#174: Surviving Relationship Gaps: Real Stories from Love In Limbo Graduates (Part 2)

Feeling like there's more distance than closeness in your relationship these days, It's a really tough spot to be in, especially when you're going through it alone. Hi there. I'm Stacy Bartley, and alongside is my co host and lover, Tom, and our insightful daughter, Brooke. Together, we welcome you to the Love Shack. Here is where we dive deep into the heart of relationships, especially when needing space or facing separation. In today's episode, we're zeroing in on weeks three and four of our Love and Limbo roadmap. We're talking about the big stuff, how to communicate when you're feeling worlds apart and how to make space a thing that brings you closer, not something that pulls you further apart. I know, it sounds like a paradox, doesn't it? Making space in a way that actually helps you create connection in your relationship Today also, Brooke and I and Tom aren't alone in this conversation. We've got three very special guests joining us. People who have actually walked this path and come out on the other side. They've actually navigated the tricky waters of space and separation and have some real lived experiences to share with you today. I am sure that their stories will be the insight that you need to see your situation in a new light. So if you're wondering, how do you take this time apart and use it to build stronger, more connected relationships even, question, is that really possible, that we can actually grow individually without growing apart, you're in the right spot. We're all about tackling these questions head on, offering you support and guidance with a new perspective. Today's conversations are all about turning challenges into opportunities for growth and connection right here inside the Love Shack.

Hey, thank you for coming. Welcome to the Love Shack.

So I think we need to dive in and we actually need to begin with a recap on part one. Part one of our 30 day roadmap we shared in last week's episode. Brookie, what number is that?

173.

Thank you so much. You can tell I don't count so well. It's a journey designed not just to survive relationships, but to thrive within it. And it lasts for 30 days. Why 30 days, you might ask? Because profound transformation unfolds over time and nurtured by insight, reflection, and dedicated effort. So 30 days is just the right amount of time to take a journey. It's not too long, it's not too short, but it's just the right time for you to build, learn, practice, and shore yourself up to experience meaningful change. And each week during this roadmap, Experience. We dive into new aspects of relationships, both within yourself and within your connection to others. We do this through guided exercises, reflections, actions that are needed to practice. They foster understanding and resilience. And it's a very careful, orchestrated, step by step dance that we have created from literally more than a decade of experience working couples through this very difficult place. Okay, so we didn't just throw something on the wall. It's actually what we know is needed that helps you navigate to a better place during this time of space and separation that will ensure the best outcome possible. So in part one, we talk all about weeks one and weeks two. Week one was all about coming home to yourself. We talked about in part one why this is so critically important. And long story short, it's because we need to find ourselves on the map. Like, where are you? What do you want? What do you need? What's not working for you? We need to talk about these things. And so often we can negate all of that in a need to just make the relationship work, or in a need to just get my partner to come home or come back or re engage with me. And in this place, there is often a tremendous amount of self rejection that we really don't pay any attention to. We really don't even know that it's happening. And often this has been a place of self rejection long before the relationship happened. The relationships just happened to put it on steroids. Okay, so these are the things that we talk about and uncover in week one. Week two is all about emotional weightlifting. Well, what the heck is that? We talk all about that. But long story short, emotional weightlifting is the ability to emotionally regulate yourself with skill. And the skill part is necessary because we really can't go any farther until we understand how to do a measure of emotional regulation. It's like I need to stay out of defensiveness, manipulation, I need to know how to set boundaries, I need to know how to navigate. No, these are all just examples of the several skills that are necessary for that emotional regulation and weightlifting to happen. And so that we can move through some of the more challenging conversations like communication. I can't give you communication if we don't have a working acumen of emotional weightlifting because you won't use it every time you get emotionally fired off. You're going to do what it is you've probably been doing until you know what to do differently, which is the whole point of week two regarding emotional weightlifting. And I think that brings us up to current moment where we're going to dive into part Two today, which is week three of communication like I already touched on. We're going to talk about that today, dive into that conversation, some things that you too can do right now to improve your overall perspective and communication today. And then we're going to dive into week four, which is all about navigating agreements, commitments. What is the difference? And this is where we ultimately encourage you to put a plan together either for yourself and if it's available for you and your. Your partner so that we can work on specific things. It's interesting. We always say in a time of place, of separation and space, I just need to work on myself, or I just got to figure some things out for myself. And everybody goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's really a good idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can see we're not doing so great together as a couple. I need to go find myself. And there's enough awareness in our social culture that we understand that getting a handle and a connection and a general relationship going with myself is a really good idea. But what we don't talk so much about is, well, how the hell do I do that? And so everybody takes space and separation and goes, okay, okay, okay, we got step one. And then everybody just, I don't know, hopes and praise that it's going to just magically happen, or I'm going to somehow trip over finding myself, or I'm just going to start dating again, and maybe that's the journey, or maybe I'm going to start traveling and maybe that's the journey. And not that any of these are bad ideas, I'm just simply suggesting there is a better way to go about this. There is a better way for us to look at reflectively what works, what doesn't, as well as garner some skills along the way and just some understanding of basic principles that rudder life and relationships well.

And I think it's going to really, really optimize this time of space. I share often in our clarity calls not in a disrespectful manner, but I say, you know, to be honest, if I. I'm just using a makeup name. Mary, I don't imagine you would be speaking to me right now if in fact you were not in this difficult place of space. And they say, you're absolutely right. So, meaning, okay, I. I get it. This is painful. This is maybe not ideal, but what if we set it up to maximize this time that you may be gifting yourself for the first time in a long time, or maybe the first time ever? Space plus space plus space equals more Space. That's why we say often and repetitively, it's space with a plan and a purpose.

Well, and I just want to say there's going to be some emotional motivation that happens because of the pain and discomfort that you're in. And we want to take advantage of that. Like sometimes we don't really think about. There's an upside to discomfort. It is an incredible motivator. And if I were to stack on that thought, I also want to share with you that we'll do things for love and relationships in this discomfort that we would never imagine ourselves doing. And that is a good thing. Why? Because I will do things now that I would have refused to do just a month or two or a year or two ago. And now it's sounding like a pretty dang good idea.

Well, and the fact that you're pressing up against something and in this place it's emotional. But that's the universal science principle. That's how we gain and grow and expand. I mean, in the physical world we're not going to have physical gains unless we press against things we do. Different ways to move and work our body. It's very, you know, resoundly understood principle. It's the same process. The fact that it's difficult and there's friction, that's not bad. It may be uncomfortable. Yes, most likely it is, but that doesn't mean it's bad. It's just, it's uncomfortable.

We, we have a, a very strong narrative in our social culture right now that if there are bad emotions, like painful, challenging emotions, then we've done something wrong, that we're supposed to feel good all the time. And I just want to say boldly and loudly, that is not mental and emotional health and well being. Mental, emotional health and well being is. We can navigate all the emotions and we have the skill and understanding necessary to navigate them all. We can leverage them all well.

