#25: Comedy, Mental Health & Relationships...What Do They Have In Common?

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Love Shack.

Hey, welcome to the Love Shack. A little old place where we get to get together and explore fresh perspectives, eavesdrop on juicy conversations and uncover mysteries that nobody talks about, but absolutely influences our relationships. If you are struggling in your marriage, just starting out in a new relationship, or are single and looking to do better next time, this is the show for you. My name is Stacey Bartley and I am here with my co host and lover, Tom. Together for the past decade, we've been teaching and loving on people from around the world with the sole purpose of helping individuals and couples to love more and fear less in their relationships, both with themselves and others.

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Yes. And today we have a wonderful guest, Maggie Newcomb. She's going to talk to us about the crossroads and intersection of comedy, mental health and relationship.

Is that an April Fool's joke?

Yeah, I know it is. April Fools. And what do they all have in common? Oh my gosh. Well, it is April Fool's Day and believe it or not, if we don't learn how to laugh about this relationship, gig and life itself, we're going to cry a whole lot. With the current state of the world taking a toll on our mental health any anyway, right, let's be honest, we're not all feeling all that stable. This day of joking has arrived in our opinion, just in the nick of time to help us remember that it's okay to laugh even when things are tough. And Maggie is going to step in. She's a speaker, she's a comedian, writer, mental health advocate, and after years of performing standup comedy, Maggie now uses humor to speak about the honesty of mental illness and which by the way, she wrote a book about called Chocolate Pudding in Heaven. She also draws on her experiences in adult education when giving speeches and training to bring a new perspective on mental health and follow up with her passion of reducing the stigma of mental illness. We hope that you'll stay with us for this life changing conversation and of course we honor and dedicate the show to April Fool's Day. So what could be more perfect than having this conversation? And if you're wondering if this is a joke. No, no, no. It's not a joke.

It's.

It's Love Shack Live, people. We'll be right back.

Ready to learn the most important thing you can do to revitalize your relationship today? Go to stacybartly.com fairydust staceybartly.com fairydust this is the number one thing Stacy teaches her VIP clients that has the power to improve the health of your relationship.

Today.

Learn how sprinkling a little fairy dust in your relationship can stop arguments in their tracks. Rekindle your spark and take your difficult conversations from the struggle bus to to easy street.

Are you tired of sitting on a couple's counselor's couch and feeling like you're just rehashing the past and making no progress? Do you feel like you're holding on to your relationship but panicked you're losing your partner? It's time to learn how to deepen your connection. Finally resolve the arguments that keep coming up. Understand yourself and your partner and create the level of intimacy you've been dreaming of. It's time for love to tingle your toes again. Schedule your private session with relationship expert stacey bartley@staceybartley.com checkup. Do you feel like your love life is on life support? It's time for a turbocharged relationship resuscitation with an alternative to marriage counseling. Head over to stacybartley.com to learn more about their proprietary programs their clients use to save their relationships. S T A C I B A R t l e y.com Visit staceybartley.com today. Get your daily dose of Variety Alternative Talk 1150.

Welcome back to Love Shack Live. We are your host, Tom and Stacey Bartley. Today it is April Fools. If you're catching us live or if you're catching us on the replay. All good. And we have a very talented lady when we have these incredible guests. Honey, I feel like, gosh, what have I been doing in my time? We have an incredible woman, Maggie Newcomers with us. She's just a lady extraordinaire. How about that? So share with us. What are we looking at and why do we have a comedian and a very talented woman here converging with us on April Fools? And that's not to be clever or to be sarcastic. There's really some strategic as to why we're doing this.

Yeah, we're going to be talking about comedy, mental health and relationships and the intersection in regards to where they all Come together.

People are saying we have lost our marvel.

I know, it's true. But it's April Fool's Day. It's good. It's a good time to lose your mind. We're going to be jumping into how Maggie navigates the two worlds of comedy and mental illness. Right. And yes, she knows how. How Maggie's relationship with her husband affects her comedy career. Affected her comedy career. We're going to talk with Maggie about how comedy and humor can be a huge tool that can help to improve our relationships. And she's going to share with us together how we can help and understand and support people who are healing if by chance you find yourself or someone that you love struggling with a mental health issue, illness. So why don't we cut to the chase here and bring Maggie in, huh? We're talking about how wonderful it is and how we're excited.

We are.

Maybe we should introduce her and let her come on in. Right. There she is. I mean, and the thing that I, that strikes me about Maggie before I formally give the introduction is from the first moment that I met Maggie, it was her brilliant smile and essence that lit up the room. And so, gosh, I am so excited to have her share with you guys. Maggie comes from. She's a speaker currently, she's a comedian. She's a writer and mental health advocate that promotes mental health awareness, which is so huge and needed right now. She got her start in public speed speaking, doing stand up comedy, believe it or not. She was the winner of the Battle of the Bay comedy competition hosted in San Jose improv, and a semifinalist in the California's Funniest Female competition. Now the whole smile, light up a room kind of thing makes sense, right? She's worked major comedy clubs, corporate events and charity functions, including opening for the industry's best comedians. Maggie is also a member of the Stop Stigma Sacramento Speakers Bureau, an organization that aims to reduce stigma and discrimination associated with mental health. And is that a passion of mine as well? She's written about her own recovery from mental illness in her book Chocolate Pudding in Heaven. The Intriguing Journey of My Bipolar Mind. And Maggie, I don't know if I've shared this with you, but that really strikes home to me because I have a daughter that I love and adore that struggles with bipolar as well. Maggie also has a Master in Adult Education from the San Francisco State University as well as a BA From UC Davis and is currently working on an assistant director at a nonprofit in healthcare education. Now, I see what you said.

