#30: Cheers To Mothers Of Every Kind On This Mother's Day

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Hey, welcome to the Love Shack, a little old place where we get to get together, explore fresh perspectives, eavesdrop on juicy conversations, and uncover mysteries that nobody talks about, but absolutely influences our relationships. If you are struggling in your marriage, just starting out in a new relationship, or are single and looking to do better next time, this is the show for you. I'm Stacey Bartley. I'm here with my co host and lover, Tom for together. For the last decade, we have been loving on people from around the world with the sole purpose of helping people love more and fear less, both with themselves and others when it comes to our relationships.

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Yeah. Bottom line, wherever you are in this moment, thank you so much for joining us. It's a pleasure to be here with you today. We have what we think may be our best show ever, because we are going to talk about moms today. And more specifically, we're going to talk about motherhood. We're honoring all the mothers who have given precious children and do their best to love and nurture them as they grow. It's going to be tough for me. This is pretty close to the heart here, babe. So being that I'm a mother, right, six kids, 12 grandkids, we have a big package. So, yes, there's the mothers who have had children. We're also here to honor the mothers who might be grieving the loss of a child, maybe mothers who are struggling to become mothers. And we're also here to honor the mothers who have chosen to not embrace motherhood. Because as we learn to think of motherhood in various perspectives, which we're going to share with you on the show, you're going to realize that motherhood isn't just about having children. We honor stepmoms, we honor foster moms, and even fur baby moms. This week, we are excited and ready to celebrate all the women, young and old that give new life and nurturing to others. Because if we couldn't experience this energy of new creation or have the ability to support new creation to its full expression, none of us would be here to enjoy this earthly experience. We're going to have several men and women sharing their thoughts about mothers, their mothers, and motherhood overall and the life giving efforts of contributions both large and small that motherhood makes to us all. After the contributions after all, contributions from women don't only come from bearing and nurturing children. Women can be mothers in many new creations, both of other beings and great ideas that impact us all. The nurturing of all good creation is necessary to making the world a better place. So regardless of where you might find yourself currently as a mother or someone who desires to honor the motherhood that has happened in every single human being's life, we invite you to stay tuned with us as we embark on this tribute and the many facets of motherhood as it is so important and vital to us as human beings. And we'll have some other little goodies too. So we'll be right back.

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Hey, welcome back. We're here to honor mothers today and all the many forms and faces that mothers motherhood, the whole journey, the whole experience. We've got a lot to jump into when it comes to the heart of the matter. But before we get started, we want to talk about what you drink. And because that's important. It's an important, important aspect of relationships. You know, imagine for a moment us pulling up a chair and we're going to get ready to have a conversation and spend some time together. What are we going to pull out? I know when people come to my house, you know, it's a. It's a wonderful bottle of wine, at least some kind of lemonade or beverage or tea or some kind. And then, you know, learned this from my mom. There was always some kind of a little snack that we could partake, and we would snack and drink. I remember, too, she'd say, hey, meet me out on the porch, grab a Pepsi. And there was always a beverage that was included in every conversation that we'd have, whether it was something of the heart serious or whether it was just to celebrate and talk about the day. And so we've incorporated what you drink in because it's such a critical part of how we all come together to connect. And as you know, Tom and I, we have a special. Well, maybe you don't if you're listening to us for our system, but we have a really special place in our hearts for sparkling wine. And take it away from there, babe. Heck, yeah. Cheers to that. And as we cheers. As we cheers. Get your glass.

Yes.

These little glasses are for Tom's mom. She gave them to us before she passed. Yeah.

So, yeah. So what we're drinking is. Is. And this is. Right, we're drinking lamarca Prosecco.

Here, I'll show you a picture of it.

Lamarca Prosecco is. Stacy and I were blessed and grateful to spend five and a half weeks in Italy in 2019. But this is right from their website. Lamarca Prosecco elevates the everyday. Excuse me, I gotta get a little closer so I can see it. Experience every. Excuse me, Let me start that again. LaMarca Prosecco elevates the everyday with a crisp, refreshing style and a delicate floral palette.

I don't know that I understand all of that. You know, I love it, but I'm not quite sure I understand. Like the whole floral.

Let me continue before I was so rudely interrupted.

Okay.

You see what I'm dealing with all the time, ladies and gentlemen. I don't get much air time, so I have to spotlight showcase. So again, made from the expressive, hopefully bolera grape found in the hillside vineyards of a of Italy's Prosecco capital, Traviso. Did we go there?

No, we didn't go to Travisa, but maybe you should just catch the tag.

Lamarca Prosecco is an elegant, luxurious sparkling wine that pairs beautifully with a variety of foods. And I. I'm not making this up, ladies and gentlemen. I just found this. I shared this with Stacy right before for showtime. At the bottom of their website, it says making everyday sparkle. I love that we like to say you can't make that up.

No, no. And we chose sparkling wine because every day needs to be a celebration. So embrace that wherever you might be right now. And this drum roll, we're going to move on to our follow the fun moment. This is.