And it requires us to expand our range, expand our ability to, to navigate. Yeah. A much broader. But think about how much more equipped you're going to be to the true realities of the life we're all living in right now.

Yeah. So let's talk about the power of communication and its role in the relationship space. Relationships are created because we understand and can reach back in our memories about all the sharing, all the communication that happened while the relationship was being created. And it's a really magical, wonderful time where we're laying down the foundations of our relationship. And it's happening from hours and hours and hours of uninhibited free flowing communication, conversation. And so that's what creates connection, is I share a little piece of me with you and you share a little piece of you with me. And those literally create the threads of connection that bond us. That's how all relationships, if you think about it, are created. We're sharing, we're talking. And so this is why as relationships become challenged, we say, well, we just need to talk more. We just, we just got to share, we got a communication problem. Yes, you do have a communication problem, but the communication is really not the primary issue. The words that I say are important and how I say it is important. But until I do the part that we just touched on in part one, emotional regulation, you're not going to be able to get to the communication part. We think we have a communication issue because we don't understand we need to emotionally regulate ourselves. And that's what usually sends our communication sideways. So once we have a handle on that, yes, the way I structure things and the way that I say things or not say things matter, because what happens is how I structure it is going to fire off more emotion that then I gotta struggle with regulating and the whole conversation derails. So the power of communication is, is a building block. Once we have emotional weightlifting abilities and skill and it doesn't take a lot, but it does take some and then I can start giving you some communication frameworks. The number one thing that I can share with you is in communication. So often we resort to communication tactics like debate or negotiation or a big sales job, which I just want to point out are forms of manipulation. I'm trying to get my needs met as a human being by coercing, obligating, cornering, justifying, blaming, finger pointing, being in charge, being in control, or going along with and pleasing, putting up with, not having a voice, not having an opinion, thinking, oh, that must be it, that's what's going to make my relationship better. And all of these are just a variety of forms that we put in a box called manipulations to get my needs and wants met or to help me manage and navigate through the emotional discomforts of co creating with another person. And so our communication becomes very aggressive or it becomes non existent where I bottom out and I'm not going to say anything. I'm thinking of a darling couple right now and they are so fearful of hurting each other's feelings, of being seen in a poor light or being judged harshly for their perspective. It's very difficult for them to fight through the emotional fear, to actually Say anything because they care so much. That can also be a dynamic in a relationship. Another common one is somebody trying to run the narrative of the relationship to manage their own fears and insecurities. So I want to be in charge. I want to control the narrative. I want to point the fingers. I want to correct my partner, because I just know if they would start doing or stop doing some of these things, that everything would be fine. And so I'm constantly trying to control the narrative without realizing the single pursuit in a conversation around lovers is I just need to pursue understanding first of myself. My ability to translate my own thoughts, feelings, and emotions into a language that first I can understand so that I can share it with you in my communication, and then to allow you the permission and the space to do the same. I don't have to agree with you. I just need to pursue understanding where you're coming from. And ironically, I can't do that. If I'm all twisted up and fired off emotionally, I won't have the bandwidth to do that. So, ironically, that is the biggest part of communication is not necessarily even the words that I use, but the space that I create by my own actions and behavior that allows and paves the way for open communication to actually happen. Once again, anybody want to chime in on that one?

This communication conversation is huge. It's absolutely the top one or two reasons why people reach out to us, why people book a clarity call with me when we asked like three or four questions as to what's your goal? What what do you'd like to accomplish? Where are you having challenges? Communication is always listed again, right. In first couple words or sentences. So I think it's important for us to really, really understand what Stacy has just shared. Like we say often we can teach you communication frameworks to the day is long, but unless you understand this emotional regulation part, it's not going to matter because you're going to become a hot mess. And guess what? Everything you've learned gonna get thrown right out the window.

Yeah. You're gonna say and do a bunch of things you didn't really mean and that you regret later, and then you're gonna have to defend that.

Right.

Okay. So. So pursuit of understanding. First myself and then my partner, number one. Number two is what you're focusing on in our communication to solve our issues in our conversations, we believe in a narrative that's very common, that we have to focus on the problem, and that if we don't focus on the problem and handle the problem, we don't get to the root of the heart of the matter, then where it is we want to go will will constantly elude us. So we feel like we have to put our relationship in suspended space while we dive in and have the difficult conversations that we haven't been having. And that that's going to take us ultimately to the place that we want to go. And I want with all the love in my heart for you to understand we can make progress and we must along the way. Because there, holding my relationship in suspended space, that's not going to happen. That's an illusion. Because every day life is playing out. Every day we're needing to interact. Every day we're either stacking on some of these challenges or we're moving through them. And so we start creating this really. It's a wall of fear about all the things we can and can't talk about. And then they go unresolved and unspoken. And we just hope that this is going to go well without realizing there's no way that's going to happen. It just gets more terrifying to actually share and communicate. And if we do communicate, if we have those moments where all of a sudden the topic that we've been just racked in anxiety about or frustration about gets presented on the table, I take it as a window of opportunity to dive in and finally say what it is I wanted to say. And I'm going to do it now. And I'm going to insist that we do it in one round and one conversation. And that never goes well. It always takes us to the same place. And this is how we develop cycles of fighting. So the things that we focus on matter. And what we tend to do, especially when we've had a backlog of things that have been exceptionally difficult for us to navigate as a couple and navigate personally as a an individual is, I'll take this opportunity for those things to get put on the table, and then I'll dive in with both feet and just start just starting talking. I'm emotionally, like, releasing the frustration, et cetera, et cetera, by focusing on, you do this, you do this, you do this, you do this. I can't believe that you still do this. When are you going to stop doing that? When are you going to start doing this? And we essentially just criticize and judge the behavior of myself or others, and then we're left with that. There's no conversation or focus or intent on, well, okay, if this isn't working, then what do we want to do instead? Because that's actually what's going to take us forward. We don't spend any time in that conversation whatsoever. It's almost like this elusive quality that if I just get to talking about and talk about all the stuff that's not working, then somehow the emergence of a solution is going to come out of that. And the reality is it never will. It's not coming. We need to find the other side of that conversation, which is what works, what will help you, what will service. Where would you like to go instead and spend more time on that side of the communication than this part? And when you think about it, that's exactly how our relationship started. We were talking about exploring the possibilities of what it is we wanted and what do we wanted to create and where we wanted to go in spite of our difficult past, in spite of the mistakes. We could talk about the mistakes and the blunders of the past, right? The mishaps, et cetera. And they were embraced and they were accepted and allowed. We need to get back to doing that. And it's a simple thing where you can take a don't want and simply start talking about what you do want. You could even say, you know what, this is happening. It's really difficult for me and I'm really struggling with this. But what I'd like instead is this. Is that possible? How do we make this happen? Are you on board? Will you travel there with me? And that needs to become the majority of our communication and not so much banging around on the don't want. That is a bottomless pit that we can last our lifetime in that will never take us anywhere. It only ensures that our tomorrows will feel a lot like yesterday and the next day like the past and the next day like the past. And these emotions that we're trying to heal from or move on from or understand continue to be perpetuated because of our focus on our communication around it. Okay, we use words for weapons instead of building bridges and seeking what it is we want. Okay, so just to recap this week is I've got to focus on understanding myself and understanding my partner. I've got to focus on the pursuit of that understanding with permission. Doesn't mean I agree with you, just means I understand you. I need to focus more on the want, not the don't want in order to take us forward into a new place. And don't use your words as weapons manipulation tactics will never get us there. It will take us to a fight every time.

