ADHD -& Mastering the mind - An authentic conversation of change, Friend to Friend

Okay, today is an ADHD day. What that means is I have a list of 12 things to do and they're going to all get done by tonight, 8 o'clock. I'm not sure which one I'm gonna do first. They're all laid out on the table and I'm gonna pick one and make sure that I do them based on my energy today. It has been a week of shifting and moving. That's really hard for your ADHD. Luckily, all of these skills and strategies I have were able to help self-regulate me and move that process through really quickly. I want to pause that. In this whole transition from being a Chrysalis in a cocoon that liquefies and turns into a butterfly. The rebirth of me at 53, letting go of my condo and all my stuff, everything I own. The universe kept saying wait and wait and wait. I did not know it meant to liquefy everything. And really, I think someone— hold on, my phone is seen. Yes, it is. What do I do now? Someone has my phone. Now I found it on Find My and I have the address. So no, now that's my phone. Here's the other one, I guess. Anyways, I'm definitely not gonna. It's on loss mode. This one is working, it seems. Okay. There's the distraction already. ADHD trying to do a few things. Oh, I was on Instagram going to show you something that I want to do, and I lost it. Oh, but here is. Here's our new track guy. Hey, like and follow. Nice, his podcast is up. Yay! ADHD. I don't want to lose it. I want to go into it. No, I don't want to use the audio. I want to remix it. I reposted this wheel. Okay, add a thought. The beginning of something new. Adding a thought ends up being one of my hardest things. This can keep me stuck for days, honestly. Oh, and I left my microphone on.

This—

turn the microphone off. This could really, right? So I reposted this, and she's talking about her ketamine, learning about all the things to set up for my ketamine journey. Oh, that didn't work. Learning about my— starting to plan my ketamine journey. There we go, that's good. Okay, save. Okay, there you go. That is the next stage in this for me. I'm so mad I lost that squat guy. Let's see, squats. I really want to try taping myself doing one so I can do it all week when I'm away. For me, it's really important to watch it and get the pattern. I can't just see it on Instagram and do it. I wish I could. I could. I saved them. I have to try them, and then I come back to them. Oh, it's not good. So hard for me to like learn something from Instagram, and they have such good ideas. I used to like going to the gym and seeing people do new things. That's how I learned, not from technology, from real things. I'm lost, right? Like, I wanted to do something. I started talking, and then I I got distracted, and then I tried something else, and now I'm here.

ADHD.

So let's talk about that ADHD for a moment. That moment where you are sidetracked very quickly by all the different thoughts you think about, even with meds, even lists and everything. It doesn't matter. It really is— here's the extreme that I've recognized that I need, which is part of who I am, that I will define now and choose as my identity. My ADHD has run me. Now it's time to run it. I am changing my thoughts with my ADHD. Brain to my logical Shawna Lynne brain. It is so much smarter than the old brain, this new one. This new brain has the ability now to see in front of me good choices and accountability, like, hmm, pride, accomplishment. Like, wow, I just realized I put on clothes that feel good. I don't think what I'm going to look like. I'm tired of that. This is me. There's days where I don't feel like looking in the mirror and checking what my eyes look like, how puffy they are, what other people are gonna see. There's some days— look at my brain, not my face. It is more valuable than the wrinkles. On my face. And I honor this body for 3 reasons. One, being fit means I have discipline, and that discipline is the best thing for ADHD. Movement, working out, the best thing for ADHD. Any type of movement for ADHD helps calm your nervous system. Now, if you're moving frenetically, which I did for the last 30 years— go, go, go, go, go, go, go, activity, movement, fill your soul, find a full, let's go, don't stop. If you stop, you lose the momentum. And I don't know about you other ADHDers, neurodiversity, whatever you want to call you, Yourself. I'm one number away from ASD, autism. Go figure. What I know for sure is I am a— Human with many identities. That's what ADHD does for me, is it gives me the opportunity to have many personalities, identities, and be okay in all of them. Instead of having to choose one, like a niche. I hate that word. Hate a niche. A niche is you fit into a box. There's no box for me. I don't want a box ever. I've tried every box. I really have. I did such a good job at trying every box. I gotta keep moving. I was so powerful. At using my ADHD to copy anybody in the identity I needed. School council, I sat there and I listened to the person running the meeting my first time going, and I'm like, oh, this is how a meeting's run. So I went home and I practiced. Hello everybody and welcome. Today we're going to introduce ourselves and we're going to move around the circle. Hi, I'm And we can share a win. We can tell why we're all here. Let's see what the theme will be. And please, you know, be respectful of anyone. Does anyone need any accessibility? Anything I can do to make this conversation easier for you? How about— hmm, you're gonna take me seriously in my like wonderwear? Wonder Woman underwear? Seriously? This is me. All of me, so natural, organic. Like, can I not be this identity and just be free? Like, who cares? Does this measure my brain? Not at all. If I put on a suit and come back, you'll take me more seriously. Okay, I get that. What if I don't? I'm not looking for the serious people to take me seriously. What if I'm looking for the people like me that think differently, that are all over the place moving and doing and trying consistently? There are so many of us, it is unbelievable. I went searching for them and I found hundreds of them, so many communities that I could integrate in. That meets so many of my needs. Oh, unbelievable. There are people that are like, I don't know what to do, and they sit on the couch waiting. I don't know what to do, I go out there searching.

