#167: You Asked: Real Answers to Your Questions on Space in Relationships

Feeling distant in your relationship, navigating the delicate dance of giving space while staying connected can feel like walking a tightrope. Welcome to Love Shack. Live the beacon for lovers at a crossroads yearning to bridge the emotional gap and reignite a spark that's both genuine and enduring. I'm Stacey Bartley, your guide on this journey to love's revitalization, along with my co host and lover, Tom and our daughter Brooke. In this special episode, we're answering the most pressing questions you, our valued listeners and clients have. From navigating the ebb and flow of your partner's commitment to understanding the balance of space and intimacy, or diving into your concerns with empathy and expertise. How do you support a partner who alternates between seeking closeness and needing solitude? What strategies can transform an in home separation into a journey of personal growth and deeper understanding, especially with children? And how can we identify and release the emotional baggage and that shapes our reactions and our relationships? Ultimately, today we're not just sharing our insights, we're directly responding to your queries, offering tailored advice and strategies that reflect the real challenges and triumphs that you too will experience. Whether it's finding the right words for a partner who communicates passively, or discovering how to stay grounded and giving space, we're here to offer clarity and support. So join us today as we explore these questions and more, providing expert advice and heartfelt stories that shine a light on the path to more understanding, respectful and loving relationships. Together, we'll transform the challenges of space and separation into opportunities for growth, bringing you closer to the relationship you desire and quite frankly, deserve. Because in the Love Shack, we believe in turning relationship challenges into opportunities for growth. Let's begin this journey together. Foreign.

Thank you for coming. Welcome to the Love Shack.

So we're going to start this by asking Brooke to bring the questions to the table that you, our listeners and our clients have asked.

Brooke, could you please give us question number one?

The first question is how can I navigate my partner's fluctuating commitment where moments of progress are suddenly halted by emotional withdrawal? Recognizing this pattern, how can I effectively support and reassure her without overwhelming her or disregarding her need for emotional safety?

When we see patterns of somebody being all in and then pulling away and then all in, I want you to know at some point in time in our lives, we can all relate to this experience. Have we not all been included in something that we just were unsure about and that we'd loved the nuances and the opportunities of? But then we step in and then we start to question Ourselves and our own personal internal conflict and doubt starts to consume us. And this is what's happening with your partner. There's obviously things and memories and experiences that you've co created together and so they want to get all in. But then there's that moment where they're unsure, they don't know. Maybe they remember some difficult times and challenges that you've been through in the past, or maybe some things that they've done in the past to contribute to a lot of the hurt and pain. And they start to bring up those feelings of guilt, remorse, et cetera. And it's in those places where you can very much experience somebody's in, they're connecting with you, you have a wonderful evening together and then the next day they're not returning your phone call. And this is the place that sometimes is navigated as the person themselves is trying to decide what they need to do with the opportunities that the person is offering can be taken up on. The reassurance piece is a wonderful thing. And by the way, listener, I thank you so much for posting this question because you're very astute and the reassurance piece, because that's exactly what needs to happen. It is in these places where we start to question and doubt ourselves that we need reassurance in that it's okay to be where I am. There's probably nobody who's spinning in more conflict than the person who's in and out. And I want you to realize that for any of us in this place, it really kind of is a hell on earth place because we really can't get comfortable anywhere. When I'm not connecting with you, I'm full of doubt and conflict. And when I'm with you, I am full of doubt and conflict with myself. And so it is in this place where I'm trying to establish a place of clarity. Now, unfortunately, this isn't something that you're going to be able to give them. This is work that only they can do. They're going to need to find a place and make a decisive choice about where they're going to land. So this is the reassurance you give. You know, it's okay to be where you are, enjoy the moments where you're connected and you're sharing and you're building and you're having wonderful moments because they count and they're real. And then there might be moments where they're going to pull away. And that reassurance of hey, take the time, do what you need to do is a gift that we give while waiting. Now, on the other side of the table, there's going to become a moment where you can't give that gift anymore. And if you're not there yet, okay, great. Keep the reassurance going. Advocate for what you need, but also reassure. Okay, this is where we're at right now. We're in a state and what we call in the love shack, limbo. And limbo is. I don't want to say it's normal, but it is. When we get into places of questioning everything about our life together, and even to the essence and down to the core of who I am, it's gonna create this push, pull, and I just wanna.