And now we're stepping into a truly inspiring part of today's Episode here in the love shack. In this segment, we're thrilled to welcome guests who have personally traveled the journey of the love in limbo 30 day roadmap. These aren't just stories. They are real life experiences of transformation and growth. Each of our guests today has navigated the complexities of giving space in their relationships, and they've come out stronger with valuable insights to share. Their stories illuminate the challenges they've faced, the breakthroughs they've achieved, and the profound impact the roadmap has had on their lives and relationships. So let's bring them in and hear directly about their journeys. Maybe you'll see a reflection of your own relationship and their stories or find the encouragement you need to start your own journey of healing and connection. We have the three graduates and mentors of love and limbo 30 day roadmap on with us now. And we were just having a little talk before we hit record. And I was saying, when we're in this place of space and separation or contemplating our relationship, I remember in my marriage to my ex husband waking up one morning and saying, is this really as good as my life is gonna get? Is this how it's gonna go forever? I'm only 30. I was 30 at the time. Now I'm 37. But it kind of felt like, wow, that's a long way to go if this is how it is. But also, on the other hand, you think, okay, well, if I get some help. And at the time, I was working for my parents, so I had two relationship coaches available to me. But if you admit that you need help or you say, okay, guys, I need to take this course myself, all of those things, it feels like, okay, I'm going down the slide of my relationship being over. And that can be just as hard as making the choice to stay or go is getting help. Because it feels like once you say you need help, then you're on the freefall to divorce or breakup. And yeah, sometimes that is the case, but also it's. Sometimes it's not true.

You.

You're gonna be okay. You just need some new tools and skills. Long story short is what's the other option is just staying suspended in this space where you're wondering if this is gonna be as good as it gets, but you do nothing about it because you're scared of the alternative.

Oh, maybe that therapy session or getting that counseling session is that spark of hope that needs as well, though the. The flip side of that. And yeah, I agree.

So I wanted to ask each of you if you'd be willing to. What was your experience prior to coming to the road? And then ultimately, what tipped you over to saying, okay, I'm just going to do this? So where were you living in this place? In limbo? What was that experience like for you? And then what tipped you over the edge? I. I know that there's gonna be some wonderful things that point out of this because we know how the nar. The narrative goes, right? So I don't want to get ahead of ourselves. I just get excited. What was going on for you and what were you making up about your situation? And then what tipped you over into joining the roadmap? Whoever wants to jump in and go first?

For myself, it had felt like the world had fallen out from under my feet. When my wife and I separated, I was lost. I had no sense of self without there being. My identity was tied to the marriage. It was not tied to myself. And I needed hope. I wanted hope. I wanted to stop the hurt. And I didn't know how to. I knew that I had to take care of myself, and I was taking care of myself to a point. Then along came your team, and I heard about the 30 day roadmap, and that felt like a beacon of hope on the horizon. And I said, I'm gonna go for it because I've got nothing to lose here and everything to gain. And, yeah, the roadmap helped me reconnect with myself. It helped me find myself again, and it helped me find my identity. Refined my identity and my respect for myself and my love for myself.

Yeah, nothing feels better than that, right?

When I think back to that place, when my husband had told me he needed space, and I just felt like a part of me was just completely ripped open and I didn't know quite what to do. And I was just information gathering. I was trying to just think, like, how do I fix this? How do I get him the information he needs to hear whatever that band aid was to be able to fix it? And I knew that Bis, I was thinking about this earlier, but it may sound a little shallow, but I didn't think the problem was me. And I was just like, well, maybe if I could just get the right information in his hands and he, here's the right thing. Maybe with whatever tools it is that I learn, I can show him this. And of course, I was digging into your podcast and I was just eating everything up, and it was exactly everything that I needed here to. And you guys had mentioned a couple of times about this 30 day roadmap. About really finding yourself and having a community of people that would, you'd be able to go alongside with. And the thing that appealed to me was being able to learn the skills of just how to navigate relationships in the first place. I've not always had a ton of luck in relationships. I find myself getting lost in relationships easily. I think when I got into the roadmap, I wasn't quite ready to be approached with the questions of who are you? What are the things that you like? I had always based who I was face off with the people that I loved and the things that they enjoyed and I wanted to make them happy. And then I'm sitting here being asked these questions like what is it that you enjoy? What is it the things that you want to pursue? And I was like, I've always got in relation to somebody else and I know that it can maybe be a common story amongst women. My self esteem really wasn't in the greatest place either. And I didn't realize the need to learn how to love myself. And I know that that's such a cliche thing to say, but I didn't think I was quite ready to learn just how much I liked myself too. I didn't realize the person that was really in here and so could be able to learn these skills to not only love myself, but then learn to be able to like the person that I'm sitting here with today. I think that just has now prepared me to be an even better person that if, God willing, my husband decides he would like to come home, there's a whole new person there that I think both of us will then get to explore. And so I think without your guys mentorship and without this program, I don't think I would have been there.

I totally relate to you. When I started on this journey decades ago, right, Trying to find myself, I very much identify with your story. And I remember people would say, stace, you just gotta love yourself. Just love yourself. And I think, and if I don't, what does that, where do I begin? Give me that as your answer, like how do we get started on that?

You're like, I do love myself. I take care of myself. I do the things that I need to do. I, I love others the way I want to love. And I think the thing is that I didn't realize that I didn't like myself. And so I was scared to look at myself and look at who I was and who I wanted to be. So there was no point of reference for me to be coming from there Was no point of reference of whoa, what is it that I want? Not that I want him to do or whoever it is to do and be in point of relation to my life. Who is it the person that I'm even asking them to love?

I remember my answer to that. If I were to answer it, as my old self would be, I love myself as long as I have somebody else to love.

You know, I was just asked this question the other day by a mentor and a friend of mine and they looked at me and they said, who said you had to stop loving? Who said that your love stopped here? That you have to wait on anyone else for you to start loving, living your life, loving you, loving others. If you sat there, you pressed pause on your whole life waiting on others, you're never going to get anywhere.

Yep.

I would say a lot of people probably have a different version of what Mom2 said. I love myself as long as my partner loves me. I know your partner does not stop loving you when they ask for space, but I definitely feel like a lot of people feel that way, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Mason, love your thoughts on this.