Yes.

Why? If I stay here, I'm gonna be so depressed and anxious about what's out there. If I go out there, I'm so anxious About what's out there and what people will think of me and which identity do I need to bring to this one. It's not that I'm not being authentic, it's I am authentically in many communities. I am authentically me whichever identity I pick. So let's start with— I need to take a sip of my coffee.

ADHD.

Okay. Identity of parent. Well, there's one parent where you do A, B, and C. I was a parent of 2 children with a lot of disabilities that did not follow any boxes, and I fought every system in society to get them where they were going. I did that without knowing anything. And I went to doctors and I watched how other parents asked questions. I went home and I practiced it. And the computer was new. Imagine if I was a parent now with AI. Oh my God, I would have changed the world by now. But me and my little brain and ADHD balancing 2 children, a partner who was not as healthy as he could be— he had a lot of trauma on his plate and whatever reason did not go— want to go deeper into it. It kept him where he needed— where he chooses to be, and I respect that that's what he needed. On the other side of that, the reality is I was let down in those moments, and the choice was to be angry and resentful and continue talking, or just let it go and move on. And when you let it go and move on, ADHD, sometimes that's really hard and sometimes it's really easy.

Extremes.

The identity of divorced woman— I did that well. I talked to anyone. I was in every divorce. I could lead you through a divorce, save you hundreds of thousands of dollars with lawyers. Every time someone comes to me with something, they come back after going and spending lots of money and being like, huh, You were right. Like, great. It doesn't feel good after you spent $100,000 for me to be right. Let's take that $100,000. Let's, like, build a really good life for you and not go through 2, 3 years of pain with lawyers who do not do anything. Divorce lawyers are awful, period. Awful. They are ruining our society. And if you are a divorce lawyer that isn't awful, I would love to know. And send people to you. The ones that are out there, they just cost my client probably $20,000 to $30,000. They got nowhere. Nowhere. They let go of what they were going for, settled, and everything turned around, and they got everything they needed on the other side of the anger. Letting go.

Fuck.

Letting go. Oh my God. Yeah, right. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Everything behind you just drags you back and back and back and back. And instead, we keep pulling ourselves up and up and up to stand here in front of you, strong, solid, grounded. I'm choosing that identity for me, and no one can tell me otherwise. The judgment on the other side of seeing this as wandering, not knowing, not choosing— the other side of this unique ADHD risk-taker is a linear person who is very happy or satisfied, content— pick the word you like— standing here thinking what's out there and not doing anything. What is out there on the other side of that door, of the front door, of any door that holds you in a place where you are in a box, stuck in a job you don't like with someone you don't enjoy With kids who are disrespectful, with you disrespecting your own body every day, making bad choices— drinking, smoking, eating, not sleeping, not trying, yelling, not breathing, not stretching, not exercising. What are you doing to yourself? I don't get it. I mean, I get it. Right, I get it. Every one of us gets up every morning with a hard day in front of us. And yesterday we had a conversation. The world sucks. It just sucks. And someone asked me why I hold that negative thought and I can't just be neutral. And my answer was, there is nothing that I am happy with in my history that happened to me. It was unacceptable. It did not need to be. The school did not need to treat me that way. They could have been much better to me and my children. They did not have to do what they did. The rules that they made could have been broken because we don't fit into a box, and sometimes you just need to look outside the box. So instead of helping me, the school system, the medical system, the government, they stopped me. And every time I had an idea, there was a barrier. And every barrier, I found a way around it. And every time I found a way around it— I have a hair somewhere on me and it's driving me insane. Every time I went around that barrier, don't you know, I was right. And you know, on the other side of right, what was there?

