#227: You Can’t Keep Going Like This: What to Do When You’re Emotionally Flatlining

Have you ever had that feeling in your gut? The quiet knowing that something isn't quite right, Nothing's blown up, nothing's clearly wrong, but something's off and you can't shake it? That was me. And not about my relationship, but about our brand. I couldn't explain it. I knew it just wasn't reflecting what we really do anymore. It wasn't matching the transformation that I see happen in our programs every day. It felt like we were showing the world a version of ourselves that we'd already outgrown. But even once I started sensing that, I didn't speak up right away because. Because we were busy, because things were working well enough. And also, let's be honest, because the people I needed to bring it up to sitting right here. My mom, too, and my dad. Hi, guys. So instead of saying, hey, I think we might need a full rebrand, I found myself making little tweaks, changing fonts, nudging a headline, and trying to fix the symptoms instead of naming the pattern. And that's exactly what so many do in our relationships, too. Welcome to Love Shack Live, the podcast for people who are at a relationship crossroads. I'm Brooke, here with my mom, too. Stacy Bartley, a relationship mentor and a master of turning emotional chaos into clarity. And her husband and my dad, Tom. Together, we help couples and individuals reconnect, rebuild, and communicate in ways that actually work. And today, we're talking about the moment you realize something needs to change, but you don't quite know what to say or how to say it. If you've been sensing that quiet discomfort, if you've been ignoring your gut because you can't name what's wrong, say, stick around. This episode might help you find the words and the courage to start the conversation.

Hey.

Thank you for coming. Welcome to the Love Shack.

You might have noticed that a different person read the hook today. I'm Brooke. I'm Tom and Stacey's daughter, and we have been working behind the scenes on a big rebrand. We're rebranding everything about our work. It's still being called the same thing. The Better Love Club. And Stacey Barry, relationship expert. But it's getting a whole new look, and the way we talk about things is changing a little bit, too. I just felt like we could use kind of a refresh, but I knew it was a terrible time because we're very busy in our work and we have a lot of things going on. We're starting to branch out a little bit and work in the corporate world as well. We have so many things on our plate and so many projects that we want to get launched. And I thought, I don't think we should keep our same branding because we're launching so many new things. So that means if we do change the branding in the future, we're going to have even more things to change. So I feel like even though this is a bad time, it might be the best time we'll ever have to do it now. So that's the stage that I'm setting and the first question I'm asking, because I'm sure you figured it out, but I'm in charge of today's episode. I'm here with the questions setting up the scenario that I just said to ask my parents now what they were thinking during this time. So, mom, two, first one to you. Before I ever brought it up, did you have any sense that I was feeling off about our brand, or did it feel like it just came out of nowhere?

It felt like it came out of nowhere.

And I know the answer to this. But when I said to you, I think we need a new website, I think we need a new logo. I think we need to change everything. What was your reaction?

I was stunned. It's not often I find myself speechless, but I was absolutely speechless. There was a long pause in my experience of like, is this really happening right now? Is this really happening right now?

Actually, I think what was more telling is you woke up, like, crack of dawn the next morning, which Stacy never wakes up at the crack of dawn, shot straight up in the bed and said, I don't think we should be doing this.

Yeah. And texted me immediately.

And I said, babe, just reach out to Brookie, man. This is what we teach and coach a mentor. Let's just hit the nail right on the head. I said, babe, you need to just reach out now.

Well, and I want to go back to the moment before. And I love how you tell this part of the story, babe, because, you know, you have to appreciate, listener, that we are all in, like, a team meeting and. And we do a team meeting. You know, we try once a week where we kind of talk about what's working, what needs to be done at this point in time. We're really drill down on trying to get the marketing part right. We were tweaking conversations and outreach, and we were just kind of really heated up in the throes of that. Yes. Like Brooke said, with lots of projects going on. Yeah. And I'm thinking, oh, this is going to be so great. We're just going to Capitalize on this. It's like, isn't it amazing how you have certain things that happen in your world as an individual and you think, okay, this is it. Like, we're just going to. This is how this is going to go. I can see my own expectations taking on some ferocity. And then it's going to go like this, and then it's going to go like that.

It.

Oh, yeah, there's the sweet spot, right? Like, that's going to change my life and that's going to change and be the thing that we've all been working for. And. And we're sitting here doing our podcast before we even turned the podcast on that particular week.

Usually when we meet is beforehand perky.

I could see was, like, starting to squirm, and the conversation was going down different places. I'm like, what is going on?

And I'll tell you when I knew we had problems, because Brooke creates art around everything we do. And here's what she said. I hate our website. I'm thinking, Houston, we have a problem. If. If you're used to the NASA days, you know, like, that's not good. If someone. That is what they do is create art and they hate what they've created. We've probably no different than if you're in a relationship. Oftentimes, we work a lot with space and separation. When someone says, honey, I can't do this anymore. I cannot do this anymore, it's really the. I said, babe, we've got to address this because we can't have someone that is responsible for everything we do visually. You know, I mean, that. That's. We're dead in the water.

