#235: When “I Need Space” Feels Like Goodbye

They didn't say it's over. They said I need space. And that somehow hurts more. You're stuck in the in between, still in the relationship, but not really still sleeping in the same house. But it's silent. Or maybe they've already gone and you're left with their ghost and a dozen unanswered questions. Your thoughts are racing, your appetite gone. You're pretending to function, but the truth is your nervous system is not offering any peace. This is what relationship limbo feels like, and it's brutal. But there's nothing wrong with you for struggling to hold it all together. In neuroscience shows us that romantic rejection activates the same part of our brains as physical pain. So if your chest aches, if you can't sleep, if you feel like you're falling apart constantly, that's not too sensitive. It's actually biology. Welcome to Love Shack Live, the podcast for people standing at a relationship crossroads. If you're facing daily conflict, silent distance, and a growing emotional gap and you still want to rebuild something real, this space is for you. I'm Stacy Bartley, a relationship mentor and emotional skill builder. With me is my partner, Tom, and our daughter, Brooke. I want you to know that together we guide people through some of the hardest moments of their lives with tools, truth, and a whole lot of heart. And in today's episode, we're asking what really helps when someone you love pulls away? What actually works and what just adds more panic to the pain? Let's talk about the power of support, the truth about your nervous system and why you don't have to go through this all alone.

Hey, thank you for coming. Welcome to the Love Shack.

There is a silent struggle in the space and place of space and separation. It's the place where you are falling apart everywhere you go, in the grocery store, in the car, when a song plays and you gotta pull over and just take a minute. And here's the thing, as you drive by that last place you had dinner, it's gut wrenching. And they seem to be everywhere. All of a sudden. You can't drive down the street of your hometown where the two of you have lived or maybe grown up together without having something set you off. You re read the same text they sent 10 times. You write your reply back to them 10 times. And you rehearse what you want to say, but never seem to hit the send button. Or you hit the send button way, way, way, way, way too many times. Friends say to you, just move on, let it go, be done. Or, you know what? Don't worry about it. Give it some time. They'll come back. They know you're a hot catch. But what they don't know is you haven't slept, you haven't eaten, you can't breathe because of the weight that sits on your chest. Consistently, I want you to know your brain thinks you're in danger because biologically, you are. MRI studies from UCLA show that romantic rejection actually activates the anterior cingulate cortex in your brain, the same part of your brain that lights up when you're in physical pain. So heartbreak. It isn't just in your head, it's actually in your body. Your nervous system is on high alert, flooding you with cortisol and adrenaline, begging for some sense of safety. This feels like racing thoughts, frozen limbs, obsessive spirals looking for answers, intermittent bouts of crying followed by numbness and an inability to focus on anything. Sleeping is rough. Ooh, it's super rough. It's awful when it gets quiet and there's nothing to focus your brain on. Eating is, too. And it's difficult to find relief anywhere. And it's very normal for you to panic and wonder, am I actually gonna make it through this? Because everywhere you turn, you can't seem to find a moment of peace. And then you layer on maybe feeling ashamed for not being able to hold it together. And then the one that really kicks you in the ass. Oh, this one's good. Because as you're struggling over there in your own little world, you're looking across the bow and everything seems to be just fine. They seem to dysfunction fine. You see them posting on Social that they're going out, meeting new friends, having a great time, traveling to places that maybe the two of you had talked about traveling together, but now they're going without you. And all of that seems to just make it a more intense, terrible experience. And this is where it's really normal for us as human beings to start going, why am I the only one that's hurting here? And when we ask that question, our brain is a very good, faithful dog that runs out and fetches that stick and comes back with really great answers. I'll tell you why they're having a great time. Because they never loved you. Because they never cared. Because they were never really in this relationship, because they never really wanted it in the first place. So it comes back with answers, but it's not good answers. This is where we start to say, what a setup. Get your popcorn, get your Coke. This one's gonna really kick your ass. You ready for A trip to hell. And I want you to see right here how we actually inflict this very often upon ourselves. Not right or wrong or good or bad. It just is what we do.

Well, they always say, what? No one kicks their own ass better than we do.

