#248: The Dating Rebellion: How to Date Differently After Heartbreak

Do you ever find yourself standing in the middle of your own life, realizing you didn't plan to end up here? Maybe you're in that uneasy space between what was and what's next. You tell yourself we've been through too much to give up now, but you're exhausted from carrying the weight of all those unspoken hopes. And maybe, just maybe, you're on the edge of a beginning again. You've done the work, picked yourself up, and you're ready to try love differently this time. But the thought of dating in today's world, it feels more like a battlefield than a homecoming. Wherever you are standing in the rubble, rebuilding the walls, or opening the door again, this episode is for you. Because love doesn't end when a relationship does. It transforms. And when we learn the skills of love, like the real human kind, we realize we can meet ourselves and others in a way that's honest, kind, and courageous. Today, we're sharing something new with you. It's actually an announcement. It's a way to continue this journey no matter where you are in the cycle of love. From space and separation to saving and streng, strengthening your bond to dating differently with the newest community we call the Dating Rebellion. Because the truth is, whether you're saying goodbye, holding on, or beginning again, the classroom is the same. Relationships are the teacher, skills are the solution, and you personally are the algorithm. So take a breath. You're in the right place. Love Shack Live, the podcast that helps couples and individuals find themselves at the crossroads, but still committed, still caring, and are working to find their way back to what I call the good stuff. I'm Stacey Bartley, a relationship mentor who spent more than a decade helping couples and singles rebuild emotional safety and connection using real skills and principles. I'm joined by my co host and lover, Tom, and her daughter Brooke. And together, we teach the necessary skills that make relationships thrive in real, everyday lives. And today, we're talking about a new chapter in the skills and transitions of love. Yeah, the Dating Rebellion.

Hey, thank you for coming. Welcome to the Love Shack.

I want to share how this all came about and reassure you of a few things. For more than a decade, our work has centered on the truth. Relationships are our greatest teachers in our lives. And whether we're trying to heal one, save one, or begin again, the skills and principles needed remain the same. There are three primary places where people find us. Number one, navigating space and separation. And when you're in that uncertain, in between place and you are out of gas, ready to kind of look at Some different things. Yeah, we're here for you. Or two, saving and improving your marriage. When you're ready to roll up your sleeves and learn the skills of sustained connection, intimacy, and romance, we're here for you, too. And now, our newest expansion, Dating and Building New Connections. Each of these are a different chapter in the same book. The human experience of love and relationships and the skills of human intimacy and connection, followed with emotional safety, communication, nervous system regulation, and authentic self expression. They belong all in the same book. So here's the thing. We are calling it the Dating Rebellion for a reason.

So, babe, let's talk about this new thing, this dating Rebellion. What is it and why? Now?

I want to be crystal clear. The Dating Rebellion isn't a replacement for our core work. It's an expansion, a natural next step for those who have walked through heartbreak, learned new skills, and are ready to open up to creating connections with others again. Because here's the truth. Most relationships don't end because love disappears. They actually end because we run out of emotional gas. We wait too long to seek help, too long to learn the skills, and too long to face off with ourselves. By the time we finally do, we're exhausted, saying, I just can't do this anymore. But when we do the work, when we practice the skills, we don't just heal the past. We build capacity for what's next. Over the years, we've watched so many beautiful humans grow through our programs. They say, okay, Stace, I've learned how to navigate my feelings and set boundaries. Now I want to try dating again, but not the way the world tells me to. And that's how the Dating Rebellion was actually born. We had a beautiful group of humans that waited too long, but most of us do. And I really want to highlight that because it takes sometimes a tremendous amount of pain and struggle and circumstances to finally get us to turn and do the most courageous, most difficult, most human thing that we need to do, which is turn and face ourselves. And very often, when we raise our hands, it's just too late. We've already run out of emotional gas. And so that's how we've acquired so many incredible humans who are single now in our world. Not because we're not great at saving relationships or helping people work on them. It's just we have no control over how long you wait. Which is why on this podcast, we're always pleading with you, please don't wait. If you've got a struggle that is not going away, now would be a really great time to turn and Face it. And as humans do, we usually wait too long to address something until it's absolutely front and center.

