Reset: Decompress Your Body and Mind

Decompression and relaxation is a skill, and it's not something that we do, but a philosophy that we embody in order to show up as our best selves. Hey, everyone, this is Coach Sean, and this is my weekly coaching blog where we share ideas to help you live into your full potential, full level of happiness, and full level of impact out in the world. Now, today we'll be talking about how to reset, you know, how to decompress your body, how to decompress your mind. And with the leading thought that this is a skill, right? This is something that we have to practice continually. It's not something that we can do once. Like, one trip to Cancun is not going to decompress and have a consistent level of calm, of collectedness, of peace in our lives, right? It really is a practice, and there's multiple angles of it that really help us settle down. And I know that this is true because my journey as someone that's a little bit more introverted and has some social anxiety at a very general level, and I struggled with that for most of my life. You know, part of that is not really feeling like you are centered or that there's a lot going on under the surface that's chaotic. Whether, you know, for me, it was worrying about student loans, it was worrying about what bills to pay. I was worrying about, you know, was I a failure for not having a great life after college, right? So I followed the formula of go to school, get a good job, everything works out afterwards. And it turns out that that's not the formula for success. And so with tons of student loans and tons of responsibilities and, you know, really feeling like, well, I did what I was supposed to do and it didn't lead to success shook me, Right? And it was depressing. I. I thought that I had done something wrong. I internalized it. And so most days, going throughout the workday, you know, trying to be positive and happy, but at the end of the day, like, going home and just really not wanting to do anything because I was just so. There's so much pressure, right? There's so much stress that comes along with unsure finances and not knowing what your future held or think. Like, I remember thinking, too, like, the work that I'm doing doesn't even matter. Like, I'm stressed out, and this isn't making an impact in the way that I wanted to, but. And that's a really dark place to be. It's really a great recipe for misery. And, you know, there's only so long that you can stay there before you break or burn out. And I felt like I was burning out. But being a nerd, I realized that it's also a problem that you can research. And so I went at it. I started to engage mentors at the place I was working, the first job outside of college. I started reading about personal finance, stumbled on personal development, and, you know, started to go to seminars, taking trainings on time management at work and personal development outside of work, and found a mentor who asked me one of the most outrageous questions. And that is, are you living your truth? And I love this question. And it floored me when, you know, I was in the seminar hall, you know. Yes. And I nearly fell out of my chair because I didn't like the answer, because I didn't feel the way that I wanted to feel after college, you know, being. I wanted to feel successful. I wanted to feel stable. I wanted to feel like I was making a difference. And I didn't feel any of that. Right? So that part of my truth wasn't out in the world, Right? So that was causing a lot of stress. I would wake up constantly and feel like I wasn't making a difference. Like, sometimes I was doing busy work or work that really didn't matter. Just, you know, there's some stuff that was arguably didn't even need to get done at that point in my career. And it's like, why am I doing this? Why. Why is this my life? And when I sat and really, you know, felt through that question, you know, and I encourage you to grab a journal and write, are you living your truth right now? And are you. Do you feel the way that you want? Are you at the point in your career that you want to be? Are you having the impact and legacy that you want? Are you really living your best life, the life that you really authentically want for yourself? And to be honest with that and that, listen, that can be really hard. But it's also the point where if you're not happy with that, it'll switch and you can start making moves and to live more into that authentic life. And if you are happy with it, you can take that feeling and success and that authenticity into that next level where you can live that even more with greater impact, with greater sense of joy, with a greater sense of self in your life. So what does that story have anything to do with resetting and decompressing your body and mind? Well, it's. If you've ever had that. That feeling that you're not, you know, at the point in your life where you want, you're not getting the progress that you want in your life, there's a lot of stress that gets built up. And so the first part for me when I was asked that question, are you living a truth? And I wasn't happy with it, is, you know, there's a lot that I needed to let go of, you know, mindset wise, physically, like you don't. I didn't realize how much, how tense I was, you know, until I started to do the work, to kind of unpack it and let go of stuff. And I think November, when I'm recording this is a really great time to be letting go of things that don't serve us anymore. And we talked about that in our last video, which you go check out, like giving yourself some grace there to let go of things that don't serve you anymore. But, you know, when we need to reset, right, It's a struggle, right? We have stories that we've told ourselves that don't serve us anymore. And so what stories are you telling yourself that you need to let go of or that you need to change? Right? You know, and for me, like, realizing I was not living the truth, that I wanted the authentic life that I wanted with the impact that I wanted, you know, part of that reset is being like, okay, like, not this anymore. What do I have to do to change that decision, to transform that decision, to make a big stride in my life changed everything for me, right? That one question with that one commitment to change allowed me to shift where I was in my job into a place where I felt like I had a little bit more impact, to ultimately leave that job and start a business and helping people figure out their student debt. And