Because you got all the detail and all the fears and doubts and insecurities that you personally struggle with. So you ask a question like that, why are they having a great time and I'm suffering? Then your brain has only itself to resource. And it's going to come up with an answer and it's going to pull it from your deepest, darkest fears and insecurities and the doubts that you have within yourself. It really isn't what they're thinking and doing. It's more of you creating the horror picture of what you know to be true within yourself or what you fear is true within, within yourself.

I'm a little unsettled just from how you've opened this. Just let the listener know we are going to have something a little bit better, a little more hopeful. Stay with us, please.

And reassuring to see.

Good Lord. I'm amazed any of us are still around when we have the opportunity to work with a lot of people, that they're going through the version of what Stacy just shared. Honest to God. We have privilege to hear this and work with people. And it's gut wrenching for us to be facilitators with these wonderful souls that are navigating this very, very difficult place. I'd say it's the most difficult place because all three of us have gone through it ourselves. Most difficult place I've ever navigated. It is.

So here's the truth so we can give your brain an answer. The process of change is the same for all of us. And the reason why you're not seeing it exhibited across the bow is because they were in it months or sometimes years prior when they were starting to realize maybe there were some things that wasn't working for them or they were starting to feel conflicted and didn't know how to work through it. And they started those sleepless nights and I can't eat and crying and pulling over on the roadside long before they said, I need space and separation or they moved out.

So that was all held within them. There was no shared.

It all happened, but it wasn't being shared. So come on. If you look back and really take to heart what it is I'm saying, you're going to notice the disengagement. You're going to notice the busting into Tears or the outrage of anger. Anger is very often tears. Just the opposite. Don't forget that.

Oh, and I just want to stack on this because this is something that we as a family and a body of work at. So often we look to our special someone and we assess where we think they are. We have no idea where they are. Never. And all the years we've done this, thousands of people we work with, they're never at the same place of this journey. And so we're basing it on things that we have no idea. And that's why there's additional persecution to ourselves, because, well, they don't seem like Sally's doing fine. No, she's not.

She's just.

She's like nine months ahead. So, number one thing, everyone said, you have no idea what they're doing because you're not getting the intel.

Yep. And the process of change is the same for all of us. It's just the person who's probably asked for space and separation was going through it before they actually asked for space and separation. And that's when they'd finally decided that they were going to make peace with the change. Because I'm going to execute and take action on the change. And then the process begins for the person receiving the news. So we all go through the same process. So that comparison, you know, of them falling apart like you're falling apart. No, it does not mean they don't care and love you. That is not what that means. That means the process for them started long ago. That means that they've made peace with the decision. Just maybe not total peace, but they're definitely along the journey a little further than you are. So they're ready to step back into life to some regard. They're ready to explore new thoughts and experiences when you're just receiving the news that hit them in the middle of the night long ago, that they've had to process and work through themselves. They appear fine because right now they've just got days, months, commonly on the journey ahead of you, but you're going to pass through that way too. So I hope that you can see that as the positive message that it is. Like what they're doing right now is something that you'll be doing in months to come. Right. You're going to find a place to recalibrate yourself as well. And that's a good thing because when we come back together to explore what's possible, you both want to be in a better place. They're not coming to save you, probably as Much as we would love to think that they could, this is commonly a place where you used to reassure me in these dark, challenging places in my life. And now you're not there. There's a void that's very real. And I need to learn how to get myself this. And I want you to know that as a journey, it's going to create and teach you the opportunities that you need to understand and learn for yourself. Relationships are our greatest teachers. There's a reason why it hurts right now, but I need you to also know and understand that even though it hurts right now, you're going to grow through it. And I use that word intentionally, grow through it. And as you grow through it, you're going to understand things about yourself, about your partner, and about your relationship. That component of us that we just don't understand and know right now. And there's no easy way to make this journey. But the journey, if things are going to work to a better outcome, that change is going to serve you both needs to be had. Because to go back to the way things were, you'll never make it. You can't go back to the way things were. We've got to take a journey forward.

I was just going to say, what about if we just want things to go back to exactly the way they were? Of course, that's what your heart wants. You just say, if only they could come home. If only they would just meet me right here where I am. Well, you have to remember that that road is going to lead you exactly back to them or you asking for space because you don't have the tools that you need to that make relationships work. So the lack of tools and the lack of skills is going to lead you right back to this place. And it's probably going to be even worse the next time because you're out of gas even more than you were this time. That's why relationships end well.

