Dealbreakers: The Fatal Flaw

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jiu. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jaejoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi, which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super so soft, ultra quiet, and it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20 off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera. That's emily20 for 20 off at sex with emily.com h e r A. So if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it. Hi, I'm Dr. Emily Morse from sexwithemily.com do you want to last longer in bed? Promescent is the only FDA approved treatment for premature ejaculation. One in three men suffer from premature ejaculation, but they don't have to go to Promescent.com to get the desensitizing spray that will allow you to have the sex you deserve.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard. Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and anything in between. For more information, come to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to our podcast, sign up for our mailing list, and sign up for our mailing list actually, because you're gonna get the five biggest mistakes that men are making in bed and the five biggest mistakes women are making in bed. And you might find yourself there on that list. And there might be some tweaks you wanna make. But also better than that, you'll be added to our mailing list where I will not spam you, but I'll just send you some interesting video emails every so often that will help improve your sex life and your relationship. And check out our content. We've got great blogs, we've got videos, we've got a lot of interesting things happening there. So when you go to our website, it helps us too. And we enjoy having you there and we enjoy you listening to the podcast. And I am here with Menace, who is finally in Los Angeles and will be joining me again once a week doing a show.

Hello, Emily. Hey, do you know what, do you know what's crazy? Tell me is speaking about content, did you post any photo galleries from your trips to Vegas? You have been going, I'm sure you've talked about it since I've not been here, but you've been going to Vegas like crazy.

I know these porno conventions. You know what, it's actually on the list. We have a, We've done some videos. I was three times in Vegas. I gave the keynote at avn, the adult video awards, like the poor Oscar porns. And I did a bunch of videos there. So if you go to my YouTube channel and subscribe, you'll see some videos on there. We also have a photo album of a bunch of sexy, hot photos that we're still gonna post on our Facebook page and also our website. And yeah, it was. And I'm going to Vegas at the end of the month. And it was crazy.

I felt always in Vegas.

Now I know I'm going at the end of the month again. And it was, it was, it was amazing. I mean, I've never been to AVN and it was crazy. Like I felt like a virgin there. I felt like I was like the tame one. Usually I'm in the crowd, like sex with Emily.

Whoa.

It's like there's porn stars who are like squirting all over the place.

Well, I was looking at your, at your Instagram feed and then it's just like these porn stars all over you.

I know, it's kind of hot, right? Yeah, they are popular. It's kind of hot.

I don't know.

No, mine doesn't like porn. But no, it was really, really fun giving out awards. But I got so sick in January because at 3 sec. Probably everyone's like, yeah, that happens at AVN in Vegas.

Ye.

I think you get sick anyway when you go to Vegas. But it was. And I gave the keynote speech, which we're in the process of editing. It was an hour and a half long, so I'm not gonna make y' all sit through it. I know. I talked for an hour and a half.

You talked for an hour and a half?

Yeah. And no one left. No one. No one fell asleep.

No one left?

Nope. And people keep emailing me about it, so I'm gonna get a little snippets of that up for you as well. But, yeah, it was an honor to be at the AVN and to be in Vegas and speaking and doing all that stuff and meeting all the porn stars. We've had a lot of shows with porn stars. Since you haven't been here with us.

Well, you need.

You can't be here. We have the porn star shows, but we're having a lot of different guests coming up and stuff too. But, yeah, Vegas was good. Are you going back to Vegas soon?

I am for a bachelor party.

When?

I am going. What is it?

The.

The almost the last weekend in April. Okay, I'll be there. And we're probably going to go to Spearmint Rhino.

Oh, have you ever been. That's like the premier strip club.

And then we're probably going to get a table and just, you know, make it rain.

Now when you're that drunk, can you get into all the strippers? Are you still don't like it?

No, I'm just gonna go there and make sure my. Because I'm just gonna be starting my new radio show. By the way, I'm here in Los Angeles because, thank God, I got a job on a new radio show called the Woody Show. It's gonna be on alt98.7 every single morning in Los Angeles. You can Stream through the iHeartRadio app. But yeah, it's gonna be my first week after I do my new job, and then I'm gonna be in Vegas, so I can't get, like, crazy and trash and stuff because I'm gonna be on the street.

How can you be in Vegas and not trashed?

Because. Because you know me. Because work is way more.

Yeah, man. In show business.

But yeah, but I'm gonna make sure all my friends get crazy and trashed.

And, you know, do you need any, like, special treats for. For the.

For what?

I don't know. Bachelor bags? I don't know.

Like.

No, it's not like, bachelor parties.

Yeah. Bachelor parties is like, oh, like penis popsicles.

And do you want a vagina? Do you want a boob cake? No, I've got a boob cake. Cake pan.

My friends, all they want is alcohol and, like, dollar bills to go to the strip club, which I just. See, this is the thing, okay? Strip clubs are great. Shout out to all the strippers that, you know, make money and drive all this stuff. But for men, I just don't. I just don't get it. You know, it's not like you're taking the chick home at the end of the night. You're not.

But some guys do. And when they.

Or think they will encourage them, because that is.