I just had a thought that there's little micro moments of being in limbo in relationships too. Because when you ask your partner a question or you ask for a need to be met, and then they're like, I need to take a few days to think about if this is something that's gonna work for me, that's also being in limbo. But we know that a partner asking for space or separation is the most painful form of limbo. But I wanna remind you of your resilience, that you've experienced many forms of little snippets of love and limbo through your many years of being together. And if you could get through those, you know, you were strong then, you can be strong now too. But like mom 2 said, you have to listen to yourself. And if you feel like you're at the point of breaking, then that's something that you have to honor as well.

Yeah, I love that you brought that up. Because we don't realize that sometimes in these bigger ways that are more emotionally impactful because there are kids and finances and basically the foundation of our life in question, that we've already done a lot of these little things and we'll continue to do a lot of these things. We can have the greatest opportunities and possibilities in our life and yet not feel like I'm in a place personally to take advantage of them for a multitude of reasons. And it doesn't have anything to do with the fact that the possibility itself isn't good and isn't ripe with incredible potential. It is. It's just a matter of whether I can get myself to a place where I can allow myself to accept it, give myself permission to step in, as well as make a decisive choice. And that's often the part that's challenging. So if you're in and giving space, well, then you've already made that choice. I'M here and I want this and I'm willing to do what I can in order to make it possible and do my part. Just recognize that the person that you're co creating with isn't in that place and they're wrestling with the aspect of all those things we just mentioned and trying to find a place to stand on. And once they make a choice, they need to let you know as soon as possible. And in the meantime, all you can do is reassure them that you want this, you love them, you're here for as long as you can, and you hope that they make this choice because you see this potential and this possibility. But then they've got to make their own choice for themselves. I feel like I need to say this. If we leverage them, coerce them, tell them what they need to do and not allow them the space to make this choice. But we're using other forces, like kids, like money, like circumstances to basically coerce them back into the relationship. They might come back, but you won't have them. And what do I mean by that? You'll have a presence in your home. But if they haven't freely chosen to come into the relationship themselves freely on their own accord, then you're gonna have a presence of a human being with no emotional participation. And that's what that looks like. So if I were you, I would err on. Look, if you're gonna do this, get all in with me. And if you can't bring your whole self to the table with me, it's probably best we part ways.

How do I navigate communication with a passive aggressive avoidant partner while avoiding both my anxious behavior and. And completely ignoring their communication style? What does finding a balanced approach to encourage open and communicate open and direct communication look like during a time of space and separation?