You know, ladies and gentlemen, what have you been doing in your spare time?

Maggie, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for being willing to share expertise in adult education and comedy as well, but to also give us some tips and tricks on regards to how we can support ourselves as well as our lovers in this important topic of mental health. Especially right now, with all that we're navigating. Sometimes we think, oh, I don't have a mental health challenge. I just want to say to our listeners, as a human being, we all have a mental health challenge at some point in time. I wish we could pass those remedies around like we do. Cold remedies, like, you know, you. I got this really great toddy, and you boil the tea and you add a little rum and a little squirt of lemon juice and some honey, and bam. Boy, do I feel better. You know, I wish that we could do that with. I'm feeling really down today, or I'm really struggling with, you know, the circumstance or situation in my life. So let's jump in. And you are a comedian, and yet you talk about some serious subjects like mental illness. Right. How do you navigate these two worlds? That's the first thing I bet our listeners are asking, like, man, I mean, how did you have such a challenging experience and merge and step into comedy? Tell us about that a little bit.

Hey, well, first, thank you guys so much for having me. I'm honored to be on your show. And I'm blushing with that introduction. I want to. I'm glad this is being taped because I'm going to play it before every meeting at work. Okay, everybody, here I come. Or at least just play it for my husband. Every time we get in a fight.

I mean, somebody thinks I'm amazing.

This is what they're saying. So we should probably listen to them. Yeah. So thank you guys so much for having me. I'm such a fan of your show. And, yeah, mental illness is such a heavy topic. And I think just because we really don't talk about it enough, as you were saying, it's like something that's. There's so much stigma. And for me, I don't know if you've heard that expression, it's. Comedy is pain plus time. And so for me, I've been able to navigate it because I was diagnosed 27 years ago. I was zero years old. No, I was 16. I was 16 years old. And that's when I was first hospitalized with bipolar disorder, manic episode and psychosis. And because I was so fortunate to have access to treatment and a family that supported me, and I was able to get the treatment that I needed so that I could, you know, continue the life I chose. And so I think having the time to process the illness, to work on it, find treatment that works for me and kind of accept it has allowed me then to kind of be able to talk about it more, because this didn't come easily. You know, it's. It's took. It took me maybe a good 15, 20 years before I could even talk about it in front of people. And so I think that when we're able to talk about it and accept it, then we're able to get some perspective, to have a little bit of humor. And my humor. I don't ever make fun of mental illness. I don't ever. That's nothing that I want to get that out of me. I would never do that. But what I do is, like you said, I kind of make fun of, like, the human condition. And I think it's just. It's really hard just to be a person sometimes. And I think, like you said, everybody is struggling with some mental health challenge at some time in their life. You're going to. Everybody's going to, or whatever difficulty they face. I don't. I think it's just for those of us living with a mental illness. And so once I was able to get to a stable place, then I'm able to talk about it in kind of a more lighter way because it's so heavy, the topic that makes people not want to talk about it. So if I can just kind of like lighten it up a little bit, then that opens the door to people to be like, okay, well, now we can talk about it. Because if we can't talk about it, then we can't find solutions. And so it's kind of like a navigating kind of both worlds.

I love that you said that. There's two thoughts that come to mind. The first one is a quote that says the shortest distance between connecting two souls is humor, which is so true. Right? We can. We can find a bff. We can find a better connection and inroad to ourselves. We can fall immediately in love if somebody makes us laugh. We can be in the middle of a fight, and if we can find something funny about it, it shuts it down. There's just so many great examples in our lives. When you stop and think about it, about how humor really blesses us and it is a journey and are inroads that we often overlook, especially when things are escalating Right. And we're going through a difficult time. The second thing that I love about what you've done is the courage to talk about it. And that's really, I think, where transformation begins, isn't it? Where when I can finally feel like I don't have to keep this a secret or in the closet anymore. Whether I am struggling in a relationship or I'm struggling with myself, my own relationship, or I'm struggling with a mental health challenge, if we can open the door and find the courage to actually talk about it, it tends to be a game changer for us. Like, we find all these other people that are like, you too.

Oh.

No way.

Right. And that's why I have the saying, I wish we could pass, you know, our mental health challenges around, like, a cold remedy, because then we would realize everybody is challenged with those types of things.

Yeah. Mental health. And, Maggie, we're connected with you through my brother, and so it has a special place in our heart. So it just seems to have such a special category that, you know, requires the safety. And I acknowledge you because with humor, that seems to be this kind of universal balm, perhaps, that allows people to. Okay, you know, we can bring some appropriate. Like you shared. Thank you. Appropriate humor, Really? I just sense it's like everyone can take a breath, you know, and be able to share this. Unbelievably challenging. And I only know that because of, you know, being with my brother, how this. How this goes for people that have this. We can't even half imagine what is being processed by, you know, those of us that have had this challenge.

