Influence Is Being In Community!

People are persuading and influencing each other all the time. It could be trying to get your kids to pick up after themselves, or convincing your spouse to try a new restaurant, or getting your patient to exercise more, or giving advice on which college to go to, a young person that you work with or your kids. So many people feel so gross when it comes to persuading others because they think it's about trying to get people to do something that they don't want to do or that kind of like slimy car salesperson. But truthfully, influencing is just another form of feeling and community. Start your week. Great. Start your week with a coach. I'm your host, certified high performance coach Sean Butner, and we're going to talk about something that'll help you advance in your life this week. So let's go. And what do I mean by that? It's that you know, most people. When you ask them who are the three most influential people in your life? They'll probably list family members or they'll list close friends, maybe some mentors that they developed, you know, relationships with over their lives. And, you know, in high school, you know, your friends tend to be a huge amount of that influencing factor in your life and vice versa. And, you know, because a lot of times with family and friends, it's all about proximity. We know that from sociology. And the people you spend the most amount of time with are the people that tend to influence you the most. And for introverts, even more. So the types of folks like me who tend to really want to have high quality conversations or open up to people when they're a little bit more comfortable having those close family and friend relationships are highly important. And also that sense of working things through together. And so it's so important to be cultivating that all the time. So we're talking about influence, we're talking about why it's important. You know, like for me, why do I do these videos that you're here watching? It's because I'm trying to influence you to be a higher performer, right? Because I'm a high performance coach. That's my job is to push you into your full potential, push you into beating whatever normal in your life so that you can consistently improve without burning out, without hurting your health and relationships. And I love doing that work, right? So I have that passion behind it. I have that good intention behind it. And for the folks that are ready for a life transformation, a work transformation, you know, I can help them with the high performance process reach that higher level of performance, of effectiveness, of feeling confident, feeling joyful, feeling present in their lives that, you know, high performance aims to get you. So if again, we take a look at those top three people that have really been influential in your lives, you know, who would they be? You know, take a quick minute right here to. To really brainstorm, like, you know, who really did, you know, inspire how you think about things or challenged you to be your best or showed you the way? Because I'd imagine if after you take this list, you would find that all three of those components are common in how you view the most influential people in your life. Right? And so, you know, we use this in our persuasion model when we talk about high performance coaching because, you know, when you're teaching someone how to think, you're thinking teachers, professors, parents, you know, mentors, you're thinking coaches. You know, a lot of times can help show us how to see the world, right? It's, I think, why a lot of times science is such an important thing because it shifts how you think about the world. You have understanding on the rules and how things operate in the natural world, and that can be really helpful. But, you know, that's also why I think authors or, you know, a lot of times cultural things really inform us on how we show up in the world. But that's probably another topic for another time. But, you know, so it's important when you're thinking about the people that you influence in your life, because like I said, it influences the community. It's a feeling of being in community. You know, when you can give your best friend some good advice. When you're walking out of the golf course in high school or whatever, that means something, right? And it's building those relationships that kind of make life fun and exciting and have that extra spice. So when you tell people how to think, it's not like, think like this or not like this. It's also with this caveat of you're exploring it from a perspective. And the more perspectives you can take a look at an argument from or a situation from, the more informational you're gonna be, right? So I can, like, from my life, there's. Years ago, I had a friend who was talking about his dad and how he found out that when he was really young that his dad had, like, cheated on his mom, which is a really big thing. And, you know, he was really upset about it, even though it had happened years and years and years ago, which is awesome. Not awesome, but, like, then he's like, I don't. You Know, how could I. I don't even know how to think through this. And, you know, so there's the. When we were talking about it, I remember going through, like, you know, there's this lens of what happened was bad. Right? So that. That is one way and, you know, morally, spiritually, there's a lot of different angles on why that's bad. On a perspective of what was good about it is that was a very vulnerable thing for his dad to share with him. And he's like, he trusts. He trusts you, and he had this thing he wanted to share with you. And it's because, you know, he's probably not really proud of that. But it's also, you know, he's building that relation. He want. He reached out because he thought he could handle it. And it was a, hey, all my cards are on the table. I'm vulnerable. Whatever's going to happen is going to happen. And that little caveat kind of helped him through, think through that, even though he was really disappointed and hurt and all those other feelings. But, you know, coming up with those other perspectives can be really, really impactful on, like, you know, what was the intention behind that particular situation or any situation, or, you know, what are some objective perspectives that I could look at this from that might give me a little bit different insight or make me feel a little bit more okay, right. Or find a little bit more nuance. Like, nuance. I think that's really, really important. So teach people how to think by exploring perspectives and different perspectives and being that kind of objective person who can say, okay, like, yeah, that's really emotionally packed. But have you thought of it from this angle? Or what are some other ways that this could really, like, factor into. It's really good. So second thing that, you know, people in our community should be doing more, especially if you want that influence. And that feeling of being in community is