#127: Is Your Relationship Worth Fighting For? Let's Uncover the Signs.

There's got to be a better way. And in that I learn from even the mistakes that I make as a human being. And I think that's really important. It's not about not making a mess. It's about knowing what to do with that mess, how to clean it up.

Hey, thanks for coming. Welcome to the Love Shack.

Welcome to the Love Shack. It's a little old place where we get to get together, explore fresh perspectives, eavesdrop on juicy conversations to discover the things that really matter while having a little bit of fun along the way. I am Stacey Bartley. I'm your host and I'm sitting here with my co host and lover, Tom. This is episode number 127 and today we're going to be talking about the three signs to help you see and understand is your relationship worth fighting for? Here's going to be some helpful information to help you decide what when you're stuck in the land of what we call maybe. Maybe I should stay and maybe I should go. Before we jump into our content today, I want to take a moment and just dedicate this episode to our dear friend Donnie and her family. I know she, along with us, would encourage you to fight for the things that you love and the things that are important and that matter in your life. Unfortunately, her and her family lost their 14 month old granddaughter two weeks ago and we're sending her and her family a tremendous amount of love. So it's tough to be in the land of maybe. And unfortunately, couples hang out in this space for far too long. So I wanted to give you a couple of stories that maybe you could see for yourself of couples that have actually been successful when they too found themselves in the land of maybe. I thought each of us could take one that maybe comes to our mind about the clients that we've supported through this difficult place and or I also want to say that all three of us have been in this very challenging place for personally as well. So we're very familiar with what the land of maybe does to us. It creates a tremendous amount of conflict and second, gaussing doubt. Some days you're saying, okay, that's it, I've had enough, I'm out of here. Only to find yourself hours or a day or two later saying, oh man, maybe this is the moment they finally said or done some of those things that I've been hoping for and wishing for and okay, okay, let's just, maybe I overreacted. Maybe I'm going crazy. Maybe I'm. Maybe it's me and so we stay. And I. We stay. And this tends to teeter, totter back and forth for, gosh, months and years and sometimes lifetimes. So we thought that these stories would be helpful to help you see maybe where you are. And then I wanted to point out some of the fears that keep us in this place, as well as some of the common things that you could look for that made it possible for these couples to actually get out of the land of maybe and save their relationships for the better. And now that they look back on that period of time as a period of time in their relationship that taught them so much about themselves and so much about their relationship, and they reflect back to that time of being in the land of maybe, often to continue to reap what I call the ROI on those experience of being stuck there. There's reasons that we get stuck, and so we're going to jump into as much as we can of this. But let's start, like I said, with a couple of stories about some couples that we've worked with and or our own personal story just so that people can get a touch of what it is it looks like when we' stuck in the land of maybe. And what are some of the things that we wrestle with. And then these same couples, how they've made it through, overcome some of those fears and the common things that were present in their relationship that helped them continue on and reasons that they continue to fight for that relationship, even though there were moments where they thought, oh, gosh, there's no way this is going to work. And I guess the first one, if you want me to start, because I know I'm putting you guys on the spot, the first one that always comes to mind for me is our clients Rich and Janet. These are the poster childs I feel for being in a miserable place of being in the land of maybe. And their stories story is such that this was a second round of marriage for them. They had already been through a divorce, and when they came together, they really wanted to make this one good. And they did everything they could potentially think of on the front side to make sure it was good, it was robust. The children were good. They were good. They ended up, you know, building a beautiful place to live and to start their home. And little by little, things started to fall apart. At which point in time, Janet sought counseling for herself. That was her first step that she took. And as she got into counseling and started to share her story about how her partner was showing up, her counselor began to tell her that she needed to End it. She needed to get out, that this was a toxic relationship, it was unhealthy for her to be here, that he was a narcissist. And although these were really difficult, challenging things for Janet to hear, and she understood what the counselor was saying, logically, her heart was very much telling her a different story. And her heart was telling her things like she loved this man. She wanted to make it work. For some reason, she just couldn't let go. He would show up from time to help her and support her and contribute to her and their lives, and then he would shut down, you know, go missing sometimes get, you know, pretty aggressive verbally and not know what to say. The two of them were fighting all the time. There were these cycles of fighting and conflict that were playing out. And so Janet finally decided in that land of maybe one day she was going to end this relationship, take her counselor's advice and file for a divorce. And she filed divorce papers. And within that same week, she ended up coming to us and working with us. And this has been a number of years ago. And come to find out her husband wasn't a narcissist. She was able to show that her role in the relationship. Relationship was part of what was playing out as well, that we all have a part that we play in what we call this story of co creation. And together they would show up, you know, work on things, practice things, and little by little, they started to move in a direction where they found their way through it once again. And they're still very much together and very much in love. Today. Their relationship is different. And the way they show up and love each other is different than when they came together. And when they were going through this land of maybe. So there was a tremendous amount of education and practice that they were willing to roll up their sleeves. And that's possible for any and all of us. And again, we're going to break these down, but I just wanted to tell you a story about, wow, they were in a really rough spot. They really thought it was over. Very much Janet was blaming Rich and very much she had the counselor saying, you got to end this. This is toxic. This isn't good for you. You got to get out. Doesn't really matter how you feel. You just need to move forward with this. Only to find out that, no, actually that's not true. She's even jokingly said, hey, I'm going to send the counselor your program. And I'm like, no, no, no, don't do that. We don't need to Be kicking up any animosity here because I know things counselors and therapists where we're all just doing the very best we know how. So I'm glad that you were able to kind of find your way through it and I'm honored and grateful to be a part of it.

Yeah. And what comes to mind with Richard and Janet is they showed up just so open and willing and we're like. We say they're the poster child. You know, there's so much that we really encourage you when we work with people to do outside of say if you're working with Stacy individually or even inside of our Better Love Club. In addition to the Monday night we come together. Whether you listen to that replay, meaning you're going to have a much deeper experience and a much better ability to deploy what it is you're learning and what we're teaching, coaching, mentoring. If you do things in addition to when we come together, whether that's a one on one. And Rich and Janet were incredibly studious and followed everything that we asked them to do and showed up to all of our small group. That's when we had our. Which we still have. It's a by imitation only, our VIP program where people really want to roll up and we work with people in a very compressed period of time. So I mean, when that's possible, we say anything can has the potential to be transformed. It does. I say as long as everybody understands what's required.

Absolutely. So do you have a story of a client or two that come to mind that were stuck in this place.

