#239: Stop Choosing Silence: Skills that Save Relationships Under Pressure

You've told yourself the hurtful behavior patterns the two of you are currently experiencing are not really the problem, that they just work themselves out if you just give it more time. But then, boom, your partner announces that they're moving out. That's the shock of what we call the default option, because no one ever taught us the skills to manage conflict, regulate our emotions, or speak about the things that need to be said in a way that they can actually be heard. Without these abilities, the default options will consistently take over our lives. Waiting, hoping, pretending things aren't as bad as they feel until finally the silence is broken with a healthy dose of reality. That, of course, is going to come with that also. Big, huge punch in the gut, and suddenly you don't know what to do next. It feels like love is slipping away, and we commonly question whether it really existed at all. But I want you to know here, dear listener, love is not the problem. It's the lack of skills and understanding in these key places of relationship that are the problem. Welcome to Love Check Live, the podcast for anyone at a relationship's crossroads. And if you're facing daily conflicts, feeling the emotional gap grow, and longing for a bond that feels genuine and lasting, you have come to the right place. I'm your host, Stacey Bartley, a relationship mentor who's lived and traveled the road personally of space and separation. And I'm joined by my co host and lover, Tom, and her daughter Brooke. Together we bring you lived experience, tools, key principles, and real conversations to help you steady yourself in love and in life. So here's the question for you today. If the default option is silence, waiting, and spiraling, what might change if you chose something different? That's exactly what we're exploring in this episode.

Hey, thank you for coming. Welcome to the Love Shack.

So I first want to begin by talking about what it means, the default option. We use it a lot in our work, and often when we explain this to our private clients, everybody starts nodding their head and goes, oh, yeah, I've been able to see that play out in my life many times. It really begins with an understanding of the invisible impact that happens to our relationships emotionally from the thoughts that we think and the emotions that we feel. And there are two key principles at play here. Number one, we make it up that if I say and do something essentially to avoid the uncomfortable stuff, well, then everything has been okay. If I've shut the conversation down, that's been making my armpits sweaty and it will be okay, it'll be no big deal. It's better that I shut it down than have it wrong.

I feel like that's what a lot of people think boundaries are. Mm. I think they think this is an off limits topic for me. We're not talking about that. And then after they're like, okay, that was good. I really held my boundary there.

You know, I totally agree with you. Sometimes when the conversation of boundaries comes up, I cringe because so often it's used to avoid something that I don't want to talk about that needs to be talked about desperately. And we think that by avoiding it, we've solved all the problems that need to be solved. And if you just wouldn't bring it up again, we're going to be fine without realizing. Oh, it gets brought up up because it's impacting your relationship and at least the partner you're trying to co create in relationship with. So if it keeps coming up, it's going to keep coming up until we address it. The more you shut it down, the more anger, frustration, resentment, feelings and sense of unsafety and betrayal grow on the backside. Just think about that for a minute. We can't see the pile of shit growing in the corner. But I'll tell you what, it's absolutely happening. Just because you can't see it, don't think that it doesn't have impact because it absolutely does. And so we can make it up that it doesn't because we can't see anything and we can justify it with a really great story and then we minimize the impact of it. Do you think that there's no impact from the conversation and all the criticism and belittling and switching around, reshuffling the deck, saying things that are half truths, not saying things at all? You think that doesn't have impact too? Because if you do, you're wrong. It does. It absolutely does. And we stay in these places where we will rationalize what has impact and what doesn't until we can't even talk anymore. And then I make it up that that doesn't have impact either, that we'll just be fine. I'll just hang out here a little longer. Now I get why we stop talking. Because we don't know how to say something that actually takes us on a productive direction. So logically our brains go, well, maybe we should just stop talking. Because I don't know how many more blows in our relationship we got in us. Okay, that makes sense logically. But what we also don't understand is as the conversation gets shut down and we're not Talking about anything other than just the logistics in our life, about bills that need to be paid and kids that need to be dropped off and trash that needs to be taken to the curb. What ends up happening is the emotional connection that we actually had at one point in time in our relationship is atrophying. And that is impact that over time accumulates into a little thing now and a big thing later. And what we often don't realize is that as we go rounds and rounds of living in this illusion that everything is okay, it's only a matter of time before that illusion collides with the reality of what is. And what is is the fact and the truth that even though we've been shutting this down and trying to pretend like it was no big deal for a really long time, it's had impact on how I see you, how I feel around you, where I feel like I can engage with you, and where I can't.

