April 22, 2025

Here's a really interesting— with the iPad, I never know where to look. Here's a really interesting conversation I was having today when someone said, my partner wants to learn how to talk more verbally in bed. Does anyone have any ideas? And I started to think like, yes, I do actually. Tons of ideas. There are so many ways that we can learn how to express ourselves in bed, and it is most— one of the most uncomfortable ways of communicating is expressing your needs in bed. So if I'm gonna bring it to like Okay, I think I need to draw it to explain it, so let's see if I can figure this out for a second. You're sitting on the couch and you want to have intimate relations with your partner, so you're sitting there and you kind of like, you know, there's a move, a dance that starts to happen. You kind of know where it's going, usually. Everyone has their like moves. We don't talk about like, hey, are you ready now to go into the bedroom? It's kind of like we're scared to put it out there— rejection. So instead we kind of like dance around it. It's so annoying because everyone's guessing and you're already— your nervous system is not so feeling so secure. So you're like, do I want to? Do I not? How far are we? Like, you start to think, and you're not thinking out loud. You're thinking in your head, and they're thinking in their head, and chances are you're not thinking the same thoughts. So already we're at an imbalance of miscommunication before we even start. And then the kiss starts. So I start to think, and I would hope others follow suit. Is, are we staying here? Is this going to be one on the couch? How dirty am I going to get? Am I clean? Am I dry? Like, I have a million thoughts in my head. Am I going to be able to do that transition as I go to bed? Do I want to lead? Is he going to lead? Like, there's a thought process. Now, this isn't conscious. This isn't like thinking about your thoughts thinking. This is just bing, bing, bing, bing, bing in my head. These are the thoughts that pop up. I have answers to all of them. I know how to manipulate a situation for me to be okay with all of my needs, but it is a conversation I'm having in my head with myself while my partner is trying to encourage me to be sexy. We're already in miscommunication. When we haven't talked about our feelings, our bodies, consent, what we want, it's an act of sex rather than a conversation, a communication, to be able to take off our clothes and connect in safety, knowing We know what could happen and we can stop at any time in our power of knowing our body and recognizing what we want. Any partner can have that ability. So that conversation comes from understanding what we want. It comes from talking about sex. So before we can be verbal in the bedroom, And use words like, oh yeah, oh baby, I want your hard cock. Oh, I love your shaft up and down rubbing on my thighs. Like, that's not vocabulary that I think of every day. It's not like in my head. My head's like, I really want to feel that inside of me. I want to have an orgasm. Yay! I'm not thinking about my shopping list. I'm not thinking about the words that are going to make this experience deeper and better if that's what my partner needs. Sometimes we don't know what our partner needs because they haven't told us. We have not had the conversation about sex outside of the bedroom, sitting on the couch, Hey, how do you like me to arouse you? What is your desire at night? What would you like to do? I'm like, well, I'd love a massage. As soon as you start massaging me, I'm in. But like, I'm lying there and my body's tight. I've been sitting all day. I want to stretch. I don't really want to lie on my back with my legs in the air. That doesn't feel good for my body. But if you made my body feel good, then I'd want to do the next activity. If you would like me to feel intimate and connected to you, then sitting on the couch connecting in our mind, having a great conversation about a possibility of mindfulness that came up today, that is stimulating to me. And that is sexy. And then you start kissing me, I'm gonna melt. As soon as you stimulate my brain and go for my mouth, I'm in. Or do you want to be raunchy and there's no kissing or talking and you're coming in with that aggressive energy? It really is any way that you want to be, just let me know. I would like to be prepared for the energy that you would like me to meet you. Or maybe there's a place where you can ask me what kind of energy I'm feeling, and that could lead the way. Sometimes there's no ability for the conversation, and then if I talk about it, it's like, you're not being spontaneous. I'm like, you're right, I'm not. I don't like spontaneous sex. I don't like spontaneous anything because I'm unprepared, and when I'm unprepared, I don't feel good. And when I feel— don't feel good, I personally can't have the best time that I want. I like to be prepared. Being prepared for me goes with my ADHD. Being prepared for me goes with my need to be energetic in my experiences, and that energy throughout the day builds my sexuality and my interest