Get Off the Couch: Find Purpose, & Explore All the Possibilities of Movement, Fun, and Activities

Share your screen with your audience. Click this button to share your browser. Okay, good to know. Okay, so I am streaming live on YouTube at the same time as I'm on Instagram. So I'm on live Instagram showing how I'm starting my YouTube Live. What am I doing? This is insane. Again, courage and bravery at a whole new level. This is like inviting all of my fears into my system. Okay, yesterday in my energetic healing with Stacy Tessis— freaking amazing— with my understanding that My brain is on fire through my conversations with Michelle and Debbie and Joy and Stacy, those beautiful minds that evolve and grow. We all share a different perspective on life, and we are all working towards finding that place of passion and balance. Of where we want to be, where we want to go, and staying in the present at the same time. There is systems of oppression holding us hostage to rules and responsibilities that are uncomfortable. What's on my wall that you see? Can you read it backwards? Oh, you can actually read it the right way in YouTube. Not in Instagram. In Instagram it's backwards, but in YouTube it's the right way, so I can write at the same time. That's good because I want to make some pictures. I think that will be fun. I'm just playing right now. I have no idea what I'm talking about. This is like all my anxiety, just exposure therapy. Do what makes you the most scared. What's the worst thing can happen? You already are so terrified of this. This has been holding me back for years. When YouTube first came out, I wanted to be the person that plays with Barbies. I built a Barbie house for Emily, like 4 stories of my— like, I couldn't imagine paying $100 for plastic. I built my own. It was 4 stories with white shelving, and it had tiles and carpet and curtains and a staircase and an elevator. We had a— I had a good time building it. I was very creative. I bought like all these little tools. It was so fun. And then she played in her Barbie room for hours. Oh my God, I could have left her in there till 16. In hindsight, I'm sorry I took your Barbies away, Emily. I really am. You could have kept them forever. I think that was a big mistake on my part, but what did I know? We needed to get out there and Do other things, but I think that was a place of safety, right? And Ethan had a Hot Wheels room for a while, and that was so fun. And we built things in there up and down the walls, and you didn't have to break it apart. It was so cool. I love that part of parenting. Oh, that stuff goes by so fast. And now with technology, we're missing it. Like, with technology, when are you playing with your friends, with your kids? Like, really building, doing Lego? When's the last time you like took out dominoes and pick up sticks? I love that stuff. My kids needed therapy all the time to learn language, so the only way that I could handle working with them consistently to teach them language over and over was to play. We made games. I put the alphabet going all the way up the stairs, so you needed to say it every time you went up and down the stairs. And then there was the idioms that hung from my kitchen fixture. Idioms are things like, every cloud has a silver lining. What the fuck does that mean? Seriously. Like, to somebody who needs concrete, that's abstract. Do you know how many abstract sayings we use in our education system? I have a whole book of abstract sayings. Like, ridiculous. I did my whole master's degree on the language of the curriculum people don't know at home. With my ADHD, I seem to have lost that whole document and the online version. Could you believe I lost my whole master's thesis? I know it's somewhere, and I guess the universe, please find it and send it back to me. But it's somewhere, I just gotta look for it. Maybe it's in my locker, it could be, but I thought it was in my condo. Again, That's on my parking list. I should put that on my parking list. Look for— because I think about it now and then I'm gonna forget. So which one? We're gonna put it here on the parking list. Oh, you can't see me, I'm out of your sight. Here we go. Here's gonna be a parking list. Insurance, I did that. Something cost, I have no idea. Purchases, track, and people. I have no idea what that list is. Honestly, I have no idea what that list is. Oh, that's how I want to organize things, with all costs. All— that's an all costs purchases. I want to track all my purchases. That word should come first. And I want to track the people I meet because I keep meeting beautiful people and I have a stack of cards and I haven't reached out to any of them. So overwhelming. And these are all the things that I need to look up. Susan Brafton, Valerie Lipovetsky, Marcus Aurelius, and Charles Darwin. And then Gabor Maté, I'm going to see. I sent Gail the Bellwood presentation. I wanna talk about vulnerable and valuable. And does my memoir, does my— oh, is my story gonna be with my story first, Or the development first? Which one comes first? Development of what Five Flow is and then my story? Or