In this 17‑minute personal monologue, the speaker recounts a 17‑year journey that began with two years of deep depression after a painful breakup. Determined to fix his self‑worth, he threw himself into the world of pickup‑artist (PUA) literature, seminars, bootcamps, and global coaches, eventually approaching over 15,000 women, coaching other men, and living a seemingly glamorous, travel‑filled lifestyle. Despite external success, he felt a persistent emptiness because his deeper goal was a genuine, long‑term relationship. He realized he was repeatedly seeking external validation and avoiding vulnerability due to three core limiting stories: “women cannot be trusted,” “if I open my heart I’ll be hurt,” and “I’m not attractive enough.” These stories generated residual emotions (tired, lost, angry, hopeless) that continued to sabotage his present and future. To break the cycle, he quit coaching, embarked on deep inner work, and used techniques such as separating facts from stories, writing forgiveness letters, daily affirmations, and reprogramming his subconscious. He adopted a new identity – “I am the gift” – shifting from a validation‑seeking mindset to one of offering value. This internal shift transformed his confidence, the quality of people he attracted, and his overall life satisfaction. The video ends with a call to cultivate self‑love, dismantle limiting beliefs, and act on the new mindset.
Chapters
So in the past 17 years, I've approached more than 15,000 women to drastically improve my confidence and love life. And you probably think it's completely bullshit. I can't even believe it's real, but that's what really happened. Now, here's the starting point. More than 17 years ago, I was extremely depressed for 2 years after a situation that didn't work out. I was blaming myself. I thought something was deeply wrong with me. I was deeply insecure. And by the end of those 2 years, I was like, you know what, I gotta do something about this. Instead of blaming myself, instead of always wallowing in my dorm room, never really, never really doing anything about my life, well, let's actually do something about it. People learn how to be healthy, people learn how to be wealthy, so why not learn to be good with love, relationships? So that's what really happened, and I started researching, I started reading books, I started just, um, Googling, and then learning about what other people, how other people are really solving these challenges. And then the holy grail, I finally found this book called The Game. I started reading about this journey of this guy, this reporter, really, really learning the art of communication, seduction, attraction. And I was like, you know what, like, there must be some truth to it. And if this guy can transform, why not me? So that's what really, really started the journey. Over the past few years following that, I started taking courses, bootcamps, seminars. I was so motivated to get really good at this. And because I was so fired up about it, because I put a lot of work on it, because I had my back against the wall, I got good at it pretty fast. I started going out a lot. I started talking to women on the street, at a cafe, in restaurants, in the park, anytime, anywhere. I really learned from all the experts from all around the world. I traveled to different places to learn from these different experts around the world. I was just like soaking everything up and then I got pretty good at it. About a few years into it, I was invited by a couple of coaches that I actually learned from to coach alongside with them. So a few years into it, my life had completely transformed. I was living the best life. I was traveling around the world. I was coaching guys how to do the same things. So that was amazing by any objective measure, but something was missing and it was pretty big. You see, underneath all this success, what I really, really wanted deep down was to build something real, to be in a relationship with someone who really saw me, understood me, and building something long-term. I wanted a long-term girlfriend. That's what I wanted. And this was an irony, right? I was going on all these dates. I got really good at creating all these leads. So I was going on all these dates. So what was the problem? Is it the quality? Is it something else? And then I was like, okay, well, at first it was really exciting, the idea of spontaneously going out and meeting someone completely sober, creating magic out of thin air, and then doing this over and over and over again. It really boosted my confidence. I thought I was a Superman. My friends were telling me like, Stephen, you're the man, right? And my ego was pumped up. It felt amazing. But then once I realized that, wow, if that's the case, why is it so difficult for me to create the type of relationship that I've always, always wanted? There's a bit of a dichotomy. I had to really, really look deeper inside. Here's what was happening in my life. I would go out on a weekend and I would meet a handful of women, and I got pretty decent in this skillset to the point where I could actually pick and choose like who to go on a date with. And then I would go on a date with them. We'd have a conversation, we would connect