I love in your book, Chocolate Pudding from Heaven. By the way, I have got to ask you, before we dive into the book, how did you come up with the title? Like, a little bit about where that came from and your experience?

The title came to me, and it wouldn't go away. I don't know if you guys have ever had those creative moments where it just comes to you. And so I'm not really giving anything away, but my. My Last manic episode, 17 years ago, I was hospitalized. And when you're manic, you know, sometimes you see things, you feel things that are different, things are more vibrant, things are more exciting depending on the mania. It's different for everybody, but for me, food tasted different. And so when I was in the mental hospital, they gave us this, like, IM pudding cups. And when in my mania and in my psychosis, I was like, this is the most amazing moment of my life, eating this chocolate pudding in a mental hospital, because I didn't really think that I was in a mental hospital. And so that's kind of where it came from. It was like I was eating chocolate pudding, pudding in heaven in my mind at that time. And so I find that just to be such an interesting. I find our brains to be so fascinating. And so I wanted to kind of put that there. And I also just love chocolate. And so the good news from my book, I'll tell. I do come out of it and stuff, but I just love that image. It kind of shows how interesting our brains can get and the places that it can take us.

Well, and in a chapter in your book, you talk about being in psychosis. I can't remember the exact title for the chapter, but it's basically being in psychosis. Dash, letdown, you know, tell us a little bit about that. I think that's really important for people especially who are maybe supporting somebody from a bipolar manic episode. You know, what is that journey like for you when you go from a place of psychosis eating chocolate pudding in heaven? I mean, heaven. Heaven sakes, who doesn't want that? I want to go to heaven and eat chocolate pudding.

Right.

And feel like the world is a great place and my life is perfect and everything as well. Talk to us a little bit bit about that chapter, if you would.

Well, thanks for. Thanks for asking me about that, because psychosis is something that we really don't talk about very much. I think it's now becoming appropriate to talk about anxiety, talk about depression. But psychosis is kind of this next level that's very challenging. And a lot of it just has to do with the stigma of the word. You know, I'm. Well, psycho the movie. People will forever associate that with somebody who is dangerous or, you know, violent. And that's just not the case. Psychosis just means that somebody is not in reality. And so it's really important for me to get that message out there. That doesn't mean that person is dangerous or anything. It just means they're not functioning in reality. And so what can happen? A lot of times, not. Not everybody with bipolar disorder gets this, but when someone becomes manic, it can become so extreme that they. Then it becomes psychosis. And that's what happened to me, is that then when the mania is untreated, it kind of spirals, and then it goes into psychosis where you're just not really in reality. Like, I like my friends, they were like, your physical body was there, Maggie, but mentally you were not there. And so for me, mania started in fun way, like, can happen to a lot of people, where I just thought I was experiencing enlightenment, that I just had all these magical powers. And it was so exciting because it's like, you feel it, like it's real. It's not like, oh, I think this is happening. You're like, oh, I know this is happening. And every fiber in your being is telling you that you're in this magical place. And then when you get treatment, or for me, it was the medication. They finally found the right meds. I started slowly coming out of it, and it's really hard. You're coming out of it. Because to go from I'm like, magical to oh, my gosh, I'm just in a mental hospital, it's kind of devastating. And you don't really know. You can't really navigate it. And there's not a lot of the people to show you how to do it. So it's like you're coming out of it. And so that's why it's really hard for people to transition from coming through a breakdown to back to real life, because you really kind of figuring it out as you go along.

Yeah, I can imagine. Talk about the ultimate disappointment.

Yeah, I know.

Gosh, just your description there, like, what? I'm just Maggie Newcombe here on planet Earth.

I'm eating chocolate pudding that's like in the finest Ritz Carlton on a silver platter with a waiter or waitress with white gloves, you know, to like, damn, that's a bummer.

Where am I again?

And that's why I wanted to write the book, because my episode at 26 was the same as my episode at 16. The book is about. My one at 26 was very similar. And I was like, people have to know this, that when people. You can lose your mind, but then you can come back from it. And so I just again, find our brains so fascinating. If we could look at it as something as like, wow, look what's happening to their brain, rather than, oh, they're horrible, or whatever. So, yeah, that's why I wrote the book, because I think it's so interesting. Like, what.

What.

What were possible. What. Our brains are possible.

And again, I really appreciate so. So psychosis, if I heard you correctly, is simply. That is a. Is that. That's. That's the medical term then for when you.

We need to change it, don't you think? Gosh.

I mean, I found myself, like, wow. I mean, I find that similar to epilepsy. I have a wonderful niece, so before I experienced that with her that's simply the best explanation I've ever heard was literally like a lightning storm in your brain. So it's just. It's just terminology that explains a specific situation. That's all it is. But unless you know that you take on all these different meanings, like, oh, my gosh, you know. So I appreciate you sharing that. That's simply a place, like you say, where the brain takes people, you know, and it has all different, if I heard you correctly, different manifestations. And most of us associate that with all the crazy stuff that we hear in the media. Yes.

