I Got Rejected by 14,414 Women and Learned This

Alright, by far the most important lesson: action versus mental prep. Action versus mental prep, right? Now, when I first learned about this concept of approaching anyone during the day, completely sober, it just completely blew my mind. How, how is that even possible? I don't have to go out to a bar, I don't have to drink alcohol, and it just happens. And then when I first learned about it, okay, what did I do? Of course, I, I, I was like, you know what, I want to do it, I want to take action on it. But then, like, it's scary. I ended up— I was in college back then, right? Um, I ended up walking around my college campus for literally, like, at least 3 hours, probably 5 hours, right? Just thinking about approaching someone, right? I might have even watched some video on it. I might have even read about it, right? Like, I was doing a lot of mental preparation. And then, when I first approached a woman, right, a girl for the first time, it just blew my mind, right? And the thing is, the truth is, I don't even actually remember what actually really happened because you know, over the past 15 years, it's just like so many people, right? But when I did finally make that approach, like, I was like, oh, it's not a big deal. She just walked away, right? And she just thanked me. Wow, like, okay, thank you. I just complimented her, she just walked away, and then that was it, right? And then now, fast track 18 years later, you know, all these people that I've actually interacted with, and connected with, right? None of the failures I actually really, really remember, right? And they're just kind of like, wow, like beautiful memory, some funny stories out of it. But then time and time and time again, what I always, always reminded myself of is this point. No amount of mental prep, no amount of watching videos, no amount of reading books, just thinking about it trumps actually taking action in real life. So this is like by far one of the most important points. To give you a little bit of an analogy, it's like you just got drafted to be an NBA player, right? You're a basketball player. And you know, you're like, okay, I wanna like learn how to play basketball really, really well because I'm getting paid to do it. Instead of just watching tape, just like learning about it, you know, doing all these different drills, what is the best way to actually learn? Well, actually be in the game, actually taking action on it, right? Easy. All right, so that's point number 1. Now, as I started taking action out in the field, and I met so many different people, there's one thing that really, really stood out to me, right? And here's the point. Here's the point. The point is that sometimes I would go out there and meet some people, and even without me doing anything, they would just be like, "Oh wow, like, hi, like, I'm curious, I wanna talk to you." Some people, they're just like, no matter what I do, they're just like, "Okay, walk away." Sometimes they would just swear at me, okay, like, "Get lost," whatever, right? Or just like very dismissive and rude, right? Point number 2, traffic lights. So traffic light, you've got, you've got, you've got green, you got yellow, and you got red. So what does that even mean, right? No matter what you do in life, there are people who are just gonna be really warm to you, just for the way you are. Vibrationally, you guys are aligned, right? For the red vibes, whatever you do, they're just not available. They're just not into you. And a lot of the time, actually, it has nothing to do with you, right? So don't even worry about red. Green, Well, you have an opportunity to actually connect further, and it's up to you to actually capitalize on this opportunity. A lot of the time, as you go on this journey, on the yellow side, you can actually improve your success rate. So red, not available, nothing personal, right? Green, they feel your vibe. Sometimes you might not even feel their vibe, but they feel your vibe, you know? So it's up to you to capitalize on this opportunity. Yellow is really a timing factor, right? It's really a timing factor. What I mean by that is that maybe they might not be so green yet, but give it more time, they could be green or red, you know? It's completely up to you to see to really move the vibe in the right direction. And obviously, it's a two-way street, right? All you have to do is just like put the right, you know, take the right steps. So that is the vibe. So what is the main point here? Traffic light, you know? No matter what you do, there are things that you cannot really control, you know? This whole game is not about controlling. It's like, oh, like, I see a person, I need to get them to like me. It's not really about that. The moment you think about it, you already lose. And this has been one of the most profound insights because I came from a place of a deep heartbreak. You know, the reason why I started on this whole journey was that many years ago, 18, 19 years ago, I had this severe heartbreak as a result of a situationship, not even a relationship that didn't work out. And Instead of just letting that be, I was going inward. I was criticizing myself a lot. I was judging myself, you know, I thought something was wrong with me. You