#195: Stuck in the ‘Gray Zone’? Here’s What to Do When You’re Unsure Whether to Stay or Go in Your Relationship

Have you ever found yourself trapped in limbo, Essentially a gray zone in your relationship where you feel torn between staying or walking away. You're emotionally exhausted, constantly seeking advice, hoping someone, somewhere can give you the answers that you need. But despite all your efforts, the clarity you crave remains out of reach. It's like living in a fog, unable to see the road ahead, stuck in an incessant loop of uncertainty. This is Love Shack Live, the podcast for anyone standing at a relationship crossroads where daily conflicts, emotional distance, and frustration with trying to rebuild a genuine connection can often leave you feeling stuck and overwhelmed. I'm Stacey Bartley, a relationship expert, and I'm joined by my co host and lover, Tom, and our daughter Brooke. Together, we've dedicated our lives to helping people like you find their way through relationship struggles to a place of clarity and connection. And today we're asking the question, what do you do when your relationship feels like it's in limbo? When you're unsure whether to stay or go, and every choice feels like the wrong one? And more importantly, why can't you seem to make the decision? Even though everyone is suffering, you know what you need to do sometimes. But then you doubt yourself and everyone else is telling you what to do. What do you do? In this episode, we'll explore the surprising reasons behind the indecision and why it feels so overwhelming at times. Did you know that neuroscience has shown that anxiety affects the brain's ability to process information, making it difficult to make clear choices, leaving you feeling uncertain and stuck. But here's the good news. Contrary to popular belief, we have an information overload currently happening for us humans. It actually comes from a place we commonly avoid looking within. So let's dive in and discover how to move from indecision to a place of empowerment. Hey, thank you for coming. Welcome to the Love shack. And geez, when I was putting together this episode, it takes me back to my own experience of living in limbo, or often what I call the land of Navy. If there was ever a hell on earth, this would be it. Because you're so indecisive, you're spiraling in such fear and such doubt about day to day things. You're constantly taking that assessment of score 1 point for the team of stay. And. And then, oh shit, we just lost three points for the team of leave. And back and forth we go. And it is emotionally draining and exhausting. And I just remember at times feeling either shut down or incredibly spiraling and desperate anxiety. And I couldn't see it day to day. And every day it was some version of that. Oh, forget it. I'll try and figure it out tomorrow or today. I gotta do something. I gotta do something. I gotta make a choice. I've gotta make a decision. You feel both torn between staying and leaving, and then you just become numb and paralyzed from the lack of decision altogether and unsure of what to do next. And so often we hang out in these places and spaces much longer than we need to. We don't want to make a move until we feel more clear and have the understanding and the clunk that I call to do something that we know in the end is going to affect and impact the rest of our lives. And sometimes not just for ourselves, but for our partners, whom we love but are frustrated with, and the children that might be involved as a result as well. So whether through advice from friends, family, or endless relationship resources, we continue our journey to endeavor to find an answer, only to still feel lost in the mix. And you know you're stuck, but you don't yet know what's keeping you there. And it's not a lack of effort. It's not because, man, we're working our fannies off. The endless hours of conversations again and again, the sorting and the obsessive thought process that happens night after night is literally starting to make you physically ill. So it's gotta be something much deeper. That neuroscience research I talked to you about just a minute ago. The reason why it's so crippling to be spiraling in anxiety is because when we are literally the prefrontal cortex of our brain turns off. For those of you who don't know, my prefrontal cortex as a human being is where I have the ability in my brain to. To make decisions about my life. And so you see our dilemma. The more anxiety escalates, the more offline our decision making becomes compromised, making it more challenging for us to process our thoughts and feelings and ultimately make thoughtful choices. Then we become emotionally drained, and then we're desperate. And often these decisions as to whether to stay or whether to go are made by what I call a default option. There will finally be a catalytic moment that makes the decision for us. We can call it the last straw on the camel's back. And I'm going to make a decision that's going to affect the whole rest of my life in a hot second. I've had enough. I say I'm out of here. I say, I'm done with this. I say. And it's usually in a fit of escalation through Fighting or egregious behaviors on one side or the other, or found out secrets or lies, etc. And in those moments, we'll make the choice to end it. But what we're left with is still a decision on how we're going to move forward. But then there's the lack of understanding about how did we get here, what happened, how do we move forward? The incompletion around this conversation is off the charts. And there we are. So this helps us to understand why indecision feels so overwhelming. It's not just emotional. It's biological. It's within us. And sometimes the more we're spiraling in anxiety and I would even say shut down in depression, the less ability we have of making these crucial, important decisions. So then we have to ask, well, all right, Stace, I hear what you're saying. That makes a whole lot of sense. I certainly relate to what you're feeling. What the hell do I do? Well, what we long for and need is clarity and peace and confidence in the decision that I'm making. Like, that's ultimately what we're wanting in these places. So whether you choose to stay or go, this isn't just about resolving relationship dilemmas. It's about reclaiming your sense of emotional understanding and regaining a sense of trust within your ability to choose. And that is at the heart of the issue. Think about it. What do we tend to do in this place? Well, we tend to sit and wait to see what our partners are going to do, and then that's going to be the decision that I make based on their behavior, and it's all over the board. Well, I mean, that's why we keep score. Today I'm leaving, tomorrow I'm staying. Oh, well, they did a really good job and we finally had a conversation or, oh, gosh, they started therapy. Well, I'll give them a hall pass. And so my decision making is completely based on factors outside of myself. And I want you to understand that's not understanding yourself and what's true for you. We're essentially letting other people make our choices and decisions for us.

