Birth Chart Breakdowns & Sexual Journeys with Dr. Jen Freed

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Emily we're not supposed to be human machines. We're supposed to be human beings and now we're run by machines. So first of all, don't take it personally. Take it as a sign it's time to pause. Secondly, if you're going to make a communication, think three times before you send it or edit it three times before you send it. Or if you're going to make a phone call and it's got a charge to it, think through it three times. It's the rule of three for me with Mercury Retrograde. And then here's what I really noticed. This is the bonus bonus for your listeners who are into Mercury Retrograde. If you do all of this refining and reflecting and thinking through, you have better communication than you've ever had because it's much more intentional, thoughtful, reflective and contemplative. Because Mercury retrograde or any planet, retrograde means basically that energy going internal instead of external.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and on today's show you're in for a treat. I'm joined by psychological astrologer Dr. Jennifer Freed. And we're reading your birth charts to help guide you on your sex and relationship journey. This is just part one, so be on the lookout for part two. If you like the show, let us know and we can have more. Call in shows like this. Email us feedbackexwithemily.com or leave us a comment on itunes or wherever you listen to the show. All right, guys, enjoy the show. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes they call in a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just.

Got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh, my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry?

It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But, you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com. have you not been to our website? You're going to love it. There's so much information there to help you have the sex you want. You can also find me on Sirius XM radio five days a week. It's Monday through Friday, 5 to 7pm Pacific on channel Stars 109. And you can even get a free subscription for 30 days at sex with emily.comsxm find me at all social media. It's ex with Emily across the board. All right, guys, I loved this show, and I hope you do, too. All right? I'm very excited to welcome my guest, Dr. Jennifer Freedom. And if you don't know, Jennifer Freed was on my show recently. We did a show called what's yous Sex Sign? And it was so wildly popular. We had so many listeners who were, like, blown away by the show that we're like, well, I gotta bring her back. So Jennifer Freed is an internationally certified astrologer, a psychotherapist. She did a reading on me, only using my chart, having never met me. And it was so spot on, I can't even stop thinking about it. I listened to it again this morning. So accurate. And even if you're like, oh, wait, I'm tuning out astrology, no, I'm not gonna listen to this episode. Keep listening. Trust me, you are going to learn a lot. She's Been teaching and practicing psychological astrology for 30 years. She's just amazing. She's creating so many different programs for people of all ages from her Sexual Wisdom Workbook for teens, which I've been blown away from. And she just wants everyone to have the tools to reach their full potential in so many ways.

I'm so grateful to be back. And I have had the best response I've ever had from, from listeners on your show of anything I've ever done, Emily. So that testifies to the intelligence, the creativity and the yearning for knowledge that your listeners have.

That's really amazing to me that here you are on this other, you know, goops, got a lot of list, but here, because I think people really heard you and you just, you spoke so much sense. But today is going to be a really special show because we actually, we reach out to listeners and said, do you want your. We called it Sextrology, your sex chart. How can we help you? Would you like to have it read? And we got hundreds. Thank God. We had all these interns here this summer because they were going through them. And we picked some people and we're going to be calling them shortly. But first, I just wanted to chat with you again for a few minutes. So I'm glad that, that it was so impactful for you and, and for, and for our listeners as well, because I was saying just whenever we can bring great value to our listeners. It's amazing. And they hadn't, they hadn't heard anything that we talked about. Okay, right now we're in Mercury retrograde, which, okay, it happens how many times a year?

Like three or four times a year sometimes.

I just think it's an excuse we used to joke around here. Must be Mercury in retrograde. And people don't really get it. But now that I'm a full believer in all things astrology, because of you, what the hell is really going on with Mercury in retrograde?

When Mercury is in retrograde and it like happens for about three weeks or so at a time, what seems to occur? And again, I'm not scientifically proving this. This is just anecdotal evidence. People talk about it all the time. Computers don't work, messages are sent that shouldn't be sent. People aren't getting back to people in the way that they thought. But then somehow they lost their address. There's all manners of confusion and obstruction in communication. And I've learned during these periods when, oops, Mercury's retrograde to do these things, and they help incredibly. I mean, so One, if you're being obstructed or delayed, first thing you do is say, thank you for giving me a moment to pause. Because we're run by machines now. Our lives are faster paced than we can keep up with. So let's say your computer has a glitch or the phone isn't working, all.