Yeah. And it can. And it's like. And it can lead to, like, extreme paranoia. I mean, there's. You know, when you're not in reality, there's so many different ways that it can go. And that's what's so fascinating about bipolar disorder is that sometimes someone have psychosis and they'll think, oh, maybe they. They have schizophrenia or something else, but sometimes it could just be bipolar disorder. And so that's what's so interesting about the disorder.

And, you know, I like, I love to create parallels for those of us who are, you know, maybe listening and trying to relate to maybe a situation that I'm going through or maybe a loved one that I'm trying to support. I want to point out also that we all experience a bit of psychosis in our own lives. How, you might be asking, well, if you've ever been really drunk and you thought you were, like, the best writer on the whole planet, and you were writing like, a banshee, and then you get up the next day and you read it like, oh, my gosh, this is total trash. Like, where did this come from? I thought I had just written this epic novel, right? Or, hey, you know, there's. There's all kinds of great examples that I could go into. But we can get ourselves into a state if. If we're just having too many drinks, right? Where I'm this. This such and such, or the so and so, or I'm this sexy beast on the dance floor, and, you know, we can all get to these places where, you know, we are experiencing a bit of stepping out of reality, Right?

So true. And I'm so glad you said that, because that is so true.

Yeah, I can pop a pill or I can smoke too much pot, and all of a sudden I'm like a paranoid banshee, right? And I'm going, take me out of here. Not that I ever have. You guys, like, I don't know what we're talking about here. But I've heard stories.

Your friends, your friends.

I have friends that have told me what that feels like.

Show ratings just plummeted.

And so I just think we all can. We can take our place ourselves to a place, too. I've actually experienced it in, like, a personal development workshop where you get so high naturally, and people are cheering and telling you how great you are, and you go home like, higher than a kite, thinking, I am going to take the world by the tail and I am going to wrap it around it and nail it to my floor. Because I have got this right. Those are all places where we all experience a little bit of psychosis. So I just. I just want to help people not be afraid of that word. Like, there are going to be times we are going to absolutely experience that falling in love is the ultimate place of, like, oh, the magic carpet ride is what I call it. It's like the magic carpet ride of all magic carpet rides, where you think, ah, finally, this is where it's going to all work out. And I always say to clients who are getting into a new relationship, it's funny how we want to rush that stage and, like, figure out what we're going to be. And I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no. See, slow down. Enjoy that magic carpet ride. Like, hang out there as long as you can.

Grasp onto it as hard as possible. Yes.

So on that note, I want to dive into your relationship life, right, and your dating experiences and your journey to finding your incredible husband. Because there's a. There's a huge myth that I think I want to dispel, if I may, on this show today, and that's that if you're struggling with a mental health illness yourself, that you're unlovable, that you're never going to find somebody special, that nobody's ever going to want. What you deem yourself to be is broken goods. And you are not, absolutely not broken goods. You have experiences just like we all do. And for you, they're just sticking around a little longer than the rest of us, and that's okay. And it doesn't mean you're not going to find love. It doesn't mean that you're unlovable. And it doesn't mean that you can't go on and live a perfectly wonderful, fabulous life, which, Maggie, I think you're such a great demonstration and example of, right? You're standing on the other side of that canyon saying, hey, it's okay. I did it. It can be done. Look, look at me, right? And essentially, I do a very similar thing with relationships. Like, if there could have been a relationship disaster, I've done it. I've been there, done it, created it, Right? It's been an epic disaster, in fact, my and I'm like, oh, that girl's teaching relationship education. Like, that's crazy. But I feel like I'm that person like you that stands on the other side of that canyon gap going, come on, you can do this. It's going to be okay. I'll show you how. So let's take a break for a minute, right? And then we'll come back and let's dive into Maggie's love life, shall we? I think that'd be really fun. We'll be right back.

Are you tired of sitting on a couple's counselor's couch and feeling like you're just rehashing the past and making no progress? Do you feel like you're holding on to your relationship but panicked you're losing your partner? It's time to learn how to deepen your connection, finally resolve the arguments that keep coming up. Understand yourself and your partner and create the level of intimacy you've been dreaming of. It's time for love to tingle your toes again. Schedule your private session with relationship expert stacey bartley@staceybartley.com checkup.

Ready to learn the most important thing you can do to revitalize your relationship today? Go to Stacybartley.com fairydust stacybartley.com fairydust this is the number one thing Stacy teaches her VIP clients that has the power to improve the health of your relationship.

Today.

Learn how sprinkling a little fairy dust in your relationship can stop arguments in their tracks. Rekindle your spark and take your difficult conversations from the struggle busy to easy street.

Do you feel like your love life is on life support? It's time for a turbocharged relationship resuscitation with an alternative to marriage counseling. Head over to stacybartley.com to learn more about their proprietary programs their clients use to save their relationship. S-T a C I B a R T L E Y.com visit staceybartley.com today talk radio that will get you thinking. Alternative talk 1150.

Welcome back to Love Shack Live. Good to have you with us. We are Tom and Stacey Bartley, your host and we have an awesome guest. Honey, where are we going in the.