That actually I was thinking of Cassie and Dustin. They came to us at a similar time as Rich and Janet and they were having a really difficult familial situation with one of their daughters. And it was creating a lot of conflict in their marriage as well. And they had very different styles of communication. Dusty was more like to the point. And Cassie is very emotional like me and mom too. They just had some issues around that. They've been married a long time. They have a big family. They were the same. They came to every call. They did all of their homework. Cassie was always asking a ton of questions and getting super clear on what her assignments were. And they were both very vulnerable and showed up with every ounce of wanting their relationship and wanting to save their family and repair the situation with their daughter. I don't know if I've seen any mom want to fix something so bad. You know, it was a really moving experience to be in the room watching her figure this stuff out. And it worked that she got the result she was wanting, but it wasn't because of luck or because of not wanting it. She worked very hard. They worked very hard on their marriage. They worked very hard on their relationship with their daughter. It was a really hard situation, but it worked. And they got the result they were wanting. And they aren't in the land of maybe anymore.

I'm thinking of Tim and Katie. And Tim and Katie worked with me privately for about 16 sessions. The dynamic was very much. Tim had become very, very afraid of engaging with his wife because he felt like everything he did or said would only lead to her feeling worse about him, about their relationship, about their life together. And so he very much found himself walking on eggshells. And Katie, by nature, was feeling more and more alone and isolated and more and more misunderstood. She felt like many times she was the crazy one. She was the one that was getting it wrong and it wrong. And so this precious couple felt like everybody was doing it wrong, and everybody was unraveling emotionally. And as they were doing that, they would say or do things in the heat of the moment that they didn't want to be saying or doing or didn't want to experience. But in the pain of it all, they just didn't know what else to do. And so they were really on the fence to get some help with seeing this through. And maybe, like you right now, some of the fears that they had to overcome to actually step in. And I would say this is true for everybody we've just talked about. These three couples that we've just talked about is overcoming the head talk that we can also get stuck in, which is, will this work for me? Yeah, those are great stories. Stace and Tom and Brooke. Yeah, you know, bravo for that couple. But you don't know my situation. This is a real shit show over here. So, you know, will it work for me? And I don't think so. Some days I do, some days I don't. Some days it's just overwhelming. I don't even want to face it. And they too, very much. Tim and Katie had this going on where, you know, Tim would say, no, I don't think it's too late. And she'd say, I hope it's not too late, but I think it is. And there was a lot of conversation about even just getting started with the process. And within one session, they were able to go, okay, there's a little bit of hope here and a little bit of inspiration. And that conversation of will it work for me? Turned to Maybe we can't. And I just want you to know that's where everybody starts. Everybody is going to have. Every couple is going to have their fears and concerns about what's happened, what's been said, you know, as we call it, the water under the bridge that has already flowed downstream. Can we recover from this in spite of all the things that have been said and done to each other in this space? That's a mental self talk that we all have to step over because we're all afraid it won't work. But here's the thing. I want you to know for sure 100% you're right. If you, you don't try anything different, how are you going to know what will work and what won't work until you try it? And unfortunately, this is true for most couples is they simply won't try to better their relationship. And by default, that default option is it's going to fall apart eventually anyway because we're not trying anything to do, to do it differently.

Or they've tried something like Rich and Janet went to counseling and it wasn't the situation they were hoping for or that didn't work for them. And they're like, okay, everything is not going to work for me.

You know, and be cautious about that. Right. Because one experience is not everything. One experience is not the net total of what's possible for you. And that's true for any arena in our life.

Yeah, we just, a couple episodes ago, we did a very thorough episode about what you should look for. And we have a brand new guide that's up on our website. I believe, Brooke, things that, whether you choose us or anybody, things that you should look for and ways that you can step in, put your toe in the water without a significant investment. And then potentially a significant investment would make sense for you. But I always remind people on clarity calls. Look, this has to be a good fit on both sides. We're asking to be invited, us as a family and our body work into the most sacred place of your life, which is your relationship. So it needs to be a good fit. So don't underestimate, don't blow through that. If something doesn't feel right, for heaven's sakes, acknowledge that. But if it does feel right because you're resonating, then take a step, put a toe in the water. You can join Better love Club for $97. And if you don't like it, we'll refund your investment. So we're going to hear this and you're going to Say this for every episode for as long as we're podcasting is don't wait. The key is, if it makes sense and feels right, put a toe in the water and see what's possible. Because the only thing I can guarantee, if we don't do anything, you're just going to get more of the same. That's really. I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news, but let's just be honest and let's look at it from an objective perspective. That's a classic definition of insanity we all hear over and over, right? And everything we do, I could just say be. And speaking to my own experience. I mean, everything that Stacy and I and Brooke do is things that we wish we had access to when we were going through this situation ourselves because we know how difficult it is.

What about the one about, is it too late for me?

Oh, yeah.

Too much time has passed. Too much has been said. I want you to hear me. It's never too late to try. Because here's the thing. If you try and it doesn't work, and all you do is gain some understanding and some new skills as a result of that's still going to prevent a lot of regret from not trying at all. So I would say err on the side of doing something, trying lots of things, especially if you're getting these signs that you're still wanting it to work, your partner's still wanting it to work. We're going to have to overcome that conversation with inside of us that says, oh, it's too late.

And I think if. If all of us, I mean, again, speaking from personal experience, if I truly know I gave something, my all, whatever that is, for you, for us as an individual, then that's going to really pretty much remove the possibility for regret. Because my understanding is regret comes from. Is when we think, gosh, did I really give it all that I wanted to before I made a difficult decision? Everyone has to define what that is. But I would suspect some of us say, gosh, no, I didn't. But I still made a choice because many times we're in a significant amount of emotional pain and we just can't.

Another one I see often is, I don't know if I can get over or come to terms with some of the things that have happened in my relationship, and I'm caught in that converse, like, can I get over this? Can I let it go? I don't know. And before I try and get help and support, I'm trying to make that decision without realizing That's a decision that's made through a journey and it can't be made on the front end because you don't know if you're going to be able to let it go or not. And we can surprise ourselves. Right? Like Rich and Janet did, like Cassie and Dustin did. Both of those couples had a lot of conversation around this particular place and point in time where they weren't sure they could get over what had transpired in the past and how they were currently framing their experience in their relationship. Yes, they did. They were able to reframe it from a place of understanding. And that's the thing, I say this often in our work. Communication is for understanding. And that's a hard period because if we get to the place of understanding about what you were thinking and what was driving the behavior when you said or did that, those things, it makes it much easier for us to let them go or to come to terms with them. And then we can start to come from a place of understanding instead of blame. Defensiveness, manipulation, control, leverage, all of those things are going to drive conflict. So that's why you're not going to know if you're going to be able to let it go. I would ask you a different question. Are you willing to attempt to or give it a possibility that you might be able to let go then? If that answer is yes, then yes, try. Go for it. Step in. Overstep a lot of those limiting fears that are rolling around in your head. It's a journey. It's not a place you arrive at before you get started. It's a place that you experience and arrive at through a journey and a process of that understanding we were talking about.

