#54: How To Understand Your Partner Better To Rescue Your Relationship

Hey, thanks for coming. Welcome to the Love Shack.

Hey.

Welcome to the Love Shack. It's a little old place where we get to get together, explore fresh perspectives, eavesdrop on juicy conversations, and uncover the mysteries that nobody talks about, but absolutely influences our relationships. If you are struggling with your special someone right now, this show is dedicated to helping you rescue your relationship and ultimately create love for a lifetime, both with yourself and others. I'm Stacey Bartley, and I'm here with my co host and lover, Tom. You can see this guy sitting next to me if you're on video together. For the past decade, we have been teaching and mentoring on couples from around the world with the sole purpose of helping them create and explore, experience love for a lifetime in their relationships, both with themselves and others, using sound principles and skills. Welcome. It's so great to be here with you. And I am so excited. I'm gonna beat you to the punch. I am so excited about our show today. You can hear that delightful voice in the background there. We have an incredible guest.

Wait a minute now. You're stealing my thunder, ladies and gentlemen. You know, I don't get many opportunities to speak, but I'm going to butt in. Thank you for joining us inside the Love Shack. You know, I always appreciate you gifting some of your most precious resource, which is time. And I'm always highly coached to not spoil it, but I will share with you. Our guest is coming from arguably, not arguably one of our most favorite cities.

Well, let's just say you and me, our favorite place in the world.

Yes. So we're not. We got to come back after the break to find out where our guest is from. But we truly are blessed and grateful to have incredible guests from all around the world. A couple episodes back, we had a. What was our gentleman from Australia? So that's all I can say. That's all I'm allowed to say. Otherwise, I catch a lot of grief after the show. No, just kidding. Great to have you here. Great to have you.

Yes. Thank you. And have you ever wondered why we do what we do in our relationships? Like, have you ever been curious about why we are drawn to fall in love with the people around us and turned off by others?

Yes.

Yeah. The compelling drive to understand our partners at times can bump right up against making us obsessed and crazy as well. Right. I know. I've been in that camp. But the truth is making sense of ourselves is a huge, ongoing conversation. It's one of the most challenging things that we do to try and see and understand ourselves. By objectivity as well as reflection, Inward understanding ourselves and the people that we love creates a stream of daunting, it seems sometimes, and never ending why? Questions that we want to answer. We just know that if we can figure out our partners or obsess about one more thing in regards to our self analysis, we can finally eliminate our problems and uncover the solutions that we long for that impact our lives and our relationships. In my work over the past decade, I've had the privilege of seeing a person's patterns, relationship patterns. It's essentially a connecting of the dots, so to speak, that always connects us back to the person's belief about themselves. Ironically now, through these unique frameworks and processes with my clients, the pursuit and the goal initially is helping a person develop a knowing of self that we can then use to share ourselves with others. And by developing this ironically, we can then have the ability to allow others to do the same, essentially share who they assess themselves to be or know themselves to be with us. That creates connection, folks, when I share a little piece of me with you and you share a little piece of you with me in that sharing and that exploration of self and each other, it creates a bond. It creates something where with enough of that cheering, we go, hey, I think I like you. I think I get you. I think that you and I, well, we can fall in love and we can make a life together. How about it? And so today I have a special surprise for you because one of the most difficult things that we do in life is to try and see ourselves, like observe ourselves, know ourselves, accept and embrace ourselves. And on in the love shack. Not on, but in the love shack. Today we have a special guest who happens to be an archetypal psychologist. Now, I probably am going to assume that a lot of our listeners are not familiar with this, but it's actually something that one of the wonderful founders of psychology and psychiatry more than 100 years ago contributed to this work. And his name is Carl Jung. And look him up because he's a fantastic person who talks about psychology, but he was actually one of the instigators of archetypal psychology. And archetypal psychology just means that I get to learn about metaphoric images that I can then use to explore myself, which is a fascinating thing. Again, the most challenging things that we do as a human being is to see and discover and uncover and more importantly, accept who we are in this moment. Now, this is a never ending process. That's why the conversation of trying to figure ourselves out and others is so daunting because it's an ever evolving process. Who you are today will not be who you are 10 years from now. It's a constant growing and evolutionary and. And that's just the way it's set up. So today in the Love Shack, Tom and I are so excited to have Claudia Monticelli as our guest. Claudia is indeed an archetypal psychologist. And together we're going to be giving you a private experience of the power of archetypes and the role that they can play in our relationships. Claudia is also going to be sharing her knowledge about the Tom and I like. She's going to assess this archetypally both as individuals and as a couple. Now, we have no idea what she's gonna say.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are taking it for the team.

I'm sure that this episode is going to be insightful as well as surprising. Please stay tuned with us as we take a short break and we'll come right back with Claudia in the love Shack. We'll see you in a minute.

