The Hard Things Are OK with Sherry and Shawn

Hello.

Oh, there we are.

And we're. We're live.

Hey, Sean.

Hey, Sherry. How's it going?

You know what? We. We just came from the hard stuff is okay. From our. Our group. We always do our Facebook Afterwards and our LinkedIn and YouTube. And I will tell you, I am in the thick of the hard stuff. And so right before we went live, I love what you were saying. You said, we've been talking about this stuff for a long time, and it even applies to us, maybe especially so.

But, yeah, the same themes, the same things that we've noticed. I think calling it out seemed to be helpful for you in the way that we contain multitudes, that we can experience everything at the same time. Just joy, sadness, grief, fill it in. Everything outside of that, too. Just, you know, we are so. I wanted to say large, but, like, we are expansive and we contain these multiple things. And I think remembering that, as you know, I have some hard stuff I'm going through too, but, like, for me, I find a lot of comfort in that thought. I'm not sure about. Like, how does that resonate with you usually, especially now that you're in it, Like.

Yeah, you know, I actually do, too. You mean the idea that we can contain multitudes? So I was actually practicing yesterday. I was really, really in deep grief, and my son said, let's go to the park. Let's get out of the house. Bless his heart, my son. And when we were at the park, I was practicing flower tree, you know, like, practicing, you know, really zeroing my attention on something beautiful because I. I know that we can. I know we can have joy and grief at the same time. Sometimes grief can feel like it is a. Like it's the undertow. And. Yeah. So it is comforting to be reminded. And it's. It was a really helpful thing to practice that, because it really is. I actually have some marigolds on my table, and it may feel like it's all happening at once, but the grief does pause itself to see the orange, you know?

Yep. It's a pimprick of light, perhaps, as my friend is so fond of sharing. Right.

Yes. How about for you? Does it. Does it bring you comfort when you say that, like, we contain multitudes?

It does. So we were going to talk about something completely different today, and part of that was the multitudes of. You can have enthusiasm and excitement for something and also be going through grief or these hard times. I use always grief is like my go to hard time. Like, it's kind of funny to say it that way. But like. But yeah, you know, like we were talking about before, about being excited for something when you're kind of in it too. Looking forward to something in the future sometimes helps, sometimes not. And that's okay. But yeah, you know, the ability to get stuff done. And, you know, I know you brought up this. If you don't mind me sharing this idea of like the cardboard cherry of trying to present that everything's fine when everything's not fine. And, you know, we have this space so that hopefully isn't happening. But, you know, sometimes you have to show up for clients, you know, for work for other people in your life. And yeah, knowing that that's okay. Like, almost having permission to not be the puddle all the time, even though you feel like the puddle all the time, I think I find helpful in like. Okay. Like, it's not a compartment. It's like I can just shift to the side that's not melting for a short time. Yes.

You know what, Sean? And you know what I absolutely love? I don't know if you noticed this, but. So when we were doing. We always do this, this live stream following a group that we do called the Hard Stuff Is okay. And in our previous group, I wrote down when you said we should give ourselves permission to just fumble it and fumble around like, so that, like, coming onto a live stream like this and. And fumbling around not knowing what we're going to say or not knowing what's going to emerge. And yet what you just said now, which I loved every bit as much, is we can also give ourselves permission to come to. And. And I'm going to use the word perform, not. And I don't mean that in a negative way, but sometimes we do need to perform. I've got a coaching call at 4 o' clock and I need to show up for that person. That's my commitment. So I love that you said both. You know, it's great. Oh, yeah. And it just depends. Like, I think this is where presence really comes into play. Right. So I'm here with my friend Sean, and we've committed to being authentic. I think we never. I don't know if we ever said that, but I think we did. Right. We've committed to being authentic. So we come on here and we're not going to be like, okay, you know, I'm not going through grief and you're not going through what you're going through. We're going to be real because we want to help normalize that people go through hard times.

Yeah. And that what I really love. From our group today, we had one other person on. And she brought up going and posting dirty dishes in the sink on social media. Not the perfect curated. Like, I have all the crystal. I. You know, it's like, no, this is my life. Dishes get dirty, dishes get cleaned.

You know, I love that. Yeah. Okay, now I'm gonna. I'm gonna switch us just for a minute, because I just remember I. I really did want to talk about what we said we were going to talk about, because I'm experiencing it in this moment. And what it is, is that when we're willing to show up with people and be ourselves, to be authentic, even to the extent of saying, as I did to you, I am deep in the grief right now, Sean. Like, that's what I said. What happens is connection. And what happens when I feel connection is there's a softening of the hard stuff. Like. And that's. To me, that's the magic. It's so hard to say to someone, I'm really deep in grief or I'm having a hard time. Yet when we do, it helps.

I'm so glad it helps because full disclosure, before we have a meeting today, you're like, I am in it. I don't think I have the capacity to do this, what we're doing right now. And in a half hour of just connecting and talking about it and having that space, you're like, okay, I can't wait to get onto the next. You didn't say, I can't wait to. But you're like, hey, I had these things I wanted to highlight. Let's do this thing that we usually do after it. I can show up for it. And you did very beautifully. And I think just that illustrative example of a half hour of talking with people in a space that you feel safe in and can do what you gotta do. And you're like, okay, well, let's just keep. Keep it rolling. Right. So there's a little bit of, like, momentum. I don't know what kind of momentum, but some type of momentum of I can keep going here and not get stuck in the quicksand.