And if we're just going to say, just come home, we'll figure this out, let's go back to the way things used to be. What we're really saying is let's just pretend like everything is fine and it will be. We can any of us create a honeymoon moment for a short period of time and we have couples that actually do this, or you think, just come home, let's make this work. I don't know what. I don't know. I'm just going to suck it up and so are you. And we can create a honeymoon moment and a honeymoon weekend. That's life. Changing. And then we think, okay, great, we've got this all handled. All we need to do is live and pretend an illusion for the rest of our relationship. And we're going to be so happy. Don't you bring up any shit. And I won't bring up any shit either, until it ekes out unknowingly, like we can only hold this stuff for so long before we're going to start acting it out. And that's not just you, that's for all of us. That's a principle that applies to all of us. I wish that I could just pretend my way into happiness, but I, I can't. It's catches up to me. I can pull it off for a short period of time, but I can't do it forever. That's why we'll come back together. We'll have a great period of time where everything seems good and then it all blows up again, but better. And when I say better, I say that sarcastically. It's bigger actually, because that old resentment is now surfacing along with a whole bunch of frustration and doubt that's now exacerbated. It's grown in size and shape and scale. And so then we go through this process again. We all know people, if not ourselves, that have done this multiple times.

Well, that's the classic, you know, we have people come to us. We seem to be just going around and around and it's very common.

And so it's important that if we really are going to go in a different direction, what's going to be required of us? The reality is what's going to be required of us is we are going to have to learn some, some relationship principles and skills. We need two parts in order to change our behavior as human beings. We need to understand what's not working. And I'm sure you got a pretty good handle on that. You probably talked about that till you're blue in the face. But the part that we don't have so that we can find success with it is what to do instead. And if we don't know what to do instead, because the difficult emotions, the upsets, the messes are going to be part of our relationship, if we don't know what to do instead of what we have been doing, we will continue to do what it is we know to do, even though we ourselves know it's a non working strategy. Because I don't know what else to do. And so I'll keep going back to it and back to it and back to it again with no Promise of a different tomorrow.

Even if you do know what to do that's different, that's still a step further away from being able to actually do different. Because, you know, a lot of us have read books or watched TikTok videos and we're like, oh, that's what I'm supposed to do when I'm feeling that triggered. But the difference between knowing it and being able to do it, that's a huge jump because you have to remember that you're wanting to change your behavior in the time where you're most triggered, most upset. All your buttons are being pushed, all the things that you're fearing are being presented in front of you, and you're supposed to act in this new way. That's hard. And that's why it takes practice. And where do you practice it if your partner is not talking to you?

Third person?

I mean, I would just say, give yourself, you know, dear listener, give yourself some grace. What Brooke just described is the super bowl of emotional ability and ability to implement. And I'm blessed to live with this woman. That's your hearing and the star of our show. I'm by sword with you, and it's still incredibly challenging. And we have the good fortune to work as a family and help others. It's still hard for me. So give yourself some grace. Number one, how much time have you ever spent and have it ever been demonstrated to you? Most people say, Tom, it's never been demonstrated to me. I think I understand. Most of us don't have a good demonstration of how do we regulate when our every button has been pushed. Like Brooke said, it's never. I've never seen it. Is that really possible? It is with a lot of practice. But understand what, what you're asking yourself to do, like, good gracious, I'm supposed to just be this like, Gandhi type person and walk through fire and not get burnt? Well, maybe, but not without a little bit of rigor. It'd be like, you know, a professional athlete expecting to be professional without ever going through the many years that they did he or she to get there. I mean, I say with great love and respect. I mean, it's possible, but give it the grace and respect it deserves. And there's nothing wrong with you. You just. It's just simply never been presented this way. Oh, my gosh, you're right.

Yeah, well. And we are living in an unprecedented time where we have access to any kind of knowledge and information. So we are all walking around as big talking heads pointing out other people's behavior and what they're doing in or not doing that's incorrect. So we love to label thinking. It solved the problem, but we still don't know how to dance with it. So we're all really good talking heads. But the ability to implement what it is we need to do into our own lives and into our own behavior is still a conversation we don't spend enough time with.