And kabam so said another way, a massive denigration in your behavior. So you're probably not acting in a way that's serving you nor anybody around you. In other words, you're just a pain in the ass to be around.

Fear will begin to dominate our thoughts, and as it does, our behavior will follow. Together, we either have the skills to express what we are experiencing in the invisible so that we can realign with the reality of what is, or we will act out our fears, which then will create not just one, but often several default options, and this will continue to escalate. Cycles of fighting will escalate. Default options will continue to collide with the reality of what is. And as it does again and again and again, it creates an insufferable hell on earth experience. So default yes equals waiting, hoping, reacting, acting out. We're in survival mode and we can justify it and spin the story however we want to, but real impact is happening in regards to the invisible experience between us. There's no way around that. Behaviors that feed the default option are avoiding and chasing and begging and exploding and shutting down. And then we make it up that we've really accomplished something. Or as Brooke said, we've really held a boundary. Good job for me. Score one for the team. Now, I really want to normalize this because what we're talking about here too is very normal. If you've been doing these things, it doesn't mean you're broken. It means you don't know what to do now. You don't know what you don't know as a human being. And Very often what we do in our human relationships is we act out what we've seen demonstrated to us. Because there is no place where you go and study relationships and learn the principles of the unseen or the intangible that has great impact in our lives in this space we call co creation. Like there's not going to be a more emotional, invisible set of experiences that you're going to have as a human being in relationship both with yourself and with others. And if we don't understand how that operates, then we're going to discount it and make up all kinds of crazy things that don't have impact, only to find out that it has enormous impact. Another one of my favorite examples of this is will pursue like the money. And by the way, I love money, I enjoy money. This isn't an anti campaign for money and it's certainly not a campaign that love will fix all. But what I'm trying to impress is as we pursue what we think is going to make our life good. Money is usually first. Health and fitness is second. The idea that I can be a certain size or weight, I can do certain physical things, then my life will work out, or if I have this much money in the bank or I own these things, then my life is going to work out. And I'll sacrifice very often the relationship with myself, my partner and my kids in order to pursue the first two without realizing that the foundation of it all is the relationship that I have with myself and the relationship that I have with my partner and the relationship that I have with my kids. And if that thing goes belly up, it's going to impact my health mentally, physically, it's definitely going to impact my bank account and it's going to impact every facet and corner of my life. And yet it will be the invisible parts and relationships with myself and others that I give the least amount of attention and study and intention to. That is true for the majority of us. So we don't know what it is. We don't know until kablam. Oh, now you're going to know. Now you're going to know that this is big. So rather than start to point fingers and panic that it's all over, I want you to realize this is a great opportunity for you to learn.

Well, we say it often, you know, I mean, it's no different than if you weren't paying attention to your health and then all of a sudden you receive a pretty intense diagnosis that things aren't going. We hear from those that have traveled that journey and sometimes Say, I'm grateful that happened because it allowed me to recalibrate, you know, and now make my health. And, and this is really what we're saying. It doesn't have to be this way in your relationship. But if you're navigating space and separation, which is a big part of the type of people that we have the pleasure to serve, we're saying, like, look, use this as a wake up to now. Invest some time, the currency of commitment, time, money, study, focus, into becoming a better version of you. However this goes, take advantage of the opportunity because quite frankly, you probably wouldn't be listening to us if you weren't going through it. And that's okay, but let's just call it like it is. Use an opportunity to give it to this time to yourself and join us in the roadmap.