in intimacy. So if we go out and the weather elements do not match the clothing we are wearing and I am cold or wet Or feeling at ease because I'm wearing layers and bras and socks and things, then my sensuality, my attachment to my body, is not gonna be good. And chances are, if I'm gonna move into that intimacy, I will need a lot of energy from my partner to draw me in. Otherwise, I'm very happy in my closed-down, I'm cold, leave me alone attitude. Good. I'm fine. I'm okay. I could have days like that, but days like that don't go with sex. That's a big part of this. So if you go back to wanting to have those conversations in the bedroom— I personally talk all day. In the bedroom, I don't really want to talk about what you're doing to me. I don't want to explain how good it feels when your pieces are touching me. I would like to lie there with my eyes closed and experience every nerve that is being ignited, activated. When I find that place of intimacy, desire, sensuality, I have put effort into training my mind to go through my chakras and balance in a sense of foundation and grounding in my belly, in my gut. This is gonna feel good. I am going to receive the pleasure that I am excited about receiving. My body is going to react to the other person in a vibration of— Pleasure. Desire and pleasure. That is the way that I would like to have sex, and it's happened many times. That is a pattern of behavior for an activity— whoops— that I desire, that I love. Sex is a hobby that I love and I learned how to love it more in the last chapter, and now it's figuring out what am I going to take forward with sex. So if you want to talk about sex and you would like to learn how to communicate in a sexual language that increases desire, arousal, intimacy, tenderness, And ends up with better connection in intercourse. If that is a journey you would like to take, it is an education. It is learning and trying and putting effort and hard work into building the persona of a sensual human. In order for that vocabulary to come out of you, When you're lying in bed vulnerable and naked. You have to feel it with your clothes on with the person if you want it to be in those moments. If you do it every day with like just one-night stands, fucking for sports, fucking, that kind of stuff, okay, then you're just like, it's a persona, you're good at it, keep doing it. But if you are that person that connects in different ways and would like more of that sensual sexuality and like to be more of a temperate warrior in the bedroom, it is— for males and women, it is a language. It is a way of communicating, and it starts on the couch. It starts in a way of asking questions and learning your partner, learning their fingers. Learning their arms, learning who they are and what their body needs and desires in order to stay. And now, if you are partnered for decades, then things have changed for your partner. I really hope and invite you to go in and ask them, what's different now? Is there anything I can do better? Mel Robbins had a beautiful podcast with a sex therapist I think Vanessa Veronica and Chris was asked what he wanted, and he asked what he could do better for Mel. That is the place we want to be. What do we want to do for our partner? I've learned that sex can be a hobby and could be a very healthy part of your life. There is a place where it is an addiction, there is a place where we can withdraw from it, and there is a place where we can enjoy it. And you can build your own relationship with sex any way that you want. Everything is possible now in this world with what is going on around us and what we see. There is every possibility to match with someone in sensuality, in Eros, Eroticism in a way to connect that is outside of intercourse. Let's take the act of actual sex just off the table. The act of sharing your parts intimately is one level of sex. We all know that one. But what about all the other places? What What about the place where there is this need to be touched erotically? I love my body to be honored. There is a lot of work that I put into keeping my body fit and sexy for me as much as for the admiration of others. It is part of my vanity. I like having a good body, and I for years have been putting this negative thought into my head because I felt bad— again, shame— for being granted the gift of a beautiful body. My genetics worked in my favor. I'm so grateful. Gratitude every day. That was my starseed card today: gratitude. I also Will tell you how much work I put into it. I eat healthy. Here is sweet potatoes, lemons, tomato, avocado, grapes, nuts. Those are my snacks. There is no junk food in my house other than some dark chocolate. We all need a little fix, but other than that, it is a healthy place where there are no distractions from my goal. I would not bring in food that I do not want to eat because I will eat it. I don't have that control. I don't have the energy for that control. Just don't have it. Don't put it in front of me. Don't give me that reason for failing. And then there's the amount of exercise. Well, I've set up my condo over and