know, I was extremely insecure about the whole thing, right? So then, as a result of me wanting to really fix myself, you know, this whole journey got started. I wanted to approach a lot of people. I wanted to really feel validated and loved, So that was my starting point. That was the initial context. And because of that, rather than just going out there and wanting to connect with people, wanting to offer love, I wanted to really control a lot of these different outcomes. I wanted to get people to like me. I wanted to almost force them in a way, right? It sounds pretty horrendous to even say it, but that's kind of like where I was coming from. That was the context, right?, right? But then once I realized this, the traffic light, right? That no matter what you do, there are people that are just like not available, not into you, nothing personal. No matter what you do, there are people that actually are into you. And then there's a lot of in-betweens. Well, you can actually breathe, right? And I was able to relax. And then it was more about, it became more of a, hey, let me just go out there, you know, as my own, as myself. And put myself out there and see what the vibe is like, and let's actually observe what actually happens in my world. So that became one of the main things. So a story that illustrates, like a very good example for this, right? One time I was in one of these European countries back in the day, and I was waiting at a traffic light signal, literally like traffic light, right? You get it, right? And I see a girl, we make eye contact and she smiles at me and she was eating grapes. And then we made eye contact. And then when the light turned green, she crossed the street, right? And then she looked at me and she was like nervous and she was like dropping the grapes. And I said, hello. Immediately there was a spark. You know, I didn't even need to say anything. The vibe was pretty on, right? And then we ended up going for a coffee, right? And then the vibe was on, right? This is a pretty good illustration of the vibe being on, green light. So learn to spot it. And also when you spot red light, don't stress out. There's literally billions of people out there. And that's what I really, really internalized as I really gained more power in this journey. And as I started confidently going out there again and again and again and again and again. Alright, so that is number 2. Actually, there's another point that I want to deliver. As I was structuring this, as I was looking to make this video, I was like, okay, what is the best way to really deliver all the different points? Because there's a lot of points, right? And then what I've noticed is that what are the main takeaways, right? Obviously, and the traffic light is one of them. And actually, alongside with this point, point that I deliver, really, really important point, you know, and I just remember actually now, is being outcome— there's an outcome, right? Being detached from whatever actually happens, right? Detached, detached., right? Being outcome detached. Earlier I was talking about how like my starting point was wanting to control a lot of these situations because I wanted to move an interaction towards a certain place. But being outcome detached, being outcome independent, it's allowed me to really, really relax into the vibe. And when I actually speak to someone, when I approach someone, it wasn't like, wow, I've already decided that I need to do something with this person before I even get to know them. I've already decided that I like this person. But no, it was never about that. Once I've actually realized it, it's more about, okay, well, this person looks pretty attractive. Let me actually assess whether we two are aligned. So in this way, I was like, hey, I might not like this person, who knows? Let me just simply observe and see see what happens, right? So not trying to really overly control the outcome. That became one of the main mantras, right? And I hope you take this vibe forward as well. So that's the next one. There was a story that I still remember actually from back in the day, and it was actually an almost red light. Situation, right? It was late at night, I was in Prague, you know, it was many years ago, and this girl was like in this very fancy dress and she was walking really fast, you know? And like she just stood out to me, and I go, I rush, and then I approach her. Hey, excuse me. It's gonna sound a little spontaneous, but I just noticed you, you're like walking super fast, you know? Like where are you rushing off to?, and immediately she just went off, you know? She was like, "Fuck off, you know, what are you doing? Like, how rude are you? You know, like, what are you doing here just like stopping like a woman?" You know? And then there, right there and then, I had a choice to make, you know? Am I gonna be upset about it? Am I gonna be emotionally rattled and respond to her, right? And be like, "Hey, how rude are you, da da da." Like, am I gonna be part of that pendulum? Am I gonna actually just calm down a little bit and really observe what's actually going on there? And then, you know, just like have a different response, right? So this is another really, really main point. And this is probably one of the strongest points that