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Welcome back. Welcome back. Inside the love shack, we are stoked because we have another international guest and we are going to share her with you all right now as we jump into the heart of the matter. And Stacy and I are going to be the guinea pigs.

Oh, yeah, that's, that's, that's correct. Claudia is not only an archetypal psychologist, she's also quite an extensive background in education. She's a published author she's an interpreter, a professor. I have to have lots of comma here. International liaison officer, voice trainer, psychic medium, medical intuitive, energy healer, hypnotherapist, consultant for both the Italian and US Governments on topics ranging from educational policies to psychological cybersecurity. In addition, she has research that includes social linguistics and archetypal psychology. So it makes me wonder, gosh, what have I been doing in my spare time? Claudia, Claudia, welcome to the show. It's great to have you here. Please say hello to our listeners right from Rome, Italy, one of Tom and I's very favorite places on the planet. We learned so much about being in Italy, about lifestyle, about human connection and relationships, and a pleasure to have you here with us.

Thank you so much. Stacy. TOM hello, ladies and gentlemen. Now, of all of the words that you said, Stacy, in the beginning, two things stuck out. Juicy and I'll right away, Juicy and archetypal psychology. So those are linked. They're linked. So we're going, we're in for a juicy session here.

Oh, that's awesome. So I just want to dive in and, and please tell our listeners about what archetypal psychology is. Give us a, a brief summary version, if you will, about the archetypes themselves. Right. That's a twofold thing.

So you gave a brief introduction talking about Carl Jung. And that's true. He wasn't into archetype psychology, though, but his protege, James Hillman was. And it's interesting because James Hillman was an American and he became then the first president of the Carl Jung Institute and Zurich. And, and he was from Atlantic City.

New Jers, of all things, my favorite city.

Now, what's interesting about this is, well, first of all, what's an archetype? You know, I could say, hey, hey, Tom, boy, you look like you look like a hero today. And you'd know what I was talking about. But if I said, if I said to you, you look like the, the last man in the world or a hobo or a wreck, you would know what I was talking. If I said to Stacy, Stacy, today you're a goddess. But if I said you look like a bag lady, you'd know which was positive and which was negative. Right?

Right.

So what I did, I thought instead of in using so many words, I thought I'd use both of you as a guinea pig, as guinea pigs, as a couple, and sort of show how I use that in my therapeutic sessions with my clients. So when I work with clients, if, whether they're single or whether they're, they come in as a couple, I have a four pronged system that I use four different readings of archetypes, of their archetypes. One, as a couple, together, if they come in as a couple, if they're single, I use the reading as a person. They usually gravitate towards. Then the overarching archetype. You know, when you're born, there's something that you carry with you. There is the prince. The prince is always a prince. He has his sh. His negative days. But a prince is a prince is a prince.

Right?

And then there's a reading that I use for hobbies. What you emerge as, what archetype you emerge as when you work with your passions. And then the last, the juiciest, is transgressions. How you act in the bedroom, if you ever go there. Or we could use that in a different way. When you transgress, when you break the law, when you. No one's watching, what do you do? How do you emerge? So now you first have to tell everybody. This is the first time we've met, right, Tom? No, I know. Stacy and I, we've spoken before, right?

That's right.

Okay, so I'll start by saying let's use the major overarching influence that. That both of you have. And for Stacy, Stacy, you come out as a servant. Now, it's not this typical servant that we know, because the servant is one who serves others to the exclusion of themselves. Right? They serve others and not themselves. And the servant archetype gets a lot of support from society, from religion, because everyone. The religious institutions always talk about people who serve. And there's a belief that service helps to build character. Okay? But this is true. And there's a difference between service to others and the servitude that. That you carry out. Service is giving time to others and others in need. And the reward is knowledge that you're doing a good thing and servitude is doing for others in hopes that they will praise and acknowledge you. So one is unconditional, done for, unconditional love. The other is not. Tom, Tom, you come out as a gossip, which made me laugh, because he's laughing.

Wow, honey, I gossip.

He's laughing, folks. All right, so. So the goss. The light side to this archetype is that they awaken consideration for the feelings of others. They're very sensitive, really, and they honor, trust. But then there's the shadow side. And the shadow side is a person who thrives on passing on private information or secret information, you know, sort of betraying Confidence, talking about somebody behind their backs. And it's interesting that it has the two sides. But why I do this right away? Keep this in mind, what I just said. Now I'm going to go to the, the couple. All right.

Now, Claudia, I just want to point out right here that, that people who are watching this or hearing this in this moment.

Yeah.

You've never met Tom like, you met Tom about, I don't know, maybe 20 minutes ago. And very briefly for maybe 30 or 60 seconds. Okay. Claudia and I have had the privilege and honor of, like, spending some time together, but, but not Tom. And so I loved what you said when you said. Oh, I, I was surprised by.