over again to be able to move, and today when I had a friend over, I sat and I stretched and I did weights and I stood here and I Moved my legs and I stood up today because movement and stretching is part of sensuality, is part of desire and sex. How do we have sex if we don't like our bodies? How do we invite someone in to pleasure us if we're thinking negative thoughts about the places that are getting pleasure? Well, if I was worried about someone going down to my pussy That I was so anxious about opening my legs to vulnerability, the outcome and reward of the pleasure would not be equal to what I was expecting because my body was not letting it be. In order to have the act of orgasms with someone else, there is this beautiful space where you believe that your body is glorious and that it deserves to be loved and honored and touched and brought into a place of tenderness and care Where you feel like the other person is looking at you and going, yeah, I want to be with you. Yeah, I do. Yeah. That is a face that I practiced in the mirror a lot, and sometimes it works. I have had responses from that face in positive ways. That is the face that I am very attracted to you, I'm really enjoying what you bring to the table, I feel so good when you're near me, and I— you touch me and my body tingles. And my body can tingle for a lot of different people, it just doesn't have to be one man. There are connections I make with humans that also give me this sensation. Sometimes sitting across from a powerful woman, I get this beautiful sensation. Sitting with someone who's so like-minded and we come up with something so cool, like out in nature, I feel this sensation. I feel the sensation of Excitement, awe, often just in regular world things, which is why I can also access that feeling in the bedroom. It's really hard to be open. We are scared. It takes so much courage to invite people to touch you, to be in your space, to share. Your most vulnerable parts with other people. And then we get in this groove and we don't know how to talk about things we want to change. Like, do you want to be a little dirty, a little kinky? Do you want a different position? Do you want to try something? Does somebody want some leadership? Do you want to try a costume, a role play, some ropes? Like, what are some of your fantasies and desires? Maybe you don't have any because you never really thought about having them. If there hasn't been conversation around you about sex, then why would— and you, you're not curious about it, then maybe you're not even looking at what's out there. Like, I'm curious about sex all the time, and What I have seen and learned out there and what I have been taught over time by some of the people in my life is fabulous. I didn't know it was all possible. And as my courageous curiosity self, I try it all, see what I like, see where I feel good, see where I get to do things that I love in my life. I didn't even know that I like things that I like, you know. I learned my confidence on a Bliss cruise, a cruise where people get naked. I didn't know that we had those things. And then you look at other people on that cruise. There were couples that came on it that had no idea there was a swingers world. They just thought it was an adults-only cruise. They did not go in and look at the pieces, and they got on there and they were like deers in headlights. They're like, what do we do? Me, I was like, you do anything you want. Keep your clothes on, go in the corner, watch people, ask questions. You are on a cruise with another 2,300 curious people. This is the place where you test out Whatever thoughts are in your head, like, wow, there is a world out there I didn't even know, and that world is just another beautiful place where people grow in different ways. And then there was a tantric festival that I attended. Wow, another beautiful community of sexual energy and people who are like-minded. A lot of feminine, masculine energy, people moving in and out of being animals and meditative states. Wow. I was so overwhelmed, I could not decide what personality of sexuality I wanted to be. I froze. I really had a hard time letting go. of this belief that I had to figure out who I was instead of just letting it go. I was very, um, held up in my own limiting beliefs, and what a difference over the last 6 months have I let that go. I jumped into a whole nother realm of sexual energy And identity. Oh, there you go, your sexual identity, right? Like, can you be very vanilla and kinky? Can you be kinky and clean? Can you be non-monogamous and kinky? Like, what level of kink? Do you believe that some of this BDSM is healthy? Or do you believe it's all really scary? Like, where is your courage to even have those conversations about like what you like? There's a fetish alphabet. Who would know that there's a whole alphabet of fetishes that you can go through? Like, what a great understanding and learning to even know that these things exist, that people want these things, that they turn them on. It all comes from your story, from your history, and how you interacted with