In this informal interview, rapper Brotha CJ discusses his journey from teaching English in Madrid to performing at major festivals, his upcoming show rehearsals, and the dynamics of his band. He recounts the pivotal San Isidro festival in Madrid, the difficult decision to replace his longtime drummer before the event, and how that change affected the group's cohesion. CJ reflects on performance anxiety, emphasizing a mindset that embraces potential mistakes and focuses on audience enjoyment. The conversation also explores his involvement with the House Manifest community in Lisbon, which helped him reassess his creative value and confidence. Throughout, CJ shares cultural observations about living abroad, the role of community in artistic growth, and his philosophy of treating live shows as immersive, almost transcendent experiences.
Chapters
Mammoth looks so sexy eating the noodles on screen. All right, all right, dude.
So I didn't get the spicy one because last time I got it and it was like super fucking spicy. Like, I'm like, I'm not kidding. And if it's spicy for me, it's probably like really spicy for you.
Are you saying that You have a stronger tolerance for spicy food? Dude, I'm Korean. 'Cause you're Korean.
100%, dude. Pad Thai.
I like how you have me on camera using chopsticks as if like that's a natural movement for me.
So you have this show coming up in 2 weeks and today your rehearsal was like the first time you're rehearsing with this new crew.
Yeah. And you have 2 weeks left till your first show. It's not stressful because I performed enough and I've seen these guys play, so I trust them that if something doesn't go exactly according to plan, things will be fine. If you ever go on stage with the mindset that things might fuck up, yeah, things will fuck up. Yeah. And if you go on stage with the mindset that things will fuck up, they will fuck up, but you're ready for it, you know. If something goes wrong, you just care if people are having fun, right?
And that's the reason people come to live shows as opposed to just like listening to their favorite songs over and over again because they get that X element.
Exactly. Yeah.
You were working as an English teacher in Madrid and you were moonlighting as a rapper, artist, you know, musician. Um, like, did you have a specific idea as to it's like, okay, like, I want to be a musician, whatever?
Or was it just kind of like everything, everything started coming together as you started jamming and performing and When I moved to Spain, and same thing when I moved to Lisbon, yeah, like I didn't come with the attitude of wanting to be a musician because it didn't feel safe, you know. Obviously I love making music, but one, when I first arrived in Spain, like my music in America had never gotten to a point where I would think to go to another country, make it more complicated for myself and do it, you know. So then when I arrived, I was just at a party freestyling, just I was, you know, 22, drunk, having fun, and someone was like a promoter for like a hip-hop show.
Yeah.
And they're like, "Yo man, like we need you to just to come through, just like come spit." And my parents were actually in town that weekend. No way. So they saw me perform like my first like live thing in Madrid.
That's amazing. What did they say?
They were just there. They were like at a club at 1 in the morning, but they had a good time. They liked it. It was just like a funny experience.
That's wild.
I think like went to bed and like woke up to go to the club, you know.
The way you told me the story before, you hit your peak when you, when you closed out that festival. What was the name of the festival?
Yeah, so it was called San Isidro, which is like the biggest city festival of Madrid. And it's like the city that like the festival that like represents the city.
What's the vibe of the festival?
Oh shit, bro. Street parties every night for 4 nights in a row. And it's just like a mass of thousands of people. There's like no rules, like you can bring your own drinks, you can bring your— like you can smoke, like you can do whatever. It's just a big stage.
Okay.
There's multiple acts. So everyone knew like they were there, like every person I'd ever met on my Madrid experience was there, you know.
Damn.
Like every friend, every ex-girlfriend, like they're all there, you know. Like everyone was there.
Damn.
It was like one of those moments where you kind of know like you're going to remember this for the rest of your life. I think when you live in Spain or another country, sometimes you don't really feel accepted. Yeah. And I just really fucking was annoyed with how Spain would treat others, you know. And to have the city kind of co-sign your art and put you on a stage that represents what culture and art is in that city. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Was really sick. Being in a band is not always about what you naturally have. It's like what you're giving to the people that are supporting you and like what you're giving to the crowd. I mean, the hardest thing also with it being a band is sometimes we had to like let people go. And like, I think one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make in my life was that the drummer that was with me from day one, he had made a bunch of errors in the two shows coming up, like leading up to the festival. Yeah. And the rest of the guys in the band, um, they're like, "We gotta let him go." "We have to bring on a new drummer right before the biggest show of your life." And he had been there all the way. He'd even told his son he was playing there.
Oh damn. Do you think it was the right decision though?
I don't know. We played with 2 drummers since. Both great people. I think maybe that decision still haunts me in the sense that he was there as things were starting to rise.
Yeah.
And our band was very unified at that point in time. And I think once we pulled that first Jenga piece, even though like maybe sonically we sounded better, um, vibe was different, we lost consistency and it never came back. We played big shows after, we did great, we did good cool stuff. Yeah. But like part of like that family aspect kind of died down.
Yeah.
And That was one thing I really missed.
And now you're trying to essentially like replicate or just like take it in a slightly new direction, like try to blow up even like further here?
I don't know, like we— when you kind of share like really indescribable moments with someone, you can never just like let go of that bond.
Of course, yeah.
