#64: Gain The Power To "Speak Naked" with Sean Tyler Foley

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Hey, welcome to the Love Shack. It's a little old place where we get to get together, explore fresh perspectives and eavesdrop on juicy conversations in an attempt to uncover the mysteries that nobody talks about but absolutely influences our relationships. If you are struggling with your special someone or desire to turn it around, the show is dedicated to you. Essentially, we're here to ensure you have what you need to ultimately create love for a lifetime in your own life. We're Tom and Stacy Bartley. We're hosts of the show and are delighted to be here with you today. Inside the Love Shack.

Absolutely Inside the Love Shack today. This is episode 64. We are interviewing actor and performer Sean Tyler Foley, who has been involved in the art since he was six years old after his father passed away suddenly in a car accident. He has appeared in productions including Freddy vs Jason, Door to Door, Carrie and the musical Ragtime.

We're going to talk about all of his juicy stories behind how he met his wife, how he keeps his relationships with her thriving, as well as what he's learned from being a father. Tyler has some fantastic takeaways I know from his experiences of life as well as his career as a performer, and he's going to celebrate. Also ringing in the new what are some small things we need to consider when looking to improve our lives and relationships in 2022? Well, listen in as Tom and I, together with Tyler Foley, share and celebrate the answer to this bottom line question. So stay with us. We're going to take a quick break and then we'll be back to continue this conversation.

I met Stacy and Tom about two years ago. I was at a point in my relationship where I was ready to file for divorce. Not that I wanted to, but I just felt hopeless and helpless. I'd been through other counseling and coaching and didn't find any success. With Stacy and Tom's methods, I was able to eliminate insecurities, set boundaries, plant my flag, eliminate rabbit holing. I was separated from my wife for a year and I have since moved back home for the last six months. Now I still refer back to a lot of the teaching that Stacy and Tom provided and it's helped me. It's well worth it.

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Welcome back. Inside the Love Shack, episode 64. Happy to have you here. Along with our awesome engineer Eric Rider. We're going to step right into the heart of the matter. You're just joining us or if you didn't catch our intro, we have very blessed and grateful to have Sean Tyler Foley, who is an accomplished film and stage performer and has been acting in film and television since he was six years old after his father passed away suddenly in a motor vehicle accident. He has appeared in productions including Freddie vs Jason, Door to Door, Carrie and the musical Ragtime.

Tyler is also passionate about helping others confidently take the stage and impact their audiences with his stories. He's currently the managing director of Total Buy in and author of the number one best selling book the Power to Speak Naked. Tyler is also a father, husband, son and performer and he likes to emphasize it's in that order. His skills and resources have enabled him to become an entertaining professional speaker and a knowledgeable trainer who inspires others to reach for their dreams. We know you're going to enjoy this conversation today, so without further ado, let's welcome Tyler to the show. Tyler, it's great to have you here with us. Straight from Alberta, Canada, correct?

Calgary.

Calgary.

Calgary. Calgary, Alberta. Yeah. Yeah. Where the stampede is wild and the weather is cold.

So that's what we're doing here as well. I don't want to waste a minute of our conversation, so I'm just going to jump right in and I'm. I'm suspect that this might be a bit of a different conversation than the conversations you typically have on podcasts. Correct? Because we're going to talk about your relationships today. We're going to talk about life. Right. We're going to talk about being a father, as well as help us celebrate, create a few laughs for bringing in this new year and how we should approach 2022. So I know that's a lot to cover.

Let's.

Let's jump in. Where I wanted to start in your bio is relationships. I know that they cause us to make decisions. So when your father died, what was the inspiration that led you to show business as a young person? Like, what was that inspiration, and why did you turn there?

Well, I think it was because, you know, I. My father passed away and I was very young. Six years old is, you know, very early in life. And at that point, you don't really have the capacity or ability to process grief or the finality of death. All of those things led to an outward appearance, I would assume, to, you know, the authoritative figures in my life, mostly being my mother and my uncle, that I was probably not grieving or having a hard time processing. And I had taken a very quick shine to the arts. My first grade teacher, Mrs. Nielsen, who is actually dedicated in my book when I. When I wrote it, she's one of the first people that I acknowledge it because she. She really saw a light in me and really encouraged it and got me on stage. And so after my father passed, I think my mom and my uncle were looking for an outlet for me, an emotional place for me to explore my feelings, and not just necessarily around the, you know, the passing of my father, but just emotions in general and stage became that outlet. So I was very, very blessed and very lucky to be exposed to professional theater at a very, very young age and. And work with some incredible talent who I'm still connected with to this day, you know, some incredible directors that through the years have helped mold and shape who I am and make me the person who I am today.

That's so great. I love also how you say in your bio that you're a father, a husband, a son, and a performer and emphasize in that order. Right. So I would love for you to share with us, did that come from performing and these mentorships that you talked about as far as, like, the directors, etc. Or did that come from values or some kind of a combination of the two?