And let me just say that we, we, we offer and we, we inspire, hopefully encourage, impart, impress upon you this follow the fun moment. You might be thinking like Tom and Stacy, you have no idea what I'm dealing with. Now, really, all kidding aside, sometimes my lovely wife has been accused of living in Disneyland. But really what we want to help you understand is if we wait until everything is just right in any of our lives, we're probably not going to celebrate. We're probably not going to have many follow the fun moments. So really, all kidding aside would just encourage you to like, take a bre. All of that, we like to say, is going to put it on the shelf for a moment and gift yourself this follow the fun. You know, just take a moment to maybe give yourself a little repose, a little bit of ease, a little bit of fun.

Well, and if I may throw out there, listen, I want you to realize that you can't feel bad enough to feel a little better. Like, you can't spend enough time in the things that are troubling us and the problems that we face. And I want you to realize they can be put on the shelf because again, we can't feel bad enough to feel better. And that's what this segment is for, is to help you feel a little bit better. In order to feel better, we have to do something different. And so today my follow the fun moment is just to get out and connect with nature. Every morning, thanks to my dog, Jiggy, we get to take a Walk through the beautiful foothills of Auburn, California, and something that's funny and you're going to think I'm really silly. I mean, talk about thinking I'm from Disneyland. I'm really not. But I've learned how to have fun in the pit of despair. Have fun regardless of the challenges that we face. And guess what? That teaching and that principle came from my mom. And we'll talk more about that as we get into the show. But my mom lost her husband at the age of 39, and she was left with five children and no idea how to provide for them because guess what? We didn't have any life insurance. And what she did for us was she taught us that regardless of what our circumstances are, that we can find something, just something, any little thing, to be right, inspired to have a little fun, something to put a smile on her face because the problem wasn't going to go anywhere. And so the follow our fun is to get out in nature, share with us the. And the squirrels. It's the squirrels.

Yes. And share with us your mother's incredible inspiration. I think it's really in all of your brothers and sisters, you know, home. What. What did she share with you right after your dad had passed away?

After my dad had passed, my brothers and sister and I were all wondering, what happens next? Do we do birthdays? Do we celebrate Christmas? Do we still do vacations? I mean, none of us had been here before. And my mom must have heard us talking from the living room because her bedroom was right next door. And she walked into that living room and opened up our beautiful living room curtains, and she said to us, the sun will shine in this house whether it's shining outside or not. We will go on, we will live and we will be happy. And yes, we're going to do all of those things that makes life good again. And that was such words that I clung to as a young girl. I was only seven. But, yes, she made good on that promise. Right. There were so many fun moments that she created. And I know as an adult now, looking back, she must have had some really challenging days. So I know sometimes it can seem like I'm right, You know, follow the squirrels, get out, talk to a tree. I mean, that seems silly, right? But it's really not. And when you do it, you start to feel a little bit better. So that's my encouragement today on Follow the Fun moment. So our next little episode segment, and this was designed to bring Tom a little more into the conversation because, you know, let's be honest, I know I'm really passionate about what I do, and I can kind of hog the show and the conversation, and I've been accused of that. And. And yet Tom has so many incredible things and. And perspectives and insights that he deserves to share, too, that we decided to give him a segment in the show. So it's time for Tom's tantalizing tip. Don't you love that?

I love that.

I think it's so fun.

Well, no, thank you. And, yeah, this is one I've probably been excited about because, you know, my wonderful mother, interestingly enough, Stacy's father and my father died the same year, 1970. So really most, I would say, significant of my influence and such comes from my mom.

And.

And she raised me with this. This incredible contribution, this constant affirmation that life is all about relationships. So we like to say at the end of the day, everyone is in the relationship business. We all are.

So.

Thank you, mom.

Thank you, mom. Tom and I are both blessed to come from moms as we kind of move this. This conversation into the heart of the matter, which is where we get to honor all those beautiful moms and motherhood and the journey of all its different facets and phases. As women, sometimes we have many places of motherhood, and I. Well, I don't want to give it away, but there's a couple things as we step into the heart of the matter that I want to. I want to share. Number one, we could have a conversation, an entire show on every single point that we're going to make, all of the six facets that we've identified of motherhood. And so I hope that we've done a good enough job of moving through these so that everyone can feel honored.

And.

And then maybe we do need to come back and do a show on each and every one of these varieties of motherhood. We hope to change your perspective of motherhood. Number one, we hope that we can help you understand better about motherhood and what it's all about. And also give yourself a little credit and honor yourself for the incredible, wherever you might find yourself, contribution that you make by just being full of that energy of motherhood. Number two, we invite you to. Right. Understand that motherhood and the conversation that we're going to step into is the ability to create a nurture, full expression like, that's the energy of motherhood. It's fast moving. It's breathless. As a mentor of ours shares, and you're going to hear from him today, it's incredibly juicy. Motherhood is an energy to create things and to bring them to full expression. And that's the lens of which we want to view this conversation of motherhood through. And the third would be, let's check our judgments. Let's check our judgments of ourselves and others as we allow ourselves to kind of step into the heart of the matter today from a fresh perspective, from new eyes, and realize that I can suspend judgment of myself and I can suspend judgment of others, and maybe we can all come out on the other side inspired and really excited about the contribution that we make to motherhood. Because if you're a mother, if you're a motherhood, if you're a woman, you can't help but express this motherhood energy wherever you are and whatever you find yourself doing.