Rest of Maggie Newcomb is our guest today and we've been talking about this crossroads of comedy, mental illness and relationships. And I know it's April Fools and we're dedicating this to April Fools. And there is a place where all of that can be present in the same moment, which Maggie, in my opinion, embodies. We've been talking about, you know, how she arrived at writing her book and some of her manic episodes as well as some of the challenges that she has overcome and then stepped into comedy to find, find the place to share. And so we promised before the break that we were going to dive into Maggie's relationship life. And so as you were doing comedy Maggie and navigating the dating world with a now known mental illness that, you know, you've been hospitalized for, that you've, you've had to find treatments for, what were the fears and insecurities that perhaps you had as you were dating person to person and trying to find somebody who could love you just as you are?

Oh, yeah. I mean, I think we all have insecurities with dating and it comes almost like it heightens them all. And I know, especially after my hospitalization, I was like, I don't know if I can date. You know what I, you know, when I'm sitting in having dinner with someone, be like, oh, this food's great. Just like the mental hospital, like, who's kid? Like, so for me, I kind of of it took me a while to kind of now, as I said, to get some perspective. And so by the time I met my now husband, I had really kind of gone through it and accepted myself, you know, and the message I always want to give to people is that mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. It's just a condition. It's a medical condition that you can treat. And so it was almost like it took me years to kind of figure that out. And then once I did and I really worked on myself, it's like when I stopped looking is when I met my husband. It's just always how it is. So it's like when I was accepting of who I was and I was in a good place. Then I met this guy and we were like, seemed to be just like the perfect timing.

So let's play the first clip of a standup comedy skit that you do. It's called Getting Dumped. And I love how you talk about coming to acceptance, right, of who you are and your journey of this dating life. Go ahead.

It was really painful and he was breaking up with me and I think he felt guilty. So he was trying to make himself feel better. He was like, maggie, I don't want to date you anymore, but I just want you to know that I think You're a really great person. And as you can imagine, I was so relieved to hear that. I mean, this whole time I thought I was a bad person, but I'm actually really a good person. Great person. You guys probably aren't all great people. It's all just stand up here. Great person. Yeah. I bet guys stand around, they're like, oh, my God, dude, check out that girl. I bet she's really a great person. And a date her. Gonna marry her. Yeah. And then it's like he was saying all stupid stuff. He was like, maggie, I think we should break up because we have different goals. I was like, that is so stupid. I don't have any goals. A ghost town boyfriend. Not helping out with that at all.

I love how you say, my goal was to have a boyfriend. And you're really not helping out with that.

She was not helping. Nope, no help there.

I also love how you say you people must be all bad people, because. And it's so true. It does speak to the human condition, that we all feel like we're bad people at some point in time in our journey to accepting ourselves, that there's always this critical voice in our heads that causes us to wonder, am I. Am I okay? Am I good enough? Am I doing this right? Right. So give us some tips in regards to. How did you overcome that with a mental health illness.

Well, I think that for me, comedy became kind of my creative outlet. And I think that is so important for us that we have something in our life that makes us feel good. And for me, it was stand up. And. And it came at a time where I. Those jokes are all real. Like, that's, like, real pain that those jokes actually happen to me. And I think I was having a hard time getting over a breakup is when I started doing standup. And I used that pain in those jokes to write those jokes. And the audience really connects with that. Like you said, it was like. Because it was authentic and I was being vulnerable. People connect with that because who hasn't been dumped? Who hasn't felt unworthy? And so I was able to really use a lot of my insecurities that I've had for years and years and then put them kind of into my art, which I think that's. A lot of times what art is so great about is that we get to connect over stuff that happened to us.

I so agree. Right. And that's such a magical piece when we can share our journeys with each other. You know, I love to hear people's stories because it Tells us so much about not only ourselves, but it also highlights what else is possible as well. It really is the place where we get to expand and step more into realizing who I am and who I have the capacity to be. If I share my story with you and you share your story with me, right?

Oh, yeah.

I think it's just the greatest gift ever. And so sharing of those stories kind of takes us to the conversation around therapy. Right. And sometimes the aversion that we have to, like, getting help and support when we need it. And therapy doesn't have to be a lifetime sentence, people. You know, therapy is not a bad word. Another very loaded word, psychosis. We need to change that name to let's have a play date. That would be way more fun. I'm going to play date today. Oh, that sounds great. Yeah. I'm going to get closer to myself. Me and me, we're hanging out today. I don't know. We need to change that word as well. But the therapy road for you, what was that like? And is that still a huge part of your life today?

Oh, man. Therapy. I totally agree. I honestly think that everybody at some point in their life should see a therapist, because it's like, we need to talk about our issue. We all have issues. And it's really great to get a different perspective, like a third party who's objective, you know, because we can always get in our heads and stuff. And so. And I also think that the mental health kind of infrastructure and therapy has really improved over the years because kind of in the past, back in the day, it was always like, like, if you're in therapy, that means something's wrong with you and you need to get fixed. And I really want to change that, that there's nothing wrong with any of us. We all just need to work through stuff. And your therapist is your partner. You guys are equal. It's not like they're fixing you or you need to be fixed. It's that you're working through stuff. And so it's about finding the right therapist, too, that can really help you move forward. And I think that's really important. So I just am an advocate for anybody that wants to see a therapist to really just, you know, work on yourself. And my husband and I, we did premier premarital counseling, and it was so great that we still see a therapist once a month just to work on stuff. And that allows us to have more humor because we put the work in.