with them, and we would actually be intimate and all that stuff. And at a certain point I was like, okay, why is it that even though at first there is this thrill of emotions and, you know, I feel like chemistry is building and everything, but something still felt hollow, something still felt empty. And at first I couldn't really figure it out. Like, why do I feel this way? Is it always maybe, maybe it's her, you know, maybe it's just like the lack of connection. And then after I repeated this hundreds of times, I realized it wasn't really them. It wasn't really the lack of connection either. It was actually me now really, really doing some deep soul searching and all that stuff. And that's what really happened. It took a long time for me to actually finally understand what was really going on.. But then I realized what was really, really going on. I was going on a lot of dates with a lot of amazing women, and every time I had an opportunity to build something real, to build a deep, meaningful connection, to build a relationship, I was running away. It's not like there's something wrong with them, even though when I was in these situations, I might have blamed them, I might have criticized them, right? I might have just told them, oh, you know what, she's not good enough, you know? Maybe it's not the right timing. Maybe it wasn't the right timing. You know, only the divine universe has the answer to that. But actually, if I can be honest with myself, there was something that was stopping me from exploring these opportunities from a place of true authenticity, from a place of this vulnerability. I was extremely afraid of being vulnerable with people, with women. And why is that? Let's actually think about the starting point. Why I got into all of this, why I started learning all of this, right? My starting point was that, you know what, I had been hurt a lot and I thought something was deeply wrong with me, right? I thought I wasn't good enough. So in order to really fix that, the solution would be to actually learn to be really good with women, meaning learn to create a lot of these different dates, right? Learn to be A confident man, learn how to communicate well, learn how to break the ice wall, learn how to have very exciting conversations, learn all these things so that hopefully someone would like me. Once I've got the confirmation that someone out there can give me the love that I lack, finally I can be whole and complete. This is what was really going on at the subconscious level. But then because I was coming from this perspective of, okay, you know what, like in order for me to be whole and complete, someone needs to give me this validation. Because this is what was really happening. Every time I was going out there, I was seeking validation. I was seeking someone to really like me. And that was the context. And once I've gotten their validation, once I've gotten the confirmation that, oh, you know what, actually women like me. So every time I've gotten their validation, every time I've confirmed that someone out there, a beautiful woman, likes me, I was actually proving my hypothesis wrong. You know what, actually there's nothing wrong with me. Okay, women like me. So on the surface of it, everything was great, but then deep down there was something even deeper that was very, very difficult, uh, for me to really, really readily admit, which is that, you know what, there's a fundamental problem at stake here, which is that I was really hurt before. I got really hurt, and it's really difficult for me to to finally open up. So here's the pattern: every time I went out there, I wanted to be validated, and every time I got validated in the form of getting a number, going on a date, second date, etc., I felt like I was winning. But then deep down, it was really difficult for me to actually really open up and create something deeper and create something real because, well, I didn't really want to work on it. I was running away. And I was running away because it was really, really painful. Well, I didn't know it was, it was going to be painful, but I knew that because what I experienced back then with the depression and all, because that was so painful, I was so, so, so hell-bent on not repeating that pain ever again. So it was way easier for me to keep going on multiple dates and keep meeting more people rather than realizing that, you know what, I've got a set of a couple of amazing women and I have a real shot at building something pretty amazing with them. So let's actually explore this possibility. So you see, this was really painful. And on the surface, everything was great. You know, I have this beautiful skillset to be able to meet anyone, anytime, anywhere, and I can just like keep on going. But then I took a step back and I started reevaluating my life. And I was like, okay, am I just gonna be this guy that just runs around and talks to women like all the time and just goes from woman to woman, one after another, and just like, you know, just stay on the surface level? I was like, no. What I really, really wanted always deep down was to create something real, was to build my own healthy long-term dream relationship. And hopefully my own family someday. But then, for