I'm. I think my parents are going to be shocked with what I'm about to say, but I would like to read a Bible verse because.

Wow, okay. We're gonna call her B.B. burky, the Bible Lady.

Cuz I'm not religious, but I do enjoy Jesus's teachings. I'm spiritual, I guess you would say. But I heard this on Tik Tok the other day and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Some people probably already know what I'm going to read, but it's powerful. It's Matthew 7:3:5. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, let me take the speck out of your eye when all the time there is a plank in your own eye, you hypocrite. First take the plank out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

That's damn good.

Exactly what you were just saying, mom too. Like, we are so we can see just the speck of, you know, misbehavior on somebody else when we are a walking, talking, hot mess and we don't even acknowledge the fact that we're behaving that way because it's so easy to do that. You know, that just really hit me.

Like, wow, that's powerful. Yeah.

Ricky will be starting her Bible podcast next week.

Well, it's true. It's so easy for us to pontificate about what others are doing or should be doing, and we walk around as these talking heads. But do we ever stop to ask ourselves, do we have the ability to do what it is I'm asking them to do and do I have the ability to ask for what it is I need as far as support in order to be successful in achieving that so that we could actually work together on going in a new direction? And if I don't know how to do that, it all the blaming and pointing and labeling and the whole wide world isn't going to take us anywhere. It's going to actually take us into a fight as everybody pontificates about what they know and what they don't know and who said it. And, you know, we snap out all of our evidence about where I found it and. And who knows best and all the experiences that we've had in the past, we can spend lifetimes in that conversation. And here's the truth. It doesn't take us anywhere. It takes us into what I lovingly call the city of the. And we build up homes and houses and lives there. And we can't figure out how to make it out of that city into a better place is going to require you to stop being a talking head, pretending like you have all the answers and stop for a moment and reflect within yourself. Can I do the things that I'm asking them to do? Number one? And number two, bravo for you if you can. But understand that what you're asking is a skill that we've already touched on is going to require practice, absolute practice, in order to become better at it, because any skill that we begin for the first time is going to seem exceptionally clunky. This takes me back to a memory when we do live workshops where we lay out a simple skill like say it like this. Just say it like this. And it's new words and it's new frameworks and it's new phrasing. And so then we partner everybody up and we go, 1, 2, 3, go.

And everybody goes, what is it that we supposed to do again?

Why do we. Why do we sing again?

It's amazing.

Like, okay, wait a minute. Can you say that one more time? And they're not complicated words. They're very everyday words. There's. There's nothing big or bold about them. It's not like we're reciting, like, research papers or anything. It's. It's just, hey, can I ask you for Fill in the blank? And it's amazing how we get all bottled up just because it's new. It's different. And I get afraid of doing it wrong or saying it wrong or not nailing it. And it's like, just. Just try. Just. Just go do your best shot at it.

Well, and I think it's, you know, in reflecting back when we do these, which we really enjoy, is giving people opportunity to clearly ask in a way they've never asked before. You know, you're not trying to leverage or manipulate or coercion. And as Stacy says, and I say often, we don't use complicated words, but we do use words in a sequence of which you've probably not used them before. And then it's going to render a very different and much more effective outcome because we're not. There's. There's a way to ask. Yeah. And we're not, you know, hinting we're.

Leaving breadcrumbs or saying, God, you did this last time, but you didn't do it this time. It's very straightforward and it's clearly stating your intentions, which we do not do very often in relationships.

That one makes your armpits sweaty.

Oh, man.

Because there's no backing out of it if you're saying what you need to say and you're laying the dang thing.

On the table and yet not from an accusatory place or blame place. So it really is. It's simple, but not necessarily easy when you're brand new. It's very fair. So Stacy always says, the beautiful thing is we have to ask. Rather than guessing about what's going on. Just ask. Because then we have the intel. Because otherwise we don't have it. We're just purely speculating here. Really are.

And there's a whole host of reasons why asking was taken off the table for us. And there's a whole host of reasons why, as I've already mentioned, it's going to make your armpits a little sweaty and your stomach roll over. But it doesn't mean that that isn't something that we should get better at. It means I need to find some comfortable places with that. And that's just one example of the many places and spaces where we'll often do things that really don't work, but they help us not step into the uncomfortable places and spaces in our relationships? And there's many of them.