This is taking me back to a moment in my own relationship many, many years ago where I remember just saying to myself. I didn't even say it out loud, but I remember saying to myself, I hate coming home. And then it was like, I don't want to hear this. I don't want to address this. I don't want to look at this. It's those moments where it's, like, good that you see it, but damn, I wish I didn't have to face this right now.

That's exactly how I felt about saying that to you. I was frustrated with our branding, and I was looking at this copywriter's website, and I was envious of it and saying how, like, fresh and nice it felt. And then, I swear to God, everyone listening. I did not know that I was about to say this. I didn't know it was going to come out of My mouth. But I said, you guys, I think we need a new website. And then I stopped after that, and I was like, I can't believe I just said that, because that wasn't what I was coming into the meeting to talk about at all. I was just diagnosing some of, like, our messaging issues and our copywriting problems, and then it just came out, and then I kind of had the same feeling that you had, mom, too. Like, I wish I didn't say that, because, God, that's gonna be so much work.

And then that was followed up by, I hate our website. And the reason why that's a big deal listener is because Brookie pours her heart and soul into all of the creative design and copy in her work. Like, if you're ever touched by a picture, if you're ever touched by the copy, that comes from Brooke, that comes from her heart, it comes from her soul. I've watched her spend hours and hours and hours of intention crafting just the perfect look and feel or just the perfect message. So that's why it was such a big deal. I loved the website. I loved the old website, right? I just admire all the love and attention and care that is poured into it. But to have the creator of that moment go, I hate this. You know, like Tom said, it was like, man, we got big problems here. Like, what is going on? How can you hate that? But I also want to point out, in the relationship space, we can't say, brookie, don't worry about that. I love it. It's so beautiful. And I love the logo and I love how it dances, which is where we tend to go. Like, she is being so vulnerable and so honest and so transparent and courageous. And courageous and saying, I hate this. And I went, so what happens when somebody hates something, whether it's a website or it's me coming home? If we don't address why that's the case, then we're basically saying we've come to the end of the road. There is nothing that I know how to do then that's going to take me in a better sense of feel, possibility, or hope. Hate is a powerful word when it means, really, I don't like where I'm at at all. I can't find any joy in it anymore. And if something doesn't change, I've come to the end of what I'm willing to contribute. Like, that's a big deal. I can't hang out here anymore. And so if we really understand that word and where it takes us, it Was like, boy, okay, that one's going to stop us dead in our tracks. And sometimes those messages, like I said, can even come from within ourselves, like they shock ourselves, just like you were saying. And just like, you know, we've all experienced here at the table, like, damn, I wish I didn't know that, or, damn, I can't believe that just came out. But it's so honest, it's so true. And I just didn't know how to put it into words or felt like I couldn't put it into words. And then it just tumbles out because it needs to tumble out. Nobody can go forward in a good, synergistic, thriving way unless these kinds of things get looked at and talked about. Yeah, they are brave moments.

Thank you.

Even though I woke up in the morning, I'm not a morning person shot out of bed going, oh, my gosh, this is terrible timing, because I had all my own stuff coming up about this that I had to rectify.

Well, and to be totally frank, we almost stayed with the old website because, you know, you're the. Are the driver of the ship, and dad and I, our voices matter, and we know you listen to us, and we know that you count on us and that our opinions are important, but you are the boss. So dad was like, brooke, maybe we just need to wait a couple of months. And I knew that he was trying to quell the situation. I wasn't being aggressive or anything. I just was clear in my convictions and my reasons why, and I wanted to make sure that they were known because I felt that you were misunderstanding them a little bit, which you were, because I didn't explain them well enough. So then we got on the phone and we talked it out, and you said, what about this, this and this? And I said, well, you know, then that makes me think of this, this, and this. And then I don't remember what exactly we said, but you were like, what about this? And I said, well, that makes me think of this. And you said, okay, that's it. Do it.

While it was the moment of what really was. The kicker for me, honestly, was when you said we were kind of going back and forth and kind of just trying to share our ideas and our perspectives. And all sudden, you flatlined. There's so many times in our lives where I talk about the nuances of life. I could tell that Brookie was going to do it to please me. She was going to do it because, yes, I am the Voss. Yes, because I am the driver of this. But I realized in that moment, what would I accomplish if I lost the thriving sense of her showing up in a profound, energized, clear, excited way? Like, what did I gain in being the boss? Nothing. I just caused my designer that puts art lovingly, intentionally, right, day in and day out, and words around my work, and I just took everything that was making her live and breathe and excited to go on, and I deflated it. I took it away to have my way to be in charge, because I didn't feel like this is the right timing. And in that moment, I realized it was better for me to err on the side of keeping you thriving and feeling and the synergy between us, because that's what makes our work so great. That was more important than the timing of anything. And so it was like, okay, we're gonna do it. I can tell that this is so important to you that if I were to invite you to continue in the manner in which I'm describing, it would flatline you. It would flatline you. So what have I accomplished? Nothing. What happens to our work that we love and care about so much? It's not going to thrive. Like, we just pulled all of the nuance of emotion out of it, and now we're just going through the motions. We're checking boxes. Yep. Ready to launch, ready to go. But the intention and the love and the passion and everything that makes it so incredible and juicy is gone.