All of car breaks down, even anything.

I just go, thank you for the reset. Yeah, you just took a breath. Just take a breath. Because actually, we're not supposed to be human machines. We're supposed to be human beings and now we're run by machines. So first of all, don't take it personally. Take it as a sign it's time to pause. Secondly, if you're going to make a communication, think three times before you send it or edit it three times before you send it. Or if you're going to make a phone call and it's got a charge to it, think through it three times. If you're going to sign a contract, have three people look at it. It's the rule of three for me with Mercury Retrograde. And then here's what I really noticed. This is the bonus, bonus for your listeners who are into Mercury Retrograde. If you do all of this refining and reflecting and thinking through, you have better communication than you've ever had. Because it's much more intentional than thoughtful, reflective and contemplative. Because Mercury Retrograde, or any planet, retrograde means basically that energy going internal instead of external. So it's a time to go in instead of be so rapidly out and extroverted. So that's.

That makes so much sense too. And it's almost like I would hope that if people really took this to heart and practice it for these three weeks, it would kind of seep over after Mercury is out of retrograde. Because being more mindful, thoughtful, introspective, and thinking a few times before you do anything is really fruitful.

Can I give an example? So I have a new book coming out, as you know, and I have a great team, and one of my team under Mercury Retrograde sent me a very hasty, snarky email. And of course, it hurts when somebody does that. And my normal impulsive response would be snark right back. But I just went, mercury retrograde. Think on this. What's she going through? How come she sent that? And I went through it a number of times and I made a call, not an email, and I said, wow, you must be so overwhelmed. That tone was so unlike you. You're such a kind and caring person. Of course she called me back 20 minutes later. I can't believe I sent that email. And we're great. And then we had the most productive conversation.

Of course, clearing, repairing. This is something I think you could think about. How resentments build in relationships, friendships, romantic relations, relationships. Most people wouldn't do that. They would just snark back and they maybe they don't talk again. Right. And just to say hey, to take a moment and pause and think if someone's acting out of character, that's such a great example. To think, well, this isn't like them. And use such introspection to be able to think. That's such a wise way of thinking. Like we know so we know them so well. Because a lot of us would think it's about us. Like they would have taken and be like, what did I do? What's wrong with me? And you were like, no, I going to take a step back. That's very healthy. What's the name of your new book again? Just so we can look forward to it.

Use your planets wisely. And it's already on Amazon pre order. And my goal would be to have everybody so pre order it that they already make a second printing.

Oh, okay. We're pre ordering it here. Maybe we'll do a giveaway too. We'll put it in the show notes as well that people can find it and pre order it and maybe we'll do some giveaways. If you guys send us a email that you pre ordered it and take a shot of it, then we. You have a chance to win a book. Yeah, how about that? Okay, so we covered Mercury retrograde. Just kind of be, be more mindful of all your decisions. Okay, so a lot of what we talked about in the last show as well was about a lot about women, how young women are learning about sexuality, how you teach these courses and about women really, how we're not taught how our bodies work, we're not taught about sexuality, that we think it's so much about giving to men and not giving to ourselves. And I think that really struck a chord with so many of our listeners. But also before the show we were talking about this thing about competition, about how so many women. And I hear men say this too, they're like, yeah, girls, they're always at each other's throats. Yeah, you women fighting. And I just. And I'm very competition averse. I'm the other way. I don't think that we're coming from a place of lack. I think abundance women, we can all help each other. I'm lucky enough that, that, that was sort of my upbringing. But yet for women, let's talk about how collaboration really, truly is this feminine principle. And that's kind of how we're wired biologically, but yet we get. Who knows if it's social media we're pitting against each other. What can we do as women to really.

