#50: Love & Relationships: How To Rekindle Your Intimacy And Passion

Hey, thanks for coming. Welcome to the Love Shack.

Hey, welcome to the Love Shack. It's a little old place where we get to get together, explore fresh perspectives and eavesdrop on juicy conversations and uncover the mysteries that nobody talks about, but absolutely influences our relationships. If you are struggling with your special someone, this show is dedicated to helping couples rescue their relationships. I'm Stacy Bartley and I'm here with my co host and lover, Tom. Together for the past decade, we have been teaching and mentoring singles and couples from around the world with the sole purpose of helping them create and experience what we call love for a lifetime and the relationships both with themselves and with others.

Absolutely. Thank you so much. I know I say this, I'm really excited about this week. I mean, I'm gonna have a hard time not, not I have to follow my wife's orders and don't, don't, don't share the surprise. But no, all kidding aside, you're gifting us your time. We do everything we can to make it valuable. And we have some awesome, awesome. We have an incredible guest that will.

For sure, as our engineer said, it's spicy. So what is it?

Spicy. So thank you for wherever. You're listening live on your podcast. Wherever. Thank you so much.

Yeah, so today we're gonna get ready to get our sexy on. And I know that sometimes thinking about getting our sexy on brings up a lot of feelings. It brings up a lot of experiences inside of our body. So let me just ask our listeners right now, or those of you watching us on YouTube or Facebook, what happens when you think of the words sexual, romance, sensuality? Do they make you curious? Do they make you uncomfortable? Or maybe a little bit of both? Most of us as human beings experience an emotional response when we hear these words, both in the feelings or emotions that they kick off for us as well as the sensations in our bodies. They can also bring a lot of confusion, conflict, guilt, other feelings that come trickling right behind us. And that occurs also for many of us. I want to kind of create us a container today as we embark on this wonderful, spicy, romantic, fun. Delightful, incredible. Maybe a little scary, too. It might make your armpits sweaty, but hang with us because it's sure to expand your perspective. And some of these conversations that we need to have and the containers that I want to create for us is romance. It's a desire to feel special. Sex, it's intercourse or the action of achievement towards climax or orgasm. And sensuality. Well, that's an experience utilizing our five senses that brings us Pleasure. And that can be unique to every single one of us in a very unique and profound way. So as we step into this conversation about sex, romance, sensuality, it's going to cause us to expand, explore, to get curious and whatever it brings up for you is absolutely a great place to be. I'm honored to embark on this conversation with the queen of sexuality and sensuality and playfulness, Jay Siren. Her story is incredible. Together we're going to share our stories of how it is we feel about expressing our own sexuality, getting our sexy on sensuality, and Tom gets to bring in the male perspective because sometimes we think these are just struggles that women have when indeed it's a male and female conversation that absolutely must be.

Yeah, I would say it's even, it's a human conversation. So take a pause, take a breath. I know we threw a lot at you. And really, you know what, just, just allow yourself to, to embrace these parameters as, as Stacy shared with us and, and just, you know what, take what works, leave the rest behind and you know what, grab your favorite beverage and let's go. Let's go.

It's all going down right here in the love shack and it promises to be a very stimul. Be right back. Don't miss it.

Here's what one of Stacey Bartley's clients says about working with her.

Working with Stacy has been life changing in a very magical way. I wanted to work with Stacy when I left a long term marriage because I didn't want to repeat any of my relational, how would you say, unhealthiness. I'm so amazed how she has taken her experience and wrapped it into her own program. A program that is designed specially for you. For anyone that moves forward with her. She's unique, she's profound, she's, she's magical. She has a love for others that is unmatched and it would be a gift to yourself to work with standard Stacy.

Learn the simple three step system to rescue your struggling relationship by registering for Stacy's brand new free workshop. Reserve your seat by going to stacybartley.comworkshop.

Are you ready to venture off the beaten path? Expand your mind, raise your consciousness and open your heart. Allow me to entice you with interviews with amazing souls from around the world. Indulge in history, mystery, science and spirituality. There's weekly skin tips, live esoteric readings and answers to life's burning questions. So come join me, Sakura, your host intuitive medium and spiritual hypnotherapist. Each Wednesday at 2 to 3pm right here on KKNW for Love from the hip.

Hi, I'm Nathan mum, host of Techtime Radio with Nathan Mum on KKNW. Techtime Radio's live show is Saturday from 4 to 6 p. And you can always check us on the web@techtimeradio.com our segmented, stylized radio gives you the breaking news before it hits mainstream media. Join myself and Mike Grede as we'll make you laugh.

That's good.

Hooked on Vonics.

Worked for you, didn't it? Just a little bit.

And learning something new in technology. Join us Saturdays 4 to 6pm and Thursdays from 6 to 7am the technology show for the everyday common person.

Easy on the ears, good for the Soul. Alternative Talk 1150.

Welcome back, everybody. Love Shack Live. Great to have you inside the love shack. For this week's episode, we're gonna step right into the heart of the matter.