I think it's. It's everything. And part of it is the order in which I have Become those things. I was conceived in the womb a performer. I've been a performer literally all my life. You know, if you ask my mom, I was doing somersaults at conception kind of thing. So. And I was always that young child who always wanted to put on the magic show and all those things when relatives came over and I wanted to put on the plays and hey, watch me read the book or sing a song or whatever during holiday events. And so, you know, I. I was conceived a performer. I then became a son at birth to my mother. Once I was wed, I was a father. And then now I have the joy and privilege to be the father to my daughter. And so in order of experience, I am most recently a father. And that has become my focus where for a while I was a husband and that was my focus. And then I was, I was a son and I will always be a performer. And so my priorities are in that order. My first and foremost priority is to make sure that I'm raising my daughter, that I'm connecting with her, that I'm giving power to her voice, trying to listen to her really understand who she is and help her develop and find herself as a human being. Because it was the greatest gift that I got at a young age was people allowing me to find who I was and not limit my growth or my potential. And then in that family unit, I responsible to my wife to make sure that I'm the best husband to her in our co parenting of this human life. That is our responsibility. And I will always have this life of mine because of my mother. Therefore, it is my responsibility to maintain that relationship and be the best son that I can possibly be to a woman who gave me literally sacrificed everything in her life to make sure that my sister and I went. We lacked nothing. You know, there wasn't anything that I needed or wanted that I couldn't get in life through the guidance of my mother. So, you know, I literally owe her the debt of my life. And that's never going to be repaid. So that's why that order that I believe, I've always been a born performer. I will always be the son to my mother. I strive to be the best husband to my wife and the best father to my daughter. And if I make those my priorities, my life goes really, really smoothly.

Isn't that funny how that works? Right? Hey, I'm just curious here. I wouldn't think a movie set being a place where you would get a lot of mentorship from talent and directors. Just in my own Maybe missed notions or conceived notions about what that experience might be like. I'd love for you to dispel that a little bit for our listeners and for me, quite frankly, you say mentorship and talent and directors were able to help you form the person that you are today. I would think that that would be a challenge on a movie set, but I would love to hear more about that.

Well, and the nice thing is I didn't actually get into film and television until my later teens. I was exposed to theater very early on. And theater and television are two totally entirely different beasts. And so early on in theater, theater is a family. I mean, you are constantly working with the same core group of people for months at an end rehearsing for a show. And there is a camaraderie that just can't be explained and needs to be experienced. And when you're young, it tends to take you out of school. So you do get one on one tutelage. So they always have a tutor that's there for the kids and, and they're, they're never second rate. Right. Like you get the best educators on the planet who are involved in this one on one mentorship and tutelage. And because there's often not very many children in a play, I think the most that I ever was involved with like as far as a core child group was probably when we were doing A Christmas Carol and there was like five or six of us that, that were children within the play and varying ages too, from 7 to 17.

Right.

So when you have, when you're, when you're backstage working with the tutorial, they really get to know you and, and you're, you're around other children who are. It to me, it feel, it felt very much like going to a one room schoolhouse in the Prairies at the turn of the century. Right. Where if you, if you had an older brother or sister who was, you know, learning third grade math and you're in the first grade, well, you just, you, if you wanted to, you could learn the third grade math or you know, you could explore different studies because everybody was learning it in the same room but at a different pace and at different times with different focuses. And so that, that was really helpful there. And then I got to grow up. You know, I had some great actors who took me under their wings and some, some really, really good directors who, like Daniel Hall. I'm still in touch with him and I've, now, I've known him coming up four decades and he'll kill me for you. Know, aging him like that. He's aged well. You know, he. He still looks like he might be 35, 40. And Mr. Hall and I are. You know, I try to see him every summer when I can. I'll go to plays when he was still producing and staging things. But he. He really helped shape me and helped me explore and find who I was as a human being. And theater itself is just an amazing place to explore emotions, relationships, relationships with. Internally, within yourself, how you feel about you and the world and how other people interact with that, how you feel about other people, other situations. Theater has an amazing ability to open your eyes to different viewpoints and different understanding, allows you to see things. So to be exposed to that at such a young age was a blessing and a gift because I could realize that the world was a. Not concrete, that it. You know, it was a very dynamic place to be. And. And the world is constantly changing and that you can embrace that change and that you don't have that. You know, things are not black and white. They're not even shades of gray. There's a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful rainbow and color or spectrum within the world. And theater, I think, has always been that place that first sees it. You know, it's the litmus test of society and really exposes us for the beauty that's in the world and the ugliness that's in the world, and the fact that you can't have one without the other. Like, there's so many things that made theater just an amazing place to be, and I was exposed to that for my entire life.

That's incredible. We teach a lot about contrast, we call it in my body of work, which is just that it's the beautiful contrast of life. And we can learn from, you know, all those colors and shades, not just black and white, but all the grays and all the colors in between. And it's important for us to recognize that as we get better at accepting and embracing and dancing with those shades of contrast, the easier and more enjoyable life becomes because we can flow with it. Right. Instead of fight against it or become so stuck in our opinions about it. Right. So that's is such an incredible environment for you to grow up in, as.