Would you say those are just like brief periods where we're coping but don't really lead to a whole lot.

Correct. And. And everybody's trying to not ruffle feathers and do their. I mean. Which is sweetheart piece. Right. I mean, like, we really are all trying to do the very best we know how. I don't want to showcase that I'm a hot mess and you don't want to showcase to me that you're a hot mess. So we're trying to avoid this whole elephant in the room by not saying what we need to say or talk about what we really need to talk about. Then little by little, we start to run out of gas. And the reality is we just don't have the understanding of principles and skills that we need in order to create something different. Remember, I need those two Parts.

So after all that talk, mom too, about why, you know, we feel so alone and our nervous system is spiraling. We don't know if our partner is going to stay with us or go. And they're saying one thing one day and saying another thing the next. Why would I want to come into a program that's full of other people and share all my dirty secrets? Aren't I just supposed to figure that by myself? Like, why do I want to be in a community for that? That seems weird and I know a lot of people are thinking that. And I think it's important that we talk about the uniqueness and the power of being in a community where you are going through something that a lot of other people are going through. Sure, their circumstances may be different, but there's so many shared qualities between all of our participants in the roadmap where they're amazed that other people are experiencing it too. Why what we experience is so special. So slash why it's really necessary to.

Heal in a community we have in this round. Never before have we had this many mentors. And what does that mean? That this is human beings who have actually gone through the roadmap experience and want to come back and provide and offer that experience for those coming behind them. Which just take that in for a minute because it makes me emotional. It's, it's people on their own dime. They're not being paid to do this. It was such a profound, powerful experience for them that they want to pay it forward and help people, people like you through the program because it was such a life giving experience for them and every single one of them. And you'll be able to ask them personally yourself for confirmation. So you don't have to take my word for it right now, but if you'll ask each and every one of them when you're together, sitting with them about what their journey was like when they went through the roadmap would tell you they were terrified of the community. They thought it was ridiculous. They wondered if they were going to be good with it. Maybe they could just get the information and not participate in the community. But then you know what? They found that the community was the most life giving part. And there's a reason for that. In our psychology, we learn best with others. Number two, there is a tremendous amount of reassurance in finding somebody that's on a journey that you are embarking on. Especially when it's a struggle and you realize that you're not so different and you're not so broken and you're not so alone. And that all of these other beautiful humans that you look at, you know, in the little box, and go, oh, you must have it all together. Oh, you. You must never feel like I do. And then there it's revealed that they do. It's an amazing experience. And three, it's amazing to have somebody who's just a little further on the journey that you are traveling now. Say, you got this. Come on, you can do it. I know it's a canyon. I know it's a hike. I know it's going to challenge you, but I've done it, and so can you. Come on, I'm here for you. I'll walk the journey with you. It's that reassuring peace that we can't find on our own in isolation. It's that necessary place and space where somebody walks with you through the darkest, toughest times because they know they're dark and tough, and they mentor you and support you and cheer you on because they know what it is. And all of a sudden, we realize we're all in this together, that the experiences that I've had and that you've had are all very similar. And somehow that takes all of the terrible narratives that we can make up in our own minds about who we are, what we've done, or where we find ourselves. It has this ability to let them all fall away, which is a beautiful thing. And you realize you're just an incredible human being on an incredible journey who attempted to create a relationship and love someone with all of your heart. And so did everybody else. And we.

And we always hope, when we have these groups, I think we've done seven roadmaps now, or six, that we always create the container. And we really hope that the magic will just happen. And it always does, and it always amazes us more than we even thought was going to happen. But very quickly, we find out that all of the members of the roadmap have exchanged phone numbers, because we don't do that. But, you know, they can DM each other, and so they exchange phone numbers, and then they'll tell us on the group calls. Oh, son, SOS isn't going to be here. They're having a rough day. All of us texted them, you know, and sent them a little motivational message to let them know that they weren't alone. Just think about that for a minute. How much would you pay for when you're going through your darkest time, that you don't necessarily have to reach out to your friends or family because Sometimes that can be really hard because they're not going through the same thing that you are. But to have a group of strangers that sometimes become your closest friends that are all going through the same thing together and you can reach out to them, like, we don't have that in our society anymore where we congregate and talk about our deepest, darkest feelings. But that's what the roadmap is like. In four weeks, 30 days, people become very deep friends that are still connected to this day.