Yeah, I think there needs to be a little backstory. You know how Tom and I always talk about the follow the fun moment. You know, where there's. There's a place where we get to bring in sexuality, sensuality, play and novelty. It's a segment we do every single week on our show. And the reason why I bring this up right now, it's because of this reason that Jay Siren is even here with us in the house in the love shack. And let me explain just really briefly. There is a wonderful neighbor that we have. Her name is Donnie. To protect her identity. I won't give her last name, but she's fantastic. She's a really good friend of Tom and I's. She lives right next door. And periodically, pretty much weekly, we go down and get a beer and share some time together. In one particular beer session of us talking and sharing, she asked, hey, you guys, I just watched this burlesque show on Netflix and you gotta watch it. It's incredible. And so we were. We came home from our little excursion with Donnie and we sat down and, you know, of course searched it up on Netflix. And we were up all night watching the show and it opened up this incredible conversation. So the next morning, I'm texting Donnie saying, hey, Donnie, that show was absolutely fantastic. And then. And then she said, you want to take a class? And I went, yeah, I think I want to take a class. That would be so cool. You mean like a burlesque class? And she's like, yeah. I said, I'm in. She goes, okay, I'm on. Is like Dr. Google extraordinaire. So here she is searching up, and then she says, I found this woman, Jay Siren, in Sacramento. She's doing workshops. She's done all kinds of things. She's got the Siren Academy. She's brought burlesque to Sacramento. I think this is our woman. I said, oh, okay, tell me. And the next thing you know, we're looking for workshops, and the only thing we could find was a. A party, a gathering, an event that she was having called Club Shimmy. And I said, I'm going. And Donnie's like, oh, I don't know if I can go there. Okay, I'm in. And Tom's like, okay, how am I going to break the news to Tom? Guess what, honey?

We're gonna go to a Club Shimmy.

Party, and you're gonna love it. It's gonna be so great. You're gonna have a great time. And thank goodness for me that Tom is an incredible sport.

He is.

I mean, if I say, hey, let's do this, I think it's going to be really fun. He's like, okay, what now? What is this about again? Which is kind of where you went.

Yeah, I mean, in all fairness, I mean. Yeah, I try to be, you know, stretch myself and get outside my comfort zone. I said, honey, now are we sure on this one? And so we devised a plan. We said, okay, we'll go late, then we can. Then we said, no, no, no. We're gonna go early beforehand, get a seat. And then last time I checked, they're not gonna lock us in. If we don't like it, we'll leave. So that's what we did.

So we had no idea what we were walking into.

Not a clue.

Not a clue.

Not a clue.

And so that was how we were holding hands. I remember us walking hand in hand into a beautiful place called the Flamingo House, for those of you who live in Sacramento here. And it was really a moment of, like, courage for us where we were like, okay, honey, we're gonna go in. We're gonna see what's here. We know we love to dance. We love music. They're gonna be incredible people. In the ad, it was promised that it was gonna be like Hoopers and dancers and burlesque performers. And having just watched the show, this is a whole new world for us. And it's like, okay, let's go. So we go in, you guys. It was absolutely off the hook. It was absolutely one of the funnest times that Tom and I have ever had.

And I would. I would just say just a huge shout out to Jay. I mean, everyone there. I mean, I mean, I know I look pretty good for my age, but I was old enough to be most of these people's parents, if you will, and. But did not feel any different than anyone else there. Total class and respect and acknowledgement for everyone there. Everyone is appreciated and respected and honored as a fellow human. Human being. And that's it. So. Could not be more impressed.

So while Jay and I are shaking our our thing on the dance floor, I said, jay, I got a radio show and I think you need to come on Vegas.

That's really how it went down.

What did Club Shimmy look like?

It kind of looked like this.

Kind of looked like this.

And you know what? I got this really cool fan. It's incredible. And I saw these beautiful dancers. In fact, Jay had one and she was dancing and doing her moves and she was fan herself. And I was like, oh, I gotta have.

And I would just say for our listeners that are listening on the podcast, you know, remember that we're live on YouTube and also Facebook at Love Shack Live show. And so if you want to see what that looks like, you can catch it out there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Long story short, we put our sunglasses on and there's this incredible fan. So. Okay.

And I would just say we like to say this was an ooh la la moment. How about that?

Okay, so let me formally introduce our guest today. Jay Siren is a sensuality coach and a burlesque performer. She's also a connector of people and talents. We experience that at Club Shimmy. She's also a leader in building community and her journey began in the event production and live entertainment in 2007 and has ever since evolved her career as a speaker and arts educator. A movement and intimacy coach, Jay coaches her clients and students towards empowered sensual embodiment through inspiring, healthy pleasure and intuitive movement practices. It's her mission to realize that through group workshops and retreats, one on one coaching and public events, that sensuality, playfulness, being comfortable in this place where we can own our bodies, feel good in our bodies and move our bodies is available to us all. So without further ado, Jay, welcome to the show. It is so great to have you here. I've been so excited since I met you to have this conversation. I. Hey, say hello.

Hi, Tom and Stacy. Or.

Yeah.

Gosh, what a pleasure it is to be here. I'm sitting here backstage just laughing at how adorable and beautiful your connection is. It's such a treat to be on your show.

Oh, thank you so much. And Eric, so that those of us who are on YouTube can get an idea of what Jay does in her burlesque. She is in her element when she's dancing and moving with her sensuality. I would love for you to show us the picture of the queen and those of you who are listening on the podcast. This is a woman who is adorned with a crown, with feathers, with a red dress, with a very sexy, sensuous thing, but yet there's no nudity. It is this wonderful, delightful combination of striking your sensuality, your sexuality, and your senses without showing anything. And I would say that was the thing that I was impressed about the most at Club Shimmy is this. And I think that's what burlesque is all about. I can't wait to have Jay share with us more about that. But there's this allure when you show just enough but not too much. And hopefully she can talk about that with her arts, information and wisdom. So there you go. There's a picture of her. We'll show you a couple more here in our conversation. But, Jay, you know, because of what you do and where you are in this moment, I've got to ask the question of, were you always this comfortable in your body and with the idea of pleasure? Because that's something so many of us struggle with. Sure.

