, you don't dance. Okay, what else do you do? This type of energy is more like, okay, well, do you dance? You seem like a dancer. You don't dance? Okay, too bad. I keep qualifying her to see, okay, this is the type of vibe that I see myself with. This is the type of woman I want to surround myself with. Are you this type of person? Are you or not? You know, let's find out. That's the vibe here.
But music?
No, I'm not good.
No? Okay, what are you good at in life?
Right.
I'm qualifying. I'm like, okay, are you good at music? And I'm like, what are you actually good at in life? You know? See, like, the energetics are completely different. It's kind of like the analogy I like to use a lot is instead of going up to her and be like, wow, like, you're so beautiful, okay, like, you know, I'm, I'm already sold. Like, okay, you might be attractive, but what else you've got, you know? Like, make it easy for me to get to know you. So like, that's what I'm really, really leading her into.
What's your thing?
I'm not sure. I can sing, but I can see a little bit, not much.
I think you're lying to me because I feel like the more I talk to you, the more I understand your voice better. Your voice is quite— it's quite clear, you know.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right?
So this is like a very micro pull and push because I'm telling her, okay, I think you're lying to me. It's a push, right? Hey, like before you told me your English isn't that good, but now like the more I talk to you, the more I feel like your English is already pretty good. And 'Your voice is quite clear, so I think you would be a pretty good singer,' right? So that's what I'm telling. It's very meta because it's like, it's very micro, very fractionated pull and push, right?
Also, you lied to me because you told me that you only speak a little bit of English, but you speak really good English.
Thank you so much.
Right, this is like another push and pull right here, like with the English vibe. Okay, 'You lied to me because you told me you didn't speak English, but you speak pretty good English. You lied to me.' How dare you, you know?
No, no. Where did you learn your English?
Oh, online from movie also.
Important note here, a lot of the time most guys when they go to a foreign country and they meet someone who speaks great English, knowing that, let's say, unless it's like a, you know, they're in an English-speaking country, for example, in this case Thailand, you know, who speaks like conversational level English in Thailand, like pretty rare, right? But for her to be able to speak English at this level, well, there must be something to it, right? So instead of just letting that pass, I'm curious, right? What happened in your life that has enabled you to speak English at this level? I'm curious. Curiosity is a form of love, and that's what's happening here.
Ah, okay. So you're good with sounds? Like you can understand the sound pretty well?
Okay.
That's how I learn English. Long time ago. Long time.
Yeah, I'm telling her a little bit about myself by, okay, like, you're good with auditory stuff, sound, right? You're good with that. Well, just so happens that that's how I learned English, because I'm telling her English is not my first language either, right? So little hints here and there.
So where do you, where do you think I'm from? Take a guess, right?
So usually if a girl is interested with— now we've been talking for 2 and a half minutes. And you know, she's pretty seen and heard, right? At which point, like, you know, they would start asking me a question, but she hasn't asked me a question. So I'm like, okay, well, I don't know what her vibe is like. The vibe is pretty clear that she's, she's interested. She's feeling some chemistry here, but then maybe she's a little bit shy. Maybe there's some cultural context here that prevents her from showing interest like pretty readily, right? But she's following along. So let me, just make it easier for her to get to know more about me. So that's why I'm like, okay, what do you think? Where do you think I'm from? Easy next step, right? Because we were talking about that topic and pretty smooth transition here.
Malaysia?
Huh?
You come from Malaysia?
Malaysia? Ah, well, I was in Malaysia two days ago actually, but it was my first time. I'm not from Malaysia. I'm not from Malaysia.
I thought so.
Come on, come on, come on, come on. You have to go a little bit more east.
You see, she's like actually thinking about it, right? She's like, hmm, she's thinking about it, right? You can see, right? And then instead of me just volunteering my information where I'm from, I'm letting that sink in, right? And this is great because like she's actually investing emotionally me more, right? She's like trying to work out where I might be from, right? And then along with that, she might actually be processing all these different kinds of information to really understand what kind of person I am.
Actually, I don't know.
Take a guess, take a guess.
I don't know.
So bad at it, so bad at it, so bad at it. I'm from Korea.
Oh, really?
Korea and the US. I was born in the US, but I grew up in Korea. Yeah, yeah.