Like, the 1%. And don't think you're gonna be that guy that's gonna take him home. If you're the guy that's taking him home, you best have, like, a ton of money in the bank.

Right?

I'm sorry.

And if you're the guy that takes her home, please don't call me and say, but she really, really liked me. It seems she was really into me. Yeah, because she wanted your money. She wanted you to buy her dinner.

But again, if that does get you excited and you. You love it, then more power to you. Me, I don't get it. I'd rather spend. Well, what is it, like, 30 bucks now to take a girl to the movies, and then you could potentially have sex with them after.

Right.

You know, I think that's a better investment than just throwing money out.

But a lot of men, they get off of. They, like, looking at the women, and they really do believe, like. But this. I can't tell you how many guys I talked to. Like, I know she's a stripper, but she was really, like, the way she looked at me, and she gave me her number on those.

Vegas strippers will do.

They're pros.

They're on another level. Like, I would. I'd just give them money just. Just because they just, like, they're so good at it.

I know. Like, talking, like, I'm just really. I wanted you to teach me how to do business. You guys make a ton of money.

Yeah. They can talk. It's crazy. We should totally. We've always talked about doing a Vegas show. Now that I'm here in Los Angeles, and we can take super, super close to Vegas. We need to do a Vegas show.

Do you want to come with us? In a few weeks? We're going to the international lingerie show. I March 31st.

March 31st?

Yeah, it's during the week, though. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. You could totally do it. You're not even working on it yet.

Okay.

It's kind of fun.

I'll think about it.

Okay. We'll talk about it. It'll be awesome. So I go to this. Yeah, so I love. So anyway, it was a very exciting month, but then I got. So. Which, you know, I never got sick, except for I did get sick this summer, and now I'm getting sick again. And then I got a concussion last week. But anyway. But I. We are going to the international lingerie show, which is lingerie, but it's also, like, you'd love. I mean, I don't know. It's just fun. It's all this crazy sexy toys on the market, the latest and greatest things. Just. And you think everyone in the industry is, like, freaky, crazy, weird, but it's not. It's like, fun, cool people. It's the latest and greatest toys. And a lot of my sponsors are there. And, you know, I actually. Fleshlight. Have you ever had used a Fleshlight Menace?

I haven't, but, you know the Joe Rogan podcast, they would always talk about the Fleshlight.

Okay, so what do they say?

They say it's amazing.

Yeah, it is. Okay, so the Fleshlight is the best male sex toy. And I. I've heard about the Fleshlight for years, but it actually looks like a flashlight. And then inside of it, it's like a, you know, vagina. It feels like you're having sex with something and it's. You could wash it out. You can use lube with it. It's very discreet. And the thing about the Fleshlight is I had heard about it, and I think a lot of men think, oh, toys are for women. I've got my hand. But it's a whole different experience. And if you want to do any stamina training, maybe you don't last long enough in bed. It just. Believe me, I've said this before. I want to have a penis for a day. And if I had a penis for a day, I'd have sex with a lot of women. I'd get a few blowjobs, and then I would use a flashlight to put me to bed at night because really, it's amazing. So I just got an email about it because I've been talking about it. Dear Emily, I heard your recent show about sex toys. At the end, you mentioned the Fleshlight and a discount when one orders through your website. Well, my wife was away for about six months on business, and I've gotten pretty lonely. I'VE never used a toy in my life, but decided to give the Fleshlight a try. Wow. It sure has made our time apart more tolerable. My only complaint is I'm not getting out of the house very much. Thanks for the advice and the discount. David v. From Burlington, Vermont. So go to sexwithemily.com fleshlight and check them out. I gave one to my sound guy in Vegas because they sent me a bunch. I was like, I want my guy friends to try it out because I really want to know. And he's like, emily, he's been married for 20 years. He's like, I would leave my wife if it could cook for flesh. Yeah. But anyway, if you want one for fun medicine, I have one in my garage.

My penis. If you haven't. If you haven't listened to the last podcast, my penis is. Have been in trouble. It's. It's healing. There's no sores on it or anything like that. I just had surgery on my penis. It's unbelievable story. Check out the last podcast.

Check out the last podcast. Exactly. He talks about his penis. Okay. And I'm glad you and your penis are here in LA in good spirits. Okay. Sex of the news. Playboy model sues for 500,000 after golf tee and Butt stunt goes wrong.

What?

Did you see this picture? It's from tmz. Look at her butt. Look at that bruise.

Oh, wow.

It's the most massive bruise. So former Playboy model Liz Dixon is suing Playboy and radio coin Klein for golf stunt gone wrong. Dixon said she suffered permanent injuries after she was convinced to lie on her stomach, have a golf ball teed up between her butt cheeks, and allowed Klein to take a swing at it. Ouch. Footage shows Dixon going along with the stunt, only to have Klein badly miss nail her in the butt cheek. Dixon was laughing at first, and Klein insisted he didn't swing very hard. But the photo tells the real story. This photo is so scary. Gnarly. In addition to the massive welt, the model damaged her hip, ligaments and nerves. As a result, she's suing for more than 33,000 in damages.

Oh, that's not that bad.