Okay.

The archetype that comes to mind is the gossip. Okay. Now, I want to lend some credibility to this because this is so incredible, not only from just a standpoint of just meeting, but I would love for you to, to tell us before you go into us as a couple, tell us about archetypal sec psychology. Like, like, what are the archetypes? What are our options? And tell us about the, maybe the little influences of each. And I, I hope that for our listeners who are listening that you are going to start to go, oh, my gosh, that's me. Oh, my gosh, that's what I do. Oh, my gosh. Holy cow, that's my partner, that's my daughter, that's my mother, that's my father. So if you could just give us a brief synopsis and then we'll jump into what it is we are as a couple, and then we have some questions for you as well.

Okay. Well, there are as many archetypes as there are almost people. Now, you'll scan the Internet and you'll see there are 12 major archetypes or they'll use. People will talk about the tarot. There are, you know, there's the, the fool, and it goes on to the high priestess and all of that. But there are so many other archetypes. We've all heard of the warrior archetype, the hero, the, the, the. There's plenty. There's plenty. But if I say to you, Let me, let me give you an idea. About three months ago, I made, I carried out a brief study with my YouTube channel followers. And what they. I said, give me your first names and then I'll put you in a class of archetypally speaking who takes on one archetype and who takes on another. And it's not a relationship couple. It wasn't romantic. It could be a mother, father, could be A daughter, son or work partners, partnership, you know. And while I was doing this, everybody just starts, oh my God. Oh my God. Yes, yes, that's true. How could you do that? But what I wanted to say in that study, that brief time, I categorized it and I saw that there were some archetype couples that were the most popular. And what is interesting is that you both come out as that. That there's the king and the maiden. Now I'm going to tell you about them because most in couples that was the most frequent. And I'll give you another idea, for example, another couple that's quite unique as a couple. Unique in the sense that there are not many that gravitate to each other like that. Everyone knows what a ladies man is, right? A ladies man. Everyone. The ladies love a ladies man, right? Unless you're married to a ladies man. And the, the couple is a ladies man. And the, and you wouldn't think that, that those two could stay together. But what happens is.

Tell us what a femme fatale is.

Well, the femme fatale is a woman who can use her, who uses her sexuality to get whatever she wants. She has power in her sexuality, which is, is a double Dutch sword because it can make or break relationships anywhere unless she's married to this ladies man. Because the ladies man really needs to take, learn to take responsibility for his action. And the femme fatale understands him. They both like their free time. So there is no codependency there. And when he needs reassuring, she's there for him and vice versa. And it's fascinating that I would, I didn't expect as a long term relationship. But then we have this relationship of yours which is very, very, very, very common. The king and the maiden. And Tom comes out as the king. And Stacy, you come out as the maiden. But what are they? We know what a king is, right? Everyone knows what a king is. But what motivates the king? He wants self esteem and self respect, right? And what motivates the maiden is she wants safety and she wants security. Now his challenge in his life is that in order for him to change, he needs to be vulnerable. And sometimes a tragic event will make him change. But the maiden can't help him do that. She can't help. She, she is his property. But she won't allow him to change. She's not going to be the motivator or the catalyst. She can help him relax and see the beauty in the world, for example. And. But her naive nature will always, always bring out the king in him full force. She's his responsibility and she's under his control. She's spontaneous, she's adventurous at times, almost always. And she can show that king a really good time if they travel. The key is travel here. And he may not be too demanding with her at first. She's so easy going. She's innocent and she won't challenge him right outright in front of anyone. And he tries to protect her from the outside world and the harshness of life. But her challenge is that she needs to stand on her own two feet. But the king doesn't want to teach herself reliability because then his role is lost. What she does is make him feel young again when he's around her and he enjoys showing her off. She's his possession and he doesn't think she could live without him. Him, she. But she's more resourceful than he thinks. Of course she looks up to him. He's the rock in her life and her personal defender. But they clash if he lets down his guard and isn't there for her when she needs him. And after a while his demands could change her. And she becomes harsh and jaded. And he stands there scratching his head thinking, what happened to the sweep woman I married if they're married. And eventually she'll learn to stand on her own two feet. And then it's anyone's guess how that develops. Because if the roles shift so much, unless they recognize that, that's when they come into a session with me and then I show them that and we see how the maiden can easily slip, slide into the queen's role for a party, for example, because she knows it's only one night, you know, it's only one off. It's a one off situation. It's fascinating because when we talk, I'm not pointing to what Stacy does and what, what Tom does, but they see it almost as if it were a game, you know, they usually. People laugh and they laugh quite a bit. They're laughing at themselves. And it's. What archetype psychology does is it gives you something to look at outwardly, knowing that these images are recognizable universally. And it's, it involves a sort of coming to terms right away with the difficulties in your life and the issues that you have as a couple. And, and, and it's easier to work with that way, I find. Yeah.