challenging us. Right. It's no coincidence that when you take a look at NFL players, they tend to be in clumps, right? So they went to the same high schools or, you know, there's usually like less than 1% of the population in the US goes into the NFL. But when you take a look at, you know, where people actually come from, you'll find that, like, four or five will come from the same high school in the same type of year. And part of that is when you work hard, you inspire, and that's a little bit more role modeling. But I also think that when you see that somebody can do it, you have more resolve to See it through. But they also challenge you, right? So if, you know someone can run a under 3 minute mile and you see how hard they're working and you're like, okay, I need to level up. I can probably instead of taking this next a couple of days off because I feel like I need rest. I know if I push myself like them, if I challenge myself like them, then I will step up. And so I think, you know, in relationships it's, you know, my parents always telling me and my brother to whatever you do, just do your best, right? And if your best is at school a C, like that's fine, right? It's not the end of the world as long as you tried your hardest, right? You'll learn more trying to push the edge of your skills than just trying to coast, right? And that is something that served me really well in my tech career. I served my brother really well in his career and in life in general, I would say. But it's that challenge of the challenge there was always do your best. And there are times that I did not want to do my best or I was like, ah, this is, this is a lot. But you step up when you need to step up. You step up when somebody issues that to you. So you know, who has challenged you in the last week, in the last month in a way that you responded. Not like, because there's people that are bullies, I guess is another way to do it if you go overboard. But you know, that have been like, hey, you could have done better there, like, come on, step up. And that kind of like cheerleading and challenging role. I think that's really important. The third thing is, you know, role modeling the way, right? If, like I said in the NFL example, if you see someone that is the best on the team and you want to be the best on the team, that's going to help you rise up to the challenge. But you're also going to be noticing what they're doing differently from everyone else. So I think this one is lost a lot. It's really important. It's one of my favorite ones because as we've done the pandemic for the last two years, people have really lost patience with one another. People forget that how you treat other people out in the world, like that's influencing your kids, it's influencing your spouse, it's influencing your friends. And you know, when you get cruddy with people for petty things, it makes you look kind of bad, number one. But number two, you're not role modeling like that. Calm, collected, Just being kind and realizing other people's humanity on the world. You think it's like a tech thing, just a screen and there's no repercussions for what you say or what you do. And often there are. But more importantly, you're showing and teaching other people how to be in the world. And so that's a little, I'll get off my soapbox on that. But, you know, here's a better question for you. Like, who do you need to be on your A game for in your life and how are you modeling that? You know, have you ever thought about it that way? Like, I love this question because, you know, who do you need to step up for and you know, really exemplify how to behave to other human beings, how to, you know, be around other human beings, how to communicate, how to, you know, live your life and what do you do? How are you actually showing up in your life? And if that does not get you to really be thinking about, huh, like, I could have, could have been nicer to the waitress or I could have been nicer to my wife. And the kids will now respond in kind because that's an easy example. I think that's a really powerful thing. So, you know, when we realize that most people have these three things in common coupled with the idea that influence is this idea of being in community with one another. Because as much as, you know, you get influenced by these three topics that I shared, you know, from the science, you know, being able to do that with others too is really going to help you feel connected. It's going to help you feel excited for the future. It's going to help you, you know, really amplify the good that you put out in the world, right? Whether you're using these with people at work or at home, in your family or in your friend groups or whatnot, you know, because ultimately too, like as an introvert, our superpower is engaging one on one with folks or in small groups, you know, to lead more effectively. And you know, when we can lead more effectively, you know, we are growing our tribe, we're growing our community and that that's such a basic thing that people need. So be in community, be influencing other people thinking about or think about how you get influenced by other people. Do it for good and not evil, of course. And I hope that you liked the end of the high performing introvert series. Real quick, before I go. If you are looking to really break through in your life, whether career wise, you have something in your life you want to transform and you feel stuck, right? You don't know what the next steps are. You don't know really how to, you know, keep motivated or disciplined or maybe have some mindsets that really aren't helping you reach that next level. I encourage you that below this video and the blog, there's a link to my six secrets for highly performing introverts. There's a video I'll give you six habits that are really helpful and actionable in that video. But more importantly, below on that page is an opportunity to apply for a 60 minute strategy session with me. And what that strategy session does after you fill out the application is, you know, we get to focus in on a couple areas in your life that you'd love to transform or improve and we come up with a plan for you that is actionable. At the end of that and then at the end of the call, if you liked the plan that we came up with, you think that we can work together. I think we can work together. So we both kind of meet on that, then we go and we talk about coaching. But ultimately that call is first and foremost about developing a plan for you to go out there and crush it, to transform, to grow, to get ahead, to get moving again, guys. So hope you take me up on that. Just check the link below this video for the six secrets of highly performing introverts. Love to see you there. Love to serve you on that strategy call. And we'll be back next week with a new series of how to perform out in the world even more so that said, this is Sean Butter signing off live with more joy, more personal growth, more impacting your communities. We'll see you next week.