Success.

Something that I knew was a download from the universe that I believed in. And when I found someone else who believed in it, it was right. I was right. I trusted my intuition, and I pushed hard against a lot of people who thought I was crazy. And you know what? I own insane. I do, I am, I do, I own insane. I've done insane, impossible things with what has happened to me, and whatever happened to me, I have taken myself out of that and put myself in a new place where I can look around 360 and decide what I'm going to allow in this time around. This is the new life, it's a rebirth. What does that mean? I have no idea. I have no plan, nothing, not even a thought of what I might do. I have some ideas of what fantasies, what I'd like to do. They're like just kind of coming. I've been invited not to hang on to any one of them. Again, going against all control of ADHD. If you hear me, if you know that you have that ADHD, that brain imposter syndrome, oh, right? Time blindness kills me to be on time. Like, you can do it in a minute. It takes me a half an hour of energy to not be 10 minutes late, and I've pretty nailed it this year. And still, man, traffic can take me down anytime I allow it. Instead, every minute in the car is a precious moment to think and talk and breathe and remember that it's time to leave the city. 30 years I've been driving everywhere, all over, for hours and hours across the city to help people consistently. Anybody who needs me, I'll drive over there to help them. I go to clients' houses.

I know.

And you help their whole family in an afternoon anywhere. I would do that. So important to me to help people with their mental health. It is all I care about. I care about it, and I'm sharing. Look at me. How did I do this? How did I make it? It is a mystery to me until I start reflecting on all the pieces, and I wonder. How was that grit and grace granted to me? Where does this positivity and energy originate? How does it show up every day and lead the way to a beautiful day?

Yesterday—

oh, where's my phone? Yesterday, there are conversations that come my way Over and over. Here's one: really love meeting you both. I hope you had a super time. I would be honored and excited to talk to you about all the amazing things I'm doing. I'd love to talk to you about all the amazing things I'm doing. He's doing a whole bunch of things with algae and racehorses. How freaking cool is that? Did you even know that was a thing? Here's a man in a career in Tottenham who does something I never knew about before, and I'm so curious. So I will go there and see what he does and learn what he does so I have another experience in my head. That is the beauty of me. The amazing experiences that I have go beyond anything imaginable for you. That I have learned from, these opportunities in front of me come out of the blue and I'm like, yes! And every time I do that, something happens bigger and better. That is the pleasure of ADHD. When imposter syndrome and all that other— those words that I can't even think of those words anymore, they're all gone. I did EMDR on the words of ADHD that Were my identity, and now they're gone, right? Hold on a second. Hello, Debbie.

Hello, Mom.

I am making a video talking about my ADHD. Would you like me to stop the video, or can we add this conversation to it?

Um, totally up to you, my darling.

No, that's your consent. That's your choice to make.

Oh, got you, got you. Sure, let's talk about your ADHD.

Ah, wonderful. I was explaining to myself this morning on this that I am so excited to have an ADHD day. I've not had one in a long time, and that is just doing anything I want to do, not leaving my house, not having to think or be, um, attached to time until 3:30.

Okay, what happens at 3:30? Does the—

I have to see Mikael.

Oh, I thought that, you know, it changed into a pumpkin or something.

Uh, no, that's just when I have to show up for somebody.

Okay.

And then I can go back and do anything I want. I have like 12 things to do, they all have to be done today. Like, there's no, like, you know, under the wire procrastination. I left it to the last minute, that would be me.

Okay, so that is your ADHD brain leaving things to the last minute. Yeah.

