#61: Giving Gifts From the Heart This Holiday Season

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Love shack.

Hey. Welcome to the love Shack. It's a little O, please. Where we get to get together, explore fresh perspectives and eavesdrop on juicy conversations in an attempt to uncover the mysteries that nobody talks about but absolutely influences our relationships. If you are struggling with your special someone, this show is dedicated to helping couples rescue their relationships and create love for a lifetime. I'm Stacy Bartley and I'm here with my co host and lover. I guess most days I could say that. Right. Together for the past decade, we've been teaching and mentoring couples from around the world with the sole purpose of helping them build stronger, thriving relationships both with themselves and others with principal skills and sound principles.

Absolutely. Welcome, everybody. If you're listening to us live or listening live or watching live, I mean, we're. We're in the heart of the holiday season here, feeling very festive. We have a. You know, I'm never allowed to say much, but we got one of our favorite people who's going to really make. Make sense of what we're trying to.

Share with you from giving gifts from the heart. Absolutely.

Now, wait a minute. I didn't get my full. See, I only get about three minutes. Also, thank you to our engineer, Mr. Eric Ryder. He makes us look good, smell good, Smith, sound good, all that good stuff. No, all can you say great to have you with us.

Yeah. Many of us know how hard it is to find the perfect gift for your loved one. And this can be especially true when you're shopping for that significant other. So today inside the love shack, we're going to have a talk about how you can give gifts from the heart that your partner will cherish forever. And we're going to be able to accomplish this without breaking the bank or racking up the credit card. So I want you right now to get ready to learn some simple ways that you can show up in the people's lives that you love by giving them gifts from the heart. Gifts that these come from the heart and are priceless. You know, they say to the person that we love, hey, I see you. I appreciate you. You matter to me.

I would say that, yeah, the gift really handles the thing. We always share that all of us are as humans, we're all wanting. There's really only three things. And this gift and our wonderful guest is going to share with us how we can encapsulate that and provide present that and share that with our loved ones all. All in one fell swoop.

Yeah, absolutely. So stay tuned we'll be right back.

I met Stacy and Tom about two years ago. I was at a point in my relationship where I was ready to file for divorce. Not that I wanted to, but I just felt hopeless and helpless. I'd been through other counseling and coaching and didn't find any success. With Stacy and Tom's methods. I was able to eliminate insecurities, set boundaries, plant my flag, eliminate rabbit holing. I was separated from my wife for a year and I have since moved back home for the last six months. Now. I still refer back to a lot of the teaching that Stacy and Tom provided and it's helped me. It's well worth it.

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Welcome back everybody. Episode 61 Thomas Stacy Bartley love shack live. Great to have you with us. We're going to jump right into the heart of the matter because I don't want to waste any time getting right to gifts from the heart and our awesome guest.

Yeah, so we know this. This episode is dedicated to the fact that finding the perfect gift for your special someone can often be difficult, not to mention expensive. The truth is, I know that most of us desire to give a thoughtful, meaningful gift, but it can be so hard to find something for your spouse or partner if you feel like they already have everything, number one. And especially if I'm trying to stick within some side of a budget. And we want them to be memorable. Right. We want these things to touch their heart and communicate in some small way how much you mean to me. And this can create a tremendous amount of anxiety and pressure for us. So we have really great news for you today inside the love shack. With this is a special guest, Sheri Ballew. She is one of our dearest colleagues. I'll tell you what, you meet this woman and she touches your heart in profound way. And we are so grateful to have her with us. She is a master at helping us share and create gifts from the heart. And we are so excited to join her, have her join us here in the love shack. And here's the thing. We want you to come away with something that you know was in your realm of ability that will create some inspiration, and we're going to give you some guidance for that. Gift shopping this holiday season.

Absolutely. And sometimes we feel the more a person means to us, the more expensive the gift must be. But what if it wasn't the cost that mattered, but we made sure our gifts express the meaning that person holds for us. Now, for those of us that kind of live in the left side of our brain, please don't log off or say, oh, man, I'm checking out. Like, there's no way I'm gonna get my brand new pencils and my colored Crayola crayons and my colored paper and I'm get out on my desk here and it's going to be blank stare. I promise you. Sherry has worked with us and she takes that away because she gives us just like what we talk about often frameworks and ways to do this that it's not. We don't start from scratch. So please, those left brain folks with you and I stay with us because there's no more left brain anyway than me.

And I must give a shout out right now because after working with us, Sherry actually helped Tom create gifts that were meaningful, even though he doesn't have pencils and, and glue and, and.

But we have lots of them around because I live with a right brain person here. So.

So let's tell you a little bit about Sherry, shall we? She is a certified high performance coach who helps people find creative, intentional, and impactful ways to celebrate life and express their love for family and friends. Sheri supports people in living their best lives, and she's a Wonderful demonstration of that herself. She's full of joy, success, engagement with rich, meaningful relationships in her life. She's also the author of say it now 33 creative ways to say I love you to the most important people in our life. Sheri, welcome to Love Shack. It's so great to have you back here with us again. As you know, you touch our hearts every time and we connect. So, so great to have you here and to share and inspire these ideas that you so live day to day to day.

Stacy and Tom, Hello. Boy, do I love seeing your faces.

Yeah, we love seeing yours.

I've just been grinning ear to ear just listening to you and thank you for having me back. It's great to be here.