I think also we don't sometimes acknowledge. Because the three of us are so comfortable with working on ourselves and talking about our flaws and admitting that we're human. It's not that we don't realize, but sometimes we don't talk about how hard it is to get help because you know you're going to be met with some things you don't really want to hear. It's not that we're diagnosing you or making a fool out of you or taking your partner's side. It's that when you come and you work with us, we ask you to look at yourself, and that's really the only thing we ask you to do is look at yourself. And the truth is that when you're looking at yourself, you're really digging into your problems and your patterns and your triggers. And that is what Mom2 says is the most courageous thing we ever do. You know?

Yeah. And I think what makes it hard, in my humble opinion, is because there is so much fear that we have and so much doubt that we've accumulated in our human journeys from childhood to present day. And I think as we turn and face it, our deepest fear is that there's something wrong with us, that what I'm going to find in there isn't good news. And so I'm just going to continue to try and pretend like everything is fine and that I'm a good person and hope for the best. But, you know, we do this in other places and spaces, too. If I'm struggling financially, the last thing I want to do is create a budget and look at my finances or the amount in my bank account, because I'm afraid of what it's going to showcase me. So if I don't look at it, then I can pretend that it's just okay in my own illusion. And then we have to kind of eventually turn and face off with the reality of what truly is. And there's always good news in there. Like, it's. It's amazing to me. One of the reasons why I love this work is because when we encourage and support people to dig within themselves, it's precious because there's always nothing but good news in there. They get to extract these beautiful parts of themselves that have been buried under the shit. And they don't get to see. Actually, it's always good news when you dig through enough of the layers to see this incredible human underneath all the bullshit. So you don't know that. And it kind of is a leap of faith once you start digging. Geez, I hope there's something good in here. And the three of us get to stand by you and say, oh, I know there is.

But I guess the reason why I said that is because you're right. It's like if we've been having too many glasses of wine every night, we don't want to go to the doctor and get our blood taken because we're scared that maybe our liver enzymes will be elevated. But we know the truth inside of us that it would be better if we cut down on some of the wine. Same thing with our emotional well being. If you know that you're not feeling heard in your relationship or your communication with your partner sucks, you know that it would be good if you took a look at those things. But for some reason in our society, we've created so much shame around it that it's almost like you can't admit that you need the help because then that means something is wrong with you. It just sucks that we've made reaching out for the help that would really serve you kind of impossible to reach for unless you're willing to admit something is wrong with you. It's like a double edged sword.

Mm, yeah. Well, and I wouldn't say something's wrong with you, but that there's some things you just don't understand and you're making up a whole narrative that there is something wrong with you when there really isn't. You just don't understand the principles and skills you need in order to move through it or move on. Even in one of my client sessions yesterday, my private client sessions, I had to teach her that it was okay to feel sad, that it was okay to have a bad day because she was taking that challenging day as though something was wrong with her and that wasn't normal. We buy into these and we don't have an awareness really in the human journey anymore of what's human. We think we're just supposed to be on and be able to knock it out of the park and perform and do all these things. And we're not giving any space to the human emotions that are absolutely, inevitably going to creep in. And that doesn't mean there's something wrong with you or that you're a bad person or doing it wrong. It's very human and very messy of us to do these things.

Yeah, I would just. It seems, as you both have shared, there's a pretty classical. I Think visualization that most of us have in our minds or our heads or our experience of, you know. Yeah, when you're having problems, you know, you go talk to someone, it usually doesn't go well. And someone's going to probably come out there feeling like they just got their fanny kick. It's very, very dated. For goodness sakes. Can we have a new understanding of how we're supposed to navigate ourselves in this most dynamic, fluid, fast changing world we none of us have ever lived in? Like, holy cow. It's like we have a horse and buggy in this approach to having us understand how we can emotionally regulate. Give yourself some grace and think, man. No kidding. Like, we have all bought off, because we, all three of us, hear it every single day. This is not hyperbole. We have our own data set here amongst the people that we're blessed to work with. And so it's just a skill journey. And we need some new damn skills. And more importantly, we got to be able to use them. And the only way you're going to do that, no different than any other place, we got to practice them often, as Brook said, because it's hard to change our freaking behavior because you've been doing it probably most of your life or all of your life, and you're just supposed to, like, listen to a podcast episode and I'm good now. I mean, good gracious. I'm not saying that because this is what we do. I'm saying this because I walk the same journey and sometimes I become a hot mess. And I'm supposed to be the one that's the freaking guru. I am no guru any more than you are.