Um, excitingly, I know I will because I have no time. Like, there's no choice now. So like, I have no choice. I left myself no choice.

And, and, but only— not only that, but you're like doing things that are very exciting. Like, you're going to be doing something very exciting, and so you're— what you're doing is preparation for something very, very fun.

I, I'm really excited to do it. It all feels good. Doing it today. I don't feel— well, I think I've learned that I planned it this way so that I don't have the overwhelmed. I knew I was gonna do this, right?

And you're so good at it. Like, you're so good. You're so good at getting shit done. Like, so your ADHD, right? I don't know what it is you've been talking about, your ADHD, but your ADHD fucking kicks into high gear and fucking blasts when you need to do it, and there's nothing you can't accomplish.

Thank you for recognizing that. I knew that about myself, and I know that I like that about myself. When I look at it from the other side of people who judge it, I always didn't— I always questioned it. I was like, why do I do it?

You fucking rock when you need to get shit done, man. You are on top of your shit. So there's nothing about your ADHD brain that prevents you From getting your shit done. Maybe other people do, but when you kick in, you kick in. And I, I don't know if that's actually ADHD or if it's just like one of your many, many talents to get organized and get shit done.

Well, it's, it's, it's, it's the both. I had this terrible ADHD and I had 2 deaf kids and a lot of appointments and a lot of words and a lot of things.

And you got it all done.

Well, I had no choice, right? So my body was really good at being present with my kids in the moment And being spiritual and, you know, not having technology and being on the floor with them and talking and playing, all the things I love. And then at night I put them to bed, I'd sleep for 2 hours, I'd wake up from 10 till 2 and I'd fucking kick ass. I was like, get it all done, you can do this. And I put on music and I'd move my body and I love that about me. And then I'd go to bed at 2 and I'd wake up at 6, I'd go to the gym, I feel awesome, I had 6 hours of sleep. I'd nap in the afternoon or have little power naps. I was really good at that routine, like I mastered it until it fell apart and I needed a new one. So—

Life changes, right? Life changes. And now, now it's like you've got— like now you're planning for something that is also going to be so much fun. So you get to have that intention when you're doing all of your stuff today. And you know, we're This is a different kind of planning and organizing now that it's just for you. It's— there's no one else on the agenda but you.

It's so empowering when you say that, and I feel that. And, and on the other side of that is all the work I did this week to really, like, I let go of all the irresponsibility I brought to the table, my ADHD, the bad decisions financially, ADHD. The overwhelming need to keep doing things and not find a niche, all the negatives were really highlighted this week and brought up into like my heart and my soul. Like I threw up all that anger and resentment.

Oh yeah, yeah.

Right? My heart like totally is beating a different beat and it feels so full. My stomach feels full, not all tied up in knots. Like, my bowel movements are like perfectly synchronized, not like all over the place and you never know what you're getting. Like, everything is really healthy this week, and I don't feel like inhaling. Like, all the things I had before that were not always the best thing for me, I've looked at. To go forward, and all of it came to the surface. And to do that, I had to go through all those. What did I do well, and what did I do wrong? I did that for the last nine months. I looked at my ADHD, what it what it cost me, and what it gave me. Like I went to I went to Vegas for my 40th birthday with 13 women. We had like the time of our lives. I came home on the red-eye, picked up my suitcase that was already packed, and in 4 hours got on my motorcycle and did a 9-hour day on my motorcycle.

Wow.

Right?

Yeah.

Happily. I was like, oh my God, I have 9 hours to think about what just happened all week. And I mean, that week, those 4 days with those women I mean, like, we packed in a year of fun. Like, that, that's my life. Calm, calm, calm, blow up. Let's do something great or something horrible. Which way do we have to recover, repair, and keep going? Now I'm letting all that go. Today's the first day of my ADHD, like, for all the new things, like you said, that are exciting.

Absolutely. You've got so much to be excited about, right? So much.

I know.

So many blessings. So much to be grateful for, including, including your ADHD.

It's so good to me if I let it, if I accept it.