Yes. And we want to jump right into this conversation because we know that there's a lot to say about it, right? There's, there's fears and pressures and anxieties and can I do that? And then, oh my gosh, you know, the time and the expense, etc. So let's maybe begin this conversation with what are the emotional aspects of giving a gift from the heart? Like, help me understand why that would matter. I mean, I know, but I, this, this is, I'm sure, a question that our listeners are asking. Like, look, I could get on Amazon and in about, you know, 22 seconds I could order something up. It's going to come to my door, I'm going to throw some wrapping around it and if I can just pick out the right present on Amazon, it's all going to go well. And, and it will, I mean, it's, it's good, right? I'm not diminishing that whatsoever. But let's, let's create a picture for the listeners about what else is possible, shall we?

And I, I love that you said that because I don't have anything against, you know, store bought gifts, gifts, you know, that you go online and get. It's not about that. But I think what you're asking, at least what I think is that there's so much more and there's so much more for me as the person who's creating an amazing gift, because how that transforms me is amazing. And I hope we'll talk a little bit about that. There's also how it transforms the relationship. And you two already said this, but I want to underscore, I really believe that what people most want, they want to be seen, they want to be known, and they want to be loved for exactly who they are. And I can tell you, people just don't get that, that much in the world.

Right.

And all the mad dashing around and everything digital and the focus that we have, at least in our culture of, you know, accomplishments and accolades and awards, people just want to be loved. And I am just such a proponent of creating gifts that really celebrate the love that we share together.

Absolutely. And I would love. Let's dive into that phrase that you just said. It transforms me, the gift giver. So let's, let's explore that. Let's unpack that a little bit and help people, like, wrap their head around what. What do you mean? I'm. I'm stressed out and anxiety ridden thinking about what I'm going to give to my special someone. Right. And I'm going to transform through this process.

Well, and I know you two know this, but I always like to make sure that, that I introduce myself with I. This. Everything that I do came from a dark place. It came from a deep depression and anxiety. And I feel like it's always so important to tell people that because creating these kinds of gifts and the loveless, which I'm sure we'll talk about in particular, they changed my life. They saved my life. And that may sound extreme. And the truth is, that is what happened. I really believe that when we are immersed in love, and you guys, I know you know this when we're immersed in focusing on someone that we love and especially in what we're talking about here, which is creativity, but not like Tom said, you know, it's not like you've got to get out your pens and glue, but creativity as an. In the mind, like really being creative about how we express our love, it uplifts us. It's like a drug. I really, you know, it's like someday I'm gonna have this researched somehow.

Yes.

For me, it was the antidepressant.

Wow. Wow. Now that's really. That's really powerful. There is something to be said for that and I certainly see it in our work as well. When I can focus on something that I love and that I adore, it causes me to rise in ways that maybe I wouldn't rise for myself. Right. I'll do it for others. I'll do it because I love you. You're significant to me and I want you to know that. And I think also what you said is true. We also desire to also know and have that reverberate through us that we are loved. Somebody does want to hear our perspective or what it is we have to say. Somebody, you know, we love it when somebody appreciates us for all the work that we're doing. I truly believe from the bottom of my heart, after doing this work for so many years, all of us as human beings are truly doing the best we know how. Now that doesn't mean that there isn't some wild crazy, right. Experiences that, that sometimes create exactly what it is we don't want. But genuinely at the core, especially when it comes to lovers, we really want this to go well. And then there's this interior aspect of me, Right. That I've got to deal with. And for most of us that's a full time job. And so when I can get outside of myself and I can express that love and appreciation for others. Right. I always say give first.

Yes.

Because then it's going to come back. And, and when we start expressing ourselves in this way and our gift giving and in our sharing, right. It's more likely that we're going to get back those elements that we want as we give them first. It kind of opens up the doorway to this place of vulnerability that we all kind of go, oh gosh, I don't. That's not scary, that's painful. And, and I just need to say this, and I'd love your thoughts on this too, Sherry. We become so afraid of vulnerability, like, like it's going to create some under the bed. And yet it's more painful to not go there than it is to step into the vulnerabilities of how you feel, what you want, how you see it, sharing your perspective. And I think that's a huge myth in this relational conversation that we have absolutely got to talk more about. Right. It's not like, oh, that's vulnerable or I'm going to have this vulnerable hangover. That may be true, but as you do that place more often, you'll find that there's, it's far less painful. Right. Because that's what we're all desiring. So we throttle that back, we put it in the box, we bury it in the hole and think that that's going to save us when actually it just intensifies the pressure and the pain.

Absolutely. And you know, Stacy, I really think that that was a lot that was going on for me when I was in that dark, suicidal place those years. What it really was was a pushing down. Right. I was so afraid to express who I was. I was afraid to express love to people. I was afraid to express everything. I was so. Everything was just like an iron wall closing in. And you're right. And I, you know, I don't want to sugarcoat anything. It's a practice. It is going to feel vulnerable. It's going to feel uncomfortable. But, Tom, weren't we just saying before we went live getting comfortable with those things that are uncomfortable? It's one of the ways we grow. And it's one of the ways that when we just like Stacy said too, when we practice, people start to open up to us. And, you know, little by little by little, our relationships really do deepen. They really do grow. And that's. That is what we want. You know, I mean, sure, we want all the gadgets and this and that and, you know, there's all those other kinds of gifts, but we want to be connected.