sex. Where is your loneliness, your relationship? So if you go back to that whole piece of how do you learn to talk in the bedroom, first explore your sexual identity, then start to understand your sexual energy. And then your sexual, um, entity. How much are you giving to the act of sex in a day, in a week? Is it part of your activity? Is it an added bonus? Does the person you're having it with, or the people you're having with, do they understand the level of intimacy you would So sometimes a date could be a level of intimacy where you masturbate next to each other. Sometimes a level of intimacy could be you talk about your fantasies while you lie naked, but there's no touching of parts. There's just the anticipation of what could be, and you talk in vulnerability about what you want, but your body reacts without touching. There are videos you can watch and courses you can take and places you can go where you can do that. There are dating sites for more than one person where you can explore and go and have a conversation the same way you did when you started to date in the first place. There are levels of interest that you can take in order to learn what it is To be more than just a person looking for sex. Where does the act of sexuality, sensuality, eros, intimacy, tenderness, care, responsibility, expectations, obligation, relationship Definition and identity— where do they all fit in? What is your conflict, your comfort, and your curiosity? How are you going on that journey of exploration to get where you want to go? Do you have an outcome, or are you excited to see where your journey takes you? Some people see something and they want to learn how to get there. Some people start to go and look at something and go, oh, can I try that? You know, there are so many ways to figure out what works for you. One of the things that I have put in practice for myself was the need to dance more sensual than like hardcore because it actually really hurts my hips and I was coming home feeling really bad every night. And I was burning calories, but my body was hurting and my feet were hurting. So is there a way to move my body more functionally, to actually do the movements I need for exercise and look sexy on the dance floor? That was important to me. So I came up with some movements where I'm moving my shoulders and then I'm bringing it in. And I'm moving my hips different ways and moving my butt. It seems to be a focal point of many. I might as well be proud of it. I'm not there to hide it. I have a really nice butt. I wear tight jeans. It wiggles when I dance. People stare at it. Okay, thank you. Thank you for making me feel good. Thank you for knowing that the 100 squats I do a day makes a difference. That this bubble butt that I was born with, that I probably hated for many years, is now part of my identity. Isn't that interesting? People actually describe me often with my butt, which is quite funny, and I actually love it, so even better. And there were a couple of times where I was jealous of other people's, but now I understand that mine is pretty awesome. And that it attracts a lot of attention. Okay, great. I could hide it, or I can enjoy it. Well, enjoying it makes me feel sexier and better. Wouldn't I want to choose that? So if I go out and I feel sexier and better, and I know people are looking at my butt— okay. I look at women's breasts all the time. If you wear something with cleavage like this Well, like, of course people are gonna look. It's sexy. I'm drawn to this. I want to put my fingers down. I'm a sexual human. When I see cleavage, I want to go in. Most men do too. So we know this. Women still wear it. So what do we do, right? We just— if you're gonna wear it, you know you're gonna attract it. Just enjoy it. No shame or guilt. Cleavage is beautiful. Butts are beautiful. They are all beautiful parts of our body. We need to celebrate it and, and move the shame out of the way. And that comes right back to what do you know and what do you do with sex? Where's your identity? What do you believe in? What are your limiting beliefs? What does your inner child say? Where is your trauma and your pain? If you know that you are getting great sex and you are loving it, Put some boundaries on the rest of that relationship and stay with it. Don't give it up. If you are getting good sex, just put it in a container. It doesn't have to be anything. Remember our wish jar? We can put it in the wish jar, right? Add your well wishes to messages to the wish jar. I wish that I can find a man with all of the pieces I am looking for. I'm not sure that man exists. Why do I think that? Because the man who is emotional and really good at self-care isn't usually the one that has put a lot of time and effort into chasing women and having sex for sex. They put a lot more time into the tenderness and care of relationships. And the men who are having sex and, you know, going out there and connecting in energy and emotion Often are great at sex, but they're missing that piece of connection, emotion, um, intellectually, that brings you to the next level. So is there a man