No, I think it'd be more than that because. Whoa, her butt. I mean, look at it. Okay, this is even better. Walk of Shame kit for women includes dress, sunglasses, flip flops and more. For $34.99. A new product promises to save women from the humiliation of walking home from a one night stand. The Walk of Shame kit or the Stride of Pride Kit that my feminist friend used to tell me comes with a note. It says call me on one side and thanks for nothing on another, simplifying the whole experience even more. All of the items stowed in a compact canister small enough to fit in your purse on a night out. It includes a breast cancer awareness bracelet. Part of the proceeds go to breast cancer shops and hotels have the option of buying the kits wholesale. And it also has what does it have in it? It has a dress, flip flops, a backpack, sunglasses, a pre pasted toothbrush, wipes, and the call don't car call don't call card.

Okay, the cancer thing is awesome, but I mean, how much of a hoebag are you that you actually need a kid?

Exactly. And what if a guy is like, what is that bitch? You see him sleeping over? Yeah, I know it probably won't tell very much, but I thought it was kind of funny. Okay, we could get into some emails and then we're going to talk about deal breakers because it's always been one of my favorite topics and especially lately because I feel like there's so many people who either stay in relationships too long for lust and not for love and they when you're in lust, which is usually the first six months of a relationship, even to a year, you love this person. The sex is great. You're connected, your pheromones, your hormones, everything's going wild, your adrenaline. But it's not as easy to see what the red flags are and what's going wrong and what might be your deal breaker. You might not even notice it because you're having great sex. So we'll get into that in a moment, but first we'll answer this email. So and also thanks everyone emailing me feedbackexwithemily.com and also on my Twitter and Facebook. Sex with Emily and Menace Is menace.

Just menace.

Just menace.

Follow me on Instagram that's my favorite.

Instagram's faves Dear Emily, I'm really sad about sex and my body since I feel like it's a toss up between being in serious pain or having a sex drive. I've been on antidepressants for years and can't stop using them due to depression and anxiety. I also have disabling period cramps, so my gyno has managed medication that helps and has actually stopped the periods. I can function and not have to miss days of work now, but I have no sex drive. I feel awful that I can't give my husband what I want to, but I also don't want to be crippled, in pain and in depression. I get really angry at Viagra, men's libido boosters. And since I know there's nothing like that for women, I don't know what to do. How can I have sex and not be in awful pain? Thanks for running such an awesome website and podcast. Love, Amanda.

Tequila, marijuana, what else?

Not always. Honey, I gotta tell you that it's a bummer. Well, first of all, honey, you're on antidepressants and antidepressants will just kill your sex drive. A lot of them, the SSRIs, which are like Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft. The traditional ones that you've heard about. Yeah, those they do. And. And it you. It's very rare. Sometimes you're doctor tries to match you with other meds. It'll bring it back. It doesn't. So I'm not sure if you've tried Wellbutrin, that's a popular one for antidepressant that actually doesn't have as much of the sexual side effects. But you're also having all this pain. So anytime you're taking medication, you're going to have pain and it is a bummer. There is no FDA approved male hormone therapy for women with sexual problems. But some doctors do prescribe creams off label for some women. So there might be some hormonal therapy you can talk to your doctor about. But the major problem with this type of treatment in women is the side effects, which could be acne and excess body or facial hair. So be mindful of your diet, sleep and exercise can also help restore your libido. That's just one thing is like I'm hearing a lot lately about hormone therapy and hormone people because doctors just are so quick to give you drugs when a lot of times if you're suffering from like a depression or anxiety, it could be something with your hormones. I'm wondering, Amanda, if you're also on the birth control pill. Cause women sometimes just like they don't even think about it. They're like, I'm on the birth control control pill, I'm on antidepressants, I'm taking this Advil every day or whatever. And they don't realize that all these things could slowly be like chipping away at your sex drive. So I don't want you and your husband to be in a bad place either because he will start feeling like, God, I really want to start having sex with my partner. So I would start to talk to other doctors, see what they can do. To play with your meds and see what you can do now. Also, estrogen changes, so, so to stop the pain, you can also try water based lubricants. If you're having pain during sex, ask your doctor about like prescription medicines to fight dryness. And then also stress is one of the biggest killers of people's sex drive. So if you take the focus off of having sex and maybe you spend more time with foreplay. I'm wondering. A lot of times I say to women, it's like going to the gym. You don't want to have sex. You don't, you know, you don't want to go, you don't want to go. And the second you put your shoes on, you get out the door, you get there, you're on the treadmill for like 30 minutes. You think it's going to be five. You're like, I do that sometimes. I'm like, I'm just going to work out for five minutes and then you go for half hour. Sex is sometimes like that. Once you get going with it, you might be, you'll be happily surprised that you did and your husband will be happy as well. So maybe if you again communicate with your partner, I always say again because on every show I talk about how important it is to talk to your partner about sex the second it arises. This shouldn't be something that you keep from him. I hope that you're keeping him aware of what's going on in your life and you're not just rejecting him sexually. But you can spend more time on foreplay. Maybe he could, you know, perform oral sex on you. That's not a very aggressive act. He's licking around you. You could use a sex toy on your clitoris. You could do a lot of other things that could maybe get you in the mood. You could also do mutual masturbation. You could get him off with a blowjob or hand job. There's other ways right now, while you're trying to figure out the pain and the beds and the libido that you can still be intimate with your partner. Because once that goes, it can be really hard to get it back.