We really, that's it, 100%. And I, I bet you have clients, as I have clients who have everything in the world. Right. And yet they're still longing for that piece of emotional connection. Right. And how do we get that? And there's no compensation of the physical means that is going to compensate for that lack of emotional connection that we all desire. And it seems to get put on steroids during the holiday season. Right. Because that's really what it's about, in my opinion, is that that emotional place where we all get to come together and gather and, and share in more of the emotional nuances and, and the decorations and the music and everything is kind of, you know, around inspiring that aspect inside of our lives. And so if that's a difficult place for us to go, that's okay. But that's kind of what the holiday season is designed to do. So it's either going to be a very enjoyable season for you or maybe a very triggering holiday season for you. And so as we kind of dive into, okay, why do we want to do some. Some gift giving that's from the heart as opposed to just, you know, handling it quickly and having those presents ordered from Amazon. One is not right or wrong. One is not better or worse than the other. But there is an opportunity here that I just want to capitalize on that, what I'm looking for, something that's going to let the person or people in my life know that I love them the most. There's nothing that will do it. No amount of monetization, big or small, that is going to compensate for saying the things that are on my heart and how I see you. And that's where you come in, right? The expert of all the many ways and all the facets and unique abilities and possibilities that can be put together to let you know that. Right. So I would love to hear some of your examples and. And some of those creative strategies before we go there.

How about, how does this style of gift giving, Sherry, take? You know, less creates less pressure on finding the perfect gift. I think that's a very powerful thing. So how would you please share with us that. What would you be your vantage point on that?

I love that. Tom, what a great question, right? Like, first of all, let's all drop that, like, this whole idea of the perfect anything, right? What a way to shut down every sing possibility in us. So you know what? I think it's exactly what Stacy said. I mean, the holidays, but actually, anytime, again, what we're after is that feeling of connection. I like to add in celebration, right? I'm celebrating when I see you, too. I see you pop on the screen, it's like there's nobody else like you two in the world, right? In my life. You. Right? So it's like a celebration of who you are to me, how we know each other, our shared jokes, our shared experiences. Like, that's what makes us feel human, isn't it? It's what makes us feel alive. And so dropping that idea of the perfect gift and instead thinking like, what I. And it doesn't even have to be everybody. Like, maybe you just choose one person this holiday season. One person. Maybe, you know, it's your spouse or it's a child or it's a parent or a best friend to just play around with it, say, well, okay, that one person. I'm not going to buy them something I'm going to think of, and we're going to give you some examples. A gift that really celebrates our relationship. And, you know, you really can't go wrong, right? There's no perfect way to do that. Anything that helps people feel loved and appreciated and connected is going to be perfect.

Well said.

It is well said. Because that's all what we're longing, you know, we're longing for that at the bottom of the stack anyway, right? We. We fight for those things. We beg for those things. We long for those things. We shut down.

And I would just say not to be, you know, doomsday at all, but I would think many of us, at this point of our evolution and all that we've navigated as a world and say, the last two years, I don't think any of us would. Would not just cherish receiving one of these type of gifts. I mean, because how often, like you said, Sherry, do we. Any of us, I would say very. Maybe some of us have never Received.

One in our entire life. Well, and I would say, you know, with the. The COVID experience, you know, the pandemic, some of these things, we're starting to get that reminder of life is so precious, right? And the people that we love, there are many of us out there who are listening right now who have lost a special significant someone in their life due to this last year and a half, almost two now. And so I think more than ever, we are in a place where this is the perfect conversation to have around the holidays. Right? It's this opportunity where hopefully you come away being in inspired that, okay, I can do this, right? I can communicate, as you had said, Sherry, you know, how this person, you know what they mean to me and, and highlight some aspects of our relationship together. Right. Like, it's beautiful. And I. And I so agree with you. You can't screw this up. You can't.

You can't.

The fact that you tried and you just said a few things.

Well, I would just ask you, Sherry, and all your work with your clients in your community, have you ever heard from someone where they, you know, they. They followed one of your awesome lessons and game plans to do so? And then the. The recipient said, oh, I don't like that. I mean, seriously.

No, but in all honesty, and I also like to always say this to people, sometimes it's very vulnerable to receive a gift like this. So I always like to tell people, and I know this for myself, I've received a lot of gifts that I actually haven't been able to receive until weeks or even years later sometimes. So what I want to say is that, you know, 99.99% of the time, right, People are going to be visibly, like, thrilled. But there might be someone who gets a gift like this where they're really seen, and maybe they haven't been seen for a really long time, and maybe they don't know how to take that in. But that doesn't mean it's not the perfect gift, right?

Do you have any stories you would be willing to share with us around this?

That's a great. Well, I've had people, I've had clients tell me, so you guys know. And I could say it in just a sentence or two. The love list is sort of the cornerstone of I. It's my favorite gift because you can have a pencil on a piece of paper and make a love list, which is basically, you know, I'm looking at you two and I'm thinking, oh, my gosh, I love every time I get on With Stacy and Tom, they make me laugh within the first 10 seconds. Right. That's a love list item. I love how close they are to their family, and they inspire me to reach out to my family in a new way. That's a love list item. You know, I love Stacy's glasses. They make her look so sassy. That's a love list. A love list is just a brainstorm, you know, specific reasons you love someone. And those just came off the top of my head. I could easily, in the next, like, few minutes, come up with a hundred.

Right?