You see how, like, as we're talking, I'm like touching her kind of shoulder here, arm here and there, right? And then she's very comfortable with it, right? And then she's like even touching me as well. So you can see, you know, obviously we're here to analyze what actually happened, but not only verbally. Nonverbal is like way more than 85% of your communication. So it's really important to kind of like tune into the energetics here. The way I look at her, the way the way she looks at me, the little smiles here and there, right? Little hair toss here and there, and just like little light touches here and there as well. Very important to notice them.
Yeah, first I think you're like Thai people.
Yeah, yeah, because I'm quite tan, you know, especially in the summer. I spend a lot of time in the sun, so. But if I was Thai, I would have spoken to you in Thai, right? Yeah, exactly, exactly. And you grew up in Bangkok your whole life?
No.
A lot of the time, the number one mistake a lot of guys make is after they've shown some level of interest, right? Now, you know, they're talking about you. So you're like, okay, let me talk about you. No, well, let's talk about them again, right? She understands a bit about me. Let's put the focus back onto her, right? Because that's what's more important. I'm personally curious to learn more about her, right? And then now we've already established foundational level of attraction and chemistry. So okay, let's actually learn more about her.
I'm from Chungri.
Chungri? Yeah, that's near—
I have internship in Bangkok.
Oh, internship?
Yeah.
How old are you? Wait, can I see your face? Oh, cuter!
Thank you so much.
I was gonna say like, it would be really bad if you did this. I'm like, okay, bye, right?
So this is, uh, really cheeky point here because I'm telling her, because she's wearing a mask and I'm like literally asking her, hey, can you like pull it down so I can see your face?
Right?
And then I was like, oh, cuter. I'm literally telling her very, very explicitly that, hey, if you pulled it down and if it was bad, like I would have like walked away. And I'm literally walking away, right? And then like she knows that, yeah, it's just, I'm being playful. And she knows that I'm not there to just kind of like put her on a pedestal just because she's a pretty woman.
Woman.
See you. Okay, internship. So you're young, you're like 21?
Really? Huh?
I'm 22. You're 22?
Yeah.
Okay, how old do you think I am?
Maybe 25 or 26?
25 or 26?
I'm really— oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Yeah, yeah, no, it's fine. Everyone, everyone thinks I'm You look like a young good guy. Yeah, I know, I know. I have really good genes because my dad is really young. He has like zero wrinkles, you know, and then he used to be a professor, so his students would always come up to him and ask him, where did you get your Botox surgery? And he's like, no, no Botox.
Even though we're talking about like our age, how old we are and stuff like that, the conversation doesn't just stay at the level of just exchanging information like, oh, you're 22? Okay, I'm 36. That's it. And she's like, wow, like, I thought that you're like way younger. I'm like, yeah, yeah, I know. And then I talk about like the reason, right? Vivid storytelling here again. Yeah, like, I've got good genes. Again, I'm not like, oh yeah, like, you know, I'm not like trying to lure myself, or I'm not trying to be like, okay, like, I'm the best, whatever. I'm like, I, I just happen to have pretty good genes, thank God. Maybe I might have even included a story about how like when I was a kid, I used to pretty insecure about the fact that I look really young. So I even grew facial hair, but not anymore. As I got older, now I'm actually really comfortable with the fact that I look young, you know, it's just amazing. And, uh, it's just a real story. So I'm not shying away from really divulging more of that information, right? And then in the way I tell my stories, she can also understand what kind of communicator I am, right? Okay, how do I actually tell stories? How do I actually lead the vibe, you know, in the way that I want? How do I actually set this romantic context and how do I make the vibe slow, sexy, attractive, and vibey?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's how.
Your dad lives?
Yeah, my mom, not sure. My dad, yeah. But you also look young. I mean, you have to, you look young 'cause you're 22. It would be bad if I thought you were like 32.
Yeah, there's a lot of this like laughing here back and forth, and I'm just like, I'm telling her, yeah, it'd be bad if I thought you were like older, right? And she's like, yeah, you're right. It's almost like we don't have to explicitly communicate the vibe, but then the vibe is pretty clear, pretty clear like what this is about. Also, one thing to note here is what's actually unsaid. As she's telling me the story, I'm like looking at her, I'm like, she's also looking at me, and then I'm touching her like on the shoulder, and then she kind of touches me back, right? So you As you can see, the vibe is definitely developing here. And yeah, it's been like 5 minutes.