I would say that a lack of skills makes you a pro at living in pretend and illusion, because you simply don't know that there's another way to get through this. Because like we've said a couple times so far, you don't know what you don't know. The good news is that the reason that you're in space and separation is not because you suck or because you're a terrible person. It's because you're missing skills. The fact that your partner asks you for space is the proof that you guys are missing the skills you need to make your relationship good. It's not because they're terrible or you're terrible. The good news is that you just don't know the skills. So I wish people would take that as like, oh, wow, that's good news in this sucky situation. And then stop wallowing in this experience where you're being literally tortured every single day and do something about it. Signing up for the roadmap or getting a counselor, whatever you choose to do, the longer you wait and hang out in here and roll around, all the pain and discomfort, it gives you less of a chance of surviving this. That would be our biggest advice, is stop doing that. Stop waiting for something to come along and save you. Because we have the life raft right here. You just have to get on it.

You guys are making me think of Mark and Maggie. They began, as most couples do, wrapped in that wonderful magic blanket that we all love. When relationships are new and fresh and finding the one, they made promises to each other. They both wanted to raise children, live in a quiet countryside, and travel the world. After they had gotten their kids raised, they even recalled saying, oh, I found my soulmate. They'd look at each other and go, oh, I think we found our soulmate. Off they went about co creating. In the first two years, life felt really good. Sure, there were spats that came and went and apologies and tender reconnections that kept connection flowing. But then when their first child was born, they began to really struggle. And in that struggle, Mark felt like no matter what he did, it was wrong. Whether it was soothing the baby, loading the dishwasher, or trying to express his own emotions, he always felt like it was criticized, belittled, ignored, or shut down. And Maggie started to struggle too. She felt very abandoned. And though she was carrying the weight of everything, silently wishing that Mark could just know what she needed. And she got frustrated that she had to ask and she had to disclose and she had to share, until their conversations shrank into the logistics of bills and chores and the baby. And of course, their intimacy then started to dwindle as well. This is that emotional impact we talked about earlier, from twice a week to once every couple of months. And the bottom line is they each felt profoundly alone, even while laying side by side every night. Maggie would go out a lot, spend time, get the kids together. And she also spent a lot of time on social media to fill the emptiness that she was feeling. And Mark discovered counter strike, where at least he could win, belong to a team and feel good at something. And the more he retreated into his computer, the more Maggie's resentment grew and she became sharper and more passive aggressive. And when she did, he started to withdraw further. Until one night, Maggie exploded with an accusation. You've been having an affair. You must be. You're on that computer every night. It's like I don't even exist and we don't have sex anymore. And Mark, it shattered him, it absolutely shattered him to think that his partner, his soulmate, the one that he was co creating life with, would think anything like that, that he would even go there or consider such things. And he was devastated. He felt like he was truly unknown and unseen in the relationship. And the next day he said, I'm staying in an Airbnb for a while because I too haven't been happy in a long time. I don't feel like you even know me, let alone love me. And maybe you never did. Which then shattered Maggie. Like, Maggie's heart is now busted and they're all spiraling in this default option. And that's the default option. And what it looks like neither had chosen this outcome deliberately, you know, but by not making different choices along the way, they arrived here. That's the default option. So a default option is the option that is chosen when we refuse to acquire the skills to talk about the things that are not working in our relationships. We simply keep acting out, keep teaching, preaching, begging, you know, checking in, checking out and distracting ourselves. No one that I know of ever wakes up and says, hey, I want my marriage to crumble. That's what I'm after. That's what I'm pursuing. I quite the opposite. But without understanding skills and the effort that needs to be applied into the communication around the things that matter, without learning new skills, the relationship will eventually collapse by default. And it doesn't matter if we don't like that truth. It is the principle that we all must embrace and live with. So the alternative for this. Remember, Mark often felt like he couldn't get it right. And Maggie felt like she was doing everything alone. Who was right and who was wrong? Nobody.