Like, it doesn't have to be that many. A lovelace can be three items, five items, 20. But I do have people who have given this gift to people, and the person on the other end is like, whoa, you know, like, just, you know, they didn't know what to say when they first got it. And typically, what happens is then that person goes by themselves. They have a chance to digest it. They really take it in, and then they come back to someone and say, you know, I've had a lot of people tell me this, you know, wow. I didn't think he liked it at first, but then, you know, even a teenage son, someone told me recently, you know, I made it for my teenage son. I didn't think he liked it. He actually came back to me two days later and said, mom, that gift was amazing. Which teenage boy? Right. So I think that that that is something to take in mind. We're being vulnerable, but the other person is also vulnerable. And I believe we're creating a new culture. You know, I really believe that. And I would hope, and I know you guys are here with me with this, that it's like, it's a movement away from, you know, buying, buying, buying, buying to show our love and instead really cultivating that our experiences are gifts. You know, the memories we share, what we create together, and then how we gift that back to people in forms of these kinds of gifts. It's new in a lot of ways.

Well, I would just say, Sherry, correct me if I'm wrong. I mean, the recipient of these heartfelt gifts, I think it's important for us to remember, just like you shared, we shouldn't place an expectation on that recipient as to how they're supposed to respond. Right?

Exactly.

Right.

A gift. And I think, Tom, thank you for saying that. You're absolutely right, and we all know this, but we can forget. A gift is given without expectation. A gift is given because we want to give it. And when we realized, and this is how it was for me, you know, when I first started this whole world of, you know, personalized gifts, I was creating them because of how they changed me, who I became in the process. And before I even would give it to someone, that relationship was transformed. It has to be, right?

If.

If I'm making a love list for you two and I never give it to you, still, you're going to feel the impact, right? Because I'm going to be. I'm going to be speaking to you differently. I'm going to be more like, sort of focused on all the love I feel for you. I'm going to show up differently.

Absolutely.

So, yeah. So thanks for saying that, Tom. Yeah.

And I was. I want to also point out that the human behavior part of us, anytime we feel uncomfortable, it doesn't mean that it's a bad thing. Right. But anytime I feel uncomfortable, we, as human beings, how we cope with that typically, is to withdraw, to pull within, to allow us some time to, like, digest it down, you know, and make sense of what just happened. So if you give a gift that's very, you know, open and expressive, right. And you're sharing things that maybe you haven't shared in a while or maybe ever, the person receiving that is naturally, just innately, I want to normalize this. Going to pull within and want to take some time to be with it, to digest it down, to get comfortable with it. And sometimes it takes some time for them to come back around. And sometimes you may never get that confirmation. You know, I'm thinking about a person in my own life where I have extended this. Right. But the way they show up when we interact is different. And that's how I know it's made impact. I may never get the exterior validation of that was the greatest gift ever. Right. I want you to be able to drop that expectation. But how they show up and engage with me is different. We're all coming from a new place of, like, appreciation and. And a sense of connection that wasn't available before because we're just sharing and opening up more aspects of ourselves with each other. Right. And that door gets kicked open when we give a gift from the heart like this, like we're proposing. Right.

Oh, I love that. And I love, you know, even in this conversation, like, for me, I didn't know where we were going to go.

Right.

Like, I suspect you probably didn't know. It's not like we scripted it all out. And what I love is what's happening is something much bigger, right. We're talking about something much Bigger than how to give a great gift, which is wonderful.

Right?

I love the idea of giving a great gift. But what we're talking about is what you guys are always talking about, which is how to love better, how to be more intimate in relationships, how to give more and receive more, how to deepen relationships. So what we're talking about is not just this one gift, but it's. It's really transforming who we are and how we love in the world and how our relationships grow.

Right.

Well, and. And I. So I'm so glad that you brought that up. And that is so true. And me too. We didn't know where this conversation was going to, but we just kind of trust Gus, right? God, universe, and spirit that is going to take us where we need to go in this conversation and serve those who are listening. So if you're resonating with what we're saying at this point in time, what I want to say to our listeners is we are going to give you some concrete ideas about gifts. We are, I promise. But if you're feeling inspired about giving a gift like this, sometimes we can doubt ourselves as well. Like, oh, you know, I don't want to make it weird. And, you know, should I say that? Is that okay to say? And what I want you to hear us all say in unison, hopefully, is, yes, give it risk, right? Jump the gap right there and give that gift and just watch what happens. Right? Worst case scenario is you give the gift, you. You share somebody, how you feel, and it's going to transform. Like I had just said, the way that you interact going forward, and you may never get that confirmation, but you'll see a change, and you'll see a change in yourself, as Cherry Sherry had described, and you'll also see a change in this relationship between the two of you. So jump, leap, do it if you feel inspired about this, right? And now we're going to give you some ways to do that. Hopefully we've enrolled you in the idea of what is possible. And hey, if you're in a place right now where this just seems like too much, you know, I just listen in and maybe next year or maybe next time or next birthday, right? Because sometimes we need to build up the courage to kind of take these things on with inside of ourselves. And I want you to know that there's no harm or wrong in that either. Like, be where you are, right? Sometimes it takes conversations a few times to kind of, like, percolate, and then we develop the courage to kind of like, leap when we're ready. Right. So wherever you are in this moment, maybe this is old hat for you. Awesome, right? Inspire those around you and maybe this is something really unique and different and that's okay, too. So just you to help explore it and notice how you resonate with it in your heart and in your body. And that's going to tell you everything that you need to know. Right. We're. We're so much more wise than we give ourselves credit for. So let's talk about that love list. One of my favorite things. I have some great examples here. But. But share with us the loveless process and then I'll give you, well, if.