I would say it's incremental, just like other successes we've had in other areas of life. So again, I, like I use this analogy often, but if you have a physical pursuit in success, I'm sure that's been incremental for you. I mean, it's no different. I mean, so yeah, these blanket like card lines, bunch expectations we have, they're just not. They're not, they're not realistic nor are they fair to anybody. You as the person that has maybe had the sidestep, the misstep, or the person that is on the receiving end. Neither place.

I just know from my first marriage that I used to hold the pain that my ex husband caused me over his head a lot. And I recognize that was like a leverage point I had. And if you would have asked me if I was willing to let it go. It would have been hard for me to say yes. Yes. Because using that as like a way to get sympathy and a way to continually jab him in the side with reminding him of how much he hurt me. That was a tool that I used and I wasn't proud of it. But it would have been hard for me to say yes, I can 100% let that go. I'm sure there are a lot of other people in the same situation that are like, I don't know if I can. I honestly don't know if that's possible. But if you can try, then you've got something.

Totally agree. And what about the person who has had something egregious happen, some form of betrayal, and they're not quite sure they can let that go? I mean, that was my experience in my marriage where I didn't know if I could let that go. But I stepped on a path of learning and exploration to realize that that wasn't the biggest problem that we had in our relationship, that the relationship had been falling apart for years and this was just like the culmination of a lot of pain and misery that was going on for both of us. And our biggest problem was not the fact that this affair had happened. Challenges were how we were showing up day in and day out in the relationship. And this is just the net culmination of that. So there's a lot to uncover here. And sometimes we can become hyper focused on one event that has transpired and it's usually the event that brings everything to what I call a catalytic moment. Because we've known it's been in a slow pattern of breakdown for quite some time and we haven't known how to address it. Or we just kept thinking it was going to get better and it was no big deal. And then I start wrestling with myself, which is a full time job. And then I start getting upset because you keep bringing up these feelings and emotions inside of myself that I don't want to feel and I don't want to deal with. And I think it's unfair and it's really easy for me to make up a story that this is all your fault. You should know better and you should know when and you should know how if you really love me. And then we start stacking on those things. And then there are these big like catalytic moments that are the crescendo of this buildup of all of these little teeny tiny things. Little problem now, big problem later. And in my relationship, the affair was the net result of that and like you, maybe if this is your situation, maybe not even from an affair, but from other things that have happened. A drug and alcohol problem, a mental health challenge, a health challenge, money problems, kid problems, step kid problems. These are usually the biggies. And we make up stories about them, about what we think is possible that prevent us from even trying, from even, like putting a toe in the water, as Tom said, to just getting the help and support. Like anything you might try and explore is going to give you beneficial information. Right? It's going to give you information about, geez, okay, that didn't work. Let me try something else. Or oh my gosh, this is exactly what I needed and I had no idea. So anything is better than doing nothing. Because if we do nothing, we're just going to continue in that pattern of breakdown which is not at all what we want to see happen for you. And the last one that I have is that of resistance. I think sometimes facing off with ourselves or facing off with what we call our shadow self, right, that dark part of ourselves that we all have, by the way. I really want to normalize that as a human being. We have the capacity to be all things, and all of us have a side of us that is not necessarily our best side, that may say, do, or think things that are not necessarily who we want to show up in the daytime. But definitely some things that we wrestle with, shall we say, in the shadow side of ourselves. And we know probably we've made some mistakes and said and done some things that we're not proud of. All three of us sitting here before you are human. And all three of us have things just like that in our own lives that we look back on and go, oh, man, I was a hot mess. That was a shit show. Oh my God, I can't believe I did that. And we learned from it. And that's the difference maker between being stuck in it or learning from it. And when we can own them and accept them and move through them, they can really empower us to become better people. Because we remember the pain of feeling like that mistake is being made or was made in our lives. And all we have to do is remember that and go, okay, I'm not going to do that again. That was terrible. That was painful. There's got to be a better way. And in that, I learn from even the mistakes that I make as a human being. And I think that's really important. It's not about not making a mess mess. It's about knowing what to do with that mess. How to clean it up, gain the value from it and move on with remembering it to some degree so that I don't find myself in a similar situation. And that's really the journey of life that really is the process of living. And we get better at relationships just like we get better at anything else. And you're going to make some mistakes and you're going to go through some hard times and that's normal.

Normal.

Is there going to be things that don't work for you, any relationship you're going to be in, and that includes the ones with your pets. Like I have a 17 year old hound dog. Dog. And there are things I love about my dog and there are things that drive me crazy about my dog. So I just want to normalize that. Having things that don't work in our relationships, having tough emotional experiences of being in relationships is part of the deal. What are we going to do with them is usually the part that we don't know how to navigate. And so sometimes there can be a tremendous amount of resistance in stepping in and getting help and support because of these dastardly conversations we have with ourselves about who, how we view ourselves, who we are. The negative self talk. It's kind of like one client said to me, look, I don't need to see somebody to tell me I'm an asshole. I already know that I'm an asshole. What else have you got for me? Calm down. Nobody's going to call you an asshole. Right? First of all, that's you and your head talk calling you an asshole.

And I would just remind us that, and I know again from my own journey, we often underestimate the incredible amount of energy that resistance requires. I would assert we don't realize when we have all this resistance, what that is costing us. And if we would just do a slight turn and be open to facing maybe what's going on, you're going to have an incredible resurgence of energy versus the incredible exiting of energy and feeling you depleted.

One of the most fun testimonials we ever received. I forget who gave it to us. It was a husband of one of the clients and he said, man, when I heard I was coming in for a 90 minute session, I thought it was going to be awful. But at the end I thought, wow, that was fun. So we're an alternative to couples counseling. So I just want to remind you this is not like you're coming in and you're going to lay all your problems on the table and then mom two is going to sit there and tell you who's right and who's wrong and then you're going to argue in front of her and she's going to critique you. This is not that it couldn't be more different. So you have nothing to lose. Just giving it a try. That's number one. And number two, if you listen to our episodes, which I'm sure some of you have listened to more than just this one, you know who Stacy is as a person and you're getting a feel for that. And she is a fun, light hearted. She's super emotional. She will cry with you, she will laugh with you. It's not a. It's the opposite of traditional. As a family member and also her employee, I can tell you those things with 100% certainty. But this is not traditional. Boring. Cut you off at 50 minutes. That's not what this is.