There is nobody right or wrong. I think one of the saddest thing I know you're going to finish your story. I just want to say one thing. The saddest part about situations like this that are, by the way, not rare, this is such a common story, is that both of them were living these parallel lives, feeling so much pain and so much hurt and so much betrayal, but they never really shared it. They never really talked about what was really true for the both of them. And they both were making up these crazy stories in their minds that weren't true about what the other person was feeling. They were attributing so much harm and malice to the way that their partner was acting, but it was truly because each person felt like they were being so misunderstood. So then that's how they were showing up when if they just could have had some of these skills that we keep talking about, these elusive skills, they could have mended. They could have come back together. They could have shared how they were really feeling in a way that could be heard. But for so many couples all around the world, this is how they live. They live in these separate little cocoons of discontentment and anger and feeling slighted and feeling misunderstood. And then it slowly leads them to the death of their relationship when there's so much that could be done to save it, but they just don't know well.

And thankfully, this cute little couple has a happy ending because they decided to get some help and support instead of waiting. And they felt the disconnection and they knew they needed help. And so they became brave and courageous to raise their hand and just See if they could find somebody to help them. And so here's what happened after the default happened to them. They started to choose something to interrupt the inevitable default option. A few days later, after their first session, Maggie made a particularly sharp comment about the dishwasher not being loaded correctly. And for hell sakes, when are you going to get it right? Mark noticed his tightness in his chest and his jaw clenching. And instead of firing back or shutting down, he took a big breath and he stepped outside. He remembered, regulate first. Calm your mind and calm your body before you say anything. And that's a principle. Like, you've got to calm your first, because if you don't, you're going to react to what's being said. That's easy. Checking yourself, going for a walk, catching yourself, that takes regulation, that takes effort. You want to just lose your shit, it's the easiest thing in the world. You want to catch yourself, okay, now you're doing an emotional push up. And that's exactly what he did. So as he walked around the block, he started to calm down and he let his nervous system settle. And by the time he came back into the house, he was able to say, not perfectly, but vulnerably, I feel like I can't do anything right lately, and I want to be helpful, but I need you to tell me what would actually feel helpful to you. Because right now all I feel is being criticized that you don't want me around. Which is ironic because that's the last thing Maggie wanted, really. In the end, she wanted him to participate more, not less. But she didn't understand the way she was presenting the information caused him to feel like she didn't want him around at all. Or at least that's how he was taking it. And that one little thing right there was enough that Maggie could catch herself, too. She was learning how to catch herself and listen better without taking things so personally. So instead of letting her resentment spiral into criticism, she paused, closed her eyes, put her hand over her heart, and named what was underneath her anger. And here's what it was. I'm scared. I'm scared of being a bad mom, and I'm doing it all wrong to take care of and adjust to this new baby that we have in our house. It causes me to feel overwhelmed. I feel like I have to do it alone and I. I don't want to do this by myself. And I feel like every time I reach for you, you're not there. And nothing changed in this situation, in this circumstance of sharing, but literally in the invisible. It changed everything because the space between them shifted and the fight dissolved. As they both could now see with understanding the reality of of what is. Nobody was maliciously attempting to take advantage or hurt each other. They were simply tired parents learning how to co create together now that this new little being was introduced into their life and they had new fears and insecurities and were feeling very challenged as new parents. And so skills, they give you new choices. They help and support us in starting and practicing doable things like yeah, checking in with yourself, regulating yourself first, pausing before speaking, calming down your nervous systems. They give you the ability to share instead of fight. Translating your thoughts and feelings into words that you can understand first before you open your mouth. Because if you can't do that, there's no sharing that can happen. You're going to just be attacking and blaming instead and reaching for each other. Like giving each other an assumption that I don't believe you're maliciously trying to hurt me or take advantage of me. And instead look for places of appreciation. And reassurance is everything. And again, that takes effort. If I just don't want to do anything, well then you're going to get the default option. I've got to be willing to reach for you even when it's uncomfortable and you can reach back for me as well in those places and spaces of reassurance and appreciation. And as you can see, none of these are things that we commonly do when conflict happens because they're learned and they're practiced skills that interrupted the inevitable default option between this couple. And it can happen for you too. These tiny deliberate steps that shift the course of their relationship from being in default to one that can be rebuilt with emotional strength and bonding once again is possible. But it's going to require us to scale up. Here's the thing. Waiting ensures that you will experience the default option every day on autopilot adds more nights of spinning, more fear, more loneliness, more misunderstandings, more emotional escalation which will also lead to more acting out for everyone. We've even built our 30 day roadmap enrollment this round to reflect this exact truth. Every day you wait, you're paying in something. Your peace, your dignity, your sleep, your money on therapists, TikTok rabbit holes or takeout to numb the pain. The roadmap costs less than what you'll spend this month trying to patch yourself back together and it actually works. And we've priced our upcoming roadmap with action reward pricing, encouraging you to choose yourself sooner and actually save More. When you enroll early, you don't just lock in a lower rate, you actually unlock the instant access bonus library. This will allow you to start steadying yourself today while you count down to the live start. You'll also be able to ask your questions privately via DM to myself, Tom and Brooke, all three of us. And starting today through September 17th, you can step into the roadmap for only $197. Every two weeks from now, the price will increase week by week. That ultimately leads to the final pricing of 397 that will happen on October 19th. So you see, the earlier you jump in, the more money you save. But really what we're trying to do is get you started in creating a steady space. Because again, the longer you wait, the more expensive it is. Not just in dollars, but also an emotional impact on yourself, your partner and your relationship. So that's why when you join now and don't wait until October 19th, you'll get the while you wait starter kit immediately with a 30 day audio challenge, meditations, coping tools and journaling prompts so you can begin studying yourself. Right now, you can't control whether your partner comes back tomorrow, but you can choose not to allow the default option to dictate what happens next in your life. And wait, there's more. You can earn your money back. Yes, you heard it right. If you show up and do the work for 30 days, not only will you change your life, you'll also get your full investment back as credit towards your next steps. Working with us. I know, it's unbelievable. But listen, we're trying to do everything we can to get you to step in and choose yourself so you can't lose. The only way you can lose is to not show up at all. Remember, relationships are skills. Learn them. Practice them, master them. Look forward to seeing you on the inside.