Which, to be, in the spirit of full disclosure, was gone for a while before that.

You know, I didn't know it because you would have covered it up and masked it so well. Yeah, right. I hope that listener you're seeing. The reason why we're sharing this story with you is because this is exactly what we do in other places of our relationships with each other. It is so classic where somebody is stewing with something that they don't feel comfortable with, and slowly but surely, the light is going out, but they just keep thinking, okay, come on. Hang in there. Don't make a problem. Don't create a fuss. We all know where we're going. We're all on board. I committed to this. Come on, come on, come on. We can do this. And then there comes a moment where. And it's inevitable. The truth comes tumbling out. And in those moments of truth, we can either kind of proceed with looking at and accepting and embracing and facing it head on, or we can try and cover up. And this is things in places where we might say, no, no, no, it's. It's okay. I'll just. And you said that. You said. No, no, no, mom, it's fine. It's fine. I'll. I'll just do it. It's no big deal.

And I was being genuine. I was.

You were. But because I see that in my office, day in and day out, I'm like, oh, yeah, no, no, this is a problem. I don't want you going through the motions, and I don't want you just doing it because I say so. Or that's what we agreed. Or that was the path we were on. Or it's inconvenient, or the timing's inappropriate. You know, all the places and spaces where we can go. Why now is not a good time to talk about this or bring it up or address this. We all have a running ticker tape about those things, don't we? Like, it's too much. It's too stressful. It's all about the kids. They'll take it like this, and that's going to be inconvenience, going to hurt their feelings. They're going to think. I mean, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no it up and gloss it over. Onwards.

What we often. Well, I'd say always or 99% of the time, we don't realize this has to do. It's a capacity issue. It's no different than if you saw your gas gauge or fuel gauge, whatever you drive is near empty or at empty. And it'll be fine. No, it won't be fine. Like, everyone understands that one. If I don't get something to refuel it, I will stop. The same thing it is for us, but yet, in the emotional realm, the relationship realm of life, we think it will be fine. Because with great love and respect, everything that I've endured with this woman and my daughter and in my years on this planet, it's never a good time. Just be honest. It's not.

And if you call it a good time, that stops you from being able to really step into the issue. And guess what? That's just like putting a little sticky note over your gas gauge. It doesn't make it any fuller. You just don't want to look at the depleting capacity that is now on a Going to run out of gas. Like, there is going to be a problem because we're not willing to look at it. And so there was that very instinctual moment where Brookie said, no, mom, it's fine. We'll just do it your way. And I went, no, no, we won't. You need to do this because I In this work. And our clients deserve to have all of you. You deserve to have all of you. We deserve to have all of you. And if you can't show up until you address this issue, then I want you present in this work more than I want whatever it is we're working on to happen.

That's a classic. You know, we want you to show up as good as you feel. And if you're feeling like, I hate what I'm like, come on. That's going to be the antithesis of what we teach and coach every single day. Like, that's being very hypocritical, to be fair. I mean, so again, we navigate this right alongside you, the listener. We share that often. I would think this is very parallel, hopefully. And you're able to feel this when I would think especially says that they come to you and say, honey, I don't think I can do this anymore.

There's never a good time for that conversation in the online business. I'm going to tell you right now, there is never a good time to say, we're going to do a full rebrand. No, we're not. No.

And I would like to add that it's taking much longer than I promised, of course.

Because I knew that on the front side. I knew that on the front side.

Yeah.

So, like, take what you think it's going to be and then double it or so.

But I mean, and this is really. I mean, so when you receive that or if you're the one that has the courage to share it, you've got to realize this is the same dynamics apply, the same emotions apply. It doesn't matter. And hopefully you can realize someone is at capacity. We say that they're not. They're just. This is. You go on to survival. Like, look, I can't do this anymore because if I do, I'm going to tap out.

If I go down the conversation, relationship, roadway of saying, brooke, this is really inconvenient. For God's sake, get your shit together. Come on, pull it together. You know, we can't do this right now. What do you think that's going to do? It's going to cause her emotional gas gauge to deplete even more.

And also feel like maybe I shouldn't tell you guys things like that takes.

All the safety out of this.