Yeah. And then the, the, the drugs, my buddy had problems with that either. He couldn't even get it up because of the drugs. And then when he switched a different drug, I, I don't know what the names of them were, but he could just go forever and never have an orgasm.

Men on antidepressants, yeah, for sure. They go and go and go and yeah, they can't but then they can't have an orgasm. It's like. It's like this. It's this total bless. It's his total curse. There are blessings and curses from the universe, antidepressants, because when you're severely depressed, you just. You can't get out of bed. You want your life to be over and it's horrible. And then you take a pill and you're like, oh, my God, everything's amazing. The whole world is beautiful. But I can't have an orgasm.

Yeah, and then you're like, you know, go back to men and Viagra and all that stuff. I was reading recently how guys are just like ODing on it. I mean, by just taking too much and then they got to get their penises amputated.

Really?

Guys trying, like something perfect.

No, there is nothing perfect when you're using drugs. And there is no female Viagra yet because it's women for women. It's psychological. We need a lot more like stimulation and stuff. And it's super, super tricky.

So complicated.

I know. We are so complicated.

It's ruins my life. Okay, go ahead.

Okay. So. Dear Emily, I've written you the past about big difference between my sex drive high and my wife's low. In an effort to learn more about what I can do to help raise your interest, desire and pleasure, I've tried opening up our communication about sex and your wallet. This has not really gotten me anywhere because my wife does not really like talking about sex. She was brought up with sex being dirty or taboo mentally. So I think she approaches issues of sexuality fairly immaturely and does not let herself explore sex and be sexual. That is, to her, to be sexual is to be a slut. When I bring up topics like I recently asked her to show me with her own hands and fingers how she liked to be touched. She dismisses those conversations very quickly, like she's annoyed by them and continues to tell me those things and aren't important to her. Is my wife's attitude about sex unusual? And is her discomfort with talking about it something that a lot of women share? If she's honestly happy and gets pleasure from our pretty limited sex life, I will totally respect that. But I can't help to think there's more out there for us. Love your show. Signed Stefan. Okay, Stefan, this is a very common thing. Mismatched libidos. He wants it more than she, she wants it more than him. And a lot of couples get together and they just don't want sex at the same time. Same rate, same frequency. But I love everything that you're saying here is like everything I would tell you to do. I would say communicate with her. I would say try different things. I would say have her show you how she likes to be touched. But we're talking about some issues here where she feels like a slut. This leads me to believe that it has something to do with her upbringing and some messages that were continually blasted to her through either her religion, her upbringing, and that she just isn't comfortable in her own sexuality because either she was told that it was wrong, it was dirty, like is taboo, that she'll go to hell. I mean, people are told a whole bunch of things. And maybe she hasn't been with anyone who has slowly showed her how sex can really be enjoyable and open up. So your wife's attitude about sex. You asked me if it's unusual. It is not unusual. It's fairly common for women who are brought up in environments or just like this or who just don't feel comfortable around sex. But.

It'S also really difficult for you because you're trying to grow it. And it's hard to get women to like. If she's been like this her whole life, it can be really challenging to get her to open up. And so I'm thinking there's some other issues going on here besides just the things around sex. And I'm wondering if a little couples therapy might not be do the trick where you guys can talk about sex in a really safe place. And maybe she's had some, you know, incest or some issues early on in life.

Maybe she's just a pain in the ass, no menace. Maybe she don't got kids, dump her.

Ass and get with somebody else if she's on meds. Yeah. I mean, the thing is, you got to get to the bottom of it, Stefan, because this is what I can tell you. She's not going to change on her own. It sound like you're doing everything you can, and what you're doing, though, isn't working for her. So you're using a language. It's you talking or saying, can we try this? Could you try that? But if she's got this huge wall up around sex, she's not going to bring it down for you just by you talking to her. So I think that you might need. This is a call for therapy. A little group couples therapy or sex therapy. But I'd say couples therapy, definitely couple therapy. Because you can't, no matter how many vibrators I tell you to buy and porn to this is not where she's at.

And don't deal with it for like 15 years.

Exactly.

Okay, I'm done. And then you're just gonna want to go like whore around with a bunch of 20 year olds.

Exactly. You know, people don't change unless they want to change. And people sit in relationships for way too long thinking that people are going to change. Which leads us to the topic of our show Menace, which is kind of a common.

I won't change for you.

You won't?

No.

God damn it. I know that. I don't know how. You're like my longest relationship and you still haven't changed for me. God damn it. But this is kind of. This is deal breakers. This is those things, you know the catch that's a particular individual cannot overlook and ultimately outweighs any redeeming quality the individual may possess. My mom, as you know, I love, she always gives me great quotes. She always calls it the. God, what did I say that? My mom called it the. I was just talking about this the other day. The. The fatal flaw. She's like, oh, Emily. Because I always have. I always. Every guy I date has a fatal flaw. She's like, what's his fatal flaw? So this is just something that you just cannot deal with in your partner. And a lot of times you know this in your head, but you think, oh, they might change. Oh, this is gonna happen. But never date someone on their potential. Don't date someone how you think they're gonna be. Date them on how they are in the moment. So some common deal breakers can you think of?