is— so is it a self-development book or is it a memoir? I actually have to choose that. That's a really big decision. I don't even know how to make it. It could be either way. I don't know which would sell more. Again, neither— none of them are going to sell because you've got to do all the marketing for your own book. So nothing's really going to sell unless I market. That means I have to sell my book. I don't even like selling myself. So what do you do? I don't know. Again, I'm going to take a couple more courses over the summer and meet up with all these authors. Hold on. Shannon Talbot, Matt Rogers, Joe Lyons Rising, Michelle Melville Cashin. Those are the people also that I'd like to look out to. So where do you put those in your schedule? That's networking, and that's online networking, not even in person. And those are people from the past that I still want to look at, not even the people that I'm meeting every day. So do I close down meeting new people? Oh, I don't want to do that. That's how I stay, like, happy. I just met another person yesterday, and everyone is welcome into my group. So maybe I just need a space Megan Boyce, you have that amazing space. Whenever it's not used, can I just get people to meet there to eradicate loneliness? I don't want to charge. I don't want to have to organize. I want to just be like, online today, your space is empty. If you want to get out of your house, let's go. One area will have games. Another area will have a place to talk, maybe some jamming. Anyone who is neurodiverse, awkward, doesn't want to commit to something, pop-up social spaces, meeting new people, maybe we can do that. And then if you meet me in person and you want to work with me, you hire me to help you find one part of your life that you really just want to like blow up and get motivated in. Which part do you want to be? Because I'm working on all of them right now, so I'm working on my boards. I actually— here's the fun stuff. Oh my God, I'm gonna put it out there right now online. So scary. Today is the day. Today's the day. I just decided today's the day I am totally being vulnerable to my future dream. Rob Geller, Do Bold Things, put it out there on LinkedIn and he has exploded from that. He is a really good role model, great community builder. And I went to Speaker Slam and I met Rena, and that's a good community and a lot of learning there. She invited me to Rob's conference, which I went to, Do Bold Shit. It was awesome, I loved it. And I went there and I was bold. I wore pink pants and I was like energetic, and I brought my energy to a community that I never met. And I was welcomed and it felt so good. It really did. Felt awesome actually. From that community, I met a couple of people and the one that I'm working with, Kat— oh my God, I have to learn her last name. Megolis. There's an M and a G and an L. Dyslexia. Unless I say it 10 times out loud, I don't remember it. So Kat, I will honor your name eventually sometime today. I hired her to be my book publisher to get me accountable to the end. She has amazing experience. She's really good at it, and she's a great coach and wants to be personable. It's more than a job to her. It's a passion. And I have joined her street team to promote her great book that she has put out there in a vulnerable manner. It took her a long time to publish her own book even though this is what she does. And I'm so proud of her and I'm so proud to be part of her community. So one connection led to another each time I took a risk. Speaker Slam was a risk, man. I stood on stage and like, go look at it on YouTube, I totally forgot what I was saying. I used Shawn as great accessibility and I still, I didn't trust myself. I didn't trust this. I didn't trust that I could, with clarity, talk about my story without negativity, without hate, without anger. I don't want those as part of my story. I want the positivity, the dreams, the belief where I'm going to stand out. I am not my past. That is what I used to learn and grow and be this person who I want to be. I am in this spot today, April 1st. I had said March 1st was my thing and I totally— I didn't do it, so I really did start April 1st, not even on purpose. And oh my God, April Fools! I used to love April Fools. I did jokes on my kids, we did jokes on other people. I have no sense of humor left. I don't get sarcasm. When people make jokes, I really like— I like get inside. I just want people to be nice to each other, and a lot of jokes are passive-aggressive. Really hurts my inside, so I gotta get that back. There was just a whole study that said— and like blows my mind, that's the study that shows up in my lap again. I know I'm going in circles, but it's all coming back to the same place. It is forming my identity. Let's put that down. Oh, I'm going back to my calendar. I promise I will do that. Okay, so let's go here. I'm going to take this off the wall and we're going to start what I was going to start this morning, but I couldn't figure it out. Here we go. I needed my— okay, harness your goodness. Okay, how are you good? What's your identity? Okay, who