I want you to take away from this video, right? Your choice, is your reality. Your choice is your reality. You always have a choice, and with your choice, you can always shape whatever reality that you desire, right? And this is the main point. At that point in time, I was faced with this girl. I was talking to this girl, right? And she was like, almost like displaying this very rude behavior. But what was interesting was that she could have just walked off, you know, but she was standing right there. She was still in front of me, right? And I was like, hmm, I wonder why she's displaying this type of behavior, right? There must be some type of incompletion, right? Or maybe she wants to feel validated. Maybe she wants to feel heard, actually. Right? Because if she really didn't wanna talk to me, if this is really like a red light, you know, she could have walked off, right? But she's still there. And I was like, okay, she's still there in front of me. I have an opportunity to like find out more about her. I got curious. So I got inside her world, right? And then I asked her a couple of questions to really like understand on a deeper level what must be going on right now. And then we started talking, the vibe calmed down., right? All the feistiness, all the spiciness kind of like went away. And then shortly after, I invited her out on a quick drink, like right there and then. She accepted. We went on a quick instant date. We shared some wine, and then we went on a bar hopping. You know, she was from Prague. She was a native, so she kind of showed me around. And then by the end of the night, she asked me if she could make babies with me. Like, I'm not kidding, right? And that is the vibe, right? There's like a couple of different points at hand here, right? Here, well, she could have been a red light, right? And, well, I have every right, because the vast majority of the guys, if they confront a situation like that, they probably walk away because it's just very startling, right? But then, well, what does Papa Choi do? Well, I'd already had experiences. I'm like, okay, let's actually, rather than just listening to what they say, let's actually observe what's going on. Is actually notice the nonverbal side of things. And well, that's what happened, right? And here the choice I made was that, okay, let's not be emotionally affected by this thing. You know, the choice I made is like, okay, let's actually hear her out. You know, let's be curious. So that was the point here. At any moment you have a choice to make. There's always a choice. How you respond to different situations. Even, I told you, I got rejected thousands and hundreds of times. And why do I say rejected, right, with this stuff, right? Because I don't perceive it like that personally, right? For me, every rejection is a win. I've learned something super profound. And it's not that they rejected me, it just, sometimes they're not available, sometimes they're just not interested, whatever, right? And everything adds to my learning. Everything adds to my growth as a human being, right? So the choice I made was that, hey, rather than actually be emotionally affected and be hurt about whenever these women reject me, right, or say no to me, well, the choice I'm making is that, oh, I'm learning something about myself. Am I, just because they're attractive, am I putting them on a pedestal? Am I talking to them a little bit differently than I normally do? Let's actually learn more about myself. Maybe everything is a feedback loop. So that's a choice I've made, and that's a choice that I continue to make, and that's a choice that I want you to make as well, to really, really reframe how you perceive your reality and how you want to further shape your reality based on your intention. Very important point. One time I was in New York. This is a story that like one of the days that I was still very, very distinct to remember, right? From all the years of approaching. One day I was out with a good friend of mine, my German friend, Yannick, shout out to him if you watch this, if he's watching this. So I went out with him, right? And it was like a beautiful Saturday afternoon. You know, we grabbed lunch and we went out and Something happened, something happened like that day, you know, I was able to really, really lock in. And I ended up approaching like quite a lot of women. And from like, for over the duration of an hour, an hour and a half, I approached something like at least 10 women, right? And then I ended up receiving a phone number from every single one of them. I kid you not, right? One after another. And then it was something that I had never experienced before., and I was like, wow, this is something crazy. I feel like I'm just kind of accessing, I guess, quote unquote, God mode, right? And I was very happy about it. I felt like I was on this, like, I felt like I was in this movie Limitless. It's like something clicks, your eyes, your pupils dilate, and I'm like, wow, okay, very smooth, very charismatic, getting a lot of numbers, right? So I went home, right? I followed up with all of them, and the next day I met up with my friend again, right? And he's asking me, "Hey, Steven, so what happened with all these girls?" And then I still remember how ashamed I was. I was