So then what have we done? Let's. Let's don't. Don't share it with me. Then. Then what have we got? Well, everybody thinks everything's fine. And this is where we have those yeah. And that's where we have these experiences of like, I didn't see it coming. I didn't see it coming. But so many of our relationships find themselves in that space. You think everything is fine. You know why? Because nobody feels like they can tell you the truth. And so then when it finally does tumble out, you're like, bam. Where did that come from?

I always hear from people, oh, I can't believe you work for your parents or you work with family. And we've worked together for over 10 years now. And I would say that one of the only reasons why we can be as successful as we are and work through any problem that comes our way is because it's okay for any of us to say how we feel 100% at any moment. And when that happens, sure, it may. Like this was. I would say that this conversation was like, some people would say, oh, that was kind of, you know, a conflict. It was nothing. But we worked through it so quickly because we use the skills that we teach and we're allowed to say how we feel and it's okay for the other person to say how they feel, even if we disagree and we don't get our feelings hurt. It is what it is. I think it's a gift that we give each other. And of course, it takes emotional push ups. I was frustrated when mom said, I don't think we should do it, but I understood her reasons behind it, which made it easier for me to hear that. Sure, I was disappointed that I wasn't going to be able to do this thing that I saw in my head as a great journey, but I totally respected the reasons behind her saying that.

Well, I think if we take this a step further, if I may, we really don't realize the mechanism or the means that takes us in these places of human growth and expansion. We, in our logic, think that it needs to go a certain way. And what we don't realize is if we can open ourselves up to the possibilities that sometimes are a little. They make your armpit sweaty. They make your heart quiver a little bit. It can showcase so many incredible things. So take that moment now, listener, where Brooke says, I think we need to do a total rebrand. And then I wake up, you know, in a hot sweat early in the morning going, oh, my gosh, you know, this is. And I'm just thinking about, how are we going to fit this in and how are we going to do it? And it's going to take so much time. We got to shuttle of our marketing down. We have to switch websites. I mean, like, this is a huge deal. This is not something that you just handle in a couple of days. It's going to take some work and some effort and some energy. And unfortunately or fortunately for me, Brooke is the only one who has her hands in the design and the words. So there's not really even much I can do to help her with that other than share my vision and my ideas and then let her put it into words and pictures. So I realize that the majority of this project is going to lie on her shoulders, which kind of shuts everything down. And so then you agree and you're kind of on a hope and a prayer. You're kind of like, okay, I hope this goes well, but I know that we're kind of done at this crossroads anyway, so if I were to. To see her flat line and not proceed, I haven't accomplished anything. I love it when the three of us are in a place of thriving and synergy and sharing. And I know for sure, but that always trickles over into our clients and our work and our tools. It's an experience that the three of us have the gift and honor and privilege of creating for all of you. So in this place of hope and a wing and a prayer, you get a text message from Brooke. We get a text message from Brooke saying, I didn't know I needed this so much that as we stepped into the process, it wasn't just about branding our website. It was about a growth journey for Brooke. It was about an expansion and exploration for her and where she was grappling with all the anxiety and all of the pressure of the world, and it's changing rapidly, and her big heart, trying to save it all and love everybody and protect everybody. It gave her an outlet to channel her anxiety with, which gave her the foundation to find meaning and purpose in life again. So we look back at the net results of that that we didn't know on the front side and say, we don't have time to do a rebranding. We don't have time to do a rebranding, but we always have time for the expansion and the growth and the exploration of a human soul. We must. And sometimes it comes to us in funny, quirky, different places and spaces. For Brooke, it's the rebranding of a website. For others, it's embarking on having a child or a new career or exploring some changes in our relational space. I gotta switch it up here. I'm not. Okay, I'm flatlining. I'm not doing well, it's never a great time to have that conversation. But if we can step into those conversations and face them head on, what it will offer up and pave the pathway to are places and spaces where you can grow and explore and expand. All you can do is realize this isn't working and take a leap of faith and trust the process that whatever needs to go on here for this person, this place, this journey, this experience is going to take us to a better place because we are not doing well as it is. So we've got a risk, we've got to fly, we've got to jump, we've got to leap, we've got to let go, we've got to try. I go from being oh hell no, we can't do this to so bloody grateful that we did. And it's not even launched yet. And I don't even care because I've already come to the conclusion and awareness that wherever it takes us, we're all our work, our clients, me, dad, us a team, we're all, we are all going to be better for it. I have no doubt. So we go, we go as inconvenient and irrational and misplaced and as it is, it's what needed to be done. And those are never convenient and timely and cheap but necessary.

Well, and I'd say too, I would agree. And it's interesting because this is, I just told, I just shared this with you last night was after we did our class. I said, you know, interestingly, as ill timed as this seem to be at the front, it's probably the most calm I've ever been. Like, you know, I know this is the right thing and we've had some new opportunities come just kind of fall out of the sky. A gust moment.