Well, I think first really understand that we're stronger together. We are all made uniquely to be braided together as allies. And when we see another woman as a competitor or possible enemy, that's taking away from our own resources. Like you and I meet each other and we're lifting each other up. If every woman saw another woman as a woman, who can lift her up instead of somehow take value away from her? Oh my gosh, what women can't do, we can do anything together. Now, what I see with young women, especially these days, because we have these huge blow ups in the media, like the Taylor Swift, Katy Perry thing, which they've beautifully resolved, by the way. But the media goes wild for cat fight, girl fight. And then they put all this fire on the gasoline. And so what girls grow up doing to each other is they're the ones looking each other up and down and deciding whether they look good enough, whether they look better than you. Who's the more popular? You know, we're divided and this is the way that women are conquered. Because when we're together, we're unstoppable.

Truly, Truly. No, that's a great, that's a great answer. And I feel like it's. But it also is so deeply ingrained of who we are. We were talking about this. Who has a friend, who has a daughter who's like, you know, maybe she's in fifth grade or sixth grade. But the girls who are popular, the ones that the boys find attractive, find cute. So that's who everyone wants to be friends with, is the pretty girl. And I was like, I don't know how you stop that in fifth grade.

I don't know. We've had a lot of effectiveness in our program stopping that. We'll go in and we'll just do a simple circle of each girl having a talking piece and talking one at a time. And each girl saying name a time a girl has made you feel less than or left you out and what it was like for you. And every girl speaks on that. Then the second round is name a time you've done that to somebody and what it was like for you to do that. And basically, I Think we all deeply yearn to be loved and love each other. But there's these patterns that get so set in that we don't really want and we can undo them by simple listening. We can learn so much more by listening than just being in reaction.

Right? Exactly. And I love that idea of. Of at such a young age having them sit around and even we were talking earlier about our. Before we started the show, about our morning routines and there's so much about our brains waking up wired to kind of default towards the negative. Or if you check your email first thing, you're off and running and you're not really grounded in a. In a place where you could be. Where if you wake up and you're like, what do I love about myself? What. What are the things that I really appreciate about myself? What have I, you know, accomplished? Or what's my gratitude list? Gratitude was always a little bit tough for me, just that word gratitude, like, I'm thankful, I'm thankful. But when you really write it down, you're like all the things that you. Even if just like, I'm grateful for my laptop, I'm grateful for my bed, I'm grateful for that. My water's running in the sink. It doesn't even. Days that are hard, you can find things to be grateful for. But then. But the best thing that the words about yourself things that you love is I think you'll just could shudder with that and think, oh, I can't think of all these things. You said you do 100 things a day.

Yeah, I was given an assignment by a very funny person to do 100 appreciations of myself every day. 80 just like qualities and then 20 things on my body. And I thought, bring it on. I. And she said, you won't be able to do it very easily. And I said, yes, I can.

And.

And what's true is I do it every single morning and it takes some time and I've gotten better and better at it. But what happens is, no matter how I slept that night and I don't always sleep well, I start out with 100 good things about myself. Some I'm even reaching for. Like, you know, maybe I'm not patient yet, but I might be by the end of the day, you know, so I'm reaching. But I start out my day just psyched to be the best person I can be.

Yeah. I mean it makes so much sense because otherwise we're filling our words with the default stuff, which is kind of garbage. Or I'm late again or I'm messing up or that's what I do. Filled my brain with those things. So a hundred things. Do you write them down?

Well, I started by writing them down, but then I decided it's easier for me and I am a little lazy sometimes to lay in bed and count them off on my fingers because then I do it.

I repeat myself sometimes, but I guess that's okay.

Oh, you got to repeat. This isn't about perfection.

Oh, good.

Oh, I could totally do that. I mean, I don't intend to repeat, but today I think I said caring twice, hoping I might be, you know.

You are very caring. Well, the service that you're about to provide to our listeners is very, very caring. Should we talk about this for a second before we make the calls? What. What you're going to be doing here for people who are totally new to this.

So what I don't realize about astrology is that most all outlets are giving you just a sun sign. Astrology, which is just the day you were born, where the sun was in the sky. And that is a very thumbnail sketch. It doesn't go deep and it just gives you a very cursory look at yourself. I have printed out elaborate charts of each of these callers and this will give me a very incisive look into their psyche and their soul and their patterns and possibilities. We'll be doing snapshots of each person with their sex and love relational strategies. And you and I will be commenting on it will be fun. And this hopefully my purpose is to create transformation and full self expression for each listener.

Should we do a quickie example? Like. You have my chart in front of me.

Yes.