We just have some skills and some principles that are going to help you on the human journey. So that's how the dating Rebellion was actually born. It's a community of people who want to date differently, without the games, the ghosting, and the algorithmic nonsense that makes us believe and feel as though I just need to swipe and then, ta da, there's my perfect lover. And then just all the BS that goes along with it, because really, honest to heaven, the best algorithm you're ever going to find is you. You need to be the person who picks the people, the special someone in your life to build not just love with intimate relationships, but friendships and community around you. There is a place inside of all of us where we are naturally drawn to certain kinds of people. And if you are drawn to certain kinds of people that you're not wanting to be drawn to anymore, well, then that's where I need to understand myself and where all that comes from so that I can absolutely change that. But there's a reason why you're attracted to what it is you're attracted to. Do you know why? Because I'll tell you what, when you get under the hood of yourself, it's going to make perfect sense. It's not that you're a bad person or a broken person. It's that you are actually trying to understand and heal from something you experienced long ago. And the intelligence that we are will create what I call do overs that help us see and understand it from different vantage points and different perspectives on our lives. But if we don't know that, man, do we make up a lot of terrible things about ourselves and others that are. No wonder. It's terrifying. To date we're so busy protecting ourselves and garbing ourselves up right in the hopes of trying to find a relationship. But the irony of that is in order to connect with another human being, I've got to be open. So if I'm. If I'm geeking out and armoring up with all of the new found angled language that we're coming up for. Human age old problems. I can't remember the new one. I just read about a gold digger. They're calling it something new. Like it's a whole nother thing I need to be afraid of. Well, I'm going to tell you right now, gold diggers have been around for a really long time since the dawn of age. And it makes me freaked out to open well, so now I'm not in a position to really create true authentic connection because I'm so guarded and closed off. And the minute somebody sneezes wrong, I'm like out done. Oh no, I'm running for the hills. So we've got to do this a better way.

Exactly. You know, I think it's absolutely time. We gotta understand, learn to trust our own signals again. Bringing curiosity instead of performance and presence instead of perfection. For heaven's sakes, please. I think all of us have had enough and that's important. Hence the rebellion.

Yeah, since the rebellion, we're done with that shit. It's a God awful way to date. And it's so funny how we think we've got to grind it out in that environment in order to be successful. I can't tell you how many people say, yeah, but I want to meet somebody. So I guess I'm just gonna have to suck it up and make the slick profile campaign happen. I know I'm lying out my fanny, you know, and I'm using pictures that are disingenuous. I have to, in this environment to compete. So right out of the gate, we're all showing up extremely disingenuous. And the algorithm is going to do all the work of pairing me with a person that I want to be paired with. And yet that's not what's going to make for a special experience or a special someone that I really want to get to meet and create at least a friendship or a connection with. Sure, we might have a lot of things in common, but there are so many layers and levels to the experience that we're not even concerned considering. So the best algorithm you have really is you. And here's what ties all of my work together. It's the principles and the skills that are needed to create connection at every phase of relationships. It's what ties it all together. So whether you're in a place of separation right now and trying to navigate through that or saving your marriage or starting completely over you, you're going to need these basic things. The first one I'm going to touch on is awareness. You need to have the ability to notice your own internal narratives and illusions that you are making up in your own experience in those places of assumption and expectation and conflict happens when those things collide. So most of us don't even know that that's what's happening. So we don't have an awareness of our internal narratives and perspectives. And many of us think that our own internal narratives and persp are the holy grail of all truth. We can all relate to the experience of, like, feeling like your narrative or where you're coming from or what you're needing or wanting is so jacked up. But I'm going to tell you who's right. I'm the one that's on solid ground here, and you are.