And we've asked some really wonderful people in our circle to. To contribute. So we're going to be playing some audio clips, you know, and we want. We'll thank them. So this is a collaborative team effort for this particular episode of Love Shack Live.

Yeah. We're so thankful for the people who are willing to support us and share their perspectives and their ideas on what it is to be a mother and what it is that motherhood has contributed to their lives. We're so thankful for that. So let's start the conversation out here. I was having a conversation with a friend, and the conversation. And by the way, they don't have children. And the conversation was, hey, you know, some people just shouldn't have kids. And I says, whoa, okay, now wait a minute. Because some people have kids and they didn't necessarily plan on that, number one. Some people have kids and they weren't necessarily planning on that. And some people want children so bad that they can't make it happen. And they're struggling with that, and they're beating themselves up in their bodies. And some people have children that they can't love to the full extent that they want to. Right. Because of challenges they're dealing with inside of themselves. And this is why I'm asking you with all my heart to please suspend judgment of where you think motherhood and what a mother is and how easy it is. It's not easy at all. I have six kids, and I can assure you that each and every one has taught me something different. And you would think by the time I had six kids, I would be able to figure it all out and have an assembly of what it means to be a mom without messing it up. And I assure you that each and every one is different. And each and every one has taught me different things about the life journey and about myself. And so, you know, if you have a child or you find yourself pregnant and don't know what to do, that's a struggle. And if you find yourself, right, wanting to have a child and you can't seem to make it happen, that's a struggle. And if you have children and you love them, but man, they're presenting things to you that you never dreamed possible or imaginable, that's part of the whole conversation as well. And if you choose to never have children, well, thank you for that as well, because. Right. We can't have children and make these incredible dreams and manifestations and contributions to the world and do both. And so this is kind of where we're going with this idea and energy of motherhood. So please do your best to not judge yourself and judge others, because we never know what another person's journey is in the journeyhood of motherhood. So let's start by, we're going to break this down by categories, right? We're going to honor first, the moms who have kids, right? The moms who sacrifice themselves day in and day out. And they try and do their best to contribute to their precious children and to the best of their ability, love and nurture them into their full expression. And our dear friend Sherry had this to say to her mom today.

Hey.

Hi.

I'm Sheri Reichert Ballew founder of Simply Celebrate. And my mother is Rebecca Reichert. And I'm so honored and delighted to participate in this beautiful program that Stacy and Tom are doing for Mother's Day. And I told Stacy, which is really true, that the hardest part about doing this is that having to pare down what could easily be for me, hours upon hours of telling you about things I've learned from my mom and how she's inspired me in my life. And that is the truth. But I think off the top of my head that the probably the biggest thing that I've learned from my mom is to find joy in the small things. My mom is a master at enjoying the moment. She loves to laugh. You know, oftentimes when we're visiting her, we'll find things that become these long lasting jokes that go on for years. Like the one time we dropped a complete tray of taco fixins upside down on the kitchen floor. And ever since then, you know, we can't even say the word taco without cracking up and retelling that story. Simple, simple things like that that she allows to, to bring joy to her. The other thing Is my mom will say, sit on the porch and nature will put on a show for you. She has a lovely backyard that she's let sort of grow wild. She's really against using any sort of pesticides out there or chopping down all her trees. So it's beautiful with lots of squirrels and rabbits and cardinals and all kinds of animals. So she'll just take a cup of coffee out there, and when I'm visiting her, we'll do the same and truly get to enjoy simply sitting out and commenting on whatever we see that's happening out in nature. And these two things, really, they're kind of the same thing.

Right.