Hey, I want to go back to the resistance question for a minute, if we may.

That's okay. My point of that was to challenge resistance and say keeping up all that resistance for all of those preconceived notions that you have about couples therapy and couples counseling, you can let those go here because that's not what this is. Like I said, we're on an alternative to couples counseling. It's a totally different environment in that room or in the zoom session that you're having with her. So let the resistance go and try something new.

I love it. Yeah, and that's so true. And you had a great point about resistance and if we could just get off it, right. Just twist it a little and just kind of take a step in. And I wanted to ask you, I was dying to ask you, actually, when you said that, what are some super tips that you have used to let go of resistance out of the two of us? I would say you're the most stubborn between us. I mean, not that I can't be stubborn, but I would say when you get hung up on a point like, you can be very resistant.

And.

And so I would think you would be a really good person to speak to. What are a tip or two that you could give to somebody who's stuck in the resistance of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to hear what you have to say. I don'. Want to. No, no, no. I've already got this figured out. You know, you're not going to knock me off of my decision here. I know what I'm going to do. You know, just shut up and let's move on.

Yeah, no, that's a good question. I would say, you know, you, you have to have the ability to truly objectively ask yourself, is this truly giving me what I want? I know I shared this, I think on an episode or two ago, but we just came back from if you're listening live to with a wonderful, much needed weekend break getaway with one brand and his partner and two wonderful friends that have an awesome place. We typically leave for this sequence of days about 4o talk after we do our podcast episode and such. And I said, no, we're gonna, we gotta do that. I got some things. We're not leaving early, you know, Jim, my brother said, gosh, you know what? How about if we were to leave more like around noon, then we could get there like dinner time and not arrive late. No, no, no, I can't do it.

And finally I said, but in fairness, I had talked with you.

I know. And I totally dismissed it.

Yeah. You shut me down going, oh, okay.

I just. That was probably one of the most clear, clear implementations of what I'm suggesting you may do for yourself is like I said, gosh, you, you know, I mean, I'm so excited about this time away. I don't, I want. Wouldn't I want to leverage every bit of that that I could? Heck yes. Well, that's a silly thing. Why would there be any resistance? Like how fast can we move up the time to depart? So I move some things around. Chose not to exercise that morning. It's not like I'm all of a sudden going to start not exercising. And so, yeah, I just, I think so. The ability to truly. We can get so spun up into our own righteousness to be fair and thinking that we are absolutely right and maybe we are, but could there be a win win with an expansion of how we're living? Looking at something, you just have to admit to yourself that maybe I was off, maybe I wasn't looking at this with the widest perspective possible to give me what I truly want, which was time away and time with Stacy and time with these my brother and other friends that are like family to me. Heck yeah, that's what I want. Well, then why don't I get as much of that? And we did it on the backside. And this was all Stacy's. We went through the Hearst Castle and everyone said, oh no, you need to make that reservation month out or something. Stacy said, why don't we, we just call and let's go online and see if it's possible. And lo and behold, oh sure, there's all kinds of availability. What Time do we want to go? I was at, oh, honey, no way. She said, well, how about if we just checked? And we had a magnificent experience? So we even extended the time and the total experience of that long weekend. And it was. I think, how many times do we just automatically dismiss, oh, no way, that's never going to happen. Like, everyone told us that, oh, yeah, you have to do that way out weeks in advance. And Stacy said, gosh, there's just. There's oodles of time spots. What time do we want to go? I think, wow, how many times have I done that in other places in my life? At least exploring what's possible.

And then we were even able to take it a step further and says, everybody was saying, oh, we got to get home. We got to get on the road. We got to. And I says, well, maybe. Maybe we could just go across the street and have some lunch and a wonderful conversation on the ocean. I know we're going to get home eventually anyway. Does it matter if it's 9 or 11? I mean, you know. Well, no.

Yeah. Everyone was expecting us to get home by the end of the evening anyway. So it was. No, we weren't being. We weren't. We were still honoring our agreements with whom was helping us on the backside, so to speak. So, yeah. But as far as your first question, the resistance and such for me, and yes, Stacy is right, I get locked in. That's a good quality in many places. But again, it's balance. Remember, that's a verb. And I was very, very focused on what. How the day was going to go a week ago. If you're listening, live well.

And I guess you're. What I'm hearing you say, then just to kind of summarize what you had shared as far as, like, a super tip is basically to set your story down long enough to explore other perspectives or points of view, and then you can always go back to your point of view if you choose to. But at least you're giving yourself the opportunity to let go of the resistance long enough to explore other potential possibilities.

Yeah. And with that comes that you need to come clean and say, you know what? God, I wasn't. I was off. You know, I mean, it's not like if we apologize that we've become less of a person, I would argue that you become a deeper, more enriched, empowering person. When we can say, you know, my. My bad. My. My apologies. That was. I was totally off on that.

And not to get political or just a little political, but something that I see in the current political climate is people being terrified to admit that they were wrong and change their mind. So if you give yourself the permission to say, hey, yeah, I used to believe that, but now I believe this, and it's okay to change your mind, if you could apply that to all areas of life, your anxiety, your stress, everything would improve and our world would improve if we were allowed to change our mind.

We don't realize that being able to take responsibility for changing my mind and giving myself permission to do so each and every step of the way is like your get out of jail free card. Emotional jail. It's your get out of emotional jail card by saying, oh, you know what, I understand where you're coming from. I'm sorry, let me learn from it. Let me go in a different direction.

You know, and something's coming to me. And you may have this in your notes, but it's coming. It just came to be really powerful that. So you, if you're listening, you may think, gosh, but you don't. Stacy, Tom, Brooke, you don't understand my situation. And everyone in my circle of influences says there's no way I should give this relationship, this marriage, a second chance. And look, I get that, but like we're saying, at the end of the day, it's your call. We get asked all the time, should I give this another go? And you know what? We say you can it as many goes as you want. The only rules that apply are the rules between the people involved and everything else doesn't apply. That's the way it is.

And I can hear the voices of our listeners going, yeah, but what if it's a toxic relationship and what if they're a narcissist? I've done all the searching and the.

Quizzes and, and one's an avoidant and one's secure and you know, and I.