I think as a woman, particularly, although I know, like, you know, male identifying, humans have their own set of kind of socialized insecurities, if you will, that were raised to kind of take into us. You'll have to forgive me. Every time I smile, my right earbud keeps falling out. So I'm just, like, adjusting it. But it's for a good reason, I promise. Anyway, so, yeah, I think that as a young woman growing up, I was fortunate to be raised in Hawaii, where we have that kind of tropical beach environment. And so the human body was pretty normalized to me. Always. Even outside of the relationship that I had with my own body, the idea of people being comfortable in their skin was not foreign to me because everywhere I was, I saw something skin growing up. Right. So that was wonderful. My burlesque journey, though, started when I was about 21 years old, just turned 21, had moved from Chicago to Hawaii, where as soon as I got old enough, I was like, I gotta get off the rock. You know, you grow up on an island, you don't appreciate it. So I got myself to the mainland, and as a young woman growing up, you know, I've always had a relative, excuse me, relatively healthy body image. However, you know, it's like the little things that Happen that somebody says in passing or, you know, that come from our parents, oftentimes, you know, our own mothers don't really realize what they're communicating to us. That gets internalized in reflection of our own sense of, you know, worth and wholeness in our bodies. And so for me, the journey to burlesque was pretty powerful in that I never necessarily intended to be on stage. My background has always been very production oriented, organizational. I love that back end of that kind of entertainment landscape. And so as my journey progressed in burlesque, I ended up hosting our shows, got on stage that way, then ended up eventually performing in our, like, group sketches and acts, then became a soloist. And through all of that and through supporting my team and their own, like, self discovery and comfort with their bodies, you know, we're able to project a certain image sometimes. But the reality is that even if I'm on stage in pasties at the end of an act, feeling so comfortable in that moment and accomplished and alive and happy, it's still up to me every single day when I wake up out of bed to make the choice to harness that feeling and still kind of embrace that energy. So in terms of overall self confidence, body confidence, that's something that's been, you know, a lifelong journey. And thankfully, because of the catalyst of burlesque, I kind of pushed through all of that in the decade of my twenties pretty ferociously by kind of aggressively seeking experiences that would force me to question that aspect of myself and push myself toward that growth. Now in my mid-30s, I find myself settled into a whole different space with it, where I am more comfortable with my body than ever at levels that in my 20s, I couldn't have even imagined. Hilarious that I couldn't have even imagined. And simply because I hadn't been there yet. It's like the real. The real deep foundational confidence between me and my body came more in times that I was alone in nature, in times that I was alone in the mirror, not the times that I've been on stage. Now, what I'm able to bring to stage and to any performative environment is a reflection of that internal work. But that did not happen in front of a crowd that. Yeah, well, and, you know, for me, it kind of came opposite in that I had those stage opportunities first. And so working backwards, kind of pulling it back to that private place, that's where. That's where a lot of that came from. Which is why my practice has developed the way that it has too. From just strictly teaching burlesque performance to Moving more into this, like, intuitive movement kind of pleasure sphere, because that's where a lot of this came out of for me, ultimately.

I love that you point that out. I want to point out to our listeners. It's been my experience, as well as those clients that I have served over the years, too, that are working on this connection with our bodies and learning how little by little, we don't think of it as a journey that we get better and better and better at as we embark on it. I don't believe, at least it's been my experience in. In 57 years on the planet at this point in time that that journey ever stops. Right. It's. It's a constant thing that you're exploring and expanding. And would you say that's true, too, babe?

Yeah. And I would just, you know. Thank you, Jay. That was really a powerful Sharon. I mean, I've spent, not recently, but in a lot of years, you know, not in burlesque, perhaps. Maybe in my future.

Maybe, maybe.

But I mean, in doing some very, very rigorous, intense bicycle riding and hanging out with some really intense endurance athletes. And I would say I had a similar experience. So unless you have that foundation to draw on, which comes from time in the saddle. In my case, it was a bike saddle that wasn't very big. They used to call mine the Barca Lounge because it was like, not like an ounce or two, but anyway.

And what you're alluding to is just time where you get to connect with your body and nature, with yourself.

You know, you always like to say, unless we press upon something to expand us, that you're not going to have that foundation, you know, So I really appreciate that analogy, Jay. That's. I can, you know, I chose to do it in a way that really, I mean, I went too far. But nevertheless, it gave me a lot of things that I now transfer over into other parts of my life, because I know it's there.

Two things I think are fascinating. One, men's men. This is a journey for them, too. Sometimes we think it's only a woman.

Absolutely.

Two, that it's always a journey that's unfolding. And I love what you said, Jay, where you said it's an ever unfolding thing and that you couldn't imagine in your 20s where you are in your 30s. And I had a very similar journey, too. So those who were maybe holding back and thinking, oh, wow, no, it's. I'm too old, I'm too heavy, I'm too something. No, you're not. Right. Those are all the fears and the thoughts inside of ourselves that keep us in this place that we can't try something new. And just like Tom and I said when we were stepping into Club Shimmy, having no idea what we were stepping into, it was an exploration. And the place that we kept as a safety ground was, hey, look, we can leave if we feel uncomfortable.

And in all fairness, I didn't see too many others that were probably my age. But again, I just can't. I can't acknowledge you, Jay. And everyone, the. The reception we felt there was no. And that would be only my baggage because it wasn't demonstrated at all by anybody else.