I would also say that's the opposite of peaceful.

Oh, 100%. The thing you gotta know is clarity doesn't come from others. It comes from within ourselves. That's the place of clunk that we say and help our clients pursue consistently. And sometimes it takes practice over time because what we tend to do instead is look outside of ourselves for the answers we're looking for, Whether it's hyper focusing on what my partner is doing or not doing, or seeking advice from friends and family, or waiting for our partner to change or hold out hope that time alone is going to find finally give me the clarity that I need. It's not those things. Yes, sometimes looking at and having more experience play out helps me understand what I'm thinking and experiencing more. But we're looking often in the wrong places for the answers that I need to discover and uncover for myself. Studies have shown that people who rely on external advice only feel more confused. Because here's the thing, no one else can truly understand your specific relationship challenges and needs. You're the only person in the equation who has lived the experiences, walked the miles, and know what is truly possible and available not only within yourself, but with the partner that you're living with. So no one outside of that dynamic has the ability to give you the answers that you need. And even if you were to act on them, if you didn't feel good about them and you implemented them anyway, you would find yourself in a tremendous amount of regret.

Well, and we opened with there's no shortage of information. And I would just add, there's no shortage of information from those that are around you of what's best for you. It's amazing. Everyone becomes an expert on your relationship real quick. So you have to be very, very careful and also courageous to understand that, you know, what should I do? There's no better counselor than the one inside of yourself. We're just really good at helping you discover that. That's it.

And this is often a place that is taken from us very early on as children, that we're taught that we can't rely on our own thoughts and feelings to rudder us, that we've got it wrong or we've interpreted it wrong, or the way I handle it or the direction I want to go is wrong. And so I have to do it according to those in authority or leadership. And this is very much a lost ability, a lost skill in our human journeys, especially at this day and time in our society and culture where we have so much information and so many people telling us what to do and how to do it and what's appropriate and what isn't, that we've literally almost forgotten that that might be true for others, but it may not be true for me. And it's important for me to find what is true for me. And this always takes me back to a place as a 17 year old girl where I found myself pregnant by my high school boyfriend. Everybody had an opinion about what I should do. And I was terrified. I had no idea what I was doing. But I knew somewhere inside of me that the choice I made in this moment was going to affect the rest of my life. Like that sense, I knew that however this goes, it's going to affect me. And so everything from giving the baby up, from adoption to getting married, to being sent to my aunt's house to have the baby and pretend like it never happened was given as options for me. And thank goodness I was forced to develop the skill of resourcing within myself. Way back years prior when I lost my dad and there was nobody there for me. I had to figure out how to resource within. And it was that that I went back to all those years later, you know, from 6 to 17. What is that? 11 years later, I went back to the same place that I had developed within me to resource from within. I decided to have the child. I decided that was the best thing for me and man, am I grateful that I did. And I'm not saying that any of the other choices wouldn't have been good as long as they were true for me.

