Best Of: Great Solo Sex-pectations

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, we tackle the 3 most common masturbation questions because hey, it's Masturbation Month. We're going to talk about how to touch yourself for maximum pleasure, why your partner masturbates, where to locate the G-spot. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in the Bible. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my, do women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com. You can check out our mailing list and subscribe. I love when you subscribe to us on iTunes and you review us, and also thanks for telling your friends about the show so they can enjoy it too. And while you're at it, follow us at facebook.com/sexwithemily and on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat @sexwithemily. Thanks everyone for being here. Thank you, Menace, for being here.

Hello.

Hello.

What's going on?

You know, just rocking through Masturbation Month.

I know, right?

Do you want to hear the most interesting thing? Are you chafed yet? Not yet, no, but here's the funny thing. So, I talked to you that I'm redoing a lot of things in my life. We're opening up a new, bigger office, and I'm going through my entire house, which doesn't have a lot of storage, and so I finally thought that since I'm redoing it so I can kind of like— I mean, I don't own it, I rent it, but I'm just trying to make it so I can actually walk from one side of the bed to the other and like open drawers, that I started to open in these drawers that are kind of scary to me. Not scary, but like they have literally like every toy. I mean, I have a lot in the garage too, but toys that I'm like, well, one day I'm gonna try this one, or I'm gonna try this nipple clamp, 'cause I have 18 nipple clamps. So I started pulling it all out of the drawers 'cause I had to move the bed. It's a storage bed. I pulled out 65 bottles of lube, including like samples. I had about 10 different kinds of nipple clamps. I had, you know, vibrators. Were all they, you didn't bring any for me?

I didn't, no.

So many chargers tangled up. I had like a $250 butt plug with the pony hair, the ones from Crystal Delight. I had all these cute costumes. I had like a nurse's costume and I had like the schoolgirl. I'm like, oh my God, I've got some sexy stuff going on in my bed. I had like restraints and that was just 2 drawers. They're very deep drawers. So that was really fun and I thought, I'm getting my life, getting everything organized and now I see exactly what I have all that. Because then on the other side of the bed, I have like, the toys that are in my immediate rotation. But these are toys that I just sort of put back there and toys and props that I'm like, I'll get to that, you know, whip one day. But now it's all across my house, spread across the floor.

Sweet. You gotta Snapchat that.

I'm snapping it. I'm snapping it. Check out my Snapchat.

Your Snapchat's blowing up, by the way.

I know.

That's crazy.

It's really fun. Thank you for showing it to me. I know, I watch your snaps.

Sex with Emily.

Sex with Emily on Snapchat.

You would be a billionaire By now, if you just listen to me—

No, but Mendez, I'll never forget that in 2009, you called me and said, get on Twitter. You're like, there's this Twitter thing happening. I'm like, what? You're like, just do what I say. And I remember where I was standing, like, in the Mission. I'm like, okay, okay, do it. And I know you've been telling me this, and so I'm doing it.

And, uh, yeah, I gave you a billion-dollar idea last year and you still haven't jumped on it.

Which one?

We'll talk about it later.

Okay, we'll get to that in a minute.

But see what happens when you listen to me? Good things happen.

I always listen to you, and you're very loyal too. And I have to say something about this business is that it's not an easy easy business. No business is easy, okay? Yeah, but entertainment especially, it's just really— a lot of it is hard work. Some of it's luck. It's like working with the right people, and you realize that a lot of people are just kind of in it for themselves and not loyal. But I feel like our relationship, going into our 11th year, like, you have been like— you are truly like a friend, like a confidant, my co-host. You're just— you've always been stable and amazing and show up, and I just appreciate you so much. Like, I realize how special that is and how rare that is. People hate each other, they blow ups. You temporarily might annoy you, but you don't like, we've never gotten in a fight.

[Speaker] Yeah, I never say, oh, I'm never gonna help you ever again. [Speaker] No. [Speaker] No, I just think, and I think I learned this early on, I had great surroundings when I was starting out in radio. There's a guy named Big Von. If anyone lives in San Francisco and you listen to 106 KML, he's on in the afternoon, 3 PM, and he taught me, he's the guy that got me into radio, he taught me, you know what, if you help as many people that wanna be helped, the good things will happen to you.

It's so true. I mean, I'm the same exact way. Like, people are like, how do I get into this? How do I do this? Like, I love helping people.

You definitely have to help the right people, like yourself, that are nice, that are into it, that wanna succeed and do well.

For the right reasons.

Yeah, I've definitely helped out people in the past that are just totally into it for themselves. They don't care about—

Take advantage of you or whatever.

Stuff like that, but then I definitely have cut those people off, you know, right? But it's just like, I don't know, again, it— that goes for life in general, you know. If you just help— if you help other people, good things will happen.