There'S anything more to add than your brief explanation of it. And it can be. Yeah, just ship. How, how. I would say how malleable this Lovelace can be. That's right.

That's exactly what I was just. Tom, you read my mind, right? So I've said. So, you know, it's basically as simple as I said, right? It's as simple as what I love about you. Oh, I love the memory of when we. Oh, I love thinking about. Oh, I love when you and we can, you know, give people more resources around that. But the thing is, is what Tom just said, Stacy, to your point, someone may think like, oh, my goodness, you know, if I gave someone a list of 10 things I loved about them, that feels too much one thing, right? So I've been this holiday season especially encouraging people, you know, what are you already giving someone where you could just add a little note or two, you know, so maybe you're going to give them a turquoise sweater that you bought them. You know, how can you embellish that gift a little? You know, I'm giving you this turquoise sweater because I love your, you know, the time that we went to the beach and you mentioned how much the turquoise water just brought you to life. You know, just connecting something to it that you love about them, even if it's just one thing you write in a card or right now, after they listen to this, practicing, just sending someone. Like, I will often just find a photo in my, my iPhone. And it's, you know, me and my high school friend Lisa, you know, when we were cheerleaders, and I'll just send her, I love the memory of when we both braided our hair, you know, in the same way. Just that simple, right? It's that simple. But it's, it's celebrating, you know, it's celebrating a time that you've shared together or it's celebrating an aspect of them. But if you are ready for a tiny bit more, let's say you can come up with 10 things pretty easily about someone you love. I tell people you can make a love list into anything, right? So you can just write it on piece of paper. You could, if you have the capability, a computer and you want to put a couple photos and print your 10 things. Beautiful. You know, you could put them in fortune cookies, which is not that hard. I tell people how to do that so that when they crack open a fortune cookie, there's something they love. If you're buying a box of chocolates, sometimes what I'll do is remove some of the chocolates and put little love list, you know, papers, right? So it's, it's a combination of things. You could send someone a postcard every week with one thing you love about them. I mean, it's really sort of an endless. And this is where. Back to Tom's thing about creativity. No matter who you are, I bet that there's some way that you could bring a love list into what you do. You know, if you're an illustrator, let's say that you do a tiny little illustration, you know, once a month and with that you send one, one thing that you love about them or it's an illustration somehow that relates to what you love. It's, it is like it could be anything.

Sherry, share with us. I, I, I, I'm on your email list. I love you. Shared not too long ago about Share with our our listeners the incredible quilt you received. Now there, now there's creativity if you want to go off the top. But this is what Sherry received from her friends. Friends.

Holy cow, right? So not too long ago, I have a group of friends that we've been meeting for years, every couple times, every month. And they surprised me. They made me a love list quilt. So they sewed in. I wish I had it here, but I'm at my mom's house. I'm not at my, if I was at my own house, I'd show you. They, they each like contributed a few things they loved about me and sewed it into the, the quilt.

That's so incredible.

And how, and how did you feel when you received it, Sherry? What was, I mean, it had to be multiple layers of unbelievable gratitude and thanks. But I mean, you had shared in your email. It was incredible.

And you showed some pictures, right? Like, I think at first I was just in shock, right? Because it was so, it was such a big, amazing. And maybe this is a good example of what we were talking about. Right. Because I was on video and at first I think I was just, I mean I was happy obviously, you know, and I was. But later I just started bawling.

Right.

It did. I mean this is a good example. Like I think later when I had a chance to, you know, it was a big gift.

Yes.

And for me, of course also because what they were doing, it was the love list. But they were also showing me the impact of my work. Like they wanted me to feel that. Talk about, you know, thoughtfulness. Right. There's nothing they could have bought me in the world. World that could beat that.

Yeah. So. So well said. Yes. And it probably took you a minute to kind of like you said shock and then pull back and then like digest it. So that's, that's taken what just happened. Right. And how these people.

Yeah, well, and I think that's important. I mean here Sherry is that she's the creator of this body of work and, and even us so called masters, none of us are. It took Sherry a while because it was the impact. Impact of it. So it's, it's important. I can't over emphasize again, not that we. It's not nice to be. Not nice to not be. To be acknowledged and when we maybe wouldn't get that immediate acknowledgment. But that's not how these type of gifts work because they're so infrequent and they're so different than anything that most of us have ever received. So we have to let the emotional part catch up with the rest of our psych, you know, physiological system, so to speak. Right, Mrs. Science Lady?

Absolutely. Well, and you know, if you're joining us here on the live stream video, I'm going to give a demonstration here. I'm going to show you a very precious thing. It's going to be hard for me to not get emotional, but this is a card that I have to set it up. We went to our mailbox like we traditionally do.

And this is a year ago and we were moving between where we live now and where we used to live.

Life was really, really crazy. We were unpacking boxes and it was a Sunday afternoon. We were jumping in the car to get some coffee and we were going to come back and set up the house.

House.

And we pulled these, all of our mail out and there was this incredible piece that came in this brown envelope that was unlike anything we'd ever seen. And we were like, what is this? And without looking at the name or who it was from or what part of the country it was coming from. I was obvious it wasn't a bill, so I decided I was going to open it first. We opened up this beautiful card from an incredible soul that's with us here in the love shack right this very moment. And guess what? She did A love list and a beautiful pop up card, coolest card I've ever seen, Love list card attached to it. And Tom and I, just like you had described with the quilt, we sat there for a minute with our jaws dropped like, oh my gosh, that is the sweetest thing anybody has ever done for us that we work with.