I totally agree. And even though I was a young girl who loved to be naked as a kid, like, my mom ended up sewing me clothing that button down the back because every time I'd go out to play with my friends, I would come home naked. I mean, I couldn't figure out why it is we had to wear clothes.

They were restricted, ladies and gentlemen. Just kidding.

My final woman.

And even with that, because of my religious upbringing, like you said, Jay, parents, you know, conversations, you know, I went through my own insecurities, and I'm continuing to blossom to this day about. Right. Expanding that concept of who I am in my body, sensuality wise, romantic wise, sexually. And I want. I just want to paint the picture again because I think it deserves an exclamation point that this is a journey that is always unfolding for all of us if we will embark on it.

And I would just add that, you know, my perspective as a male, I think there's a lot of really unfair expectation and, and obligation and all those other acronyms and synonyms that would be. That's placed on the female and the female energy than the male. But us males, we don't have this whole thing figured out. We just have, you know, Phyllis, it's Saturday night. And you know, here in the Smith house on Saturday night, you know, that's our special night. And that's about it. That's about the extent of our, you know, imagination.

Don't you love the male perspective there? That's hilarious.

There it is, guys. I think you both, in your own way, just said it differently. But essentially, I think that this. The entire umbrella that all of these conversations belong under is with this theme of process over product, right? You don't blink your eyes and become confident. You don't blink your eyes and have sensual embodiment. You don't blink your eyes and have a beautiful, strong partnership with a lover. You can explore things with, with curiosity. None of that happens overnight. And I think that if we as human beings kind of pay a little bit, get a little bit more in tune to our stopping points, the, the places we feel that resistance, you know, and maybe question where that's coming from. Remember that it's a process conversation. So that kind of releases a little bit of the pressure. You know, it's like I think internally, especially when it comes to the topics of romance, sexuality, sensuality, a lot of people are triggered with that anxiety response, which is a response to lived experiences, religious upbringing, all the different factors that we go through, right. So when you get to that place where you're at the conscious beginning of this adult reckoning and kind of becoming into your sensual atmosphere, just start by like taking that deep breath and mentally just twisting the knob, you know what I mean? Twist that knob, let a little steam out and realize that there is no wrong and there is no right. It's all just right here, you know, and then there's no more expectations. We get so attached to expectations when it comes to ourselves, to other people, our achievements, our sex or whatever. But that is more defeating and diminishing than empowering. Enriching 100% of the time, if you ask me.

Mm, 100%. In fact, the minute that sex becomes obligatory, we like to say it happens in your imagination. And if we lose connection with our imagination and it becomes obligation, you're dead in the water. It's going to become very process oriented, right. There's no other way around it. And yet, number one is where we all come from. And two, it's one of the most life giving things energetically, emotionally that we can do for ourselves. Right.

And I would say that if you just look at, if it's not happening in your own immediate relationship and world, I would assert, love that word, that it's going to happen somewhere. It's either going to happen on the back side or the front side. Because I'd like to say that one, I would feel pretty strongly prove me wrong. Otherwise that is just a human component. And so to not, like you said Jay, to not just get this out onto the table and Yes, I would. I don't know if there's any more triggering three words than what you just shared that what this episode is about because it brings you're. That's being filtered through heavens, heaven knows the amount of story and cultural, religious, I mean, you name it. I mean you're so, you know, take a pause like you said Jay, and just allow yourself to breathe. And there's no right or wrong way that this has to go other than what works for.

And I want to give a shout out to all the. All the ladies in the house that right now are going, yeah, but my man won't do this. Yeah, but that can't happen for me because they're not romantic. Yeah, but I would. I want you to understand that this is very much a private journey, and you get comfortable here with yourself. You can go places you never dreamed of, and it's really not about the other person. So with that idea in mind, Jay, I want to ask you, help us start this journey like those who are listening to us today. What is it that I need to know to embark on the journey of exploring my sexuality, my sensuality? And ladies, if you're wanting romance in your life, I always love to say, then create some. Right? Don't sit around and wait, because that's just going to make you angry and frustrated, right? And that's going to create a lot of problems and a lot of fights in your relationship. So if you want romance, if you want somebody to be romantic, teach them what that is for you, and then start embarking on your own journey of sensuality, being comfortable in your body, expressing that and exploring that. Because I promise you, start doing that, oh, they're going to pay attention, right? They are going to notice. There's no way about it. They're going to pay attention. So I'd love your thoughts on that. Help us get started on this journey. Jay.

Yeah, I definitely agree with you. I would even take it a step further as to say, you know, start by treating yourself the way that you want your lover to treat you. So you say, you know, you're craving romance, you're not getting it in your partnership. So create that romance. I'm going to go ahead and say, before you even externalize any of that, create it for yourself. And what does that mean? Start with your sensory experience. How do you like to receive sensory stimulation in a sensual environment? Do you light candles?

What.