so embarrassed to tell him that like, yeah, I got all these 10 numbers. I followed up with all of them. Only 2 responded to me., and then they all fizzled, both of them fizzled out. Essentially nothing happened, right? And this is when I, this is what really, really hit me, right? And this is the main point I wanna drive home here right now, right? Numbers, connection. Numbers do not equate to connection. A lot of the time, even my clients, when I ask them to go out there, approach them, you know, the first thing is like, okay, I need to collect as many numbers as possible, right? Unless there is a strong emotional connection made between you and the person standing in front of you, everything fizzles out. So I think this is like what must have happened. You must be wondering, okay, Stephen, like, you said you're great, so like, how come you access God mode and then like nothing really happened? I think this happened in the very like early part of my journey of approaching, you know, approaching, right? And then like learning self-improvement. And I think what must have happened was that I was very sort of romanticizing the idea of going out there, approaching,, and then getting numbers, right? And they're just appearing like this very confident, charismatic guy, you know, who's like very suave and cool, right? So, I remember even one of them, one of them told me, "Hey, you do this a lot, right?" I'm like, "Why do you ask?" He's like, "Yeah, 'cause you just have this like energy of like," you know? And so I think like, I learned how to really perform, you know? And then I really just was drawn to the idea of just like going out there, doing some type of performance and collecting numbers and feeling like, oh, I've achieved I want something, right? But then in reality, like when I really put myself in that way, right? I think the vast majority of them probably felt like, oh, that was like an interesting vibe. You know, it's like a pretty fun dude, but I don't really feel connected to him, you know? And like, oh, that was fun. But like, you know, I'm not really gonna follow up. I don't really feel anything. I don't really know anything about him, you know? And that was like an interesting conversation, like a cool conversation, but that's it. So I never really learned how to create this emotional connection, you know? And the funny thing is I had learned from so many different coaches. I attended so many seminars and boot camps at the time. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with them, you know? But, you know, what I learned was to really kind of how to put on the facade of a very confident dude, you know? And it gave me certain results, you know? 'Cause at a certain point, like as I told you, I told you about the traffic light system, system, right? Like there's some people resonate with me and then it works. But then I think there was like a deeper part of me that was really scared to really put myself out there. So then like, you know, these numbers, all these numbers I was collecting didn't really translate to connections. And then it was one of the most pivotal moments in my journey because like on the surface I thought I was doing everything correctly and I was going out there taking a lot of action. Putting a lot of energy, right? And meeting up, taking a lot of action, just doing everything, collecting numbers, right? But then like nothing happened, everything fizzled out. It's like, what the fuck? You know? Like, what am I supposed to do now, right? So it was one of my, one of the like lowest moments in my journey, right? And it also taught me such a valuable lesson, which is emotional connection really trumps everything, right? And that's what really, really what we're looking for, whether you're a woman, man, we're all looking for that deep, meaningful, soulful connection, right? We all wanna be heard and seen, right? And acknowledged. After this point, I was no longer going at it from the perspective of, okay, you know what? Like, let me approach as many women as possible. Of course, because I was drawn to it, there's something undeniable about approaching a lot of people and they're just learning from practice, right? There's that, but I was no longer really focused on, you know what? I just need to approach like hundreds and thousands of people. Although that's what actually happened, my front and center of mind was like, okay, how can I actually create this emotional connection, right? And how can I really, really connect with people, right? So that became the front and center, really. What gave you this drive to still keep approaching this many women? Even after all these rejections, what gave me this drive, right? Really good question, thank you. I think at a certain point I realized that behind every successful human being, there's a trail of failures, you know? You have to get used to people saying no to you in your face. And I realized that, okay, like, I have a choice to make. Either fearing my failure, fearing judgments, I don't take any action and I just like sit by the sidelines, right? And then just like watch the world go by, you know? Option number 1. Option number 2, I take action. I take action and then I essentially create and shape my own reality in the way I want. And even