that has the ability to have great conversation and great sex? Respect that my independence is utmost of importance and that I come first all the time. And if we have a plan and something happens, I'm choosing whatever I need to choose. Nothing to do with you. I always choose me first. Those are my level of commitments to relationships. I'm rebuilding them my way. I've given in relationships more than 50% of myself. I would say even probably 75% of me to them over time in this change of compromise because it was easier for me to adapt. I'm so adaptable. I love it. I love learning and trying new things and seeing, but no more, no more. I am 100% me, and people can integrate in or invite me into their life, and I will make that decision based on the moment of time with that person and what I need then. And anything I want is— anything I need is mine. I'm not going to apologize for it. I am going to change my mind if I want to. And I can say no at any time, and those are okay. Those are okay for me to do that. It doesn't— it isn't going to impact me if the person on the other side is mad or angry. That is theirs. They can take that and leave my space, my house, my life with their mad and their anger. If I'm allowed to have an opinion, a thought, and change my mind whenever I want I do it with the utmost respect to my emotions in the moment. And can I move past this, or is this something that is integrating? Do I need this? I am very conscious about the decisions I make every day, and that respect of my decisions in every way, including sex. And I think that is something I have never had before. Is that power of my voice in control of that, that experience? Huh, that was a new piece of information that I just came up with. I think I just understood that I can have control. I actually think I just did that this weekend. I really did. Huh, I did it. I've been practicing it out loud in my space. I've been practicing it out loud with my friends. Me and ChatGPT have been having this conversation often. What does no feel like and sound like? Can you guide me into saying no a different way? Is there a way for my To self-regulate, to come back to the energy of the emotion that I was in before something in my brain took me away, or smell, a feeling, a sensation. Sometimes my gut just says stop, and I'm not sure why, but there has to do with some kind of energy that I'm expelling that someone is needing that I don't want to give. That is a place that I have learned. And if I stop in that moment and honor myself, I feel good and strong, and I continue to grow on that path of responsibility to me, to who I am and what I— the journey I am on. A lot of I, me, me, me, and I, I and me, me and I. If we are going to be sexual in our lives And share our vulnerability and our bodies with someone and demand the respect that goes with that sexual intimacy. And we keep that on the continuum of sharing energy and respecting each other. It is required to do that in authenticity and honesty. No assumptions. Seriously. Like I know what I need. If I'm coming over, I would like to have sex this way. I would like to go to bed at this time. I would like to know that I am going to get this out of that. That is a purpose and an outcome. It's the same with a therapy session. When you come in, you know you want to leave with a different perspective. An hour of sex is the same thing. I want to leave with a different perspective, something in my body In our connection has shifted. There needs to be an outcome for both of us unless we go in and it's just about you. Be selfish and say, "You know what? I just want to give to you tonight. Can I just be the receiver today? Can it just be about me?" What if we can have those conversations instead of being like, "Okay, I guess I'll do this so I can get that," right? Like, think about. Whoo, I wore a sweater for a long time today. I tried. So think about what you need to do to be able to talk about sex with somebody. Where do you need to start? Seriously, it's a really hard conversation. It's really, really hard to talk about sex, and it is very challenging to figure out where to start and what's okay and what's right. And what's in your head is actually what you think. If you have not had sex yet and you would really like it and you are scared to even think about what you need to do to get there, then let's talk about it. Let's figure that out. What do you need to get over the anxiety? If you don't know if you're good, you can go somewhere and find out. That's easy. Pay someone to teach you how to do it the first time. Again, like, it's not dirty, it's smart. Learn how to have sex well. Learn how to please a woman. that you're not attached to. Learn how to please a man that you're not attached to. If you're nervous about it, go have some with someone that is a sex worker. They are trained to help you figure out how to enjoy sex. If there is something in your vagina that's hurting you, go to a pelvic physiotherapist. If your penis is not working, then go to a naturopath and figure out what you need to have the energy and testosterone or memory to