You so eloquently described that theater experience. For me, it's like our closest relationships are ultimately the true theater in life. Right. I mean, that's where we get to, you know, navigate everything that you so eloquently described, you know.

Yeah.

And being able, the blessing that you had. Well, we can all take a measure of that because we all have that opportunity. Because in my opinion there is no more important theater than the one that is of the loved ones that are.

Closest to us and the walls within your own home. So on that I would love for you to share with our audience how you met your wife. When you and I first met, I loved that story.

I love our story too. Honestly, I, I, I. Only an actor could have a meet cute the way that my wife and I did. And for anybody who doesn't know what a meet cute is, anytime you see like a romantic comedy, a meet cute is when the romantic coupling that will ultimately get together at the end of the film meet and they do it in a cute way. Hence meet cute. And my wife and I met at an airport in the most scripted meet cute way possible. Like honestly, when I tell this story, people are like no, it couldn't have happened like that. I'm like, no, but it really happened like that. So I worked for one of the national airlines here in Canada and my wife's father had additionally worked for the same airline. He actually worked for a different airline that got purchased by the airline. And so they, it was a merger thing and then he ended up retiring. But bottom line, my wife had flight passes. I'm originally from Calgary. My wife was based in Calgary but her father had moved to Toronto where I was working at the time. Because with the. I had originally started with them in Vancouver and then got transferred stations out to Toronto and then ended up before I finished working with them, I ended up back in Calgary with the airline. But I'm in Toronto and my wife had come out, she was stressed out with school, she just started into university and needed kind of like a, just a weekend getaway. So she'd flown out to visit her father. Unfortunately, Charles de Gaulle had its, the terminal collapsed. It's a real famous incident, a horrible, horrible miscalculation in engineering. And the whole glass panel of everything fell. And so they had to shut down Paris that you couldn't get flights in and out of Paris. Well, that cascades and I don't think a lot of people realize it. It's that butterfly in Australia creates a hurricane, you know, in North Carolina that you have the, this cascading effect. And so what ended up happening was all of those flights got canceled, which means they needed to reroute a whole bunch of passengers. And so. And the nice thing about Europe is it has a lot of rail travel. So you had a whole bunch of people going over to London, Heathrow and to Frankfurt. And so they needed to get planes to Heathrow and back to Frankfurt. And what. And they. You have all of these passengers who are then showing up that were supposed to be on flights earlier that week that now don't have flights. And so you're putting a whole bunch of people on standby. And as employees, when we're flying, we're flying standby. And the lowest priority, passengers first, us last. And my wife being just, you know, not even the actual employee, she's even a lower priority. I was a C2 priority. She was, but. But she had been bounced off of like, I believe eight or nine flights from the night before and then into the day. I, because I work for the airline, had the ability to look at the loads. And I knew that there was this one flight that we could get on. And so I was waiting and I saw these three girls who I assumed were flight attendants because we all have to dress nice. They were all dressed nice, and there were three of them. And normally if you're just traveling on your own, you don't have these buddies that are getting bounced off. And so I assumed that they were in flight, but what had happened was they had just started to get to know each other because you see the same faces going gate to gate to gate when they're like, and anybody who's waiting for standby, you'll have to go on to Flight 153 and that'll be at gate blah, blah. And you're like, oh. And everybody has the same face. Oh. And we all kind of stumble over to the next gate. So these three had just, you know, bonded communally in tragedy. Right? And so they were just traveling together. So I had falsely assumed that they were in flight. And I swear to you, and I know, Stacy, you and I have talked about this. When I first saw my wife, she was at the, the check in counter, the, the ticket counter waiting. You know, they're all just kind of waiting like this. And I knew that, that I had a 50, 50 shot of getting on the plane. And I, I just kind of knew. So I was, I was totally relaxed. I was like, if I don't get on this, I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna try and get from Toronto to Vancouver because those flights are more regular and more open. And then I'll just backtrack from Vancouver into Calgary and whatever. Like, I'd already. I had the plan in my head and I wasn't in a rush to get there. I was just going for fun. So I had My back to the window in the terminal and I swear the clouds kind of parted just when they were making the announcement. And this beam of shafting light shone on my wife. Now I have a thing for redheads. And if you ask my wife what color her hair is, she'll say strawberry blonde. And I'm like, honey, please say it's red. It's red. You have red. Red hair. And she's passed it on to my daughter. My daughter has the most beautiful strawberry blonde hair. And that's, that's red.

And I have a thing for red hair too.

Yeah, well, naturally. Naturally. And you rock it. So this beam of light shone off of her and it just illuminated her hair and she just looks stunning. And she's dressed to the nines because she's got to get on a flight. And at that time, if you wanted to fly on passes, you had to be dressed really, really well in case you got a first class ticket. So just everything was working in her favor that day. And I just, just, I saw her and I just, I couldn't look away. And so I was like, well, this is A, my chance to flirt with them. And B, I'm just gonna, you know, I'm gonna save the day. I'm gonna be a hero. So I went, ladies, you know, we're not. Don't bother listing on that next Calgary flight. We're never gonna get on it. All the rest of them are oversold for the day. There's this flight that's going to Calgary or to Vancouver that we can get on. And then they have the 45 minute commuter flights between Vancouver and Calgary. Like there's like 14 flights a day. So we'll, we'll. And it's only an hour flight, so we're bound to get on one of those. Let's just go and do that.