There's. There's an interesting phenomenon that happens when we've been in relationship with somebody and the anxious avoidant scenario starts to play out. And this phenomenon is that all of a sudden the anxious really starts to take responsibility for how the avoidant reacts to everything that they say and everything that they do without realizing the reaction is not your responsibility. It's not anything you can fix and it's not really anything that you can curtail. That the responsiveness, their reaction is actually based more on what they're feeling internally than what you are feeling internally. As you're taking it exceptionally personal, you're not responsible for their reaction because if you take responsibility for their reaction, then you're taking responsibility for the entire relationship and the success or failure of it without recognizing and realizing. You just need to be responsible for your own reaction and how you show up. That's your win, and that's true for any of us. And the reason why this very consistent coupling happens is the more that the anxious person takes the responsibility for the reaction of the avoidant, it just gives the avoidant more excuses to be more passive aggressive. And then the again, the anxious person thinks more and more about what they can do in order to jump through a bigger hoop and turn themselves into a pretzel in order to deal with it. And so they avoid and always has something to point to in order to be the excuse as to why they're acting out or responding the way that they are as the anxious takes on more and more responsibility for what's happening in the relationship. And so this question is definitely a version of that. How is it that I can say what I need to say without the reaction of my passively aggressive avoidant partner? And I'm going to suggest to you this, the only side of this equation in communication that you're responsible for is you. And what I would encourage you to do is approach it with places of making a statement, but a question for what it is you want and then see how they react. If they react, you know, in that moment, this has nothing to do with you. And we'll come back to it later. My favorite statement for this is I want to hear what you have to say, but not like this. Why don't you get clear about what it is you want to say and then you come and get me and you leave the responsibility for the reaction where it belongs, on the side of somebody who's being passively aggressive as you step out of it and recognize this is not me, this is where I end and you begin. And this passive aggressive behavior is not something that I need to fix, quite frankly, or tolerate. I approach this in a good way, I know I did. That's the place that you need to stand on being the anxious person. I asked a question, I simply stated what I needed and I asked for it. And if you didn't receive it in a good way, I recognize this isn't my problem, my fault, nor is it something I can solve. Essentially this is work that needs to be done outside of me. Did I do my part? 100% you did. Now leave it with the person, letting them know you want to hear it. But you're not going to tolerate the passive aggressive nature with which they're approaching it. Otherwise you take on the Responsibility. And yet again, start reacting in a way that they can point to you being the problem in regards to why they're avoidant. And I hope that makes sense. It gets a little topsy turvy right there, but that is the best way for you to handle it, and you might need some support for that. Like, the question that you're asking is really, really difficult, often without a little bit of skill and understanding to emotionally manage. Because the more I care, the more anxious I'm going to be. The more responsible I'm going to feel if my person doesn't seem open or receptive to what it is I'm trying to say without realizing if they're not open and receptive to what it is you need to say or want to say. That's very much to do with them and their inability to do what we call here in the love shack an emotional pushup. Okay. And that's not anything that you're going to be able to fix, regardless of all the wonderful communication frameworks and tools and experiences that I give you. Because what they're doing is reacting to the emotion that's firing up in them. And I get it. The logic is, well, if I can just figure out how to not fire that off. The problem with that is you don't know what's firing it off. So how are you going to be successful with that? It's kind of like walking through a landmine and you have no idea where they are. You might get it right once, but then 10 times more you're not going to. And so it's kind of like this metaphor of don't walk through the landmine. Say, you need to tell me what's happening here and help me understand what's going on for you and let me know how I can support you. And here is what I need. And if we can't do that right now, then please go get clear. I do want to hear what you have to say. Get me when you're ready.

Yeah, I mean, I followed that and I've been your partner for a long time, so. Meaning, is it fair to say that to be able to deploy what you just described without any support, someone like us, a body of work, or someone else, is that pretty aggressive thinking that we could have that kind of an approach, have that kind of skill and strategy without some professional assistance?

Well, you know, the. The real truth is we've got to get to a place where we can anchor ourselves and feel good about our part in it. And that's usually what spikes all of the interplay of these two dynamics. I'm not really clear about where I am and what I want and where I'm going and I'm not really clear about how I feel and how I'm thinking. I'm just reacting.

So if one of us is certainly more rooted and more grounded, that's gonna give us a better opportunity 100%.

Because the interplay and the co creation is going to be grounded on one side and then we can't help but just see what's playing out on the other. That's where we get to see places and realizations that when I say this, you don't do that anymore. Now I realize and have to reflect on my own behavior and what I'm saying. There's nobody to blame anymore because you're not playing your role. And so when I say things like, you know what, I want to hear what you have to say, but I'm not going to tolerate this, you go, oh yeah, yeah, there you go again. But I don't pick it up, I don't do anything with it.

You don't take that bait, so to speak.

I don't take the bait. And so I say, yep, I mean it, come get me. I really do want to understand what you have to say, but I'm not going to take this passive aggressive nature. And then they're left with having to manage that piece on their own.

So therein lies one person can literally be the catalyst for change 100%.

And let me just say this. We show up as good as we feel and then the way I feel is really my responsibility. If I'm the one that's feeling it, then I need to manage that. Nobody else can. Nobody else has access to the intel of even how to remedy it. And the problem that most of us face as a human being is we really don't even understand ourselves enough in order to know what that is. So we're highly reactive. We're not responding, we're not thinking about what it is we're doing, we're just reacting and that's an easy place to go. And I can always point to you because we're probably all a hot mess. And so you're saying, well you're doing this. And I'm saying, well you're doing that and you're doing this until somebody goes, I'm not doing this anymore. I'm going to show up in a good way and I'm going to tell you I love you and I want this and I want to do My part, but no more. In fact, I can only do my part anyway. You know, one of the hardest games that we ever play as a human being when it comes to matters of the heart, is trying to save somebody. Whether that be a lover or a child or a dear friend or a parent. We can't save anybody. And that's a really hard realization to come to. And so we have to somehow let go of these ideas. I'm only responsible for my part, no more. And then I have to request, allow, invite. And if I want to wait for the other person to find the way to doing their part, but only if they choose, I. I can't force them to. I can only do my part, which is my win.