So Chonburi, that's like near Pattaya?
Yeah, yeah, actually if you travel, you go to Samui first.
Yeah.
And Pattaya is next.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I see. So you like live there right now and then you come up here for work, or do you live here?
Um, come up here for work. 6 months. Yeah.
So you have an apartment here and you live here now?
Yeah.
Just really getting a deeper understanding of, you know, what kind of life she has right now, you know. Is she splitting her time between two locations? Like, what kind of life she has right now, right? Because like now, like, we've kind of moved past this phase of attraction, right? And like banter back and forth. It's just like, okay, let me get to know you. Attraction was getting sparked, emotions were getting like sparking emotions, right? Sparking attraction. And then now like the vibe is kind of like slowing down a little bit, chills. Okay, so like tell me more about, you know, where you live and this type of stuff, you know?
And I go back home for the weekend like that.
I see. Okay, good stuff. Yeah, I live in Chiang Mai right now.
Oh, nice.
And I'm building a company there. So basically the idea, it's called House Manifest. Basically the idea is that we get a house, big house, and we invite different people working on businesses, business owners, entrepreneurs from different parts of the world, and then we invite them to live with me and we provide coaching, we explore together, we live together, work together, build a community together. So yeah, like I was in Portugal this year building my company and now I'm here.
Wow.
Yeah, that's why I'm here. Yeah.
Here what I'm doing is another vivid storytelling about my life. You know, making it easier for her to understand that, yeah, like, why am I here? What am I doing in Thailand? What is my purpose? I'm not just talking about, yeah, like, my purpose is to create more love in the world, right? It's a little vague. I'm actually telling her a vivid story about, you know, what kind of projects I'm actually building right now, why I'm here, where I was at before, just so that it's like easier for her to remember as well.
Yeah, it's fun. It's super fun. So now I'm in Chiang Mai until the end of October. But then I had to go out of Thailand to Malaysia because as a foreigner you can only stay here for 1 month. Yeah, so I had to be out and then I came. So you're super lucky that I'm here, so we got to meet, you know. Fate, destiny, destiny sometimes.
Notice a frame here. I'm not telling her like, wow, I'm so lucky to have met you. I'm telling her, yeah, you're lucky to meet me because usually I'm not here. I'm here, you know, when can you meet someone like me? Obviously tongue-in-cheek. I'm not trying to be like, yeah, like I'm like the most amazing person in the world, right? Maybe, maybe. But hey, it's like the energetic is like, okay, well again, I'm not here to put anyone on a pedestal, including you. Like we're here to connect. It's like here to vibe, here to play.
Do you believe in destiny?
Sometimes.
Yeah. Okay. What kind of destiny do you believe in?
Destiny? About the love? About love, yeah. Or sometimes you meet another people like that? Yeah. With the friends?
Yeah.
Now the vibe is getting a little bit deep here. We're talking about destiny, faith, our worldview. Why? Because it's like something I'm like, I'm interested. I talk, I like to talk about spirituality. I talk I like to talk about people's beliefs and values. And I'm not here to just connect with anyone. Obviously I'm here to offer my value. If something or someone catches my eye, I'm gonna go there to really display my curiosity. I'm gonna go there to offer my vibe, right? Always be vibing, code number one. That's my vibe. At the same time, it's important to really understand whether we're energetically aligned vibe-wise. Are we aligned here? So far we seem pretty aligned, right? I'm here to actually ask her more, probe a little bit deeper on, okay, do you believe in destiny? What kind of destiny do you believe in? You know, tell me more.
Right.
So that's one thing. Another thing is I'm holding a big water bottle and I'm like really chugging it as she's telling me, right. Obviously I'm not doing that on purpose. I'm like, I'm really thirsty. Little tip here. If you're eating something or drinking something, right. And you're talking to someone, it just kind of eases the vibe. It just calms nerves and it just makes the whole vibe way more natural because guess what that signals? You know, if you're comfortable enough to be just doing whatever you're doing, you know, while you're talking to someone, well, like that's what you do with your friends, family, with your partners, all these things, right? So small details, but important to note.