It is so true. It is so true. How about other people? And also, like, and I always tell people I work with, like, you never want to burn any bridges. Like, wherever you go, you might hate your job, your boss, but if you leave a situation, like, you want to leave it, like, in a healthy place. And you never know who's going to be your boss, your neighbor. Again, like, someone who's, like, your assistant could be your boss in 5 years. Like, you just don't I don't think I've really burned any major— I still like, I could call my boss from 15 years ago in politics. You don't want to—

There's only one guy that I feel, one thing that I ever done in my career that I feel really bad about it. It was like 2004 and I still think about it all the time. And it's just, no, no, no, I can get into it. It's just like, okay, this is what I feel really bad about. I had to make a decision. I was let go for a company. From a company, um, for some dumb reason. And, uh, I, I was like, damn, I need a radio job. So I went to somebody I knew, and then they got me a job at a Spanish station, which I really couldn't— I don't speak Spanish, right? Um, poquito, you know, whatever. But, uh, but they gave, they gave me a chance, you know. And then, but then my old company started calling back and wanted me back and gave me this huge opportunity.

And then Which was the morning show, right?

No, no, no, it was a huge opportunity on another morning show. And then I was just like, I was put in a tough place because here I am, I was given up this opportunity when I was down, but there's, there's no way that I'm gonna progress. And then there's this other opportunity now. So I, so I had to take that other big opportunity. And then, but I still feel bad to this day that that guy helped me out. I've had set— during that time, I said I was sorry, but I stopped talking.

I don't understand that.

I mean, you're not lying.

I know, but I guess—

I know, but I still feel really bad about it.

No, I get it. I feel that too. Whenever I've had weird things, I'm like, even I want to like make, you know, make it— make rights to wrongs.

Yeah, so I feel— I still feel terrible about that.

Well, you're a good person.

I try.

I forgive you.

Thank you for forgiving me.

Yes, I think he would too. But So yeah, there's that. That's a little life lesson there for people. So, you know, I'm doing all this house renovation and speaking of being naked, I realized that like I had the, you know, I have a backyard. I feel like I'm invisible there 'cause I do live in the back house and no one knows I'm there, but there are big windows and there were no curtains on them. And I often walk around, I sleep naked, get up in the middle of the night, I get a drink, you know, drink of water. And I'm realizing now like I sort of, people could, like no one is going to, but they could see me naked. So now I've taken care of that situation, but I thought like, what if my landlord's like girlfriend's there and she's like, "Kick out that girl, the naked girl walking around." So now I'm gonna have curtains and it's gonna be nice. But like, I don't know, I just was thinking about people's masturbation routines and do you walk around naked? And that's what made me think of that. I now live in a naked-proof house.

Windows open masturbation is just delightful though. Like on an afternoon, you've got the sunlight streaming in and everything. It's very like softcore porn from Showtime.

Yeah, I love—

I've got like birds tweeting.

I love your cottage. If you ever move out, I'm moving in.

See, I'm glad you see, I love it too, but there's so many like little problems that we're fixing right now.

Okay, good.

There's no whatever.

I told you not to move out.

Yeah, I would just think you're contemplating because you like—

because it's little and I like little spaces.

I'm weird.

I'm a weirdo. Like, I'm the only person on, uh, my group of friends that like really into tiny houses. Have you seen that tiny houses craze? It's like miniature houses and stuff like that. You can't have them here in LA, but you can buy like these little mini modern—

they're already made and they get them off your house again in a mailbox. Yeah, you can buy for like $30,000. I've seen those, yeah, definitely. No, mine's not like that. It's just a little guest house that was built like, you know, years by, you know, my landlord built it from his own hands when he came over from Russia. It's like, it's not stable. If there's an earthquake, I might die. But I'm fixing it up. Okay, so that's what we got there. And we got a little sex in the news.

Cool.

Menace, this one made me think of you.

All right.

Canadians already know about car sex and predict even more with driverless cars. Now yes, we've been talking about driverless cars for a while. I don't, you didn't make up driverless cars, but you said they were coming. You predicted them.

Yeah, well, I was the first one to like start mentioning it, I think, because I would read the articles when they were first coming out.

Right.

And then like no one was like really into it. And then I go, you don't realize this can be like, you can be on your way to Vegas and be in the backseat having sex.

Right. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.

Yeah, yeah. He kept on blowing me off.

But it turns out, looks like he turned back. Oh, look who's right again. I know, I know, I know.

God, why aren't we billionaires?

I listened to you about Twitter and I should have made a car.

No, but then this thing's like, remember when I would, 10 years ago, I'm like, you can have sex through the internet, and now that shit is here.

Virtual reality.

Everything. What the eff are we doing here? I don't know. Why aren't we on a private jet? Why don't you ever listen to me?

I want a driver.

I hate life.

I hate it too, man. Let's just go for it then.

I gave you, again, I gave you a billion dollars.

I need a new one.

I promise you last year and you didn't do it.

I promise your next billion-dollar idea I will run with it.

It's so easy.