when that failed, being able to find my dream job working at Apple as a software engineer, it's a crazy path, right? Software engineer starting a business that failed back to software engineer. But I needed to let go of I was doing what I was supposed to do and start to believe that I needed to make moves to get to where I wanted to be, right? And that's a huge shift that I think the sooner you realize, if you've realized that, the shift already that you can make moves to be where you want to be versus doing what you're supposed to do. Most people have a story around that on why they're successful is when they're like, okay, I went after something that I truly wanted for myself and for my family and for my community versus this is something I was supposed to do to facilitate the Happiness, like everyone has that story. If you figured it out, and if you haven't, it's really refreshing to know that you can make that decision. So if you are part of that ladder group that are just like, this is a new idea for you, I'm cheering you on as your coach. I've been there. There are so many other folks that have been there also, so you know it's doable. And I just want to encourage you to take that step, to really do the work and think through that. So part of reciting that is getting clarity on what you really want, building a plan on how to get there, and dealing with the emotional roller coaster that that ensues. Right? Because if you're not happy with where you're at in your life, there's. You have to unpack all that so that you don't, like so many people, will hold on to those emotions and it prevents them from having the motivation to change. Right. Because sometimes there's comfort in knowing how you feel. Right. It's kind of a weird thing, but I know that I feel miserable, but I know how this works. It's comfortable in a weird way, so why would I change? And so it's okay to feel miserable, but I know because I know and familiar with how this part of my life works or part of my career works or whatnot. And so letting go of that and being like, oh, there's a different quality of life out there for me. There's a different quality of life out there for you. And it comes with emotional freedom. It comes with that agency and that feeling, that excitement of directing your life in the way you want to go. So here are five things to help you with your reset once you've made that decision for yourself, or to double down on it if you've already made it, right? So here we go. The first thing that helps people, and a lot of people talk about meditation, but it is such a good way to clear your mind so that you can start to think about things with a fresh perspective, right. Without all the emotional stuff that happens with all the responsibilities and all the things that tend to drag people down. So, you know, it's really, really easy to do. I have a video on meditation. I'll link below this video. A 20 minute guided meditation. You could do it in as little as two minutes. We call it the release meditation. So not. Not really, like, rooted in any type of spirituality. So it's for everyone. You could replace it with your favorite prayer or favorite mantra or whatnot, but that's A really good starting point to just get clear. And we've seen through science that regular meditation has a positive impact on your brain. You can see it in brain scans and whatnot. So. And it's just quieting things down, right? So sometimes we have all these thoughts and feelings that are kind of always going that, that we don't realize how it feels when all that kind of like drifts away. And that's the power meditation. It's always super surprising when I work with clients and we talk about meditation, how even a two minute of just, you know, sitting up, taking deep breaths and saying release over and over again to release stress and thoughts and feelings, how much that impacts their day. So definitely want to give meditation a try again. I'll have a video linked to a 20 minute version that you can adjust to however long you have of the release meditation below in the show notes here. Second thing that most people in personal development would recommend but journaling, right? And it is a great way to get everything in your head out. And so I remember at that job when I was feeling super stressed with finances and not feeling like I was making a good impact doing great work, but like, it just didn't feel like it was helping the world at all. I would wake up and kind of in my head, unbeknownst to me, until I started to notice, I'd say, I hate my job, I hate my job, I hate my job. In journaling, I was able to recognize it. So I started just dumping out what I was thinking. I'm like, I hate my job. I hate my job. And I'm like, why am I repeating this? This isn't really helpful. And so I switched the wording to be I don't love my job yet. Right? And the power of that little shift is it got my brain, instead of focusing on what I didn't like about what was going on, it was, what could I like about it? Or how could I shift my situation to be something that I loved? And that after, you know, every time I. I would kind of get in the thought pattern, I write it out and I'd shift it on the page so I might write I hate my job like a hundred times. And I'm like, okay, I'm gonna write I don't love my job yet a hundred times just to kind of overwrite that with something a little bit more positive. And it melted so much stress for my life. Just that little mind shift of I don't love my job yet. So that could be a really good journaling exercise. But like, honestly, the components I think of journaling that are really powerful are what's going on in your mind and what do you need to tweak to be a little bit more helpful. And you can't always do that or catch yourself while you're thinking in the moment, but you can definitely do that. When you write it out, you're like, oh, like, is that really what I'm thinking? It's time to change. So that's something that's really, I think, powerful. Just the brain dump onto a piece of paper itself feels really cathartic. But then being able to be like, oh, I have these thought patterns I need to change is super powerful. So I recommend you do that. Journaling exercise, if you're looking to reset your mindset over to fixing and resetting your body, like, exercise is a great way to reset how your physicality is. Right. And so during that time, I talk about this a lot, but I was so stressed out and miserable. I signed up for a marathon being not able