Why We Delay (Big) Decisions: Reasons Why People Get Coaching

Procrastination is a common coping strategy that hardly ever works out. It's trading short term good feelings for long term success, long term wellness, long term progress. And it's something that so many people deal with when they come to me to get some coaching. So the first job that I had as a software engineer out of college was really stressful, you know, financially, it wasn't where I needed to be. I didn't feel like it was having the impact that I wanted. I always felt like I was overworked, you know, in the sense that all I did was think about work, all I did was code. All I did, you know, my whole life was consumed with it. And it didn't matter how much progress I made during the day, I would never feel like I was caught up, right? I was always like three steps behind where I thought I needed to be. And that led to burnout. Eventually I'm like, something needs to change. And I stumbled on high performance through when I was studying personal development and personal finance. And really that changed everything because high performance helped me figure out what I wanted, helped me figure out how to make a plan, helped me get motivated and feel good about that plan and eventually make the move. But it took me 18 months. And maybe you've had a big project or a big task or a big goal that you've been putting off. And for me, probably for the first year, it was next month I'm going to make the chance, the decision to start this idea that I had for business to have that impact, that I want to live the life that I really want, or I'm gonna be in a better position next month financially, like it'll all be just better. So I should just wait until next month. And then, you know, that month turned into six months, turned into a year, and I'm like, why have I not changed? You know, why do I keep putting off this big decision? And the thing with procrastination also is that we are putting things off thinking that it's going to help us make the big decision and make the jump or make the big change, we really just want more information, right? We don't have the information to get to that next level. So to make that choice, to make that jump, to have the courage to step forward and do what we got to do. So that's what high performance helped me with. It helped me, you know, get clear on what I wanted, helped me really figure out how to take those bold steps to realize that and to get momentum in order, up to the point where I could say, okay, this is my do or die date. This is the date that I'm going to make the change or I'm not, and then I'll be okay with what happens after that. But. And here are the steps that I need to do to make that decision happen. And so you start to work backwards. And so for me, that making that decision, being in a seminar with some new mentors and being in a good community and getting the coaching that I need helped me create that plan, set that due date, and then six months after that, I left that job, started a business, and you know, really everything changed for the better in that life and that point of my life. So what are the five reasons why people procrastinate and what can you do about them? So I'm going to break this down through the high performance coaching framework. Again, I have a lot of people that come to me because they've been putting off things. And we'll talk about some of my clients that and some stories about each of these points related to my clients. So you get an idea of why certified high performance coaching is great for helping you overcome that sense of delay and to get into action. Okay, so the first thing is there is a delay due to lack of clarity, meaning you don't know what the next steps are. You don't know what the next action is with the full integrity of who you are, your values, your family's values, you are, you know, so when it comes time to act, you waste a lot of energy, a lot of momentum, a lot of excitement trying to figure out those steps. A lot of times you get distracted or you're like, oh, this is so tough. Time to do something else, right? And that's when the procrastination kicks in. And so that was the case for one of my former clients, Emily. She had, you know, studied. She was working in schools with at risk kids, doing psychology type stuff, counselor stuff. And she went to school and had spent four years being one test away from having an important credential that would help her get paid, help her get access to different types of jobs in the school system. And you know, she came to me, she's like, I have all these ideas and I can never, I just can't seem to get this credential. I can't take the task, I can't study for it, I can't set it up. And so she was really struggling with putting off like I was talking about before. She's like, oh, next month I'll have more time, you know, time with my daughter will be different, you know, So I want to spend more time with her right now, and so on and so forth. And so we got into coaching and like, okay, what do you really want? And it took a little bit of time to narrow that down. But she's like, I think I want my career to be like this. I want this much time to spend with my daughter. So there's a lot of lifestyle things that we were able to flesh out. And I'm like, what are the steps that'll help you get to that? And it came back to that pesky credential. So what we ended up doing is we're like, okay, like, when's the next test? We're gonna sign up for it. You can sign up for it, right? And she's like, yes. So she signed up for it. I'm like, okay, how much studying do you have to do in order to make that date in, like, I think it was like two months or something in the future, like, should start now. And this is, you know, that's. That's right out the plan. So she wrote out the plan. And ultimately that exercise of this is the lifestyle I want. This is why it's important to me. You know, I want more time with my daughter. I want my commute to be different and so on and so forth. All the things that she said that were important to her, this is the plan. Getting that clarity cleared the path. So all she had to do was show up and study at like 4:00 clock in the afternoon or wherever she had put it on her calendar, which I made her do as a coach. And, you know, lo and behold, two