But here's the thing, the term backseat driver is about to take a whole new meaning. I'm predicting that once computers are doing the driving, there'll be a lot more sex in cars, says Barry Kirk of the Canadian Automated Vehicle Center of Excellence. Uh, he said more. So apparently there's already an in-car business going on and it's Canadian, within Canada. Uh, let's make the point that even though driverless cars are coming and coming fast, that doesn't mean you can't sit back, you can't It doesn't mean you can sit back, take a nap, read a book, watch a movie, or hop in the back seat with your partner. Even if you're in the front seat, you still have to be aware of your surroundings and what's happening. So, and you got to take over the wheel. So they mentioned on Tesla, let's see, officials mentioned videos posted online of Tesla drivers brushing their teeth or reading newspapers with the car's autopilot feature engaged. So the issue of the attentive driver is problematic. They tend to overestimate the performance of automation and will naturally turn their focus away from the road. And then they, when they turn on their autopilot, it, but they're not really driverless. At least Tesla's not driverless yet. And if CarSec's on the list, just remember the authorities are looking for it, so they're gonna arrest you for that.

Haters.

It doesn't sound safe to me. Like, I'm already like, shouldn't be driving in general, and I'm focusing, like, you know what I mean?

So I put you in a driverless car, it'd be perfect. I just type in the address and you just—

I want to be driving less and have a driver, but I don't want a driverless car. Yeah, I found out a way to just, you know, crash through someone's, like, a gas station or something. Okay, okay. Um, but first I want to give a shout out.

Should I make my next sexual prediction?

Yeah. Oh, go, please take notes.

So we can have sex over the internet now. It's gonna be like virtual reality and stuff like that. You can just put the headsets on. What is the next thing? What is the next level? Are they gonna—

hmm. I mean, I think this virtual reality thing, like, people will not— men won't leave their house because it really feels like you're having sex. I haven't tried it yet, but heard about it.

How about within the next 10 years or less, somebody will have sex in space for science?

Oh, for sure. Yeah, well, people are going to space more.

I mean, people have all these talks about SpaceX and all that stuff, and then Virgin America.

Why not have sex once you're there?

Yeah, yeah, but they're doing it for scientific reasons.

How can we make money? You think you want me to go there and be the first person? If you want to make sense, you should. Should I start like a crowdsourcing campaign? Yeah, crowdfunding. Sex in space. That's it. I'll wear the hamburger outfit in silver.

You can get on the Virgin America, one of their flights. It's here in Los Angeles. Go on there. It costs about $250 grand. You go to space. I'll even let— first blowjob in space at least. You don't have to do full-on sex because that might be kind of hard.

Who would I give the blowjob to?

I don't know, some rando millionaire that's on the flight with you.

Oh, okay, a millionaire penis. Yeah, yeah. But what about all the gravity stuff? Like, I just wonder how you would— if your body, like, your breath and all that, like, it would be safe to have sex in space.

Oh my God, I don't know if you're just—

I'm overthinking it. It could be a quickie. Like, typically sex that you do, like, when you do random sex stuff, it's outdoors or weird. Like, it's not usually, like, the most pleasurable sex. It's just, like, cool that you did it, like, on a chairlift. Like, I did once. Like, I could have died. It was cold. Yeah, I didn't have an orgasm, but it was fun. Good story. So sex in space, I think, would be a story.

It wouldn't be like, okay, I need to get something that's a little bit sooner because—

Yeah, 10 years, I can't wait.

Yeah, you'd already be a millionaire and then just stop talking.

Yeah, no, I actually, to be honest, I think I would still be freaking doing this. All right, I just might get here in a nicer car that I'm not driving.

Yeah. All right, good.

All right, guys, we are going to take a quick break, and we come back, we're going to get into your emails. We're back.

Yes.

And we're gonna talk about, we're gonna do some emails.

Let's do it.

Okay, so thank you for emailing me, feedback@sexwithemily.com. Oh, it's so easy now to email us on our website. You just go to the Ask Emily button and ask a question, and you ask it right there, boop, sends, goes right in our inbox. You don't have to like go and write out feedback. It's really easy. Tell us your name, where you live, how old you are. That's important, how old you are and how you listen. And the first one is about masturbation, because it is Masturbation Month, so I'm gonna get some nitty-gritty details here.

Alright, do it.