Let's do. So what if I.

Say what could I ask you right now?

Let's talk about your sex love profile.

Okay.

Why don't we just.

Let's do that just to show you. Okay. So.

Okay, so what I look at and I'm going to name these things is your sun is in Gemini. And that particular sun sign thrives on communication and good discussion, hence your profession. But what your moon sign is, is what you need to be emotionally focused, fulfilled is sensuality, touch, luxury, and like real connection on a physical, bodily way. And that's what you need emotionally, that's uncompromisable. So yes, you like to talk, but show me the money in terms of don't just talk, baby, actually show up, bring me the flowers, do the actual work it takes to court me. Because talking is just going to go so far in your chart.

Yeah.

Then you have what's called Mars, which is your sex drive and the way you go after things in cancer Square Uranus. So I hope this isn't too personal for the woman that has a sex show, but it for you, this is an intense need for variety and creativity and sex. It's like you want to not have the vanilla routine every time you want somebody to excite you, so stimulate you, like created a new. You don't want to be the same thing each time. You could get bored very quickly if somebody pulls the same moves each time. And so this is like, you crave variety and it's very important that you get it and give it at the same time. Your Mars is in the sign of cancer, which is a very nurturing and very caring and very sensitive and vulnerable. So your ideal partner can be, if I might say, surprising and kinky in ways, but always there for you emotionally. Doesn't forget that you're a living, vulnerable, tender woman underneath whatever you're doing. So that's another piece. How are we doing so far? We're good.

Jamie's here, nodding. She's working here four years. We are spot on here. We are spot on.

And then you do have Venus, also in the sign of cancer, but in this, in the house of communications. So what you really are going to appreciate with a lover over time is that they know how to hold space for you and not have to talk out everything. Like they can just make you a meal or they can like when you come home, have things set up for you, make a nest for you. So you need a sexy kinky nest maker.

Can I put that in my dating profile? No, I don't know what dating profile, but sexy kinky nest maker.

Yes. Somebody that you can trust and be safe with. So this is an interesting combination. You're not an easy combination if I say so because you, you want a little danger, a little excitement, a little like chase. But at the end of the day, you don't want to be hurt and you don't want somebody to be rough in a way that would leave any like marks. So you've got a tall order. That's your sex love.

Okay. That feels that.

And one more part.

This clarified it.

Yeah. Okay. You're an extremely loyal person. So the worst thing anyone could do, sex wise or love wise, is betray your trust or loyalty. Because when you give yourself to somebody, it is so solid. You're a solid human being. So that's.

Thank you. That feels really good. I would say that that is sexy kinky nest makers, please Apply. Yeah, no, that's. That makes so much sense to me. That's really resonates and it actually even clarifies many things.

How good. I'm glad I helped you right now.

So that. So that's a great. That's just from. So all. All Jen knows now there was. I gave her my birth date, time of birth, and where I was born, what city, which is Detroit. And that's what she sees from that. Yeah.

And that's very spot on.

So spot on. Like I.

Very spot on.

Just my whole entire world just became clear, especially my sex life. So. Yeah. Variety. And this is what I tell all of you. We all. And we all crave a little bit of this. Right? Like. Right.

You crave more than. Which is why you do a sex show, because you're gonna learn stuff all the time and try it out.

Exactly. I have to. It's like my job. I gotta try out the whips tonight. What am I gonna do? It's my job. All right. Okay. So should we.

Yes.

You ready for our first call?

Yes. Let's get into it.

So excited.

So we're gonna talk to Catherine.

Katherine.

Mm.

Hey, Catherine. Thank you. To Emily. Thank you so much for sending in all the coordinates we need, which is your birth date, time of birth. And so I'm gonna turn this over to Dr. Jennifer Fried to kind of take over, and she's gonna confirm with you a few things.

So, J.

Katherine, welcome to the Sex with Emily show. We're excited. You're August 2, 1996, from Ohio, correct?

Yes.

Okay, great. So I'm going to just give you a snapshot, but first I want to know, do you have a quick question you'd like me to answer in this little time we have together?

Maybe.

I guess the question that maybe I have throw out there is, does it affect the kind of people I'm attracted to?

Does your chart affect the kind of people you're attracted to? Is that what you're asking?