get hard. Know where your desire comes from. There are stories that I have of people that have not had virility for a long time until they are coming across something that sparks their mind, that opens up their heart. It has to be something like Bing! That gets you. But are you open and available to receive the bing? Are you ready for it? Are you courageous enough, if you see it coming, to open up and say, I'm gonna try this? Have you gone anywhere out there and explored what it's like to be around sex? Just go as a voyeur, keep your clothes on, sit there creepy at the bar, it doesn't matter. Put on a mask if you really want. Go with someone, go on a tour. There are so many things you can do to find out about sex, it's unbelievable. But if you want your partner to talk dirty in the bedroom, it's a bigger conversation than that. It's a conversation that needs attention and focus From another perspective, either someone like me, someone in sex education like my friend Sabrina, ChatGPT, or somebody in the community. But please go out there and be curious and have that conversation. It's so important to set the foundation for your intimacy for the rest of your life. Unless you want to be alone. If you are happy alone and you want to stay alone, but if you watch any, you know, autism on the spectrum, love on the spectrum, they talk out loud about what they're looking for. So do I. It's no different. We can talk about what we want. There's no shame in it. I would like to know that if you're coming over to have sex, what kind of sex would you like to have? I'd like to put myself in the headspace to know what my body is expecting. Isn't that okay? I think so. I would like to know if we are starting on the counter, if we're starting in the bedroom, if you'd like a slow, steady start from the couch. Are we going to dance first, maybe do some stretching and get naked? What is the energy of our experience together? If we were playing pickleball, we would have all those questions, right? What time are we meeting at the court? How long are we gonna play? Did you eat first? Did you want to do this? Are we playing outdoor? Which court? A million questions. If we're going for dinner, where are we going? What time are we leaving? Is it just you and me? Blah blah blah. There's questions. I have the same questions about sex. I feel that's Having sex, intimacy, desire, eros, any of those words. And when I say sex, it's not just intercourse, it's the whole activity of connecting in intimacy. For me, that needs a whole conversation. I want to know if you're coming over here and we're just going to sit on the couch and you're not really in the mood, then I'm probably not gonna shower for you. If you needed me to shower, I'm gonna just stay in my sweatpants because I'm not impressing you. You're coming here to hang out with me, not have sex with me, and then I can just be me. If you're coming here to have sex with me, I'd like to put on my persona so that I shift my mind from a workday to a sexual energy. It is a whole power play for me. It is a whole energy of possibility, conversation, communication, my sexual identity, who I am, what I like. What I need that day, and we can set that up in a conversation before you come here. When I was on the way to a friend's house the other day, I sent a little sexy message from the car. I was feeling so sensual. We had been flirting back and forth for days, weeks, and that the energy of that connection was coming, and I was so excited. And in the car, I was thinking about all the things we talked about and what it would— like, how that fantasy in my head would actually play out. Oh, it was beautiful. And in the car, and I kind of like did that sexy voice that I've been practicing. Hey baby, I am so excited to see I can't wait to feel everything we talked about. Oh, I'm just thinking about it. Not bad, huh? Took me a long time to be able to say that sentence without laughing. A long time. And the person on the other end was like, that message was amazing. I'm like, yay, I did it! It felt good sending it. Like, I want to walk in with that feeling of sensuality between us. I'm like a pretty big powerhouse. I'm quite like masculine in my energy, and I could be really excitable. It's hard to be like soft and sensual. So I've been practicing slowly moving in a sensual manner. So So that, that tenderness is so much better. I watched porn to get all of that. I don't know that on my own. That is a role I am playing. So do you want to learn how to get comfortable with that? Are you looking to learn how to be sensual, sexual, how to ask for what you want? Like, I'd really like you to pleasure me today. I would like you to spend 30 minutes on my body without touching my pussy. Can you do that? Challenge them. Why can't that be something I ask for? They're like, yeah, I could do that. And of course, they start to, like, move in there, and I'm like, oh no, boundaries on, baby. Stay away. From the special places. The rest of my body would like some attention and energy. There's all of me that likes to be touched. And that's what happens. That's