So, I'm 19 but I've never successfully masturbated before. I want to but I'm not sure exactly what to do. I get so far and then my clit gets sensitive, so sensitive that I can't continue. I don't really want to get a vibrator or any toys. Do you have any suggestions to get past that, how to get past that point and continue? Please help. Aaron. So Aaron's going through like a classic mistake that a lot of men make when they go right for the clitoris. I always say that's like not the best thing you could do if you're dating someone new, you're in a new relationship, heterosexual couple, she is not turned on yet. So sometimes when you go right for the clitoris, I get that's a hot button, I'm glad you know what it is, but you gotta work up to it. You gotta like tease and you gotta turn it on and you gotta make sure that you're like ready to be touched there because some women are more sensitive and a lot of women just mostly just don't want you to go right there because they're not even turned on yet. But Erin, it sounds like you're one of these more sensitive types. So before we get into the technique, I'm just gonna lay out the basics for you about masturbation. So you need to be comfortable, you need to relax, and you need to be in the right environment. So for you, that can mean in your bedroom, making sure that like your door's locked, your mom doesn't walk in, your roommates, and whatever makes you feel relaxed and sexy, like, you know, light candles, maybe it's your favorite music, favorite porn. People got the routines. Take— and take the pressure off yourself because you're new to masturbation. And so I think a lot of women— I was one of these women— I suspected that the first time it would happen— well, I thought it would happen during sex, and it didn't happen then, or intercourse. And then I thought it would happen when I masturbated, and that didn't happen. And you just— you got to figure out— for some women it does, but for some, you got to like take time to get to know your own body. So set the mood, set the atmosphere, and you got to get your brain on board because your mind is the number one sex organ. So, if you're not turned on above the belt, nothing good's gonna happen below. So, how do you do this, Erin? For you, I'm not sure, maybe you think of sexy thoughts, you think about your past sexual partner, your current one, future, you know, maybe it's an amalgamation of a bunch of things that have happened to you sexually, some really hot things, watch porn, listen to erotica, whatever gets you in the mood. Okay, next you want to start touching yourself and stimulating other parts of your body besides the clitoris. So, start touching yourself, touching your nipples, run your hands all over your body, and since you're sensitive, you might want to keep your underwear on and rub over your underwear, which is a big tip that I've been talking about for years. I don't know if I've talked about that lately, but I love that. A lot of women—

What kind of fabric though?

Oh, it could be cotton, it could be silk, it could be satiny, it could be any fabric, but I think that since the clitoris is so sensitive and just a different sensation, that when you rub a lot of women over their underwear, over their clothing, it feels really good just because it's thick. Your clitoris is getting rubbed with like a different sensation. It also is like a buildup, and then you go in with your hands. It's just a cool little tip trick for you, Erin, and for your partners. So, you know, touch your thighs, inner thighs, your breasts, breasts. And just remember, there's so many erogenous zones in our body. So, like, your inner thighs, like, there's so many nerve endings there, like your neck or your nipples. And this will help you get warmed up and ready. So, now that you're warmed up, then you can go into it. So, um, okay, I'm going to give you some techniques. I'm going to get really specific here about masturbation madness. Um, use your pointer and middle finger, okay? Pointer, middle finger. And you want to lightly massage circles directly around the clitoris, like brushing over it. You're not touching the clitoris, you're going around the clitoris. You might want to add a little lube, drops of lube to your fingers, because women are more likely to have an orgasm when you add a little lube into the mix. And you want to vary the strokes and the pressure. So, there was a study that came out that said that most women, it's a diagonal move across their clitoris, so that could work for you. You can go faster, slower, you could stick with a steady motion. So, just like play with fingers. You could start tapping Tapping. You see that porn? There's like tapping, or maybe you want a little slap. You could, um, here's the thing, what I'm thinking for you is the wishbone. Um, so you put your two fingers facing down, right? So your clitoris is like under the hood of your like wishbone. Okay. So that's where your clitoris is. And we talk about the legs of the clitoris and that's like your labial, your labia. Like, so you play with your labia. So your fingers are touching them. So your, You get what I'm saying? Like your clitoris. This is why I need to make my own vulva puppet. I got obsessed with this last night. But, um, so your, your fingers are rubbing over labial folds and you like indirectly are using it to massage your clitoris. You can also put those like labial folds together, if you know what I'm saying. It's like you're closing your vagina and you're using those and you're going over your— so you're using those to rub your clitoris, right? So you're indirectly touching your clitoris. So, That was a lot there. Did you get that, Erin? Everyone listening, those are different moves, and we also have a ton of stuff on our website about masturbating, so you can go there. The next thing is you got to breathe. A lot of people hold their breaths when they're— hold their breaths— hold their breath when they're masturbating, and it's just really important to be mindful of that because the more breath that you breathe in, you breathe out, then you're like allowing the blood flow to move through your body, and it'll help you relax and help you move that sexual energy. And it helps you get out of your head, too. Yeah. Do you have anything to add here about massaging your clitoris?

Oh, I just don't have one, but I wish I knew more because that would just help out a lot in life.

Did you listen?

I did listen.

Yeah, I heard she was a woman.

I listened to you. Yes.

Okay, so here's the last thing: be patient. It is a skill. Masturbation— I can't drive this home enough— just like any other skill, you got to work at it. You gotta like learn what makes you feel good. It takes practice, and you can't expect to get it right after a few tries. And you can try our 30-day challenge. You can give you— we could give you some products. And so just be patient and, and know, um, and just be committed to it. You'll get the hang of things, I promise. And if you want a toy— she doesn't want a toy right now, but if you ever do, all right, call me. Okay, this one, Menace, I need your help with.

All right, what do you got?

I just want to hear from you because you have a penis, but this is a really common issue.

Masturbation for a guy is so easy, but for women it's so complicated because they're not all the same.

I know, this is why I have to explain.

Penises are all the same.