months happens. She takes the test, she passes the test, she gets her credential, she starts shifting her career around and starts a whole business helping people that deal with trauma environments, right? So when something bad happens at a school or in the school system, you know, she had a whole process of helping staff and students and faculty members all kind of deal with it together and had a big, huge ripple effect. And it all happened because she got clarity, where she needed to go and why and how that was aligned with her goals. So that's why we really need to be working on clarity all the time. And that's talking with mentors, that's journaling, it's doing all the things we do in personal development. But when you are clear with where you want to go, that clears probably 70% of the barriers that get in the way. So what about those 30% of barriers that happen after that? So the second reason why people put things off until the future or delay things is exhaustion. You know, you've been working, you're toiling, you're sweating, you're crying, you know, you're putting in all this effort and you're just wore out, right? And we experience exhaustion for a bunch of different ways. You know, it's burnout, it's not taking care of our bodies, it's not getting enough sleep, having enough water, getting enough exercise, getting enough time in the sun. You know, all those types of ABCs of our physicality, which is something I help all the time. In my coaching practice, people figure out ways to just operate on those basics a bit better, but they also, you know, feel a lot of the times and the clients I work that they don't have any control over that end of the day. And when I hear that, I always think, let's check in with your habits, right? And it's like one of my former clients, James, who was a rock star at work, you know, he gave everything to his job as an educator. And he'd get home, he had two kids, and he just would sit on the couch and then until it was time to make dinner. So he took care of dinner for the family, back to the couch. Wife was a little upset. He felt bad that he wasn't helping out more with the kids when he got home because she was stay at home. And so. And he wasn't role modeling the right health habits that he wanted to. So he shared that in our coaching session. And. And so he came to coaching looking for, how do I get more energy? How do I get rid of this exhaustion so that I can change at home and make, you know, be a better role model for my kids, be a better partner for my wife and feel like I'm contributing to the family at home. That was what he was really important. What was really important to him. And so overcoming that exhaustion of giving your all during the day is something a lot of people struggle with. And so if that's you, I'm cheering you on, just like I cheered on James. And ultimately, through the coaching process, it was, what are some little wins we can do and what are some little shifts we can do to shift your health, right, to shift your exercise? Because that was the point. That was really kind of the big point of contention for him. It was not consistent. So having a sense of discipline in his health was the big thing we worked on. And he came again to, who are you role modeling for? He's like, I want my kids to Live healthy lives. I want them to have healthy habits, which is very noble. So we celebrated that. And okay, like, how can you better role model? And that question with him kind of brainstorming what to do, he's like, you know, my kid, my oldest kid has a sticker chart and he lives and dies by that sticker chart for good behavior at school. He's like, what if I had a sticker chart for exercising at home that my wife and my two kids could see and they could help me be consistent, right? So having that social facing declaration of I did the thing I set out to do or I didn't, and it was started out just like, did you do 15 minutes on the treadmill, like super easy and you can work your way up from that? And surprisingly, to him it worked, right? So he has been going two years now consistent with workouts because he has that sticker chart for his workouts on the calendar. And his family knows that when he does his workout, he puts a sticker on and his family's cheering him on. So that helped him get more energy to do the workouts and to have more energy at home to help out. And so that's such a huge, huge transformation for him. And he really appreciated our work together and making that happen. But that's the power of coaching, right? Sometimes you need someone to push you a little bit, to help you generate some ideas that will really help propel you and get the success that you want. So that's the second reason why people tend to procrastinate and how you can work through it. Sometimes it's that social declaration of what you want to do. But again, it's also connecting to why it's important. You know, role modeling better habits for your kids, contributing more and feeling like you're helping more out in the with your spouse at home. So super big things. Third thing that prevents people from taking action right away or getting into procrastination is fear of change, right? And so it sometimes, you know, in high performance, we talk about three different types of fears. This is something that we talk about in some of the worksheets that we do in certified high performance coaching. But there's three different types of fears, right? At the high level, there is loss fear, there's process fear, and there is outcome fear, right? So loss fear is just simply being afraid that by starting something new or making a change, you're going to lose something that you like or really love. So if I'm going to start running marathons and taking my health more seriously, you know, that the change, then I'll lose the ability to eat cookies and pizza every day, something I love. That's maybe not good for me. So in that particular example, that's last thing. I'm going to be giving up some foods that I like to be healthier, to put it another way. So how do you deal with loss? Fear? You got to focus on what you gain. And sometimes it can be really hard when. When you feel that fear to find your way through that. But again, that's why you need a coach. You need someone that's cheering you on, that has your best