Shawna Lynne Delulu TodayFounder & Creator, Delulu Today · Stuck in your head? Get curious | Founder @ DeLuLu Today | Human-to-human support, $1/min | Shifting 4,000+ nervous systems through education, psychology, neurodiversity & lived experience | Users & p

Boundaries that define the ME in the Us.

12 Aug 2025 · 5 min

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5:06

In this solo monologue, Shawna Lynne Delulu Today explores the nature of personal boundaries, describing how they arise from uncomfortable feelings that signal a need for conversation. She explains that when a boundary is set, the uncomfortable feeling is intended to stay out, but if the individual is overly sensitive they may revert to enabling behavior, losing the power of the boundary. Shawna outlines two typical reactions when a boundary causes discomfort: the ego‑driven withdrawal of the other person and the boundary‑setter’s need to sit with the lingering unease. She proposes responding to boundary breaches with love and gratitude, framing the act of stating discomfort as a courageous risk that deserves appreciation. The talk emphasizes that healthy relationships develop boundaries dynamically, not only at the outset, and that mutual acknowledgment of the boundary strengthens connection. Shawna also connects personal responsibility to collective well‑being, noting that everyone shirks responsibilities and that setting boundaries is essential for mental, physical, and emotional health. She likens boundaries to lifestyle limits—diet, sleep, media consumption—positioning them as uncomfortable but necessary opposites of addiction, urging continual practice despite discomfort.

Chapters

Someone is always uncomfortable in a boundary. When we set boundaries, it is because a situation requires a conversation. There was an interaction that didn't feel good for somebody. That's where the boundary starts. When A bad feeling is here. We set a boundary so that it doesn't come in again. No bad feeling getting in. You have the bad feeling, then you set the boundary, so the bad feeling goes here. Now this bad feeling is pushing against the other person. Now that other person might push it back, and if you're a sensitive soul and struggle with boundaries, you will probably take it back, give it some love, and then it becomes an enabling tactic, not a boundary. And you've lost power in setting a boundary and understanding that the uncomfortableness needs to Sit in the air. Sometimes uncomfortableness could sit for days, and when uncomfortableness sits for days because boundaries are set and someone is uncomfortable, there's two reactions: the one where ego gets hurt and we withdraw, and the person who was uncomfortable who set the boundary. Now has to deal with her, their, the, the uncomfortableness, the uncomfortableness that they set out to begin with, and the other person's reaction, which is usually a negative one— ego— where they withdraw, close in, get offended, like retract. What about when you are uncomfortable Go in with extra love. Imagine hitting a barrier with love. Wow, thank you for taking the risk of saying that. Thank you for stopping us from getting in a bigger fight. I really appreciate that you can do that. When there are healthy individuals in a relationship, Boundaries are set as we go. We can't start setting them from the beginning. There's a few core ones, of course, but the boundaries of interacting, communicating, dancing, anything to do with sex is about making the boundaries, cultivating the conversation and the boundaries in the moment. The only thing is missing is the other person's return of affection and gratitude for stating the uncomfortable thing in the first place. It is really challenging to set a boundary. To put the words in my mouth and put uncomfortable in front as a situation is terrifying. It's so much easier just To make it okay by enabling, avoiding conflict, isn't it? Not for me. I've learned that if I put it on the table, everyone's uncomfortable, including me. I'm okay with that. I don't want to be the only one anymore. Everyone around me has been shirking their responsibilities. Including me, I'm in the same mix. We're all the same. It's not not there's no judgment comparison. It's just like we need to do better with our health, our mental health, our physical health. So if we are setting boundaries of conversations, then I'm tired of not talking about anything. So. That was a boundary. Boundaries in relationships, in friendships, with myself, with my time, with my schedule. I love to work. Boundaries are uncomfortable. Anytime you set a boundary, it's the same as setting limitations— going on a diet, going to sleep early, turning off the TV. Boundaries are the opposite of addictions. They are uncomfortable forever and always. Still do them. Says me.