You just accept it and it just, it's, it's, it's, you know, maybe it's been like a, like an anchor or a weight or like, I don't mean an anchor, but more of like a weight on your shoulders that You have this like ADHD and maybe it seemed like it's, uh, it's, it's like, uh, you know, it's not moved you in any direction, but it really has. Like, it's really a blessing. I think that— I think I, I watch my kids with ADHD and I, I just think that— and other people who have ADHD, and maybe possibly I've got some as well, but I do think that it's a blessing.

Thank you for that. That was so beautiful. And I, I really do agree.

The—

I look at the ADHD as a series of, um, things that happen that take you off your course. Detours. They're detours. The ADHD is a detour. It takes you down, it takes you off the path, it gives you that inner critic, that overthinking, that time blindness that gets in your way. And when you look at it as, how can I master that, not let it master me, and Give it the energy it needs to reset. If you need to sleep, if you need to watch TV, but put a limit on everything. Learn to master your ADHD. As you said that, I just pulled up the card that said scarcity and plenty at the same time. Like, I was talking about the extremes of me.

Yes.

And the extremes of me is, I guess, something I've always tried to bring to the neutral. And I live in extremes, right? Like yesterday was an extreme day of energy and talking from morning to night, and today is an extreme day of being with myself quietly, and tomorrow will be an extreme day of travel, and then the week will be an extreme week of learning and like having another new experience that's like unbelievable. I'm feeling beyond grateful, like so grateful it's a vibration in my body. I don't know, it's overwhelming. It kind of feels the same as like, oh shit, something bad's gonna happen. And this time I know it's something good's gonna happen.

Well, it's important to keep that intention, right? Like to just recognize that, that again, that your ADHD is a blessing. That, that you, that you work so beautifully under pressure, and you also work beautifully when you're not under pressure.

Mm-hmm.

I would just offer you an invitation to think that, to think about, like, extremes are incredible. I love extremes. Like, it's so much fun. Like, yesterday was an extreme night. We had the best time, and it was so beautiful and so fun to go to that concert with you. And just the invitation to sometimes— maybe today's the day, I don't know— is to not live in an extreme. Um, I think there's a— it's a nice balance sometimes to think about, or to kind of embrace it not being an extreme, and to find some balance sometimes so that you can enjoy the extremes.

Okay, hold on. Yes, I— neutral is in the middle this week. Is, uh, you pointed that out well. This week will be neutral, right? The energy is very calm. I'm going in with the energy of just connection and supporting.

Yes.

That's what we need this week— connection and supporting. No energy of excitement or what's next or conversation. This is just being for the next week for both of us. It's been quite a transitioning month, and our energy, we both agreed, is just resetting quietly in neutral. And then when we come home, it will be a whole nother story.

So calm confidence.

Yes, exactly. So calm confidence. It's, it's, it's a good thing you pointed out it's all the personalities of me. There is no niche for me. I, I don't have to be something I am everything I want to be every day. That's my choice. And when I said that, I pulled the card Aligned and Misaligned, by the way.

Oh!

I know that I am Shawna Lynne insane. My insanity has kept me grounded and airy at the same time. I'm so grateful. It has allowed me to be everything I wanted to be for the last 30 years. And the insanity of how I got here is now the invitation to find the grounding of how I stand and share and care with grace and grit and watch my words and be the professional leader that I would like to nurture organically And have more conversations about mental health. I did it for deaf and hard of hearing, I have done it for autism and ADHD, now it's all mental health. We're not okay, we are not doing anything to help ourselves every day, and we really need to smarten up, all of us, everyone.

I feel like, I feel like the only way— I feel Generally speaking, that the best way that you can honor what you just said is to just do it for yourself, right?

Exactly.

And then, you know, like, people will watch that and they will either follow it or not follow it. But the invitation is to, is to just to be a leader. You don't have to necessarily Pull people with you. They just have to watch what you're doing.

Exactly what you just said. Be right. I'm— I am—

Be, be who you are.

I am.

And then, you know, the, the invitation is for other people to rise to that energy, to rise to that energy, rather than you lower yourself to meet other people, right?

Look at you putting all of my being into therapy words.

Did I?

Well done.

How did I do that?

Did I?

I didn't even realize that.