If I said you put 100 women in a room and they were all masturbating, they would all be doing something different. Yeah, be like a freak show. It would not be coordinated. Not a freak show, that's a terrible thing, but it'd be like— that's terrible.

What?

Insulting women?

No, don't be so sensitive.

I can't help it. I'm so PC. Okay, dearest Emily, I start off by saying I love your podcast and I listen to it all the time. I love hearing the facts along with your sense of humor. It's very entertaining and keeps me listening. This is probably a silly concern, but here it goes. My boyfriend masturbates often— in all caps— when I'm at work during the day, get home from the gym, etc. We live together. I find lube he accidentally leaves out all the time. I'm not mad about it, so maybe I'm overthinking We've always had a healthy sex life from the beginning, multiple times a week and sometimes multiple times a day. I hope I'm being silly, but now it seems like he'll masturbate and not want to have sex with me later. Is it me or his loss of interest in me, or is he just a regular horny guy who wants it at random times? I brought it up once recently and he acted like I was a sex addict who wanted it all day every day and said it's common for it to dwindle down in a relationship. "I know that this happens in long-term relationships. Sex tends to decrease, but I feel like if it happens, we'll drift apart, and I don't want that. Tell me I'm crazy. Thanks in advance. Seriously, the queen— sincerely, the queen overthinker." I thought I was the queen overthinker.

Oh, man. I think a lot of people are overthinking everything constantly.

I know.

That's why they're so afraid to talk to their partner, because they're always overthinking stuff.

I know. She overthought this whole thing. So that's why, like, we really had to break this down when we were going through show prep, because it was like, Madison and I were like, "Wait, what are the questions here?" are two things. It's like, first is the masturbation question. Like, why is he masturbating? Because, because I kind of think about like universally, like I get asked this question all the time. I'm in a relationship, I love my boyfriend, things are great, why does he still masturbate? They don't understand that masturbation is normal. He did it before you, you know, you— he did it with you, he'll do it. But how do you explain, Bennett, that like you can be in love with your partner, but just because you're masturbating doesn't mean that you are not being— you're not satisfied?

But for men, yeah, well, sometimes maybe you're not available. Uh, also a lot of it, it's like, do I— sometimes, okay, now I don't want you to take this the wrong way and take it out on him, right? Okay, okay. Because if you do that, it's just gonna— just gonna make a relationship—

Queenie, we're getting back to you specifically, you're good.

But this is just sometimes it's kind of— I don't want to— because using— saying selfish is kind of a wrong term for but let's— to make it easier, that's what I'm gonna use.

Okay.

It's just like, okay, think of the vagina and how complicated it is to satisfy.

All right, the Rubik's Cube of Life, line you've ever said.

Yeah. Now think about, okay, now do I want to go and spend all that time to satisfy that vagina to get what I want, what I— which I can take care of myself in a few minutes? And then I'm done and then I'm happy and I can go to, you know, go to bed or just hang out and I'm done. Or a lot of times guys do it because they think it's gonna help them later when they do have sex with you.

Pregaming.

Pregaming.

So they ejaculate already and then I—

it's like, it's like practicing for, you know, like, yeah, you're gonna play basketball later, what do you do? You practice.

Yes, and I agree to all those things that sometimes guys are like, it's just a hassle. And women too, we're like, I'd rather just masturbate than give, you know, then have sex too. That's so true. But don't you think for also men, it's like, for you, I don't know, but do you feel like it relieves stress?

Uh, definitely.

I think for a lot of men too, it's like, it's, it's so natural and normal for men. Like, it's 100%, like, most men will still masturbate in a relationship all the time. And it's like, it's not about connecting with someone or like bearing your soul or intimacy. It doesn't mean that he doesn't want that per se. It just means like he's stressed, he's anxious, he just wants I call it procrastination, but sometimes I just do it to like, I'm like, I should be doing something, but this will get me in the mood, this will relax me, I'll just masturbate. Like I do it for a lot of different reasons and I could be having, be in a relationship and have great sex. So masturbation will happen, okay? Erin, like, not Erin, that was the last one, Queenie Overthinker. So just under, this is just for kind of everyone to understand that if you're with a guy, and I just say this because when I was younger in my 20s, I was dating guys who masturbated and watched porn. And I was really, I was 24 and he was like a serious boyfriend. And I was really confused by it because I was like, I was shocked. I was thinking like, we have amazing sex. And to this day it still is like great sex. I think about, and I learned a lot, but I didn't get that. Like, I thought, well, does he want me to look like that? Does he want me to get fake boobs? Does he want to be with a blonde? Does it mean I'm not satisfying? Like, these are things that women think, you know? And, It's just not the case. Like, that's really not always the case. So I think that male masturbation can be confusing. So now we got that out of the way. When masturbation is a problem in the relationship is when the masturbatory habits conflict with your relationship. So for example, if he is masturbating so much that he's no longer interested in having sex with you, that's a problem. Like, man's talking about like sometimes he's like, I don't wanna, I'm just gonna have sex. But if he's like, no, you're a sex, like making you feel bad, 'cause he doesn't want to have sex, we've got a problem. But a lot of times it's not because of the masturbation, it's because there's other things going on in the relationship.