So put a real simple way, and if you've been listening to us, anytime we call that your internal movie, everyone is having their own experience of what's going on inside of them. And we all think we're at the same. It's the same for all of us.

Experience.

It's not so outside of the very precise language that Stacy shared. Just like, you know, have you ever had some. A friend like. Like, you know, Brooke, you need to go see this movie. It was like the best movie I ever saw. And you go, and you think you're walking up, you know, Sally told me that's okay.

How am I gonna tell them So I know they're gonna ask me about it.

Just transfer that metaphor into this is what's going on in all seven and a half billion of us on the planet.

Well, that's why we have conflict. The thing that we need to understand and learn is awareness and an understanding of the principle that nine times out of ten, all seeing things differently and extracting the peace that makes sense to us or resonates with us.

I think also there's a big group of people in our world that simply don't have awareness. Like they go through life with so much less awareness than you do. And that can be just as frustrating to someone who's like, has a deep understanding of themselves and their inner workings and how they're showing up. It can be so frustrating when the person has none because that's common too.

You know, that's that ever repeating rerun, pretty simple show that keeps rerunning and running. We don't ever go to see a.

New show, same problem over and over again because. But it can be like, how can you not understand?

Yeah, well said. Good point, bro. Good point.

Yeah, really good point. So in addition to some self awareness, we need some emotional skill building. We call it emotional weightlifting over here in our camp. But emotional skill building is absolutely going to be the thing you need to learn to help your nervous system calm down so that you can respond instead of react. And it's also going to be the thing that you need in order to actually have a conversation and listen without a listener. In any dialogue between two human beings, if you don't have a listener, you have a fight. We're going to compete about whose awareness or whose experience is more valid. And man, do we love to whip out the evidence, right? Well, remember that day when so and so said such and such. Well, I'm going to tell you right now that meant this. Or you remember last year's Christmas party, you were a shit show. And that means this and this and this and this right now. So we can go into the future and be afraid of what might happen, or we can go to the past, right, for something that has actually happened as evidence as to why my narrative and my perspective is correct. And unless we have some emotional weightlifting ability to hold the emotion right and pause for a minute, which is hard, or stay in my own skin when I'm getting to know somebody new without trying to jump to pleasing them or finishing this sentence so that I look smart and intelligent and amazing, then we are going to have problems in the relationship journey. You need it A lot. Emotional weightlifting is the thing that is just like doing a push up. It is. And hold it, hold it, hold a plank for a minute and come back and tell me how easy it is. Because most of us wouldn't be able to hold a plank for more than 30 seconds unless I'm working on it and holding that plank. A minute seems like a really long time. 3 minutes or 5 minutes or 10 minutes seems like a lifetime. And so it is. When we're trying to regulate our emotions, sitting still and not saying something for 30 seconds is asking a lot. Doing it for a minute, five minutes, ten minutes, you're asking for something impossible. If I have no idea what it is I'm talking about right now, it's an eternity and you'll never be successful with it unless you can skill up and learn what we're talking about when we say emotional weightlifting. If you can't do that piece of, then you're never going to be good at communication.

So you're meaning we need to get better at emotional regulation before we can step into communicating.

Yep. And here's why. I can give you all the fancy fan dangled framework. Say it like this, use this phrase, set it up like a sandwich. That's one of my frameworks. But if you're going to lose your when your emotional back pressed against the wall, you're not going to remember or use any of it. You're going to go back to what it is you always do. React, say something stupid because you got fired up or shut down and not say anything when you know you need to.

So I'm just thinking how often do the three of us here, we seem to be going around and around with the same conversation. Do we not all three of us hear that all the time?