That must have been such a wonderful experience to be the captain. Save a ho for the moment, right? Like.

But here's the thing. They had no idea what I was talking about because they're like, who are you and why are you talking to us? I'm like, aren't you in flight? They're like, what's in flight? I'm like, are you flight attendants? They're like, no. And then I got the story right. Jen was. Her father worked for the airline. The other one was a girlfriend of a pilot who was stuck because of the Paris stuff. And so they were supposed to go to Tel Aviv and then they couldn't. And then the other one was a friend of a friend I don't know. Anyway, I was laughing. I'm like, well, listen, let me take care of it. We, we have at least four hours to kill because we're not getting on any of these flights. We want to list on the Vancouver one. I'll buy you all a glass of wine. Let's go hang out. And they're like, okay. So he just kind of followed me. I was in uniform, so I was almost trustworthy. And then my, my buddy Ivan, who worked in loads, was like, tyler, you still. He phoned me on my cell phone about half hour later like, are you still trying to get to Calgary? I said yes. He's like, we've got to get a flight from Calgary to Frankfurt. So I have to send basically an empty plane. And it was an Airbus 330, which is a big, huge, wide body aircraft, seats over 300 passengers. And they were basically going to use it to clear the backload of standby passengers trying to get to Calgary. So they ended up loading this airplane with just, just under 60 passengers. I think it was like 58 or 59 passengers. And then, you know, the, the whole, the flight crew and then the, the standby flight crew to go to Frankfurt. So there, there's only 80 people on this 300 seat plane. And Jen and I, my wife, get sat beside each other. And the way that the 330 is configured, it's a 3, 4, 3 configuration. So you have three seats by the windows and, and then those four in the middle and then three seats in the middle. Well, we had this row of four right in the middle and we just flirted the whole time. And you know, at the end she, she gave me her phone number and I tucked it in my passport. So I had, I had her cell phone number tucked in my passport for a good couple of years. Actually. It was just, it kind of just stayed there. And we were just friends, you know, I, I was, I was solidly put in the friend zone for a good two to three years. And then her dad was getting remarried and wanted. And she, you know, she was having to go out to Pei. I had some time off. I was actually going to go down to Cancun. And so I was like, well, you know, I can actually, I can fly out of Halifax, Cancun just as easily as I can fly anywhere else. So if you need a date, I'll be your date to your dad's wedding. And she was like, sure, why not? You know, still in the friend zone. I was still solidly in the friend zone at this Point. But I just integrated really well with the family. We got along. And you know, because I was just there, I literally crashed the wedding that I became like the gopher. So, like, they'd forgotten the check for the, for the bagpiper. And then we needed to get the check to the church for the pipers. The piper needed to be paid or the piper wouldn't pipe. So I had to go back and get the check. I had to go pick up some cake and I had to do all kinds. So I was just. The gofundme was like, oh, it's so good. And then one of her aunts ended up introducing me as her fiance. Like, we weren't even dating at that point. So how. Fiance came out and I was like, yeah, sure. I didn't bother correcting her. And then when I told her afterwards, she's like, why didn't you correct her? I'm like, I don't know. Kind of like the sound of it. And I think as soon as I said that, Jen was hooked. So I flew down to Mexico, came back, we were hanging out about a week later, and she kissed me and. And it. And ever since then, our fate was sealed.

Yeah, that, as they say, the rest was history. Right. So it actually took you about two and a half years to land the deal.

It was like two and a half, three. Yeah, something like that. 2004 to 2007.

So if any of you are listening, I probably shouldn't say this, but I feel inspired to. If you're strictly in the friend zone, don't lose hope. Right?

Yeah, no, no, just help out at your. At your partner's. Father's.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a super work. I love it. So how long have you guys been married now?

Married? We will be. We've just celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary and we've been together now 15 years. Yeah, we got married on our anniversary.

Oh, that's so great. A year later.

No, four years later. So we got engaged. We got, we started dating. Got engaged two years after we started dating. And I gave her a good two years to back out of it because I, I come with a lot. I'm a handful. I was like, you need to be sure that you want all of the crazy that comes with Thailand. And she's. Yeah. And she, she's accepted it graciously and gracefully. And. And yeah, no, she's. She's incredible. And. But yeah, no, we had a two year dating and then two year engagements and, and made it nice.

Oh, that's Incredible. So. So how do you guys handle challenges that arise? Like, how do you address them in your relationship? Any super tips for us there?