as long as this was going on, I realized that I couldn't really build my dream life. I couldn't really build my dream relationship, my dream love life. So once I realized this, I had to go on a separate journey to really, really rewire my limiting beliefs. So here I was, 5 years into this journey of learning this beautiful skill set of approaching women and creating magic anytime, anywhere, and having spent so much of my time, energy, and money and realizing that, you know what, I'm coaching other guys to do this, and they're also coming to me because they also want their own dream relationship. And I couldn't look them in the eye and tell them that I can actually solve their problems. I could help them get dates, I can help them get laid, but hey, what's actually the fundamental thing that they really, really want to get and solve for? Well, their own dream relationship. So then I quit everything. I walked away from coaching. I walked away from the possibility of creating a big company with a couple of other people. I had to step away from it all because I couldn't really face the reality that for as long as I was carrying this with me, for as long as I couldn't solve my own problem, I wasn't gonna be able to really serve people in the most authentic way. So I went on a completely new journey to really, really understand my limiting beliefs. So this is a huge realization because I realized that I had two paths in front of me. Path one, I keep on doing what I'm doing and keep on living the same life. Well, on the surface level, it's a pretty glitz and glamour, pretty amazing life, right? Very flashy. Or I actually make a choice to delve deeper and understand what's actually the real problem, why I'm experiencing this problem in the first place, and how I can really solve this problem. So I went on this journey to really understand myself on a deeper level and then completely rewire everything. And realizing this one thing and integrating this into my life changed completely everything for me. I'm gonna tell you more about this with the whiteboard session. Let's go. So in order to really understand on a deeper level why it was so difficult for me to create my dream relationship and why I kept repeating these patterns again and again and again, well, I needed to get down to the deepest levels of my subconscious and understand what was actually really going on. So this is what was actually really going on. So, facts. Fact number 1, well, this girl I was in a situationship with, not even a relationship I'm talking about, Pretty crazy actually when I think about it now. This girl just completely ghosted me. So she just ghosted me, so that's a fact, right? And then because she ghosted me, obviously I couldn't see her anymore. I couldn't see her anymore. And then as a result, I became depressed. So I was depressed. Depressed for 2 years, which is actually pretty insane when I think about it now. Just the idea of being depressed after a situationship that didn't work out. But that was actually what was really going on. Now, as a result of what was happening, what actually I internalized, the stories I developed, were the following stories, right? So story number 1: women cannot be trusted. Number 2: if I open my heart I'll be hurt again. Right? Makes sense. Or at least at the time I thought it made sense. Number 3, I'm not attractive enough. And then This was another huge breakthrough. Because I thought I wasn't attractive enough, I thought I wasn't good enough, right? I need to do something. I need to do something to receive their love. When I say them, I'm talking about women right now. When you think about it, it's actually pretty absurd because humans are meaning-making machines. When something happens, rather than really leaving that event be, we end up interpreting these events. So in my situation, well, the girl ghosted me. So then what? I could have just moved on. I could have just been like, you know what, like that situation just wasn't really serving me or her. Maybe just not meant to be, move on. But for whatever reason, I ended up developing the story that women are not to be trusted. You see how absurd, ridiculous this sounds, right? But this is, this is actually what was really going on. And once I actually got down to the deepest layers of my subconscious, this is what I actually ended up discovering. I couldn't see it, obviously I was depressed for 2 years, right? These are all the facts that actually really happened in my life. And then as a result, I ended up developing these stories, right? But then, well, there might be a correlation, obviously, yeah, like you could empathize with me and you can be that, oh yeah, Stephen, of course, maybe she was like amazing, she really got you and that's why you develop all these stories, it makes sense. It might make sense, but that does not mean that all these stories that I actually developed, they directly happened as a result of these facts, you know? I could have had completely different types of interpretations, as I said before, right? But I ended up developing all these stories that are just completely subjective, completely subjective, right? Women are not to be trusted. If I open my heart, I'll be hurt. I'm not attractive