Yep. This is why, and I can't remember if it was last episode or the episode before that we literally broke down how it is that relationships atrophy like step by step by step by step. And it's because we don't have these skills to help with us getting on the same page. Communication mastery means I have the ability now to be self aware and I have some skills about around emotional weightlifting. And now I can express my needs, my wants, my upsets and I can also clean up the messes that I make vulnerably and with tact. That means that it's true, but it's also empathetic to who you are speaking to. And that's big. That's a skill. So communication is more than the words that you Say it's knowing how to say it in a way that it can be heard, but it also is very vulnerable. But it has a piece of tact and grace in it. And that's going to take some practice. And then that's the connection is always going to take practice. Because connection and a sense of belonging isn't a feeling we trip over and find. It's actually a skill that we practice, or shall I say a skill set that we practice. And regardless of where you are in the relationship journey, you're going to need all of these things. If you're saving it, you're definitely going to need it. If you are in space and separation, you're going to absolutely need them in order to create a 2.0 or 3.0. And even when we're dating, we can get rebellious about how we're going to do it. But in order to create something different and wonderful in your life again, we're going to need to know these things. Otherwise, your relationship experience in the dating world goes from butterflies to bullshit in about 2.3 seconds. Right? So I'm telling you, this is a skill journey. Not one that I need to be afraid of, but one that I need to learn, practice, and then live.

So the Disney fairy tale is a little bit off.

Well, the butterflies are wonderful until it turns to bullshit, and then we're all heartbroken and disappointed and we can't figure out why I keep doing it.

And then it goes to a bad.

Country song, then it goes to a bad country song. And I'm not trying to make light of anybody's struggle in this place and space, but. But for the love of God, when you understand the skills and principles, I can't tell you how many of my clients in this space this goes. Why didn't anybody tell me this when I was growing up or in junior high or in high school or after my first breakup and my heart got shattered? Why is it now in my. My 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, I'm learning this? Well, my answer is the same. Thank goodness you're learning it now. Because you could go a whole lifetime and not learn them. You really could go an entire lifetime. And many people, unfortunately before us have and are right now as we speak. So no matter where you are on the relationship journey, I hope that you can see these principles and skills apply. We don't teach different skills for different stages. We teach you how to be human with another human and that that will always transcend any label that we're going to put on the box.

Oh, that's good. So you're such a fan of labels.

I know. I don't like them. So that's why, really, when you really understand what it is we're talking about here, we absolutely can support you in these three places. So I just want to be exceptionally clear, even though we're talking about dating right now, on this podcast that is here to support people with space and separation and help them save the important relationships that they've invested years of their life into, we are still very committed to that core work. And I wanted you, our listener, to understand why. And I also wanted you to understand that it's not because we are not good at supporting and teaching principles and skills to the people who are trying to do that very important work. It's actually because we wait too long to start working, and a high percentage of these are not going to make it through. The house was already too much on fire, and we actually lost the desire to continue to work on it. I didn't have the ability or the bandwidth, emotionally and cognitively, after all of our history, to actually create a 2.0 or a 3.0. Yeah.

So really. And you've heard us if you've been listening for a while, oftentimes it's simply a capacity issue. There is no capacity left, and it's nobody's fault. I know I've shared this often, but I think it's important. Important, and it's relevant. On my clarity calls, I'll say, you know, is it fair to say whatever you drive, if you never put more fuel in it, is it fair to say that it will absolutely stop? Oh, my gosh, yes. Well, so is the same for us as a human now, how we're going to stop is going to be different. But there's not an unlimited emotional capacity in any of us. But yet we behave like there is.

It's the place and space where it's not because the relationship didn't have untapped potential. Yeah. You know, it. It's that we ran out of emotional gas and bandwidth to actually take it on. But we could say that about a lot of things. We could say that about starting a business. You know, I thought it was going to go a certain way, and then there's a certain point in time where I just run out of emotional desire and bandwidth to continue. It wasn't that. It wasn't a great idea.

Well, it'd be the same about starting a new physical journey. I mean, how many people join health clubs here? Soon it's going to be January 1st. I mean, the health clubs and the health industry loves that because they get just inundated. But, you know, the average person, I think, or average member, whatever, about three weeks. So, like, by the third week in January, all those people. And it's not the fault of the program.