Oh, that's great. So, so you, you've given us a lot of like, insight from your perspective. Maybe it would be helpful for our listeners as well as very rewarding for ourselves, babe, to like, say, okay, here's where I resonate. Here's where I absolutely identify as the major, and here's where I identify as the king.

Well, I just want to let everyone know, starting next week, you will have a. I will be the king of the show, ladies and gentlemen. No longer am I going to be the guide from the side. Thank you so much, Claudia. I've been wanting to express my wings on this show, and I never get a chance to. Stay tuned for the Tom Bartley hour. Starting next week, the show will be renamed.

Learn to step on her own to feed.

Huh?

Yeah.

Yeah. And. And that's. I, I, my, my question is going to be, oh, my gosh. Okay, so tell me about the party. Tell me about when the maiden throws the party. But we'll get there in a moment. Very much I can relate to being the maiden. I think that's very much a place where I have come from, especially in my past relationships. And one of the things that I want to point out here is that archetypes can be a place where we carry the energy of an archetype, even though it's evolving and it's changing. And there have been many, many relationships. In fact, in my new book that's coming out, I'm going to reveal it all. I'm going to tell it all. You're going to be able to see my relationship history there and what it is that has taken me to this point in time. But absolutely, what Claudia is saying about the archetype of being the maiden is very much a place where I have come from. And I would also say that very much Tom and I have come together, he very much is a place where I find safety, security, protection. He very much is my rock. Like Claudia said, he is very much my go to and my world and my foundation beneath me is falling apart. As well as what she said that was profound is I am the girl that is creating the spontaneity, the safe place, the reason to have fun, to switch it up, to create some kind of a place where we can come together and we can not only pursue what needs to be addressed as a king would, but we can also have a little fun along the way. That's something I'm very passionate about. And as a maiden, I have been very submissive in prior relationships. I have been very submissive in regards to. To not standing on my own two feet. In fact, I have a wonderful mentor, teacher of mine way back in 1996 that said, Stacy, like, when are you going to stop riding in the backseat of the train, and you're going to take your place in the front of the train. And I was like, what are you talking about? So what Tom referred to as ladies and gentlemen next week, I have very much stepped into, especially over the past decade, asserting myself in my own two feet. So Tom's like, whoa, okay. I'm not quite sure how to interpret that. So that's my takeaways. Like, that is very much a person I am still. I love to serve. I love to contribute. I love to think that my experience, what I do here matters. I love to think that I can influence through love, through appreciation, through maybe quietness of demonstration, not so much. My boldness of standing on my own two feet makes a difference in our relationship. Right. I, I. And I also pride myself in stirring it up a little bit and saying, hey, I think you, King, need to take the, the weight off your shoulders and we need to go and have a little fun. So, babe, I would love to hear from you, like, what did you resonate from what Claudia had to share with us?

Yeah, I mean, and you know, babe, this is something we talk about. I, I think there's. My perception and experience is, you know, I would say king for me is synonymous with leader. And my respect for leadership is those that lead, that raise the tide for everyone. Leadership, in my opinion, great leadership, masterful leadership, is not domination. It's not coercing. Leadership is leadership, you know, not being afraid to do anything that you're asking others to do. So it's this servant leadership. So that's, you know, I appreciate that. And that's really how I've tried to model my life. I have a wonderful brother that's done that, you know, militarily, in a way that's very unique as well. So, you know, and I think at least our country is really missing that right now. Oh, yeah. And, you know, in our body of work and working with our private clients, we always say, look, someone has got to be the leader when you're trying to rescue your relationship, because in the absence of leadership, chaos will absolutely prevail.

Yeah, well, you know, there are interesting cases, too. In this case, there is the king and the maiden. But there are cases, just like I mentioned before, the fatale and the ladies, man, where they are, they act as switch. They take once the dominant and once the submissive, and they have a very delicate balance between them. And in this, in your case, it's slightly different. There is the rock and then there is the maiden, you see? So it's interesting you talk about the dynamism and the. I don't like to use the word power structure, but it is a certain, to a certain degree, we do have to talk about power in relationships because you, to be able to, to lead, you have to take the power. You have to take that step, you know, and it's interesting, it's interesting that you, you mentioned leadership, actually.