You're right.

And we're working now with State. We've always kind of sense this could be a place we could contribute as well. So it's really helping businesses that are human and helping other human space and we've had a wonderful start in this with a wonderful family. That, that was great work.

You wouldn't have had enough time to do this if we kept going along in the way we were going.

Yes. You know, trusting the process is only cliche because it's true. But it's damn hard, believe me, to.

Trust the moment, trust the process and to address the things that are going to make you.

Well, if I was sharing with Stacy, you know, my mom, one of the things that she raised me on was follow the open door and this whole business thing has literally been just green light, open door out of the providential. You know, I mean, I think, wow. I said, mom, okay, you're right. And Stacy says, is this. Should we do this? I said, babe, it's open door, man. It's just open door, open door, open door. I mean, my God, come on. And yeah, that would not have been. It wouldn't have presented itself like this nor the opportunity for us to act on it had this not happened. So I marvel at the wisdom of the universe if we do our part and then we trust the process, trust God and lock my car as well. It's kind of that same deal.

And I really want to emphasize here because I think this is a big, A big point that we miss in the nuances of relationships. If you know that somebody is going to flatline by asking them to do something that you feel very impassioned about, what have you accomplished? Where is that going to take you? You have none of them. You have a shell of them. And with their capacity and their capability and their resilience and maybe, just maybe, as they come to you saying, I can't do this anymore, we need to allow them a journey to find their own vibrancy and life and voice and breath of excitement and expansion so that once again you can reunite and experience the beautiful, incredible person that you continue to love and that is a part of your life. It's amazing to me how many times we ask people to just be a shell of themselves so that I don't have to address or step into the things that make me sweat or uncomfort and what have I accomplished there?

I think it's actually kind of funny that you say vibrancy because if us three picture in our mind's eye our current website versus what I'm designing now, could it be more of a vibrancy difference?

So true. So true.

I have a question related to relationships that some people might be wondering. If someone is listening right now that has an off feeling but no clear words yet, what do they do with it? And how can they start the conversation without feeling like they're going to blow everything up?

That's a great question.

I think the conversation needs to start inside of ourselves until we find the words or trust and know that if they fall out on the table like Brooke experienced, that you don't retract them. Sometimes we're thinking or contemplating about something. There's just this help. I call it the help from Gus, God, universe and spirit. So we can acknowledge and appreciate everyone in their perspective wherever Your spiritual sense of self is coming from. Sometimes when we're talking and we've been ruminating on things or having a difficult time with things, the intelligence that we are gives us a little hand up and the words just fall out on the table. And what we'll tend to do if they're a surprise even to us, is we'll retract them. We'll say, oh, just kidding, I didn't really mean that. No, no, no, don't worry about it. I'll figure it out. I'll be fine. Instead of stepping in to honor those words and say, wow, I can't believe I just said that. But that is so true. I've just been afraid to share it with you. Can we step into this conversation and really explore it? Because I'm not okay. And those are so important. And then there's other times where you are going to be able to take those emotions and you're going to sit with them long enough to be able to translate them into words that you can then share with a place of confidence. And then you just got to muster up the courage to say it. I think both of them are exceptionally courageous and bold and need to happen.

And what would be helpful for the person receiving this unexpected news? What would be some really helpful skills or frameworks that they could embody? Because I would say that this is probably going to rock their world. Yes.

Well, some helpful tools. If you're the receiver of such information as the first thing, you're going to hate it when I say this. You're going to so hate it when I say this. You have to realize that that really doesn't have anything to do with you. Yeah, it has everything to do with somebody that you love struggling with something they feel like they can't do anymore or that they need more of or something different to explore. It really doesn't mean they don't love you or care or aren't still wanting to go in the same direction to create the same things that the two of you have been inspired to create all along. It means I need to switch it up a little bit because the pathway that I thought would work for me is not working. I didn't know I was going to find myself in this place. But to cause me to feel as though I can't make any adjustments is just going to cause me to flatline anyway. It's a game over. It's a loose loose. So when you think about it in those terms, you realize the most generous, kind, loving thing somebody could do when they're in this place in space is to let you know, even if it's a surprise and even if it's disappointing, even if it's like, oh damn, I didn't really want to do this right now. I guess it's time. Because to not address it is just going to take us into further degradation of everything that we hold and love dear. So, all right, let's pause and do your best to not take it personal. Realize they are trying to problem solved with you so that they can find a better, different way forward for them so that they can stay in the game.

I have a question for all three of us. What's one emotional skill each of us had to practice in order to navigate this rebrand together without resentment, reactivity or drama?

