Debut Show- Anybody Got A Love Story C'mon - We All Do

Hey, thanks for coming. Welcome to the Love Shack.

Hey everybody. Welcome to the Love Shack Live where we have a little place we can get together and enjoy the juicy topics related to love and relationships and of course, have a bit of fun along the way. My name is Stacy Bartley and I'm here with my co host and lover, Tom. Together for the past decade, we have been teaching and loving on people from around the world with the sole purpose of helping individuals and couples to love more and fear less in our lives. And honey, I just got to give you a big fistful. Well, man, we did it. We're here, we're live. We've had a dream of being on a radio show for a decade or more and we finally pulling it off today. So forgive me if I'm getting a little emotional, but this is like a woo woo.

Yes, indeed.

No.

And it is real and it is live. We want to give a huge shout out to the awesome people at KKNW up in Seattle. We're in Northern California, so thanks for the powers of technology. And Eric is behind the controls making us look real good and sound real good. And. And also Dan is the first person I connected at the radio station there they just been a true tremendous team of pros to help us put together. We have one of our daughters that's manning our text line. Let me just shout that out because I'm kind of Tom the detail guy. If you want to text a question, you can text a question at 601-207-0080. Yeah, this is episode number one, babe. We have. We are here. Yes, we are here. So this is exciting.

Absolutely. So, you know, we're going to jump into our topic today. And the topic is, anybody got a love story? And the truth and the reality is we all have a love story. And we're going to not only talk about our topic today, but we're going to take a minute. Being that this is our first show and allow ourselves to please introduce ourselves to those of you that are out there listening who don't know who we are and are not familiar with the work that we do, we'll take a minute and kind of tell you about us and why we feel like we're qualified to talk with you and as well as why we decided to create the show and why this has been such a dream of us for so long. Right. And this is all based on the premise that, you know, the quality of our relationships is directly related to the quality of our lives. Right. Have you ever wondered why it is. We're so resistant to learning the skills that we need to improve them. And this is the struggle that we have sometimes in our work because, you know, in the triad of the things that are important in our lives being, you know, money and health, relationship seems to be like the little wicked stepchild that we kind of push to the back burner until it starts to really affect our lives. And then we bring it to the front and we want to focus on it for as long as we need to. And then it's back to the, you know, the outskirts of our. Of our. Our thinking and our. And our thoughts.

Yeah, I would just, you know, if you study any of. Any of the end of life, you know, stories, usually the biggest regret that people. That people have is around love, is around relationships. The conversations they didn't have, the time they didn't take. So, you know, in this era of reverse engineering or hacking, if you will, those are popular terms in the business world and the health and fitness world. We say, you know, believe me, we do a lot of work with people that are trying to decide if they should stay or go. But how about if we were proactive about it? Because I think at the end of the day, ladies and gentlemen, we're all. If we're going to take it as a business. And Stacy and our business people, as well as, you know, husband and wife, as well as relationship teachers and mentors, is. We're all in the relationship business first. Business. Whether that's really in business or in our family business or in our ultimate, you know, relationships, it's really. Relationships is really where it all starts. And we. I think we sometimes get. We get it turned around.

I so agree. And so to more clarity about why we created the show, which is really kind of exciting and thrilling because you'll notice whenever we start talking or thinking about relationships, maybe in your life, like in our lives and in the clients that we serve, it tends to get a little like, oh, heavy.

Please don't make me go talk to someone. There's nothing wrong. We're just having a little bump in the road. There's a lot that comes up for all of us. It's like you'd almost rather go get a root canal.