Everyone listening will realize that this pricing plan is a new thing that we're introducing. So I just wanted to ask my parents, why did you guys decide that this tiered pricing strategy would be something that we would test out for the roadmap? I personally think it makes perfect sense. It goes perfectly with the message that we're trying to inspire people to take action now, to choose themselves now, to invest in themselves now. But why did you guys design it?

We designed it with the idea that we're trying to do everything we can think of to motivate you to take action now. Because what we tend to do in spaces as a human being where we're in fear, is we don't Take action until we absolutely have to. And the longer you don't take action, the more you hang out in that default option that we've talked about in this episode. And here's the thing, the hanging out there is actually breaking down the very thing you're saying you want to turn around and save. And so the longer we wait, the worse it gets and the more likely it is that we won't be able to save it. So knowing that I'm trying to create everything I possibly can to get you to start now, take action now. Create some structure now. Skill up now. Improve the conversations and how you show up in your relationship now. Because if not, then we're going to act out, which means I'm going to show up in and I'm either going to be that texting you at 3am trying to get pushy, beg, plead, trying to enroll you to save this thing, or I'm going to try and avoid it, not have the conversations because I don't know how to have them with any kind of skill anyway. We just wait and wait and wait. So we came up with this tiered pricing in hopes that along the way, jump in wherever you're receiving this message because the sooner you do, the better off you are going to be. You're going to feel the better off and the more chances you have of actually accomplishing what it is I know you desire to happen right now in this moment.