That's exactly what you did. I was gonna cut you off. I was getting a little irritated 'cause you're like telling me what I already know. You're like a step behind me. And then in my head, and then I'm thinking, wait a second, I've gotta change this. This is Debbie doing a wonderful job of taking everything I'm going through and putting it into her education of being a psychotherapist. I was like, oh my God, you just told—

I didn't realize I did that, but okay.

Well, we've been talking like this for a long time, and you— your response to me in the past, before you did your transformational change and pressed the button of your next chapter You would repeat what I said and add something to it and challenge me. This time, what I just recognized— and I'm so glad I stopped in the moment and didn't use my ego— um, is you took what I was saying and put it into the whole package of what I'm doing.

Okay.

Like, you just summarized it beautifully in psychotherapy, like, total terms. Like, it was a beautiful Um, it was a beautiful paragraph.

Okay.

Yeah.

Amazing.

Yeah, thank you.

I'm, I'm happy that we have these moments to communicate like this because it also is really, um, validating for me that, um, I'm like staying on track with the conversation, you know what I mean? Like, I wonder if I'm— I wonder sometimes, so thank you for that validation.

Well, I just picked a card as you said that— the Seen and the Unseen.

Ooh.

And that is, I see you and how smart you are. You are as smart as me. Like, you and I have incredible conversations that I really only have with higher-level thinkers. You are one of them. You are extremely bright and intuitive. And you— your energy is so beautiful. Like, you've— the love you've created in your house and grounded, found your ways to ground with your ADHD, because I think you— your ADHD is more the, um, grounded one, where mine's the flighty one.

Mm.

And you found all the grounding things you do— your beading, your garden. You ground yourself all the time, consistently.

Yoga, meditation.

Breathing, you're— what's the— oh my God, hold on.

Qigong.

I could not even find it. There's like a block in there. I have to like write— I'm gonna tattoo it on my arm, seriously. Um, qigong, right? So here's that moment where we realize something. You do the same. All those compliments you gave me, you actually do the same thing. If you reflect yourself in you doing everything I do, you do it slowly with intention. You spent the whole day getting ready for Thursday to press that button. You had an ADHD on Thursday where you went into yourself and kind of needed to like go through your emotions, you do them from a grounded way, from deep inside. I think I do mine from like they're all in the sky and I'm grabbing all of them. Does that resonate?

Um, it does, it does. I think that I, I, although I don't always feel that I'm so grounded, but I know that I am.

So I mean, like, okay, so I don't always see it.

So I appreciate, I appreciate the insight because I don't always see that I'm so grounded.

Well, so stop in the moment there and think. Every time you do those things that you do consistently, that is recognizing that's your pattern of mental health. That's what keeps you sane. So knowing those things in your calm confidence, all of the things you do is the process of your calm confidence, right? That's the same.

I think that's really changed over the years so much.

I think that, you know, it's a practice continually.

It's a continuous process.

It never— it, it never stops. What you do for your mental health is a lifelong process. It doesn't stay the same any way than anything else does. It, it is an invitation to keep moving in the direction of what you need now.

It's medicine for me. Yeah, like my, my, the yoga that I do, the exercise that I do, any, any of that is actually medicine. I don't know that I could, I could function without it. In other words, I, I like it.

Take it, take it past medicine. It's actually not medicine, it's life. These are the things that science tells us to do. Science tells us to do this. It's not Western medicine for sure. I think it's just the way we live our life with healthy habits. It's using your brain to think, my body needs to move, it needs to— it needs an answer to the stress and anxiety. You are always invited to take your stress and anxiety and give it a solution, a strategy, a skill, something.

Right.

You don't need to be angry and wound up. There's things to Release that. Just— there's a million, find one.

For sure, for sure. I think that, um, I think that, yeah, I think that I, my— I do have ADHD in that sense. I do find myself splitting from task to task and sometimes not wanting to complete tasks, or, you know, um, um, procrastinating about doing things that I need to get done. I find myself doing that quite a bit and like, you know, not committing to one thing or another. But then the other piece, just like you're doing today, like bringing it back to, you know, what you were talking about, your own ADHD and what you have to get done today. When, when I have to get on track, I really get on track.

