Speak Up, In Service

It can be really hard to speak up in a group, whether that's a large group where there's somebody that's always talking or someone that's talking over people or doesn't let up space for someone to speak up. It could be just, you know, you're always trying to process things and, you know, conversations gone by 15 minutes. As you're achieving on your point, you have a really good point, but you can't get back to where the conversation was. And in groups, it's an opportunity for leadership. Right? Start your week. Great. Start your week with a coach. I'm your host, certified high performance coach Sean Butner. And we're going to talk about something that will help you advance in your life this week. So let's go. We need more introverted leaders in the world. Why? Because sometimes it's really hard to speak, speak up in a group. And if you've ever been someone that's a little bit more quiet or reserved, you know, when you're in a group situation, it's really hard to interrupt somebody. It's really hard to be the person that can find the space to make your point right before the conversation moves on. Or maybe you're so stuck in your head processing stuff that by the time you come to a good conclusion that would be helpful to share, the conversation's already moved on. And, and so then you're like, well, now what do I do? So the opportunity for leadership here is there are so many people like me or like us, if you identify as introverted, who really are looking for leadership in giving people space to talk, noticing when they're being quiet and pulling them into the conversation and when we can be the leader actually to notice that, to bring people on, that's when we have more high functioning teams. That's when we can get more productivity. That's when we get noticed in the office as someone that should be in the leadership position. So that's why this is really important. So let me give you an example. So years ago I was working on a project in logistics for Walmart and this was one of those kind of crazy big meetings where there's like 30 different stakeholders of like, you know, business folks, technical folks, two different consulting groups, an international group, more than one international group, project managers on all sides. And so we had a bunch of stakeholders, operators, and you know, we're talking about this receiving process and one of the consultants and one of the business people are kind of getting into an argument and they've been dominating the conversation the whole time. And I'm looking around the room, playing my favorite game, which is who's being the most quiet right now, who's being the most loudest, who is paying attention, who's not paying attention. Just kind of doing a passive observation thing. And I noticed that one of the gentlemen who's also named Shawn is sitting there red faced, arms crossed, you know, keep trying, keeps trying to say something. Nobody hears him. And so he could see him get redder and kind of clamp down. And I'm like, okay, that's pretty interesting. And so this conversation is going on, you know, everyone's kind of focused on it. It goes on for like five minutes. And I interrupt and I say, hey, guys, I think Sean has something to say on this. That's here. Let's give him like a moment, right? And so Sean goes on and goes, hey, you guys are arguing on something that's completely irrelevant. Here's what we need to focus on. Here's why. Because when we do this on the floor in the warehouse, this is how it's going to work. And everyone's like, oh, okay. And we saved a lot of time, we saved a lot of energy, we saved a lot of arguing and people kind of checking out because we got the right person to present the right information, right? And so that's the power of introverted leadership. It's noticing that group dynamic and creating the space for people to be heard, to be seen and to get the information, the good ideas that they have. Because sometimes the quietest person in the group has the best idea served me over and over again in my career in tech and as a coach. So really taking all that, right? And if you want that to be that introverted leader or just a better leader in general, right, who is noticing those types of things, you know, you need to find that courage to speak up, that courage to interrupt, that courage to be in service. Because courage is speaking up in service. That's something I really do believe in. So if you're thinking like, how can I as someone that very. This was not very natural for me. How can I be someone that can interrupt very confidently and effectively in a meeting in order to help out my other introverted brethren? Well, I got four ideas for you on how to cultivate courage based on high performance so that you can be in a more effective introverted leader, okay? The first is to know the three fears, right? So sometimes we don't speak up, we don't speak out, we don't interrupt. We try not to rock the boat or take any Attention on. Because we're afraid of something, right? We're either afraid that the act of speaking up or the process of speaking up is going to get people angry at us. It's going to get people gunning, you know, actively trying to hurt our careers or our physical bodies. And so we don't speak up. But really when it comes to making sure that the project is the best, the product that we're doing is the best, the outcome that we're doing is the best, we need people to be speaking up when we need people to not be domineering the conversation all the time, if that's what you're observing. So you need to speak up when you feel like, hey, I'm going to put a target on my head. And I can say it can feel really unnatural. But if you can move through that uncomfortableness, you will be seen as a more of a leader. People will respect your opinion. And a lot of people aren't aware of what's going on around them. So if you