Have had a great influence on me in helping me to learn that the things that really do matter don't cost money. Right. Because I guess this is. This is connected to something else that I really wanted to say to you, that for my mom, it's always family first. She's never had a lot of money. She was a single parent who, you know, had a high school degree and never has had a ton of money. But my mom has always found ways to make our lives feel abundant, and she's always put family first. So, for instance, she would save all her money to make sure that someone had a plane ticket to come and visit so that we could all be together. And so I. I really love that. What she values is time together and, you know, anything. We might. We might be playing a card game. We might be doing a crossword puzzle all together. We might simply be going out to Apple Castle, which is a sweet little Amish place not too far from where she lives, and they make fresh doughnuts, and we might just have a donut and sit out on the swing outside there and have a cup of coffee and a donut and simple, simple things. The other thing that's dropping in for me, I mentioned that she was a single mom, and my father left, and I don't think he supported her at all. And she really had and still has a lot of grit. And I learned from my mom, right. That you do what you've got to do for the people you love and you do what you've got to do for yourself. And it was really important to her to have a house for us to grow in and to have that kind of foundation. And she made that happen. And she also supported us in a thousand other ways that felt like magic to me. Like, how did she manage that? When I look back at now, and I. I'm so grateful to her for everything that she was able to provide. It's. It's amazing. The last thing I want to say about my mom is that she just loves people. And this is part of her enjoying the small moments. So if we're in the dollar store, she always talks to the person at the register. She usually knows, you know, if it's their birthday or if their husband's in the hospital. And she's really instilled in me this sense of being curious about people and open minded and approaching everyone as a friend. For her birthday a couple years ago, I invited my whole Simply Celebrate community, anyone who wanted to, to send her a birthday card. And she got over 250 cards. And she responded to every single one of those strangers who wrote to her. And now she has just dozens and dozens of pen pals that she's kept up with. And that tells you everything about who she is, how she enjoys connection, how much she loves people, and how just like those letter writing, right, that, that everything that, that she knows and teaches me about joy, they're things that we can all do right here, right now. Connecting with people we love, laughing, you know, finding the small things, finding things in nature to make us smile. Oh, I'm over my time. I've got to go. But, oh, you'll love my mom if you ever meet her, she'd love you too.

Bye. Bye. I love that you love my mom. That's so beautiful. And it really is the simple things. You know, the takeaway there is, gosh, it really is the simple things and so forth. Or by chance, a single mom. And we're struggling. Just remember what they need is not more stuff. They need you. And that was the huge lesson that I learned as a single mom myself.

No shock that Sherry's body of work, which we so love and respect, is called simply Celebrate.

We know where that inspiration has come from from that nurturing from her mom. And it's always interesting to look at our relationships with our moms because they play such a role in us that they either become something that we embody ourselves or it's something that motivates us to be something completely different. And so that influence, whether it was a positive experience or whether it wasn't such a positive experience, always takes us to the perfect place in regards to how it is we want to express with inside of ourselves. So the next clip that we want to share with you in this celebration of moms who bear children, moms who nurture children to their full expression, is from an incredible man, Trevor Blake. We are part of his guild. He's been an incredible influence and mentor to Tom and I, and he has this to say about his mom.

My name is Trevaji Blake, and I'm honored to be asked by Stacy and Tom to create a message for Mother's Day. I know for certain that my life as it's panned out is down to the guidance of the powerful spirit that was my mother and still is my mother. Given six months to live, she refused to accept her prognosis. And I remember as round about a six or seven year old, I caught her in the kitchen looking out through the window, waving her finger up at the sky and admonishing God and saying, I'll decide when to die, not you. And I'm not leaving until my children are all grown up and safely leave the nest of their own free will. And she was a woman of her word. And she didn't actually pass over until she was almost 50 and I was 21 years old. So 14 years later, how powerful is that? It left an imprint on me that.

Has.

Made me who I am. And when I was an infant, she used to tell me to stand up tall because I wasn't very, very. I was quite a small kid. And she'd say, stand up tall, Trevor. Look the world in the eye and you can be anything you want, anything you dream to be, you can be. But stand up tall and look the world in the eye. I can hear her saying it now. She was pegging out, washing on the line in the back garden when she said it. And I was handing her the pegs and I believed her and she was right. And then when I was a teenager and I was full of hormones and I hated the world, and she said, stop being angry at everyone and everything and see the good in everyone and everything, and it'll all go away, all change. And she was so right. And then when I was a young adult, when I was 20, one day she just said, it's my turn to take her to the hospital for chemotherapy. And that was a strange change in routine because that was always my father's job. And that day, with a knowing smile, while she was in a wheelchair and I was. I was pushing her through the ward in the hospital, she had this knowing smile and a twinkle in her eyes. And a nurse walked out of a side door and they hugged each other and I realized that they knew each other very well. And my mother introduced me to her and she became my wife for the next 40 years. The power of mothers, the power of knowing and the power of intuition. She Taught me all of those things, but she also taught me the meaning of the word indefatigable. And I'm 60 now, and I can tell you that not a day goes by when I don't think of her. In fact, not an hour goes by and I have a picture of my mother on my desk. And she's still as big an influence on my life today as she was back then. Because all I have to do is look at that picture and look into her eyes and I see that meaning of indefatigable. And all my worries and stresses just completely evaporate. But for Mother's Day, maybe I have a slightly different take on it. And I want to say that let's not forget that on Mother's Day, it can be very hard for a lot of women. Not every. Everyone gets to have children. Not everyone has kids who can tell these powerful stories and these anecdotes. My wife was like that. My wife was ill her whole life, and because of the consequence of that, we were not able to have children of our own. And Mother's Day was very hard for her. And she would say that she never got to be a mother. And I would say to her, but you are always a mother because you're a mother figure. It's a spiritual thing. She. She would send her mum flowers and gifts on Mother's Day, but no one ever sent her any. My heart ached for her. And I used to say to her, motherhood is not about children. It's about a way of being. It's about leadership. It's about setting an example. It's about nurturing. It's about fighting for seeing and finding the good in people. And my wife was equally the most important inspirational figure in my life. And let's face it, if any men are listening to. To this, we're just boys in long trousers. My wife and my mother were mother figures. It's a spiritual thing. It's not about having children. It's about motherhood, that almost indefinable spiritual spark to which we all fly in times of strife and fear. What I would give everything that I have, everything, absolutely everything, I would give for one more day with my mum and one more day with my wife, Lynn. And I would give 10 times that to sit at a table with both of them for one more moment.