I don't know that I have any super tips. Mostly what we do. I'm lucky because, again, I grew up in a very creative, very artistic environment, and my wife is very analytical. And we really, truly are yin and yang in almost everything in our life. We are polar opposites. I mean, right down to food choices, sleeping habits, like, you name it, we are polar, polar opposites. So we tend to just brainstorm, like, if we have challenges that come up. She is a. She's a project manager, has her designation pmp. So she will break down a problem. And I am very creative, so I like. We play a lot of a game that I learned in theater, sports called yes. And so. Yeah. Yes. And is super fun. Yes. And by the way, works in just about any scenario. It's not just for relationships. This is great for business as well. If you're needing to brainstorm a problem or you have some kind of an issue, no comment is off the table. No idea is off the table. All ideas are valid. And one of the things that I like about it is it forces you to A, listen to your partner and B, validate their opinion. So the way that yes. And works is say. I say to Jen, I think we should move to Dubai. Right? And I've said that to her before. And so what Jen then needs to do is say, yes. I like that. Yes. What I like about that idea is. And then she has to find the nugget within there, because it may be, like, the worst idea in the planet. I could say, I think we should go jump off a cliff. And she needs to. She has to. Yes. And it. Yes. What I like about that idea is the experience of free fall. And we can do it without having to actually jump off a bridge. Or maybe we could just bungee jump a little safer. Right? And so she asked. And I go, oh, yes. I like the idea of the security net. So instead of a bungee jump, maybe we could just go to flying squirrel and experience weightlessness. Because really what I'm looking for is. And so it also helps you dig down to what the root cause is, like, what is the actual problem that needs to be solved. So we. I love playing. Yes. And with her, it's. It's. It's really helpful because it allows her to do her analytical side.

Mm.

And it allows me to explore creatively some solutions, and then she explores her solutions. It's also been a really great way for us to, to have some of those harder conversations, those tough conversations that are really important that you have. You know, like this thing drives me crazy when you do it. I used to I love you, but. And it would drive her into a fit of rage, right? Because she'd be saying a thing, I'd be like, look, I love you, but it won't work this way because. And it's that, it's that negative shutdown and, and the tacking on the I love you before, it just whole there, that was a, a raging fire that I was stoking. And so in the yes. And conversations, we were able to explore why that language really frustrated her. And subsequently, I don't. I love you, but anymore.

That's good, Tyler, I would give you a thumbs up on that one. I also love what you're highlighting here is a principle that we teach as well, where everybody's right and everybody has contribution into the relationship. And what I call a perfect match. Not because you're going to ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after is what you have. And a perfect match is that polar opposite because there's a balance or a foundational piece if both of you are analytic or more of what we would say, the control side, as they say, the fights are epic and so is the sex, right? So, boom. It's really difficult to get two powerhouses that are analytical to do a long term type of a foundational relationship. And if you're both collapsers, right, if you're both in the creative space, expectations, etcetera, then it's. It's tough for us to get anything done, right. There's no task doing. There's no element of like, okay, okay, okay, good plan, let's go. So you need both of those dynamics and typically, right, you can learn to modify them. But typically that's called a perfect match because everybody can contribute their ideas in and you can create that creative foundation to move everybody forward. Because there's a time to collapse and rest and think about and be more of the element of the creative. And there's that time to kind of say, all right, come on, come on, come on, we got to do something now. Okay, what are we going to do? What's the plan?

Well, and I love that.

Excuse me, the.

Yes. And because let's just be honest, when we're challenged, when we're triggered, you know, typically it's one of us will try to control or, you know, or collapse. That's typically where we go. But what has to happen is what you so eloquently again described is a continuation of the conversation in a way where both people are heard, acknowledged, and know that they matter. I mean, that's really it.

Well, what's so cool is that you come up with a brand new hybrid, right, that, that neither one of you could have really come up with on your own. Like you come up with this, oh, that's a great idea. Let's do that. And then somebody sets about putting it all in motion, right? It's, it's a beautiful thing. And that came about in your theater training.

Well, so one of the first principles when you're doing improvisational theater, right? So improv theater sports, which by the way, if you. There are rumors that theater sports initiated in my hometown of Calgary, Alberta, and, and really spawned famous improvisational houses like Second City in Chicago and, and troops like that. But that, that is unsubstantiated rumor. Loose Moose Theater here in Calgary would like to take credit for it and I want to give it to them, but I don't know that it is accurate or true. But that said, there is a very, very strong community of improvisational theater sports here in Calgary. So that was part of the culture that I grew up with. And one of the first principles that you learn is you always plus an idea or. Yes, an idea. One of the fastest ways to shut down an improvisational scene is to say no, right? So if we're like, okay, so we're going to go on a trip to the grocery store. You go. You don't go, no, no, we're gonna go to this, to the theater, right? You go, yes, here we go to the grocery store. Maybe we should stop at the theater on our way there to get some costumes to go. Right? So maybe you want to depart over to the theater. But you have to say, you have to acknowledge that you're going to the grocery store as well. You always, yes. And plus the, the idea. So that's, that's been a theater sports tenant for as long as theater sports has been around. And before theater sports was developed, that was a tenant in theater. Right. The creativity comes from exploring an idea, not shutting it down. So if I want to try a direction, you can't have somebody say, well, right. It's a, it's what that classic stubborn actor. Well, my character wouldn't do that. Wouldn't your character. Let's explore what it would be like if they tried. Yeah, exactly. My character would not. No, no, no. So you always. You. Yes, and, or you plus an idea and and through that, that's where the, you get the real good gems. And that's why this is such an effective strategy when working with any kind of collaboration, whether that's a spouse or a family member or even in the business area.