Well, and we talk a lot about this as a family as well. I mean, we're not just asking you to enroll now. Just hang out till October 19. No, not at all. Very strategically designed resources. Once you enroll and sign a confidentiality agreement, you'll be inside of our portal. If you're in the sporting world, think about training camp. Professional athletes go to training camp every single year before the regular season starts, right? Why do they do that? Because they're getting themselves prepared to have a very successful season. Not only are there tremendous and strategic resources that we've designed carefully, you also have the ability to direct message us a question. You've got I don't know how many weeks now between October 19th weeks. You guys are trying to say, if I were to direct message you a question, you guys would answer it. That's exactly what I'm saying. So get in there before there's too many people in there. Have Tom, Stacy and Brooke, like, are you kidding me? For all this, you get six more weeks of us for the same reduced $200 off? I don't know. But it's because we've all three have been in this place. I've never waited longer in my life to take action since limbo it is. So we're doing everything we can with great love and respect and sacrificing, you know, dol, which most of us do respond to dollars. Okay. But there's a lot of things in the portal now ready for you. It's your preseason, your training camp, if you have a sports analogy and that get in and have training camp. So the more prepared you are, the more success you're going to have when the roadmap starts.

You also can other people will, I'm sure, join early too and you would have the chance to connect with the community and introduce yourself and chat in there as well. So one of the things that a lot of our roadmappers talk about is how the community really intimidated them because they're like, o oh God, how am I going to talk to people? I don't know about space and separation, but it ends up being people's favorite parts. They create friendships they never would have made otherwise. They are able to be really understood in an online community of people who are going through this, a similar situation that they are. Where else do you get to be in a group with other people whose partner has asked for space? Anywhere else, Nowhere else. You know what I mean is just not. That's not something that exists unless maybe you go on Reddit or something. But it's a confidential space. It's not on social media, so it's completely private. It's a really special experience that we want more people to be able to experience and that's why we've created this.

So you're going to be able to reframe, default and hoping that things will just work out. You're going to be deliberate in showing up for yourself. These very simple, doable things will bring you everything you're hoping for. Steadiness, peace of mind, skills, the ability to say what you need to say, confidence when you reach out and engage, confidence that you're choosing, talk about the things that matter most with your partner. Creating yourself some structure around being successful here and rebuilding trust. Like all of the things that we need to support and help you do. When you do them and you show up for yourself, we're going to give you a credit on that towards other places that you can go so that your journey doesn't stop. It continues. Your journey in regards to understanding yourself, becoming masterful at relationship continues. And we're going to give you a chance to win all Your money back. So here's the closing takeaway. The default option isn't your only option. You can choose differently right now. And I'm going to encourage you to join the roadmap app for just 197 and get your starter kit instantly and know that if you finish your next is already paid for. I don't know how much better I can make it for you. I'm trying to do everything I possibly can to help you along in this. This experience has changed lives. So much so that we have many people coming back to support you in this round. More so probably than we need for sure. More that we need. But they all want the experience of supporting somebody else coming behind through it. It's a life changing experience and I'm not just saying that. I want you to come and experience it for yourself. Love is a skill. Learn them, practice them, master them. Because we'll change your life if you do. So let's have a little bit of fun and I'm going to call this the default flipped interrupt. Because here's the thing, the default option will keep us in patterns that we know don't work. We also don't know what to do instead. So I thought I would throw in a little bit of humor here and we can play around with our little default patterns. The first thing that I'm going to invite you to do is name your default. And that's write down one thing that you tend to do when you're upset or disconnected. You know, examples. Slam covered doors. Doom. Scroll on your phone. Say passive aggressive comments. Dive into, you know, work or into the computer. Okay, what is that thing for you? I tend to probably stomp around, go quiet. What do you do?

I don't know. If you go quiet, I would say no, you're more of a control taker. I think I'm more of a quiet person.