Gosh, that makes me cry. It's tough to hear that and not get emotional, right? And the. The impact that we have as we turn the corner and start thinking of motherhood in completely different terms is Vast. Motherhood is the place to create new creation. It's a spiritual thing. It's an energy thing. And anything that is new, anything that we breathe life into and that we nurture to fruition, to a full expression, is the energy of motherhood, is the spirit of motherhood. And so we honor all the moms today that love their beautiful children and they sacrifice themselves in ways that we can't dream possible. I don't know how my mom pulled off some of the magical things that she did. I don't know these stories of what drives an individual, but I do know that they happen moment by moment and that they are choices that these women who make great impact on their kids make, not as a. As a right on the front side of their lives, but as they live their lives out moment by moment, there's a vision that they cling to the person that they want to be, the mother that they want to be, and that guides them into becoming the women that they are and having the impact that they do. So we honor you today. We also want to step in and honor the mothers who are struggling to become mothers. This is a real struggle. And I want to talk about the flip side of this, too. Mothers who become mothers that don't really want to be mothers. Right. Because there's a flip side of that, too. We have mothers that are struggling to. To have children. They're. They're. They're fraught with the pain and anguish that that bears. And then we have the mothers that are becoming mothers, and they're like, hey, wait a minute. This is the wrong time. I don't know that I'm ready for this. I. I can't do this. Right? And we cross our fingers, and we hope that maybe this will just go away. I mean, I hear it's possible. Right? And so we want to honor you today, too, and we want to remind you that motherhood is a creation process, that you have the power that runs through the veins in your body. We want to remind you that you are a creator by nature. Motherhood is a creative energy, and that creating anything, whether it be child or project or dream, is something that's available to you.

Absolutely. And now we're gonna. We're gonna talk about. We're gonna share a clip with you with, you know, the honoring the mothers, as Stacy shared, who are dealing with, you know, the types of loss that happen to a lot of women in this whole pregnancy, you know, bearing children journey.

And before we do, I just want to say this to the moms who are struggling to become moms. Embrace the many forms that you have the ability to create in, and that makes the creating of a new life possible. And it will also help along the way and take away the pain. So you have the power to create, embrace it, express it, right in many forms and fashions. And then, yes, let's talk about the third journey, which is we honor the moms who are grieving the loss of a child, whether that's through death, miscarriage, stillborn, adoption, mental health, addiction. These are all places where, right? I used to say to my kids, I could have been the perfect mother if I didn't find myself wrestling so much with myself. That would have been a piece of cake. And so we can find ourselves as mothers in places where I have a. An addiction that I'm facing or a mental health challenge that I'm facing, and I don't have the capacity to contribute to what my heart longs to do. We also have this place inside of ourselves where I'm struggling and I'm grieving with something of loss. And we have this beautiful mom, right? She happens to be a very significant part of our family. She shared this with us today about what. What loss is for herself.

Today I want to honor all the moms who are struggling to become moms or who have experienced pregnancy loss. Because about two months ago, I experienced pregnancy loss for the first time with an ectopic pregnancy. And even though I knew that struggling to become pregnant or losing your pregnancy must be one of the most painful experiences a woman could have, I never could have known how awful it was until I felt it myself. It causes a pain that's unlike any other, and I would not wish it on my worst enemy. And over time, it's gotten better. But I know that I'm going to feel this grief and this loss for the rest of my life. And on days like Mother's Day, it's just a reminder about what I don't have. And I know a lot of other women feel that way, too. And I just want to send love and hugs and comfort to women who are in the same boat. And I want us all to know that it's going to be okay, whatever happens, and that we are strong and resilient, and we are going to have beautiful lives, no matter if we can get pregnant or if we don't. So happy Mother's Day. To every single mom out there who is trying to get pregnant or who can't get pregnant or who is struggling to keep their baby, I'm sending you so much love.

It's so beautiful and so well said. We honor you wherever you are in this motherhood journey and again, remind you we have the power to create many things. Continue with your vision. Continue pursuing that. And remember, the journey is easier if you remember that you have the power to create many, many things. And when we become grateful for the challenges that we face, it is then that we finally overcome the challenge itself. I love that quote. So let's move on to the mothers who don't want to be mothers, necessarily with biological children.