intentions and your best future in mind to help Kajolia, to help you explore that skillfully so that it doesn't hold you back, so you get out of that procrastination loop. The second type of fear that people have is process fear. That if I'm going to train for a marathon and that running and training up to get to those 26.2 miles is going to be so terrible that it's not even going to be worth it, Right? And so in those instances, it's really, again, shifting your focus and shifting your psychology to think, what will I learn along the journey? What will I. It's again, another way of saying, what will I gain? But what will you learn by going through this process? And is that worth it? You know, it could be like, maybe I don't actually run the race, but I learn how to commit and be disciplined for three months to something that I don't like or something that hurts or whatever that is. It's different for everyone. And that's, again, why you need a coach to kind of help talk that through that. But, you know, having that shift in mind can help you, like, oh, I'm going to learn all these cool things. It's going to make me a better person with more skills or whatever type of intrinsic or extrinsic rewards that you look. Having that aligned can really help you break through that. The third type of fear that we all deal with is outcome fear. So in the marathon example, if I get over the finish line and accomplish the thing, it's not going to feel as cool as I want it, you know, And I think in James's example that, you know, he knew that the journey would be good for him. He had a little bit of process here, like, oh, I'm going to be giving up quiet time or time to rejuvenate. But ultimately it's like, what. What happens if I do this and there's nobody to celebrate with? Right. There's no recognition of the hard work I did, except for what, you know, I did myself. But that's not motivating, right? That celebration of, hey, look, I did the thing that I set out to do with the family and kind of role modeling that really helped him. And so that's adding to the outcome of exercising every day, right? Put a sticker on celebrate with the kids. Put a sticker on celebrate with the kids. You know, that type of thing. So super, super powerful. And so, and that's again, a way to deal with outcome is how do you make it fun, how do you make it exciting, how do you make it rewarding by, you know, accomplishing it? What are you going to feel proud of at the end as a way to get out of that type of fear? And so we have more tools about that in high performance coaching. If you are curious about, you know, maybe you're putting something off and you need a little bit of help. Below is a link to get a free one hour strategy session on high performance with me when we go through the certified high performance coaching process. And so, like each of these stories, I'd love to be able to highlight you in a future video, but more importantly, I'd love to show people the process. So if you are game, then the link below, you can sign up for a free one hour strategy session. You go through, you do an application, which is partly for me to understand where you're at, to know what we need to focus on to make the session go really well. But it's also to kind of weed out people that aren't ready for coaching or aren't really willing to put in the work. And having done this for so many years, you kind of pick up on when people aren't really committed to the process. So that's why we do it for there, since it's free. Normally I do this strategy session for $197 for the hour, but if you agree to put it on you for me to put it on YouTube, it's free. If you want to do a private session, it will be $197. That option's down there too. So if you're shy, you're like, I don't want my stuff to be out in the world. Totally get it. But those are the two offers. Click on the link below. Choose your own destiny. Everyone does the application. Everyone gets the same amazing hour of that strategy session. So I hope you join me. So click that link below. All right. The fourth thing that people get stuck in with procrastination it's distractions, right? So you know what you gotta do. You have the energy to do it. You aren't afraid of anything. But, you know, when it comes time to sit down, you're just like, oh, like, I have all these other things that I have to do. So sometimes it's obligations, sometimes it's. I just. It's not fun. So you end up watching Netflix, you end up playing guitar, you end up listening to music. You end up in a place where you're doing everything but the thing. Right? Really what's going on there at a base level, from my experience coaching people, is that the emotions of distraction, meaning it feels better to watch Netflix than it is to do the thing that's going to help you move forward. It's something I've struggled with a lot in my life. It's something that I've, again, I've had clients that have really struggled with this, but. And again, like, there is a gentleman who I coached two years ago with the strategy session, and he was looking for a new job, but every time, every day, he really spent maybe five minutes on it. He was tending his garden, he was taking care of the kids, he was, you know, doing errands, doing all these different types of things. And for him, what really needed a change was, you know, putting time on the calendar. He's like, I have three hours each day, one hour in the morning, one hour after lunch, one hour before dinner, where I'm going to be reaching out, working on my resume, signing it out, replying back, going through the process and marking those times on his calendar is what really shifted things for him. So, you know, asking him the question, like, how can we make sure that you're doing, you know, at least one hour of work on this? He's like, well, I'll put it on my calendar. It'll get done. I'm like, oh, is it on your calendar now? He's like, no. Like, okay, put it on your calendar now. The pushy part of high performance coaching is how can you, you know, double down on making that more effective? He's like, well, I could probably do, you know, an hour before lunch, an hour before dinner. I'm like, okay, put that on the calendar. You have three hours every day where you're putting resumes out there. And within a month, he had a couple of different job