to run for 15 minutes in a row. So that's how stressed out I was and how willing, you know, I was to try something completely crazy and insane. Because running 26.2 miles is incredibly nuts. So but I signed up for it and through training for it and running miles and miles and miles, what I found is like, when your body is stressed, you know, there's some physical components where your body tenses up that you can kind of work through some of that charged feeling and your body will naturally loosen up after a while. So there's like this mind body connection. But it also, with that stress melting away, allowed me to think through a lot more how to like, get out of my, my student debt or how I was going to change my life. There's a lot of thinking to, you know, take my mind off of, you know, you're running and that hurts after, you know, 12 miles. That kind of is painful at a time. But, you know, after, you know, just that that's time to reflect on, on your life, to kind of work through and work out those emotions was way more valuable than I thought. And of course that's why everyone should exercise or, you know, have that as a regular practice if you don't already. Right. And of course, before you start anything new health wise, make sure you talk to your health professionals. I'm not a doctor or anything like that, so just throwing that out there. So the fourth thing to do to reset and sometimes it, we have to remember that we're role models for everyone. Else around and everyone in today's world is watching us. So who do you need to role model for, be a great example for or how do you want to live in the world and kind of show that off through your actions is something that can be really great at helping you reset. Because when, you know, I had, later on in my career in tech, I had someone that thought it was awesome to, when they were angry to just come in your office and scream at you. And so in a moment where this guy is cursing me out in my office for whatever reason, it was something stupid. Realizing that I could have matched that energy and probably gotten into a fist fight with him. And that would have been pretty bad for everyone involved. Or role modeling, keeping my head cool of being like, okay, like we should talk this through. Let's go get our manager, let's go get somebody else to mediate because this is really intense and that, that's, you know, de escalate here before somebody does something that they absolutely, you know, regret. And, and so in that tense moment that, that what prevented my anger from spilling over and getting back in that guy's face was I don't want to have a team where we're screaming at each other and that's normalized, right? So let's do something about that and role model the way out of being calm, cool and like, let's, let's work this out. They're talking with the third person. So that helped reset that, that sense of anger, that sense of wanting to fight in that particular moment into, okay, I'm role modeling. I'm the example I want to be, right? So I won't spin on that anymore. Before we go, I want to let you guys know that I'm also the host of a podcast called the Meaningful Revolution. And this Friday on November 18, 2022, at 9 o' clock in the morning Pacific time, I'm going to be going live to deep dive into what is the meaningful revolution. What are the common components if you need to have some dramatic change in your life? Because that's what the meaningful revolution really is. Like real quick, it's meaningful. It's something. It's doing the things you find fulfilling or being in the relationships you find, you know, really loving and things that bring you joy. The revolution is having a dramatic change in your life. And anyone can have their personal revolution. And so that's what we're going to talk about in this free training on November 18, 2022. So if you're interested, sign up below. There's a Link again in the show notes for that. If you're into that, we'd love to have you again. It's free, so it'll be about an hour. There'll be some question and answers, maybe some prizes. So you don't want to miss out. Make sure you sign up today. So. All right. That said, now the final thing to think through when you need to reset your mind and body is the kind of impact you want in the world. Because sometimes when we're in it in the day to day, like stresses, like obligations, the things that we have to do, the things that we want to do, we can lose ourselves in that work. And so when we're thinking about our impact or our legacy or the story we want to tell our kids in the future, when it comes to a big decision, you know that, that reset of I could feel really anxious about quitting my job. But the story I want to tell my kids in the future is when dad was faced with, I didn't like where my life was and I had a choice to do something about it or not. I want the story and to be the hero of that story of saying I went and chose to change because things weren't working for me. And that's a really valuable lesson that everyone you know can learn, should, should know. I think it would help a lot more people if they knew that. And, and so that's what I did right when I ended up leaving that first job, it was, this isn't working for me. I've tried this for five years, trying to make it work inside, thinking it was me. But maybe it was, wasn't me. And maybe honestly it was the choices that I made to get me to that point. But I can make different choices. Anyone can make different choices in their life. And so the impact that I wanted to have my future kids on by impact and contribution to the world were not going to be found in what I was doing at the time. I needed to do something different. And so that motivated me to change and helped me shift into again, leaving that job, starting a business that I thought was. But it felt great and felt fulfilling and I learned a ton from that which helped me get the job at Apple eventually. So you never know how things are connected, looking while you're in it, but looking back, you can definitely see the through line. So that's. Those are the five things that I constantly talk about on when you need to reset, when you need to decompress your mind and your body. So if you want to check out last month or week's video. It's right over there talking about how to let go, things that aren't serving you anymore. People really were loving it. I got a lot of really good response from it. So check that out. And we'll see you guys next week. So take care.