How do I stay grounded and anchored in myself when the other person is taking space to come back to themselves?

It's very similar to many of the things that we just talked about. But being grounded in myself, what does that really mean as a human being? It means I'm very aware of and clear about who it is I am and where it is I want to go and how to govern myself in a way that I feel good about. That seems really big and broad. And so I really want to notch it down a little bit. I have to have something that I'm pursuing in regards to the person that I want to be like. For example, I want to be a thoughtful person, I want to be a helpful person. I want to be a kind person. But I also want to be a very strong, independent, bold person. I want to help people, but not to the point of entitlement and not to the point of them taking advantage of me. And so I want to think that, and I attempt to every day want to provide support and insight and help. But when I recognize and realize that I'm starting to cross the lines and I'm over giving, which I have a tendency to do, I need to come back and get rooted in myself by saying I've done enough. It's okay for me to say no. It's okay for me to draw a line here that today, in this moment, at this space and time, I'm saying no because I'm aware of that line inside of myself. And that's what it means in small ways to come back to and stay rooted in ourselves. It's like an understanding and an awareness of where my slippery slope is, what I have a tendency to do, where my weaknesses and my strengths lie, and then have some kind of a target that I'm hitting every day that I can say, okay, Today I'm going to practice this. Today I'm going to get better at this. And that I'm willing also to be reflective and observant of myself, because if I don't have those things, I can't do what I just described. And so although we have a big vision, the practice of it literally is every day, every day I stay rooted in myself. Every day I try and come home. To me, it's a place that I can over give and overextend so easily, or get defensive and push people away when I really want them to come close. That it really needs to be a daily practice and not thought of as this place that I arrive or this idea of grandeur in this. I just start small. But it's gotta start with a clarity and a working acumen of how I think, how I feel, what I need, where my slippery slope is, where my weaknesses are, and the ability that it's okay to make messes and be self reflective and I'll just simply take my next best step. That's where we need to go.

We're doing an in home separation with kids in the house. What strategies can I use to make this work? I always want to talk to her or text her or call her or hug her. She wants her space with her friends and I overthink what she's doing and I end up calling and texting her.

And in home separation is one of the most challenging things that you will embark on. If I could liken it unto something, it would be not the super bowl itself, but very close, like the playoffs. Getting to the super bowl, it's hard. Why? Because you see what's going on, as crazy as that sounds. And in the home separation means that I don't have a place where I really have my own safe space and I'm not also exposed to the happenings of the person that I'm living with. And so when all of a sudden I see them putting on their favorite perfume or cologne, or I see them putting on that outfit that they used to wear when we would go out, it's normal for our human brains to start going, okay, this is what this means. And we start making up narratives about what's happening and what they're doing. And then it doesn't take long for our brains to kind of run away with us. And then that's usually what promotes or perpetuates the need for me to just reassure myself, really. If you think about it, why am I reaching out and texting them? It's because I'M needing a little reassurance that you're coming home. Right honey? You want this to work, right honey? Right, babe? We got this, right? We're still working on us. Come on, give me a pep talk because I am literally starting to tumble in my nightmare. It starts with just things that are simple, just like that. And it's hard to not expose yourself in in home separation like that. So this would be the greatest challenge of, of in home separation. Now, I understand from financial needs and circumstances that sometimes an in home separation is what we need to do. And I applaud you for wanting to do the right thing for your family and to be there for the kids if it's at all possible. You need to get busy with your own life as you trade off the kids and then have some agreements around what is our baseline of when are we going to talk, when are we going to share? Do we do dates? Do we still have sex? Do we still have dates together as a family? And if so, when? What are all of these look like? And these are agreements that we actually have to have. And you'll find that if you have some things to hang on to, some agreements that create what I call a parameter, then navigating this space together becomes much easier. Because even if you see them spraying on the fancy perfume or cologne and getting all dolled up for the night, you know that you have our time together on Saturday. I can keep it together in that way if that's not the case and we can't have agreements, which I hope you don't go down that road. You need agreements in regards to something to hang on to, something to anchor yourself to. Otherwise it's going to be one reaction nightmare after another. And quite frankly, you would be better off to stay at your parents house or your best friend's house or coworker's house to give you that sanctuary that you need so that you're not firing off with all of the stimuli that is happening. And do what's called bird nesting where the kids don't rotate, but we take turns being in the house with the kids, if that's available. That's usually a better option for this time. Because living together can create so many things. If we don't have really good parameters and agreements around them.