after, yeah, people might say no and all that stuff, like I'm, I was still learning everything, right? This goes back to the principle of, okay, Your choice is your reality, really, right? And the choice I made was that, okay, rejection is not really like a rejection for me. It's an opportunity to meet more people. It's an opportunity to connect with more people. And at a certain point, it's interesting, the journey has evolved to a state where I was learning more about myself. It was more about my self-discovery and human connection rather than me wanting to be validated, me wanting to get something from someone, you know? It kind of evolved to this new point. So then I realized, okay, when I actually think about it, like now we're talking about attraction, seduction, relationships, this is the context right now. But when you actually shift the context a little bit, let's talk about business, entrepreneurship, life, creating your reality. All the entrepreneurs, all the people who do something outside of what they're comfortable with, they have to go out there and face this new situations, and then, well, they face a lot of rejections and nos, right? So at a certain point I realized that it's kind of like one of the fundamental truths in the universe, which is, yeah, if you are someone that takes a lot of action, no is something that, getting a lot of nos, that's just something that happens, right? So I realized that, yeah, it's actually, if I'm not getting a lot of nos, right, that means that I'm not taking any action. You know? Because the truth is, it's like, it's impossible for me to think about, okay, like everyone is just gonna be like, everyone's gonna like say yes to like getting a coffee with me or, you know, like go on a date with me because like some people are in a relationship already, right? Some people, so like nos are just like part of the like normal factor, right? Like a normal variable. So that's what really, really has taught me. So Edison, I realized, you know what, this journey is more about learning and understanding more about myself. And also, I was driven to still find someone, my dream relationship, you know? And then until I found this relationship, this connection, I'm not really gonna stop, you know? And as I traveled around the world, it just became way more fun to actually connect with people, right? Which is the next point I'm gonna talk about, actually. So when people find out about the art of approaching, right? And they actually go on this journey, right? This is what usually happens, right? This is like the arc actually, right? At first, you feel pretty hopeful about it, right? You see some videos, right? You see people like me and they're like, wow, like, you know, it's flashy. You know, you can connect with all these people. I can do the same, right? So they learn all this and maybe they get some, they get lucky here and there, right? And then basically, you know, you get here, right? It's like, wow, it's amazing. And then you kind of get here. It's like, wow, okay, things are kind of like, things are way more difficult than I thought it would be, you know? And then they kind of go over here. It's like the valley of despair. Alex Hormozi talks about it in the context of business and entrepreneurship, but it's like pretty much the same, right? The valley of despair, they're like, okay, this is super difficult, it hurts my ego, right? I go out there and I don't even consume alcohol and it just like, there's nothing to really rely on, things are too difficult, getting nos, getting rejected and all that stuff, I'm just gonna quit. So I've seen it all, over the past 17, 18 years of doing this and coaching hundreds of thousands of people, I've seen guys just like, it's almost like they learn about this concept and they're like, oh, it's like a shiny unicorn, right? Something very flashy, right? It looks attractive, seductive. Let me give it a go. And then they realize that, well, it's actually not what it seems like in reality. So they give up. So the attrition rate is like insanely, insanely high, right? And then once you actually get through it, once you actually get through this valley of despair, and then you actually realize that you just kind of get through with it and you realize, you integrate everything that I've told you about, you know, your choice being your power and actually your choice, the idea that you can actually shape your own reality, right? By reframing how everything occurs to you, right? Making the right decisions, making the right choices, right? The traffic light system, everything. Once you've integrated everything, then, and then you actually keep on taking more action, right? Then you actually achieve something amazing here, right? So, you might be wondering, Stephen, what's allowed you to kind of get through this valley of despair? You know, like what actually gave you this courage and vibe, you know, when the vast majority of guys actually just quit? What do you think? Brotherhood. I was telling you the story about like me going out with my friend, right? And, you know, sharing these tips and info insights, right? We would go out there together and push each other to do different things, to do even more adventurous things. And we would like come together, huddle, and