I had to let go. I had to just let go and like step into the abyss and go. Trust the process. Whatever this is, it's better. I want all of her. I want her thriving and vibrant because it matters to everything that we do. And I'm not willing to settle for anything less. So if that's my come from, then I gotta let go and trust the process. It was a letting go process for me for sure. What about for you?

Yeah, very similar. And again, I just cannot reiterate or accentuate maybe is a better adjective about when Brooke shared. You know, Brooke and I are very close. When someone that is the creator of what it is that they contribution to a body of work or the relationship expresses that kind of amount of dis. Ease. You know, I think if I don't choose to listen to that, then like, come on. I mean, I'm not walking the walk.

And I just want to clarify. It's not that I hate it or think it's ugly or like, no, no, no. But I did say I hate it. It's really that number one, I don't like the platform that we're on. I'm not going to name it because I don't need to shame anything. Yeah, it's hard for me to work with. So when my parents asked me to create a new page for them, like a new sales page or a landing page or something, it's very tedious and it doesn't inspire me at all. And that's a big part of my job. And so it just makes those tasks take so long and feel so torturous. And so when mom too was saying, well, Brooke, we got to do these things, we have to do all. And I was like, yeah, but those are all new pages that you need me to build. Do you see my issue here? I think that was when you were like, oh, oh, yeah.

Well, and that's. That's a good point because, you know, again, we try to be very transparent with each other. And Brooke, like, we need to get better, and there's only three of us. This is us. This is the team. As you're. You're listening to us. And so, you know, speed to market. Come on. This is all about the business world we live in with AI. I mean, and so we know we have to be quick. Every business to survive, you have to be quick to respond. You. You iterate quick and fail fast and.

Figure and try new things.

Well, there again, yeah. So the hate thing is just like. That's really just. I have flatlined. I'm out of gas.

That's really what that means within our current environment.

And just like your partner, when he or she comes to you and says, I cannot do this anymore, everyone will say, oh, that means that they're gone. Well, maybe. But that's not what they're saying in the beginning. Don't have any gas in their emotional gas tank.

And for the circumstances that you're in, it means that you can then try something different.

Different.

And create a new experience.

It's the resistance.

Yes.

If we're asking Brooke every time we got to have a new page or an iteration done, and we're trying to be in the marketplace, like, getting the intel that we need in real time.

And all of a sudden, she goes, remember Bricky's faces. Sometimes when, you know, Stacy and I, all we do is have.

I tell you what, all the time, we throw a lot of stuff at her.

Do you know how long that's gonna take me?

I mean, Stacy and I, we all. We do.

Especially after I work through my own resistance.

We're gonna. Yeah, we're listening. What have you guys been drinking? Do you understand what that's going to take?

Can we just use this old page? It'll be fine.

So. But think about. That's what your partner's saying. Like, if you don't allow me, we need a reset. This is not. Just put a sticky pad over the gas gauge. That's really what we're asking. No, everything will be fine. No, it won't be fine, because he or she wouldn't be asking for this very difficult thing that most people don't even ask.

Yeah, yeah. Look, if we have resistance to having.

A conversation, that's a sign.

That's a problem. If we have resistance to having sex, that's a problem. You're not going to be able to enroll anybody logically into those places and spaces. The resistance is emotional resistance. We want to pay attention to those things. Brooke was having a tremendous amount of emotional resistance. Come to find out about the platform that we were on, had no idea about that because I don't work on it.

Right.

As well as several other things. And it got to a crescendo, which commonly does. And then it rolled out on the table, and we all had to go, holy cow.

If you're old. If you're old enough time consuming. And most of you aren't, probably because Bricky brings in a lot of younger listeners, which we so appreciate. You, younger listener. I remember the E.F. hutton commercials. They were awesome, you know, and they would stage it and, you know, like, a big, crowded, you know, restaurant or whatever, and they would zoom in on a table, and someone would drop, like, this most incredible, unexpected sentence.

That's what it was like.

And then the entire restaurant would stop talking and turn towards that table. So, Brooke, that really listener. When Brookie laid that, like, station, like. Like our. Like. What did you just say?

Yeah, it was shocking. It was shocking for all three of us. Like, you guys, I can't explain it enough how this was not on the table. It wasn't even in our brains.

Well, that'd be about the farthest thing that we needed at that point in time. But the same thing is true, I'm sure. Especially if. Well, even if you're the one sharing or you're the receiver. Especially because we hear this all the time. Like, it's because you have to first understand the courage that it takes to say something, because percentage speaking, most people will go their whole life, and even though they wanted to say that, they didn't choose to. So it takes a lot of courage. I'm not saying there's not pain. Of course there is. But pain doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. It just be tremendous indicator to recalculate.