Yeah. And. Well, and, and let's talk about power for a minute. A lot of times this is either something that we're hell bent on taking and removing from others and feeling like we can't step into our power because that would really threaten or undermine or compromise the person who is trying to assert. First of all, I want our listeners to hear power is not a bad thing. Like we all want to step into our power. And one of the things that Tom and I pride ourselves in our relationship is that in any given circumstance, one will assume the power or the other will assume the power. And over the decades that we've been together, we've become very accustomed as to who is the proficient one in such and such a circle circumstance. And one of us will default to the knowing or the experience or the knowledge. Right. Or maybe the lack of understanding of this particular situation. And hey, honey, you, you take this one because you have more experience, you have more knowledge, you have more ability to navigate us through this. And I very much see Tom and I now in our relationship as this role reversal and switch of power, Right. Where we don't feel threatened by each other's power. But I would say very much, the two of us step into our power and at times we'll assert our power. And ironically, Claudia, I just want to say, and I'd love your thoughts on this. I remember the exact moment that I fell in love with Tom and the exact moment that I fell in love with Tom because I knew that I could be a maiden and a pleaser. But there was a point in time in my life too where I very much became that I'm not putting up with this anymore. And, and there were things that I did in my life and trying to assert my power and own my power and find a place of balance with, inside of my own personal power where I would take advantage of people in my life. Like, for example, I would draw men home and I would say, I'm gonna have my way with you because I'm not going to be taken advantage of anymore. And I would, I would have my way with them and I would literally throw them out and say, don't call me. Don't text me. Thank you so much for your service and helping me assert my power and know what that feels like. And then there was a moment where I was like, well, that's not who I want to be.

That's.

That's not what I'm about. That's not congruent with who I am. And I was like, okay, you gotta. You gotta fix that. Right? And in our work, we talk about learning, by contrast of our experiences. And oftentimes we swing hard to the other side, trying to figure out us, like, a place of balance with. Inside of ourselves.

So when did you fall in love with me?

So I fell in love.

Right.

Thank you. I fell in love with Tom because I'd had relationships at that point in time where I could run over men. Like, I could be so powerful when I stepped into my power that I would run over them. And I realized that that didn't make me happy either. Having my way with people wasn't necessarily what brought me joy. And there was a moment in time where Tom can be very adaptive. He can be very opinionated, but he can also be very supportive. He creates this incredible, safe, secure place with people who are around him, and he has ability to just kind of sit with it. He has a strength that he's. He sits in by just sitting at the table. The king. And he very much. Yes, and he very much has the secure place that he creates. And so in trying to figure out if I'm safe here, like, can I overrun this? Can can he handle me? If I were to, like, step out and be bold and be truly who I am, could he really take this on? And it was a moment in time where we were actually in a bit of conflict. And he said to me, stacy, you sit down right now. We're gonna figure this out right now. And I remember kind of sliding into my chair and going, oh, my gosh, I think I love you.

Like.

Like, okay, I'm safe here. I can do this. Because up to that point in time, he had been very congenial, very supportive, very encouraging, etc. But can he put me in my place? Yeah, when I need to be put in my place.

You know what I. As you were talking, it made me think of. Because you're talking about power, right? And the dynamism between the dynamic development. What's interesting, if you think about. There's a. You've probably heard of game theory before game theory. And essentially, what is game theory? The game theory says that in a relationship, just like business, anything, if you want to continue the game, no one must win because when someone wins, the game ends. And so that's the key, you know, and, and, and it's, it is about power and it's seeding power and taking power, giving someone the limelight and you stepping back because it is as powerful to step back and then give the slime light to someone because you are on, you know, you're, you're celebrating them and it is a celebration and it's very, very powerful. You know, if you think about the. Any kind of ancient culture that celebrates with fire and that's what I'm talking about. It is ritualistic and, and r. Need to be really highlighted in relationships as well. Even on the job. I mean, if something goes well, okay, we're going out start, you know, get that champagne. And this is something that people still don't do enough of, I guess. Well, you know, covet aside. But interesting and it was so funny I was listening to you was saying I would run all over them. I would take the men, use them for my needs and then just, just go the, you know, don't leave them. And I thought, boy, she was very kind. What I do, cave woman, I just take my bat, go out, get one, hit him over the head, bring them in the cave and not even say goodbye. Just. You are kind.

Well, and, and so archetypally, Claudia, you would see yourself as the cave where you go, hit him over the head, drag them home. That's right. And then set them out under the tree as though nothing happened.

Well, and you know, I mean all kidding, kidding aside, I think Claudia, what you just described, you know, before you became the cave woman was, was. No, truly, it was. I, I talk with this often with Stacy's. I also think a king, a good leader, understands leverage. And like you so eloquently described, when you can defer and pass the spotlight to someone and let them shine in their brilliance, to me that's, that's the greatest leaders. You know, it's the same and same in sports. The most valuable players here in America. You know, you look at the Michael Jordans and the, you know, the LeBron James, I mean, they make everyone around them better. They make everyone all, you know, all.

It'S all about really.

The tide rises, all ships. So I mean I, as Stacy's so wonderfully described, we have come to the place where we can very quickly and easily and, and safely pass the leverage between each other. Now I say now it's not one plus one equals two. One plus one equals three. Or four.