applications, or not applications. Job offers. That's the word. So all it took was some dedicated time where he made sure that the kids weren't going to bug him or he's not trying to plan, you know, errands where he's not going to have to cook or whatever he was doing, right? All the things that were pulling him from the one thing that you needed to do, which was apply to jobs, to get a job to provide for the family, you know, and not gardening and all that was to just sit down and do it without distraction and making it clear on his calendar when that was going to happen. So the fifth way to deal with procrastination is, or what causes procrastination and how to deal with it is lack of support, right? Sometimes we put off doing things, big life things, talking about the big things we want to do and get out in life because we don't think our spouse is going to support us. We don't think our peers are going to cheer us on, they're going to make fun of us or we're going to look silly or it's scary. And what if you fail and you don't have a safety net and you know, on and on and on and on. And this is why it's so important to find your community, find the people that are cheering you on, finding the people that are that positive influence and maybe have led the way before or have a different perspective from you so that when you have those times when you stumble that they're there to help you problem solve, right? It's not to be like, oh, especially in coaching, it's not like, oh, that stink. Think so bad that your wife or your husband doesn't think you should switch jobs because you're miserable. You know, that's not coaching. Coaching is like, okay, like what are you going to do about it? You know, essentially it's like, okay, you know, this makes you miserable. You know, you're not going to maybe get some buy in with your spouse. But what are you going to gain from making the change? Okay, how are you talking about that with your family? That's role play. How would you talk about that with your family? And then you do the role play and you know, for me you're talking about, you know, that time when I left my corporate gig and it took me 18 months. That time in about a year when I went to that seminar, got around a new mentor, got around people that had left jobs, that had started businesses that were really making a difference in their life, helped one inspire me, right? Like, oh, other people have done this. I can do it, right? These people are way smarter than I am. But there's also people that weren't as smart As I was. So I took a note of that. And I'm kidding, right? But there were people that seemed like they were everyday folks that were like me that had accomplished it. And so that was inspiring, right? In that particular case of leaving your corporate gig, that was comfortable starting and striking it on your own, which is a little scary, but really exciting too. So, you know, so they led the way when I had doubts or had questions like, how did you plan to leave your job? And, you know, there's so many different pieces of advice, but the big one that came out from that community of being in that seminar and talking to other folks was, when is your do or die date? You know, when's the deadline when you're gonna either have all the information that you have and you're gonna go, I'm leaving, or you're gonna have all the information you're ever gonna get and you're gonna be like, no, this isn't right for me. And it's like, pick that date, stick to that date and work backwards from that date, like I told you in that story earlier. And so that's what ended up happening. And it worked, you know, and that trick of setting a solid deadline, you know, I kept pushing and procrastinating and delaying when I was going to make the decision to leave or not. Helped me get a sense of clarity, helped me from getting distracted, helped me from all the. From letting the fear overcome and pushing it out a way out of fear or because I was tired and not taking care of myself. It's like, okay, I know that I need. If I'm going to do this, I'm going to need this much money in the bank. I'm going to need this to be happening and this to not be happening and all that stuff. And so it just became a do I have all these conditions met, yes or no? And that was the power of that support in that community. When I was freaking out after I left my job and was like, what have I done? It was people from that seminar that are like, hey, this is an old normal. Like, you're gonna freak out. You're gonna not freak out. If you're going to be engaged in high performance, it's gonna be, how are you managing that stress so you're not stuck for a whole month, hold up in your bed in the fetal position crying, right? So how can you handle that in a way where you're not getting sucked into that negative emotion so you can do the work that you need to do that'll make you successful? And so again, those are five different ways that people procrastinate and what to do about them. Again, you know, get clear on what you want, who you are, what you're doing, manage your energy effectively, have courage and take bold actions towards the things that you really want, the transformations that you want. You know, plan and get really clear on your productive or productive times and eliminate distractions and then have the community and support from peers that'll cheer you on. And so these are the five areas of high performance. Right? So when we do that strategy call that I referenced a little bit ago, that's what we'll talk about on the call. When you go through that application, you're going to grade yourself, rate yourself on your clarity, energy, courage, productivity and influence. And that's going to guide that conversation that we'll have on YouTube or privately, depending on how you choose your adventure. So make sure to watch the next video in this series. I'm going to go over a couple of more common topics and why people get coaching just to kind of highlight some former clients, some ideas, show you how this high performance process works. Again, because all those points on what prevents people from taking action today and getting into procrastinating is that they're not doing these five things in high performance. So check that out below and I hope to see you in the next video. Guys, take care.