So I found myself after another disgrunt relationship. I've been in a relationship since high school, 20 years. Not the same person, but from relationship to relationship, starting off so great, over the moon about this person and about myself and how my life was going. And then just everything just seems to hit the fan for some reason. I can't seem to navigate out of what the problem is. And I kept avoiding the problem. I didn't know how to identify it. I didn't know how to explore my own thoughts, feelings or emotions. And anytime any of those words are brought up to me, I would just bolt. So after this relationship is okay, I have to be the common denominator. Not that I proved myself that I'm not broken, that I do have a lot to offer and a lot of love to give. So after this relationship that I was just in, I started diving into books and I found attachment theory and found out that avoidance and anxious or runner chaser or whatever you want to call it. And then I, you know, was on TikTok just doom scrolling and came across some of your videos and I was like, this is really speaking to me. What is this? I have to find out more because I mean, I've done therapy and I wasn't big on therapy for other reasons, but started listening to the podcast starting from episode one and moving forward and then jumping into the 30 day roadmap. It's just, it was life changing for me just to have all of this laid out so calmly and peacefully and logically easy to digest and at my own pace. There was no pressure. There was no, you're doing this wrong. It's at my pace. And I'm surrounded by love and by a community of people that may be experiencing things similar or on contrast, what my partner may have been experiencing at that time to give me some insight as well. And gosh, that was a beautiful thing. Loved it so much. And I have found myself in that process and then again prove to myself that I am not this broken person that I thought that I was.

Well, and. And quite the contrary. Mason, I feel like I want to say this publicly is you are such a gift to this community because very rarely do we get what we would say an avoidant person in a place of community. I mean, I think about how courageous that is. You are so courageous and brave and by nature of that, not only are you not broken, you are such an incredible contribution to help us, like you said, understand and see the contrasted side that. That being avoidant is not needing to be fixed. It's needing to be understood just as much as the anxious side is. There are reasons that we do both. And so thank you for being that gift to our community. It is truly, truly a gift.

That's my pleasure.

Your courageous nature. Speaking of community, what did you guys think about the community component? Having done this work for a while, usually community, like, I'm going to do this in community. I'm going to have to talk. I'm going to share. Oh, my gosh, this is going to be terrible. I'd love your thoughts on what you experienced around the thought of community in doing this together as a group versus maybe the traditional idea of I'm just going to talk to one on one someone in private session about how to navigate through.

Yeah, I would just stack on that. So when you read on our sales page or whatever, the small group community part. Yeah. Oh, gosh. Was there a pause there when you were going down the various attributes and you know how the program was facilitated? Because we've talked a lot about this with you three and we talk a lot about outside, but it seems to be most people think, gosh, I don't. Everything's good. Except that. Yeah. So how about if you could speak to that, how that was for you when you read it and then maybe now as you sit on this side of the fence, so to speak.

Yeah. So I know for me, I was absolutely hesitant to it. I am an introvert by nature. And it is just not natural for me to be vulnerable with a group of people that I am not familiar with. And that I was on a clarity call with Tom and that was probably. That was one of my concerns that I expressed to him that I just wasn't quite sure. I love the idea of it. I love the idea of learning. I like the idea of having just something to hold me accountable to for 30 days straight. This was going to keep me in it. But then you got to the community part and I wasn't quite sure how useful I would be in that way. And so I had expected that to him and he was just like, in a way, honestly, when you get into it, you'll be able to gauge where you feel comfortable. And that I didn't expect myself to enjoy the community part as much as I did. It was just something that ended up flowing naturally. I think that you guys set the ground rules and I guess I don't want to call them ground rules, but you guys just set the atmosphere to be that one. This is a safe space. This is a place where you know that whenever you're expressing yourself, you will be met with acceptance and love and care. And it just started to kind of flow naturally as you were starting to. You know, you'd make a daily post and then you'd watch somebody else be able to experience that. And then once you realized how your experience was able to affect somebody else and was able to help them in their walk, you slowly start to watch yourself open up. And then you see others open up and share your story and how they've helped you. And then suddenly you're just in this little community and you're shoulder to shoulder with people that you, for no reason would have met before. And you find yourself in a place that suddenly you're enjoying this little community thing that you were so hesitant towards in the first place.

Beautifully said. And I know you've shared with me that not only did you enjoy the community, you came away with a lifelong friend.

I sure did. I sure did. We end up getting matched with the partner and I'm not quite sure how the partner choosing process went, but it seemed, you know, pretty random. And then somehow it ended up just working out that the person who I got connected with, we clicked immediately. And I think what you guys had asked of us was about 30 minutes one time a week. And we found ourselves in a place where, you know, we would be texting each other throughout the week, just checking in, and we felt comfortable enough to be able to have these meetings, long conversations of just, you know, diving into each other's lives. And what was supposed to be just a quick 30 minute call ended up being three hours. And so I deeply appreciate that, that friendship. And that was another thing. I was hesitant. I just gotten comfortably with this little small group community, and then how was I supposed to, I don't know, dive in a little deeper with another complete stranger? Sure enough, you just find yourself leaning into it and you, you're already in a place where your armpits get sweaty and you're already in an uncomfortable place, so why not at this point you give it a shot and then you realize how that wasn't so bad. And then one thing leads to another and then you have a new friend.

Yeah. That always takes me to a place inside of myself. Do you guys remember being little kids and you were like, hey, mom, look at me, I can do it.

And now is the experience I felt inside myself. I'm not just gritting my teeth through it the entire time. And it's not a task, it wasn't a chore. It was something I look forward to. I really appreciate that.

Yeah, that's awesome. That's awesome. Mason, Mark, whoever wants to go first, I know we have a lot to share about this community conversation, so whoever feels inspired to go next, I guess.

For me, the community was at first, yeah, it was tentative. I'm a fairly private person. I like to keep my business that way. And after the first couple of days I realized, hey, you know what, we're all in this together, we're all on the same path and maybe I can learn something from someone else, or maybe I've learned something that might help another person. And sure enough, that absolutely started to happen. I didn't connect quite the way you did with your partner, but I was fortunately paired up with a, a gentleman who was much further along this path than I was. And it was just really great to hear that it was going to be okay and I was going to be all right and it'll stop hurting. And certainly, you know, he reinforced the take time for yourself and he touched on all the points that I really needed to hear, I guess, and all those points that needed to be reinforced and that was really great. And just moving forward just daily, when we do our daily check ins, hearing from other people and them relating to a way that I'm feeling or I, I'm relating to a way that another person is feeling about what they've experienced and it's just, it's a really great, warm, wholesome, just a. A nice, connected community that you've made.

I love that. What's coming up for me is that the idea of Gus, God, universe, and spirit knew that we would need help. That's why he gave us each other. There's so much that can be garnered from the interaction of others. Me sharing my story with you and you doing the same thoughts, perspectives, or maybe validation that I've been thinking about or knowing I've needed to do, but you're telling me you've done it and now I'm seeing you're just a little ahead of the journey and it's worked and so I can trust my own knowing now. All of these little nuances are things that we take away as we share our stories as human beings. You know, we don't realize how much sharing just our simple story, our experience, where we are, our thoughts, our feelings, our celebrations, benefit so much others around us. We're just kind of doing our thing. And yet it has this incredible ripple effect that goes out and you just never know what little piece or spark of you expressing you actually contributes and helps along a fellow human. So it's a beautiful thing. We can do things in community we can't do anywhere else. So, Mason, your thoughts on community, Is that a scary place for you? I can only imagine.