And if you're listening, it's a, it's a card that opens up and it's 3D. It has this beautiful tree and then inside there's a pocket of sleeve that pulls out and Sherry in. That was the love list that Sherry made for us. And again, this was an incredibly busy. We had all our mail and we were on our way up to our new house and this is when we discovered this card.

And all of us have moments where we wonder, do who I am and showing up in the world and what I do. Is it enough? Is it enough? Is it making impact? Does it matter? And we all need to be reminded of that. And that was the gift that Sherry gave us in that moment while we were just in a. An extreme amount of like transformation and chaos etc and it touched our hearts in ways that we can describe. So first of all, thank you for that. But I also want to point out how simple this is. This is a love pop card. Maybe Sherry, you could, you could speak about this because it's a card really. And then she just added the love list to it and it absolutely was.

Well, it's keepsake. I mean, it's as cherished as it is when we received it a year ago.

It sits on our bookshelf and we remind us, it reminds us of Sherry, but it also is a wonderful thing to pull out and, and it's instrumental in reminding us sometimes when we're doubting ourselves about what we do, who we are, it gives us the courage sometimes to rise and go on. Right. It's really that profound. Not to over, not to be excessive about it, but it really is true. I'm not trying to oversell it. I'm saying this is how it has touched me.

Well, I can say I've. I've never received a card like that before. So, you know, and I'm older than a few years old, so there you go.

You Know, and I took, I took this principle to my brother's 70th birthday party. And he loves trucks, vintage trucks. And so those red 1957 vintage trucks are pretty popular right now. We see them all over. And so I was able to find him a tin 1957 truck. And I took your love list and I made a list of all the things that I love and all the things that I remember and cherish about him. And we filled the back of the truck with all of these little notes. Notes and these little envelopes that he could take out and read again and again and again.

And Stacy shares every time she talks to him, guess what he talks about.

He talks about that lovely, that truck.

Oh, guys.

Yeah, it's a little thing, and it's in the back of the little pickup of this, you know, we all, all of the siblings and us, we all put what, you know, what we loved about Greg inside of there. And Stacy said, tom, Greg keeps talking about the truck.

So I just want to say, like, we didn't, I didn't know you were going to share these things, but I love this and I, I love that you're demonstrating exactly what we've been talking about. Right. So somebody listening. It's not going to be a red Chevy. It may just be. Maybe they have a vase that was their grandmother's that they want to fill with something for their daughter.

Right.

Or maybe it's a mason jar and they put some fairy lights in it.

Right.

This is where the creativity comes in. And you, you know, I believe everyone has that. It's just when we seep ourselves, like with you guys, that is beautiful with the truck. That's perfect for him. Right?

Yeah.

And that, yeah.

Not hard to do. Really simple to do. It does require you to sit down and think about what it is you love and appreciate about this person. And we even threw in some, like, you know, my older brother, he was the oldest of the family after my father had passed. And so he was kind of like the guy that was, you know, given the wisdom at the ripe old age of 19. And there was some fun, funny, funny comments that he's, you know, it's, it's. I can't swear, so I can't share a lot of them with you, but I mean, just these, you know, places where he would remind you, opinions are like, you know, you know, what holes. Everybody's got one. And he would say that to me as a, a junior high person, you know, crying because I didn't feel like I fit in. And, and he would say, you know, don't worry about it. Everybody's got one of those, so move on. Right. What's your opinion about this? And so we even wrote some of those in there. And so as we were going through.

Them together, some is everybody has isms. Every family has isms. You know, every friends have with each other have isms, if you will. So, yeah, I mean, I can still remember sitting, watching Greg sitting on his little hearth of his fireplace and over our incredible weekend, and he just was so touched. I mean, it was like, again, hard to explain unless you. You witness it or be a part of it.

Well, and just like we're describing, you know, he would open one and then he would have to sit down and pause and be with it. Right. It's that overwhelming experience. Sometimes attention takes the receiver a moment to kind of, like, digest it down. Now, here's the kicker. I am a firm believer that when we give a gift like this, what has come back to me tenfold, just as you were saying, it transforms the giver is the many times he'll say, thank you so much, and remember when, you know, and this is what I love about you. And. And that has kind of like, cracked him open to where now he's expressing more of those things with me, which is so beautiful.

Oh, Stacy, I love this. Well, and Sherry, that's.

That is the heart of your work. And. And I want to also make sure that if you know, you. Everybody's aware of your book, which I love. I give it as a gift to my clients as they graduate some of our programs. I talk about it all the time. It's a book that's called say it now, 33 creative ways to say I love you. And what's really cool about this book is not only does it give it some of the ideas that we've talked about here on the show, but there's also a QR code on some of the pages, and it will take you to a place where you can visually see some of the creations that Sherry has not only created for herself, but that she has also received in this exchange of gift giving.

Could make a very good Christmas present, ladies and gentlemen.

It really could. Now, Sherry, before we have to wrap this up, I want to give you the opportunity to. To share with our listeners how they can learn more about you and the beautiful, fantastic work that you do and where they might find more of that.

And where's the best place to get your book, too.

Oh, you guys are awesome. I love you so much. This is so Much fun.

I know we need to do this more often.