And this is Oprah is not the bearer of children, but has inspired and influenced mother millions of mothers to be better moms in a 2000 commencement speech at Howard University. And this is a quote. Your calling isn't something that somebody can tell you about. It's what you feel. It is the thing that gives you juice, the thing that you know you are supposed to do. And nobody can tell you what that is. You know it inside yourself.

Oh, I love it. And I would encourage you, if this resonates with you, to go listen to that speech. But basically, motherhood is bringing an idea, a dream to fruition, as well as a child. Remember, our definition of motherhood is creating something new and nurturing it to its full expression. And there's a reality that we can't have children and make impacts and marks on the world simultaneously. And that sometimes the dream and the vision and what we know we are to become is so huge that I don't have the energy to contribute to both. Some of us pull that off very eloquently. But I do know that there are icons in our lives, people who move history. And they know on the onset that they weren't here to have children, but they were here to do something else. And so I honor those mothers today as well. And I want you to know that if your calling is something that, other than having children of your own, we want to remind and encourage you today to boldly use that power of motherhood to manifest your dreams. And so let's step into step moms. Okay. That's a rough gig sometimes, right? Step moms? I tell you what.

Step parenting.

Oh, yes, overall. But we're here to talk about moms today. We'll talk about dad's side on Father's Day. But we have to realize the stepmoms that we are second in line to your husband's children. I mean, after all, we have to accept the reality that they were here before you are. And I know that sounds really easy and logical, but then there's this emotional experience that creeps up where we start to feel like we don't matter or we fear that we won't matter in the future. We start to feel jealous and that comes out as anger. And we have to be really mindful of that. And the reality is we don't really understand how to express and share those feelings so well. And we have to also re realize that the children in the mix, well, they're feeling the same way, right? They're feeling like they maybe don't matter or, or they might be left in the dust as this woman comes in and monopolizes the ideologies and the time and right attention of their wonderful parent. And so we have to understand that a stepmoms, it's a transitional role. Some days you're going to be the leading lady, some days you're just going to be the stagehand, and some days you're not going to be on the scene at all. And the quicker that we all realize this, the better off we're going to be. And that is a quote from an amazing woman who has an incredible body of work, Nadja Hall. And she's the founder of the community called Blended and Black. Step parenting can be a challenging gig. And I just so happen to be grateful to have a wonderful stepdaughter who had this to say about the journey, shall I say, her own experience of having a stepmom.

I'm really lucky because Stacy, yes, the host of the show, is my actual stepmom. And believe it or not, when she first became my stepmom, it wasn't a totally smooth road. I was really sad on their wedding day because I thought that my relationship with my dad wasn't going to be as close anymore because they were getting married. And I'm sure that a lot of step kids have that feeling on the wedding day between their stepparent and parent. But what was a game changer with me was that Stacy didn't try to make me feel wrong about that and she didn't try to change my mind. She didn't try to tell me that I was selfish for feeling that way. She just honored my feelings and, and told me it was okay to feel that way. And she said, I'll never forget it on their wedding day. Someday we'll look back and laugh that.

This is how you felt.

And she was right. Because now I am the sort of behind the scenes woman for Stacy and Tom. My dad in their business and I work with them and talk with them and text with them. All day, every single day. So I couldn't be closer with my dad and Stacy. And I just wanted to say happy Mother's Day, mom, too. I really could not imagine my life without you, and I love you so much.

Oh, that's so precious. Love that girl. And, yes, it was a really bumpy, rocky start for us. And step parenthood can be a rocky start. But listen, I have this tip for stepmoms out there. If we attempt to enroll someone in feeling different than how they truly feel by criticizing, minimizing, or trying to shut down what's coming up for them, it's not going to change the way that they feel. Actually, it will intensify the feelings that we're attempting to stop. However, if we listen to and hear the feelings right, yes, overriding your own jealousy and anger, they pass like a bad case of gas. For real. And relief and acceptance will be the experience on the other side. We can't change the way that somebody feels, but we can understand it and we can share the way that we feel with another. And that was the game changer for Brookie and I, and I am so grateful for her as well. So the last round is we're going to talk about foster moms. We can't have this conversation about the many faces of motherhood without talking about the foster moms or the adoptive parents. We want to honor you today as well.

Yeah. And we honor the heart inside you that compels you to help and serve children in need.

It is such an act of compassion.

Your heart is beautiful. And I bet sometimes you forget when we're busy loving, working with and bringing children in need into your lives and homes with no idea what is going to happen next.

And I think that's something that people don't really understand about bringing foster kids and adoptive kids into their house. You bring it into your life, and you really have no idea what's going to happen, because we're not really quite sure the impact and the creation of where they come from, but we are going to do our best to love them anyway. That's so amazing.

And you are a. You are mothering a child you didn't birth. Each foster mom story is unique, and we applaud you for the gift you are to us all.