Yeah. And, and the reason why we're so touched that we have this amount of mentors that we've never had is, you know, Stacy, Brooke and I, and believe me, we hopefully you realize we have great passion and love for what we do. But to be fair, we can't speak to it because we created the program. But the mentors, they've been through it. So that's why, you know, we've asked each. And now we've got so many people like Stacy said that because they want to pay it forward. So they know, believe me, you're going to hit times in this place of these 30 days. They're like, man, I don't know. And so they're there because they get it. They remember that day, they remember that daily exercise that kicked their ass. And so this is going to be a special, you know, facilitation of this that we've never ever had before. So we really want you to join us. This is not a sales pitch. This is really just to give it great consideration, with great love and respect because the value we know we're offering is unprecedented.

And I just want to speak to that for a moment too. You know, the reason why we created this is what started to show up in my practice is the space and separation conversation. And sure, I can walk you through all the things that I would like to contribute to you in a session based model, one on one. And I realized there was no support for this space in place. And yet it's one of the most gut wrenching places you'll ever find yourself in the relationship journey. And I thought, why is that? Hey team, we need to create something to support people who are going through this very rough time. And I took a leap of faith because I just felt like, you know, when we need a hand, it's better for us to reach out to others. And my mantra that I say over and over and over again, how do we get better at relationships alone? We can't. That's not possible. We need others in order to get better at Relationships, we've got to have other relationships to practice with. And so we created this 30 day roadmap. And the first time we did it, it blew our socks off. Like about the level of connection and commitment and camaraderie that was committed out of the community. And so we doubled down on it. And I think that touches us too. We've watched this group of mentors, people who have gone through the roadmap that want to come back and contribute to others. And it's just growing and becoming better and better and better with each iteration. So much so that in any of our programs you can no longer do them self paced. You don't want to come in and be part of the community, then our work is not for you because that's not what we stand for and that's not what we're about. If you want to get better at relationships, you want to come in and build real, honest to goodness human relationships with other people and yourself, well then that's what we do here at the Better Love Club. That's what we do inside of our container. And so that is a privilege and a get to. And we do everything we can to try and keep the price as reasonable as possible. I don't know how to create it and set it up any better than that. So they're time tested because they've come back to help you through it. So if this conversation is resonating with you and you're finding yourself right now in a space of love and limbo, right, that's a place where maybe today we're going to be together and maybe tomorrow, I don't know. And every day I'm like keeping a scorecard and checking the boxes, trying to decide where I'm standing on the line. And it's a shape shifting, movable equation day in, day out, sometimes by the hour, by hour experience. I want you to know that we are doing a final live round of love and limbo that begins on August 10, 2025. And the doors close August 14, 2025. I want you to know that this isn't just another online program. It's the last time this full spectrum of support will be offered. Live in 2025. Self paced is something that probably won't serve you right now. You need some in depth live version where we can come together, have these conversations and practice. You don't want to miss it. And I want you to know there's only 75 spots that are going to be opened and they're going to fill up fast. So the difference of real time support in real time, with real people is life changing. And we're going to absolutely walk you through this experience of space and separation in this place of relationship limbo, so that however it goes, you will be equipped with exactly what it is. You need, that understanding. We don't let go because we can't understand what it is we need to learn and understand about myself, about love, about you. You're going to be able to walk through those things and arrive at a better place. Regardless of how these things go in your own experience. The roadmap isn't just a course, it's a reset for your nervous system, a container for your grief, and a bridge back to your personal clarity. So don't miss this opportunity again. It's the last one we're gonna do in 2025. And what you can anticipate and look forward to is body based tools that are gonna help you soothe the spirals in real time that we talked about in this podcast episode. They're going to be daily reflections to help you metabolize your emotions. I call it emotional digestion. That's important. All of our emotions have something to teach us. You're going to have grounding rituals to anchor in your own self worth, which you've got to come back to. We have to be able to focus on what it is and where it is you have as a sense of self foundationally before we can ever have success. Co creating with another human being. That's important. And the community spaces where no one asked aren't you over it yet? Is important. Why haven't you moved on yet? Why can't you just get over this? You know they're a fill in the blank. You're not going to hear any of that here. So this is your pause point before the spiral. The moment to step out of reaction and into regulation. And the support that you will have is going to be unprecedented. You're going to realize that you don't walk alone. And so even if the community makes your armpits sweaty, that's what all of them say, I don't know about this community thing. And it turns out it's their favorite part. So just hang on to that. If you're interested, I want you to know again, you can go to loveandlimboroadmap.com you can find all the details.