Yeah. And so all of you who are out there, as we start talking about these, you know, maybe deeper concepts of our love stories and our lives and. And relationships as in totality, I want you to remind. I want to remind you all and remember that, hey, there's a really wonderful, beautiful side to relationships, too, that's supposed to be fun and juicy and exciting and thrilling and passionate and all those wonderful things that get to come along with relationships. So taking a breath and having a place to come that's fun was a huge thing on the Richter scale in regards to why we wanted to create the show. Right. We needed a place where we can gather and we can have some darn fun and then, yes, explore new ideas and eavesdrop on juicy conversations and discover time tested truths about all the things that influence our relationships and have a place where you can turn when, let's face it, you don't know what to do with that co worker or that partner or that, that pesky neighbor or heck, sometimes with ourselves, sometimes ourselves are such a pain in the. You know what, right? And we get all out of sorts and we turn into messmaking machines. And so where can we come to, like, recalibrate? Let's be honest, relationships can ask a lot. And it's high time that we take a breath and we begin sharing about the things that matter most. Like, you know, food and sex and poops perhaps, you know, believe it or not, poop poop has a place. It has a place in our relationships and our health. And so we can look forward to sharing our incredible peeps with you as well. We have some wonderful people who are privileged and honored to know and to meet and to get to know. Authors and scientists and healing practitioners and sex therapists, doctors. Yeah, we want to bring these fabulous people together. Anybody who's passionate about helping us all become better lovers of ourselves and, and each other is what we want to do here on this show. That's what we're all about.

So, so why should, why should somebody listen to you? Mrs. Bartley?

Let's do it. Let's, let's go into the important stuff, but maybe not so much fun stuff. Right? It's important that you know that we feel and are qualified to talk with you about these things. And so I started my journey in 1996 as a certified hypnotherapist. That's where I began my journey. When my own love life and relationships and my second marriage was coming to an end. I'm also a certified divorce mediator. I'm a certified strategic intervention coach. I'm a graduate of energy and intuitive science. I'm a long life study of psychology, currently working on becoming a psychology degree. Human sexuality is something I've studied quite a bit and I love universal principles. And I'm always studying things like, you know, I'm kind of nerdy that way. Quantum physics and such. I've been a speaker in a workshop facilitator for medical and mental health professionals as well as I've contributed to wellness programs for two Fortune 500 companies as they are trying to grapple with how to navigate us topsy turvy world that we're currently in right now. And that has been an incredible honor and privilege for me as well. And so babe, why don't you take it away and introduce.

Well that's a tough act to follow. For those of you that are old enough to remember the Johnny Carson Show, I'm Ed McMahon. Okay, we can. No, just kidding. No. For the last 22 years I've been a real estate appraiser. You may say, well, what the heck does that have to do? Well, interestingly enough, real estate appraisal is all about much that most people don't know. It's all about objectivity and impartiality. Meaning my job is not to support a sales price if a home is being being sold. My job is to make sure, excuse me, believe it or not, somebody's real money investors money are paying for that mortgage. I always remind people, look, somebody's money hard earned pension money, monies they saved and contributed to invest in these mortgages. Meaning I can't be swayed or the best, I can not be swayed by you know, the two parties that have come together to make this transaction. So and I'm also, I co facilitate with my wonderful wife. We have weekly classes for our VIP clients and our higher end programs. I love doing that. And really my full time job, ladies and gentlemen is keeping this wonderful woman on track. It's a full time job. No, I'm kidding aside, I'm a very detail oriented person. I have to be in my, in the appraisal profession. But really objectivity and impartiality is a great place for me to stress Stacy and I, and in part, and hopefully you'll feel this as you get to know us, we like and do everything we can to say we are a neutral platform and neutral in the sense of we are going to do our very best to be objective and to be impartial. We say the only rules that apply in a relationship are the rules between the people involved. Meaning we don't take a religious perspective or slant or cultural or community. Not that those are bad or wrong. But in our humble opinion, where we are right now, in this time in our evolution as a society and a people, there's a lot of bias and a lot of impartiality in those places. And a lot of place people come to us trying to get out of those situations because there's a lot of guilt and shame and embarrassment. So we come from a place of whatever, wherever you are in the spectrum of relationships. It's all good. We're going to do our very best to have you feel safe and secure when you call in, just FYI, you can choose to say a different name. You can choose to say not where you're from or from a different place, just to keep the safety and security there. And so you can ask your question every time we answer your question, whether that's by calling or text, always going to do our job to help you take your next best step. Why? Because momentum, ladies and gentlemen, and my friends in the mountain biking days used to tell me when I was really scared and going over some crazy stuff. Remember, Tom, momentum is your friend. So Momentum in these places where you feel stuck in your relationship, if you stay there, we find it's not a good place. So you need to take your next best step every time we answer your question. An honor and privilege to do so. We're going to help you do that to the very best of our ability.