What does it smell like? What are your favorite smells? What kind of lighting kind of puts you in that mindset and mental space and experiment. It's different for everybody, and it could be many different things for you. So the journey, when you say exploration and curiosity, I think a lot of times the reason that starts with us is because as soon as we integrate a partner into this, then the communication becomes, well, what do you like? What turns you on? What are you into? And a lot of times, you know, we crave that communication with a partner. We get to that point and then we're like, oh, I don't know what I like. I don't know what's meaningful to me. I don't know what feels good to me. Right. And so the confidence to have that communication, I think in a way that ends up being really sustainable, is to take the time first to spend that time on yourself. And that could look. Look like a bunch of different things. It could look like a little more self care that takes a slightly more sensual tone. And as you defined at the beginning of this episode, and you know, I just mentioned, a great way to start with that is to draw upon your sensory experience. We all know what feels good when we look at it, at least in the moment. Oh, this lighting is very pleasing to my eyes. I like the way that I, you know, it's bouncing off of me in the mirror. Right. So, like, drink yourself in a little bit and take it slow. And then as you start discovering the things that really ignite you. Ooh, I love the smell of rose. Right. It just, you know, triggers this feeling inside of me. Well, start keeping a little note sheet if you want to. Whether it's mental, whether it's written down, whether it's an audio or video recording of yourself just telling yourself what you like and what makes you feel good and be able to verbalize that and hear yourself verbalize that. Very powerful. Then when you take it to your partner, you can easily and fluidly and confidently share that information in a way that makes it easier for them to pick up and move with you on, you know what I mean? Understanding.

Ooh.

You know, she loves a sandalwood scented candle because it makes her feel like she's in the woods. And being in nature is the most sensual space that she can be in. Maybe I'm going to find a way to recreate the idea of the night sky stars in our bedroom so that we can have you see what that happens there. So it's like you're helping your partner help you by helping yourself first.

I love that we teach a lot about teaching your partner how to love you best and what you've just described as a process that we talk about in the process of translating your own thoughts and feelings into a language that first you can understand so that you can eventually share it with your partner. That's very important.

And I would say, Jay, that was like, the most delicious. What we like to say specificity in your relationships is like catnip for your soul. And that was definitely Catnip right there.

Yeah. See where that took us? I mean, all of us were on a journey there. Like, oh, my gosh, like stars and like, you could turn the lights off. I've always thought one of those little lanterns, you know, that you get for camping. Right. That really does it for me. I don't know why, you know, but turn that lantern on, man, and I'm all yours.

Well, and then it becomes a exciting to excite your partner because you've been empowered with some fuel that kind of takes away the insecurities we feel sometimes, like, oh, am I going to go through all this work? They're not even going to notice. Or, oh, I'm.

Oh.

You know, all these kind of type feelings really get dismissed when we take the time to know ourselves and share that. Now, I will admit that I am a, like, over articulator to death. I mean, communication is my game, and I love words and wordplay and all of that. I'm sure you can tell that all of that type of stuff weaves its way into my own bedroom preferences as well. But that's not for everybody. I understand. However, even these little steps can shoot you ahead miles as far as the evolution of communication within a partnership.

Yeah. And I just. That is. You're so. I just could not agree more, Jay. And for some reason, at least, Stacy and I, when we have the. The gift and pleasure to work with our clients, it seems like we forget that that specificity is like, unbelievable to our partner. Like, I mean, literally, if I have a. I do have the recipe for stay, so I know what it is. And so if I, you know, I want to experience the very finest experience each day, well, then why would I not do everything that I know that's going to just rock her world? I mean, like, give me the recipe. I got that one. I don't. What is the complaint we hear a lot of times from the male energies? I can't read their mind. Yes, we can't. So if you're going to give me the exact recipe, I'm all over that. Like, thank you.

Why wouldn't your house be full of lanterns?

Right. Just the front porch. I'm starting to see some tweaks already that we need to make in the bedroom, honey.

Radio friendly.

Radio friendly, Absolutely. So as we. As we kind of explore this. Right. I love that first step, like tech. Start taking notes of what turns you on, what makes you feel good, what makes you feel sexy. You mentioned something earlier that I really want to highlight as far as, like, mirror work. Like getting comfortable with viewing yourself in the mirror. But what if I'm, you know, it's a funny thing, as you look back in journals, there's always an extra $200 I need and I'm always trying to lose 20 pounds, you know, and so I think it's this conversation that we're always battling with, especially as women feeling like we need to be, you know, this certain size or this certain place inside of our lives. And that was one of the things I loved, by the way, when we saw your show, how refreshing it was to see full bodied, curvy women owning their bodies. And that in and of itself was absolutely breathtaking. It was beautiful. And I wish more of us could do that. Right. So how do I embark on that journey?

Well, you know what? It's a reframe. Because let me tell you, at the end of the day, it is those last, and I'm going to be very frank here, it is those last £20 that make you more fun to have sex with.

Okay?

You know what I mean? Like, think about it, think about it biologically, on the human level. Like when you as a woman allow yourself and of course be healthy, you know what I mean? Get out of the world, move your body, stay active, you know, keep your core strong, keep your circulation going, like all those things. But when we're talking about that, like devastating, devastating, like weight loss minutia, that we believe is important, that is a waste. Likely. There is no that little, that little part of your tummy that we all care about. Your man hasn't thought twice about that. And if he has, it's probably positive because it gives him something beautiful to hold on to while you two are being intimate together. Like really, it's just a reframe. It's all sitting down and identifying what those things are and then really breaking it down with logic. I mean, ask your. They do this in iterative program design thinking. So it's like ask yourself why five times, and if you can keep answering, keep peeling back the layers five times, then sure, I'll believe you. What's your platform? You know what I mean? This last £20 makes me undesirable as a physical sexual partner. Why? Okay, sure. But then why that? And then why that? And take it down and take it down and by the time you're done, I bet you'll find that those things that seem like barriers are barely obstacles, right? You just kick them over with your foot, get on with having fun. This is the only time that we have for these experiences. Right now. Which is why I think I've kind of found myself rooting my practice so deeply in sensuality. Because when you delve into your senses, you inevitably delve into the present moment. And there is nothing that makes your experiences more powerful, more meaningful, more pleasurable than being able to anchor into the present and actually be there for it wholly.