enough. I need to do something crazy to actually receive their love. When I thought of these stories back then, when I actually had this realization that I need to do something about it to really move forward in my life, Well, I, I still felt this inkling of different layers of emotions, right? So I wanted to really get to the deepest levels of what was actually going on associated with these stories. So here were the deepest layers of my emotions, right? My residual emotions. Right? So let's say: tired, lost, confused, angry, sad, mad, resigned, hopeless. It was pretty sad because for straight up 2 years, I was depressed, right? I would wake up in the middle of the night, in the middle of the day, and I'd be like, okay, this again. I kept on playing these images again and again and again. And it was pretty ominous. These are the residual emotions. When you think about a story, when you think about an event that happened in your life and a story that you ended up attributing to, well, like ideally you don't have any residual emotions. Either you feel neutral about it or you feel grateful, you feel positive. But then the fact that I still had all these different residual emotions, like tired, lost, confused, angry, sad, mad, resigned, hopeless, there's some incompletions, you know? These events themselves, they're not complete. Whenever I thought about these facts, what actually happened in my life, rather than feeling like, okay, you know what, cool, that's what happened, move on. I don't have any emotional baggage, to put it simply. I still had these feelings. So then here's what I did. I started separating these things. You know what? This is actually what happened in my life. These were the stories I actually ended up developing, and these were the residual emotions. And what I ended up realizing, that these stories that I developed and these residual emotions, right, that actually have come from these stories, they were affecting not only my past, but also my present and future without me even really see consciously being aware of it. Right, let me repeat that again. Without me even being consciously aware of it, these stories and these residual emotions that got developed as a result of these stories were affecting not only my past, but also my present and future. And that is extremely ominous and dangerous. Why? Because if I still held these beliefs and stories, and if I actually keep on internalizing these stories, what would happen? Of course I cannot really open my heart back up. Of course, because I believe that women are to be trusted, you know, that actually sounds pretty ridiculous because it's just one girl, but then I ended up generalizing all women. Well, of course, like, I feel like something is wrong with me. I feel like, I need to do something grandiose to really receive anyone's love. Of course, like no matter the craziest pickup line, any routines or systems, hacks, methodologies, frameworks, whatever I learned, it was just affecting the surface layer, the surface level of things, not really the deepest stuff. At the deepest level, I was judging myself, I was criticizing myself, I was blaming everyone else, right? Rather than really understanding that, Okay, let's actually delineate all these different things and actually be whole and complete. So then what did I do? I realized that, okay, well, this is actually what was really going on in my life. And then in order for me to not feel any of these residual emotions anymore, I need to really rewire my beliefs. First of all, understanding that, you know, these were separate was extremely helpful because now like they're not really mixed. They're separate. And then I can understand that, okay, a lot of these residual emotions got developed as a result of these stories. And these stories got developed because, well, I'm a human being too, right? I'm not a computer. So then I realized that, okay, let's actually go on this journey of forgiveness. I started first, like, just really, really, uh, try to mentally grasp these concepts first, right? And then once I've actually logically understood these different concepts, I started forgiving myself. I started writing a letter to myself. I started telling myself, "Hey, Steven, you might have judged yourself for all these different things that happened in your life. You might have criticized yourself. I forgive you. I accept you and I love you. You are whole and complete on your own." And I love myself. My love doesn't depend on anyone or anything. You know, I am whole and complete, and I am here to really offer my love. I'm here to give love to those around me. So I started really, really reframing myself. I started rewiring my limiting beliefs, my stories, and all these things were happening to me in my life. And then at a certain point, as everyone says, right? I started internalizing that, okay, some of these things that actually, all these things that actually happened in my life, they actually happened for me in a funny way. And I could only say that after I actually completed these different experiences enough to the point where I didn't judge myself anymore, I didn't criticize myself anymore. And when I look back on these different situations and facts, what