Yeah, there's constant triggers.

Constant. Yeah, constant. And they're little, they're teeny. It's not the big ones, it's the little ones where you see them on social media again or scrolling on their phone or wearing a certain outfit or Putting on lipstick or wearing the date shirt. Yeah. It's really hard to not let our brains start firing off and then it makes up some narratives that quite honestly, nine times out of ten are not true. But nonetheless, your emotions that are following that thought that you are having sure.

Make it feel like they're true.

Sure make it feel like they're true. And so then we find our place on this overreaction space on both sides, not just one way. Right. So it's really difficult to do that without some really clear agreements and parameters. And if you need some help with that, please, please, please, we have some resources to help you with that because otherwise it's really, really hard and the reaction is just really hard to keep track of it. And that's just our emotional nature. It's how we're wired. You know, feelings follow thought. So if I start thinking a thought and I start going down that rabbit hole, well, then of course the emotions and the fear and the insecurities that that brings up in me from that thought are gonna follow. And then that becomes so overwhelming, I don't have a win there other than doing whatever I need to do in order to find some reassurance with you. And that's going to be probably where you're going to cross some boundaries and get a little defensive and overreact and get emotional and do all those things that create more challenges and drama in the relationship instead of like making progress.

In the relationship because you are sharing the same space like Stacy should. Now, this is follow me closely. Feelings follow thought, but they also travel faster. And because you don't have any physical buffer, guess what? It's not going to go well because we don't have any time to recalibrate so that it's almost. It really is designed to not go well. It's, you know, God, universe, spirit has rigged it against us. They follow thought, but they go quicker. Like, come on, how are we supposed to navigate that? It's very tricky and it takes a lot of practice and we're in a very heightened state. And this our partner, husband, wife, partners. Right. Literally. Right.

Why buy us the best scenario of in home space and separation is an upstairs, downstairs with an own entrance. You know, think of it like, like you really do need your in law.

Quarters, if you will.

Something like that.

A basement with its own entry.

And, and how can you set your house up in a space like that? You know, is there a shed in the back? Is there a basement? Is there some place of separation where I can have my space Your space. Because if your bedroom's right next door to mine and we're sharing the bathroom and I see everything that you're doing while we're trying to support the kids, it's going to be really hard. It's going to be really, really difficult.

You know, I always like the sage, you know, statement. Create the conditions that make the result inevitable. And that's doing this again. I. We understand it, but it's going to. It definitely adds a lot of complexity. So it's. It's going to take some careful strategy to make it work.

I just want to say one more thing there. And you need a safe place to decompress without any triggers or stimuli. You need a place where you can go and you can just sit and be with yourself and decompress. Because if you're constantly in a state of just triggers firing off all the time, you're essentially putting yourself in a situation where there's no win there. You're just going to emotionally exhaust yourself. And everybody collectively is going to create a tremendous amount of drama. And it's going to become so chaotic and so muddied as it escalates, unfortunately, that it's gonna be difficult to create a true win out of that. So, you know, we need these times and places to suspend. That's why we isolate and pull away as a human being. Because I need to just decompress and think about what the heck is going on with me. What am I thinking, what am I feeling, what's going on? I need to recalibrate outside of all of the firing off and that reaction and triggers. So it's important for us to create a safe place where we can do that.

Last question. How do you determine what is the baggage that you are carrying around that is affecting how you're responding in your relationship? And then once you're able to identify the baggage and become aware of it, how do you let it go?