Yeah, but sometimes, sometimes women, you hear this all the time because once they get married or something like that, they totally change. They become like from a super slut to. They won't even do anything at all right after they get married.

I mean, you have heard that women stop giving BJ's after they get married. I've heard that. Yeah. But I also think that that's what. The second that starts happening is when you start talking about your sex life. Because the reason why she might be shutting down, also when you have kids, you don't want to have sex right away. But people don't speak the same love languages. So for example, if you come home with your boner and you're hot and horny for her and she's like busy or she's got from work, she's not even turned down yet. She's gonna keep pushing you weight because she's gonna think every time you approach her, you want sex. So for those couples who. The woman changed, she doesn't want sex. I wouldn't totally blame it on her. I would blame it on the couple's communication about why she doesn't really want sex anymore. This does not have to be a deal breaker. You can try to work on it, but couples so many times think it's gonna change. They don't work on it. 10 years go by and they're still not having sex, and they wonder what the hell happened.

And it happens. It happens, too, to guys. Guys change, too.

They do change. A lot of people change.

That's not gonna. You're not gonna agree with me.

Okay.

But I'm gonna tell you, I don't agree with you. Why? A lot of it. Why? Guys change, too. We're like, oh, he's not having sex with me ever. Because sometimes you. I don't care. And I know it's hard to believe, but no matter how hot you are, if you are a pain in the effing ass, guys are not gonna want to sleep with you. I know this is a concept that's blowing.

A lot of people get married, huh? Are you talking about, like, girls who are hot and just lie there and think that their whole life is coming?

No, no, no. You see, you're not listening to me.

Oh, you're right.

All right. The thing is, if you are a pain in the ass, like, you know, just, like, you know, oh, you can't make decisions or something. It's just. It's hard. It's difficult to deal with you on a daily basis outside of sex. Guys won't want to have sex with you no matter how hot you are. And I know this is blowing your mind right now because you never, ever.

Want to have sex with a guy, how hot he is if he's a pain in the ass, too. So it doesn't go both ways.

No, I think. I think women, even though, like.

Guys are super douchebags and you know that he's a big douchebag, women will still sleep with that guy, I believe, like, a little bit.

But.

Yeah, but see, but they will still sleep with him. Guys.

Guys sleep with a hot chicken.

Yeah. And I'm not saying that doesn't happen too, but guys are more. This is what women don't understand. Like, like, oh, but you see, like, couples break up, break up. And, like, some guy stops sleeping with some super hot girl that's out of his league, and they're like, dude, why would he break up with her because she's a pain in the ass. To deal with, you know, that's like more.

You think all women are kind of a pain in the ass.

No, I don't.

I'm.

I like giving. Giving a hard time.

I know, but I see what you're saying. I mean, I guess. I mean, if anyone's a pain in the ass whether she's hot. I know. Because some guys think if I could just get, you know, Giselle. Giselle. Bunching, even if she wasn't married, to sleep with me, then my whole life would be perfect. And, you know, you find a hot girl in the room and I'll find.

She'S like crying every five seconds.

But haven't you heard that? You know, find a hot girl in the room and I'll show you a guy who's tired of effing her. Yeah, it's true. I guess. Whatever you're saying.

See?

Okay, so. No, I get it. I'm just saying it goes both ways, okay? Common deal breakers. For example, if you're dating someone who's overly flirty, they neglect you publicly. They scold you publicly. Which is all forms of disrespect. They lie. There's no chemistry. Sexual. Otherwise, why the hell are you with this person if there's no chemistry? Jealousy. That's a really tough one. Have you ever dated a super jealous person?

I haven't, but I've dated the other ones.

Which one?

Flirty, flirty, Overly flirty. Which is.

That's me.

Yeah, totally. I don't even know how guys could even deal with that.

Yeah, they can't. They neglect you publicly. You know, you neglect them publicly. But you've neglected girls publicly. You had girls neglect you.

I've had it both ways. Yeah.

Okay. They lie. You've had liars.

I've had liars. Yes.

Okay. Misdirection, prioritization. Where does your relationship stand on your priority list? If it's after friends, parents in law and neighbors, then maybe you need to take another look at that list. That's another thing. So if your relationship is someone whose deal breaker is. If you're prioritizing the relationship and you're putting it up there at the top of your list, but they've got a million other things and you're like, bottom of the list. And you guys are not meant to match. So lack of communication could be a big deal breaker. They don't back you up. They don't support you.

F that noise.

Overflowing expectation. They criticize you. They disappear. A lot of guys disappear. And women. But there's always, like, the disappearing man. Have you heard all this? It's like a phenomenon, guys. You're like. You sleep with them, it's amazing. They love you. And then like, boom, they disappear.

I've had a. I had a girlfriend disappear on me.

Oh, you did?

Yeah.

Did you kill her? Is she like in the ocean?