Yeah, sure, sure. What's interesting about that is, as you, when I don't want to say maturity, but it's development. But even when other people come into your presence, dinner parties or anything like that, it just glows, you know, the light just shines. It's wonderful. It really is.

Thank you for that. I'm, I'm having a memory, babe, of, of the first time after 35 years of knowing who you were when my antennas would go up. That's a story for another time. But long story short, I've known Tom and been aware of him as a young girl for 35 years and he didn't know anything about me, but my antennas would go up every time. My sister and brother in law would say, hey, I have this friend named Tom and he's, you know, X, Y and z. So imagine 35 years of this and now I'm sitting at a kitchen table for the first time in 35 years. I've gone from 14 to 47. And we're sitting at my sister's table and there's Tom and he's, he's at the very end of the opposite side of the table. And I remember looking across at him and it's so fascinating that you say the king, because I remember looking at him sharing with my brother in law and sister what was going on in his life as I was trying to have a conversation, ironically with his brother. He was single at the time and I think secretly they were trying to line us up. I think there was some cahoots in the background with my sister and brother in law about having him bring his brother along. However, my focus was on what this person was saying over here. And I remember looking at you and, and when Claudia said king today, that immediately took me back to that moment where I went, that's exactly how I saw you as a king. And I'm curious, babe. When we start exploring archetypes like, and again, the show is like an opportunity for us to look at ourselves through imagery, through archetypes, to taking those parts and pieces of ourselves where we think, yeah, this fits. And I relate to that and that makes sense to me. What goes off for you personally when we say, babe, you're a king?

Well, I can't wait for the renaming of the show starting next week. No, just kidding. You know, I, I, I tried to demonstrate my life in a way where I have always respect, you know, the people in, in culture and society and, and such that have that quiet confidence about them. So, you know, I mean, I Always, if. If what it is that you're so sure about, you don't need to talk about it, you simply can demonstrate it. You know, to know and not to do is to really not yet know, you know, and so that's the, you know, that's what was modeled to me. That's how I was raised. That's how my oldest brother conducted himself at the various highest levels. So I just have a lot of appreciation for that humility and that modeling and demonstration in a way that serves the greater good, you know, I mean, again, the. Using the athletic athletes and at the highest level, they. They're not typically big talkers, they're simply their demonstrators. So, you know, that. So I, I mean, you know, keep, you know, there's always something to learn, there's always something to be humble about. But I really believe at this point of our evolution as a society, I mean, people are looking for someone to be the leader, you know, and in our body of work relationships, it doesn't matter, but someone needs to raise their hand. Especially in our specific body of work where we're helping people rescue their relationship, someone has got to raise their hand and it only takes one and say, look, this is not going well and I have something has to change and I'm going to be the leader. So that, you know, that. That really resonates well.

Off times. I mean, my image of a king is somebody who says, this is what's going to happen. It's going down right now, and I don't care who says anything about it. Right. And yet what you demonstrate so eloquently, babe, is the ability to be a king, to be a leader, to. To be that person who inspires safety, security. And yet, if you need to, just like the moment I fell in love with you, you can say, you sit down now and we're going to figure this out. And I remember just like, okay.

Well, I mean, again, studying, you know, and I mean, look at the martial arts. That's the same thing. The greatest martial artists, they don't ever use their craft. It's the essence and the aura of who they are is all that's needed. I mean, certainly, yes, there is a time, I mean, if you have to defend your life or your family's life. Absolutely. But by and large, that typically never happens because of your aura and your essence. It's not even a problem.

Well, and in the spirit of full disclosure, when I was looking at you from across the table, it was the intensity of his eyes. And those of you who are watching Tom on YouTube can see he has these beautiful green eyes that they are intense. They are so intense. Right? And. And those of you. I just described him, for those of you who are listening on the podcast, like, Tom has these beautiful green eyes and they are so, so intense. Claudia, you know what I'm talking about here, right?

Yeah, you're. All the female callers are going one by one. Tom. Let me talk to Tom.

Oh, I know. And boy, would there be a swoon of them. You could be the king that had a whole swoon of concubines. Honey, I'm so glad that you're faithful and monogamous.

Kings usually are. They are to a really, really.

Tell us about that. Tell us about that, Claudia.

Well, see, the king is a leader. And as. As you. You heard Tom speak. Ever since he started talking about himself as a king, not once did he ever not include others. And so he's always in a context, a social context, but he's not one to go out on his queen or maiden or anything. He doesn't have time for that. That's not important. He has a reign to work with, you know, and everyone. He doesn't see men and women. He sees people because all of these people are what makes up his reign. And he has to make be faithful to these people. He has to garner their trust. And if he loses the faith of someone who. And the trust of someone who's with him, he's. It's over for him, you know. Goodbye, king. That's it.