am I? Well, I was a mom for a really long time. That was my whole identity, everything I did for my kids. Well, they have— we have uncourted, we have uncoupled, and I'm alone. I'm not a parent right now. I am a solo. I am solo, so my identity is solo. That has never been a true word for me, so that's the first one we're going to start with. Oh, let's find another color. Where's all my fun colors? Here we go. Okay, so solo is my first one. Are we enjoying this? Anybody thumbs up, say yes, a comment? I can stop and go slower. Anything, feedback, or are we just enjoying me? I'm enjoying you. I definitely think that I am an oversharer and carer. Are those qualities I want to give up? Over-carer, oversharer. So I care a little too much that our systems of oppression are not allowing us to get educated get jobs and be anything we want to be. It's really hard out there. Like, the trajectory of— I could go anywhere and find a job all the time since I was 13. I had 3, 4 jobs at a time. It was easy to get to be employed, and I had a personality that went in and convinced people to hire me. We don't have that anymore. Everything is through the computer. Right? You put your resume through AI so it tells you who you are. Then you send it to Indeed, which puts it through AI to catch the words that the employer needs to hire. And then you get an email to do a Zoom. And then maybe you get an interview. Maybe. When I was running camp for 80 positions, I got 5,000 applications. Like, I couldn't even say thank you. Like, those people just get rejected over and over. That hurts after a while. How do you find your way in? So what would you call that? I'm a pusher. There's a nicer word than that. There's a— I'm a— I want to say overachiever, but I probably should put that too. I'm over everything. What does that have to do with? That has to do with validation. I needed validation before. I do not anymore. I, I claim that I am really smart. Six degrees prove that. That's validation. I don't need to tell anybody that. I am just smart. I know this, and my masculine energy that I was told to. Hang on to comes with the ability to stand in my ego and say, "Okay, I'm smart. Look at that." So smart would be part of my identity. I am smart. My IQ is very high. My EQ is even higher. I am energetic. We we definitely know that. I am also a vibe. I want to say I'm a vibrator, but that would be going into my other hobby. So I am a vibration of movement. I like to move. I need to stand. The more I stand, the better I feel. Sitting in a chair is just not fun for me. I'm not sure why we need to sit all the time. So if I can think and stand and talk, I find myself way— everything flows through me much better. Okay, so I'm going to stop identity for a minute and I'm going to go over here to my calendar. It's hard to see it, but I'm just going to tell you that I put on dates here. I put on dates all over the calendar of when I am holding different in-person things. And these dates are going in an email to Joy for her lovely space that they are not— that they are inviting me to so that we can eradicate loneliness as much as possible. And I'm going to be online talking about ADHD inner critic, like my Trixie, man. She's been with me for a long time and she had a lot of control over some of the things I did. No more. I really want to help anybody who has an alter ego that's holding them back to figure out the narrative to change that. So those are going to be on some dates. I have them here: the 16th of April and 30th and 14th of May, and oh, and yeah, 30th and the 14th of May and the 28th. So they're in the calendar; they're going out. I have on the weekend of the 25, 26, 27. So Friday, Saturday, Sunday of April 25th, 26th, 27th. I am inviting men and women. It's gonna be a fundraiser. So it's $15 to come in to the conversation and tell me what men and women really are thinking. I wanna know what you think, what you're thinking or what you think they're thinking. There is a disconnect between men and women. Like going out and dating is awful. People are not enjoying it. I'm back out there looking around and seeing what's next. And with this energetic personality and all that feminine energy, I am meeting a lot of men. But my checklist is pretty strong. My boundaries, my strength inside of me, my identity is forming. Right? And I need someone that can handle growing with me and being vulnerable and wanting to step into everything and knowing that I am solo, me first. Expectations, obligations are not taken for granted anymore. That's emotional load. We share those. Everything is partnership and sharing. It can't always work. because we're not self-aware enough to understand when we're not doing that. But there's a way to look at those pieces of your identity before you choose who you're spending time with and where your belief system goes. What's that saying? You are the equivalent of the 5 people you spend time with. Well, are those 5 people meeting all your needs? If you spend 50% of your time with one person and that person is only meeting 50% of your needs, how is the other 50% getting met? Do