No, I saw. And I think a lot of us don't realize that Simply being able to sit down and have somebody who's willing to listen to your story as you speak it out. Right. You get to, like, take it out of your head, and it becomes something that you can now see and work with and understand for yourself as well. So there's something very, very helpful about just sharing our story because it makes it. Right, tangible. It almost makes it real for a minute. And you're like, have you ever had that experience where you kind of go, did I just say that? Yeah, I don't mean that. I mean something completely different. Right. And we can catch ourselves and we can see ourselves much easier when we share ourselves with each other. And not only do we expand our perspectives, we also see ourselves. You know, I like to say there's a reason why we go crazy. If you put us in isol as a human being, and we go crazy because we can't see and understand ourselves. That's really important for us.

Yeah. And I really, as you shared, Maggie, I think, you know, there's a very powerful process when somebody can be objective and be an incredible listener and ask very good questions to help us. I think at the end of the day, we are all, our own best counselors. We simply need the process to help us pull that out of us, be able to. To look at things from a different place, vantage point, and really come up with our own best solutions. And a good coach, therapist or whatever, in my experience has been some person that has a really good skill set to do so.

Yeah. So let's listen to your clip that you did on the stage, on the comedy stage about therapy. I love this. It's so cute.

I think that we all need to be in therapy. Right? You know, we all have problems, and. And some of my friends are like, but, Maggie, how do you share intimate secrets of your life with a stranger? And I'm like, it's not like you have to tell your therapist the truth. Like, right now, in therapy, I am working on my husband's intimacy issues. Yeah. I'm not married, But someday I am gonna be married, and my husband's gonna have intimacy issues. And then who's gonna be ready for that? Sylvia here? Yes.

That's so great. I'm gonna be ready for that. I'm gonna be ready to take that one on. So let's turn the corner. Obviously, you continue to date and continue to embrace and accept and love yourself, which is a journey in and of itself for all of us. Right. Tell us how you met your husband. I'd love to hear that. Story.

Well, yeah, so I met my. I actually met 10 years ago this week, and I was doing mash.com. don't want to brag. Online dating. And I think I mentioned I was. I was finding a place where I was kind of in a good place emotionally and mentally. And we met. I think I dated, like, a couple people on match.com and it's. Online dating is not easy, you know, like, you kind of got to put out a wide net. And I told myself, I'm like, I just need one. Just got to meet that one person. So I went on a few dates that weren't amazing, and then I met him. We met at a bar in downtown Sacramento, and we just met for drinks because I was like, you don't want to commit to a whole dinner. You know, just make for drinks. And we just hit it off really well and just. We kind of had that spark right away. But we both. He was actually divorced, and, you know, I'd been through a lot of relationships, so we both were kind of in a place where we were ready to be serious and we didn't play games. Like, right from the beginning, it was like, we both were like, I like you. I like you. Okay, let's make this happen. So, yeah.

Oh, that's so great. And now, 10 years later, right? And fast forward into the future, and you did premarital counseling. So what happened to your comedy career at that point in time?

My husband destroyed my career. He made me happy, and then that made all go away. Well, I was kind of. I did comedy for. For several years, and then I kind of slowed down because I had to. I decided to work full time, and so I did slow down comedy anyway. But the majority of my comedy was about being single, and it was about dating, and it's about that pain. And that just really was my. The majority of my jokes were about that. And so when I met my husband and I was, like, in love, and I was happy, and he wasn't being a jerk, and he wasn't playing games. I was like, what am I going to tell jokes about? Nobody wants to hear about how amazing you are. So I. And I like to be authentic when I'm on stage. So I did have to start writing different jokes. But luckily, as you guys know, marriage, life, there's a lot of material there. I think I have a half an hour on his socks and where he leaves them.

Do you want to share it with us? You want to try it out right now? It's so true. I always say, you know, what relationships are going to give you? Relationships are going to give you more and that means more of everything. Yes, more, hopefully intimacy and connection and support and love and all those things that we get into relationships for. But they're also going to give you more opportunities for you to see and understand your fears and insecurities and they're going to give you more problems to solve and they're going to give you more, just more, more of everything. And so if you don't feel like right now in your life you need more, then don't do relationship because that's exactly what it gives you. It's like the best personal growth thing it's on. It puts your personal growth on steroids, doesn't it?

I mean it's like our 10 year anniversary. Like I had these plans to like on social media like post this picture of us and be like in 10 years and my best friend and it's so amazing. But that night we got into this huge fight about the laundry and I was like, but then I started thinking, I was like, you know what? There's no one I'd rather have a fight with the laundry about. But it's like, it's like relationships, they're, they're given take and so it's like finding that person that you can still fight a lot, the laundry, but still be so happy that you're lying next to him that night.