then like talk about, share, you know, what actually occurred, you know, and what we can do to like better next time and so on and so forth. And if it wasn't for, my brothers, my friends that were on a similar journey, it probably wouldn't have happened. Probably would have given up. And especially when at this stage, right? When it's really, really tough. Like that moment I told you when I spoke to, literally when I approached literally 10, 20, 30 women, I got 10 numbers. Everyone really fizzled out. I would have probably quit if it wasn't for my friend who was really there for me. Me, right? So brotherhood, really, brotherhood, this is what really keeps you going, right? Why do you think that people who go to wars, for example, you know, they have this, they end up bonding, you know, with their fellow warmates like crazy. Well, because you go through a certain journey together, you go through a journey of insane personal development, intense introspection, and some profound reflection, right? All these things really add up and you end up forming these super strong bonds. And what I recommend you to do, if this really, really resonates with you, is to really find other brothers who are curious about this thing, right? And, Funny enough, and this happens to be exactly what you would receive if you are lucky enough to join Papa Choi's coaching program, and you essentially meet other brothers who are on a similar journey. I'm in your corner every step of the way so that you're not just learning to do this stuff for a weekend or a couple of weeks, and then you go back to your normal life and you quit. We intimately understand what this emotional rollercoaster really, really involves. So all you really have to do is really have this willingness to take action, have this willingness to really transform, and then trust that everything's gonna be amazing as long as you actually take the right steps, take action, right? And I'm here to guide you. You have your brothers to really support you along the way. And this is really how you elevate the journey to the next level. Now, when I think about the next part, you know, it's really tied to this emotional rollercoaster journey, right? When you think about this whole journey, if it's always unicorns, butterflies, and rainbows, and if it's always amazing, right? Always easy. Well, it wouldn't be fun. Anything fun involves a dimension of unpredictability, uncertainty. You have no idea how it's gonna go, right? So what's really, really interesting here and important is to take a step back and then really take stock of the whole thing and realize that this is what? Just a game, you know? Life is just a game. Talking about game, not in this manipulative way, right? You have to like manipulate this person, yourself, et cetera. That's not, that's not what we're talking about here. What I'm talking about here is that the moment you actually start treating everything as a game, and then there's nothing serious going on here, like everything is fun. No one can beat fun, right? If you're having fun, well, suddenly we talked about the value of being detached from your outcome, right? You can be detached, right? You can be like, oh, you know what? Yeah, I wanna beat this game. I wanna be better at this game, but hey, it's all a game anyway, you know? Like, let me just have fun with it, right? And with this mindset, the vibe becomes completely different. One day, I was on the subway in London, or the underground, with a friend of mine, and we're just talking, we're just having a normal conversation, chit-chat, and then out of the corner of my eye, I see this girl sitting on the other side of the platform. She just looks at me, right? And I was like, oh, maybe she just, you know, she's just looking at me, whatever, and I just carry on talking to my friend. She looks at me again, she smiles this time around, you know. I was like, okay, she's actually smiling at me, right? And then what did I do? I walk up to her and I was like, hey, what was that? You know, I saw you steal a little glance like that cheekily, you know. Um, why, why do you got to distract him like that? And then I end up talking to her for a couple more seconds, right? And then, you know, by the way, we are on the side subway, right? We're like moving. I don't know when she's getting off. I don't know. I'm getting off in a few stops, right? And then I was like, hey, like, let's get off at the next stop and let's chat. We end up chatting, right? And we end up going on a date, right? And this whole thing is like a movie scene in a way, right? It's almost unbelievable. And then my friend later on, he told me, he was like, hey, Steven, what you do is crazy. You know, the fact that you can do that sober. And it's almost like, like a movie scene. And I actually, I even asked her, I was like, "Hey, you actually, you know, gave me that eye contact. What was going on? Like, why were you looking at me?" And she was like, "Yeah, there's something about your vibe, like, that was very attractive." I was like, "What is it? Can you, like, tell me?" And she goes, "Yeah, just the way you're talking to your friend, you're just so in your own world and you're having a lot of fun." And then, you know, on the subway, especially in London on the