So you actually do the same thing as what you just said. You That day where you think you're procrastinating, start changing the language to, oh, which day is it gonna be now? Which day is it all gonna activate? Where I can choose my Friday because I like to be scheduled, you kind of need to wake up in the morning and feel it. So everything that is— you're procrastinating on, Mm-hmm. you're actually connecting to. So that you'll be ready to do it. So your procrastination is you're connecting. My procrastination is I like to work under pressure. I like to have no choice and no distractions. I see this now. I've done that over, and that's how I did my master's, that way. I'm going to need to do that, right, that way. I can't do it during the day. It doesn't work for me. I get distracted by everyone's conversations. Um, So finding a different way to do that, where for you now the invitation is every time you feel procrastination, turn that into connecting. Oh, I'm connected to that. It's coming. I'm ready for you. Oh, I'm feeling you. Oh, that feels good. When are you coming?

Yeah, I feel, I feel like, I mean, I do, I do work well under pressure when I have to, like when I absolutely have to. I think that that That is something I built that skill up, and I definitely, um, you know, I can get things done just like you. I can wait till the last minute and then, fuck, I gotta get everything done, and it gets done.

Okay, um, so turn the energy, turn the energy of that process into positivity. We know we do this, we're okay with it. I don't mind doing it. The rest of the time I get to go have fun. I had so much fun this week. I didn't think once. I didn't work Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. I mean, I did work, but I worked in the way I liked. I didn't have to work—

It was also your birthday.

No, people work on their birthday all the time. I did not look at my computer for 4 days, and in those 4 days, I did a lot of work without technology. I managed to build out a whole operations for a clinic I managed to take everyone's personality and bring out the benefits of each one of them so they can work more cohesively. I managed to put all the ideas together for what I need to do and pack up my condo, put everything away, and organize all of that and get rid of things and drop things off in a week.

Wow.

That is a spectacular week.

Yes, on top of all the emotional stuff that you've been going through.

Oh my God, did I transform! But I think— not but, and I think— and I think the power in that is you witnessing it. First of all, thank you. And same with my— the other people in my life who are seeing what I'm doing. I just pulled the card Chamber of Transformation, by the way. This story is beautiful. I'm gonna send it to you after. Um, all of knowing the energy that I did it while I was having fun, staying calm. I didn't lose my shit once this week. Like, I've been awesome. Even when I lost my phone, which by the way, I found.

What?

Somebody has it on Maverly, it seems. I'm trying to see, like, do I call the police to go get it? I have the address where it is.

Somebody found it and put it on Neighborly?

Um, no, someone has it in— someone has it and I see where it is.

Oh shit.

Right, so I, I don't know if, if some— I don't know if it's still there. Yeah, it's at 206 Mavety Street. I put lost phone on, notify when found. I put that phone on lost, so let's see. Someone has it. I found it, so let's see if I can get it back.

Wow.

Yeah, I might have to send someone. I won't be here. Oh, I don't know if I can do that today. Might be one too many things on my plate. Maybe I can ask the police to go get it. I don't know. I don't really wanna— I feel— I don't feel comfortable getting it myself. I don't know. Anyways, I'm not thinking about that now. That's later. That's number six on my list.

If you have time, yeah.

If I don't, I don't. Again, let it go.

Where is that location?

In Toronto. Again, I could, I could six some sick. I cannot ask somebody to go do it after. It doesn't matter. I'm not thinking about it now. Doesn't matter, I'm good. Out of my head, out of my mind. I have a phone, I'm talking to you. I went to the gym this morning. My place is absolutely so clean, it's ridiculous. It's really hard to live like this.

You know what though, you're gonna— you're gonna go away now and come back and you're gonna be grateful for that, for all of that, that work that you did to tidy up.

Oh yes, oh, so grateful. Just very happy.

You might not, you might not feel it now.

No, no, I totally feel it.

I feel it.

I totally feel it. Like, this place looks great, easy. There's nothing around. A lot of me is gone. Yeah, it's fine. I'm good. Like, again, no emotion, just being.

I'm like, nothing of you is gone, my darling. Oh, nothing of you is gone.

No, no, my things, right? My things don't define me anymore. I don't need them around me to feel full, right? Like, I feel full with none of my things around me. Well, some of my things. Again, see, there's the extreme. With a lot of the things I count on for my safety of my emotions, I'm doing okay.