And we want to give a shout out to our kids. We have eight beautiful kids between us and 12 grandkids. So we kind of call ourselves a party in a box. Anyway, the party starts when we show up, and it ends when we leave. And continuing the introduction, our kids would say that we like weird foods, like, you know, wooden grass. You know that tastes like wooden grass. Yeah. And it is true, babe. We got to tell the truth about this one. You know, we do like. Like avocado pudding and flaxseed bread with a side of grain juice. And I just need y' all to know that it doesn't mean our taste buds are dead. Not at all. They would also go on to say that we can be a bit of a rule breaker. And I don't know, babe. What do you think about that? I mean, that might have some merit there.

I think you lead the way on that. I try to bring a voice of reason sometimes, ladies and gentlemen. It doesn't always work, though.

But when it comes to love and relationships, Tom and I have both come to realize and accept that it's just. It's part of who we are and that's. It's part of what we do. And I've had to really kind of come face to face. And I love the Mark Twain quote when he wrote, there are two important Days on a person's life, the day that you're born and the day that you know why. And I always get teary about this because definitely relationships is definitely something we were born to do. So that's a little bit about us and why it is. We created the show for you and we want to hear from you. We want this to be a community where you can share yourselves with us, your stories, a place where, right. This is for you. We want to serve and support you well.

And the beautiful thing about questions and stories is we find that all of us have a piece of our story. Typically, even, let's say you just listen to the show, you're not really interested, at least initially, to participate, ask a question, text or call. It's okay because I find when you hear other people's questions, you can take snippets, pieces of your own journey in their question and hopefully in our answer to help you take your next bet. Maybe look at it from a place you haven't been able to see it before. And many times in this arena of life, we think there's, again, there's great therapists, you know, out there in all specialties and things that they help. But they oftentimes we think, like, really like Stacy shared earlier, like if I, oh, my gosh, I gotta go to talk to someone and sit on somebody's couch that I don't know and share. Well, that's one way. But there's many ways that you can facilitate breakthrough and facilitate new momentum, you know, perhaps outside of that. So that's always where we're looking to do again moment. I can't overemphasize because we tend to get stuck, you know, and actually speaking of our, of our eight children, one of our, of our. Of our children, one of our wonderful daughters, Brooke is manning the text line right now as we speak. So this is a group effort. We got a lot of people around us that make this look easy. And you know what, honey? I think it's time for our first break.

I think you are right. And when we come back, we'll dive into our topic. Come on, we all got a love story. And we'll share a little bit about ours.

Do you feel like your love life is on life support? It's time for a turbocharged relationship resuscitation with an alternative to marriage counseling. Head over to stacybartley.com to learn more about their proprietary programs their clients use to save their relationships. S T A C I B A R t l e y.com visit stacybartley.com today.

Ready to learn the most important, important thing you can do to revitalize your relationship today? Go to Stacybartley.com fairydust stacybartley.com fairydust this is the number one thing Stacy teaches her VIP clients that has the power to improve the health of your relationship. Today. Learn how sprinkling a little fairy dust in your relationship can stop arguments and in their tracks, rekindle your spark and take your difficult conversations from the struggle bus to easy street.

Are you tired of sitting on a couple's counselor's couch and feeling like you're just rehashing the past and making no progress? Do you feel like you're holding on to your relationship but panicked you're losing your partner? It's time to learn how to deepen your connection. Finally resolve the arguments that keep coming up. Understand yourself and your partner and create the level of intimacy you've been dreaming of. It's time for love to tingle your toes again. Schedule your private session with relationship expert stacy bartley@staceybartley.com Checkup Talk Radio with a Purpose. Alternative Talk 1150.

All right, welcome back. Let's dive into our topic about love stories. Babe, this is a really important thing because we human beings, you know, we're kind of all suckers for a great love story, but we have a heck of a time trying to embrace our own when we talk about our journeys. When it comes to love and relationships, we tend to. Right. Only want to talk about the good things and avoid all the messy parts. Right. I know I sure did. And this is normal. I want you to know that we all have a difficult time sometimes we with telling the truth about our love stories. And I know that there are things that people now pay me to share that I when they were happening and I was living them out, that there is no way I will ever tell another living soul about this experience. There were so many things in my own relationship journey that I was embarrassed about, right. That I couldn't believe were happening to me and that I was having to live through them. And, and this is true, I find for so many of us, right, we want to talk about the highlights or we want to see the happily ever after story. But what we forget and don't realize sometimes is that real love stories are really messy. And there's a reason why that they're messy. They're messy because we've got to start telling the truth. We as human beings are messy little creatures, right? And if we're human beings, then we've got to start telling the truth, that we are mess making machines and that's okay. That's how we learn, that's how we get better, that's how we grow, that we actually need that. We need to know what doesn't work as much as we need to know what does.