So my company is called Simply Celebrate. My website is simply celebrate.net so that's where people can find me. I'm on social media, Simply Celebrate and the book is at Target and Amazon are probably the two easiest places to get it. And there really are. I just wanted to also say, I know we got so excited and we, we didn't have time to tell about other ideas, but there really are. All of the ideas in there are meant to be things that anybody can do. You don't need a lot of like, you know, creative art supplies or anything. It's not like that. They're. They're ideas. And a lot of the QR codes lead to gift certificates and things that you could just print out. So beautiful.

I love that. Well, and you know, we do have like 60 seconds for one more idea if you want to throw another one at us.

Let's do that. Let's do one more. That's a little bit of a different thing so that people can get a sense. So the, the thing that I think is one of the best that especially if it's a busy season for you, that a gift certificate for some sort of adventure day with someone. So, and it depends on what they love. Like, let's say a friend is a photographer and so you give them a gift certificate that you're going to take them somewhere magnificent, you know, to just the two of you are going to go and photograph things all day and then maybe you take a picnic lunch or maybe if it's winter and it's cold, you take them out to lunch and you look at all the photos together. And then maybe sometime after that even you send them a few of the photos like it's a way of, like, they love photography. You want them to see that. You want them to know that you really like, value their gift and you want to share in it with them. You don't have to do it now when it's busy in the holidays. You give a gift certificate so you can look forward in those, like quiet days of January to spending time together and then you have like a day together. So to give people that idea also of like, what experiences can you give people?

Well, I would say that's a beautiful segue. I mean, the last question we had is, is, you know, how can you cultivate more meaningful relationships with people close to you as a result of expressing your emotions through gift giving so, so eloquently. So it brings us crosses that bridge of the material part Again, nothing against that. Right into the experiential feeling part, what you just described, right?

So just to start thinking in terms of that, like, I really want people to think of experiences as gifts. Tom, were you going to say something else?

Spot on. I mean, so.

And this takes me back to. I know you sharing some wonderful things that you and your partner have created together that are in. In light of this, right? Where he's taken you and rented a boat and. And got the umbrellas and the picnics and the lunch and the wine, and that's just so delightful. So with the few seconds that we have left, tell us about how that makes you feel when somebody creates an experience around this for you.

Right?

Like, it's.

It's enlivening. And I think, you know, that word just dropped in. But I think, you know, when we do things that are novel, especially with someone we love, right. That's what just brings. It makes everything Technicolor, right? And I think that's what we want to be thinking, like, outside of the normal. Here's what we always do. What can you do?

Right?

Like, yeah, what can you. Like, he rented the gondola, right? Like, in the gondola, person was singing just those two things. It was like, what? Never had that experience, you know? So, yeah, just think in those terms. You know, who they are, what they love. How can you shine that light back on them to show them, like, you are spectacular? Let me share in this even more with you, you know, and create something.

Oh, that's so beautiful. Well said, Sheri. It's always such a pleasure and such a delight to have you on the show and to connect with you professionally and personally. Know that Tom and I just adore you and send off with a ton of love and holiday cheer and look forward to seeing you again soon after the first of the year. Thank you.

I love you. I love your work.

Thank you, Sher.

We love you right now.

We'll see you soon. Happy holidays.

See you soon. Bye.

Bye. Bye, people. If you don't have the book yet, say it now. I so encourage you to get it. It is just an incredible way for us to become inspired about giving some of these gifts from our heart. Hearts that make.

Well, it's the really. It gives you all the recipe. I mean, it takes all the pressure. If you're the left brain person, like, you're like yours truly, again, it really. I can't, because there's QR codes. It's put together really, really well. So it will take a lot of Maybe the anxiety around. Oh, good gracious. How would I ever take on something so really Gift yourself this book. It's wonderful.

We're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back with some Follow the fun. We're gonna give a little giveaway. Maybe it's the.

See, we'll be right back.

I met Stacy and Tom about two years ago. I was at a point in my relationship where I was ready to file for divorce. Not that I wanted to, but I just felt hopeless and helpless. I. I'd been through other counseling and coaching and didn't find any success. With Stacy and Tom's methods, I was able to eliminate insecurities, set boundaries, plant my flag, eliminate rabbit holing. I was separated from my wife for a year and I have since moved back home for the last six months. Now. I still refer back to a lot of the teaching that Stacy and Tom provided and it's helped me. It's well worth it.

Learn the simple three step system to rescue your struggling relationship by registering for Stacy's brand new free workshop. Reserve your seat by going to staceybartley.comworkshop. make it a great day.

Keep your dial on.

Alternative Talk 1150.

Welcome back everybody inside the love shack. Happy holidays. We're going to step up right, right into Follow the fun. We've got a giveaway. We're doing a giveaway every episode this rest of this month.

Well, I think we ought to do a demonstration because here's the thing. We all know that communication is the key to a healthy relationship. But it can be hard to find new and interesting things to talk about, especially when things get.

I would say it's the number one challenge that people come to us for is communication.

Yeah. Well, and here's the kicker. The average couple spends only two hours a day with each other other. And the majority of that time is spent eating, watching tv, surfing social media rather than connecting with each other. And if there's children present, then that two hours is even more challenging. Yeah, exactly. So the conversation cards for connection, they really are the perfect conversation starter for the next date night or simply sitting on the couch together. And rather than picking up your phone. Right. You can pick up a card which we're going to do right now as a Follow the fun. One moment. So here it is. I drew a card.