Don'T know what to do and I'm stuck and I. So those are the things that you need to work out and through yourself. And here's the thing, if you make a decision based on the point of view and perspective of someone else, then always going to be left with regret. And there's no development of your emotional capacity and strength. You're always going to question yourself and have a tremendous amount of self doubt as though you can't trust your decisions. You can't trust how you feel. You can't trust to navigate yourself through your own life that somebody else needs to give you those strategies and tips for you to rudder yourself. And to me, that is A really sad place to navigate because you're always imploding and second guessing yourself. You're always in a place of doubt that robs you of your self esteem and your self confidence. And so regardless of what this is, it's important that we empower you to make the decisions that you need to make from that place so that you can also reap the reward of it on the backside. However it goes, you reap the reward of saving it or you reap the reward of being able to finally say I'm going to let go of this. And I understand and I know why I need to let go of this for myself, my own welfare and benefit as well as the person I'm co creating with. And I get it. And those are the things that we rob ourselves of when we just sit around and wait for, for the default option.

You always teach our clients that trust comes from within yourself. And if you don't allow yourself to make these decisions, you're, you're not allowing yourself to develop trust with yourself. Which leads you, when you have full trust with yourself, you can always be okay no matter what. So you can know that the decisions you're making are always going to be okay. Because you are always going to be okay, okay no matter what happens. And that is something when you feel that visceral need to be attached to your partner and know that in your clinging to them and you're asking them for validation and you're knowing that if they break up with you, you're not going to be okay. That is not a place of self trust and that is not a place of having a strength within yourself to know that you'll be okay no matter what. And you can't have a real secure relationship without that. So these are all a domino effect of things that happen happen. So if you're in the place of the Lander, maybe you can't really make a good choice if you don't know that you're going to be okay no matter what. Because you're always going to be making the choice that you think is going to be allowing you to be okay. So there is no choice at all.

And that would be as I had said to you my, my previous marriage with the affair, remember when I said just a little bit ago that was just the culmination of many other problems on the relationship and this was the one for me, that if I let go of this right, that I wasn't going to be okay and that I had marked my family and what there was, I was broken. And so I needed this to work. I needed this person in my life in order for me to be okay. And the journey that is possible for you to be able to make these decisions is the growing of yourself. And through that, growing of yourself, like Brooke said, and being able to come home to yourself, to trust yourself. Not that challenges won't happen, but that you can make your way through them, that's a game changer. Because then it helps you to see other things from a much more objective perspective. And not that it's not gonna make you cry or be disappointing or bring up some challenges in other ways, but you start to establish a sense of self that you can anchor yourself in a place of knowing with inside of yourself. And it makes it so much easier to navigate life. And it also makes it so much easier to understand others and to trust others, to risk with others others, to be present for others, to not judge others, because you're not judging yourself. You don't feel like you're in this place of desperation where you've got to have this person in order to be okay. You're coming at it from a completely different angle. And oftentimes that's the journey that needs to be discovered. And when I discover that place, even in the same relationship, I can start to show up differently, which basically helps save the relationship overall because I'm showing up now in a better place. We show up as good as we feel, and that's a piece that needs to be present in order to save the relationship. It's not. Not like you can smother your partner or desperately need them to such a degree that this is going to save your relationship if they'll just come to the table. There's some things that everybody needs to do to show up differently. And it's either going to save your relationship or you're going to be able to create what I call a loving release to go. We gave it our best shot. And now I understand why I can't do this with you or why you can't do this with me. And that is a game changer too, because then there's not the I'm going to make you pay. This is all your fault. It's like, oh, I get my part. I understand your part. Oh, wow.

Wow.

This is okay.

It's kind of like it's either going to save your relationship or it's going to save yourself.

Or both of times, it's both. You're going to save yourself no matter what. And that no matter what is going to save your relationship.

And if you have children involved, if you're listening, please, please, please don't ever underestimate what our children are watching. I always remind people on our calls you signed up for it. When you help bring that human into the world. Our children are always watching, watching, no matter how old they are.

And absorbing.

And absorbing.

And I just want to say, when their children are involved, you're going to be partners for life, like it or not. Oh, you're just not going to be lovers, you're going to be parents. And so you're still going to be in a process of co creation for many, many years to come. And so this has got to go well. This absolutely has got to go well. Regardless of how it rolls, that's what we stand for, that's what we're about here. So that's why we do what we do here. I know we've talked a lot about some of the behavior and some of the fears associated with hey, is your relationship worth fighting for? But I want to give you now several things to consider that are signs that your relationship is worth fighting for. And the first one is your partner continues to do their best to show up in an attempt to co create with you. Even though it's hard, even though you're going through a difficult time, that I'm still trying to show up and keep my agreements with you. Like this is one of the biggest telltales that there's still a lot to be discovered and understood about your relationship and everybody's role in it.

What does showing up mean? I know our viewers often have questions about that. What does it mean to show up?

It means that through demonstration you are still keeping the agreements that we've had around our relationship. You're still helping me with the kids, you're still preparing meals, you're still making me my coffee because that's what you've done. You're still wanting to plan financial pieces with me. We're still kind of plotting through. It's painful and it's difficult right now and we know that there is an emotional connection issue, but we're still doing our our best to show up for ourselves, for each other and for our kids. Even though maybe the communication has waned and the sex has waned and the conversations have waned and we don't know what to do with ourselves on a date night, but look at our phones and maybe share funny memes or pictures of our friends. But we're still showing up trying to make progress here. And that's What I mean when I say show up, Nobody's bottomed out. Nobody's run away, nobody's shut down. They're. They're showing up. And that is, I always say you can lie through your words. You can't lie through your demonstration. And the fact that I'm still. Even though it's hard and even though I might have a thousand reasons as to why I shouldn't have to do this anymore because of what you said or what you did or how you came across to not do it, I'm still showing up to do my part. Even though it's hard and even though we're both hurting emotionally and not know what to do, that is something worth fighting for. The second one is you're doing your best. You know you're doing your best. You sense that your partner is doing your best, and there's just this huge disconnect that's happening between the two of you, and you're not. You. You can see that there's lots of misunderstandings. You can see that everybody is getting triggered by the other person, but you can see that, you know you're doing your best and you sense that your partner is doing their best.

And what would be the opposite of that?