Don't be jealous of the masturbation, who cares?

Right, but we already got through that, right? Don't be jealous, like guys do it. Married guys, single guys do it.

Don't you encourage it, Madison? You've talked about that in the past.

Oh yeah, I'm all about it. Like masturbate, take care of yourself so that way whatever you're doing is not for stress. I don't want you stress relieving inside of me. Like I'd rather that be about connecting and us having fun. Like, if you just need to get, get one out, like, take care of yourself. I'm not a flashlight. I have things to do.

And you and your boyfriend luckily has probably the most impressive flashlight collection out of anybody. Oh yeah, he's enjoying the benefits. Yeah, he's awesome. He comes under another name.

I mean, maybe. Yeah, like, we'll see that up.

Yeah.

Does he name them? This one's—

Oh, I meant, will he come in under that? Oh, you— I don't know.

This one's Donnie. This is Stephanie.

He definitely doesn't name them. Like, one time he was joking around, I'm gonna call this one Madison.

I was like, oh no, I'd rather be Madison here. Um, so I think that you need to talk to him about this, like, about all of it. And you can just say, like, I'd like to have sex more often, and you're afraid it'll disappear, because I know he said that. What concerns me is he said sex dwindles. And you know what? It does. It does dwindle. I'm telling you, over time in the relationship, we all had sex 3 times. A day at the first month of a relationship, 2 years, whatever, however long that honeymoon phase goes. But eventually biology takes over, you know, we get comfortable and it just does. So the fact that he just said it's gonna dwindle, that's fine. No, I think we know it's gonna dwindle. Expect that it's gonna change a little bit, that your sexual habits, your drive, but that you want to work on it, that you want to like, you know, say, well, we're not having it as much, but let's try to keep it interesting, or let's let's compromise about how many times a week we have it. I've talked about this a lot on the show. So, you know, you can just let them know that, you know, hey, I heard you say it's gonna like die over time, but we got to work on it. I want to spice up our sex life so it doesn't disappear completely. So I think you just got to get more information because it does sound here, Missy Overthinker, Queenie Overthinker, that you might be overthinking. Because I had to read your email a few times because I was like, you said Did he call you a sex addict or he made you feel like a sex addict? This could be your own projection, so I'm just not really sure what's going on exactly, but I'm telling you that it's normal he masturbates, but it's not normal if he's making you feel bad and pushing you away, which I'm sure is not his intention, which is why they need to talk. Yeah. I'm sorry if it all comes down to communication.

Overthinking it.

Overthinking it. Guys don't overthink. Some guys overthink. I've dated overthinkers. They make me feel super normal and calm. I'm not really an overthinker though. I overthink about stupid stuff that I shouldn't overthink, but that's still overthinking. Ready? Number 2. Oh no, number 3. This is my number 3 masturbation email. Where the F is my G-spot? Emily, I was so close.

Where's the G-spot locator app we've been talking about for years? See, another billion-dollar idea.

I don't know. I don't know. Because it's different in every woman, but I want to do it. I wanna do it, David.

We find it.

Okay, okay. Well, I just think it's hard because it's different. It's not so easy to find.

It's like we're Indiana Jones.

I know, really.

And we're trying to find the golden statue.

It's so hard, this is for a woman. Like, she thinks hers is gone and migrated. Listen, Emily.

Never.

I was really paying attention the last time I had sex, and the spot that felt really good each time he thrust in and out was against the back wall of my vagina toward my back. Gotta find it. And I know the G-spot is supposed to be towards your stomach, So what is that spot I'm feeling? Could my G-spot have migrated to the back? Thanks, Lauren Pittsburgh iTunes listener. Yes. It did not go to the back.

Review us on iTunes. Give us 5 stars.

5 stars on iTunes. We would love that.

She dances every time she gets 5 stars.

It does, it does. Because you know what happens? You know what's annoying? I'm just going to— sorry, Lauren. I'm going to find your G-spot in a minute. But years ago, when I was trying to make a living, I still struggle, but we charged— we charged 4 years ago. We paid, we had people subscribe. It was an experiment. We said, can you please pay for a podcast? 99 cents a day, whatever. Didn't work. I get it, no one paid. But we still have reviews on there like, she charged, or she did so many ads. And I think I did used to do a lot of ads. I'm sorry, but just all I've wanted to do is make a living doing the show, and I think I've worked out those kinks. However, those angry people, their comments still lives on. So can you please just say, push them down? Yeah. And Just 'cause I want people to keep listening 'cause I love my job and I love what I do, and even if I became a billionaire and I had my own plane, I would still do the show every day with Mendez.

Yep.

Okay.

Podcasting from the plane.

Exactly.

On our way to—

Dude, that's so in my radar.

That would be awesome.