You're doing more than okay.

Um, I'm just feeling okay today. Today's an okay day. I need— I'm just okay today. It's been a lot, again, extremes. Today's just okay. Tomorrow, maybe tonight, I'll be absolutely fabulous again.

You're always absolutely fabulous.

That's a lot of pressure, Debbie.

No, no, no, no, you can be— you can be absolutely fabulous in a, in a, in a non-extreme way.

That will be next. That will be the integration of this year. Let's see. I could be absolutely fabulous in a non-extreme way. I don't know. My extreme low is very dramatic. My extreme high is very fun. My middle is pretty calm. I don't feel fabulous at calm yet. Until now. And I'm excited to see what's next. I'm feeling positive about what is on the plate for me in my future, even though I have no knowing. I know that the universe has me and that if I just listen and sit still, the continuation of this transformation will continue. And the next card I got was the Ceremony of Life with someone dancing. Go figure.

Everything is always— everything is working out for you, my darling. Everything is working out for you.

For us.

For us, yes.

I like the us.

Okay.

I've been alone for a very long time. I like some us's in there.

Okay.

Yes. Okay.

You have a lot of us's in your life.

I have attracted a lot of us's that are vibrating at the same pace as me right now. I really am excited to see who comes with me on this journey. I know the vibration of some people, that they only— that they, not only, I don't like that word, that's another one. I understand that the vibration of people— what was that? For a reason, a season, and a lifetime, right?

Mm-hmm.

I now understand that that is a vibration of me consistently, especially how fast I move. And where I go, and anyone who enjoyed me will want to stay in touch with me. And if they didn't enjoy me, they'll let me go. I like that healthy version of that now because I meet people every single day, right? It's impossible to be friends with everyone I meet and love.

Right, well, you do a very good job of connecting with people in general. You're a very good connector that way.

Thank you. And now, now it's time to use that really beautiful skill of connecting, which was so much fun for social and popularity and everything else I had in helping my life be okay. Now it's for professional. I want my— I'm, I'm focusing my energy on using my connecting for my professional upgrade.

There we go.

Yes, very excited, very excited. And this week I'm going to just breathe and be still and silent. Do a lot of writing. I have a really good clean notebook ahead of me.

Nice.

I know, right? That's what it's like to tour on a tour bus.

That's really gonna be so much fun.

Yeah, right? I'm really excited.

It's really exciting.

Yes. So I'm thinking, I was like thinking of all the things like how I'm gonna pack so that my mess is contained. Right, so I kind of set myself up. I like— I'm really like taking like the right wires and putting them in the right— I have really good packing things that I haven't been using, so I'm gonna find them all and put them all together now, which was good when I cleaned up. I did a lot of that, so I guess I did pack all week. I packed all the things I need to pack.

Right, and you prepared for that.

I did.

You did?

Yeah, you're right. I have all my wires and all my things, and now I have to look at it differently because I have a new phone with new wires. Yeah, I'm excited.

I'm excited for you.

Yes.

I want to hear— I want to hear— I want to see pictures, and I want to hear about what's going on.

Yeah, I'm going to videotape everything I possibly can, for sure.

Amen.

Yeah, definitely get permission for all of that and whatever else I need. And yeah, it's going to be really such a beautiful experience. I'm quite, uh, I'm quite excited. Pardon?

What a blessing!

Oh, this 53 is a blessing, Debbie. This is the year. This is the year I am being aligned and seen with the golden thread of connection. In the Chamber of Transformation for the Ceremony of Life.

Ooh.

That's the story we got. We got the Projections of Plenty aligned with the Golden Thread. We're being seen. Connection, Chamber of Transportation, and the Ceremony of Life. This is a beautiful story. Wow, look at that, Deb. We did it.

We did it.

No, we really did it. Oh, I'm— we really did it.

Hold on.

Okay, I'm turning this off. Thank you for sharing and caring with us, and thank you, Debbie, for being so brave this morning.

You did it.

We've been practicing for this for a really long time. Having these conversations, and I think we're both in the place of transformation, that we're going in the right direction. Thank you for sharing and caring. Shawna Lynne.