Well, not only have the child, but you were going to be the child's mom. You weren't going to have the child and say give it up for adoption, which again, there's nothing wrong with that. But in your particular situation, your innate wisdom within said, no, I want to be the mom of this child even though I'm only 17 and I have no freaking idea how this is going to go.

But that's what I felt like I needed to do in order to feel good about my life and my future. I had no idea how it was going to play out, but that's what I knew I needed. Now I know that there are other places in space where women have chosen other choices. And in this I want to highlight there is no one way of life. Whether we're talking about having a child or ending a relationship or staying in a relationship or what I'm going to be when I grow up and what my career is and how I feel like I make a contribution in the world or not. All of these are very individual choices that we don't spend a lot of time and think about from the place of resourcing within. We instead do it according to what I'm told to do and, and imagine the disaster in me that I may never have recovered from if I had done what I was told to do instead of what I felt I needed to do and actually had to quite literally fight for it's. Not about what we're doing. It's about how we feel around what we're doing and do we feel good about who we are and what we need for ourselves? Because after all, a great relationship is great because I feel good in it, and my partner does, too. And that's it. It can be comprised of all kinds of things the likes of which wouldn't work for everyone, but they work for us and they work for me. And so when I'm making this very difficult decision and choice about whether to stay or go in my life and in my relationship, I need to consider what works for me. And so often we don't even consider that. We're busy considering about what I need to do in order to get my partner to do this or what I need to do to get my partner to say this for me or what I need to do in order to get this thing, this need that I have out of my relationship. And often what we end up doing is manipulating and coercing and going along with and doing a dance that inevitably takes me in the opposite direction or.

What I need to do to make my kids happy. Because the number of couples that stayed together for the children, my dad and mom included, acting like that is great when me and my brother obviously knew my parents were not in a happy marriage. Kids are not stupid. My parents were not fighting all the time, but they certainly weren't connected all the time. You know, it's just funny that as a society, we have decided that divorce ruins children. Well, what about seeing your parents in a healthy, happy relationship? You know, I feel like having the opposite of that just to avoid divorce. Does that not affect children?

What do we always say as a body of work about divorce?

Divorce isn't hard on kids. Parents behavior.

Behavior is hard.

It's hard on kids.

Now, we're not at all saying that family is incredibly important. Our whole life is family. You all know that by the numbers. But to be fair, Brooke just shared that. I mean, I did everything I could to keep my family together because I thought of breaking it up was paralyzing. But at the end of the day, I could not continue to be true to myself. And thankfully, Roxanne, my first wife, Brooke's mom, and I are great friends. Yeah, it's possible. Takes a lot of freaking work to do. So. But I'm just saying we have to be careful because our children are very.

Very wise when you become a parent. I'm not a parent. I'm a dog parent, but I'm not a Parent of a child. I think society has made it so that you're supposed to throw yourself under the bus for the sake of your children. And I just would like to propose, maybe there's another way. Maybe there's a better way where we could sometimes show them what it looks like to be a healthy adult. I think it's very wrong to say that parents need to compromise their mental health and physical well being just to make sure that their children's lives are fairy tale stories, because that's not real life. I think it's important when we're talking about whether you should stay or go, there's very little consideration for how you truly feel about it. And there's a lot of consideration for how everybody else is going to feel about it.

Well, and I just, I. To your point, Brooke, I just want to point out this. Look, do you think for one minute your children aren't going to grow up and have challenges in their life that are really difficult? And what better gift could we give them than demonstrating how to navigate through some very difficult things? Like teach your children about those things while you're going through it. And it can even be a conversation of, hey, I don't know. But we're going to figure this out together because that is reality. That is something that, as you said, we're going to create this little Disneyland life with this perfect little family. And what we fail to do for our children, teach them how to deal with difficulty and challenges that are inevitably going to present themselves to your children. So if they can witness mom and dad going through some difficult times in a good way, then that can be such an incredible gift of demonstration and learning and mentorship for not just you yourself, but for your children and your family as well. And sometimes we don't even think those things. We only think the worst, the terrible disasters and how we're destroying the children without realizing. Wait a minute now. Timeout. Children are going to go through challenges, too. Are we teaching them how to do that?