We've got a special incentive right now, don't we, Brooke? Till the end of the month. What is that?

Until July 31st at midnight, you can use code roadmap50 for $50 off. But after July 31st, that code expires.

Even after that, it's still an incredible value. But take advantage of the code and if you have any questions, please reach out to us. I'd be happy to schedule a call with you and talk to you if you're wondering if this would be a good fit for you.

Community helps us in many, many places and spaces. There is lots of benefits to doing so. Come on, be one of those 75 and claim your space right now. So let's talk about a little bit of all of the fun, shall we? As we land this episode, I want to give you an activity that's going to help you with some of the spiraling. And so I'm going to call this Message in a Bottle.

Message in a bottle that you'll never send.

This is a message in a bottle. And if you want to, you actually can put it in a bottle and put it on your shelf or send it off with love.

Put it in the river.

Put it in the river. You've got a river, an ocean, a lake. Send off a message in a bottle if you choose to. But this is a help help alleviate the emotional pressure valve and to actually reconnect with your own self respect and foundation that I highlighted in the podcast episode is so important. It's a beginning point that we have to reestablish before we can decide where we're going to go with another human being. And here's the thing, you can do this all without needing the other person to validate you or respond to what it is you're sharing and saying. And so I'm going to invite you to grab a pen and note a notepad. You can also use a note app. If you want to speak it, that's totally fine. And I want you to write a message to the person that you're hurting over, but with the intention of never sending it. And I want this message to include what you wish they knew and understood about you, what you miss the most about what used to be, and your favorite memory of the two of you together. And once written, then you need to read it out loud to yourself. This will help your nervous system register your own personal truth and then choose to do what you want with it. You can put it in that bottle we talked about, you can tear it up, you can burn it, you can bury it, or you can tuck it away in an envelope labeled this was part of my healing. Read me a year from now and see the difference. Why this works is you're practicing emotional expression without the entanglement of revealing to someone else, expecting that they're going to agree with you. You don't need anybody to agree with you in this moment. You just need to articulate and remember what it is you already know to be true. This is the kind of thing that brings safety back to your body and that gives your mind the understanding and closure it craves without waiting for someone else to actually give it to you. So try it out. I think it'll be a really great life giving tool for you that you can come back to again and again and again if you need to. Our song for today is a song by Birdie and Rhodes called Let It All Go. It's a beautiful ballad that honors the heartbreak and quiet surrender we walk through as things change in our relationships. You can hear this song on our Spotify playlist at Love Shack Live Playlist or you can go to our website@stacypartley.com we have a song for every single episode that we've ever done because, well, we like music and because sometimes music is worth a thousand words. Hey, thank you so much for being here with us today. If this conversation moved and helped you feel a little more seen or gave you something to think about, please consider sharing it with someone that you care about. That's how this podcast grows from heart to heart, story to story, human to human. And if it's helped you, please also consider leading us a Review we're so grateful and honored to be a part of your relationship journey here at Love Chef. Remember this because it's something we all need to hear more often. Love isn't created by avoiding the hard stuff. It's built by learning how to move through it together. Bye Bye for now.

All right, it's time to leave the Love Shack, but before we part ways, we want you to know our door is always open and we'll leave the porch light on, ready to welcome you back whenever you need a dose of relationship wisdom. For more resources and tools, Visit us at loveshacklive.com to dive deeper into the topics we've explored and find additional support for your relationship journey. Stay connected by subscribing to our podcast.

Thank you.

Thank you for being part of our Love Shack Live community.