Yes, we applaud you. You are such a gift to us all. Even in the hard days, even when the days you go, why did I do this? Holy cow, I can't believe I'm doing this. What was I thinking? And maybe the support person that you have in your life is feeling the same way. We so applaud you today. So there's some overall takeaways from our conversation today. And thank you again to all those who have shared. There's three things that we really want you to take away from our conversation around moms and motherhood today.

Yeah. Number one is all motherhood deserves. A moment of gratitude.

I so agree with you. Because gratitude for the fact that we're all here and that life has been given and that in regardless of where that comes from, there's been a form of nurturing that's helped and brought us to the people that we are today that deserves a moment of thanks.

Number two, motherhood is new creation, ultimately nurtured to full expression.

So wherever motherhood, energy and power and spirit takes you in your journey, your own journey of motherhood, I want to encourage you to honor that, to embrace that and realize that wherever you find yourself, yourself in this moment along the journey, it's perfect for you and the things that we need to learn with inside of ourselves. Remember, we all have a journey with inside of ourselves. And I have many times with my six children that was a ride that we'll talk about another time. But there were times. There were only two that were planned and the others were caveats. And as I look back over my own life, they were perfectly timed for who it is I needed to become. And those of you who feel inspired to not have children at all, but want to put your motherhood energies onto something else, go for that. It's time. We need you.

And number three is suspend our judgment of ourselves and each other as we are all doing the very best we know how. And I love this. This is a Tony Robbins quote, best I know, but he says no. I think this is where I heard it. No matter how thin we slice it, there's always another side to the story.

I love that. That's so true. Well, so listen, we are gonna land this episode of the Heart of the Matter. Again, thank you so much for all of the people that contributed to making this special. But we have a fairy dust moment. And a fairy dust moment is something that you can do, too. You can go to stacybartley.com and go to our podcast page and you'll see the opportunity to leave a fairy dust moment for somebody that you care about. But we have another incredible person who has impacted our lives recently. His name is Nathan Mum. And he has this very dust moment in honor of his mom, Connie, that we want to play for you in this segment of Our show.

Hi, this is Nathan Mum, host of techtime Radio with Nathan Mum on KKNW and the Love Shack Live. Asked me if I'd be interested in talking about my mom for their upcoming Mother's Day show. And absolutely. My mom, Connie is one of the best. She's always been there for me and my brother growing up. My brother and I are 13 years apart so she had to essentially have two single children that she raised. But my mom was caring, loving as. As most parents were. But specifically what stands out is that my mom would take me to baseball practices, basketball practices, all the sporting events that I soccer practices, all the sporting events. And she would sit there in her car during the practices and wait until I was done. She wouldn't just drop me off and then come back and pick me up. She would then attend all the games. Whether it was a two hour baseball game or a 90 minute soccer game. She was always there cheering me on even if I wasn't the best athlete at the time. And sitting on the bench whenever I'd get in, she'd yell and scream from the sidelines and give me all the support that she could. So I would just like to say thank you to Connie. My mom has been a great inspiration to me and even to my spouse as. As we got married. So wish her a happy Mother's Day. And for everybody out there, I'm sure your mothers are great also in love it.

That's so great. Thank you Nathan so much for honoring your mom. And I'm going to take a moment and just invite all of us to honor our moms in whatever capacity. Capacity that is and with inside of ourselves. Right. If it was a challenging ride, there are things that you got out of that. There are things that you want to do, be and become because of that and. And if there was an inspiring ride. Right. Embrace that and be thankful for that. We have reasons to be thankful for all of those many journeys of our. Of our lives.

We had just a site. We had Nathan's co host Mike Gorday in last week's episode so you can check it out. It was all about technology and how they affect relationships. So yeah, they've done some great work on our s. Our station KK&W. So thank you Nathan. That was. Sounds like Nathan was blessed to have a wonderful mom.

Yeah. Well, because we know that people in addition to us have a great deal to say about relationships and how they go and. Right. We want to also be a place inside the love shack here where people can spread some love and share their perspectives and their ideas and their super tips on love and relationships as well. The this is the reason we have created Spread Some Love. We get super tips from others. And today our super tip comes from Marilyn Milano with many faces. And she has this to share with us today on our super tip for Spread Some Love.