Yes.

Okay. Yes, of course it does. Because how we're made up psychologically and cosmically predisposes us to be drawn to certain types of people. And that doesn't mean you have to choose those types you're drawn to. Because sometimes our picker is really off. And what we're wired to be attracted to may not be the best thing for us. So sometimes it takes some practice to decide between what our automatic chemistry maker is doing and choosing what's best for us. Does that make sense, Katherine?

Yeah, it does.

Okay, Catherine, so here's What I'm looking at with your sex love profile. Ready? So you're a Leo with a Pisces moon, and you therefore are very hot and fiery in your self identity. But what you need emotionally is incredible tenderness. And you need somebody that you can drop down into with them into an intimacy where you can be very soft and vulnerable. So you have a combination right there of fire and water. So that's steamy at its best, but when it isn't skillful, you can feel easily hurt because people misunderstand the fiery nature. And underneath that very sensitive water nature, the next piece for you is that you have Venus in Gemini, which is what you're attracted to and drawn to. So you're drawn to very witty, clever, knowledgeable people that are very freedom oriented. And that's great, except for you have your mars in cancer, which is the way you want to go after things, and your sexual nature and a lot of your chart, even though you don't want it to be this way, wants to feel very deeply secure with people. So your sex life and your love life in this way have this inherent contradiction. You're drawn out to people that are very exciting and enticing, but what you need deep down is a lot of comfort and tenderness.

How's that sound, Katherine?

That sounds like spot on me, right?

She's good. She blows her mind.

Yes.

That's amazing.

So here's some direction for you because I can help coach you with this. So what you want to do is get some very close friends that meet those deep needs for stimulation, variety and interest. You also want to develop those parts of you that are extroverted and clever and witty and funny. Like, I would take a stand up class if I were you, because you've got a wicked good humor. And then you want to start picking for a partner that's much more about making you cozy and comfortable and having long, beautiful lovemaking in bed than somebody that you can barely hold on to the minute you've had sex. You really want to change your modality to look for somebody that's going to embrace you, hold you and be tender with you, and get your excitement like that craving for excitement and variety. Do it more with friendships or with masturbation fantasies. I would just say keep the person that you're going to be with much more of a steady person than somebody where you're always second guessing them.

Mm.

Wow.

Does that make sense? I love what you just said there.

It does?

Yeah. Okay, Catherine, do you have any more questions on it?

No, I think that's that's pretty awesome. I mean, I've. She pretty much described the first time, and then the advice sounds pretty good. I'm definitely gonna have to try that. I have a couple friends since I moved from home and live in Texas now that are real close, so it makes sense. And that's really cool that that stuff can.

Yeah, it's in the snapshot. Yeah, I think so, too. What I love there is that you said that sometimes what we crave in relationships, we can get met by our other people, our friends. Like, you might be attracted to men who are stimulating in all these things, but that's not actually what you need. So we can't get our needs met elsewhere.

Yeah. Let me give you a quick example. I have a part of my chart where I'm super drawn to writers and intellectuals. So I went through, like, three different partners that were all the craziest, nuttiest, smartest writers ever. And they were horrible for me. And no disrespect to them, I was probably not good for them either. Then I went, hmm, I'm really drawn to writers. Maybe I should write. And then once I started writing, like, I took that on, then I could find a partner that didn't need to do that for me. I had it. And so then I could pick differently.

That's so helpful.

So you go with that, Kathy. You go do stand up comedy.

Go do it, Kathryn. We can't wait to hear about it. Thank you, Katherine.

Yeah.

Yep. Thank you.

Okay, thanks for calling in. That was great. That's some good stuff. Hopefully it sounds like it. We don't even. This is what I'm telling people. She just did mine. You see it all. Everything you said was. Was accurate for me and for Catherine. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break and we come back. We're still reading your birth charts with Dr. Jen Free.

So should we keep going here? Let's try Shelby. Hey, Shelby. Welcome to the show. I'm so glad you. You wrote in. So I'm just gonna toss you over to Dr. Jen Fried.

Shelby, great. How brave of you to do this today. What's a quick question that prompted this call?

Oh.