No, no, no, no, no, no. We're. We're cool now. But it was just like I. And I think a lot of it was my fault too, because when you live in the city of San Francisco, you don't really need a car. So I didn't have one. And then, so my. My girlfriend at the time, she lived outside of the city. And it's like such an ordeal. You have to go over the bridge, all that stuff. And I think she was just tired of going, Coming, coming to see me.

There could be people who are very geographically undesirable.

Apparently.

Happens a lot here in Los Angeles.

Oh, yeah, it's huge because it's one.

Of the worst places, worst traffic cities in America.

I can't date anyone who lives like more than eight miles away from me here.

Yeah.

And then.

So they won't.

No.

But a lot of people around here are like, area snobs. Like, crazy.

Yeah. Like, how so? Like, which place?

Well, oh, if you live in a certain area, like, oh, really? You live there. And the places can be like, amazing, you know, and then you're like, people are D bags.

Like, who cares where you live? But San Francisco is like that too, sometimes.

Area snobs.

Well, San Francisco, like, oh, you live in the Michigan.

Yeah. But everywhere now is like, in San Francisco.

I'm so glad I don't live there anymore. I never thought I'd say that.

Don't move there now.

I got it all shaken.

Unless, I mean, you have to make right now. A lot of people are listening to us across the country and across the world. To be middle class in San Francisco, you have to make a minimum.

Over a hundred thousand dollars a year. You individually has.

Right.

Not like household or anything like that. You have to make over 100 grand to be middle class.

That's crazy. That is crazy. And you can't buy house unless you have over a million dollars.

Oh, yeah, that's crazy. So that's why I got out.

So. Right. Okay, so. So then other deal breakers. What would you say some deal breakers are for you?

Well, I already kind of express it, like being a pain ass, like constantly.

Which is most women you meet. I want to text your girlfriend because she probably isn't. She's not pain in the ass at all.

No, not at all. You know, go. Hey, I'm gonna go here and go do something.

She's like, ciao.

Okay, cool. Have. Have fun. You know, And I've dated girls in the past, so, like, something's always happening. Like, oh, hey, I'm gonna go here to this event with my friends, and suddenly there's, like, always some drama. Happen, happen. Just so happens to happen while I'm out doing something.

And they need you to. Where are you? They want to meet up with you.

Are you gonna be back? Like, this girlfriend, she's like, whatever, just go do your thing. I don't care.

Right, Good. That's perfect. School.

That's what I need.

That's.

I need that.

Exactly what I need to. I need a guy that, like, what are you doing? Where are you going? Can I see you?

I can't. I can't date anybody ever again. That's, like, dependent on me in any way.

Right?

Like, I can be dependable. Like, I will always be there for somebody that I'm dating, but I just can't have somebody that needs me for some reason every single day of my life, because I will die.

Right. No, I know. I understand. And I think especially these days, our generations is like, we're so used to being independent, and there's so many things to do, and people are working more men and women that you just, you know, you don't. But some people love someone to rely on them, so we're kind of more similar. You sound like me. Honestly, you sound like me right now. It's weird. Men.

Yeah, but you're like, you don't. You don't commit for shit.

I commit, but I don't commit to be completely dependent on someone, and I don't want them to depend on me.

And I'm not saying this is not okay, because you're always going to take everything I say in a bad way, but you.

Especially when you say it like that.

Well, I got to set it up because you're instantly going to get mad at me.

Go ahead.

But I think that you. It's always. It's always about you in every relationship because you're. Because you're trying to build your empire.

Right? It's not me. It's about me trying to survive and not relying on them so I can.

Like, go back to. We go back to this thing where we've always talked about in the past couple years. Then it was brought up up on the television show that you're on misadvised which you can download right now on itunes if you want to see it. Misadvised. And it was a big part of the show, right? That some point in life, your mother told you to never depend on a man, which is fine. But you've taken it to the extreme where it affects every single relationship that you're in, and you don't focus on the other person at all.

I do focus on them when I'm with them. I just. I just don't have as much time to put into a relationship as they would like. I'm trying to make a living here, and they always want to hang out all the time.

There was one story, if I could. If I could share it. It wasn't even a guy. It was just a friend.

Okay.

A friend of yours, not a guy that you were dating.

Okay.

That you. That really stood out to me. Why?

Why you face. I don't know what it is.

Yeah, that really stood out to me. That you. And not. And it's gonna come off like you're self absorbed. That's what it sounds like, what I'm saying. But it's like, it's all about you. Because you're so worried, because you need to take care of yourself. That's a situation. You're not self absorbed. Okay. But you. You told me a story about a friend who lost a dog, and he was very worried about that dog, and he was freaking out, and then you were. And he's like, oh, we got to go find this dog. And you're like, oh, no, the dog is. It's okay. Let's go do something else. Like, you didn't care.

I'd say before I understood dog, I thought it would just come back.

No. But it's just like, that was somebody that was in need, and you weren't really tripping off it, you know? And then I'm just like, if we look at child.

I remember this story.

Oh, yeah, you do. That's why you're crazy.

You don't. I remember. When was this?

This is. You told me the story years ago, but it really, like, stood out.

Oh, no. Because.

And then. So he was an asshole, but he.