I just had a great thought. Why don't we just ask someone on the podcast that happens to be the child of someone that went through a divorce that also has gone through a divorce herself?

Yeah, I was just gonna say that. I watched my parents go through a divorce when I was 23, and then I got a divorce when I was 30. So it gave me hope because I knew my parents divorced intimately. You know, of course there were some hard moments. For the most part, it was very healthy. It was needed. My parents still are friends and they can call each other up anytime. So I knew that's the kind of divorce I wanted to have too. I wanted it to not be contentious and not ruin anybody's lives. It needed to happen. The relationship had reached its end. And because of the example my parents set for me, I knew that it wasn't going to destroy me. And I knew I was going to be okay. And that's an invaluable lesson. And of course, I didn't ever want my parents to get divorced. Even though I knew their relationship was bad. The little kid in me always wanted them to stay together. Like, that's not going to go away. But I know how much happier my dad is, and I wouldn't have Stacy, who I call mom too, in my life without that happening. So I can't imagine her not being in it. So I just want any parent to know and be reassured that yes, even though you getting a divorce or potentially choosing to end your relationship will be hard on your children, there's so much hope and happiness that can occur on the other side. And just like Stacy Mom 2 said, it will give your children an example on how to navigate hard things in the future, which that is invaluable. As an adult child, I would have been much less comfortable getting a divorce without having the example of my family to know that it was going to be okay.

And for all of these reasons we've touched on, this is why looking outward really rarely works. Decisions about relationships must come from within ourselves. From this place. You will start seeing your relationship and your ability to navigate it with newfound strength. This is where we resource for that strength and that confidence and that ability to understand ourselves and what we need to do moving forward. So your decisions then, instead of becoming doubted and scrambled and chaotic, become decisions that have a clear clunk to it. Because it's your own validating biology and emotional understanding and knowledge that goes. That is what's true for me. That is what I need. That. That is what I'd like to say. That is what I need to ask for. That is where I need to navigate to next. And those are invaluable moments for us as human beings. And there is a place inside of you that's true for everyone. I want to dismiss the myth that some people have it and some people don't. That is so not true. We all have an ability of knowing and understanding within ourselves. And one of the most challenging skills often to develop is the translation of my thoughts and my emotions and my ability to turn it into a language that at least I understand. Often what happens is my brain runs amok in obsessive thinking which creates tremendous anxiety, which doesn't help me think for clearly at all. And then my emotions, I feel them all. I don't know what to do with them, I don't understand them. I just react. Which creates more chaos and doubt and less foundation within me every day. So hell no, I don't trust myself. Hell no, I don't understand what I'm doing or how I think or how I feel. I'm just going to hope and pray that somebody can figure out how to give me what it is I need and then I'll be okay. And that's, that's sadly how a lot of our relationships function. I am suffering, but the fear of letting go is far greater than me understanding the truth within. So I'll just hang out here and hope that we, if we stay attached, I'm going to be okay.

And we use that as a substitute for going within. We don't do both. You know, it's either or so the longer you hold on, the longer you prevent yourself from turning and facing and asking yourself what's true for you. Because yeah, we consider that too scary. But you're depriving yourself of all of.

Your answers and we just from at.

The start of the, you know, the episode here, I mean if you really understand the science, this is totally backed up by science. So in other words, we want to create the conditions for yourself to be able to go within. Parts of your brain are working at an optimum place so you have that decision making ability, otherwise you won't, I mean this is not, you know, feel good, sit in a circle kind of stuff here. This is truly science. So let's set science up for your benefit so you can do the things that we're advocating for you to do to get that own clunk for yourself, whatever that is. And it's only going to be individualized for each one of you. It's. There's no universal answer and we don't provide answers, we just help you find your best answers. And those answers are within, if we'll set it up not to be optimized.