Underground, everyone's kind of on their phone, you know? Like a death vibe. And then like, you're just kind of like full of life, and then there's just something very magnetic about you. And then like, I was very drawn to you naturally. I'm not even thinking about it, that's just what happened, right? And I was very appreciative of the fact that she told me this thing, so I got to know, right? So what's the lesson here? Really understand that this whole thing we're here to play is just a huge giant game. Because of that particular scenario and at hand, I was being more playful. I was with my friends, I was like chatting with them, right? I was already like vibing with them. And then when I walked up to her, I wasn't like, hey, excuse me, I saw you, and then, wow, you look so beautiful, like your vibe is so amazing. It wasn't this energy, right? I was like, hey, like I saw you like cheekily just looking at me, you know? Like what's going on, you know? I had this playful energy, right? So the whole energetics we're talking about here is like, you know, like a kid in the playground, right? And you're in the playground, you notice another kid and you walk up to the kid, say, "Hey, do you wanna play?" You know, this type of energy, right? So just because we're adults, it doesn't mean that the game is any different, it's exactly the same. You know, we just kind of forgot that this is the vibe that actually creates a lot of fun, a lot of magic, you know, not like you sitting, behind the phones and you're like, oh, like, what do I do? And like, oh, I'm so stressed, you know, this type of energy, right? So nothing beats fun and treating life as a giant game is the key to that vibe. Okay, now before I talk about the next points, I kind of thought that, yeah, so like, what is like the playful vibe and kid in the playground? What is like another way to really, really talk about it is Well, a lot of the time we're just like too serious about things, you know? We are kind of holding onto things. We're like, yeah, like we're serious because we're attached to certain things. It all goes back to the detached point that I was talking about earlier. When you're like trying to make something happen, there's nothing wrong with setting goals and setting your intention, right? But then when you are holding onto certain things, so I need to make this happen, then yeah, because when you're holding onto something tight, right? It's like you're about to like ride a bicycle bike for the first time, you know, and like you've got no support, let's say, and like you're just riding your bicycle for the first time without any like support, support wheels, I think that's what it's called, right? You're like nervous or you're holding onto really tight, you know, then what happens? Like you're serious, right? You're not like, eh, like having fun, right? So in the most serious situations, if you actually have the power to flip it, you have the willingness to have a lot of fun with it, playful, that's what really creates a lot of this vibe and flow, right? And that's the vibe. And talking about flow, a lot of people, in a lot of my other videos, what I talk about is your presence, right? Your presence. Your presence is your vibe, and your presence also is your power, right? Now, the first couple of years or so of me approaching these beautiful women during the day and night and connecting with them, I was really, when I first got into it, I was more into learning more about some of these lines, you know, how, what do I actually say? And how do I, what do I say next? If they say this, this, you know, what do I say? It's almost like a playbook, right? You say this and then you say this. If they say this, I say this. If they say this, I say this, you know, kind of like this vibe, you know, say this and say this. If they say this, I say this. They say this, this type of thing, right? But then there's one thing that I realized that actually like just completely obliterates all of it, you know? When I've actually understood that my vibe, my unique presence, my unique energy, and just me, myself, I am the gift. The moment I actually really, really believe that, that's when everything started shifting. Your presence, curiosity, and time are the unique gifts that no one else can actually give to another person, right? Really, really, it's a bit philosophical, it's a bit spiritual, right? Actually, like, pretty much like everything I'm talking about is pretty spiritual, actually. But these are your unique gifts, and for as long as you actually really honor them and acknowledge them, that that is the case, then you can actually, you have an opportunity to completely flip the script here. So, what do I even mean by that, that you are the gift? Let me give you an example. Let's say, you know, you just saw a beautiful girl on the street and you're like, you wanna approach her, right? And what's the first thing that you're gonna say to her when you first approach her? It's like, "Hey, excuse me, I just saw you and you look really beautiful. You look really pretty. What's your name? Where are you from? Or what do you do?" Right? What am I doing here? I don't really know anything about her and I'm asking her to just like tell me a lot about her and she doesn't know anything. Anything