Yeah, yeah, I like that. You have a very chill vibe. I can feel it. I can feel a very chill vibe. You know, you're very like Grounded, no? But maybe, maybe when you drink you go crazy, or smoke weed. Or smoke weed.
Yeah, no, no.
Yeah, this is interesting. I'm just— because as I'm talking to her, I'm noticing her vibe, right? Her vibe is like pretty chill. The way she communicates with me, she's pretty chill. She's following my leadership quite well. And then I'm expressing to her, hey, like, you're pretty chill, you're pretty grounded, right? It's a bit of a pull, right? I like that. And then at the same time, it's like, yeah, but like, I can also see that like when you drink, you go crazy, you know? It's like, okay, also like my observation, my hunch, right? My assumption as well. I'm not just here to like pull. Also, I'm not always thinking, okay, like what is like a push and pull opportunity here? And I'm not like looking for that. It's just something that happens naturally because that's just the type of person I am. I'm not here to just like have boring conversations. I'm always here to kind of like push their buttons a little bit, And then, you know, they do the same thing to me. We just go back and forth. And that's what creates fun for me. And I'm also here to qualify them on whether they have the vibe to kind of be at that level.
You don't like to smoke weed?
I'm not sure I'm not lying, but I never have.
Never tried?
Yeah, never tried.
Wow, okay. We gotta try that. I gotta get you to try that.
Oh.
Yeah, how about, have you tried any Korean food or Korean drinks?
Korean food. Actually, I like Korean food. Yeah?
Yeah, high five! What kind of Korean food do you like?
Actually, I really like tteokbokki.
Tteokbokki, yes! So you like spicy food?
Yeah, I really like kimchi like that.
Kimchi, nice. I never really like kimchi.
See what we're doing here? I'm talking about Korean food because, well, I love Korean food. And I'm like, okay, I like someone who at least has this open-mindedness Like if they already like Korean food, that's great. If they haven't, okay, maybe there's an opportunity for us to try, you know, if the vibe aligns, you know, further. So let's actually understand that. And as we're talking, like we're high-fiving a lot, boom, boom, boom, little touches here and there, right? Really, really important to establish that because yeah, for me it's like a very, very important way to display my affection. And yeah, like already breaking that touch barrier, you know, it's easy. And then, you know, from touching, holding, you know, it becomes really, really smooth and quite natural as well. And then you can see that she feels that as well.
Kimchi, when I was a kid, you know? Yeah, yeah, because it's like too spicy. My mom would always like put kimchi in like water, like wash it. It's like too spicy for me. And then it wasn't until I turned like 30 that I was like, okay, now I can properly appreciate Korean food. It's like a different vibe.
Right. Again, vivid storytelling. I'm not just saying, yeah, I like spicy food, whatever. Hey, actually there's a bit of a story here. I used to not like spicy food at all to the point where my mom would essentially dilute the spicy level of kimchi. That's like really what happened. And now, like, you know, as I've gotten older, you know, I can't really say I love spicy food, but yeah, a little bit of kink here and there. It's like fine. You know, I like it. And I I've just gotten not only accustomed to it, but I actually really appreciate it, right? So I'm displaying that instead of just saying, "Hey, I like it. I like spicy food." "Hey, I don't like it." Very one-dimensional. I'm telling her a story associated with how I've grown to appreciate and like spicy food.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crazy. Okay, so you've tried Korean food and have you tried Korean drinks like alcohol? Uh, soju? Yeah, you tried it?
Yeah, I tried it. And actually, I like the soju strawberry taste. Yeah, I'm not like original taste. Ah, it's very bad.
The strawberry is not that good.
Oh yeah, not that good.
Like, have you tried grapefruit or peach? Soju grapefruit? Yeah, that's good. That's good. Good. And have you tried makgeolli? You know what that is?