Hi, I'm Marilyn Milano and I have a show called Love Has Many Faces, which helps animals, and it airs here on 1150 KKNW. Just like Tom and Stacy's show now. I love that their show is really dedicated to helping people have amazing, wonderful relationships because so many times, so many of us settle, we think that something's the best we can do. We tell ourselves the grass isn't always greener. We stay with something that's actually harmful to us or hurtful to us. And if you're like me and single, maybe you get sick of it sometimes. I was married, divorced, you know, went through the boyfriend thing and those didn't work out. And so I've been on my own for a while, and a lot of times I feel like, wow, you know, it would just be nice to have a companion again. But I do know this, having the wrong person in your life is way worse than doing things by yourself. And one thing that I've discovered that I hope you will discover, too, if you haven't already is that when you're on your own, you get a chance to really determine what makes your soul happy. And I just want to encourage everyone who's not doing this already to dig in there, find out what makes your soul sing. Is it saving animals? Is it learning to play the piano? Is it going skiing? Is it helping children? Is it working out and getting fit? Whatever it is that makes you happy and brings light and joy into your life, this is the best time of all. While you're on your own with nothing encumbering you to do that. Because then when you do meet someone, if you do, you come to that relationship whole. You come to that knowing who you are, knowing what your boundaries are. And you may choose not to have a relationship. And that's okay. Many people have, you know, said, I'm done with that. So this isn't to judge whether or not it's better to be single or with someone. I will be honest. Personally, I would rather have a nice partner in my life. But I don't want to settle for someone. I don't want a warm body on my couch just to have somebody here. And in the meantime, I am enjoying being completely true to who I am, speaking my peace, doing my thing and living the best life I can and hopefully bringing people into my circle who will resonate with that. So you're great how you are and where you are. Keep up whatever you're doing that's working for you. Just a few words of encouragement. Thank you so much and have a great rest of your week.

Yeah, all I want to do is go. Yeah, go girl, do it. And that's such great advice for all of us. Right? When we're single and we're looking to do better next time is we have to remember that it all starts with inside of ourselves. We can't do it all on our own. But I like to say, hey, if you've got enough dealing with yourself, then maybe it's time to just focus on that. And when you naturally get to the place where you want more, that's a great time to step into relationships. So be you, right? After all, everybody else has already taken so. Okay, I know it's another time for a drum roll. Eric, we have a giveaway to give as we land this episode. We promised you that we were going to. Absolutely, absolutely. As part of the fun list.

Got to be on the fun list first Thursday every month. This is our very first one and there's great synchronicity.

I know and I'm so excited because today we get to give away a copy of our dear friend Sherry who's already spoke with us but she's going to speak with us again really quickly. We're going to give a copy of her book away. So you know what, Eric, here's the thing. We need you to choose a number between 1 and 100 and we are going to go down the list here of have numerored email sign ups here for people who are on the actual fun list and we're going to choose the winner from there. So what's the number, Eric?

16, 16.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15. Oh, I'm gonna turn the page. Top of the page is we have an email address. It's K S C H N E I D at. I'm going to leave that part out.

So we'll reach out to you.

She's in Los Angeles. We're gonna send you an email letting you know that today you have won. Oh, the copy. Oops. Oops, I can't say it now. This is Sherry's book. She honored her mom earlier in the show. We couldn't be more excited about that. Okay, so let's land this episode, babe, I think it's time to kind of bring it in, right? Kind of summarize it up. I can't believe it's over. These are always the funnest, most wonderful days of the week and they go by so fast. Funnest hour in the whole wide world, I think.

I think grammatically it would be most fun. My mom used to say funnest.

My mom funnest.

My mom would say, honey, that's a double negative bit. For those of that are grammatic, I just, just, it just brought mom. See mom, we're still listening. That's a double negative.

Okay. We also in every episode we have a theme song and today's theme song is Reba McIntyre's you're gonna be. And if you haven't or not familiar with the song, I encourage you to Google it on YouTube until we get it up on the podcast page and placed on our Spotify playlist. That, by the way, we create every single week. We have a theme theme song for the episodes because we want you to feel it. And there's nothing better to help us feel the essence of an episode than music. It's a beautiful song. To moms. Bottom line is this. Motherhood is a choice that we make every day. Whether you're growing a dream or you're growing a child, we put someone or something else ahead of our own needs and wants. We teach as we learn as moms the hard lessons as we strive to do the right thing when and ofttimes we don't even know what that right thing is. I encourage you to seek forgiveness for yourselves over and over and over again for doing everything wrong. It seems from time to time, especially when we look back over what could have been done in the future, please allow us to remind you that today, right, we are doing the very best that we can. And today that is absolutely, absolutely good enough.

Want to give a thank you to everyone, especially to our incredible people that helped us, Trevor Blake, Sherry Ballou, Nathan Mull, Marin Milano, and our daughter Brooke Brown for their personal shares and insights. We couldn't have done this show without. Make sure you come back next week. We've got another, another episode that's going to really contribute. Contribute to you.

Yeah.

Thanks for being here with us, guys. See you next week.

Thanks for joining us today in the the Love Shack. We hope you came away with something that made your toes tingle. We recommend you keep that good feeling going by getting on our fun list where you'll stay inspired and have the chance to win. Cool, fun stuff. Join the fun list@stacybartley.com fun that's staceybartley.com fun love the show. Help us spread the love by sharing the show the show with others. You can find Love Shack Live along with our past episodes. Wherever you listen to podcasts, you'll also catch us on YouTube and Facebook. And if by chance you're needing help and support for any of your relationship challenges, visit stacybartley.com that's S T A C I B A R t l e y.com okay, everybody, time to go. We gotta close the doors to the Love Shack for this week. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Come back next week, though, and join us for another edition of Love Shack Live with Tom and Stacy Bartley.