you have different people doing that? Are you in different communities? Do you stay in your same one? Do you know what the world looks like, or are you just ready to explore? That's identity. I love the world. In my history, in my past, the things I like to remember is every experience I have had. I went away with my friends to Acapulco when we were like 17. Like, our parents didn't stop us. We just— we worked, we had money, we booked it, we went. It wasn't like, can I go? It's like, I'm going. Probably not respectful. Sorry, Mom, we never wanted to do that to you, but— You were a very big no person first. Dad was even more no, and I was a yes, so I pushed every limit. But, and pushing those limits gave me the courage to have adventures. When we hold our kids back and we fear for them, the anxious generation, our anxiety lands on them. We tell them the world is a scary thing. My parents didn't tell me anything. I went out there and found out for myself, and there were lots of things that were scary and lots of things that weren't. And every time I was in a situation, from courage and bravery, I learned something. And every time I learned something I grew stronger and braver. That is the vibration of movement I would like to see our parents doing. That's what I would like to see when you leave the hospital with your baby— have the vibration of moving forward in positivity. To do that, we need parenting support. We know this. This is a hard job that no one knows what to do. And schools, well, they need to change. We know that already. This continuum of development needs to start with logic, a really good heart, an ability to say, I have no idea what I'm doing. I need a lot of help. Oh my God, look at the mistake I made. Whoa, that is going to impact my child. That's going to be their trigger. Okay, so give them lots of other things. Give them resilience, give them bravery. I'm gonna have to just stop and put brave. Courage and bravery keep coming up in my face. And so interesting one for me. I thought it was just like surviving, but it seems that it is— bravery is a better way of looking at it. I am a thriver. Thrivor. And a survivor. And I'm really trying not to put depression, anxiety, and inner critic on that list. I don't want those as part of my— as part of my identity. I don't want to think that there is anything wrong with me. I don't want to feel that anymore. I want to feel good every day, that I am good every day. Because I'm feeling pretty good. I look at myself in the screen and I don't mind looking at myself anymore. That's really nice to have. It's a long time since I've been able to look at myself with grace and joy. I'm pretty good. Thank you. Looking pretty good. Pretty proud of the commitment to movement, to hold this body that was genetically given to me that I honor. I understand that this was gifted to me, right? It's the genes of my parents that landed on me. I also know that if I want my hair to stay good, I have to be healthy from the inside out. If I want my skin to be good, there's a little Botox, of course. Don't want— this is it, pickle and preserve. But it also comes from the inside out. I need to take care of menopause. That is like a nightmare. I just heard, because I don't watch the news or turn on the TV, that Oprah did a whole menopause thing yesterday. So it's on Disney Plus. I don't have it. I'll— maybe I'll buy it just for the night so I can watch it. Or let's have a Disney Plus movie Friday night. Anyone want to come over and watch it together? Let's talk about it. Menopause took over my life. I didn't even know. And I knew a lot about it, and I'm learning more every day. It is insane how there's no research For the population of women who give birth to our children, like our vaginas are magical, magical. Our bellies as well. So between our gut and our pussy, we can do incredible things. That's pretty powerful. And yet, there is no research on the most powerful things. So those two powerful things bring life into the world. They nurture them along the way. They try and organize a family unit with lots of angry people and telling them that they're not good enough. Women's confidence and egos are lowered than by men in all the research. There's a book called The Confidence Code, absolutely awesome for teens and adults. All the top women in every field still insecure. Can you believe you can make it all the way to the top as a woman and be insecure? It's like part of us, it goes with our gut and our vaginas. Seriously, goes some insecurity. What if instead we thought like men? They have this like confidence, like, well, who cares? I'd like to have that. That's that male energy I'd like to have. I don't care. I would like to be smart and strong and do what I want and say what I want without caring. I do it in kindness. I do it in caregiving, overachieving, overhelping. I run a nonprofit charity. I help autism, I help ADHD, I help deafness. I'm a volunteer forever. I do good things. I went to the House in Commons. I've been at City— uh, Queen's Park. Like, I'm an advocate. I sued U of T for not being accessible. Like, I fought