actually happened in my life, I no longer had any of these residual emotions, right? So writing letters really helped. I ended up writing letters to this girl and some other people that were still affecting me. I actually realized that this is just like one layer of it, even though it was really, really deep. You know, there are some of the other situations that happened in my life where when I actually look back on these situations, they were still incomplete. So I ended up going on a huge journey of forgiving myself, loving myself, accepting myself, actually owning all these different stories and having conversations with these different people that were part of these different experiences. And then more importantly, declaring a brand new possibility, a brand new reality for my life. I am worthy. I am whole and complete. I am full, right? And then I started really reprogramming myself and reprogramming my subconscious. Just like when you learn a new language and you learn new vocabulary, in order to really, really drill that into your subconsciousness, you keep on repeating it. So I ended up doing the same thing morning, evening, during the day as well. And then doing this over and over and over again really helped me completely rewire my limiting beliefs, my stories, and everything. Once that was really sorted, everything completely changed. I ended up really internalizing this new belief, and this is actually, it happens to be something that I actually really declare for myself and for my life, and that is that I am the gift. I am the gift. I have a lot of stuff to offer. And by the way, a lot of things, everything kind of, as a jigsaw puzzle coming together. As I started working on myself, as I started really healing myself, forgiving myself, accepting myself, obviously my vibrational frequency started going up. And then as my beliefs started changing, you know, the way I started interacting with people started changing, the way I, who I was really attracting in my life, they all changed as well. So the notion that I am the gift, right? I have a lot of stuff to offer., and I'm here to whoever I come into contact with, they are lucky to receive my presence, energy, vibe, and quality time. And then once I actually really internalized all of this, well, guess what really happened? Instead of going out there trying to fill my void, trying to fill my hole of this big insecurity, I started going out there really, really wanting to offer my gift. To the world. And then, hey, if someone doesn't really respond well, that's fine, you know? And if someone is like lucky enough to receive it, well, yeah, that's maybe we have some vibe alignment there. So this is what was really happening. Before, when I was learning the art of communication, seduction, and you can call it, you know, the old pickup artist world, all this stuff, I was really learning, I was really coming from the perspective of, hey, I hope that this person likes me. I need to do something to really convince this person. Yeah. Or because I thought that I wasn't attractive enough. I thought that I needed to do something to really receive their love, you know? Because that was the context. That was like the actual, the background. Of course, that's what I was doing. And then at a certain point I was like, I realized that, okay, you know what? I actually internalized how to be a confident man. It's almost like a, learning to be an actor in a new movie. You learn a new character and then you just learn to be a very confident, charming man. And that's what I've really learned before realizing all of this. But then once I realized all of this, once I actually learned that I am the gift, once I've actually completed this transformation, no amount of pickup lines, frameworks, or methodologies that I learned from these countless seminars, boot camps, and courses really, really trump everything that I learned. So everything changed after that. Literally my dating life, my confidence, my relationships, everything in my life just 100x'd, literally 1,000x'd, completely transformed, completely changed. So that's what really happened in my life. And once I actually started going out there and then offering my gifts, well, well then, because I was attracting suddenly a new kind of people, new level of people, then it became the time to really start qualifying whether they're actually aligned with my values, with my lifestyle, what I'm actually here to build, what I'm actually here to create. And then realizing this one thing made a complete difference. I'm gonna cover that in the next video. And the one takeaway is actually really understanding, okay, how to cultivate self-love, how to actually go down to the deepest depths of your limiting beliefs and your stories, and how to really rewire all of them through action, through taking action. And this has been one of the most profound parts of my journey. Over the past 17 years of going out there, approaching women, creating these deep meaningful connections, and creating magic and love. And if it wasn't for this one thing that really happened in my life, um, I probably wouldn't be the same person I am today. So that's the vibe. Thank you so much, and as always, keep calm and vibe on.