Wow, that's incredible. So in the couple of minutes that we have left here to have this and explore this wonderful world of. Of archetypes again for our listeners, tell us the 12 basics. So that those who are listeners can say, oh, yep, that's me, that's me, that's me.

Well, let's say the 12 basics. I'll rattle it off. Let's say I'll even in. All right. That you could be the actor. You can be an artist, you can be the addict, you can be an alchemist, a diplomat.

Right.

A disciple. You could be a dreamer, a beggar, the fool. You can be a fool, a gambler, a healer, a soul searcher, a knight, a liberty. Now, the knight is quite different from a king, a liberator, a lover, a magician, the sadist, seeker, slave, storyteller, Beautiful people, storytellers. You should fantastic students, teachers, warriors, witch, wizard, vampire. And there are quite a number of them around. And thief. There's so many. So many. But you can. Those are for certain. Let's say certain areas. But there's an advocate, people who stand up for other people's rights activists and advocates. An athlete. The athlete. Someone who's disciplined. A caregiver. A caregiver. Fashionista. The spiritual seeker is different from the visionary, the rebel or the queen. And the intellectual. So there are quite a few. The, the, the recluse, the reckless, the recluse or the monk, the male messiah, nursery mystic, matriarch. There's so many. The seductive muse, the femme fatale. There's. It's endless, you know. And every season, every time has its own because we now talk of, let's say from cybernetics. There are different titles to people depending on. Well, Disney has created so many different types of archetypes and that didn't exist even just 50 years ago. And the media are really giving us a taste of superpowers of, you know, what children look at and women and men, young children and young girls, boys and young girls. And it's interesting to see the heroes that, that the media plays to for boys and the heroines, I don't even know if we can call them heroin. The images, the representation of young females for the girls, they all look at heroes. The boys and the girls are still looking at princesses, you know, and, and, and they're not. They just haven't come to that vision of yes, there is the superwoman. Yeah. But she's, there's only one of her, you know. And so it's still difficult even at that young age for, for young children because they're so influenced. Interesting, interesting. Let's see, is there synopsis and summary.

Where we can run through those. And wherever you are in this moment, listener, just, just what do you resonate with? Because that's going to be something for you explore deeper about. And Claudia, if people wanted to connect with you, tell us how we can do that, where would they go?

They could go to Instagram. It's called the Magic of Pleasure Seeking is my account on Instagram. Name of my book the Magic of Pleasure. Pleasure Seeking or my website. Claudiamonicelli.com Christelle martinette.com my, my psychic medium name. And that's about it. You could find me. Just put Claudia Monticelli. You'll find me.

That's correct. Claudia, it's been such a pleasure and.

And for me too. So much for having me.

Let's come back and do this again.

And thank you for crowning me the king.

Yeah, anytime, Tom.

Bye bye for now.

Bye bye.

We're gonna take a quick break and when we come back, we are going to have a little bit of fun. It's our Follow the fun segment. So don't go anywhere. We'll be right back.

I met Stacy and Tom about two years ago. I was at a point in my relationship where I was ready to file for for divorce. Not that I wanted to, but I just felt hopeless and helpless. I'd been through other counseling and coaching and didn't find any success. With Stacy and Tom's methods I was able to eliminate insecurities, set boundaries, plant my flag, eliminate rabbit holing. I was separated from my wife for a year and I have since moved back home for the last six months. Now I still refer back to a lot of of the teaching that Stacy and Tom provided and it's helped me. It's well worth it.

Learn the simple three step system to rescue your struggling relationship by registering for Stacy's brand new free workshop. Reserve your seat by going to stacybartley.com workshop.

Exploring new territory every day. This is Alternative Talk 1150.

Welcome back. Inside the love shack we just had. Awesome, awesome, awesome.

I'm laughing because. Thank you.

This is King Tom along with maiden Stacy right here inside the love shack. You have to go back and listen if you don't understand my humor and and actually there's no humor there. It's Tom Bartley show. Stay tuned. Ladies and gentlemen, next week you will be blown away. Let's jump in, follow the fun.

Yeah, let's have, let's follow the fun right now. And my suggestion for you is, you know, sometimes we miss a break in the middle of the day. We get so, especially here in the States, we get so into the work day. The kids being picked up or dealing with homework and school and etc. Etc. Can go on and on. The list is great. So I want to invite you to find a place where you can pause and pack a picnic. Like meet for lunch. Remember when we used to do that? Like actually take a break from lunch and not like try and do it at our desk or try and do it while we're doing other things. And I want to remind you that a lunch in the middle of the day for a break or a recharge, it can happen in an office, it can happen in a park, it can happen in a car. And what would be so wonderful is if you packed a picnic and maybe went to by chance if your lover works in an office, go to the office, have a picnic there or maybe you meet out on site at a park or in the car like I just suggested. Right. And if by chance, you're working at home, because a lot of us are right now. How about if you get out of the house, you take that hour, hour and a half, and you go somewhere outside of your home to enjoy that picnic, Perhaps some good tunes and, I don't know, maybe a bit of fooling around. Hands down, I guarantee you that if you will gift yourself that break in the middle of your day, you will feel good vibes for the rest of the afternoon.