I love that everybody feels acknowledged, everybody feels heard, and you come up with that beautiful hybrid of what's possible right. In communication as well as. Right. The experiences and where you're going to go as far as, like, strategy. I love that. Let's, let's talk about what you've learned as a father, you know, as we kind of just, you know, work this progression here. I know for me, when I became a parent, that's like a game changer in so many ways. And as I've said honestly and jokingly, my kids have drugged me places I never thought I would go as a person. Like, right. I'm. I'm in situations and having experiences and entertaining dialogue and conversations that I never dreamed I would, I would do, especially now that my kids are adults having kids of their own. Right. So, wow, that's like a ride and a half. So where are you at in becoming and being. Not becoming, but you are becoming and being a father as well in your own life. And what are you learning from that thus far in that beautiful contrast we talked about earlier?

Oh, it's the greatest gift that I ever had, and I'm thankful to my wife every day for it because there are two things that 15 years ago, I knew to be true. I was never getting married and I was never having children. Dennis changed my mind on both of those things. And one of the things that I love the most about being a father is getting to re. Experience the world through the eyes of my daughter. There's a wonderment that comes in an age of innocence where you. She's discovering her world and I get to rediscover it. And I get to remember things that I had forgotten, you know, in the youth, like just the magic and the wonder of snow. I become so acclimatized to, to warmth. Like, I do not like the cold. And you know, I, I remember there was a beauty. I remember and I grew. I grew up in Canada, right? We get cold. And I remember around a Christmas break, I don't remember which one. I was probably seven or eight, getting bundled up, having ski goggles on, the full snowsuit, you know, the snow pants and the, and the jacket and a scarf and a mask and everything. And puffing down in the snow, like just falling into a snowbank and staring up like One of the nice things about where I grew up, I grew up in a very rural community and, you know, my whole family are ranchers and farmers. And we have, you know, you know, unobstructed sky. Like we actually have in around our area preservations called dark sky territory where there is no light pollution there in, in valleys you can see, you know, we've been blessed with some solar flares. The last very large solar flare events the last couple of months. And we've been able to see the northern lights every couple of weeks, you know, and we're fairly far south. Like, I'm not far off of the Montana border, you know, the 49th. I'm on the 50th parallel, and the 49th parallel is the border. So we're, we're not far from the states. And to be able to see the northern lights this far south is, is a true joy too. But I watched my daughter go and puff into the snow one day, and it took me back instantly to the, to the night that I did that where I puffed into the snow and just sat there. It was probably minus, you know, 2530 Celsius, which is like minus 15 Fahrenheit at 15 to 20 Fahrenheit. And I sat there for half an hour because I had this, the mask over and the goggles so like heat around the face. And I was just internally keeping myself warm and I stargazed. And I just. I remember seeing shooting stars and the northern lights and it was a full moon. Like, it was, it was so picturesque. It could have been a postcard. And watching my daughter run around in the snow while I'm going, oh, it's cold out here. How can, how could she possibly do that? You go outside, honey, and now I'm like, no, no, no. I got to embrace that discomfort. And there's a joy in that. And then you have a snowball fight with her. You know, I have her just like, smash me with snow. It's like, yes. And all the, all the rest that comes with it, you know, watching her do her artwork and scribble and doodle and to see her gifts come alive and, you know, just to see a human being develop, you know, from somebody who could barely communicate to fully articulated sentences and thoughts and patterns and beliefs within her own world and creating her own worlds, like, all of these things have just been a joy that's so.

Fun and such a magical place to kind of think about. Now coming into the new year, right, 2021 is coming to a close and enjoying all that magic and wonder that is available to us at any old time. And kids are incredibly wonderful and adapt at bringing those things to light, right? And helping us rediscover and reimagine things and remember things from our own childhood. I know, I know. My grandkids are incredibly wonderful at helping me maintain that place of magic and wonder as well. And I think, you know, that cycle of life, right? There it goes again, right? Your own kids give you that gift and then your grandkids come right back around and give it to you again. And, and if it is possible for us to stay in that place of inspiration and wonder. And that brings me to, you know, 2021. Most of us look back over the year, this time of year, right? And if you're like most of us, we have a tendency to kind of on what didn't work and what we didn't accomplish instead of celebrating those wins and that magical inspiration that is available for us to also see and explore. Do you have any tips as we go back through this review of 2021 and step into 2022 that we could maybe take this review and approach it differently? You know, how do you approach 2021 into 2022 and, and bring along some of that magic and wonder with us?