can be the person that's like, hey, did you notice that this person's not talking? Let's hear about them. If you do that, enough people will be like, okay, one, we should start listening to it. And two, that person is covering us, right? Making sure we have all the ideas at hand. Okay? So that's process pain. The second type of fear that we talk about in high performance is when you speak up that it's going to end badly, right? So you don't speak up because nobody's gonna listen to you. You don't speak up because nobody is going to respect you or you're just gonna be told to shut up while the other, while the adults talk or whatever, right? And so again, process or outcome fear, or the next one that I'll talk about is loss. It's all comes down to why do you need to speak up? Why do you need all the different ideas? Why do you need to create that space for people that are a little bit more quiet in the workplace? And the answer is, ultimately, again, the quiet people tend to have really good ideas but don't get the chance to share them. So that's what you gain from it. So we have process pain, we have outcome pain. The last is loss pain. Again, you know, I just kind of gave away why we do this, but really quickly, loss pain is just giving up something. So maybe you're trying to fly for. Fly under the radar and you think that speaking up will get people to call on you more or to look to you more. And you're not comfortable being in the spotlight. And again, if you can help highlight the good ideas on your teams, in your families, with your friendships and groups and, you know, when you're networking, it'll serve you to just highlight how awesome you are. Okay, second thing, and I kind of highlighted on this too, is so if you know the three fears and you know why you need to overcome them in order to be a leader, right. The second thing is, especially as an introverted person, you know, social observation, right. You know, some extroverts, believe it or not, completely miss other people's cues or reading them or thinking like, what are they thinking right now? They just don't observe what's going on. They're so involved in, you know, talking and getting their ideas out and, you know, being part of the group that they don't see the forest. They don't see the trees in the forest. Right. They can only see the forest. So making sure for me, I called it my favorite game of who is the loudest, who is the quietest, who is the one kind of holding court or in charge. Informally, formally, these types of questions about what's going on in a group, team meeting or family dynamic can be really insightful on how to create space for other folks or the people you need to persuade in order to make a decision and get things moving forward. So I really recommend that. Okay, third thing. So first is know the three types of fears that prevent people from speaking up so that you can address them for yourself and then create space for others. The second is, you know, that social observation. You know, those questions when you're in a group that can help you get a little bit of insight or help you pull people into the conversation that need to. Third thing is again, to create space for others to breathe. Right? It is so we live in a society that is so focused on who's talking, who's doing the little TikTok dances, who's on social media, like you're maybe watching this or in the blog. And really it as much as that's outward energy, when you're in a group setting, it's really important to see who's getting equal time talking, who is, you know, contributing enough or who's engaged or not. Right. And just noticing that and calling it out can really shake people out of just going through the motions. One, but two, again, I'll hammer this point again, like you're giving up or you're leaving on the table. Some of the best ideas from people who don't want to Speak up. And then of course, the fourth point, when you need a little bit more courage to speak up, to create space for others to do that social observation, is to just focus on the mission at hand. You know, it's so much easier, again, to be in service and speak up than to be worried about your own anxiousness or worried about that really good point that you figured out 15 minutes ago when you should have said it is really relevant now. So it's really important to remind yourself, why are you there? And how can speaking up be in service to that mission, if that makes sense. So ultimately your leadership is in service to others. I keep saying that phrase, but it's so true. Especially when maybe you're someone that costs a lot of energy to interact, to be noticed, to be out in the open where you might be uncomfortable, you might be a little bit scared, you might be a little tired because meetings can be draining for you. But when it comes to taking bold action, to speaking up, to creating that space and to living into that idea that you are a leader, even if you're quiet, even if you don't want it, the world needs more thoughtful leaders and that could be you. So try out these ideas, right? You know, go through and think through. Am I not speaking up because I'm afraid somehow either process, outcome or loss, what type of social observations can I do in my next meeting? Or how can I create space for others to breathe or talk in a conversation next time you're in a big group? Or what is the purpose or mission for you being there to maybe help give you that extra motivation to do it? Because if you can speak up and create space, you'll be a better leader. So that's the blog for this week, guys. I hope you enjoyed this. Please let me know. Send me an email if you like this. If there's something that really spoke to you, there's another idea or something you wish I would have talked about, I'd love that feedback too. So please do that and we'll talk to you guys next week on start your week with the coach.