So creating the band here It's weird because I've never had to do it with the reference of it being so— Yeah. It's like going through like another relationship. Yeah. Over time you build this like very unique bond and it's not always in words. Yeah. It's also connected through music. Of course, yeah. Very powerful experiences because when you play a show, it's like being on drugs, man. It's sometimes I don't— I have like blackouts of like large segments of shows because I'm so inside the moment. That my memory isn't even registering what's happening.
Kind of got me to think about how it's like the concept of like you being in a different version of yourself in a different moment. But like, for example, like me just like sitting here having lunch with you, it's like one version of myself. Me like in House Manifest with everyone. Yeah. It's like me trying to like put together an experience. That's like a version of myself. And it's like a— it's different, you know. It's hard to like zoom out and like really like view yourself from a third-party perspective. But then once you have that concept, then it's like, okay, like I can sort of like choose different versions of yourself.
Yeah, you're always just the moment. You're never anything more. I mean, when you do like the sharing circles at House Manifest, and you're leading a meditation, You must be feeling something inside different than you would if you're just having a conversation.
Oh yeah, of course. Yeah.
Because you're leading a group of people to have like similar thoughts or like a similar wavelength, similar vibration.
Yeah.
With music, it's just amplified in a way that I'm sure you can even do it with meditation in certain ways. That's why people do retreats.
Yeah.
But yeah, there's these experiences that you have like in a communal way that kind of really make you realize what's important. What's—
Yeah.
Like, what are the things that are distracting us that make us not do this more, you know? Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, like when they say like that stupid thing about love, like you should let it go and if it comes back, then like, you know, it means something. I think it kind of feels like that. Like it's I think I keep trying to let go of music because I do still have high expectations. Not high expectations, but I know how talented I am and how, yeah, I've seen people react to what I'm capable of if I'm like at 100%. Yeah, I don't know, it's— I think it's like the one thing that I do that I know like when I'm at like my peak doing it, like I know like I'm a bit of shit at it.
And I—
yeah, it's weird because it sounds like in a bragging way, but it's kind of like when you know like what you're supposed to do. Yeah, like that's what you're supposed to do. Yeah, I'm like, I know, I know it.
It's like there's an element of destiny, right? Yeah, like, you know, it's like, you know, you're the right person.
Yeah, like, like people in Madrid have 0% idea how much our band fucks up every show we do. Really? Every show we fuck up so many times.
Really?
And I turn around and I look at them and I smile. I get so excited when we fuck up because it just means I get to fucking like pick what happens next.
You know, like Steve Jobs giving a keynote speech, you know? Yeah, like I've had a couple of moments where like I was giving like a presentation, you know, like pitching like my startup and then it's like there's like hundreds of people, stuff like that.
I've done stuff like that. What do you go through? Like what did you go through before and after the that experience?
I think I was going through like all those different emotions, like nervous and excited and like not wanting to fuck up and all that stuff. And then I think like it's one of those things where like 2 minutes before or something, like I know like my turn is, my turn is up, like my heart is like pounding like crazy. And it's like I just don't know what to do with it. It's like pounding, pounding, pounding. I'm like, I think I saw somewhere that if you learn how to actually channel your nervousness or excitement into excitement, excitement. You're like, okay, let's actually use this to amplify your energy even more.
That's the way to do it. Anytime you're about to do something big or monumental in your life or something in front of a lot of people, you can go two ways. Some people get super nervous and they get anxious. I have anxiety for a lot of stuff, but not that because I've done it enough times. To realize people like— same thing what you want to do with your YouTube channel. Like, people want to just see you in your element. Yeah. And they want to enjoy whatever brings you joy. If you can just deliver that, yeah, like, you're never gonna fuck up in front of a lot of people because most people, yeah, they are just so happy seeing someone take like wanting or willing or able to do If you sent me like a video of me at like the beginning of January and then send me the video of the concert and like just emailed it back like, what the fuck happened? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't even know any musicians. How the fuck could I have a band and I'm in like one of the bigger venues to play? It doesn't make any sense. Yeah.
So what would you say is a pivotal, I guess, moment or Like, point then.
80% of my answer would be the House Manifest. Like, I think it was the first time I was actually in a group of people and interacting as a group or as a community since I moved to Lisbon. I was just lost, and it was cool seeing the people in House Manifest take interest in like what meant, like what, what was like special to me. You know? So it was good to just explain that. It was the first time I like processed it and they talked about it to people who never like seen me in that world or had any perception of me because I've been in Madrid for 9 or 10 years or something like that.
Right.
And everyone had already, like they knew my story or they knew who I was if they were in my like bubble or circle in Madrid.
Yeah.
So it was my first time I could actually process it and then be in a community for the first time and made me realize that I don't think I needed to leave music. It was just like, I needed to just take a moment to think about what music meant to me and why I was doing it. I'm just way more confident about myself as a creative from being there. Yeah. Because I started to understand the value of it more instead of like just seeing it as I create and hopefully I get really lucky. Yeah. And something blows up because that was kind of always like the mindset for a lot of us. Mindset for a lot of musicians. Yeah, it's like you need someone to find you or to be discovered. Yeah. And like, that's not really it. It's just like you need to change your mindset to just understand what your value is and how to, you know, not monetize it, but to make sure you're getting valued by other people.
Yeah, that's sick. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thanks for the house, man.
That's sick. Plug.
Cheeky plug.