Well, one of the things is I don't often look back. I'm usually very forward looking and I do like to do the what worked, what didn't so that we can make it work better. And I do that in all things. I do that in business, I do that in our relationship. I do that in just general and for me too, like what's working for me? Am I happy? What's making me happy? And listening to my body too. I, again, being a proud Canadian, I do play hockey and I, I'm a goaltender on top of that. And one of the things that brought me joy through 2021 was when I could get on the ice and play hockey. Because we play hockey year round here, right? We have, we, we have indoor arenas that even when it's, you know, in the high 90s, in the Fahrenheit, in the middle of summer, I'm still finding a nice arena to go play ice hockey. And this is a great way to cool down in the summer too. But I was finding that, you know, with a lot of lockdowns and staying nearer and closer to home and not being as physically active as I would have wanted to be, or am typically playing ice hockey was a great way for me to get out and exercise and find camaraderie too, and some fraternal relationships. And. But then I found that because when you're a goalie, you're really popular. And now when you're a vaccinated goalie, you're like this gem. And so I. My phone blew up in around September when vaccine mandates took place. And so because I travel and, and my work demands that I, that I following most of the health guidelines, so I, you know, I have these things in places. So I ended up playing like eight, nine, ten times a day or a week, which is like two to three times a day, which is a lot of hockey to play. And when you're a goaltender and you're, you know, I'm in my mid-40s now, so my body doesn't bend the way that it used to, and, and so I had to listen to my body in December and, and stop playing for a little bit. And so that's usually, you know, the reflection that I do. What worked? What, what, what made you feel good? You know, what are the things that made you feel good that were good for you? What are the things that made you feel good that were probably bad for you? What are the things that didn't feel good but were good for you? And what are the things that didn't feel good and weren't good for you? And let's focus on those ones that maybe didn't feel good but were good for you and really focus on the ones that felt good and were good for. For you. And let's, let's make those happen more. And I do that in all areas. And so I'm future casting based on past experience. So I go, you know, how, how was 2021? What was working? You know, I found some very creative ways to spend most of the money that my business was making this year. And some of it was fruitful and some of it wasn't. So we've stopped spending the money on things that weren't fruitful, and we've continued spending money on the things that were. And same with the relationships. What, what was working well and what didn't? I know one of the things that didn't work well for me and Jen was just sitting around watching tv, you know, so now we exercise around and watch tv because that was one of the things that worked really well in the studio that I have here, because in between my calls and in between work, I get on the elliptical and I have a very large screen TV that projects behind the camera for me so that I can have proper conversations with the people that I'm talking with. But the TV also tilts so you can be on the elliptical. So I now one of our. Instead of sitting just in front of the TV and mindlessly doing stuff, now Jen will get on the elliptical, I will do work and we will converse about the day while watching tv, which allows us some time for connection and further allows us to be doing something other than just sitting. Gaining Covid weight.

No, that's brilliant. I love how you've taken the don't want. You've been able to turn it into a do want. Right? And that's usually where we get stuck is we get stuck in the don't want. I'm not flipping it. Well, dang it, Tyler, it's time for us to say goodbye. I love your super tips. I love your stories. Been such a great journey and an opportunity to spend some time together. Thank you so much. How can listeners find out more about you and the work that you do and the incredible contributions that you're making?

Well, the best way, Stacy, is probably just to go to the website, which is seuntyler foley.com Sean is spelled the proper Irish way. S E A N T Y L E R F O L E y dot com and they can find everything there is to know about me there. They can can find access to my book, they can find my touring schedule, press kits. In fact, if your listeners go. Now, if anybody's interested in picking up some communication tips from a 35 year industry vet for somebody who's been on stage for a very long period of time, we have a free Facebook group called Endless Stages and the information for that is on the website as well. And it's my gift to all of your listeners that they want.

Oh, that's awesome. Happy New Year, Tyler, to you and your family. Keep up the hot. Thank you, Stacy, in moderation and cheers to 2022.

Yeah.

Thank you, Stacy and thank you, Tom, for sharing this space with me.

Happy New Year.

We're going to take a quick break and when we come back we're going to have a little bit of fun. We have one more giveaway to do as our monthly giveaway for December. Celebrating the holiday, holidays, etc, so we'll be right back. Hey, babe, did you know that the average couple spends only two hours a day with each other and the majority of that time is spent eating, watching TV and surfing social media rather than connecting with each other. And if children are involved, my gosh, it's even less time than that.

I know, babe, that's why you created Our conversation cards for connection because they're the perfect conversation starter. So the next time you're sitting on a couch, rather than turning on the TV or grabbing your phone, pull out a card and get ready for some good old fashioned laughter and loving connection.

Yeah, you can get your cards@stacybartley.com wherever you go.

Alternative Talk 1150 is here for you.

Welcome back inside the love shack. We're going to step right into our Follow the fun. And as Stacy mentioned before the break, this is the last week we gave away. Giving away. We are giving away. We have given away. Gabe, give.

Whatever.

Sorry for that, if I wasn't correctly. No, you're good pronunciation. A deck of our new 2.0 conversation cards for connection.