Well, it said we are not honest about where we are in our own emotional capacity to take on that journey. Yeah, right. We underestimate what it's going to require. And I've got a career that's demanding and children that are demanding and, you know, finances that are demanding and parents that are demanding and. And so we don't ever think about the capacity to take on all of these things. We think we should just be able to take it all on and be fine. So we do burn out and have to let something go. And my physical journey is usually one that's like, meh, okay, I can let that go. And very often our relationships fall in that category too, because you're here, we're sleeping in the same bed. We got a house and kids and finances and a dog and maybe a cat, too. And we just think, okay, I don't have to worry about that so much. You're not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. And so we just kick that can down the road. And because there is no physical evidence of the breakdown, we just make it up. It's going to be fine. You know, we loved each other. I remember how in love we were. And that will see me through. Love will see me through. No, actually, love won't save relationships. Skills do.

Oh, boy.

So I want to share with you all about a wonderful human that has been in our body of work now for a while. And this particular human I'm going to leave nameless just out of respect and confidentiality. But I call him the man who always kept showing up.

That's good.

He joined one of our very first love and limbo roadmaps a couple of years ago. And from the moment he logged on to that first live call, you could feel the absolute ache in his chest through the screen. And bless his heart, his voice would tremble much like mine is. As I think about him, his voice trembled as he spoke. And most weeks, the tears came before the words. It was just a stream of tears over and over again. And it was really wonderful because the community that he was doing the roadmap with would just let him cry. And more times than not, he would get us all crying before the call was over. But here's the thing. He would stay with me, and he would stay and show up for himself. He kept showing up. Week after week, he sat in that brave little square on my zoom screen, surrounded by strangers who would soon become witness to his healing and his journey, as he would witness others doing the same. He didn't hide from the pain. He didn't apologize for it. He let himself move through it. Sometimes messy most times, messy most times. Extremely raw, but always honest. And in between the tears, something started to shift within him, and he began to listen differently. He learned how to breathe before reacting. He discovered how to tell the truth without shame and blame cast upon himself or others. And he practiced what we call those emotional push ups that we talked about earlier, the kind that make you stronger from the inside out. And then one day, near the end of his roadmap, he shared something that made all of us pause. He said, I realize now I'm gonna be okay. However my relationship goes, I'm gonna be okay. I can only offer the best that I have to give. And if she wants this, she's gotta want it, too.

There it was, the quiet kind of freedom that doesn't need to shout. Peace had at last found him. Not because he fixed his relationship, but because he finally found himself. That was almost two years ago, and just recently, he reached out again, and this time with a light in his voice and an excitement in his presence. He said, stacey, I think I'm ready. Not because I'm lonely or trying to fill a hole this time, but because I want to share this version of me, all that I've learned, all that I understand and all that I know. I want to share this version of me with somebody else I want to love again, but differently. So now he's joining us on our newest adventure, the Dating Rebellion. He's ready to take those same skills he practiced in heartbreak and apply them to the new beginnings of what he knows now. Because that's what this work really is about. Not just surviving the end of love, but learning how to live it and love and connect more deeply because of what you've learned. He's not looking for someone to complete him anymore. He's looking to connect deeply, authentically, as a whole human being that understands himself. Not a perfect one, but a whole. One that has a connection and a relationship with himself. He's evolving into being more of who he has the capacity to be. And to me, that is the real magic of the human journey, especially as it relates to our relationships with others. So that's why we've got to and have promised for a long time, add this on to the beautiful men and women who are ready to step back into the relationship journey. But the skills and principles we've been teaching the whole time will now apply there and be accessible to people who are in that space and place, ready to go again, ready to love again. And I'm going to say this with all the love in my heart, regardless of where you are in this relationship journey, that is my hope always, that you will go again, whether that's with the same person or maybe find someone who now, at this stage and place in your life, can show up better with you.