Eric, while. While we're thinking about it here, throw up. I love this picture of Jay. There's nothing more sexy to me too. I love to wear them just because fishnet stockings and. And Jay happens to have a pair of them on here. Jay, is there anything for those of you who are watching the video and can see this picture, Is there anything you want to tell us about where you were and what you were experiencing inside of yourself as you were having this picture taken?

You know, I could and it would be interesting, I'm sure. However, what I would like to offer is in this picture I'm actually illustrating one of the most powerful little things that I have learned to do to myself off of stage to re. Harness my mind, body connection. Get me back in my body in a moment, right? So in this picture, you see I'm wearing fishnets, my hand is grazing across the top of my thigh. So for me, when I am in any situation, right, I'm in a public situation, I may be a little socially anxious or uncomfortable with feeling awkward in my body. I'm talking to somebody new and want to remain really engaged in myself in the moment. Whatever I will gently, whether it's underneath a tabletop, whether it's in someone's view intentionally, whether it's just a secret sweet thing for me, gently run my fingertips from my knees, up the top of my thighs, all the way to around my pelvic bone and then back down. And just gently, lovingly, with a lot of personal kindness, just slowly drag those fingers up and down one or both sides. And that like sweet sensation that's created by the tingling that your fingers dragging create on your skin just anchors me right down into my body and stop and feel that for a moment. This for me has worked to measure down and move out of even an anxiety attack in the past. It's just a very grounding, very anchoring and can be also very sensual if you put that intention into it. Of course, thing that you can do just for yourself. And you know, people say put your hands together, put them over your heart, breathe. Like all these other little practices that we can weave into our emotional self management and sense of personal wellness. But for that mind Body anchor, slowly dragging your fingertips up your thigh. Man or woman doesn't matter. Honestly, it feels incredible in fishnets. Next time you're. And that's why I bring it up, because when you're wearing fishnets, it's even better. And just, just indulge in it. Indulge in it because it feels good just for the sake of it. Feeling good, pursuing pleasure for pleasure's sake and giving yourself the permission to enjoy that is a powerful step on the road to sensual embodiment. Those little permissions add up to big permissions. And that's kind of what this has been about today, I think.

Oh, I love that it is so well said, Jay. And, and so give us an idea as we kind of wrap up the show here. What does a day in the day of life Siren look like when she gets up in the morning? How does she keep herself in this space of feeling grounded and, and sexy and sensuous and the energy and the charge that that gives you? Because I also want to point out that this is life giving energy. Like, if you want to stay young, you want to stay engaged with life, you want to get excited about your future, about your relationship, about what you can do, it is from this energy that it all stems from the energy that we all come from. And that makes perfect sense, doesn't it?

Absolutely.

So give us some tips as we wrap up here. What does your day look like? What are some things that you do to keep yourself in the space that maybe we can take away and implement into our own lives as we say goodbye here today?

Sure. Well, first of all, I'd like to respond to that by saying, just like every other one of us on this planet, I'm a human being with good days and bad days. Some days I wake up with crust in my eyes and cramps in my uterus and frizz in my hair and a grumpy attitude on my face just like anybody else. So immediately give yourself the permission to understand that this is all a fluctuation, you know what I mean? And that being this way all the time is not realistic for anybody. But it's always a part of me. So even when I wake up grumpy and not feeling this way, I'm still this way, you know what I mean? And kind of having that internal balance energetically is what allows me to always be this way. But one practice that I love is I have like a five things deal, right? So when I wake up in the morning, there are five things that I do just for me before I do anything else in my day. Before I pick up my phone, before I anything to the world, I do five things just for me. What those include is I open my eyes, I come to life. I stop before doing anything, and I take a breath and I give myself a little body scan up and down. I say hello to my body. It's the first thing I do every day. I say, hello, body. It's nice to be with you. You know, I wiggle my toes. I've broken my wrists four times, so my hands often get cramped. I stretch my fingers out a little bit. I roll my head around my shoulders. And then I drink water. I drink a bunch of water. I love being hydrated. It's so meaningful for me. Drink a bunch of water. Third thing I do, put on some music. Music moves me. It puts me in a great mood. I have a couple playlists that I love in the morning. The Kora K O R A is a beautiful instrument that to me, is wonderful morning music. It just lets life be like a fairy tale. It's like the more you get to know yourself, the more you know how to manipulate yourself into the moods you want to be in.

Does that make sense.

For me?

Right?

So then I put on some music, I make my bed, I tidy my space, then I go brush my teeth and make some coffee, and then I'm ready for everybody else in the world. And that just reminds me that my most important relationship is with me. So what do I do to prioritize that? Even if it's just the first five, ten minutes of my day, that's what I do. And that's how it starts off. Connected and on the level. It feels good.

Yeah. And one of the things I love about being part of your Facebook group that I'll just say is I love that you post this video about or not video. Not one. It's many about you just expressing yourself. And one of my favorites that comes to mind is you being in nature in your rain boots that are way up to your. Way up to your kneecaps. And. And she's got a sweater on. And there's nothing sexy about this except for it's so sexy. And she's doing her thing in her rain boots in the middle of the woods. And I think that's the point, isn't it, people? Isn't that what we're all thinking about doing? Isn't that what this space of sensuality, sexuality, and getting your sexy on brings to us?