So identifying our baggage is actually pretty easy. I want you to think about all the places where I get defensive or maybe manipulative, or I find myself getting fired up all over the place where I react like that. That's my baggage. My baggage can then be something that I look to understand. And that's where traditional counseling therapies, coaching those kinds of things. It really is a byproduct of helping you understand more about yourself and why you react and behave the way that you do. That is how we start to work with our baggage and let it go. And I just want to be honest here. Baggage is Something that we work with on a daily basis. We don't just arrive at the end of our baggage and go, okay, we're good, I'm done now check the box. I've healed. I'm never going to feel that way again. I think that's a real misnomer in reality, when we think about embarking on looking at my baggage, Understanding my baggage is like understanding what sets me off. And then when I find myself getting set off, that's in the. That's the moment where I go, oh shit, that's my baggage, isn't it? How do I want to respond instead once I've caught it? So the reaction is going to happen, but when I feel the feeling and then do something different than what I typically do, that's where healing comes from. And when I do that over time, then you start to realize that you let the baggage go and that what used to fire you off and caused this reaction and you no longer is the case because I've now know what to do instead of that. So there, there's two parts to that, right? I need to know what the problem is or what I'm doing. That's this reactive thing. And most of us as human beings know what that is. It's painful, right? I'm uncomfortable, I react. I'm either getting defensive and pulling away and becoming avoidant and I'm ripping somebody's face off, right? That's your baggage. That's a trigger. Okay, well, I can look into why I'm doing that. But more importantly, what would you want to do instead when you feel those feelings and that's where I would encourage you to go. Do I want to be able to stand in the space and be patient? Do I want to listen more? Do I want to react less? Do I need to ask for more of what it is I want? Do I want to ask more questions instead of rip off your face? Or do I need to be able to express myself at a more even killed place? Right. Instead of attacking, I just simply disclose and share where I'm at and allow you to do the same. Everything I just said, they're skills. They're skills and things that we practice when that emotion fires and it will in a nanosecond and we feel it, it's honest to decide and understand what that is. We have to digest it down and then we have to decide what we want to do instead. That's where healing occurs over time. And there are some things that are going to be with us for a lifetime, right? There Are places that still, I mean, as much as I know and understand them and know what to do differently, I go, ah, quite honestly, I've had a couple of them today where I, I felt those old emotions and I thought, okay, I got this. And I did good for a minute. And then, okay, well, I guess I still got some work to do on that. I want you to see the win is that you understand what it is and that you understand what you want to practice with it and that you allow yourself to work with it in that way. The alternative to that is to not want to uncover it, not want to look at it, not want to do anything different and expect and control the people around you to make it possible that those feelings never come up in you again. So you blame them, you try and control them, you try and coerce and manipulate them and you find that the more I do that, the more of a hot mess I am. Because there is nothing I'm going to be able to control in my external circumstances that is going to be controlled enough that it won't fire those feelings up in me that I don't want to feel. My one principle is this. If you're the one feeling it, it's a message for you. You are the only one who can remedy it, you're the only one who can understand it and you're the only one that can give it an upgrade. And I know that really sucks. How easy would it be and how wonderful if we could just blame the people that fire that shit off on us that it's their fault and expect them to fix it, except for it doesn't work like that, so I gotta do the work myself. That's work only I can do when it comes to baggage. And we all have some. I mean, I hope that gives you a little comfort. Everybody has baggage. That's what I mean when I say nobody gets a hall pass. We all have baggage for a multitude of reasons, but we all have something that we're pushing on right now in order to get to the next level of who it is. We have the capacity to be. That's not a bad thing. We're never going to get it all done and figured out anyway. So, you know, settle into the journey and be able to smile at yourself and laugh at yourself and allow yourself to make messes and then reset and do a do over and go again. That's what will make life better and that you can spend more time in what I call the good stuff. Well, so if by chance you or your partner are trapped in the silent dance of unspoken expectations and separation. And this has led to a place of space and separation in your relationship. It's a common yet painful reality where the absence of clear communication leads to distance and misunderstanding. So if this is where you are, if you're struggling or relate to any of the questions that were asked today, I just want to invite you to check out our love and limbo 30 day roadmap. It's designed to break the cycle of unvoiced agreements, providing you with the tools and skills you need to reconnect with yourself first. So join us to uncover the tools you need to express your needs and desires openly while fostering a deeper understanding and intimacy. So you can secure your spot now@loveinlimboroadmap.com and you can too. You too can discover the transformative power of crafting agreements that not only pave the way for healing and rebuilding trust, but also open up new horizons for what your future can hold. It's an opportunity to align visions and establish mutual goals and commit to actions that nurture your bond towards a brighter, more fulfilling future. That is something that if that is the place you're in, we'd love to support you on that journey. Our Follow the Fun today is a little something that sometimes I love to do do when I'm feeling a bit less joy.