I love that you say that is so true because it's something, I mean long lasting relationships happen because it's not that they're perfect or that I'm perfect or they're perfect or it's not messy. It doesn't mean that we don't fight and it doesn't mean that, you know, we see eye to eye all the time. But at the end of the day, I still want, want to be at it with you. There's this emotional intrinsic place where I go, yeah, that was really messed up or what I did was really messed up. But you know, I still want to do this with you. That that desire of you is what keeps us in it. And it's amazing how that want just kind of takes you from day to day to day and then you look back and it's a year later and, and two years later and you know, 10 years later and 20 years later. It's not because we haven't navigated ups and downs. In fact, those ups and downs off help us discover more in depth things about ourselves and each other in our relationship and where it needs to transform. Right. We have this idea of relationships that is kind of like the stagnant piece where it's kind of a set it and forget it. Once you find your person, you're done. Box checked. Okay. Let's get on with life now. I got my person. And nothing could be further from the truth. Right. It is the most dynamic, transformative, frustrating, hair raising, hair pulling, fabulous, wonderful toe curling experience on the planet. Right. It's. And the fact that it's going to be like the day you're married, going forward is a lie. I love the story. I call it the Santa Claus story.

Right. It's.

It's a great story, but it's after all, just a story, you know, that's. You're just getting started. And this toe curling experience that hopefully you're experiencing on the day that you commit. Right. You're so excited to. You can't see. Straight turns into a place where we get to grow and challenge each other to become the very best that we can be. I don't believe we can do that without some form of relationships in our lives, because we need that something to push against in order to grow ourselves into the people that we have the capacity to be. It's kind of like, you know, the emotional weightlifting gym on steroids.

Yeah. And I love that you say that's a journey because I just to pivot back. That's also very similar to our mental health journeys. It's like, it's like I'm never. I'm always navigating and working on myself, you know, and we all are. I think that's the same with relationships, too.

Well said. Absolutely. It's this proverbial place that we're supposed to arrive. I mean, you know, that's a Mythbuster that Stacy and I, we are very passionate not to. Not to rain on anybody's parade, but let's just be honest here. I always say, like, look, this is the most complicated thing we are. Any of us are ever going to undertake to bring our swirling self in alignment with some other swirling human being. Like, okay, and we're supposed to live happily ever after. Like, damn, someone sold us a really good one there. Like, and as soon as something happens, something is wrong. No, that's simply the process and the journey.

Yeah, absolutely. So let's play your last clip that we have prepared for our audience and our listeners today. And then let's give some. Some tips and tricks in regards to some things you would empower people to do. Either wrestling with themselves right now or maybe wrestling with somebody that they truly love and care about.

But I actually. I actually did meet somebody, and I'm dating someone special, and he is a little bit younger. What up? And the thing that's cool about dating is that he's really great and awesome, and he doesn't even know it. So I'm gonna do everything I can to keep it that way. The other day, he was like, baby, you're so amazing. I'm never gonna find anybody else like you. And I was like, I know, right? I know. I think we all are aware of the extreme shortage of single women over 30. You better pull my tight to me don't let me go I don't want to lose this one don't let me slip through your fingers.

That's so great. That's so great. It reminds me of a joke that oft times, Tom and I will banter, and he'll say, man, babe, I think I'm going to turn you in for somebody younger. And I go, you know, that's a great idea. I think I'll do the same.

Unfortunately, I'm on the upper side of the age band right there. Yeah.

You're going to trade me in for somebody younger? I'm going to trade you in for somebody younger.

There you go.

Yeah, absolutely.

So.

Gosh, I can't believe we're kind of. We're kind of coming to a close. But let's. Let's talk about some fundamental. Maybe if you have two or three things that you feel like have been critical to your success and building that relationship with yourself and navigating the relationship with your husband, I'd love to hear what you have to say about that.

Well, I think right now that more than ever is that we really need to have compassion for ourselves and for others because we're in an unprecedented time, and it's. We don't even totally understand what's going on or how this is going to affect us. So I think that's really important, and I'm just a huge advocate for treatment for those that are struggling, whether it's a serious mental illness or just anybody who's struggling to reach out. And there's so many wonderful professionals and that having any kind of mental health issue is nothing to be ashamed about. And I can't say that enough that it's. There's so many people. Is it like one in five of us are, in any given year, can be living with a mental illness? And so it's addressing it and getting help, and then. And so I think the same goes, like, you Said mental health is a journey. And so I'm, I still struggle, you know, even though I love that metaphor. You said I'm on the other side of the cliff waving, and I'm like, sometimes I fall down the cliff, but then I climb back. And, and so because I'm working, I'm constantly working on myself and my husband and I are constantly working on our relationship. And so that, that work allows us to have the humor, it allows us to laugh at ourselves because we have sort of a perspective. So I think, you know, mental health is just, is putting focus on it, putting a perspective on it and having maybe a, a different relationship with your mental health than you had before. And that is of acceptance, compassion, and then action. If you want to talk to somebody.

So do you have some phraseology? Let's say somebody's in a relationship right now and they are dealing with somebody that's really resistant about talking about it, facing it, wanting to get help and support. How would we encourage them to step in and support that person that maybe is in a bit of a denial?

Yeah. Or I would say, what would be for you, or encouraging for you to hear from your, your husband, your partner? What, what would you like to hear? What would be helpful for you to hear? Because I, I know from my brother, most of the time we don't know what to say.

