In this short coaching monologue, certified high‑performance coach Sean Buttner (host of “Start Your Day with the Coach”) explains why assuming that others have good intentions can prevent misreading texts and emails, reduce unnecessary conflict, and improve personal and professional relationships. He illustrates the point with a story from his time at Walmart Corporate where a colleague misinterpreted a contractor’s email as a criticism, only to discover it was a compliment once she paused and considered the intent. Buttner then outlines practical steps: adopt curiosity, give people the benefit of the doubt, recognize that others’ emotional states often stem from unrelated life stressors, and handle truly negative behavior without internalizing it. He emphasizes that this mindset fosters confidence, better leadership, and smoother interactions, concluding with a call to practice grace and curiosity in daily communication.
Chapters
Foreign. Good morning everyone. Welcome to start your day. Great. Start your day with the coach. I am your host, Sean Butner, certified high performance coach. And today we are talking about expecting the best of intentions from others. And, and really what this is about is have you ever like misread a text or email from someone? Maybe you read an email that sounded condescending and it made you really angry and you went to go yell at the person and you found out they're actually trying to compliment you. Or maybe you got mad at a family member, a friend or a partner for a text that seemed a little too short or a little too long or you know, this over analyzing of text because we don't have the full context. Now communication is imperfect at best and the richness of communication, you know being able to see somebody's face, to see their emotions, to hear their tonality can help prevent misunderstandings and you know, believing that others have the best intention intentions initially because I can hear everyone saying hey Sean, I know that some people are. And yeah, you're correct and we can talk about that here in a little second. But you know that initial go to response to the world, they have the best intentions for what they're trying to say, for what they're trying to do, can help you feel more positive, can help you prevent taking on the negative energy of other people and can help prevent you from damaging important professional and personal relationships. Because when you believe other people have the best intentions and you realize how much of their emotional state and expectations are attached to the meaning words and how you do the same thing and you also realize how often you don't have an impact on how other people feel. Right? There's a lot of stuff going on in other people's lives. You know, we have, you know, ups and downs, you know, family members getting sick. We have you know, tons and ton, like tons of tons of different scenarios that can impact how people communicate and how we feel about people communicating with us. And to illustrate this I'm going to tell you about a story of when I was working at Walmart Corporate I had a good friend and I'm like sitting in my office and she storms up and she is absolutely pissed like she is livid about cuz she got an email from one of the contractors that we were working with and it's this guy who like he's a contractor from India that spoke British English, right? And that's important because in the, the email he said your notes were very exhaustive and or exhausting or something to that Effect. And she's like, he was tired reading my notes. Like, I'm going to the manager. I'm going to get him fired. Like, she was going to scorch the earth with this person that we had both been working with for a couple years, I think, at that point. And so just like, can you believe that? And I'm like, hey, like, let's take a step back. I knew that the guide, you know, had the British flavor of English. And I'm like, I think he's giving you a compliment. I think he's saying that your notes were very complete and was trying to say thank you for doing such a detailed job. And she's like, no, no, no. And, like, she's kept going on about all the, you know, things she was gonna burn on the way to talking to his manager and whatnot. You're like, no, no. Like, talk to him before you go off the deep end. Trust me. Like, I really do think this might be a misunderstanding. And she's like, ah, whatever. You know, she storms off, and then later she comes back, she's much more collected and cool. And she's like, yeah, he was complimenting me. I'm really glad I didn't go and try to get him fired over something that seems so, like, minuscule. And so I, like, I took from that that, you know, he had the best intention. Had it. Had my friend really thought about, we'll call her Jane. Had Jane thought about, hey, like, he's trying to do something good here, or he's not trying to insult me. At the very least, she wouldn't have had that, like, common scenario where we kind of play things up and we get amped up over something in her head that doesn't match reality. And being a little bit more expecting the good intentions from other people allows you to be a little bit curious, you know, allows you to say, huh? What else could they do? Maybe they mean this. Maybe I should go check in with them and see if that's what they really meant. And if not, we can have a discussion from that. And. Okay. So that's why expecting the best intentions from others and believing that people have the best intentions initially is really helpful. Now in the case where people are jerks, you know, you have to take that into account, but you don't have to let it impact how you feel. You get me? So, like, it doesn't have to. If someone's a jerk and they are trying to insult you, like, that's on them. Maybe their mom didn't hug them enough. When they're growing up, maybe their dog just died, maybe a family member sick, maybe they have a new baby and haven't slept for a month. They don't realize how grumpy they really are. Coming off again, it's still kind of assuming the best intent, but it's also saying that, like, it has nothing to do with me. It has nothing to do with what I'm doing. It's how they're interpreting things. And so either you can say, okay, like, I'll just stand my ground and, you know, take a little bit of it and push back as needed. I can try to work some other social things, you know, like talking to co workers that might be able to talk to this person if it's a work situation, trying to calm them down, or going to a manager if that's what's really needed. But it changes your whole approach on how you handle your relationships and how you deal with others. And that's why it's so important to make sure that you assume the best intention of others and that, you know, communication is imperfect at best and to be more curious. Right. That would be the message I'd leave with you guys today. So don't be like, my friend Jane. Don't get all angry about emails or texts or miscommunications and, you know, have that gift for yourself to have some grace, to feel more confident. It'll help you in leadership. It'll help you in building relationships. It'll help you move forward in your life, which is what we're all about here on Start yout Day with a Coach. So with that, guys, I'll see you tomorrow. Same bat time, same bat place. This is Sean Butner saying adios.