Well, I. I don't know. I've been kind of doing my own, like, spiritual journey kind of thing and then trying to get into, I guess, like, divine feminine stuff and coming into self love stuff. So I was just interested. And it's not really a question, it's just kind of like, I guess, guidance along that.

Okay, well, you're right on target. So for Your love sex profile. The thing that jumps out for me about your chart is you have what's called Moon and Chiron in Leo, which means you have a very deep wound from ancestors about the feminine. And this lifetime, you are here to heal that by unconditional self love. That's what you're here for. So for sex and love with anyone else, they have to understand that they are worshipping a goddess. And you may not accept anything other than true adoration from partner. Doesn't mean you don't have problems and you get into routines. But at the core, for you to be sexually and emotionally happy, they have to understand that you are an empress, you're a goddess, and in order to love you is to serve your highest good. So that's one part of your chart. The other is you have Venus and Pluto in Scorpio. Nothing is more intense than that. So when you have Venus and Pluto in Scorpio, you want to go deeper than the deepest dive with another human being. And whether it's sex, emotions like, please do not have anything superficial cross your path because you will eat them alive.

Okay, we're good so far.

Yeah.

I can hear you laughing. I could hear her going, oh, yeah.

And then you have Mercury and Mars and Sagittarius. And so Mercury is how you think Mars is your sex drive and how you operate. And Mercury, Mars, and Sagittarius, girl, you want every adventure under the sun. So now when we're looking at the snapshot, it's like, love me like a goddess, go deeper than I could possibly imagine, and take me on every adventure you've ever thought of. And then we're good. And so in order to appreciate the divine feminine, what we're really appreciating is that the feminine is everything and everywhere. And that if we're really in our sacred remembering, every aspect of our body, every aspect of aging and different shapes is all gorgeous. So you need to be with a partner that gets that, practices that with you. How's that sound, Shelby?

That sounds like a lot of stuff, but that sounds great.

Yeah. You're not a simple person here. I mean, this is not a chart of somebody that's like, what you see is what you get. It's kind of like, whoa, girl, what did we get into with you? It's a lot. You got a lot going on. Yeah.

Does that resonate with you, Shelby?

Yeah, it does.

Okay, cool. All right, Shelby, thanks for calling in.

Thank you.

Appreciate it.

Wow.

There's a lot you can tell by this.

There's a Lot. And then it is sometimes mind blowing because we are complex creatures and what a lot of media. And they don't mean to be. The superficial tries to give you like a one word phrase for yourself and it's not really true. And then you don't feel seen.

Right.

And astrology has so many different aspects to it that it's so complex. You could look at one person's chart for their entire life and never get to the bottom of it. Because we are that complex.

We are that complex. And I think it's interesting, too, that a lot of us are just stuck on what, like, my sun sign is. I'm a Gemini. I didn't realize all this stuff about Taurus, the sun and the rising, and it's fascinating. Okay, should we call Jessica?

Yes, we should. And she is ready with her question.

All right. Hey, Jessica, it's Emily. Thank you so much for participating. And I'm going to toss you over to Dr. Jenfrey.

Hey, Jessica. So what delights you today? What do you want to ask me about so I can give you the most value for you right now?

I want to know the compatibility with my husband and my astrological friend with our sex life.

Wow. Okay. Well, I've got your full chart. I don't have your husband, but I can be psychic. What's his name and what's his birth date?

His name is Bill and his birthday is.

June 21, 1980.

Okay. And you've been together with him some time?

A lot of years.

I feel that, yeah. Okay, well, let's. This is more Emily's province than mine, actually. But I think any long term sex, love, relationship is an incredible confrontation with our own feelings of inadequacy and desire. Because let's face it, we can hardly stand to be with ourselves every day, exactly how we are, then we have to double that with another human being and put up with everything that they are each day, in and out. So to create a really spicy sex and love life with you and Bill, you're gonna have to be the initiator and take lots of risks. This is not a guy that you're gonna, like, get to just all of a sudden, wow, Bill's all exciting again. It's not gonna happen, so don't wait for that. It's gonna be you deciding to take enormous emotional and creative risks in the bedroom. And you're gonna basically, in a dominatrix kind of way, say to Bill, bill, this is what we need to do. And you're gonna benefit. All you have to do is say, yes to whatever I ask. I'll be providing the food, the lube, the whatever. Right, Emily?