about me, right? And I'm just like taking a lot of information, taking a lot of value from her, right? And she has no reason to really give me any of her information to me. I haven't established any connection, right? So how do I actually flip the scripts, right? Well, instead of take value, you give value, you offer your value. So what do I mean by that? Well, you notice her, talk about what you've noticed about her, right? Is it just like the way she's walking? She's like walking so gracefully, or she has like a very playful energy about her, right? Maybe something about her, the way she's wearing her scarf and dress and her shoes. Maybe they have like, she's displaying really good taste, right? She put a lot of effort into it that really stands out to you. Maybe even as you speak to her, the way she speaks to you and her facial expressions, her tonality, her smile, her eye contact, her vibe kind of signals, tells you something very unique about herself, right? And obviously, the more you do this, the better you get. But actually communicating how she occurs to you, and then you communicating that, expressing how she's occurred to you to her, that's a gift, right? And that, that makes her feel seen and heard, right? And obviously, you do that, It's not just about what you're saying to her that really matters a lot. What's more important than that is your nonverbal, right? Your presence, your tonality, your eye contact, your facial expressions, right? All of that stuff. And through that, she also understands, she also decides whether you're someone worthy enough to investing in her energy, right, or not. And while all of this is going on, well, you have a choice to make. Are you going to give value to her or not? Or are you just gonna like keep on asking her for more information? This is what I mean by you being the gift, right? And for as long as you realize that what you have to offer— your presence, your observation, and your time— all these things, right, it's a combination of all these things, is a unique gift, then you have an opportunity to completely fit flipped the script and completely flipped the dynamic. The moment I realized that, it's not really about me trying to convince someone to like me, trying to convince them to like really recognize me for who I am. It's not really about that, right? It's more like, okay, you know, the more you do this, the better you get at this, right? My observations get better. You know, the way I talk to, the way I express myself got better. I'm someone who can offer such unique perspectives on their vibes in a very playful and powerful and deep way. And genuinely not coming from this place of cockiness, whatever, I believe that, you know, they are lucky to come across someone like me because that's how I see myself. That's my value, right? It's more about me self-expressing myself and assessing whether they also are worth my time. Okay, they might be shiny, but like, let me go up and talk to them and then see whether they've got this depth and they've got this playfulness, they've got this vibe that I'm looking for as well, whether we're energetically, vibrationally aligned here, right? Or not. So it became more about, okay, let's actually qualify, you know, the situation because hey, my time is limited, you know, your time is limited. We're all in this world for a finite number of days. It is, right? Then let's make the best use of it. So that really became the vibe, and then as soon as I realized this powerful lesson, everything started flowing, right? Everything started really, really elevating. That became the vibe. Those are all the major points, and now when I think about my journey of cold approaching, and doing all this stuff, what I never really expected was to travel around the world and live in over 30 different countries, connecting with literally thousands of people, rejecting, getting rejected, failing thousands of times, obviously, and building communities all around the world, building companies, right, building teams and all that stuff. And now, When I actually think about this contrast, it's like, it's insane. It's just like completely absurd. When I think about my starting point, my starting point was this kid, 21-year-old kid who was extremely depressed, who barely left his dorm room because he was extremely nervous and fearful of how other people would perceive him, how other people would judge him. And he was just like, overwhelmed with his own insecurities. That was his starting point. That was my starting point. And to go from this point to this point of just creating connections anytime, anywhere, fearlessly, playfully, I mean, that is just like insane. If you watch this video until the end, something about going on this journey, must have really, really resonated with you. You must be sitting where you are and thinking like, wow, that sounds crazy. And I wanna experience something like that because I see myself as someone with a lot of potential to achieve a lot of amazing things in my life. And I wanna go on a bit of a journey. If this is you, book a free consultation call with me to see if you'll be a great fit for our coaching program. Let me know in the comments what your number one takeaway is from this video. And as always, keep calm and vibe on.