the energy of what comes when you put in the effort of finding the role of what you need to be sensual, to feel sexy, To want to have sex, intercourse, or be naked with somebody in pleasure and joy, vulnerability, and no shame and guilt, right? Isn't that that place? So when we go right back to the first question, I want my partner to talk dirty to me in bed. Great, let's go, let's start. Come here, sit on the couch, let's talk dirty. See what it feels like to talk dirty together. Let's see if we can get the words out, how we can nurture that conversation and see if it even sounds good out loud. And then let's learn the vocabulary that you like that turns you on. I bet you there are words that you didn't even know are out there. And then let's come up with a script that you can use to start practicing this. And then let's see where that feels. Does your sensuality Increase? Do you feel better? Does anything change in your relationship? Can you be different in the bedroom without that verbal? Is there another way? Like, I can breathe with a lot of moans and groans now. It's really hard for me to make noise sometimes, but I figured out where my noises can come from through breathwork. I've done some breathwork courses and practicing Because I can't breathe out of my nose, it's hard for me to engage in an orgasm with my mouth and noise if I can't breathe through my nose. So I've learned to elicit noise through my breathing, through my mouth, through my desire and arousal when I'm coming up to an orgasm, so that I can continue making the noises and not be like I used to just hold my breath, and that is really bad for your neck. The chiropractor said, do not hold your neck through— do not hold your breath through an orgasm. Breathe through it. I went to the chiropractor because my neck was hurting from sex. That's not a good thing. So we fix it, we move it, we share it, we do it. There's always a way around it. If you want to talk about it, so go talk about it. Go out there and find a podcast. Listen to erotic podcasts. Read a book. Listen to Dr. Jess. Go on and listen to Mel Robbins. She has a couple of podcasts. Start getting curious, right? See what's out there. If you have some big whole big hangups. Go do some psychedelics at Atmesina and go move that stuff so that you too can feel the pleasure of joy of where you want to go and who you want to be sexually. Like, there is a world out there beyond the constraints of norm. There is this, um, Oh, what was the word? Ethical non-monogamy on dating sites. I'm going to explore that, but we do not want to be connected to one person in codependency in our relationships anymore. It seems to be very unsafe putting all of our energy into one person and it not working, and then this level of heartbreak and breakdown and more time to heal than It's so much work. So what if you manage some relationships and expectations differently from here on out? And as you build and get to know somebody a little slower, with more discernment, thinking about your energy emotionally, energetically, tantric, sapiosexual, all of those pieces, your identity and their identity How they actually think about other people and openly give in an energetic way. Do they share energy, or are they a different vibration than what you're looking for? And maybe you need a few different vibrations. I have thought about that for me, to have 4 vibrations, one weekend a month with one man. During the week, I don't need anyone near me. I'm really good. And on the weekends, I kind of like one day, one night with somebody, a couple of phone calls here and there, sharing some stories. So do I want the same man every weekend? Probably not. I'd like different experiences. Right now there is some energies around me that have some really cool vibrations, and I am exploring slowly and surely what those all feel like. I don't know what I wanted next. I did 2 relationships one way. They both did not end in the way I had hoped. So now it's a totally shift in what I'm looking for, and sex is a big part of it. It, it is part of my vibration and something I need. So where does that fit into relationships and monogamy and vib— identity and sexual knowledge and what I feel is ethical every day. I don't know, but we're on this journey together, so let's go. Let's see what it looks like, what it feels like, and how we're doing. Right now it's just me and a lot of dating, a lot of exploration, a lot of energy exchanging. A lot of learning and boundary setting, a lot of being uncomfortable and saying that's okay, better you than me. Oh, that is not a people pleaser sentence, and that is what I'm working on— setting the boundaries for me to enjoy my sexual exploration and need for ecstasy in the bedroom in the best way that I can, in the safest way, with humans who really respect me and believe in what I'm doing and why I come to the table with this conversation, honesty and authenticity. It is unique, I know. It is out there, I know. But maybe that's what's needed right now— somebody like me. Shawna Lynne, here we go. 5 Flow Journey. Identity and sexuality. Woohoo!