And you know how you do it? You just do it. You Put on the music that makes you want to move your hips naturally, and you just give yourself permission to go three songs. If you can just dance around for yourself and no one else for three songs, by the end of that third song, you will have changed. Your energy changes, the way your body feels changes. Everything changes. That's 10 to 15 minutes a day. Even if you did it three days a week, it would change your life. I promise. It changed.

Well, and it makes sense because again, scientifically, the absolute fastest way to change your state is move. I mean, it. It's proven. I'm not. I mean that you can. So why not use science and what we know? And it's amazing. Typically, when we're not doing well, what do most of us do is we shut down and we don't move. I mean, so literally, like you said, Jay, it doesn't take much time, you know, to. We're not talking about, you know, large chunks of time. We're talking about little snippets of time that give you a 10x return and what it does for you.

So as we wrap up and land this episode today, and by the way, I just want to say Jay's. Can you feel it today? Music. Music. There's nothing like music to help us feel right, to. To move our souls, to move our hearts, to connect us as human beings. And so we. We want you to know that Jay has chosen our song for today, and we will tell you about that in the. Can you fill a segment? But this is a song that she makes us. That she says makes her feel very, very sexy. So that's upcoming. But as we land this episode, let's each of us take a thought that we can impart as we say goodbye that we feel like is the greatest takeaway from our conversation today. Jay, you want to go first? Yeah.

I think let's let it be. This success on the journey to personal confidence and sensual embodiment comes from celebrating the process, not the product. There's no end cap. We're never done. So release the expectations and just embrace the idea that that continuation of the journey is what is most exciting.

I love that. What do you got?

Yeah, I would just add on that and said another way is, you know, we can never have enough of what we don't already have.

Right.

So what you just described, Jay, is like, again, not to be cliche. It's cliche because it's accurate. You know, so embody and step into and start, you know, expanding what it is that we want within ourselves, because that's the way life works. That's the way the universe designed us. And so these are. And I would say from the male perspective, some of these, I would say, not some. They're all, you know, gentlemen, believe me, the more that we can get into this place ourselves, I can assure you at least. Well, I would say from my own experience in our own relationship, there are many, many benefits.

Yes. You can become your own Don Juan. Right. This is the elements. And I would say regardless of where you are in your life or whatever might be happening right now, there's a conversation of two that's going on. I'm too old. I'm too fat. It's too late. I'm too broken. Right. I'm. I'm too something too heavy. And I want you to know that there is a whole life of romance, sexuality, sensuality, play, novelty, and experiences that you can have inside of your own body. If we can just give ourselves that permission that Jay talked about and get over the two. Like, go there, explore it. Let's just challenge yourself, see if you're right.

That's T o o is what Stacy's referring to. So. So, Jay, Jay, share with us. Where can people find out more about you and your incredible body of work?

Well, you can head on over to my website, which is jsiren.com j a y siren.com. like, is that appropriate or what?

Is that appropriate or what? Did you plan that? Or is that your real name? Did you plan that?

You know, my mom gave me my burlesque name just like the name on my birth certificate. So it feels real to me.

That's awesome. Yeah, that's awesome. Jay, thank you so much. It's been such a pleasure. You've contributed so many value bombs here and so many things that we can take away. And even for me, taking me on a journey of where I can even in incredibly deepen my own relationship with myself in this regard. So thank you so much. It's been a great conversation. I look forward to doing more with you.

Yes. You guys are wonderful. It's been such a pleasure to be here. Thank you to. Thank you for having me.

You betcha.

Alrighty.

Bye. We're going to take a break for a minute and just kind of let everything that we've talked about and those takeaways settle in. We'll be right back with a little bit of fun and. Ooh, what is it going to be today, honey?

Can't wait.

Oh, it's going to be related. Promise.

Here's what one of Stacy Bartley's clients says about working with her.

Working with Stacy has been life changing in a very magical way. I wanted to work with Stacy when I left a long term marriage because I didn't want to repeat any of my relational, how would you say, unhealthiness. I'm so amazed how she has taken her experience and wrapped it into her own program. A program that is designed specially for you, for anyone that moves forward with her. She's unique, she's profound, she's magical. She has a love for others that is unmatched and it would be a gift to your yourself to work with Stacy.

Learn the simple three step system to rescue your struggling relationship by registering for Stacy's brand new free workshop. Reserve your seat by going to stacybartley.com workshop.

Welcome back everybody. Tom and Stacy Bartley Love Shack Live. We just had a awesome smokey steamy. Yeah. We also shout out to our incredible engineer behind the scenes. Makes us look good, sound good and everything else. Eric, extraordinary writer. Thank you so much.

We're gonna step into the follow the fun moment.

Follow the fun.

And I have a fun little game based on what we just talked about today that I want to share with you. And it's called the yes no game.

Yes or no game.

And the yes no game goes a little something like this.

Well, it's pretty straightforward. But gentlemen, I mean it's yes or no. So I mean literally when you know, I mean as, as Jay shared, I mean when we can get really, when we have that permission and that safety with our intimate partner, husband, wife, spouse, partner, significant other, whatever, when we have that permission and safety in our relationship, especially with intimacy, it can literally get as simple as, you know, this particular, you know, whatever, I'm going to keep it radio friendly, but you can let your imagination do the work here. You know, yes or no. And I know when Stacy and I first came together, you know, I was, you know, my first wife. You know, thankfully we're still good friends. You know, we were together 24 years. So you know, you don't understand there's a whole new way when we're someone new and it's a whole different experience. So we literally, Stacy would say yes or no and I would start, you know, there's only two answers and here they are. Yes or no.