Yeah, as I would say, I love you anyway. And here's the deal. When you're in a relationship, it can be easy for the everyday stresses of life to get in the way of your connection. It seems like most days we don't have enough time together and the distractions and we're of work, kids, holidays, etc. They can be daunting. And so that's why we develop these conversation cards for connection. So without further ado, right, I want to just show you. Look, you, you open the box if you're listening.

We're showing this on our YouTube.

We're going to pull a card here if you're listening to us auditorily. And, and ooh. What is your guiltiest pleasure? Is the card that I just drew. And my guiltiest pleasure, I would have to say is probably wine. And, and, and the frequency with which it makes me sound like I have a problem, but I swear I don't. I'm trying to keep it under control. But that, that would be my guilty.

We're gonna blame it on Italy.

Yeah, we are gonna blame it on Italy.

So, yeah. And again, beautiful thing is these are open ended questions. So it's a very, very convenient. These fit well in a purse, in your pocket, in the glove box of your car, right on your table. They're cool. They look like an apple box.

They really, they're really cool.

So meaning we want you to use them, obviously. And they're simple, simple, they're easy, you know, put your phone down and pull a car. It's really that.

Eric, we're going to ask you to pick a number between 1 and 100 and help us randomly give a box of conversation cards for connection away to one of our listeners or one people on our fun list right now.

All right.

Well, we've got new Year's coming up, so some good choices here. We could go with one. We could go with 31st, but I'm thinking let's go with 22 for the new year.

Oh, I love 22 for the new year. Nicely done.

2022.

2022.

Here we go.

Not the whole email, remember, just partially.

Partial of the email.

We'll give the first part and please reach out to us. This is a long drum roll.

Okay. Sorry, Jen. J E N N I S S H A C k like Jen Jenny Shack 75 and that's all I can do. But I will promise to reach out to you and we will let you know that you have been the winner of this week's giveaway for some conversation cards for connection. Congrats.

So we're gonna. As we. As we land this, as we always do, we're going to get right into our Follow the fun. So. Babe. I know. Excuse me. You're right. I'm. I love the fun.

You know what?

So grab those cards.

More coffee.

But we're gonna. Can you feel it? Can you feel. We always wrap it up. Can you feel it? And we've got a. A song. You know, you can go to our playlist, but Stacy shared it with me.

Yeah, I love the song and I wish we could play it because of copyright and me not having permission to do so. We tell you about this and hopes that you'll go to our website. You'll check out the Spotify playlist that's available to you for free on Spotify. And we have a song and an for every episode that we've done here in the love shack. And today our song is. How does the new year call to you? You know, it's time for a reset, a repair, and a renew. Wake up. It's time for you to take.

And it's really cool that you treat yourself because Stacy, we watched the video and it's taking place with people all over the world. It's incredible. It really is.

Yeah. It was put together by a Jewish community center and they had centers around the world and you'll have see them go around and everybody from different parts of their community are adding and contributing to this song. And it's. It's quite touching. So I would highly recommend that you watch it. It'll also inspire you to kind of set some of those initiatives in motion as you contemplate what 2022 is going to look like for you. And I just really want to inspire you as you're looking back and doing that review. Perhaps of 2021 that we. We spoke about with Tyler earlier that you'll remember to not only just focus on what didn't work, but to sure make sure that you focused on what did. And then what's working for you and what do you want to take forward and attempt to do in 2022? Don't forget the want and the desire part. Otherwise, as human beings, we tend to get stuck in the mire, and it feels kind of like we're stuck. And you know what I'm noticing as we're wrapping up the show that you didn't tell me what your guilty pleasure was.

I think it was similar.

Right. Wine.

Wine.

See, that's why we have a problem.

Right?

Right. So as we land this, a happy New Year to everybody. If you're listening live, and if you're not. But it's okay. You know what? Special thanks to our guest.

Yeah. Tyler, thank you so much for being here with us. We encourage you to check him out. He does some incredible work on performing and stages as well as communication.

You need some help around any of what we talked about today? Maybe if you're. If you need some help implementing that. Yes. And when we're challenged and triggered with our special someone, we would be privileged and honored to help you and serve you in that way. So reach out to us. That's what we specialize in.

Yeah. And don't hesitate to kick up your heels and maybe do something a little novel, a little different, a little fun this year that maybe you haven't thought about doing in the past. This is what inspires us and kind of refuels our emotional bodies. So wherever you are, whatever you choose to do, however you're bringing in the new year, know that we are cheering for you. We are celebrating you, and happy New Year to you, and we'll see you next year. Yeah, we'll see you next year. I like that.

Thanks for joining us today in the Love Shack. We hope you came away with something that made your toes tingle. To learn more about everything you heard on today's show, go to Stacy bartley.com podcast love the show. Help us spread the love by sharing the show with others.

Okay.

Okay, everybody, time to go. We gotta close the doors to the Love Shack for this week. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Come back next week, though, and join us for another edition of Love Shack Live with Tom and Stacy Bartley.