You know, you get tired of listening to me, you get a little pushy, perky. What do you do?

I would say I'm kind of like dad, I'll go quiet. But also I'm a combo of you. I stomp around. Like, I'll slam some cabinets, I'll stomp around, but I'll be quiet with my mouth, you know, because I want someone to come be like, are you okay? What's wrong? Tell me, you know, tell me about it.

Exactly. So here's where the humorous part comes into play. I want you to exaggerate this. Blow it into something like over the top, silly. For example, if you usually sigh, make a Giant cartoon sigh, you know, with like, your arms flailing and just really exaggerated. Brookie, you could start, like playing with the cupboard doors, you know, like tap out a Sound of Music or something. You know, maybe get out the potato masher or something and start banging it on the counter and singing along at the top of your lungs while you do it. If you usually withdraw, wrap yourself in a blanket burrito style and roll around on the floor for a minute or across your bed or hang your head over the edge. If we can exaggerate it and bring in some humor, then all of a sudden this default option doesn't just continue to escalate and escalate and escalate in us. So you gotta exaggerate it, though. Find something silly that makes you laugh. And so if you get sharp, switch to a pirate accent, you know, in your complaints, I may D And then I want you to practice the swap. So the next time that you notice yourself slipping into that default, pause for a minute and do your silly, exaggerated version instead. Even just once, because you're going to notice a shift afterwards. Did your body feel lighter? Did you feel more empowered? Did laughter or movement break this ever gripping hook around you? Did I remember I have more choices than just my old default settings. I hope so, because that's the point. When you flip your default into something ridiculous, you loosen its grip and you stop the emotional escalation for yourself. Essentially, you're reminding yourself that you have other options to choose. And often that tiny little moment of levity is enough to create a totally new experience and path forward. If we can have a moment of humor, then sometimes we can get off the intensity of the moment itself. And may I remind you, emotions, unless we feed them, only last 90 seconds, unless we start obsessing on them. So this is just a way to kind of interrupt those things that we tend to like feed and feed and feed and feed. Our song for this episode is a song that, quite frankly, I used to listen to a lot when I needed to get going, when I was stuck in traps of anxiety and worry and I couldn't seem to get the ball moving. And so, because today and our conversation has been all about, like, ways to understand and note when it is we are accepting a default option and that there are so many other choices that we can make along the way, I thought I would pull this oldie but goodie out. And this is tub thumping by Chubbawamba. Wamba. Chumba. I don't even know how to say their name. Yeah, but I can tell you the words to this song because I listened to it on loop. I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down. There you go. I couldn't tell you any other words. A vodka drink, you drink a nothing but the good times or something. But yes, I like we can get knocked down. We can make messes in our lives. We can make mistakes. We can experience default options. But here's the thing I want to remind you, just because you made a mess doesn't mean it's failure. It's part of the process. And even if you are right now experiencing a default option in your life, it's not the end. It's actually a huge opportunity. You can listen to this week's song and our entire playlist by going to our website podcast page or search it up on Spotify Love Shack Live playlist. So once again, listener, thank you so much for being here with us today. If this conversation moved you, helped you feel a little more seen, or gave you something to think about, please consider sharing it with someone you care about. That's how this podcast grows, from heart to heart, story to story, human to human. And if it's helped you personally, please also consider leaving us a review. We're so grateful and honored to be a part of your relationship journey. Remember this because it's something we all need to hear more often. Love isn't built by avoiding the hard stuff. It's built by learning how to move through it together with better skills. We'll see you next time.

All right, it's time to leave the love shack, but before we part ways, we want you to know our door is always open and we'll leave the porch light on. Ready to welcome you back whenever you need a dose of relationship wisdom. For more resources and tools, Visit us at loveshacklive.com to dive deeper into the topics we've explored and find additional support for your relationship journey. Stay connected by subscribing to our podcast. Thank you for being part of our Love Shack Live community.