the school system to hold Ethan back, then to push him forward. I fought for accessibility. I put TVs in front Of all your schools, when you see the, um, oh, the announcements, those TVs are because of me. I did a lot of work to get that stuff done. I was quite powerful in my advocacy skills for my children. They did a lot of great things. And now I want to do it all the time for everyone. I just want to do it for society. I feel that if we start helping kids in school with mental health and getting assessed earlier so parents don't have to struggle and get angry at systems that don't work, we will start a better vibration. And then in our school systems, at recess and at lunch, invite other students in who need volunteer hours and practicums to talk to our students about mental health. What is it? What are emotions? What is spirituality? How do you believe to build your own identity? Who are you outside of your family and technology? Imagine if kids got to have real conversations and ask questions like, you know, I like— I went on and saw porn and I don't know what to do with it. Well, what do you want to do with it? Are you— did you like it? Do you want more of it? Do you know how to feel it? Do you want to learn how to masturbate? Masturbation is okay, even if the Bible tells you and all religion does not. It is healthy for you. Look at science, not religion. If you are in religion and that is your system, then figure out where you belong. Where is your identity inside your religion? Where is your identity inside a school system? I have been in school my whole life. I have never left, not once. Not once in my entire life since I started nursery school have I left the education system in some way. Imagine, I have gone to school every day of my life, pretty much. If not school, camp. And to me, camp is just an extension of education because it's the place where I got to do the education without the Rules of academics. So just imagine, let's think for a minute how many days that would be. Really, I was what, 4? And I'm 52. That's 48 years. For 48 years, I've gone to school for 210 days. I don't know the math. We'll figure it out. That is a lot of school and education for someone who absolutely hates the education system, hates it. It is the worst system we have. I just started watching that show Adolescence. I'm watching that school and I am bawling my eyes out. That is reality. That is what I see every day from the— I have probably 100 clients that are between the ages of 15 and 20 that hate the school system I'm in— they're in, hate it. And they're like, how do I still learn and do? I have a wonderful woman who is the best example, and her mom, man, those two— she got bullied in the school system and she tried, she went back, they asked for help. Mom was so powerful and gave her daughter power. And they worked with professionals, me and a couple of others. And we thought about all the different ways that this kid, brilliant kid, could get educated. Brilliant kid, bullied, anxious, only wanted to study and no one would let her. So mom trusted her and gave her the power to choose her the way she was educated. and choose her path. And she is probably about 25 now, I would say. And she went that way. She got great grades on her own. She stayed home. She went and worked, and that was her social life and her out-of-the-house stuff. She earned money. She saved it. She got a lot of experience. She networked. And then she went to school for something she thought was going to be her passion, and she didn't like it, so she left. And then she went somewhere else, and then she came to work for me and had tried a whole bunch of different things. And she had incredible skills that I was not organized enough to use, so I, um, I introduced her to someone else who could use her skills, and they built a beautiful business. And then that beautiful human went out and is doing more beautiful things. What a gorgeous story that came from hell, right? She had to leave school because she was bullied so bad, and none of the schools she went to helped her. Not one. My kids, same story. We were in 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8— we were in 9 high schools between the two of them. 9 high schools. 9 high schools. Ethan got expelled because somebody put something in his bag that was illegal, and you know, no grace for that. Someone tricked him. No story. You get caught; it's your responsibility. We did A lip, another whole program that was really cool. And then Ethan did. First we did A lip, and then we did that. Oh, we did eight, eight and a half. If you were at risk in grade 8, you could be pushed to high school and get 4 credits in the second semester of grade 8. It was brilliant for those kids we were losing. You did home ec, gym, learning strats, and I think like an English. So like, it was awesome. Ethan thrived, and I held him back in grade 3 because again, did I want him pulled out for everything or just a chance to learn it again? Because when we learn something a second time, we're usually much better at it. And he needed that extra opportunity. He