I think, you know, that's so common and it's, it's tricky and there isn't that one right thing to say. And I always say, don't worry so much about saying the right thing. It's showing that you care. And it's like you can even say, I don't even know what the right words are. But I want you to know that I care about you, you and I want you to feel better because I can tell that you're not feeling great. And so the hardest thing I find about mental health is that you can't do the work for somebody else, that they have to want to get better. And I wanted to get better. I wanted to seek help and somebody, you can't force them. But what you can do, if you're in a relationship with someone, you do have a special partnership that maybe you go, hey, let's go to therapy together, or I'll call for you, or I'll sit with you, or I'll be with you. Because I think therapy can be kind of intimidating. So I think, like I said, the first thing is just showing you care. Hey, I care about you, but it's non judgmental caring, which can be really hard. So I think. And then again, this goes back to compassion, because we don't always know. I mean, even I don't know what to say to people sometimes, you know? And that's why I love Stacy. What you said at the beginning, that I wish we could talk about it and say, you know, like, just like a cold Remy, like, oh, that happened to you. This is what's happening to me. Because it is. There aren't any right or wrong answers. It's just, what's the best next step for this person to get home.

I love what you said. So that ties so nicely into an episode that we've done and we've talked about fairy dust and we call it fairy dust so that you'll remember it's something special. And if there ever was a fairy dust for relationships, this would be it. And it's basically reminding the people in your life that you love them and that you care about them, and that's it.

So give a demonstration. Like, specific to what? Like.

You'Re struggling. And I just want you to know that I love you and that you're important to me and this relationship is important to me and that I am willing to do whatever we need to do in order to see this through. How can I help you? And it's. It's instead how we tend. If we don't know about fairy dust and know how to use it, what we do is we point to the problem. Oh, my gosh, I can't believe you're doing that again. I thought you were going to go there. You know, when are you going to pull it together?

You know? Right?

This is crazy. You're crazy. You know, all of those kinds of things, you know, that doesn't inspire us to want to turn and face the problem. I mean, any of us as human beings don't get better because people are criticizing us or belittling us. I mean, we just want to run away as fast as possible. But what does inspire me and what does help me come close is to know that you care and that I matter to you and that this relationship is important to you, too, and that I'm important, because at the end of the day, that's kind of what we're all afraid of, right? And if we can approach it from that place, then all of a sudden, maybe I'm will willing to turn and face it as you hold my hand. And I know that you're going to be there to support me instead of criticize me in my journey.

I think also the Timing, too. It's like, I have a tendency at the end of the night to be like, you did this and you did this, and you're never going to work stuff out. But if choose the time when they're in a good place or even just like a calm place, that you could talk about the issues objectively, I think also helps, too.

No, that's a great point. In fact, we often remind our clients, like, look, if you know, share what's going on, but if you need to regather, then just share that. What? What? And we find that's fine. But then make sure that you haven't agreed upon the. When you are going to come back and visit it. Because we like to. You know, we may take that. Okay, I'm not ready now. And then we don't ever seem to get back to it, so. I love what you said, Matt. Yeah. You know, we. In our body of work, we say you show up as good as you feel. So if you're not feeling like you can take that on now, like, maybe you're really tired, like. God, babe, you know what? I'm exhausted. Can we. I love you because. Can we revisit this? And, I mean, I share this with Stacy. Babe, I'm brain. Like, honey, listen to this. Babe, I am brain dead. Can we do this in the morning? You know, I mean, so. But. But make sure you get back to it, because a lot of times we don't ever get back to it. We just kind of put it on proverbial rug and then it never happens.

Yeah. Well, gosh, it's time for us to wrap up and say goodbye. Maggie, how can people get in touch with you if they want to hear more about what you have to say about your mental health journey?

Is your book on Amazon? Is where.

So my book, Chocolate Pudding and Happ, the Intriguing Journey of My Bipolar Mind, it's on Amazon. And I'm actually working on the audiobook right now. So I'm super excited about that.

Congrats.

And then people can go to my website. It's Maggie Newcomb.com. my last name is spelled N, E, W, C, O, M, B. That's B as in boy. Or you could just Google Maggie Newcomb. So all that Instagram, Facebook, all that good stuff, I'm all there.

That's great. So thank you so much for being here with us. Magic, Maggie.

Thank you so much for having me.

This is all for Love Shack today. Thanks so much for being here with us and listening in and because we so value and appreciate our listeners and everyone who's listening live, guess what? You're going to receive a Heath Bar in the mail. No kidding. And for those of you who are telling people about the show, we thank you so much and thank you for helping us spread the word and show our thanks for sharing this episode with your friends and family and all of you people. You're going to receive a new car. And by the way, happy April Fool's Day. You can find a recording of the show along with our past episodes wherever you listen to podcasts. And if you haven't already, we would love it if you would subscribe. Send us a review. We want to hear from you. And we're going to let our song take us into the emotional aspects of this conversation. I couldn't have thought of one better for the day, for the moment, if you haven't done a prank yet, maybe you need to bring in a little laughter. And in regards to wherever it is you're finding yourself today, Pharrell Williams, baby, we gotta get happy. Here we go.

See you next week, everybody.

Have a beautiful day.