Speaking of good vibes. That takes us right in. Nicely set up, Mrs. Bartley. Nicely set up, too. This is the thing.

Wait, what? Are you gonna take me out to lunch?

King.

I'm at a loss of words right now. She put me on the spot.

The maiden needs to be taken out for lunch.

You're right. You're right.

We need to get out of this house and we need to go fool around for the afternoon.

That takes us into. Can you feel it, ladies and gentlemen? Can you feel it?

No.

We've got an awesome song. This is one of our. Our boomboxes always on because we always have music. In fact, it's charging right now. So Stacy heard this song and came out from where she was. She said, oh, my gosh. This is the song for this week's show.

And the. Can you fill it? Song today is a wonderful artist by the name of Mesa M A Y S a. And she has a song called Friendly Pleasure. And because we've been talking pressure.

Friendly pressure.

All. What did I say?

Pleasure.

Oh, well, that's because I'm thinking about pleasure. I'm thinking about my afternoon with you.

Keep it radio friendly. Radio friendly, Mrs. Bartlett.

All right, all right, all right. Friendly pressure. Because we've been talking about seeing ourselves maybe from archetypes today and images. I. I really want to just emphasize today, you know, my whole takeaway from today's show is the conversation about learning and discovering who it is we are or who. Who it is we see ourselves as. And when we can do that, then it puts us in this really wonderful place where we can share who we see ourselves as with someone else. And I want to impress upon you that when I can do that, when I understand myself enough, because I've observed, because I've been reflective, and because I've accepted and owned those parts and pieces of myself, it puts me in a place where I can actually share myself with somebody else in a much different place than if I'm hoping that they will see me, they will accept me, they will honor me, and Ironically, when I have the ability or the confidence to do that to some degree with inside of myself, it actually allows me to give that space and permission to someone else. Until then, we as human beings tend to be fighting for the discovery of who we are. And it's not until we discover and accept who we are that we can actually give that gift across the table because we're too busy trying to figure out what's going on for me, what I need, and why it is I'm miserable. So this song today is a credit to that. In this song, she talks about, I don't want to be weak. I just want to be strong. I don't want to be rough. I just want to be sweet to you. Baby friendly pressure. And may we all find that place of friendly pressure with inside of ourselves that we could express, explore. And then we can practice showing up as we see ourselves in this moment. Maybe me as the maiden, but being able to stand on my own two feet. And Tom is that incredible king where he's not only thinking about his own power, but about how he is that he distributes that evenly and equitably to the people around him and the people that he loves. Every week we do a can you fill it? Moment. And if you want to see not only this week's song, but all our episode songs, please go to our website. You can find all the songs that we have chosen for each and every episode and it's your opportunity to feel what it is we have talked about. And by the way, Tom, I think we need to talk about the follow the fun list because.

Yeah, follow the fun because we have an awesome giveaway. Our last week's guest is so kind to. To the bomb box. Right?

Yeah.

So you have to be on the fun list. So it'll be the first Thursday of November where we'll be giving that away.

And throughout the month of October, we are promoting this giveaway for breast cancer awareness. And Balm Box is doing a giveaway just for our listeners. And the Balm Box is functional products for the ones that you love that have received cancer treatments. So to enter to win the Balm box for your loved ones, all you need to do is get on our fun list and you can do that at our website.

And we have a spooky, spooky episode next week. We're real quick, so don't miss it. Coming up. And thank you so much for being with us inside the love shack. If. If this works for you and we've provided value, which is always our attention, please share it.

Yeah. And a special thank you to Claudia Monticelli for being here and sharing with her, or with us, actually, and our listeners the archetypal psychology and for letting us know that I'm the maiden baby and you're the king. We're Thomas Stacey Bartley. We are the hosts of Love Shack Live together with our engineer, Eric Ryder. Thank you so much for being here and spending some of your precious time with us inside the Love Shack. We look forward to being back here with you next week, same time. Until then, be good to yourself. Enjoy sending in love.

Thanks for joining us today in the the Love Shack. We hope you came away with something that made your toes tingle. To learn more about everything you heard on today's show, go to stacybartley.com podcast Love the Show. Help us spread the love by sharing the show with others. Okay, everybody, time to go. We gotta close the doors to the Love Shack for this week. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Come back next week, though, and join us for another edition of Love Shack Live with Tom and Stacy Bartley.