needed the language, the foundation of the pre-teaching. And he started to thrive. Brilliant kid, not in a system of education. His brilliance was not good there. No one gave him anything to work with, with his hands. The kid could do anything with lights and music, but we don't have that in our education system. So instead, He hid all day and woke up all night. That's what a lot of kids do. They sit in this chair all day, all day in a box, not thinking, not surviving, not creating. And then they go home and they get on technology because that's our creation right now. And some of them are coding and doing video games and doing really cool things, but they're not learning during the day. Our education system learning sucks. Who wants to learn like the way we learned 60 years ago? It hasn't changed. And I know this because I've been in the education system forever. And I'm still friends with all my teacher friends and I see what's going on. It is a terrible system. Awful. We need to do something about it. And that is where we want our kids to find their identity. We need help. So the whole point of this was for me to get on and do this. I did it. I don't have captions on my video. I hope there's a way I can do that after. I wonder if I had to do that before, but we'll figure out. I might not have captions, it might not be accessible this time. Just one more thing you need to learn. Maybe it will put the accessibility on, on its own, or maybe I had to set it up. I don't know. But we have it on live. I did it. I went around in a lot of circles. I know. Let's bring it back. There is a negative vibration out in the universe right now between all of our systems. There is nothing that is working in a positive vibration. That is just reality. We can spend all day being mad at it. You really can, easily. I can tell you all the bad stories that I know today before 11 o'clock, and I haven't even turned on the news. We know that there's negative every day that you look on social media. You see negative every time you turn on the TV and the news. It's there. The news is negative. Our vibration is negative. Okay, reality. Are you on the negative vibration path, or are you going to go in a different direction? Will you choose to find as much positivity in your life, in the things around you, and put gratitude in that every day to build your identity To stay focused on positivity, for motivation, for courage, for our next generation. Anxiety, depression, suicidal idealization, and addiction come from feeling unsafe. That is the first question I will ask you to do in your self-awareness, in your purpose and your plan, in a 5 flow. Do you feel safe in your life? Do you feel loved and supported? Do you feel respected? Do you feel that you receive the appreciation for your skills and gifts In relationships are equal energy exchange. Do you feel like you're okay? Just a little bit every day. And if you are, if you have that foundation, are you sitting in comfort or are you curious of how it can grow better? How can you evolve in a space of conflict if you want to sit in comfort? If I sat here today in this sadness, there was a few things that happened this morning that really could push my negativity in front of my positivity and waste the whole day. I could easily. There's a bed behind me I'd love to get back into. There's a bathtub always calling my name. I can get on the phone with someone and talk for hours about nothing— well, about a lot of things, but nothing that is going to make me money. That's my social life. I could do anything. I can go play pickleball for the rest of the afternoon, easy. And wasting a day is the simplest thing. The motivation to do hard work and be accountable and responsible to yourself When you're scared of what's next in our world and you feel helpless, not safe, that's the place I'm asking, inviting, showing, teaching, whatever you want to call it. I don't even know what it is anymore. I just know I am in it. I'm in the present. I'm in today. I have a list of things to do which I'm going to do because I need to. It's a responsibility to what I'm growing, just like getting on YouTube Live for the first time is a responsibility to moving. I personally cannot do YouTube in a professional way for the next 6 months with all the Editing and intros and making it all beautiful. It's just not gonna work for me. But I can sit for hours and talk about everything I'm doing in a day as a therapist, growing my business, learning and growing and trying to figure out how we can find the possibilities in ourselves and find the path to the solutions. I know it's there. I've seen it. 30 years of working with people and having success. I mean, that is just validation and credibility of my gifts and my skills. That is ego. Yeah, standing in it, standing in my ego. I am pretty awesome. I did the hard work to be awesome. I get up and I meditate. Let's go through it, all the healthy things we do. I meditate, I take my vitamins and my creatine and my collagen and my pep— Pepsi. And I drink my shakes with all my vegetables and my greens, and then I'm gonna have my salad