Yeah, exactly. Jessica, how does it land with you?

That sounds about right. I've actually been trying to incorporate that a little bit more into our life. We've kind of hit one of those, like, valleys right now. So I'm trying to bring it back up to the peak. So that actually sounds pretty accurate.

That's good. So it sounds. So it's comfortable for you having to take the lead role in making change in the relationship and particular when it comes to the sex life, to your.

Sex life, it's becoming a little more comfortable. I mean, I'm definitely putting myself out there a little bit more, but the risk is worth the reward, so.

Well, yeah. And you guys have been together a long time, so now it's in a valley. And so. So I guess what I'm hearing from Jen, too is that, yeah, you could tell him all you want, but he's not going to be the one making the move. Like, you're going to have to bring the energy, you're going to have to make the plans. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to spice it up. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to make the effort, but he just won't. He can't. It's not in who he is. But you can be this writer in. In kind of re sparking and re energizing your sex life again.

And one thing I would suggest is I don't know if you do this currently, but I would definitely have you and Bill listen to Sex with Emily twice a week as a date night. Because I notice listening to it, I get more horny and stuff. Right? Isn't that what happens?

Listen to it all the time and they're like.

Yeah. So I think part of it is he needs to get his motor, you know, re energized and then you need more ideas and play and. Because I have a feeling this is, you know, my hunch that he really likes to eat. Does Bill like to eat?

Yeah, well, kind of, yeah.

Well, tell me about, like, do you cook for him or what's his.

Hi. I used to, but I work a lot of nights now, so he's done on his own with the kids.

Okay, well, see, this is what I see in your chart. It was probably a lot more sexy when you were cooking for him. So part of this is you guys have to have a food night and then bring the food into the bedroom according to your chart. I'm just Taking this from your chart, like, if you had some delicious, like, cake or something that you slathered on each other and licked it off. Something like that. Because you used to share this food love together. And then, of course, everyone gets busy and then whatever. But this is. Food is very sensual, and it's also goes back to mama in a very positive way. Like, we're being nurtured and fed. You and Bill need to come up with some sex food routine and then write to us what you figured out. Yes, we want to know.

Okay.

All right, Jessica. Okay. Does that sound good? All right, thanks, Jessica. Get back into the kitchen, I guess, for a little bit. Well, I like what you said there, because it's like she could be telling them all she wants what she needs, but then to actually demonstrate it by saying, this is what we're doing, and here's some of the toys in the lube. But then also, like, the sensory experience of tasting food together and listening to a podcast together is like, he can't just learn it by her talking. He needs to feel it and to awaken his senses through food, through touch, through listening, all these other experiences. So that makes sense. We all learn differently. So sometimes you just got to hit people at all angles to get them to wake up. Okay. Hey, Shawna, it's Emily. Thank you so much for calling in. Hi.

I'm so excited.

Oh, I'm so excited, too.

I'm a big fan.

Oh, thank you. I'm so glad you found the show. That makes me feel good, and I love hearing your voice because we don't get to talk. Well, we've got. I've got such a good treat for you today. You are going to love talking to Dr. Jennifer Fried. She's just blowing my mind and everyone else we've talked to. So enjoy this, and I'll be here after. Thank you. Okay.

Hi, beautiful. What's your question?

I guess I'm wondering what is my love life going to get back on track? I was dating a guy for the last year, and we broke up six weeks ago, and I'm kind of devastated about it, but. But I'm trying to move on, so I'm just. It was my first relationship after a divorce, and we were very compatible, and it was great, and. But so I'm just kind of curious, as if there's anything in my chart that would.

Yes, there is. Well, yes. Okay. So you're asking a very specific question. I have a really specific answer for you. You have what's called a Chiron transit to Mars. Which would, in anyone's life, create an opportunity to review a wounding to the masculine. And so in this case, this man could not quite meet you, and so he had to go away because he couldn't really match you. You're a tremendous human being. You're very giving. You're incredibly responsible. You've got a great outlook on life, and you're very sensual and grounded in your body. And I'm certain that you are an incredible lover. So the first thing I want to tell you is he needed to go away because he's not your match, even though he's the one that made the choice. Your chart really shows that things are going to get more abundant and better for you, and you're going to be with somebody that isn't scared of your power and your enormous appetite for sex and love.