Well, and can I just say one other thing to add to what you're about to say, dad? Is that I want everyone to know that I now know that I am the person that is bottlenecking our company. You know, so, like, I advocated for this big change, and now all of the eyes are on me. Like, my parents trust me, and they know that I'm doing a good job and that I'm working as fast as I possibly can, but also, like, it's taking me longer than I thought it would. And that makes Me feel like a failure, and then that makes me doubt myself, and then that makes me change designs. And I'm not classically trained. I'm self trained, so I don't have a normal design process.

This.

It's kind of chaotic. But so I asked for that, and then they said, okay. And then I was like, like, you know what I mean? Like, now I gotta do the thing. There's a lot in front of me. I'm so happy that I did because I feel energy inside me that I haven't felt in years, which Mom 2 talked about. And it's really important, and it's making me feel alive again. But also it's huge. The courage that it takes to say it initially is big, but then also the courage to follow through and actually go after what you've asked for and do a good job. Once you ask for it and your partner or your bosses make the concession, then you have to perform. You know, it's not over after that initial conversation.

No, that's just a start.

Well, that is just the start. And you think about, hey, we need to take a break.

Right.

I need to work on myself. How many times does that bold thing become honored? And then you're like, I got to work on myself.

Well, and then how many times do we hear? Because we typically work with the recipient of that information. They say, tom, Stacy, Brooke, how long do I wait?

Or they're not doing anything.

Yeah, they're just, you know, they don't seem to be doing anything. And they're. They're crossing everything. Day off on the calendar for you.

To get it together. Yeah.

And then everything's going to be fine again after this 63 days that you've promised, and I'll have it all together.

And we don't realize the courageous journey that then has to be unfolding. And we think we're just going to figure that out. We think that we're just going to step in and go, ta da. This is a transformational journey of growth and understanding of ourselves and each other. Like, that is no small thing. That is really what's happening here. Whether I'm asking for the space or I'm the person who's receiving that sense of space. And Brookie's journey was just that. It was a transformational journey where she gets to embark on something that she thinks she can do, but then she has to challenge herself to actually do it. And that's where the transformation unfolds, the having to push against something, step into it. But it's also ironically where flow states come from, meaning and purpose trickle in. A reconnection and a sense of re establishing self happens in those same courageous moments. And sometimes that's what it is. I need to switch things up a bit so that I can go and find myself again. Because somewhere along the way, say, I've kind of flatlined and I don't know how to get myself back. So as humans, we start reaching back for the things that are bothering us that we're finding resistance in, or that we want to expand our vision or understanding around yet again. And so we'll reach for those things. Not because you are malicious or intentionally trying to thwart or trip up anyone that you get love and care about, but because I know if I don't go there, I'm not going to be me. And I think that's really important to hear. It really isn't about the other person. And I know that's the thing we hate to hear.

And would you say that most people that step in to say, the space and separation journey, which we've probably talked about the most here as of the last year or so, it takes longer. Just like Brooks Project, it takes longer than they originally anticipated. Yes. Well.

And most of us try and go it alone. And what we find we're going to do is we'll probably just end up coping. If we don't really have some structure and some teaching and some mentorship with it, we're going to probably start coping.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I've said that twice on this podcast before we started recording, I just had a like 20 minute vent session with my parents about how I'm struggling with that. Like, even though they're giving me the space and the freedom to do what I want with this rebrand, I am fighting my demons with, with, you know, tweaking things too much and being too much of a perfectionist. And then I've worked 80 hours and I have nothing to show for it because I've changed the design five times. So that is true. And I realized that I need to reach out to you guys and say, hey, can you guys help me finalize this? Tell me which one you like best so I can make a decision and move on. Like, it's not good to have freedom to redesign a whole brand and have no one that you're like, touching points with. You know, that makes you kind of. I've literally gone a little crazy in the past couple of days.

Let's give a incredible shout out to your wonderful partner, Jack. Like Jack saying Honey, what the hell is going on over there? Like, are we. What are you doing?

Am I ever going to see you again?

Are you writing the next Harry Potter? For God's sakes. I mean, literally, I mean, thank you, Jack.

Yeah, you have. Even in your creativeness or you're taking space or whatever is going on, you still have to have balance and boundaries and, you know, limits and goals and cutoff times and those things still matter.

Yeah, absolutely. Touch points of mentorship. Places and spaces where you can bounce ideas off and perspectives off of other people. Otherwise we can get so tumbling in our own isolated thinking imposter syndrome.

You know, thinking I'm terrible, thinking everything that we make is awful, thinking that every decision we make is stupid. You know, it's so easy to get into those.

So I'm gonna just give a plug because, you know, that's what I do. So if you are navigating, creating space and separation or you are trying to decide if you're going to stay or go, if your marriage is on the rocks or you just don't think you're done or whatever, really reach out to us in the Better Love Club. We have separate groups for each one of those places. Also soon, I think I can say this. We're gonna, we're gonna be.

Yeah, say it. Because it's going to be on the new website.