Was, like, really upset about his dog, and he thought I didn't understand. I remember. I remember I was, like, 20. Yeah. I got his house. He's like, oh, my God. My dog ran out. And I. I literally. It's like kids. Until I had a dog or I had a friend with a dog. I didn't grow up with dogs. I didn't grow up with kids. Just defending myself with this story that it was our first date, I showed up his house and his dog like ran out. And I think I just got there and he was like, we have to go by my dog. And I think I was like, well, doesn't your dog come back? Like, I just don't think I understood that dog. It sounds really stupid. Like I didn't know dogs, I didn't know kids until I had my own dog and kids. But it wasn't self. But why is that self? Like, okay, so what's your point in that? Like that point is to say that I don't put other people's needs. Yeah, I don't understand other people. That's so not.

But I think that's what happens in relationships with you. I've observed it.

What, that I don't take care of their needs at all.

That, you know, it's, it's all.

I don't find their dogs.

You don't find the dogs. And it's annoying about you. And it's not all about you because you know that you love yourself and you're self absorbed.

I'm not like, worship me. It's all about me trying to survive when they want. Yes. It's if they want. It's all about. I would not say it's all about me menace. I would say that typically the issues I've run into is that they would like to, like most normal people, spend more time with me and build a relationship, whereas I'm working a lot and doing a lot of different things. And that I can't actually prioritize that over if I've got work to do. I can't prioritize that over relationship. It's not that I don't sit and help them and listen to them. It's not like I walk in the door, I'm like, how about me? What about me? What do you think about this? What do you think about that? Like I'm not, not self absorbed like that. Like if I'm in a relationship, like I'm a really good friend and I'm like in friends and relationships. So I think that's wrong. The dog story, the whole, okay, the.

Dog story is wrong, then the whole thing was wrong.

It's like your secret hate. It was not even a secret hate for me. Comes out secret hate.

What are you talking about? See, this is where you, you dive too.

I say it might be all about my agenda rather than their agenda, but I lay out my agenda very early on and that is the agenda is that I can't see you all the time and I can't commit.

And you're totally upfront about that. That's why. But some people that are looking from the outside, and she never in a.

That's why. Because I'm not the right person for you. And that's why.

And then that would be like a deal breaker for me.

Right.

Relationship.

Right. So we would never date.

Never.

Right. Cool with that. That'd be good. That'd be awkward.

Yeah.

Be kind of a good show sometimes, but that would be awkward. So. Okay. So anyway, deal breakers, which we talked about. So there was an old poll that it's on Sex with Emily, and it showed that these were the deal breakers for a lot of people or what made them anxious about a date showing up without a plan. 7% splitting the bill, 20% talking about their ex, 33% rude to the waiter. 40%. And I have to agree that, first of all, if you're rude to the waiter, they hate their mother, whatever it is, they're rude to anyone, Then that's typically how they're going to treat you.

Yeah.

And that's very true. Talking about your ex on the first date, not a great idea. Or even the second date, it's like, unless it's in context. And, like, the older you get, sometimes people have kids and they're like, oh, my ex and I were in a good place. But if it's really just like that. Bitch. First date is not. I'm not saying you need to fake it. I'm not saying you need to be all sunshine. But just talk about, like, what you're passionate about your life, your things. Don't dredge up the past. Splitting the bill. I'm sorry, guys. And this might be like, I'm a feminist, but there's something about those, like, three little words. Or it's actually four words. When he says back to you, okay, let's split it. He really does. She doesn't want you to say yes, just dudes. If she offers to split it, do not take her money and do not take her credit card. Next time, have her pick up the bill. But if you ask for the date, have her pay it. She's offering. She doesn't really want to pay. I don't care. It's not a money thing. It's not how much money she has or how much money you have. But just like on the first date, first few dates, I believe if you asked her out, you should pay.

And also, I.

She doesn't want to be digging through a purse like, here's a 20.

I mean, here's a little tip.

Tip.

I. I totally believe 100% a guy should always pay. And I think I. I've, you know, I try to always pay as much as I can, no matter what, as long as I'm in a relationship. But it's always nice that they at least offer. But if the guy goes, you want.

Them to do the reach, right?

Yeah, if they offer, then I was like, oh, that's. That's pretty cool. I'm never ever gonna let them pay.

Right?

But that.

That's.

That's. That's pretty cool. But then if a guy goes, okay.

Then I always offer, leave his ass afterwards. That's true. And I know this sounds so messed up. This sounds so messed up because I offer, too. I do. Or I'm like, you know, but, you know, sometimes you just know. They just put down their card. They're like. But I think that.

But I think that makes. It makes you look good, right?