Right, so here I'm essentially educating her on Korean drinks, right? And I'm not just saying like, okay, have you tried this? And then she's like, no, I don't like the original soju, but then I like strawberry. And I could have been like, oh wow, yeah, strawberry is great. But genuinely, like, I mean, I'm not a huge fan of strawberry soju. So I tell her, yeah, it's not that good, you know? Really, really important here. Just because you're talking to someone who you're building this vibe with, you're feeling this chemistry with, does not mean that you always have to agree with her just for the sake of potentially getting them to like you. Because number one, it's never about convincing someone to like you. And number two, you never sacrifice your values or what you like or what you don't like just because you feel like, you know, the conversation is gonna be more smooth. So like really hold your ground and then, you know, just state your perspectives and opinions, just like you would with your friends and with anyone. And from there, you can also qualify like what the vibe is like with the other person, with the person standing in front of you.
Mak kori is like, like a rice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, rice.
I try one time. Yeah, okay. And you didn't like it?
It's actually a vibe.
Yeah, you like it?
Okay. But sometimes my sister bought from store and I try I see.
So you have a sister? Older sister, younger sister?
Uh, older sister.
Older sister.
I have two sisters.
Okay, so you're, you're the youngest?
Yeah.
Oh, princess, man, that's too— that's too bad. That's too bad. Princess vibe.
Wow.
Notice the energetics here. We're talking about drinks and then all of a sudden we're talking about her family because she started talking about her family, right? And I could have just brushed it off and then moved on to another topic. But then, okay, she's telling me about her family. Let's actually— I'm curious, right? How many siblings you have? Okay, you've got sisters. You're the youngest. Oh, princess trouble, right? True story. But you know, I'm also making it fun, right? I'm not just like, okay, just pull, pull, pull. So, okay, push princess behavior, potential warning, you know, potential red flag. Okay, bye. You know, obviously tongue-in-cheek, you get the vibe.
Are you close to your sisters? Yeah. Yeah, that's good, that's good, right?
Notice how we're talking about, okay, like, oh, trouble, and then like, you know, I'm kind of like hugging her, and then like, you know, again, push a little bit, and then, okay, let's actually normalize the vibe. Okay, tell me more about your sisters. Are you close to them, right? The vibe is not like this, like, a clown energy of like, okay, let's just like have fun and then like stay on the surface level and like, you know, like jokey jokey jokey, whatever. It's both fun, playful, and deep at the same time. And that's the vibe that's very unique and very memorable as well.
And your parents?
Oh, actually my mom's been to Korea and my dad live in Denmark. Denmark? Yeah.
You speak really good English. Yeah, you're just okay because One of the things for me, I have this philosophy that when I see something, when I feel something, I need to take advantage of it. So when I saw you, I felt something, so I came to talk to you, right? But then I was thinking, maybe, oh, maybe what if she doesn't speak English that well? But then you said, like, okay, I speak a little bit of English, but you actually speak really good English.
Thank you so much. I'm not used to English for long, right?
So here I'm talking about my philosophy. It's very layered here. I'm talking about my philosophy, which is that, okay, when I see something, when I see someone that really grabs my attention, I'm going to go find out. And hey, it just so happens that like, you know, you speak great English. So that's great. So I like that, you know, um, it's not like, wow, that's amazing. I, I like that, you know, that's it. So really, really making it clear what I like about her vibe, you know, and guess what? She's probably put a lot of effort in learning English. English as well. So like, that makes her feel seen and heard, you know, instead of just taking for granted that she speaks English just because my primary language is English.
Yeah.
When's the last time you spoke English?
Maybe more than 5 or 6 months. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, sometimes I forget the English.
Have you ever traveled outside of Thailand?
Outside of Thailand? Yes, I have been Japan for a long time. Yeah, and I have been Copenhagen in Denmark.
Okay, because your dad lives here. I lived in Sweden near Copenhagen, across the— yeah, so my story is I've never lived anywhere for longer than 3 years my whole life. So I always—
right, so she's telling me about her kind of like her travel stories because our conversation just kind of like led us there. And it just so happens that her dad is from Denmark, so like she's actually been in that part of the world. And then I tell her, well, it just so happens that I used to live in Sweden for a few months, and I tell her my story. And then, well, I'm like, let's backtrack, okay? Let me make it easier for her to understand the world I come from. Like, I'm nomadic, etc.
Always moved around with my family.
You move around the world?