We're going to be adding a dating. For those of us stepping back into dating and are tired of all the crap that we have out there. We're gonna totally take care of that program as well. Really excited about this. Something the three of us have been dreamed about for a long time. So yeah, there's going to be a place though that's coming soon. So. But really at the moment. But soon we'll have dating is, you know, space and separation or navigating or you're in a marriage, you're in a long term relationship and think, damn, I'm not sure if this is going to make it or not. You know, we just started that program. We just kind of finished our first round of some wonderful group.

I'm not going to say their names, but one of the couples who just graduated is staying together. So that's very exciting. They were with us for 12 weeks, 12 Wednesday night calls and they've decided they're doing really good. So it works.

So yeah, actually two of them.

Yeah, actually two.

Nice.

So there's power, incredible power. And community because you're around others where it makes us realize the wife last night, I think it's very helpful to realize, like, not. I'm not the only one that is feeling these feelings like this. She said that was one of the best benefits that she had by being in this small group. And so we think, oh my gosh, there are other people that are navigating this very difficult place. Because I say often we don't go down to the water cooler at work and talk about this kind of stuff. We keep it really tight to the vest and that's hard. There aren't many places we can go to share this.

There are another thing that was really cited was having common frameworks and principles that we can practice together, that we can talk about and share, and that we can create some common practices there together. That's what frameworks and principles and skills do for you.

I'm going to repeat the headline to our new website. Relationship problems are really missing Emotional skills. That's it. Me and my parents are so good at spotting them that you can tell us a problem when we can tell you what skill it's mapped to. Once you figure them out, it's very easy to see it in your own life.

Is there a little, just a teaser that we can have in the show? Notes to where you can give someone a little glimpse of. Of what you're doing?

Maybe I'll. Maybe I'll put a little picture. So I'm actually the one that's closing out the show today because this is my episode. I would like to pose a closing question before we get into Follow the Fun. What would change if you stopped trying to fix the symptoms and had the courage to name what's really going on? Just ponder that.

So we're going to switch gears and let's step into some Follow the fun.

Since we're talking about rebrands today, let's have a little fun. If you could rebrand one thing in your relationship, what would it be? What's the one dynamic habit or moment that you could seriously use a new name for? A new tone, or maybe a new font? Think small, think honest, and think hilarious. Something like the recurring argument about the thermostat, AKA the climate war. The what do you want to do for dinner dance that lasts 47 minutes? The weekly chore divide that somehow always ends with you holding the vacuum? Your default shutdown phrase? I'm fine, spoiler, you're not. How about one of you becomes a full trial attorney during every disagreement? Or that moment when date night turns on to scroll on opposite ends of the couch night. Whatever it is, imagine giving it a fresh new Name a new energy or even a slogan. And hey, try asking your partner this. Babe, if we could rebrand one thing in our relationship just for fun, what would you for?

Pay pick.

There's no fixing here. No defensiveness. Just curiosity and a little creativity. You might be surprised what comes up and how much fun it is to name stuff that's been bugging you together.

I like that a lot.

How about, do you want me to set the alarm tonight? Honey?

What could we call that?

The alarm. The alarm game.

Right, the alarm game. For the jingle. It's the jingle tingle.

And then our song before we wrap up. We always pick a song. Usually Stacy picks it, but today I picked Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by John Mayer because that's what it felt like. Our old branding wasn't terrible. It wasn't broken. But deep down, I knew it didn't reflect who we were anymore. I just kept dancing in it, making small tweaks, adjusting the curtains while the walls were slowly catching fire. And I think a lot of us do that in relationships. We sense the shift, shift. But we keep going through the motions. Smiling, pretending, avoiding the moment. We finally say, this doesn't fit anymore. So if you've been slow dancing in your own burning room, this one's for you.

Wow. Brookie, thank you so much for putting this together. Thank you so much for being courageous, to be brave, to be bold. I'm going to say that to all of us, for each of the skills and each of the emotional push ups that we've each had to do to find ourselves into this very precious, nuanced place that I have no doubt is going to trickle over into all of our incredible work and clients and people that we get to touch heart, mind and soul each and every day. So thank you. Thank you so much for being bold enough to take it on and to wrestle in your transformation journey as we have each now in tow with you have done our own transformation journey along the way, and that's how it works, right? When one person changes the dance, it's an opportunity for everyone to take a step up. Thank you. Bye bye for now. Love you guys.

Love you too.

Thank you for joining us and we'll see you next week.

All right, it's time to leave the Love Shack. But before we part ways, we want you to know our door is always open and we'll leave the porch light on. Ready to welcome you back whenever you need a dose of relationship wisdom. For more resources and tools, visit us atlove shack live.com to dive deeper into the topics we've explored and find additional support for your relationship journey. Stay connected by subscribing to our podcast. Thank you for being part of our Love Shack Live community.

Sam.