The clarity you seek isn't going to come from outside solutions like friends, opinions, posts on social media, or giving it more time. It must come from knowing yourself better and understanding your own thoughts and emotions. You need to be able to translate those into a language that you can first understand and look at the beautiful thing. Then you understand yourself and from that place what you need and the direction that you need to go begins to emerge. It's about turning inward and understanding your own beliefs, desires and limitations. This is where real clarity, the clarity that we truly long for comes from. You know, those people that you might be really admiring right now and mesmerized by that, just seem to have the ability to make the right decisions at the right time to go in the right direction. Well, the only thing that they have that you don't is the ability to do what we're talking about today. They can bring in the information, take a moment of pause, not from a place of fear and anxiety, but from a place of pause. Consider what has been learned or heard or understood, and then find a place where they feel confident in taking the next step in a direction that they feel really good about. And they go. They make the decision and they go. It sounds really simple, but it's a practice of understanding and knowing one's self. And that's why you don't have to look very far to find all the cliche statements about you just gotta love yourself, you just gotta know yourself. Relationships start within. This is why. Because if I don't know where I am on the map of my own life, how in the hell am I going to know where to navigate from here? And if I'm going to leave it up to everybody else to make those choices and decisions for me, I'm going to find myself in places and spaces in my life I don't want to be. And then I have even more conflict and chaos and self doubt about where to go and how to handle this situation right now. Look, it won't matter where you end up really at the end of the day. What matters is that you feel really good about where you are. It could be anywhere. But do you feel good about the person you are and the person that you're becoming? And if not, then what are the places and spaces that you need to understand about you that will help you navigate in those better places and spaces when choices need to be made? You can't do that if you don't understand yourself. And you can't do that if you don't trust your ability to make those choices and decisions? Now look, this isn't about making quick decisions or fixing the relationship. It's about gaining deeper self awareness and understanding around what is truly important to you. It's critical. It's going to help you understand what you need to do. Because after all, in this relationship or any of your relationships, we show up as good as we feel. If I Understand and know why I'm doing what I'm doing and how it's going to take me into more of the life that I want to live. That's just true for all of us. So I invite you right now to stop focusing on what your partner is or is not doing. If you will slow down, that's going to help you think better. And that's why skills like meditation, I call it, sit your butt down and breathe for hell sakes. Check in with what you're thinking and what you're feeling is so critically important and helpful. It's going to bring your brain back online so that you can make some thoughtful choices and decisions. Or at the very minimum, just create a baseline of awareness about what's actually happening for you. This takes you out of panic mode. And then ask yourself what you think and know and need, because your answers are there. And that's going to get you much further than asking other people what their answers and their thoughts and their opinions about what you need to be doing, thinking or saying are. Instead, what are yours? Can you identify them? Can you translate them and put them into a language that you understand? First, explore things like what's driving your own indecision. Reflect on what works and doesn't work for you right now. And what do you need to know in order to thrive? These are questions that create clarity and they don't come from asking others what they should do. They come from asking you what you know to be true. And then a beautiful thing happens. You feel grounded, you feel foundationally sound and you start to rebuild a trust and a self esteem and confidence inside of yourself. Journaling is also important because this is the expression of what it is, you know, internally for you. That's why it's such a powerful tool. So how about we sit our butt down and breathe so we can slow down. And then we start journaling about questions or gosh, record it on your phone. Speak them out loud. Your answers to questions like what am I afraid of if I stay? What am I afraid of if I leave? What am I willing and capable of giving in this relationship? And what do I need to let go of now that no longer serves me? These are places and spaces where you can start to find and uncover the understanding of yourself which will inevitably lead you to the decisions that you need to make.

Well, I would just say that. And just with great love and respect, ask the listener, when is the last time you've asked yourself those questions truthfully and honestly? For your own answer, we remind our members and clients often don't answer them in the way that you think you are. Partner wants you to answer them. You need to answer them truly, maybe for the first time or the first time in a long time for yourself, because you're going to have tremendous insights and discoveries that maybe you've never had before.