I need nothing but that. Okay, a number of things could be going on back there, Laura, and here's the thing. I can tell you for one thing for sure, even though we don't have the G-spot locator app, your G-spot did not migrate. So, let me break down the vagina for you. It has a number of erogenous zones. Okay, so there's the A-spot. That's the front vaginal wall behind the belly button, which is kind of tangentially near the G-spot. Then there's the O-spot, and that's the spongy tissue on the back wall of the vagina, and that might be the spot you're feeling, or you just might like how it feels when he's thrusting in and out. There's also cervical orgasms that happen when your penis the penis reaches so deep and hits your cervix, there's like a lot of different orgasms. But if you want to start with your G-spot, and why not start with that, there's some things in life that you gotta start exploring solo because it sounds like it's not happening with your partner. So, where's the G-spot? It's located about 2 inches inside the vagina. I think a lot of people think it's way further back, and it's the front vaginal wall. So, it's like towards your belly button, so you're right about that, and there's a cluster of tissue, and it's roughly the size of a bean. And it resembles the texture of a walnut, although the size and location, but you know, does vary from vagina to vagina, but believe me, it's not in your back. When we become aroused, so you start using your fingers and you play and you explore, this lump of tissue starts to swell and it becomes much more sensitive to the touch, so it's easier to find. And so, the best way to find it is using your fingers. Use some lube, explore that area. If you can have a clitoral orgasm or turn yourself on, sometimes that's a great way to get started because that area will start to swell up. And so with your fingers or your partner's fingers, you put your palm facing up, your fingers curled up, and gently stroke the top of the vaginal wall. So your fingers like in this come hither motion, two fingers coming towards your belly button, and it's more of a stroking. It's not like a thrusting, or it could be a pressure, like you stroke and you apply pressure. And again, it's different.

Does a guy need scuba gear doing this? Like looking down there?

Do you want some?

Some scuba?

You could use like— no, like, no.

Can you also—

unless she squirts.

Can you also share real quick?

Don't— because I was thinking about Mike Catherwood on Loveline when he did a squirting thing with a mask on.

But yeah, wow, Mike has done a lot of crazy things. But the, the thing that I want you to bring up, and I know we mentioned it many times, but we get new listeners all the time.

We do.

Just a really quick recap. Your friend, you had a friend who thought the same thing as this email.

Yes.

And then so she masturbated every day for 30 days.

She masturbated every day for 30 days, which is kind of the inspiration for our masturbation contest this week, or this month, is that, so, and she's inspired me my entire life. This was when we were 19 and we were in college and she had never had an orgasm. And she had an internship and she was going away for the summer and she said, you know what, she actually didn't tell me before she left, this is after, but she's like, I masturbated every day while I was there. And she was there for 30 days. And she said, I just sat back, I used my fingers, I played around. She had no idea. She had sex like once in her life. And she, like the third week, she finally figured out and she had like amazing orgasms.

Changed her life.

Changed her life. But it took her like 3 weeks. And I'm telling you, she's still my best friend to this day. Every time she has sex with her husband, she's married, she'll have 3 orgasms. Like I believe that because she took that time of getting to know her own body, Emily Morse, like more than most people I know, that she knows how to move and she knows it didn't come naturally to her. Maybe she had sex a few times before that. So that's the story. You've got to practice, but the G-spot, um, it does require continuous stimulation. It might not happen right away. Again, there's also some great toys out there. I actually first found mine with the toy. Um, I don't remember which toy it was, but there's a lot of great G-spot toys we talk about and now I can have it during sex. So I had to find it that way. I know it's not easy, but that's what you gotta do. And another thing is, if you feel like you have to pee, you want to keep going. It feels like it's probably working. So, um, and also, if anyone wants more G-spot tips, God knows we've got them on sexwithemily.com. Hi Emily, I'm a new listener and I actually got started with your show after Menace was talking about it on the Woody Show.

See? You swear I never talk about you.

I never say that. I'm so honored that you talk about me. Someone told me that you talk about me. I love it. I just want— I just want you to like me and talk about me and come over and get drunk.

By the way, The Woody Show is a morning radio show that I do in Los Angeles with a group of people. It's about pop culture and what's going on in the news.

It's like the most popular. You're killing it. I'm proud of you.

It has become over the 2 years one of the most popular morning shows in Los Angeles. It's just crazy.

We don't talk about how proud I am of you enough.

Thank you.

I really— I've been bragging about you. I'm really, really like—

Thank you. We also podcast every day. You can download it. Just search The Woody Show.

You guys should all check it out. I just wanted your take on something that was pointed out to me not too long ago. I'm a single guy, 25 years old, and I've been out of a serious relationship for 2 years now. My friends are always surprised by this. They, mainly my female friends, consider me an incredibly outgoing person. I'm funny, I'm nice. I can't tell you how many times someone said, why are you still single? Which is the worst question ever to ask a man or woman. I have no problems talking to women except when we go out. Could be a group of guys, could be a mixed group of males and females. It never fails though when someone says, "Go talk to her." I feel as if I'm being put on the spot and I have to come up with some witty line to make her notice me. Any advice for the person who's never shy except in the moment when they have to talk to a girl?

I know, that sucks.