Yeah, yeah, around the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very Very graceful, you know. Yeah, so usually, like, I mean, Thailand is my home now, but before, my home was— I mean, still my home is, like, in Europe. My home is London, so I go there a lot because I lived there for longest, like, 3 years, you know. Yeah, it's super fun. Have you been to London?
No.
Now it's been about 11 minutes since we started the conversation, since I approached her, and the vibe is getting very chill. The vibe is getting grounded. Like we're just getting to know each other on a human to human level. And then it's pretty clear that the chemistry is there. This is a point that I actually would have invited her to go on a quick instant date with me right there and then. In this particular situation, I had someone filming me. So I was like, okay, let's see, we can't really go too far. Okay, let's just like, you know, stay in it. But you know, usually around the 7 to 10 minute mark, you know that she's attracted to you, you know that you feel the vibe, you like her as well, you know that there's something there, I would've actually changed the location and okay, let's actually grab a cup of coffee, tea, water, or whatever, and then just continue the vibe.
Yeah. But when I'm greater, I'm hoping I'll be able to go there.
Yeah. Wait, so you're still in college? You're at university?
Chonburi.
Chonburi.
Yeah.
So you're doing an internship while you go to university? University? Sorry, you're doing your internship while you're still going to your university?
I go to the university first, and before I'm graduated, I got an internship.
Okay, so you have one year left? Yeah, one year left. Okay, so what— tell me about this. What do you study? Like business, or like—
actually, I am a software engineer.
Yes! So she's telling me bit by bit about her world, right? And because I'm displaying curiosity, she's not being really shy about anything. She's telling me pretty much everything about her world, including what she studied, what she's doing right now, you know, what she majored in and all that stuff, right? And the thing is, if I hadn't asked her, like, we wouldn't have gotten there, right? So displaying your curiosity is really, really important. But notice the energetics. At first, I wasn't going to her with a list of all these questions, You know, these questions developed as I got to know her, as we started bantering, as I learned more about her vibe, her present vibe. And then it just so happens that she's got a bit of a multicultural background and she speaks good English and all that stuff. So like all these threads just kind of started opening up very naturally as a result.
Love it. Yes, nerd. You're a nerd.
Yes. Engineering.
Nerd. Yeah, engineers are all nerds, you know.
Okay.
I have a lot of engineer friends, that's why. Oh, because I'm building— I used— I was building—
Engineers are not all nerds, but I'm here to be playful, right? Yeah, it's just I have some amazing engineer friends who I build companies with, right? So like, I know that world. I built tech companies before. So when I talk to her, I'm like, wow, okay, you're not just a pretty girl. You like— you, you know how to code, right? "Like, you're an engineer." I'm like, "Wow, interesting." But instead of just being like, "Wow, like, that's amazing," first off that comes to my head is like, "Nerd," right? It's just like, yeah, banter. What I would tell my friend as well, "Oh yeah, you're a nerdy guy," right? This type of stuff, right? So again, not putting her on a pedestal, but just like being playful, having fun.
I was building a lot of companies, like tech companies, and usually I'm the CEO, business person, and then my friends are like, tech people, so we join forces together and we create apps together, like online solutions together. So a lot of my friends are developers. Okay, okay, you're very like smart. Yeah, you're very like—
No, actually I'm not, right?
Yeah, even, even just the way like I'm pulling here and say, yeah, you're very smart, but then I'm like, yeah, you're like, right? It's just like Even when I pull, it's like, yeah, it's playful, right? Like I can see you just like locking in and just going like, you know, just telling her what's up.
You're not smart. So what happened then?
What happened? I don't know. I only like the manga and like the program, so I like this.
Right here, again, instead of just brushing it off and be like, okay, you're an engineer, cool, next topic. Instead of jumping from topic to topic, okay, like you're an engineer. How did this happen? Going deep into one topic. Tell me more. I'm curious.
What kind of programming language? Like Ruby on Rails or like, what do you, what's your thing? What's your language? Python?
Uh, actually, I'm learning—
Right. When I talk about Ruby on Rails, Python, like it shows that like, you know, when I say I know this world, I'm not lying, you know, obviously not at the level of a proper engineer, but like I understand the world, right? So I'm also displaying my understanding of that world.
Okay, uh, Python. Yeah, PHP.
Okay, database stuff.
JavaScript.
