#askacoach - Overcoming Perfectionism

On every Friday we do at 10 o' clock Pacific Standard Time to answer the questions you have either through comments, through the form that we have online, or any direct messages you guys have. So this week I'm spending a lot of time on one question that came up this week, and that is the question of any tips on how to overcome perfectionism and have something else that'll be coming out on this probably in a couple weeks that I did with a couple other awesome folks. But the main gist of the question is if you are holding back, trying to start something new, you know, maybe it's a new business, maybe it's a whole host of things, a new skill, maybe you're starting a new thing at your job and you're afraid to start because you don't think you're going to get 100% right is kind of the whole deal. And the phrase that I've been using recently that I really like is that perfectionism is just a fancy word for fear, right? Fear. That if we put ourselves out there on starting a new YouTube channel, on starting a new business, maybe a new endeavor, maybe you're a coach for the first time getting out there in the world that if you don't have everything 100% right, you're just going to fail. Right? And what do you are afraid of losing? Afraid of losing that, you know, face, you know, that you'll be judged for not nailing it right away. Which is kind of a crazy thought when you think about it, because what do you ever nail on the first try anyways, in. In life in general, right? You know, but you learned how to walk by falling a bunch of times. So we're afraid of that. We're afraid of losing money, we're afraid of losing a comfortable life. If we have a good job already, why would we start a business that risks everything? Right? All decent, logical questions, too. So if we think of perfectionism as just fear and we think of people overthinking things, trying to get things perfect before actually doing what you have is a nightmare scenario in your head that never sees the light of day. And I can speak that for myself because doing videos like this, trying to figure it out has been something I've had to overcome as an introvert where I don't really enjoy large groups of people. The idea of putting stuff out on the Internet for a while for me was pretty frightening, you know, just to kind of be that. That vulnerable. But eventually it came down to like, okay, done is better than perfect. And, you know, done gets Results and you get learnings, right? So in my, in my journey as a coach and trying some other businesses that required this type of, you know, talking to a camera either through zoom or for courses that, you know, you just have to say at some point, okay, I don't know what, I don't know. And probably making this way bigger in my head. And just by starting I can get the feedback and learnings that I need to be really successful and strong here, right? So it took the first like huge challenge I did was probably about five years ago now where I'm like, I'm going to do a video every week during the weekend and send it out to people that are on my email list, right? Super simple, super doable. And the first couple were just me basically saying, hi, I'm Sean, please don't pay attention that I look like a deer about to get hit, you know, during the headlights type thing. And okay, see you next week. You know, super humble, super small. But it helped me develop the skill of getting in front of the camera or cameras now and talking, you know, and not feeling so rigid, not feeling like I was holding back, not feeling like I was expressing myself. So that's the kind of, you know, way to start to get, get over imperfection is to like just remember that, you know, as you start to do, you're going to improve. And I think realizing that that's part of the journey, that you're going to stumble, it's going to be a hot mess, it's going to be not perfect, right? But it's going to be human, right? It's really going to be human as you advance in that. So super, super important there also like, so if perfectionism is just a fancy word for fear, you know, we talked a little bit about loss fear. You're going to lose reputation, you're going to lose financial, you're going to lose the comfortable life that maybe you already have. There's also a process, pain. So if the reason why you're saying, hey, this needs to be perfect is you're afraid that the work it's going to take to get it perfect, to get it excellent is going to be way greater than you're capable of. And that's a self esteem type thing. It's a self capacity, a self belief that you won't be able to cope with what it'll take to get the dang thing out there. And I think in my experience working with people, it's so much of just, it's not true. Like we make it to Be so much bigger, so much scarier, so much threatening, more threatening in our minds than when you do it. You're like, oh, okay, you know, and like, for example, having someone I had a mentor talking about recently that he was building a webpage, not really a tech guy, and he had to figure out how to do a web trigger thingamabig. And so it took him six hours of like staring at the computer, oh, I need to go make tea. Oh, I need to go do this. He wasted six hours. And when he finally said, okay, you know what, I'm gonna figure this out, he googled it. It took exactly less than 2 seconds to Google, how do I do a web hook on this webpage? The answer came up and in two minutes he was set. And he wasted six hours of his life in productivity trying to figure out this one, like literally 30 second thing if he just searched and had done it. And so the process of having to do that was built up in his mind way too much for him to actually implement and get into action. And then it's like, why did I wait six hours to do that? Right? I'm not sure if you've ever had that type of experience either in tech or maybe had had a conversation with a co worker or loved one, whatever that is for you. You know, it fits in different situations. The third type of fear that people have is outcome. Right? If I do this and it doesn't measure up to my expectation, I'm going to be disappointed in myself, I'm going to not enjoy the benefits of it quite a bit. And, you know, there it's more of you've lost vision for what could happen if you were successful, or the vision of what would happen if you were 50% successful, or you're missing out on what happens to your life if you don't do it at all. You know, so those are kind of different ways to attack. Like, what do you gain from the situation? And we talk about this concept of the three fears and high performance a bunch. If you've been with me for a while, you've probably heard me talk about it before. But applying it to how do I get started, how do I get out of my head, how do I get moving forward, how do I get, you know, momentum again in my life? It's a really good tool for overcoming that perfectionism and just feeling more confident too. Like sometimes if you don't feel confident, it's either because you're afraid or it's a belief thing about yourself and your own capability. And again, if that's you, you just have to start. You just have to get moving forward. You just need to get a little bit momentum and things will turn out better than you think, in my casual observation as a coach. So I hope you love hearing about this question. As always, you can go to SeanButner.com ask to submit your questions for next Friday. Or, you know, comment below or direct message me, whichever you would prefer. I can handle all of those things because I am confident and capable with technology. So hope that was helpful. See you guys on Monday. Probably a little bit earlier with start your day with the coach. Got some big meetings on Monday, so I'll see you probably about 8 o' clock next Monday. Go out there, live with more joy, more personal growth, and more impact in your community. Today.