So I. I might spoil your mind here a little bit. I was really excited about the community at that point. Yeah. So at that point, it was October, so you're all first class. And I think I'd been separated by like six months at that point. I'd done a lot of research on my own, and I've been listening to your podcast already. I was pumped. I was ready to go. I got in and, yeah, I mean, first, you know, session, kind of like middle school, like dance, like, everyone's like, I don't know what to do with my body. I don't know what to say. But I just had faith that I was in the right spot and I decided to just go for it and just be myself and like, hey, guys, this is what I'm hearing so far. Hey, you should listen to this part. Podcast episode, what you just said, that's, oh, you're gonna love this. And then, you know, being paired up with somebody and doing this check ins, being that support with them, and they're. They support me as well. And ironically enough, they were the contrast to what I was experiencing. So we could really, you know, work off of each other and what we were in need of at that moment. So that was a huge help for me. And then the daily check ins, I loved the daily check in so much because not only could I share how I was feeling, but other people could jump in and chime in and say, hey, that was like what you're experiencing. I'm feeling that too. And I love the insights that you gave here. Or what you're sharing is really resonating with me. And me doing the same for them, getting that support and all that love from what were complete strangers to people that I would call family at this time. It was, oh, can we do it again? Oh, wait, we are doing it again.

Yes, we are doing it again. Well, and I don't know that we. I think we did this in the intro a bit, but I just want to point out that not only did all three of you go through this process, that you've willingly come back to support others going through this process as well, which it's hard for me to not get really emotional about because I didn't know how this was gonna go when we first created, But I also didn't imagine three incredible humans that were in such incredible places of contribution just based on your own journey would be willing and eager to come back around and support others through the journey. And so that is so great. As we say, what a gift to those of you who are coming behind, because Mason and Mark, I don't think you had that in the first roadmap. Right. It was just the three of us, but successive cohorts have the privilege and the honor of having mentors in that group that have been through it. You know, we can speak to it from one vantage point, but can certainly not speak to it from actually having gone through the process and being supported in it. So that is a true jam where you can speak to it from multiple perspectives. So those of you coming behind because of the gift that you bring to being a mentor in this space are so lucky and blessed to have you. Absolutely. As we are very lucky and blessed to have you.

There was one more thing I wanted to add on the community bit. I was just thinking about when we all met each other for the first time and we did that breakout group for the first time. And I would just remember looking on everyone's faces and just how lost we all felt. You could just almost see it in everybody's eyes. And when we got to the graduation call and we all got to start talking about the progress that everybody has made, the growth that everybody has made, and when I was just thinking about the Difference between that very first initial call and our graduation call and just being able to witness the growth and the progress that each and every person has made. And you had seen each person in their individual struggles and the things that they had spoken about specifically and then seen them in that last call and just have noticed all the things that they had been able to grow past. It just. I think every one of us had. Tears welled up in our eyes and we saw how just the beautiful people that were now sitting in this graduation class that were completely different people in that initial call. So I just wanted to touch our narrat and just remind you of that because I thought that was one of the sweetest moments.

Well, and let me just stack on that. Thank you. And I would agree. I've been in situations like that, and I think it's an important distinction because it's hard for us to see that in ourselves. Very hard. Even though we sense it. But when, like you said, when someone outside of us can see that and then acknowledges us for that.

Wow.

And to be fair, I don't think any of us have. We don't have many. A lot of those type of experiences. And when we do, we remember them. So, yeah, that. Thank you. I know Brooke and I did an incredible program where we went in person, and Brooke was the youngest person. Rick, how old were you when we went back to the Option institute?

I was 17.

And it was a week long. I'd wanted to go there for a long time, and Brooke came with me. A phenomenal experience. Same kind of a thing at a celebration ceremony at the end. And so, yeah, when you can have others acknowledge the growth and like those people, we'd spend a week with them. I felt like I'd known them my whole life.

Yeah. And they were total strangers before we got there.

There was no downplaying your progress. There was no escaping it, because you can look on yourself and think, oh, well, you know, I didn't make that much progress. But it's not until somebody that. That now knows you decently well, looks at you and says, look at the progress you've made. Look at the growth that you've made. I mean, I think there's nothing sweeter than that.

You know, the thing I love to witness about the. The roadmap is. Yes. The relationship that we get to build with ourselves, which is a huge takeaway there. What we realize. Wow. I kind of like myself. That's incredible. But also what outplays with the interaction and the community is how relationships work. And it's happening right before your eyes. It is like unfolding in real time. Because love happens as strangers, right? Two people come together as strangers who then begin to share themselves with each other. The good, the bad, the ugly. And there's just a safe place and a container for that to happen. And then we fool around and we fall in love or become friends or become connected through this bond and the exchange of sharing ourselves. And then when it's over and we say goodbye, we all long for those moments of connection and bonding that took place because we shared ourselves with each other. And I think there's so many beautiful principles of relationships that are showcased throughout the process. And the roadmap, you're doing it and experiencing it all at the same time, which I hope in the end creates a confidence in love, in the experience of relationships where we don't have to be afraid anymore. We know how they work and we know how to rudder ourselves through them, and we know how to deepen them and we know how to navigate ourselves through them. Because I now have a working acumen of myself and that's all I need. I'm good if I can do that because then I'm going to be able to do the other half, which is allowing somebody else to come into my space and share their part and their narrative. And I don't have to be afraid anymore. I don't have to wonder if I'm too in or I care too much or should I text back or should I, should I just ignore it? What you start to see are all just games of manipulations that we don't even really understand how, number one, they're manipulations and two, what to do instead. And so you get this beautiful experience of the principles in which you're learning. And I think that's my favorite part, aside from the beautiful humans I get to connect with. So what was the challenging part for you? Just because we also want to be very authentic here. There are parts about the roadmap that are going to. To challenge you, and that's a good thing. Those are probably the places where, remember, we want to leverage this place of motivation where I'll do things now because I love and care about myself and because I love and care about this relationship that I'm trying to understand that I would never in my wildest dreams imagine doing many of the things as well. And one of those things is the introspection of self. I'll dive into places within me and I'll ask myself questions I would never ask myself at any other Point in time in my life journey, and that's a good thing. And sometimes developing the courage to step into maybe all of the fear and the inertia that we've built up around it can happen in this space of support and community. And because I care and want this to work so badly or I want to understand it so desperately, I'm finally willing to look at the bigger questions. And so this creates a place of bravery where I'm going to feel pressed upon and I'm going to feel challenged. And that's not a bad thing. But we know it's part of the roadmap. So for each of you, what was your greatest place of challenge and how did you get through it? What helped you through it? Just so we can also highlight. Yeah, there's challenges, but we're going to support you through it. It's gonna be okay.