JavaScript. Yeah, that's why you speak English, because developers, you have to speak, you have to like know English, you know. Yeah, yeah, okay, I see. Okay, now I'm getting the picture. Okay, and what do you want to do with life? Do you have like a vision with life?
You see how I'm not rushing anything here, like slowing down. And then I'm really sometimes pausing. I'm like, hmm, okay, now I'm understanding your vibe a little bit clearer.
Okay.
Okay. So like now I can understand why you speak English because you learn to be a— you learn how to code, right? So like you have to learn, you have to work with English all the time. So, okay, now it makes sense. I'm literally calling out the elephant in the room for her. I'm actually really telling her how I'm thinking about her. About things, right? Yeah, she can like see very, very clearly how I process things, how I think about things, right?
Like, you want to create an app? Do you want to like, you know, have you thought about this before?
Actually, when I'm 30, I'm thinking I want to make a business about the software. Yeah, I want to have my own business. Yeah, about this.
Okay, amazing. What kind of business?
About software.
Now taking a step back, I'm asking her, okay, so what do you want to do in the future with the software engineer vibe? You know, you probably chose it because like you have a bit of a vision here, right? Like I'm curious. Now we're stretching the conversation into the future as well. We've explored her present when we first met each other and then past, you know, her identity stuff, where her roots come from. And then we're actually extrapolating to the future.
About software. Like an app?
Like an application? Like a website?
Amazing. Okay, we need to talk more about this because for the past 3 years I've been building many tech companies, you know. So the reason why I moved to Sweden actually, because there was a company in Sweden that invested in my company. So I was living in Malmö, which is like It's just like there's a bridge, Copenhagen Bridge, and then Malmö. It's like it takes like 20 minutes. So I was living there for a bit, it was great. Okay, so now you live here, and, um, what are you doing tonight? You're going home?
Oh, actually I go back to the room and I have to make my project.
Project?
Wow, so you're still working?
I'm displaying her the display my knowledge of her world, right? Not only from a professional perspective, but also the fact that I lived in the Nordics, Sweden specifically, and talking about like, you know, some ties there as well to Denmark, right? Because like, that's where one of her parents is actually from as well.
Yes, Denmark.
Okay.
Honestly, because next week I have test. Yeah, okay, okay, nice one.
Um, I'm going to— I'm going down to Chiang Mai on Thursday, and I want to meet you before. I want to meet you before. Yeah, so maybe tomorrow.
Okay. Yeah, I mean, we'll think this first. Huh? Can I take time to think this first?
You don't—
you don't need to think This is interesting. I probably wouldn't have actually done that if I was actually really serious about it.
Here's—
there's a bit of like a more of this like a playful factor. I'm like, you know, you don't even need to think about it, right? But actually in that way, it's more of like a pull. If I had to do it all over again, I probably wouldn't have said that. Even before planting that seed for a date, I would have actually asked her for a quick instant date because like, I mean, here we've been talking to each other for like 15 minutes, right? And just going somewhere for or like a 5-minute coffee. Like, it would have been way easier, right? And then if she had said no to that instant date invite, then I would have just collected her number and then, okay, like, you know, maybe we'll see you next time, you know, something like that. So I actually wouldn't talk about the actual logistics for meeting up. The reason for this particular vibe where I was like, hey, maybe let's meet up tomorrow on the spot is because I'm actually leaving. I was in Bangkok for longer than a couple of days. Like I was actually literally leaving like in 2 days' time. So I was like, okay, well, let's figure it out right now, now that we're speaking. So that's the vibe here.
Yes, of course you take your time, but you don't— sometimes when there's an opportunity, you take it, you know.
Because she was like, yeah, can I think it through, you know, can I think about it? I was like, you don't even need to think about it, you know. Sometimes when there's an opportunity, you just grab it. But actually, in this way, just to be really straightforward, it's more of a pull. Basically, if I'm already certain about this connection, if I feel good about it, I don't need to really, really even talk about it.
Yeah, that's— I really believe in that. Nothing is random, you know. Um, are you— do you have your phone? Yeah, yeah, take my Instagram. You have a cat? You like cats?
Yeah, I have a cat.
You're a cat lady. What's your— is your spiritual animal cat? What's your spirit animal?