with my protein and my nuts, and I exercise. I did my, uh, infrared blanket, and I did the gua sha. I stretched. I had a good conversation. I put my gemstone in the moonlight. I'm gonna bring it in and sit. I cleaned this morning, I unloaded the dishwasher, I did a load of laundry, and it's 12 o'clock. I have from 12 till 5 to do all the work in my computer I need to do. I'm gonna put it on my TV so it's big, so I don't have to sit and I can stand. I did this. I'm okay. I'm okay. Hmm. I don't know if you're connected to your body or you take that time to breathe. Breathwork, that's another thing. And tapping. I love those things. I have a video that Stacy and I did together. I'm going to put it on YouTube. Tonight, I'm doing it. I'm just putting. I'm not even editing it. No intro and an extra. It was an amazing session of energy where she told me a lot about my identity. I'd love if you want to watch it. It's pretty awesome. So just in that moment, I felt this like current of electricity that like prickles on my skin. And it like goes through really quickly. It's, it's pretty cool, like feeling it. It takes a moment to like think, like to stop and breathe into it. Otherwise, it's one of those— it can move really quickly. So when I said some words that I'm okay to have an ego and be okay, I, I really am okay. I'm okay every day. There is definitely anxiety, depression, and suicidal idealization that lives in my past. It's part of my identity. I have been there and lived in there with my alter ego Trixie from my life. And this moment today, April 1st, doing these videos Taking risks and being courageous. I'm okay. I don't feel any different than I did before. Maybe somebody will say something negative or tell their friend, oh my God, that Shawna's lost it. Maybe. Or maybe someone will say, wow, she's inspiring. If she can keep doing that, maybe I can try something. And part of my trying and trying to get here is I didn't want to be on the floor broken. Like, it's— for me, it's extremes. It's either up or down. I don't do in the middle well. My body doesn't stay there. I need movement. So the vibration today that's going through my body is of Good for you for stepping in. I'm really proud of you, Shawna, honestly. You know, the start of this year was a lot rockier than you thought. You thought this was a year of magic and change. Finally you had this clarity and you were ready for a new beginning, a new chapter, just something— finding your own identity outside of your family of origin. That's full of anger and mental health, and your children who need their autonomy and need to be free sit in the middle of solo. It is scary and exciting at the same time. That's okay. Again, extremes. Every morning when you wake up, you're excited, and then the fear sets in, and then you go, no! And excitement rises. That is a pattern of behavior and a skill set. We learn that over time. It's something we build. It probably took me a year to build that mindset, a little bit at a time. And as I built it over the decade, actually, there wasn't room for other people in there that didn't want to go with me on this journey. The more that I grow in my boundaries and my identity, the more I understand who I need in my life in those precious moments. And those precious moments are precious. In building everything, I probably work about 14 hours a day in total, at least 3, 4 days a week. And I love it. I'm, I'm okay because part of my work is outside My day, which I love the creativity, the writing. I have a whole book of poems that are just sitting in my computer. Do I put them on Amazon just because— again, am I courageous? Yeah, I think so. And I'd like to publish my thesis. It's really good language. Again, courageous. I haven't done it in 10 years. 2008, I think I wrote that. Like I really have been sitting in fear and I want to let that go. My identity is brave. It is not scared. And bravery comes with vulnerability, which I love. I consider that oversharing, overcaring, overachieving. To me, that's vulnerability. I want something. I'm not scared to tell you or ask you or be in a conversation with you. Uncomfortable conversations is the place we grow. We know that. Again, I'm listening to the big names, the thought leaders. This is what they're saying, and I'm listening and doing it. I like movement, activation, evolvement. I enjoy my EQ growing the same as my IQ. If I'm going to read an article, I'm going to look at it and go dissect it with my story. Who am I in that article? Where am I in that? I don't If I just listen to something and put it away, like I listen to the Steve Bartlett on dating and men, we have done men an injustice. I know that. I love to build men's egos. I think it's important that men realize that they are valuable if someone gives them a chance and stops nagging. We nag men the same way we nag our children. We think that we have to be this enabler, protective We make excuses instead of stepping into conflict. If we knew we were safe, that men would not lose their temper, or lose their temper but then take a break and come back in— if that's a relationship