I think for me, it was. It started at day 14. The third week was the hardest one for me. Day 14 was. Look back at my notes. Day 14 was self forgiveness. When I started working on learning how to do that, that took some really heavy lifting. And I think that really turned things for me in my mind and in my heart because then it gave me the ability to be closer to myself and to connect to myself.

Beautiful. Especially when you think about what forgiveness is. It's just that I get to allow whatever this is, this mess, this mistake or this perceivable judgment to be part of my story. It's okay, I can allow it. That's forgiveness, you know, that's beautiful.

I actually want to stack on that because I agree that was one of the hardest parts was the forgiveness of self. And for me, where that came from was I didn't know these things were here and I didn't give them to myself.

Right.

These were things that have happened to me throughout my life and I can't blame those things anymore. It is on me to heal from them and to understand my inner workings. And that is what really helped push me to that forgiveness spot. But for me, the hardest part was understanding boundaries. I've never really had any boundaries. I mean, I'm not gonna let someone walk all over me. And that's not what I'm saying. Since I didn't know how to set a healthy boundary for how I should be treated or how I wanna be portrayed or how I wanna portray my self. But yeah, boundaries were really hard for me.

I love that you're speaking to both sides of boundaries, both how I want to be loved and supported, and that's a boundary of where I end and you begin. And then the converse of that, you know what it is I need and want to be able to rely on you to support me with. And that boundary is ever flexible and ever moving and ever changing. But if we don't understand the principle of it, then we think we have to draw down these hard, very rigid lines without recognizing and realizing, oh, that's a constant thing. It's a constant moving target for myself and for my person. Because as we change and grow and our needs change and grow and what works for us changes and grows, we want those boundaries to be able to come along with us. Where I end and perceive me and where you begin, and there's an honoring there. So often when we say, I just need you to respect me, you know, you're disrespecting me. What we're really saying is I don't understand boundaries of where I end and you begin. They're getting stepped on. They're getting crossed. Yeah. Yeah. It's a beautiful thing.

I definitely agree that week three was probably the most, like, emotionally intense. And I think in terms of just the natural progression of the roadmap as well, you're all excited. The first week, they're all new concepts. There's a lot of things, light things to be learning. And then the second week are still kind of, you know, on that high. And then by the time you get to that third week, you're starting to get used to it. You're starting to get into a rhythm. And so I find me thinking like, oh, wow, I can get to it later in the day. And so that was the time I found myself being able to kind of wander off a little bit more. And then with it also being a little bit more emotionally challenging, I found myself almost avoiding it. Clip. There were a few topics for me that were just huge light bulb moments for me. The self forgiveness, absolutely being one. The boundaries and agreements, I think, were a big one for me too, where when you're talking about just the agreements that we make in our life, I didn't realize that when I was operating from the place of what the definition of agreements were, I realized I was doing myself a disservice and I was doing others a disservice as well, not being clear on the things that I was agreeing to. And I think that that falls under the boundary umbrella as well. And I think there was a meditation that I remember being super profound for me. And it was when you had asked us to carry a backpack of all of our agreements. We went to our safe place, and you asked us to just set it down, and we are going to put it in a safe place, and I promise we're going to come back to it. But I want you to just put it down and to be able to relieve yourself and forgive yourself of the things that you've been holding on to when it came to these agreements, these things where you felt like you were letting yourself down, letting others down, and the places where you have fallen short. And it was just all of these things that I think it just kind of run in the back of our mind constantly. And you just asked us just to set it down. And I just remember how profound that was for me to be able to put it down and then be able to walk away from it and really felt lighter and. And I didn't realize how significant that was going to be for me. And I remember there was an analogy I shared with you, Stacy, and maybe you'll be able to help me remember it a little bit better. But I realized as I was learning what these boundaries and agreements were, I realized when I wasn't being clear with these things that I was really asking my partner to. It would be like walking into a dark room and then getting upset when we bump into each other. And without allowing ourselves to light our path with these boundaries, we would just be rummaging around this dark room and then being upset when the other person bumps into us. And so it was just so profound for me that I didn't realize I lacked these skills and what a disservice I was doing to myself and to others. Right, yeah.

It was a profound analogy because it's true. We kind of step into a dark room that seem. It's dark for everyone. And if we're not disclosing or illuminating where I end and you began, inevitably, we're going to bump into each other and then be ticked that you didn't know I was here. Everybody doing the very best they know how but having no idea what to do differently.

So I'm gonna put all three of you on the spot here.

I'm. I'm. Dad, I'm very curious to know if you're gonna ask the same thing that I'm thinking of in my head right.

Now, I'm sure because we come from the same cloth.

So.

Yeah.

For listeners out there that. Yeah, okay. You know, gosh, this thing. I don't know. You know, again, I get it. I've been there myself. So what would be your best, most profound, super tip to help that listener.

What would be the one thing you needed to hear to say, all right, I'm going to do it. I'm going to join the roadmap.

Mark, you go first.

Press the process. I did, and I found my way to myself. And for me, there's no. There's no bigger win there, because now I know that no matter what, I'll be okay.

Good luck following that one, you guys.

You know what? I. I just need to say, I don't know that I've ever shared this with you, Mark, but so you have to imagine from the creator standpoint of view, we know we're on solid ground because these aren't principles that are new to us. I've used them in private clients, et cetera. But this is the first time that we're bringing a community through it, and we're like, on a live call. I think we're week two or three in, and I remember you sharing, Mark, we're going to be okay, aren't we? Stay. And that still just gets me right in the heart, because it's like, if I could leave that gift as just a single, solitary experience of the roadmap, then we're going to be fine. We got this. And, you know, Mark, that was just a profound moment of confirmation for me as a creator and as a person who loves to support human beings. To hear you say that, it was like, okay, we did a good job.

Well, I just. I have to just share.

Thank you for that.

Just on a call yesterday, honestly, this young woman, she said, tom may ask you a question. She says, does this get easier? I swear I said, yeah, it does. I'm not saying it's not going to be without some bumps in the road, but, yes, if you stay with your sleeves rolled up and these three wonderful humans on our podcast today, yes, the only reason why it wouldn't get easier if you chose not to keep your sleeves rolled up and keep working.

Yeah, it's like what I said at the beginning of the segment. Of course, we're not talking down to you. If you choose and you say, no, I can't do this right now, we get it. But if you are doing that out of the fear of taking action, which I've done so many times in my life. So, again, I get it. But you're going to get to the end of the year or the end of the week or the end of the month, and you're going to be in the same place, and that is not how it gets easier. You know, And I'm not saying you have to join the roadmap. Just do something that makes it better. Meet with a friend, talk about your feelings, do something, move in a way that's going to make you feel better, and then there's no way it's not.

Going to get easier.

How about you, Mason?