That's always the goal. Go again, love again. Dust yourself off. You don't want to not have it, because it is our greatest teacher. It is the places and spaces where my true capacity and hopes and dreams come alive. But, yes, it's always the place where the more I care, my deepest fears and insecurities reside as well. In order to evolve, we've got to get up close and personal with those, don't we? We don't want them to lay dormant because then I stagnate and we feel stuck. And relationships, man, that's the greatest growth vehicle on the planet. And that's why, as a human being, it will always be irresistible to us. Yourself, your soul, the intelligence that you are, will always want to go again. The question is, will you allow yourself to? And my hope is we can make that journey a lot less scary if you just understand what the heck is going on and know that you are equipped with whatever comes your way. That's where we want to stand confidently and proudly, not feeling like I've got to accept what's served up on my algorithm and then think that it's just going to magically work out and be afraid that somebody's going to take advantage of me or, you know, take me for a ride. There is a better way, and we've got it. We absolutely got it.

All right, babe. I think you're holding out with some other stuff, Brook. And I know there's something else. So for everyone asking, what's next, there's so much more good stuff coming.

The dating rebellion. Yes. Is officially joining the Better Love Club family. It's not just another dating program.

Well, it's not a dating platform, just so you know. This is not a dating platform. This is a place of community. The Better Love Club on its own night, you know, in places to come. And for people that are stepping back in or really frustrated with all the BS that's happening in many of the platforms. Okay, so. So you can be equipped to show up and be your best version wherever some.

So you mean we're not matching you with other members?

Yes, I mean we're going to have fun ways to connect with people so you can be accountability buddies, but you're.

Not signing up to meet the one by doing this.

Good distinction, Brooke. Exactly. Yes.

It's actually a movement for people who want to date differently.

There you go.

So you won't find swiping strategies or surface level. Get the guy or gal advice here. No, in fact we don't even have profiles. We, we want your face. We want you. We want you as the beautiful, incredible human that you are meeting other humans that are wanting to step in with some skill and some bloody principles, some wonderful principles to help us through this. So it is going to require some courage. And for people who are willing to dig in and learn and practice with other humans. And out of this for sure there will be people that do fool around and fall in love. But more importantly, you're going to find friendships, deep friendships and community that are all traveling the same path. I call those little micro relationships on your way to finding your special someone. It's kind of like filling up at the gas station. Right? On my way. We don't want you to run out of gas. And those little micro relationships of deep friendships and communities will help you on that path. We are also going to teach you those real world emotional skill building things that we've touched on here. And you can also expect really honest conversations about attraction, pacing and bonding. Right. There's no more guessing. And yes, with skills and principles. I know I keep saying that, but it's so important. There's also going to be live weekly coaching calls in a community that will be walking this journey with you. They're walking the same path and expect some play, some novelty, some fun stuff, connected experiences that will remind you that dating can actually be fun and actually feel good again. And the best part, you don't have to perform pretend or play ridiculous games in order to find your special someone. You just have to show up as you curious, courageous and ready to practice with yourself and others that love skill. One last thing, keep your eyes open because our very first Dating in the Wild cohort is coming to you soon with special Black Friday pricing for our first 100 founding members. So if you've ever wanted to learn how to date from a place of confidence, presence and enjoyment. Yes, fun. Geez, what a concept. This is your moment. Because you're not broken. You're becoming. And this time around, we're going to do dating differently. We've had enough here.

Okay, but what else? I know I spoke a little earlier. What else is coming? What else are we really excited to share?

You really want all the.

I know. This is. This is big. This is something we, the three of us, have been dreaming about for a long time.

So in 2026, we're hosting in person retreats for couples and individuals in the heart of beautiful Tuscany and eventually around the world.

We just got back. It was unbelievable.

We'll also be doing some live events online and gatherings through our Better Love Club. Now, with the addition of the Dating Rebellion, there'll be curated skill classes, emotional fitness activities, and yes, a bit of play and novelty sprinkled in. Of course, we absolutely need to make sure. Sure that's the case always. Because we all need more of that right now, don't we?

I would say we need each other more than ever. To remember our humanity, to practice connection, and to feel like we belong.