I wouldn't say I'm hope hopeless, just less joy.

Yeah, just less joy.

And I like that.

I'm noticing I'm kind of like trying to flatline. I'm starting to go, man, what, what is going on?

You need to pop in the emotional gas tank.

Yeah, I need a pop in the emotional gas tank. And I find that this is a really great experience for me. So I'm passing it along to you today in hopes that it will do the same for you. It's based on the principle of this desire brings hope. So if I allow a voice to happen within me that causes joy to flood in and possibility in regards to future hopes and dreams, I can all of a sudden find a place to get excited about my life and what's possible for me again. And what's so common and so often we do as human beings is that the more joyless I am, the more, the less I give myself permission to think about, well, what could be in the future? Where could I go? What is possible for me? I need to reconnect to that again. And if I do, then okay, I can find my way back to that place of hope and joy within me. So I Want to ask you this question and this is what I do. I get. I literally get out a piece of paper and a pen or sometimes I make a Pinterest board. I love to go and see the images of like pulling things together and remembering. Oh yeah, I really wanna do that. It's kind of like going through your photos in your phone. It's like, oh yeah, I remember that. I forgot all about, I wanted that. That was so important to me. Oh yeah, I remember that happened and I loved it when so and so and such and such happened. And it answers this simple question, what do you want more in life? Go wild here. And there are no right or wrong answers, just your answers. So I invite you to give yourself permission to come up with, write down, explore, image in images, whatever comes to mind without filtering it. And here's a very simple list of mine. Sometimes I want more patience. Sometimes I want more magical moments. I want more dark chocolate or more wine. Sometimes I want more travel or more motorcycle rides. I want a brand new convertible or uncontrollable laughter. Sometimes I'm seeking new perspectives and new experiences somehow or maybe sharper intuition and maybe a little more trust in the universe so that I know that everything is gonna be okay. Not only for me, but for the people that I love. These are the moments where we go, okay, it's gonna be okay. I can get to tomorrow. So try it out, let me know what you think. I'd love to hear from you.

So what do you want more of now?

What do you want more of now? Do it through words if that's your thing, or images. Scroll through your phone, take some pictures of things that you want. You could look at it around you in your day to day life, right? Start thinking and asking yourself what I want more of. I want that. I want that. I want that. You find that we all have a little inner 2 year old that goes, ah, I want that, I want that, I want that. But we just never really give a voice to that. And that simple little thing can refuel you with much hope and joy. Our song today is a wonderful artist, Kat Eaton. She has a song called Addicted and she says, you're under my skin. I know I should fight it but I'm caving in I don't know what to do. I'm head over heels and I'm addicted to you. It's a really great song, so check it out. You can check this out on the Spotify playlist called Love Shack Live playlist. Or you can also check out our website at staceybartley. Com. We also have a list of all of our songs for each and every episode there for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. That is wrap today. Thank you so much for being here with us and a shout out to the people who have submitted their questions and their shares to help us with this episode today. Thank you. We appreciate that. And if by chance you have a question that you would like answered here in the Love Shack, don't hesitate to reach out to us at our website, staceybartley. Com. And if you're interested in the Roadmap, you know that you need some help and support during this difficult time of space. You can check out that on our website as well. And just one more little thing, if you don't know if that's something that works for you, you can always check out a session, a love and limbo session that's different than the 30 day roadmap. That's a one night event where you get to come together and we answer your questions. All right, that's a wrap. Thank you so much for being here with us today. Bye bye for now.

All right, it's time to leave the Love Shack. But before we part ways, we want you to know our door is always open and we'll leave the porch light on, ready to welcome you back whenever you need a dose of relief. Relationship Wisdom for more resources and tools, Visit us at loveshacklive.com to dive deeper into the topics we've explored and find additional support for your relationship journey. Stay connected by subscribing to our podcast. Thank you for being part of our Love Shack Live community.

Sam.