Then I don't look like a total. Like I'm out there like a gold digger or whatever. But I just think even on the first few, you can start splitting it down the road. Or she takes you, you take in. But at the first three dates, don't do that. These are deal breakers. And the reason why we're talking about this is because I think that it's so common that we all fall into similar dating patterns or dating ruts, or we stay in relationships too long. And I think if you get really, really clear on what you will put up with and what you won't put up with. So if you take a look at your relationship right now and what's bothering you, so maybe she, you know, she's really messy and she leaves her socks on the floor. Or maybe he's, you know, always late, and it drives you insane. You're like, why isn't he ever on time? These are the kind of things that you can kind of work on. They're not necessarily deal breakers. And so that's okay. You can be like, babe, you know, start coming here like an hour earlier. You know, I need you. This is really. Talk about it. However, things like, if someone doesn't respect you, they neglect you, they make you feel bad about yourself. After you hang out with them, you feel worse. Now, a lot of times, people accept that, like the woman who dates a bad boy because maybe they grew up and maybe that's how their parents treat them. They're used to feeling that way.

You Feel bad about yourself, Emily, I'm sorry.

Yeah. You just said I was about myself, which isn't. And you didn't. Me, I'm the first to look at myself. But I'm not a selfish person.

And that's not what I'm saying. See, I thought. That's why I try to. To lay it out and say that you're. You are not like that. But you still see, that's immediately what you went for.

Should we rewind this? Because I don't think that that's. Except that's what. That's not what I'm saying. Like, when you say, I get it, I'm like, what a show. I don't even remember. Like, are you here? Like, I. Whatever. So this is what I say is that. Is that.

Are you happy that I'm here now?

Yeah. I love you that you're here. I forgot I'm not abused as much when you're not here, but it's fine.

So it gets too real on here.

That's too real, man. We're getting so real. It's getting too hot here. We're getting hot here. That.

Look at the relationship you're in now. And look at. If you're dealing with one of these deal breakers. Like, you feel bad, they're criticizing you, they've cheated, they have a substance abuse problem. This isn't. I think I've heard someone. These are things that unless they want to get help, they're not going to change. Okay, so you are in a relationship with a fatal flaw or a deal breaker. But if they're little things that are bothering you, those things can change even if you don't like the way a person dresses. I remember dating a guy once. Like, I was like, in my early 20s. I'm like, Mom, I hate. He wears shorts and his shoes. She's like, buy him new. Like, go take him shopping. Like, you know what I mean? You have to draw the. You have to remember. You have to look at what you can live with and what you can't. And again, don't date on potential. Don't date on what they could be, but date in the moment of what you're dating. Take a real look at your relationship and don't spend too much time in it if you feel like it's right. And it's one of these deal breakers, because people really don't change unless they want to. And typically they don't. Anyway. Yeah, that's what I got. Menace. What else? What else? Say something nice. You need to say three Nice things to me before we leave.

Three nice things.

Yeah.

One, I love you, Emily. And you're sweet and you are caring to all your friends. I don't know about in your relationships with men.

I am sweet to them until I break up with them. I'm very, very sweet.

But to your friends and everyone you've always loved your friends. A lot of friends that you have, I don't like. And you have defended them.

Okay, that just took away your first name.

No, no, no. But you've defended them to the end, so that shows that you are a loyal person.

Right?

So that's number two. And this is taking too long. And number three, you put up with me, so you know that you have a heart of gold.

That was selfish. Right back at you. Okay. Anyway, I forgot to say, this show is brought to you by Max for Men. It' product line all about increasing male pleasure, attraction and performance. And their products are super reasonable, too. They're just really cool. They have a great shave gel. They have an oral sex gel. They have, like, really, like, interesting men products that are very well made with pheromone attraction qualities. So go to maxformen.com or you can click on the banner on the stacks with Emily site. Use coupon code Emily25 and you get 20%. 25% off at max four men. That's the number4.com. That's how I feel about that menace. So we'll come back next week and maybe you can think about those three nice things you'd like to say to me.

Yes, I will. I'll come back with at least four.

Oh, you're so sweet.

How about that?

No, really. I love you and I'm glad you're here.

I love you, too.

And I had a concussion last week, if that's why I'm cranky.

I know. And I. I wish you would go to a doctor about it, but you don't.

I'm fine. Do I look like I have a concussion?

I don't know.

I feel fine. Okay, everyone, follow me on Facebook and Twitter. Sex with Emily and like, my page and all that. And Instagram. Sex with Emily Menace is just menace. People don't know how to spell your name a lot.

M, E, N, A, C, E. Right.

And subscribe to us on itunes. Just do it. Like, go there. It's easy because then you'll never miss another Sex with Emily show again. Check out my website, support my sponsors, please, because that helps me be able to bring the show to you for free so you get to enjoy it and I can do more and more shows, so I appreciate that. And thanks for everyone listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com I'm Emily from sexwithemily.com Crazygirlproducts.com carries unique pheromone infused products that make you feel sexy and confident. I'm crazy about their Wannabe Naked Shave Cream. It's made perfectly for your more intimate areas. No shave, bumps or ingrown hair. Use coupon code EMILY25 for 25% off@crazygirlproducts.com there's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep, sharper focus, stronger muscles and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human magnesium. And here's the thing, no single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created. Needed with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals, it provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel Meal More than just a sleep supplement, it's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age well. Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive magnesium support. And personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really noticed calmer nights and clear mornings and just feeling more grounded in my body, which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualia life.com sex with Emily for 50 off and here's a bonus. Use the code Sex with Emily for an additional 15 off your order. That's Q U A L I A life.com sex with Emily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.