So the opposite of that would be somebody has just gone missing, somebody is checked out, they're avoiding the situation, they don't show up, they don't participate. This is where it starts to get a little tricky. Because if I'm uncomfortable and I feel awkward about showing up and saying what need to say, I might just get busy starting to do a bunch of things for you. This is very common. I'm working my tail off to try and please you, but I'm not showing up emotionally. Don't confuse those two things. This is I'm not doing anything for you. And this is I'm not showing up to share with you either. Now, I could show up and try and do a lot of things for you because I don't know how to say things. That's a very awkward place for me. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to say it. I'm going to try and do all these other things that are going to probably, probably frustrate you because what you're wanting from me is emotional connection and I don't know how to go there. So I'm buying you a bag and I'm buying a new car and I'm working overtime so we can take that vacation.

So doing that would be someone doing their best.

Yes, absolutely. Somebody who goes missing that is shut down, avoiding using alcohol and drugs to. To just totally bottom out. Those are things that we need to get real professional help with because there's a lot going on there and those are much more difficult sometimes to manage and to see. And sometimes there's this huge piece where they need to work through some of the addiction problems to even know if they're capable of co creating in a relationship. So we're asking a lot of a person who is totally shutting down or escaping through the lens of alcohol, drugs, those kinds of things. Because in that moment there has to be a development of a sense of a person first. And then that person needs to decide if they can co create with another person. And so those are huge can companions to leap. So I just want to give you this as a something worth fighting for. Ideally is somebody that is showing up with you that that has the pill, the capacity and the ability to co create with you. Even though there might be a lot of pain and a lot of emotional struggling. Those are definitely things worth fighting.

If I hear you correctly, babe, not to say that in these more extreme situations that Stacy just shared, we talked about this a few episodes ago, there may not just be at the current time capacity for your partner to take this on. It's not to say that that isn't possible, but the more imminent pressing is maybe like an addiction situation or mental health challenge or whatever. We've got to get that kind of on more stable footing. Is that correct, babe? To where we could then step into.

Seeing what's possible in the relationship when we're in a critical place of breakdown like that with alcohol and drugs and a total shutdown avoidance kind of thing where I'm not able to keep my agreements and do that piece where I'm showing up and I'm falling apart. Person that you're in a relationship with is in a. You need to be in a support role with them and the support role is helping them find their footing with inside of themselves before the they can even decide if they have the capacity within them to co create with another human being. And that's why I say that's a huge canyon to jump because you're not going to be able to decide what's possible in the relationship right now. If that's the state where your partner is, it's going to be. You got to get them whole and standing on their own two feet so that then they can make the determination about what they have the capacity to do in a co creation with you. And sometimes that's a hard place. And sometimes at this point you're so burnt out you don't. The person does not have the capacity to support the person in this place. And that's okay. As hard as that is to say, that's the truth. That's the reality. Sometimes I don't anymore as the support person because this usually plays out for long periods of time before we realize and understand what's really happening. And now the person who's been keeping it all together for long periods of time is just out of gas. I just can't do this anymore. And now you're telling me I have to support this person through the process of getting whole. Yeah. Because that's your best option if you want to continue to explore a relationship of co creation creation with them. If you're to the place where you're spent and you're in a process of breaking down personally and emotionally, instead of breaking through and making progress, then it's important for you to take those moments and take care of yourself. Because if there's nothing left of you and you're in a process of breaking down, you're not going to be of value to anybody else anyway. Not your kids, not the person you're in love with, not yourself. And that's a delicate place to, to navigate. Is, are we through a breaking through meaning everybody's kind of improving and getting better, or are we the process of breaking down, even if it's just one of us breaking down, that has to be addressed before we can decide what's available in the relationship itself. It's like having the components to co create with. And if you don't have the components to co create with, then it's not going to work. It's going to, it's not going to. You're not going to be able to save that relationship. So you've got to bring two people who are in a place and have the emotional capacity to co create for this to be a healthy, thriving relationship. And that's a delicate dance that we all have to walk and we all have to be willing to do our part. I hope that that gives some clarity and some distinction there and some ways for you to kind of help. That's what this episode is about, is helping you see, okay, you know, do I, do I have things worth fighting for? Yes, there are many things worth fighting for. And I hope that this helps you create some distinctions around those. Often what shows up too is you both long to be emotionally and physically reconnected you're just not sure how to get there. You can tell that both of you are trying to get there, but, oh, there just seems to be this continuous place of just missing each other. And if you watch me on video, my hands are top and bottom of each other. You're thinking you're making progress, and we're going to finally connect, and it's going to finally be great, and we miss each other again. That's a very common experience of things that are there, that are worth fighting for, but we just don't know how to make the connection happen.

Yeah. I would say we ask people when. If you sign up for a clarity call, there's four questions we ask, and one of them is what's missing? And I would say, absolutely, more often than not one. Usually there's many. There's several things or more that are listed, but one of them is connection. What's missing? Connection.

And I would point out that I don't want any of you to take what Stacy is saying the wrong way. Even if you are in this situation and you have things worth fighting for and you know you're still showing up, you're probably gonna feel like you're in a terrible relationship. You're probably gonna feel like none of your needs are being met. You're probably gonna feel like you're misunderstood by your partner. You're probably gonna feel like you're fighting a lot. Like, we're not saying that your relationship is only fighting for if you have a great relationship. No saying that you can have a really sucky one, but there's still essential ingredients. You need to fight for what you have, but it's just not working right now. That's what. So don't. I don't want anyone to feel. Listen to this and think, oh, God, my relationship isn't worth fighting for because it really sucks. No, that's what we're saying. We're saying that most relationships are worth fighting for. There's very few that aren't well.

And realize what gives us the signal that we need to improve how we're showing up in our lives and in our relationships is we get into this place that sucks, and it's hard and it's painful, and there's your sign. And that's why we always say, don't wait. Because that doesn't get better with kicking the can down the road. It gets worse. And so having somebody who could help you uncover what your next path of growth is and teach you some real relationship skills and principles that literally govern human Connection will be a game changer for you because. Because we all believe that we're supposed to be good at this thing called love. And then we find ourselves in these painful places, which, again, is just a sign. Hello, there's some things that are not working here. And then we make up a story about that which causes us to kick the can down the road a little further. And then the pain escalates. And that's when we start saying and doing things to our partners and to ourselves that we never imagined we would do. Instead of realizing there's nothing wrong with you, it's just that you don't understand the principles that govern relationships and overall, and it's time for you to learn those and be self reflective and understand what your part is and what your. What your partner's part is like. There is a place where you end and your partner begins emotionally. And it's the emotional stuff that usually kicks our fanny because we're either gonna resist taking emotional responsibility for our part or we're gonna try and do too much emotional work for everybody to try and keep this thing afloat. And it wears this right. So those are the things that we encourage you to learn, and that's how we save our relationship, just like Brookie said. And you're gonna be when you begin. That's what gets our attention and finally gets us to go, okay, all right, I'll do it. I'll face off with myself. I'll have that difficult conversation, which is, by the way, if you have a feeling inside of yourself where you long or wish that you had the ability to simply share so many things with your partner, but you can't find the words, that's a relationship worth fighting for. If you are still very much in a place where. Where you want to or can't imagine a life without this person in your life, that is a relationship worth fighting for. I'm frustrated, I'm in pain, I'm suffering, I'm breaking down. But I just can't imagine my life without you. There's something there for you to uncover and to learn about yourself and about relationships.