So whether you're in a pause between partners working to rekindle love or dipping a toe back into the dating pool, our commitment to you remains the same. We're here to help you learn, practice, and master the skills of love. Because like I've said, love isn't luck. Love a skill. Learn it, practice it, master it. And you can do that by joining us inside of the Better Love Club, wherever you are in your journey to better relationships. And the link to finding more information about that is going to be in the show notes. And if you are wanting updates about the upcoming dating Rebellion, take our survey by also seeing the link in the episode Be a part of our community that's redefining what it means to love. Well, from start to finish.

Our follow the fun today is a skill and I want you to play around with it. It's called the power pause. And here's how it works. When you feel that zinger, maybe it's irritation, disappointment, or their urge to say, oh, no you didn't. Absolutely not. This is that moment where you go, all right, let me take a breath. Sometimes even close my eyes, you know, because I've got to just disengage with what's playing out in front of me. Take one big delicious breath before you respond. And in that tiny pause, ask yourself, what do I actually need right now? And sometimes it's just to shut my mouth. But somehow I can also ask for something or disclose something too, before I react. I want you to know that that one breath, that one simple little breath that count to five might save a relationship a moment you're having with another human being or your own personal sanity. It's emotional skill building with a side of self respect.

So try your power pause today and tell us what happened. Did you bite your tongue? Say what you really meant once you collected yourself?

Did you shock yourself by staying calm when usually you explode? We would love to hear your stories about your pause moment at any of our socials. Or you can go to my website as well. And again, those links will be in the show notes. We love celebrating your wins. We really do. And you know, if you have an awkward victory you'd like to throw in there as well, those are very welcome as well. Our song for this episode that we have selected is a song by Mary of Gold. The title of this song is Finding Me.

Oh man. Stacy had me listen to this before the episode recording. Check it out. It's really awesome. Really awesome.

It speaks directly to rebuilding and daring to love again as we come home to ourselves. And a little teaser for the lyrics. I'm finding me again from all the nights of doubt Too strong, unafraid and free Every scar and breath is a story and it belongs to me.

Check it out.

Yeah, you can listen to this week's song along with our entire relationship playlist by going to our website podcast page or search it up on Spotify. We have a playlist there and I think personally you should check it out. It's incredible.

What is it?

Love Shack Live Playlist. Before we go, here's a share and a shout out from some of our fan mail peeps. We want you to know we love you and we love it when you reach out and we read each and every one of these to prove it. We're going to share one with you.

Our fan mail is from a listener from Pennsylvania and they said, I just wanted to say thank you for breaking down how relationships slowly erode away. You described where I'm currently at with my wife thinking she's not capable of being loved or able to give any more to the relationship. I'm going to be the strong one and show up. Communicate better by understanding how she's feeling when she's not open to talking. But to be honest, I used to be horrible at communicating. So I'm reading some things and trying to change for good, but having you break down the steps. How we go Here was my situation to a T. Makes me feel a little better knowing it's normal. But now I have to start the climb to put the tools in my toolbox and become the person I need to be to save my marriage. Like I've already said, thank you for giving hope to us by talking about these things. I found your podcast at the right moment and I'm thankful I did. Thank you for taking the time to read this and keep doing what you're doing.

I love that. And beautiful Human from Pennsylvania, I want you to know we are here and cheering you on. You absolutely can make that climb. We believe in you. So thank you so much for being here inside the Love Shack with us today. And if this conversation moved you, helped you feel a little more seen, or gave you something to think about or get excited about like we are, then please consider sharing it with someone you care about. Because that's how this podcast grows from human to human. And if it's helped you personally, please also consider leaving us a review. We would really appreciate that. Remember, love isn't built by avoiding the hard stuff. It's built by learning how to move through it with better skills and principles that are life giving. Learn them, practice them and live them. It'll change your life. Bye bye for now.

All right, it's time to leave the Love Shack. But before we part ways, we want you to know our door is always open and we'll leave the porch light on, ready to welcome you back whenever you need a dose of relationship wisdom. For more resources and tools, visit us atlove shacklive.com to dive deeper into the topics we've explored and find additional support for your relationship journey. Stay connected by subscribing to our podcast. Thank you for being part of our Love Shack Live community.

Sa.