Yes. When it comes to exploring your sensuality and what lights you up, feels good, creates pleasure for you, I want to invite you to embark on the yes or no and no game. And by the way, people, those of you who are saying I don't know, because we get really squirrely here. We don't want to call it. No, that doesn't work. I'm sorry. Yes, it does. Do more of that. We feel like it always has to be a yes answer. And I want you to understand that no answers are just as important as yes answers. And if you find yourself, like, maybe I did or maybe Tom Dud. Oh, I don't know. I don't know. That's kind of the go to when it. When it really means I don't want to say say so a die. I don't know answer in the game of yes and no means. Okay, do it again so that I can make a choice.

Yeah. Or I would say. Or you're. You're just. Because you don't want to say no, because you're going to hurt that partner's feeling. Your partner's feelings. But I can assure you, remember, specificity is. Is really magical. It literally is catnip for the soul. It's catnip for the. For the intimacy, I can promise you. But it. It. I mean, I. I fumbled around like I had marbles in my mouth. I mean, it's. These are not complicated words, ladies and gentlemen. Are they? Yes and no. I mean, literally. I mean, but it's incredibly effective.

It is. And so pin yourself down. That's the key here in the yes no game. It's pinning yourself down. It's allowing yourself to have that permission. As we create a little play and exploration and expand our communication and conversations around what works for you and what doesn't. In these areas of pleasure, I invite you to play the yes or no game.

And I have. I have a joke. Can I share it?

A joke?

Yeah. We.

We were doing. Yes. No game.

I know, but this. This is fun.

Okay.

All right.

I guess there's always time for human.

Every once in a while, ladies and gentlemen, because I don't get a lot of time, you know, Stacy likes to hog the show.

But.

Okay, so Fred was. Fred was at this doctor, you know, for the. This friend Fred at the annual time where he had that. That, you know, the prostate, you know, exam. That's not the funnest thing for a male to go, you know, so the doctor puts his glove on, you know, does his thing, has the lube, and, you know, goes through the, you know, the test. Okay. And then, you know, he sees his doctor putting the glove on the other hand and says, you know, doctor, what's going on here? He says, well, I just thought you wanted maybe a second opinion.

Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. A little humor as well. You get a two for today. Yes.

No game.

Right. And remember, yes. No.

A second opinion and a second opinion joke.

That's awesome. Let's spread some love before we say goodbye to you today. And the spreads of love moment today comes from Jose Josephine Tite. I'm so sorry. She deserves to have her name. Absolutely.

Say it one more time.

Josephine Tight. And she's a well being consultant. She is going to be a guest on our show as she helps us understand how to wrap our arms around extended care for our parents or for people who are in our sphere of influence. It'll be a great conversation, but this is what Josephine had to say about relationships and love.

Hey, my name is Josephine Tight. I am a well being consultant from Calgary, Alberta and I'm looking forward to being inside the love shack with Tom and Stacy really soon as a guest. But the thought I'm having today that I'd like to share with you about love and relationships is that they are a priority. We are living in a time right now where connection is hard to come by. So prioritize your relationships and connect with someone you love or care about. Connect with someone who could support you or someone that you could support. I look forward to being together again with you inside the love shack. Bye for now.

I think that's so important. You know, relationships historically are that thing that we find our special someone and we have that wonderful moment where we either consummate it through an official marriage or we move in together and then we go about our lives and it's so easy to get enrolled in our lives and all the things that we need to address, the bills that need to be paid, the pets that need to be taken care of or the kids that need our care, all the logistics of life can sweep us away. And we anticipate because we found our special someone that it will always be there for us. Prioritizing our relationships means that I still give it life, I still give it time, I still give it energy because it's important and it's valuable. And so many times I see us reaching back for those relationships that we thought were going to be there for us, but they've atrophied over time and they're not there for us because we haven't given them any effort, energy. Right.

And I would add that, I mean it, it seems to be from everything I've read and research wise, it's when we get to the end of our journey in this incarnation or Whatever our belief system is, it's one of the greatest causes of regret of where we didn't take the time for that relationship or relationships that were really meaningful for us.

When you're feeling like you need connection, you need more conversation, you need to feel connected to someone, whether that's yourself or others. That's your sign. That's the moment where I need to reach out, take the time, prioritize it. I love that.

So what's. What's our feel it? We have a special song that Jay chose.

Okay. And you know what? This girl, I. The more I know about her, the more I really just dig her.

So remember, we've got our playlist.

She gave me two songs with which to choose from. The first one was Sly and the family Stone. Like, who does that in her age group? Like, she's a beautiful, young, robust, mid-30s something, and has so much wisdom about sexuality, sensuality, romance, and the expression of that. So today our can you feel it Song that is given to us by Jay Siren, check it out. Is EL Michaels affair, El Pablo Unido. This is what she uses to kind of get herself going in the morning. So I encourage you to check it out. You can get this playlist along with all of our other songs that we share with each episode on our website. So great to be here with you today. O spicy one today, baby.

Thank you, Jay. Great to have you with us.

Yeah. And Josephine. Tight. Join us next week. We look forward to being back here with you soon.

Same time, same for now. Bye bye now.

Thanks for joining us today in the Love Shack. We hope you came away with something that made your toes tingle. To learn more about everything you heard on today's show, go to stacybartley.com podcast Love the Show. Help us spread the love by sharing the show with others. Okay, everybody, time to go. We gotta close the doors to the Love Shack for this week.

You don't have have to go home.

But you can't stay here. Come back next week though and join us for another edition of Love Shack live with Tom and Stacy Bartley.