That takes me back to when you and I first came together. Not too long. Then the first year, a year and a half, we had some very, very intense family, important family things that had to be taken care of. That was not even on my radar. And there. There were some very touchy moments there where I wasn't quite sure if it was going to work out or not. But the. At the end of the day, what I asked Myself very clearly, could I imagine my life without you? And I said, no. And I said, okay, that's truly how I feel. Then I need to step in, and we'll figure this out one moment at a time. Time. And it's been. This particular challenge has been ongoing, and thankfully it's gotten much, much better. And grateful for how it's turned out. But my knees were. That was the most my knees have ever buckled in our 12 years together, without question.

Wow. And I remember. Do you remember me, like, being very anxious and coming after you in the beginning and, like, begging and pleading, like, please, please, please don't push me out. Because you were definitely like, get away. Go away. I don't want to talk with you about this. We were very much what we would call in an anxious and avoid type of a situation and scenario. I only bring this up because I want you to see that those aren't places we arrive. They're experiences that we have. So if you're finding yourself right now in an anxious, avoidant experience, that's not who you are. Oh, you're so much more than that. So common. Where one is wanting this so bad and the other one is just give me some time. And I remember you, like, pushing me away. And I finally had to with inside of myself. We've touched on this in this conversation today. Go. However this goes, you're going to be okay. And if I didn't have the ability to go there, I wouldn't have been able to stop that anxious place inside of myself. There was a moment where initially I was reacting. It's like, oh, please, please, please, let me come close. Tell me it's going to be okay. And you're like, get away. I don't know if it's going to be okay. You need to give me a minute. And the only way I was able to give Tom the time that he needed to truly choose in, which is what I really wanted at the end of the day, was to be able to know in my heart of hearts that I was going to be okay. However the this went, and that if I did truly love him, I was going to give him the opportunity to truly choose in. Because what was my other alternative? My alternative was to force him into staying with me, make him feel guilty and obligated to stay with me. I wanted no part of that because I had already experienced that, ironically, in my previous marriage.

And to give the listeners some context or give you some context, this particular family challenge would, let's just say it was coming from Stacy's side side of the. The blended process, you know, not to get anymore. We don't. But it was all Stacy's.

It was all what I brought to.

The table, which is a lot. If you're listening, there's a lot of numbers of the 21 human beings, most of those numbers. And Brooke is only. And there's only one other one. It's surely from the Bartley side.

And I need to hear you say it. Like, what do I already say to you about this?

Baby, I'm worth it.

Yeah. And so I need to hear you say, baby, you're worth it.

Baby, you're worth it. It.

Yes. Feels so good. I love you, Mr. Bartley. And I'm grateful that we made it through. And I know that our clients that we serve and support in this very challenging place would say the same. Geez, I'm so glad we made the journey, even though it was challenging. I grew so much and I understood so much. And I'm so thankful that we took the challenge. And I would also say that's true about couples who have decided that they needed to let go of each other. We have those happen over here. Here too. Absolutely we do. But they let go from a different place. They let go from a place of understanding themselves better and knowing that they're going to be okay. It's like they've developed not they have developed the confidence and the self esteem and the courage to be able to navigate life accepting what is true. And everybody gets a place to truly choose in and genuinely co create life from a different place. And just because your relationship ends doesn't mean that there hasn't been wonderful things, things that were created. Like the good still counts. It still counts. Even though we didn't end up going the long haul like we thought we would when we first came together. And we can always celebrate those things. And that relationship experience that I've had with this person, it is a part of who you are and who you're going to become. Like, those things always play a role in who it is we're developing into. And in my book that I wrote and released a year ago, in the background of that book, I gave credit to every single person who I have genuinely been in love with. Because I acknowledge and see how each and every person that loved me the very best they could, with all their capacity and me too, contributed to who I am today.

And you probably wouldn't be shocked if you haven't seen the list. It's rather lengthy. Because Stacy loves people and people love her. So what a shock. And I'm also grateful to share with you. And this is a place that has great passion with me is a love and release, they say. Oh, isn't that cute? Tom and Stacy and Brooke. No, it's true, because I created that with Brooke's mom. And I'm grateful to say we're close friends to this day. I was just texting her on the way back from our trip, you know, I mean, and I can't express the gratitude. What would I pay for that? Everything.

Yes. And if Roxanne is listening to this podcast, hey, baby girl, I hear you fooled around and fell in love. And I could not be more happy. I could not be more excited for you. So here's the bottom line. I'm going to summarize this for you and I'm gonna, I'm gonna make this really simple. We've talked about the fears. We've given you some ideas to consider contemplating to know that you've got something to work with. But let me just boil it all down to you make it really, really simple for you in this podcast. Episode number one, you're not going to be able to move forward in any direction without being vulnerable. That's just the way it works. If you're going to be defensive, you're going to stay in manipulation, you're going to stay in blame, you're going to stay in leverage, want the upper hand, control. Not want to express how you think or feel or not. Not be in a place where you want to be self reflective. You're not going to move. You're going to continue to be in a place of breakdown. And you can choose to stay there and learn how to deal with that and get okay with that, or you can choose to try something new, but it is going to require you to be vulnerable. Vulnerable. And then there's three things that I just want you to consider and here's what I know to be true. After years of this doing.

These are the really, the magic three questions that we want you to really, really honestly consider and just step into and marinate on these because, you know, you can. It can be very overwhelming. And as a family and a team we've created, we've come to. These are really. You have to get really clear on these three questions. And there's no right or wrong answer.

It's.

But it's your true answer for you and your. And as well as your partner.

So number one is. And these are in priority.

Okay?

Number one, you want it just because you want it. There is no alternative motive for wanting it. It's just as we had said before, I just don't want to see my life without you in it. I want this. And God help me, sometimes it's even a frustrating experience when you look inside of yourself and go, ah, I wish I didn't want this. Can. Why can't I just let go?