I just want to say, as someone who did get a divorce, if you feel yourself kind of like teetering on the edge of self exploration and you think to yourself, I'm scared to have these thoughts or I don't want to think these thoughts, that's a clue that you need to have them. You know, that's a good point. It's yourself trying to protect yourself. But also it's a clue that you're ready to think about some of these things because you're the only one that has those answers. And your brain is ready to explore them even if you're not. Just think about them, journal about them, make it about an imaginary relationship if you have to, to be able to be honest, but that you need to have them because you're just going to ruminate or obsess or feel extremely anxious because you're not letting yourself explore the things that need to be explored.

Well, the beautiful thing is it's totally private, right? I mean, it's just you and your own thoughts.

Yes.

So you don't have to choose to share them if you don't want to.

And here's the thing I want to assure you about that. Just explore them. It doesn't mean you have to take action on them, but you can't take action on something that you don't understand or something that you haven't experienced explored. So step one, allow them to come up, explore them. Step two, decide which ones you want to take action on or not. You don't have to take action on any of them, but at least you have the clarity and the understanding that you need. So don't feel like I've got to do any of it. And by the way, I want you to know you might find some very conflicting things. I love you and I hate you all in the same process. I want to fix this and strangle you all at the same time. That's normal. Let them come up, let them be explored, let them be acknowledged. And what's going to happen, you're going to notice is the anxiety that you're feeling internally is going to start to ease, which we need. That I need the anxiety to ease so that I can bring my better decision making online. And that if and when I do make a choice, I know it's coming from a really good place, a well thought out place, a grounded place, a truthful place. Because as I step forward on any decision that I choose, I want to feel good about it, because it's going to be the choice that I'm going to build from regardless of what I choose to do. So translating your thoughts and feelings into a language you understand is the crucial first step for uncovering the decisions you need to resource for in your own life. And you must calm your nervous system to bring your prefrontal cortex back online. Otherwise you're going to panic and make a choice in the escalation of a single moment. That will be your deciding factor. Don't. Don't choose the default option if you can avoid it. If you have, and you did, no problem. There's no wrong answers. But if we can resource for it in better ways, why wouldn't we want to? And the last thing that I want to say is, slow is fast. We get ourselves into such a panic state that we got to hurry, hurry, hurry and figure this out. And no, you don't. You can spend all the time you need. Take all the time you need.

Is it fair to say when people are in this place and they come see you privately, one of the very first things you assure them and remind them is there's no need to rush. Right? Everyone wants to rush. There's no need to rush.

It's because we want to get out of pain.

That part's understandable for sure.

And what we don't realize is that we need to dive into the pain, not run away from the pain, not make a rash decision about how to avoid the pain. I need to step into understanding it. And by the way, while we're here, pain just means, hey, I need your attention. Like, there's some things we need to think about. There's some things we need to explore. There's some understanding that I need you to acquire. So how about if we sit down and like, be with this and look at this. It's courageous, but it's also life giving. Please know, also, your inability to decide doesn't mean that you are broken, that you're a disaster, that you're failing. Your inability to decide means you love you love deeply. And it's also a biological response to anxiety, which can be overcome with the right tools and practices. There's nothing wrong with you. What's wrong is you just don't understand how human beings function and the principles and the skills needed to help you move through this most difficult, challenging place that you're in. So hopefully today's podcast and our conversation has given you some things to think about, like, slow down, there's time to figure this out. This is a big decision. You want to make sure that you're on solid ground before you make it. And how I get to solid ground is I practice sitting in my own thoughts and emotions and understanding them. Allow your voice to be heard, allow yourself to be explored, allow what you need to emerge. And then we're going to take it to a place where that understanding can help me see a little more clearly what my next step of exploration is going to be. Clarity comes from within you, and you have the capacity to gain the emotional clarity you are seeking. And now you need to acquire the ability by learning new skills and practicing them, you'll begin to see your situation from a new perspective and finally be able to move from indecision to empowerment. So if you're ready to take the next step toward this clarity and emotional confidence, I invite you to save your marriage A blueprint for avoiding divorce, where we are going to dive deeper into these insights and learn how to apply them and walk away with the tools to take control of your relationships and your life head on. And if this is something you know you need, then go ahead and head over to stacybartly.com forward/waitlist and be the first to know when enrollment opens. It'll be the best gift you've given yourself in a very long time.