And this is Aaron. He's a male. He's 25. Obviously, he's a male. Kansas City, Missouri. Podcast Republic.

What, what?

That's how he listens. So a lot of guys have this issue, probably this challenge.

I've lived that issue.

Men have lived it. He no longer does. Being in the moment is terrifying because of the fear of rejection. What goes on? Can you channel your 25-year-old self?

And I'm sorry that it feels like I talk about this every other podcast and I've been talking about it for years, but if you get rejected, nothing physically is going to happen to you. You might feel sad for a moment, but you won't die. You won't die. But what you will know is, you know what? She's not interested in me, or awesome, she is interested in me. That's all that's gonna happen.

But you just go up and it's practice too, just like everything. Masturbation is a new practice that you have to muscle. You're going to learn.

There's been so many stories in my life where I find out years later, like, oh my God, I was into you but you never made a move. Every guy, it is dumbass, you know.

Why? Because you didn't know.

So shy. Because guys, again, we're so dumb we can't read signs. Unless you're sucking on my penis, Oh my God, she does like me. I don't know. I don't know if you're being nice. I don't know.

So do you think it would help with girls, this is separate, but are more, you like when girls are more assertive?

Aggressive, I think that they should be. I think it's 2016, you want everything to be equal. Why does it need to be this thing where I need to chase you and then find out? If you're into me, let me know that you're into me. What's the big deal? That's not gonna turn a guy away. That's gonna make a guy super interested. Stop with these stupid games.

It's true. It's true.

We are in a new era, people.

We are in a new era. It's absolutely true, Aaron.

You're a woman listening to this podcast and there's a guy that you're into, let him know.

Let him know.

Because maybe he is into you, but he's so stupid. Like 90% of the guys I know out there that just can't pick up on signs.

They can't pick up signs and they're so afraid. They think they have to have— they think—

you're just being nice.

They think they have to have the perfect line, but it's not about what you say. It's It's like how you say it and how you present yourself. So if you go up to a girl and your eyes are like, you're hunched over and your eyes are staring at the floor and your body language is uncomfortable, like that's not attractive. But you just, you know, you got to kind of channel like what if you're hanging out just with your guy friends. So you want to like be confident in your speech, stand straight and be like, hey, you having fun tonight? What's going on? Like you could just say that, but it's the way you present yourself. You look her in the eye and your body language is confident. You don't pause, you don't, you know, Just, how's your night going? You can observe something that's happening, so in the moment, like if you're at a concert or club, you can be like, have you seen this band live before? Something that you would just observe, 'cause then you guys have something to talk about. And I like that your friends are pushing you, because I'm telling you, and you're gonna thank me for this, I swear to God, Aaron, the more that you do this, the easier it will become, like anything in life. And right now you just gotta get over that hump. Like there's a lot, like every time, and you know, Fear is where we grow. Like, the most things— like, whenever I've had, like, growth and learned things, it's because I was terrified at first. I used to be afraid of public speaking. Like, I'd break out in hives. Like, clearly, like, I can speak to people right now. I can do that. I mean, there's a lot of things. So the guys who are good at talking to women, it's because they do it over and over again. So just remember, you're smart, you're funny, you're outgoing, you've got lots of friends, you've got people who love you, and these are all true things. These are true. This is you, Erin. And so just believe that when you're talking to men, women, you know, everybody. So, you know, I just, I think it's really just about practice. And you know, you know, your friends, you can even talk to your friends like, what do you think is a, you know, how would you talk to that girl? But I really just think it's just practicing talking. And even women that you're not necessarily even interested in, doesn't matter. Just talk. Okay. That's what I got for you. That's all we got.

That's it.

This is awesome. This feels really good. I'm gonna masturbate. I'm so happy. I'm gonna procrastinate because I actually have work to do. Um, I love you, Menace.

Love everyone.

Follow your 16 Instagram accounts now. You have—

uh, yeah, thank you for everybody on the last podcast. I mentioned so many people hit me up all the time about food in Las Vegas, so I combined it. I combined those and I started another Instagram account called, uh, uh, Vegas Foodie Guy. So just follow that Vegas Foodie Guy if you're interested interested in that. If you're not, then, um, I'm always hanging out somewhere in the country. You can follow me @benis and my dog Cheryl. And my dog Cheryl. And I love that everyone— and I know it was so cool, like, that was really cool. I talked about this on the last podcast, but a couple podcasts back I said, how many people actually listen to the very end of the show? Like the whole thing? Let's do an experiment. Go to my dog's Instagram account and wish her a happy birthday. And then so many people commented, said, I listened to the whole podcast and that's why I'm here. And then that's really, really cool.

Hmm. Okay, well, Madison, it's good to see your face.

Thank you, everybody.

And I'm next. Thank you, Gibson Guitar, for having us at their Gibson showroom here in Beverly Hills. We love it. And thank you, producer Madison. Thank you, Laurie and Jamie, you're killing it with our videos. You got to check it out on YouTube and Instagram. And I just love you all. Thanks for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com.