Wow.

How does that hit you?

That's.

That's pretty cool.

Is that accurate? Does that feel accurate?

It does, yes.

Yeah, it's true. And I want to really reassure you that no matter who you were with right now, you would have to be reviewing this wound to the masculine. So all of us women have to appreciate how scared men can be of powerful women. Because the world is in such a state that men feel like, if a woman's that powerful, what's it mean about him? But what we have to really communicate to males is the more that you revere the power of women, the more energy you'll get from women and you will become even more productive and attractive. So we have to switch this paradigm of its.

Emasculating to be around women that are assertive and know themselves and all of that, because you're quite a catch.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah, that sounds really. I mean, I think that's so interesting here. The more we teach men how to revere women. So I'm. How do we teach them that?

Well, I think the first thing is that we need to just start raising young women and men to realize that feminine power has never been the problem. It's been the misuse of male power. So we want to share power. Women and men have to realize that a partnership community is the one in which everyone thrives. And we used to do it by very rigid sex roles. I'll be this, you'll be that, and that had a good order to it, but we've all grown beyond that. I mean, you still can play roles, but everybody wants to be home, whole, complete, into themselves and offer that. So we have to really reassure men that even as I'm this and I'm that whatever you bring to the table is fabulous. It's not measured against me because I have a strong voice or I'm assertive. It doesn't mean you can't be. It's like everybody can be their best self.

Right. Okay, that makes a lot of sense. How about Shauna feels good to you?

It does feel good. Yeah.

Great healing for your breakup. Okay, good. Will you just get out there and. And this wasn't the right one for you, but we feel like these. He's coming. And just keep doing your work.

I will.

Okay, thank you.

Thanks so much.

Bye. Good to talk to you. Okay, this is so interesting. So there is this thing, this. You're so right, Dr. Jennifer Fried, that there's like, oh, men are afraid of powerful women. Men are really intimidated. They can't handle it. And I've always thought, well, well, then I wouldn't be attracted to a guy.

That was that.

But the truth is, you can't really avoid it. Like, I'm at the point my life now where I. I have a lot of success. So unless I date a guy who's maybe been even more successful than me or just equally, it still is just intimidating because of part of our biology, the way we're wired. So is there any kind of extra work we need to do to, like, reassuring them, like, building their ego? Because what we're saying is we need you to revere us, but it can't be an absence of reverence to them.

Exactly. And you just really sparked something for me. I know a lot of men that don't subscribe to the, like, alpha male macho thing, and they are very happy being craftspeople or staying at home and doing more untraditional things. But they still get so much pushback from other men and women that make them feel or, you know, stimulate bad feelings in them. A feeling like they're not male enough or they're not ambitious enough. Well, you actually aren't going to have a great relationship with two people that are busy 60 hours a week. So a woman like you would do best, obviously, with a very secure male who isn't trying to compete with you on who's the most successful. They would have an internal sense of security based on just being a wonderful human being with their own gifts. But I think the biggest turnaround for me, and I've seen it, is when men get into men's groups and start debunking these myths of masculinity. Yes. Because the men have to do it for each other. We can reassure and we can encourage. But unless another guy turns to guy and says, hey, I think it's really cool that you make surfboards. Yeah, that's amazing.

Exactly.

Right?

Women get that, but men don't. And I have heard of more men's groups popping up. Is there a place that you would recommend men to go to find these groups?

Well, I think now, I don't know exactly, but I think on Google you just put in male consciousness, male consciousness raising. There's a lot of men doing wonderful men's work. There's one guy that's coming to mind, but nouns aren't easy for me. His name's Terry.

Okay.

I could look him up.

Yeah, no, I'm just wondering if that's a great. Just Google, literally, men's groups, men's consciousness, men's therapy groups. I know that doing group work around women was some of the best work I ever did. And I know that a lot of men who benefited from it as well. Such a good point. Okay, guys, thanks for listening, for sharing the show, for letting us know how you feel about it, what you want, sending your questions. I love you all and thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Kristen, Michelle, producer, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwith with emily.com.

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