And the opposite of that would be not making, maybe from a precious, excuse me, a place of pressure from, say, a religious perspective or a cultural perspective or a family perspective that can be very clouded, that can cloud our judge. So, I mean, this is a place where you have to truly turn within yourself and honestly ask yourself this and only give the answer. That's true for you.

Yeah, I've had a lot of people say, yeah, I want it. And then on the backside they're going, I can't stand them. I'm like, well, okay, we got to talk about that. Because if we have a yes to these three, three things, we can get through anything. We literally can. But you gotta want it. You gotta want it just because you want it. There's no money agenda, kid agenda, religious agenda, family agenda. It's just you look inside of yourself and go, gosh, I really want this. I want this with you. And God help me, I don't know how we're gonna get there, but that's what I long for. That's what I want. That's rich. And Janet, Janet just wanted it. And she was hearing all of these things from other people and so called experts, and yet in her heart she was like, but I just want it with you. I just feel like it's possible with you. I want you to listen to that. Do you just want it for no alternative reason?

Number one. Number two.

Number two, you're willing to let the past go. We touched on this one when we talked about fears. You may not know how, you may not know if it's possible, but you're willing to entertain the idea of it. Because in order to go in a different direction, we are going to to have to let the past go as we learn from it, help us rudder it in a new direction. So am I willing to try to let the past go? I may not know if I can right now, but I'm willing to try. We got a yes there. Okay, we can work with that. And the last one is, you're willing to learn new skills, and more importantly, not only learn them, but practice them. And if you can say, yes, I want it. Yes, I'm willing to attempt to Let the past go and I'm willing to learn new skills and practice new skills. Then you've got a home run right there. That is a relationship worth fighting for. And you can step in and start doing that on your own right now because that's the other thing I want you to know and understand. You don't have to wait until your partner's ready to do these things. If you're in this place, it's important that you take action for yourself because that's going to prevent you from being in that place we talked about of breakdown. Breaking down is where you're going to go. If you sit and wait and wait. If you know you're ready and these are your three answers. You got a yes, yes, yes. Then step in and get moving. Because your capacity to influence your relationship for the better is far greater than you can even imagine right now and.

Many times is the catalyst that can be the inspiration and the invitation by your new demo demonstration to your husband, your wife, your partner that's maybe hesitant, that's unsure, that is afraid. Can we guarantee that? No, we can't. Does it happen often? Yes, it does. So don't discount you showing up in a different manner. Much more empower powered. A place of certainty and clarity is going to be a powerful catalyst that your special someone will absolutely notice. Because I remind people, how often do we encounter, encounter people that maybe we've known for quite some time, that starts showing up differently? Doesn't happen too often, but when it does, you know what we notice? Wow, what's going on with you? So that's the power. Everything is about behavior in our world. It is. It rules the day. So when you're showing up in a different manner, more empowered manner, it does get noticed.

Does. So I feel like it behooves us to just say these one more time as we sign off and say, okay, that's a wrap. You, you got this. Do you want it? Are you willing to let the past go? And are you willing to step in and learn and practice new relational skills? They're going to set you up for the rest of your life. If you have a yes, that it's time to take a step and move forward and take some action on that, even if your partner isn't ready to do so. It's not the beginning of the end, it's the beginning of new possibilities. I want you to remember that. So if you need some help and support in this place, that's what we do. That's why we're here. That's why we exist. You can reach out to us, schedule a Clarity call, or you can join our Better Love Club, which is online and you can also schedule a private session with me one on one online or in person. If by chance you're in the Auburn, California area, I would love to connect with you and see what we can do to help you step into saving your relationship. As we do each and every episode, give you a moment to follow the fun. And because of our conversation today about, you know, is your relationship worth fighting for? Something that really is a fun thing to do is to instead of thinking about all the things that are driving you crazy about your person, I also know you wouldn't be with your person if there wasn't something that you were also getting out of it. If there wasn't some benefit from this person being in your life, you, you wouldn't be here. That's just how we operate as human beings. So it's never all bad or all good. There's usually a measure of both. And so today for our Follow the Fun Moment, I just want to encourage you to find three things that you really love and appreciate about the person you're with. And I'm going to encourage you to either verbally tell them about it, about these things that you love and appreciate about them, or you can put it in a note, you can put it in a postcard, you can even text it to them. But show up and tell them how you're feeling. Remember what I said when we were talking about saving your relationship at the very end, you can't move forward without being vulnerable. Well, this is that vulnerable moment. Tell them what you love and appreciate about them, even if it's that they're helping you with the kids or taking out the trash or making a meal or how last night they put their arm around you and you had a moment of reassurance that you haven't felt in a really, really, really long time. Let them know that means something to you and that you appreciate it. That's your follow the fun moment moment today. And I know everybody has the capacity to do that. The only question is, will you do that? I hope so. I hope that you'll take that moment to do this. Today's song is Oceana's Renkes. I'm sorry, then Oceana is the artist. I want to make sure I'm clear here. And Renee is the song. There's a featured artist in this song, Olivia Eskiolos. And this song is absolutely beautiful. And I chose it today because the lyrics say, it's never too late to try. Make your mistakes keep on the move. That's life. Don't you think it's beautiful? A new day dawns and we get to live some more. Not everyone gets to do it all. So let's take it day by day and let tomorrow make its way. And I think that's just a perfect song, not only in dedication to our dear friend Donnie, but for this conversation. Like, if we don't try, we're not going to know what tomorrow brings. And at the end of the day, it is beautiful because we all get another chance to it tomorrow. And sometimes just living today and letting tomorrow take care of itself, that's a beautiful thing that we might have another shot at it. And we have another moment to learn, to grow, to understand and to expand ourselves as human beings. Like, that really is life. So check out the song. You can do that on my website or you can also do it on Spotify. At Love Shack Live playlist, we have a song that's attached to each and every episode we've ever done because we feel like music is important. Important to help us feel the essence of the message that we're attempting to convey to you. So that's it for another episode of Love Shack Live. Thank you so much for being here with us. We so appreciate you spending time with us here in the Love Shack. And listen, if there's ever a conversation that you want to have here, if you have questions about this episode, you want to send us a comment or connect with us in any way, just know we would love to hear from you because we're dedicated to having the conversations that you want to have here inside the Love Shack. So just reach out. We'd love to support you and connect with you in any way that we possibly can. So until we see you again, know that we're sending you off with a ton of love, a big squeeze, and hopefully today you have a little more hope in your heart than when you started. Bye. Bye.

Okay, everybody, time to go. We got to close the doors to the Love Shack for this week. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Come back next week, though, and join us for another edition of Love Shack Live with Tom and Stacy Bartley.