So I think you all actually nailed it. On episode 173, you all were talking about this precious moment and all this pain that you're in, right? Get into the roadmap. Get into this community. If you save your relationship, wonderful. If you don't happen to save the relationship, you save yourself. The return and investment on that is priceless. I happen to be one of those that I wasn't able to save my relationship, that I saved and found myself. And at my age, I didn't think that was ever going to happen. And, oh, just the weight lifted off my shoulder and, like, the pain in my heart, just, it's. I wouldn't say it's gone, but it's so much better. I'm so much lighter. It's. It's a beautiful thing.

You guys are all making us cry.

I think I just wanted to touch on what was said earlier, and I think that's the question that all of us are asking ourselves. Somewhere deep down inside is, am I going to be okay? And there's a whole lot of I don't know, especially when you're at that place. At least for me, when I was thinking about joining the roadmap, it was something different than what I was doing because I knew what I was doing was not working. And I currently, at that point, was not okay. And I was looking for anybody and any route to get to a point where I could say, I'm gonna be okay. And I think what I would have liked to have heard was you are far more capable than what you think you are. And there is someone inside of you you are waiting to meet, and you have no idea how much you're going to like her. And so I just want to say thank you.

Well, and for you listeners that are hesitating, remember, step in because you're going to be blessed to have these three wonderful people alongside of Stacy, Brooke and I walking right alongside of you.

So that's incredible. So maybe the greatest gift of all, really, is to fool around and fall in love with yourself, huh?

What a concept.

Thank you so much, you guys. It's always such a get to and a pleasure to connect with you, and it's so great to have you part of the family. I Consider you all dear friends and family. And so wonderful to kick off our next cohort knowing you're with us. You're a part of it. Your voice matters. Your contribution matters. Your experience matters in so many profound ways you just don't even know yet. Signing you all off with love and so much gratitude in my heart today for each and every one of you and the gift that you are to my life. Thank you so much.

And if you want to meet these three wonderful souls, you just come to our kickoff call. If you're listening live, it's this Sunday.

Thanks for being here in the love shack with us, guys. So let's step into week four, commitments and agree agreements. Often the line between commitments and agreements is blurred. I mean, would you say aren't those the same thing? Like commitments, agreements, you know, potato patata, who cares?

Yeah, yeah. No, that's a great question. And yes, I think most of us, and me included, until we started doing this, and we, you and I, have had many conversations, babe, help me understand the differences, how we use them. It's very misunderstood. And agreements, we talk about baseline agreements that need to be set up and agreed upon between even you and your husband, your wife, your partner, when you're navigating space. And I call them baseline agreements. Because what's important to remember is life is going to continue, especially if we have children and maybe a business. And, come on, there's bills that need to be paid, children need to be cared for. And so there's some baseline agreements that are going to make the space and separation much more navigable. And you're not trying to encroach upon someone's need for space. But I think it's important to remember it's not as if life is just going to stop.

Well, and so often in our relationships, we don't have a conversation. Or do we feel like we need to have a conversation around the agreements that create the totality of our relationship? We don't also understand often that the agreements that we keep, whether in silent or in the open, are the things that shape some of the challenges and missteps of our relationship. We don't talk about them. We perceive that we're all on the same page because we made a commitment. We made a vow, we made, in some places, a covenant. Which Covenants, commitments, those are all the same things. They're a vow that I promise to. And this is the tricky part, forever and always do these things for you. And being the humans that we are in the world in which we live in it probably needs to be changed instead of for time and all eternity, which is what it was when I was growing up. And until it changes, because then it starts to change and we don't feel like we can talk about it. And so then we start to pretend. And this is what very quickly turns our relationships into an event of illusion where I'm going along with the keeping of my covenants, my commitments, my vows to you. But what's actually playing out in my life is a whole lot different than that. Because what I need, what I value, what I want, what works, what doesn't work for me has changed. And not only have I changed, you've changed. And then there's all of these unspoken agreements in our relationship that then we use instead of to create the backbone and foundation of our relationship, we use as weapons while I'm keeping these the day we got married. But you are not here, here, here, here, and here. And we use it as weaponry instead of the idea of, well, maybe we need to relook at these. Maybe the agreements, which are the individual parts of a commitment, need to be looked at. They need to be reevaluated. And so week four is all about understanding the role of commitments and agreements and how it does shape our relationship currently and into the future. We also step into understanding commitments, that these are the things that our mutual agreements are founded on. So the commitment is, you good, I'm good. We understand what the agreement is. Okay, great, let's go. And here's what we're going to pursue. We're all on the same page. Agreements are the beliefs that I have about us around any topic. Pick one. What about this? What about this? What about this? What do you believe here? What's possible here? What are you willing to do here? Are we on the same page here? And as we explore those, and if we explore those, there will always be a place where we can step in and feel good about or choose in, because this is the trajectory that I want to go and that turns into a commitment overall. You need to understand that commitments and mutual agreements serve as the backbone of a strong relationship. And they're going to change over time. And is often this change that we don't know how to navigate. And so we cling to these old agreements and commitments based on my summation of them, as though those are the things that need to keep our relationship in place without realizing the expansion part, the growth part, as us finding the tools and skills to look at them and reevaluate them to a place that we are now and a place that we want to go in the future. And so in week four, we cover strategies for making and keeping agreements. And I want to point out here, agreements and commitments are not just with my partner in co creation. It's also important that I do this with myself. And often it is the broken agreements with me that then create the throw off of frustration and collapse in my relationships because I feel terrible about how I'm showing up within myself. So yes, it's going to impact my person, but the person that it really impacts is me. Because regardless of what I do, how I said it or didn't say it, or what I didn't do, I know the agreements personally that are broken or kept within myself. And this inevitably is going to compromise my self esteem, my self confidence and my ability to move forward in a healthy way, I. E. Staying out of defensiveness, staying out of manipulation, staying in rounds of conflict, trying to point out your flaws to help me feel better about my own. And often that's the difficult part in relationships. Also, as I've touched on, there's all of these unspoken expectations that we think are agreements, but they're not, they're unspoken. And until we start to uncover them, we realize, wow, we are on such different pages. We are thinking that it's supposed to go like this in my world, and you're thinking it's supposed to go like that in your world. And we never have the conversation to vet out the agreements between us. So it's important that we just take a pause here through this process in week four and we look at the agreements that have been present, the agreements that I would like to intentionally talk about, explore and put into action in this time so that we can create a better backbone and foundation for our relationship overall. These, if not done, turn into feelings of betrayal and cause cycles of fighting, which often leads to needing even more space. Instead of formulating a balanced plan that encourages our individuality as well as fosters a deep foundation of connection between us. It's kind of like saying let's assume that we're both right and have a contribution in. We just need to get clear about what those contributions are and the best agreements that we can put together as a couple to help us go in the direction that we want to go in as a future couple. And if that doesn't happen, what you find is we're often thinking we're building in the same direction, but very often building in very different directions instead. So that's what we do. In the last week of the Roadmap, we finally put a plan together for you and a, and a partner or you personally and. And that needs to happen as we vet out these agreements and commitments and where we're going from here. Also, you're going to have a lot of support in regards to knowing how to step into those conversations and how to create that plan and how to basically share and invite your partner to come along for the ride. That support is all part of the roadmap. We'll tell you how to present it, how to put it together, how to create it, what to send will basically hold your hand all the way through the process of putting that plan together.