Yes. I mean, is that. I mean, you're. You're pointing out. Exactly. That is the. That was my experience. Is that your experience also, like, when you talk about the addiction that happens. Yeah, yeah.

Yep.

And I think the interesting thing is. And this. We hear this quite a bit. Right. In this group. And also when I do the grief group in. In growth day, that, you know, I don't want to Burden people. I don't want to be, you know, I don't want to, like, be the Debbie Downer, like, from SNL or. You know what I mean? Like, so. And yet. And yet, it is one of the things that really connects us as people.

It really does. I wonder, and maybe for a future conversation. I know we're going to do this a short time. We always do this longer than we say we're going to do. I know, always so funny to me. But are there times where it's like, you have to be with the right people in the right space sometimes? Is the goal to be like that 100 with everyone around you, or is it to be able to pick and choose? I never really considered that. So I don't know. You know what I mean?

Yeah, I mean, it's a good question. I think it's one for each of us to hold and to be curious about. Right. Because again, I think we were talking about this on that. That group that we just did. There can be a spectrum, right? Like, there's a whole spectrum of how? Like, like, hey.

Hi.

How you doing? Oh, I'm fine. How are you doing? Right? There's that or there's like, hey, how you doing? And there's like, okay, you know, kind of. Kind of going through a little bumpy time right now. You know, there's like, hey, oh, my gosh, I've just experienced some deaths in my life. It's. It's a heavy time, but I'm glad to be here with you. You know, there's a whole spectrum.

Yeah, I think it depends on. We've talked about this before, too. It depends on the person. Like, nobody handles these things the exact same way. And so someone might also need different levels of engagement when you're sharing. Like, not from the receiving. I don't know. I just got in my head in this. In a whole new way that I wasn't expecting. And that's part of why we do this. This is so much fun.

Right. And I'm gonna go back to my line that, you know, permission to fumble through it. Like, I think to me, that was like. That was a brilliant thing that you said. And I. I really would welcome all of us or invite everybody to really. Where is it safe to do that in our lives? You know, where is it safe to just be like, I don't know what's. You know, I don't know even what I want to say, but can I just throw some spaghetti at the wall? And. And that helps us. That helps us clarify what's going on for us?

All right. I just saw on my side, Evan Sutton was trying to get my attention in the chat, I guess. Hi. So. Hi. Hi. Hi.

Hi.

Wow. Lots of hi, hi, hi. Okay.

That'S great. I know we're streaming to several different places, so some of the comments are coming in and some aren't. And it's. That's its own little fumbling around that happens when you're streaming to multiple places. I think just the last thing I wanted to say again, because I think that this was the important, or typically is one of the most important things, is that, yeah, if we allow ourselves to show up and this was what we were all talking about on that last call. Sometimes simply being around other human beings, it's not even that there's like great wisdom to share or you, Sean, are going to say exactly the thing that's going to solve whatever's going on for me. But sometimes simply just being around people, whether it's real time or even online, can add that energy that we need.

And I think I love that. And the idea, the thing that dropped in for me is just like, how are we actively building that infrastructure maybe in our lives? You know, Because I think that's something I know in certain times in my life, you don't think about it, so you need it. And sometimes that could be too late or makes it. It's the thing where, like, if it's there and able. You're able to access the people to kind of help connect with or the places or whatnot. Just like, I just go there and not like, where do I got to go? Oh my gosh, like, is it gonna be okay? Like, like sometimes I don't know.

You do know that. Know what you're saying, what you're saying. You do know, or you do, because what you're saying is really important. And I know we have to go in just a minute or two, but let me just say so one of the things that my, again, my dear son did for me is when we were out walking in the park, he was kind of, you know, asking me, you know, what do you think might support you during this time? Like, you know, and we had talk about a couple things and today he said, mom, do you want to write down some of those things we talked about? And it's kind of exactly what you were saying in a way, which is like, to be prepared. Like, I now have a list of things that do help support me when I'm really in the thick of the grief. And one of them happened to be a list of people that I know I can call unconditionally and that I don't have to worry about being a burden, that there are friendships I've nourished. And to your point, my son said to me, I hope you feel really proud of yourself that you have developed friendships over the years so that when things are hard, you have people to turn to. And I think. Right. That like, first of all, very astute for a 25 year old to see. Right. But I think that's what you're saying, like, so anybody listening now or in the future, maybe you're not going through a hard time and good. You know, bless your heart for that. And how do we, how do we set up our lives so that when hard things happen, we do have the support we need?

Yes. Expertly said, perfectly said. I don't know why I said expertly.

Said, but yeah, well, that, that was, that was your point. I was just echoing it and I, I wanted to just drive it home because it's true. It's important. They'll say in my spiritual practice, they will often say, you know, these are the times we practice for. You know, I sit on the, sit on the meditation coach and every day. And a lot of times it's great, but it's not like life changing. And then there's the days where you're like, I'm glad I know how to sit on a meditation cushion.

I needed that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anything else before we wander on our way?

I mean, other than I'm so glad we did this and I'm so glad that we were able to have this conversation today in the previous group and this wrap up thing.

Yeah.

I think I am also kind of on a side note completely. I forgot to eat lunch, so I'm starting to feel my attention drift. So this might be a good time to jump off, but.

Yeah, awesome.

Thank you, Sherry.

Thank you, Sean. I'm so glad and I just so appreciate. And to you, to anybody who's here now, who, anybody will watch it later. Yeah, thanks. And like, let's normalize these conversations. Let's, let's all do that together with the people that we love. See you next, Sherry.

See ya.