When I ask her for her Instagram, like, she's like, okay, yeah, I have. And then she pulls out her phone and I see a cat on her phone, I'm like, I call it out right away, right? I'm constantly observing. And then we're like, oh, you're a cat lady. Oh, interesting. Right? And then it's like, okay, what's your spirit animal? And then like the conversation becomes like way more dynamic and rich. It's not like I'm trying to like get her number like so eagerly. It's like, okay, like let's play around with that. You know, we can slow it down a little bit.
My spirit? My animal?
Yeah, I know, like the animal that represents your energy, your vibe.
I'm not quite sure, but actually I like horse.
Horse? Like zebra?
Horse.
Or just any horse?
Yeah.
You like riding a horse?
Yeah.
Yeah? So you have a good posture.
Like, really cheeky one, because I was like, yeah, so okay, so you, you know how to ride a horse, so you're good at it. Okay, good posture. Like, and I'd like touch her back a little bit, right? Like a really cheeky one.
When I younger, I write stories every week like that. Yeah, but now I not have no time.
You know, I haven't told you this.
She's saying, but like she's giving me her phone and then she like, yeah, let's swap our Instagram. So she's like just giving it to me, um, even though like we're talking about like you other things, right? She's like, okay, here's my Instagram. So that's what's going on.
Your eyes are very kind. I like kind eyes. Did anyone tell you this before?
Okay, that's me.
Okay, okay, well, have a lovely evening. Finish your project and, uh, I'll see you tomorrow.
I will text you.
Yeah, well, I'll text you. I'll text you. I'll text you. What time? You have time. You can always make time. Trust me, I'm an entrepreneur. I'm like pretty damn busy. I'm always busy, but when something happens in life and you want— you feel like it's really important, you make time for it. So what time do you get off work usually?
6 o'clock.
6 o'clock.
Okay.
I'll send you a text. Have a lovely evening. Great to meet you.
That's the end of the approach, right? So we've, we chatted for almost 17 minutes. And at the end, now in terms of like what I said, there's nothing really wrong there, right? The energetics, if I can be really, really honest, it could have been way stronger, right? Because this happened a few years ago. And also I was like, okay, I'm leaving in a couple of days time. So like, I think, um, like the energy became a little bit more pulling at the end. It's like, it's almost like, uh, okay, you know what, you gotta grab an opportunity. You have time, right? The energetics were mostly like kind of like playful, right? Having fun. So it didn't really seem like desperate or it's like, okay, like we gotta do it. But at the same time, like there's a, there's a hint of that energy. So I probably would not have said that, uh, if I could do, um, something all over again. But here are the takeaways, right? The takeaways are, okay, When you approach someone, really focus on your energetics, right? Your body language, open, wide posture, tonality, very loud. You know, I'm not there being afraid of like what to, what to talk about, how loud I am, right? I'm like unapologetically just being me. Big smile. I'm not really sacrificing my own vibe here. I'm not really compromising on anything. I'm also displaying my curiosity here. And because I'm so curious, I'm I wanted to learn more about her. The vibe got quite deep, very, very fast whilst maintaining this air of playfulness. Speaking about playfulness, the whole time you can see that the whole energetics are a lot of push and pull back and forth, you know, and even in terms of like the body language, you see me kind of walk away, come back, walk away, come back, push her, literally physically push her sometimes and then pull, right? So you see this fractionation, right? So it's push, pretty advanced level. And obviously, if you don't really pay attention that well, it's like, wow, like, that's just like a normal conversation. Yes, it should feel like a pretty simple conversation, but underneath that, obviously, there's many different layers to it. And that's the vibe. Now, if you watch till the end of this video, something about this content and the vibe must have resonated with you. If this is the case, and if you really want to learn how to do something similar where you're just confidently going out there and creating magical spontaneous connections anytime, anywhere, hit me up. I've got a couple of spots left in my highly personalized coaching program. Don't miss your chances. All right, for real though, if you want to stop complaining, stop bitching and moaning, and actually start taking your life, your dream love life seriously, well, you got to take action. If you want to create something extraordinary, well, guess what? You got to do something extraordinary. You got to learn how to do something extraordinary. So if that speaks to you, if that really resonates with your vibe, hit up Papa Choi.