And would you say there's still value even if, say that person's partner, husband's wife, spouse doesn't welcome the plan?

Yes. Because regardless of how this goes together or individually, we all need a plan to rudder our lives with into the future. And those agreements with myself are the foundation for healthy relationships beginning with me first. And so that plan just helps me continue what I've accomplished in the roadmap. And, and your partner may meet you down the road a minute. Maybe they're not ready right now, but they will be in some time from now. Especially as you are showing up as a better version of yourself with clarity, with conviction, with boundaries, with honoring, with respect, with skills. It's amazing. It only takes one person with some skill and some know how understanding the principles of relationship to rudder this entire experience for the whole. You have so much influence over the trajectory of where this goes when it's based on a solid foundation.

And I would say the influence comes from your demonstration or said another way, your behavior. You're showing up on a much different manner than how you were before. And think about. I always ask people on my clarity calls, how often do you encounter someone in your circle of influence that's showing up in a much more empowered version of themselves. And everyone says not very often at all. I says, exactly. That's why when it happens, all of us notice it. That's why I always say repetitively, it is the gold standard. Everyone's looking for a guarantee. That's the guarantee. The guarantee is if you are committed and do your best to show up as the best version of yourself every day, even amongst these significant challenges that you're facing while navigating space and separation, that will be the greatest inspiration and catalyst for change for the whole.

And not only that, it's the place of completion for yourself because you're going to feel really good about how you showed up and navigated your way through this.

That's the win.

That is the win. It's not so much about getting your person to do X, Y and Z. It's about me navigating this in a way that when I look back days, weeks, months and years from now, I know I did my part and I know I did my part really well. That's our win. So if this is resonating with you and you are trying to decide whether you should jump in or not, I'm going to encourage you to jump in because you have nothing to lose. You can check out all the details of the Love and limbo map 30 day roadmap by doing just that. Go to loveandlimboroadmap.com and all the details and a very simple place of getting you signed up will open up and unfold for you. It's time for you to look forward to clarity inside of yourself to build some courage as your armpits get sweaty. As you've heard, some of our mentors share some of the challenges and things that they needed to overcome inside of themselves in this process. Courage is a must when it comes to co creating relationships with another human being. And we're going to talk all about it and not only talk about it, but practice it. Growing our confidence and our self esteem. This is necessary so that I can see more clearly where I end and you begin and those boundaries that are oh so important. Which again is just where I end and you begin and the navigation of that. We're all banging around in the dark and I get so upset when you bump into me but I didn't see you there to understand you. That is a really great metaphor for how most of us navigate our relationships. You can also look forward to skill building, learning and practicing new skills and you have this community to practice them with which is very life giving because how it goes there, I can mess it up, I can reset, I can come back, I can do a do over, I can do all kinds of things. Sometimes I can't do that in my day to day life because there's so much on the line and there's so much pressure and anxiety and stress and so that skill building and just as important or more important as the practicing of those skills and the sharing of those skills is something that's a part of the 30 day roadmap and I hope you're starting to see from today's conversation we do better together. Daily check ins serve as an essential anchor on this healing journey for you. They provide Accountability, emotional connection. They provide reflection through the check ins and they encourage introspection which will allow you to gain insights into yourself and into relationships and into others. And then the community. I know we've talked about it a lot in here, but it is the difference maker. Building connections with fellow participants fosters such a supportive community, reminding you that a you're not alone, B you're not broken. And see a group of people who are in your corner cheering you on the entire time. So Love and Limbo Roadmap. I've gotta say I could not be honored more to be a part of it, to create it, to offer it. I know it will help you too. So jump in. Don't waste any more time suffering. Use this time of space to better yourself and your relationship relationship by signing up for the love and limbo 30 day roadmap. Now there's nothing more draining than being stuck in uncertainty. It's time for you to discover how to transform this challenge you're in into an opportunity for growth, exploration and self discovery. Know that after all, we do things for love that we would never do on our own. So please capitalize on this moment for yourself. You're worth it. You're worth it. So let's have a little fun. Just as I did in part one, I'm going to do it in part two. This is exactly an exercise that we have as part of the roadmap. I call it a motion flip challenge. We've talked about it in our communication segment when I was telling you about the importance of communication and how that works. Basically what I'm do to going going to ask you to do is list three recent don't wants that maybe you're fighting about right now in your life and in your relationship. Write them down on a piece of paper and beside each one I want you to write I don't want this, I don't want this, I don't want this. And then what I want you to do is, well if this is what I don't want, I want you to flip it into a want something that you want to advocate for. Ask for a direction you want to move in. And all you're doing is taking that don't want and transforming it into its polar opposite. And then take one tangible step towards one of your do wants. And please note, the do wants become your remedies for your emotional aches and pains. They are the thing that you've been wanting for, advocating for, desiring, longing for in the process. But we keep talking about the don't wants instead. So I want to give you that gift today as part of making a bit of a difference in your conversations and in the pursuit of what it is you want today. Our song for today is a beautiful song by Colman Scott. It's called dancing on your own. And when I was putting this together, Tom said, oh, you're gonna choose that one, honey. Are you sure that's the one for the episode? And the reason why I love this song is it really comes into a culmination of all the things that we've talked about about today. I'm thinking about the conversation with, well, all three of our Roadmap mentors saying the greatest gift of the whole experience was coming home to myself. That always makes me teary. And so of course, the song is around that. Basically, the song says, I'm spinning around in circles, giving it my all, and still I'm not the one that you're taking home. So I'll keep dancing on my own, meaning life will continue and you deserve a beautiful life. And dancing on my own is what is required right now so that eventually I can dance with others. And this is such a beautiful reminder for all of us that, okay, if I can't dance with you right now, I better continue dancing on my own. And that is the best gift that I could give, not only to myself, but but to a future relationship, whether it's with you or someone else. You can listen to this week's song along with our entire relationship playlist by going to our website podcast page or finding us on Spotify Love Shack Live playlist. Thank you so much for joining us here inside of the Love Shack. Thank you to our three incredible Roadmap mentors. What a wonderful gift they have brought to this episode. I am so appreciative, so thankful for your generosity, for your voice, for your contribution. I'm so excited for this next roadmap. It's going to be incredible. And we hope that you, too, as a listener, carry forward the insights and strategies discussed here into your daily interactions, listening not just with your ears, but with your hearts. So goodbye for now, until next time. We look forward to being back here with you inside the Love Shack. Bye. Bye.

All right, it's time to leave the Love Shack, but before we part ways, we want you to know our door is always open and we'll leave the porch light on. Ready to welcome you back whenever you need a dose of relationship wisdom. For more resources and tools, Visit us at loveshacklive.com to dive deeper into the topics we've explored and find additional support for your relationship journey. Stay connected by subscribing to our Podcast Podcast thank you for being part of our Love Shack Live community.