So if you're, if you're listening, these are, these are our conversation cards. You can go to our website and see them and purchase them. They make a great stocking stuffer, if you will. They're really there. We create them. Because people would say, stacy, okay, I get. I'm supposed to talk to my partner. I don't know what to say.

So, Tom, what movie has made you laugh more than any other?

Oh, we just watched it with our Liar, Liar.

That's mine.

Liar, Liar.

That is my movie.

Movie classic.

It is a classic. And I love that right scene where he says, do you mind?

It was me. Right? So, yeah. So I think. Do we have a graphic we can show? I mean, we're gonna. We're gonna. Again, we're giving away a deck of the. Our new conversation cards, you know.

Yes. And so what we want to do is have our extraordinary engineer, Mr.

Writer, pick a number between 1 and 100. 1 and 100. And that person will be winning a new deck of our newly designed deck of our conversation.

Well, and hold on. We're filling a little, you know, holiday spirit. Ish. I'm going to also throw in Sherry's book, say it now. 33 Creative Ways to say that I love you.

A lot of pressure, Eric. Wow.

You didn't tell me there would be so much pressure. Let's go for 15.

15.

Yeah. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15.

Okay, we'll be part of the email.

So we don't somebody out of Los Angeles, California, with the email address C as in cat.

And part of it. Part of it.

I, M, I, C, K. We'll reach.

Out to you and we'll ask for your shipping address. So there you go. And we're going to do this the rest of this month. If you'd like to buy a deck of these 2.0 conversation cards for connection, you can go to stacybartley.com forward slash card.

And Eric, what movie has made you laugh more than any other?

Wow, that's a good question. There's been a lot of good ones. Just off the top of my head, though, I'll say walk hard. That's a very funny movie.

All right, we'll have to check it out. We can come back and commiserate on this. This is also a great question for you to, you know, use to relate to somebody else in your life right now. Right.

So these are applicable. They're family friendly. Really. We can't overemphasize again, they were created because so many times we clients ask us. So again, check them out. I think that I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how simple they are. So we're going to jump right into what are we feeling as we land this episode. What are we feeling this week?

Congratulations to cnimi.

We'll reach out to you. And just please provide us your shipping address and you get the book and the cards.

So our song. Today we choose a song for every single episodes that we do because after talking about things, it makes our brains think. And now we want you to feel. And music is a great medium to help us do that. And this is the essence of the episode and the conversation that we are attempting to communicate to you through being here with us. And the song that we've chosen today is Pentatonic. And the name of the song is that's Christmas to Me. And when I listen to this song, it makes me review or remember are, you know, Christmases of the past, Christmases, present day, and Christmases that I hope to experience. There was this moment where I thought, man, babe, we're kind of getting to the place where, you know, at best, we might have 20 more Christmases. And that doesn't sound like a lot, right? Or ten more Christmases.

Savor. Saver. Saver.

Exactly. And so this concept of, like, what does Christmas mean to us? It's a beautiful song sung acapella. I encourage you to check it out. You can do that on our website. But let's. Let's have a conversation for a few minutes that we have left here during the show, and let's, you know, have our listeners think to themselves, you know, what is Christmas to you?

Or whatever. Whatever. If, you know, whatever holiday you celebrate, it's, you know, for me, it's. Stacy shared this song with me last night. This is a fun part of our, you know, preparing for our show is picking a song, and I said, okay, that I love. I mean, I had it blaring earlier today. I mean, I love, love Christmas, you know, I love. I grew up out east and then Washington Natural Cathedral. I grew up outside of Washington, D.C. you know, and went and listened with my mom. I know. Don't think I'm weird, but Gregorian chant, I mean, that, like, it gives me the chills. I know that could be a little weird for a left brain guy, but anyway, we gotta. We gotta wrap this one up, honey, so.

Oh, yeah. And. And what is Christmas to you? I mean, what else? Obviously, love the music.

I mean, Stacy's made our beautiful home lovely. I love the decorations. I just love. Hopefully we can gift ourselves a chance to pause, you know, just to take a breath, savor light. We walk around our town here, and the town is decorated beautifully. Just a different. A different energy, I would say. You know, and of course, you know, family gatherings, but we, we, we, we're blessed and grateful to get together with our family all the time.

So, yeah, I think I love the twinkle lights. I think, and I love to, like, drive the neighborhoods and see the lights there. That, that's meaningful to me. While the Christmas music is playing and my new favorite, it. In the spirit of full disclosure.

On that, ladies and gentlemen, we're gonna, we're gonna let you go. You know, have a glass, check out mold wine. Stacy has a recipe. Maybe we'll share it next week or something like that. But until we see you again, you know, know that we appreciate you spending time with us. If the show makes sense, please share it. And we look forward to seeing you same time, same place next week.

And a special thank you to Sherry Ballou for being here with us. Come on back next week and join us as we continue to share share additional ways for you to improve your sex, love and relationships. It's been a gift to be here with you. Bye bye for now.

Bye for now.

Thanks for joining us today in the Love Shack. We hope you came away with something that made your toes tingle. To learn more about everything you heard on today's show, go to staceybartley.com podcast Love the Show. Help us spread the love by sharing the show with others. Okay, everybody, time to go. We gotta close the doors to the Love Shack for this week. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Come back next week, though, and join us for another edition of Love Shack Live with Tom and Stacy Bartley.