And if you're listening live, it's going to be opening soon. First part of next month, I think team is correct. Yes, we're right around the corner.

So let's have a little bit of fun. And of course, it's got to be around the topic we've been talking about today because, I mean, that would just be silly if it didn't. For the next week, what I'm going to do is invite you to practice resourcing from within yourself on simple things like, you know, that outfit that you want to put on for the day? Well, are you going to allow yourself to wear it and go with it? Are you going to think about, oh, so and so would think that was silly or oh, I'm going here, so I'd better look like this? No, I want to encourage you to look inside. What do I want to wear today? And make your choice of your clothing and your accoutrements around the clothing, including, you know, if you're a woman, lipstick, makeup, etc. Do it. Do it. Do it. Want to put the lashes on the red lipstick? You want to wear the sexy lingerie? Do it. You want to wear that red hot outfit that's completely inappropriate unless you're in the business, office or on a party, do it right, men, if you want to get all dolled up to walk into work or you want to wear your jeans and a T shirt, do it. I'm going to invite you to where do you want to go? What's something you want to explore? What's something you want to do? Do it. Resource within and honor that place inside of yourself. You want to take a new direction to wherever it is you're going to do it. You want to have a treat. You have some food that you want to eat and you're looking within and you're going, I got to have it. Do it. These are places that help us start practicing that idea of resourcing from within ourselves instead of not doing what it is we feel like we want to do, overriding our voices and doing what we think others want us to do, where drive, be, eat, become, etc.

You know, I'm just having another thought as we've talked a lot about resourcing within. Brooke, can you link to that? We did a recent episode, didn't we, about the ability to resource from within?

We sure did.

Yeah. I'll link it in the show notes.

Excellent.

Great idea. Our song for today. I choose a song for every episode for our podcast listeners. You're probably tired of hearing me say that, but I want to be respectful and mindful of those who are new.

And if you're new, thank you so much. And for those of you that listened before, thank you so much much.

We choose a song. It's a theme song for each and every episode of our podcast. Why? Because I like to and I love music and I love the arts and it just seems like something that helps us feel what it is we're talking about and experience that in an emotional space instead of just talk about some of these things from a logical space. The song that I've chosen today is Hauser and he is playing the song Wicked Games and if you're not familiar with him, he's a cellist. Fantastic. And I chose the song today more because of the video that is played with the song. I mean, the instrumental is absolutely incredible and it will be a great song for you to listen to while perhaps you're asking yourself some of those questions that we asked you to reflect on in the episode. But if you get a chance watch the video because he is literally playing the song for this beautiful woman that he is madly in love with and she comes to him and sits on his lap and he literally plays his pillow on her back. And then in a flash she's gone. Oh wow. And it just highlights what it feels like to desperately long for and see the possibility of what we truly desire in our relationships and the frustration that can also set in when we feel like, poof, it's gone. Where did it go? So check it out. It's a beautiful masterpiece of music and video. I think it'll really connect you with what it is we're trying to impart to you today and the importance of needing to be able to go back and resource inside of ourselves. Thank you so much for listening and being here with us. It's truly our pleasure to have these conversations in support of you, especially when you're going through difficult times. You can listen to this song and on our entire playlist by going to our website podcast page or search it up on Spotify at Love Shack Live Playlist. Again, appreciate you. Send you off with a ton of love and a big hug today. I want to remind you you got this. I need you to slow down and I need you to remember it's time to scale up. Bye bye for now. All right, it's time to leave the Love Shack. But before we part ways, we want you to know our door is always.

Open and we'll leave the porch light on.

Ready to welcome you back whenever you need a dose of relationship wisdom. For more reach, resources and tools, visit us atlove shacklive.com to dive deeper into the topics we've explored and find additional support for your relationship journey. Stay connected by subscribing to our podcast. Thank you for being part of our Love Shack Live community.

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