dynamic pattern, men could change. It comes from their lineage, their generational history. It's not Their fault. The same way women are growing and evolving and we want more, we need to teach our men to want more too, not shame them. And we are not raising our sons well. We are not. If our sons are not treating us with respect, appreciation, and gratitude, then you are overcaring, overdoing for them. And they will not show up as good partners. We need to understand who we are in a relationship and what the other person needs from us. That takes away the enabling. I know I did it. I'm an enabler. No more. If I want something, I will ask for it. If you don't like it, we will have a conversation about it. If that doesn't work for you, Then we have another conversation. If that one doesn't work for you, we don't have to stay in a relationship. I like growing and moving and having big, high, deep conversations. Sapiosexual was— oh, that's part of my identity, totally. My therapist put that on me, sapiosexual. Sexual. You need to stimulate my brain to get anywhere else. Remember, inner trigger attached to vagina and gut. So is confidence. So is all that good energy. If you take care of my heart and my brain with respect and understanding that I'm off, I'm a little odd, There are lots of things about me that aren't going to make sense. Read my story, watch how I talk. This— I'm a thinker all the time, so in a relationship with me, I am thinking about everything. I'm learning not to, just to be in the present, and not everything needs a conversation. But that's because now there's no expectation. Every day, every conversation, every thought with a relationship in my life— Is about power and positivity and growing and evolving. So stay with me. Let's see how this is going to do. Look out, I am putting all those dates out. Hopefully I'm meeting my admin at the end of today and I'm going to actually put them all out. And if you know anyone, share those dates. The costs are low, just enough to keep me going. Uh, There's a whole bunch of different programs. There's the 5 Flow Beta, you know, I need— I think it was like 10 people. We're doing energy with Stacy, another 10 people. We're gonna do a few little things. The fundraising for the men and women, different age groups. What do you want to see from the other person? Because I really want to know if I'm going to go out there and start talking about this. I want to have the research to go with it. I want a big conversation. I have the research from the surveys I've done in different populations, not on social media. And I have the research from the leaders, the thought leaders that I'm following and from the PhD in the— oh my God, integrative couples and sex training I did last month. I have all the stats from them. I just want to see on the ground what people are thinking. So if you want to join that think tank for dating and what's next, look out for all the dates coming in the next couple of weeks and next couple of days. Days by Friday, everything's going to be out by Friday. That's the goal. That's the goal. Launching on April 10th, my Five Flow. That is my brother's birthday, and he has been like going up there and shaking me, say, Shawna, just go. Stop thinking and just So I'm honoring his vibration and here we go. Another day, another live, another piece of courage. And now I am about to go eat lunch 'cause I'm starving. And I think I'm gonna make a list of what I'm gonna do for the next 5 hours. I have to figure out how I'm gonna manage my time and my day as things move. And there's a few people I need to reach out to. So I'm going to see if I can put that in my schedule for next week, right? I have to take a day off work to do all the networking and reach out to all the people that I am trying to build. And what's it called when you work together? Oh my God, I lost that word. Anyways, we're going to let it go because my tummy is hungry and I'm going to listen to it. Intuitive eating. Salad with salmon and sweet potatoes and chickpeas. Pretty good. That's my salad for the week. Salad bar. If anyone remembers my house, we had salad bar for years at the pool. That was such an efficient, healthy system. I'll talk about that next time. Okay, thanks again for staying in. You're pretty awesome. I would appreciate some, like, maybe interaction next time just to keep me going. Maybe anything of validation. My ego might need it. But until then, validating myself, feeling good, let it go. Look at that group therapy, not really with alcohol, but wouldn't that be nice if that was legal? Well, we can do coaching with wine. Wine and rant was one of the groups I wanted. Anyways, again, lots of ideas, staying focused, finishing these things, getting them out the door, and then I can breathe again. So See you tomorrow morning, maybe tomorrow afternoon. And thanks, thanks for stopping by. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for staying in. You know it. I'm proud of you and I'm proud of me. Have a good day. Hanging up on everybody and stream. Your stream will stop and you will no longer be live. Okay, end.