So honey, that's a very powerful term and I know over our years. So when you say mess making machine, does that mean like you get like you know, peanut butter on your face or what?

Sometimes.

Yeah. But what more importantly when you say that, I think, because I think it will really give a collective. We can all take a collective sigh of relief when we say we're all mess making machines. What does that mean? What's the real relevance for people to take away today if you forget everything else we've said?

Oh yes, well, we need to just recognize and realize that we're going to make messes. That things aren't designed or meant in the world that we live in to go perfectly.

Maybe say something we wish we wouldn't have said.

Oh yes, say things, do things. Find ourselves in places and circumstances and situations that we never dreamed ourselves to be, sometimes sitting in or having to face or having to deal with. And this happens for a myriad of reasons. But I need you to understand that if there's a way to screw it up as a human being, we're going to do it. We're going to find a way to make a mess. And we have to remember that this is important for our growth and our way forward because again, we need to know what doesn't work as much as we need to know what does. Now, what's interesting is when it comes to the life of relationships, we tend to take this relational experience and story out and put it into a category on its own. We don't typically marry it with other life principles like how would you pursue a career, right. Or get a degree? Or how would you pursue getting healthy and well, well, you would do it a step at a time. And if you struggled through getting your degree, you wouldn't think that there was something bad and wrong with you. You would start to question whether you could maybe do it or not do it. Or you would start to question maybe you wanted to continue or not knew that once you got a degree you were going to probably get a job and that job wasn't going to necessarily be what you wanted, but that was going to take you to the next step. And maybe you do something simply because, right, it's going to take you to that new job or that new place or put you in an arena where you can gain some experience. Our health journey is very similar. We know that we're putting on a few pounds and we know that it's not necessarily taking us in the direction we want to go. So we're going to try out a few things and see some things work and some things don't. And we are a little more patient with that than we are with our relational stories. But you have to understand, our relational stories are just the same. We turn into better people in relationships and better lovers step by step by step. And sometimes things blow up and sometimes things get really messy. But if we're paying attention, then that helps us know where we want to go next or what was important next to us or what's not so important so much now and what it is I want to step into in the future.

So why don't we share just a little snippet and we're going to share this little pieces along the way for you that are listening live as well as you that are listening through a podcast. And thank you so much either way, a little bit as to how the heck did we ever end up together.

Oh yeah.

So did you make a few messes before you and I came together?

So many, honey. So, so many. But I need you to understand before we get into our personal story that real relationships, right, are messy. And there's going to be a place where we become better at love. Like when we have a crush in grade school or we have our first kiss or we have our first significant relationship, maybe in high school or in college. And then maybe we get married and then maybe that ends and then maybe we get married again and, and that one ends.

And then maybe you get married again.

And on and on and on it goes. And what we want to help you understand and discover is it's not so much about the messes because those are going to happen. We're mess making machines, remember? It's more about learning from those messes and opening up to love and going again. Unfortunately, what's happening right now in the world that we live in, we're making up a lot of stories about our messes. We, we're making up stories like you're broken, like you can't find love, like you can't do this again or you're never going to love again because of X, Y and Z story that we're telling ourselves. And the reality is, as human beings, we have the capacity to love many, many people very, very deeply and to drive this Point home. I just want to remind you that we can love our parents, we can love our friends. If we have more than one child, we really get this. I remember having my second child and wondering if I could love it as much as I, I did the first and then went on to have, of course, you know, six more and realize that each one I could love just as deeply as the next. I've also had the honor and privilege of loving many lovers. Right. There have been relationships that I have been in that each and every one contributed to who I am today. And I thank them all for the gift that they gave me from the bottom of my heart. Because I wouldn't be who I am today or know what I know and have the experiences that I've experienced in my life without the role that each and every single one of them have played in my life. And believe me, there's been some messes, there's been some ups and downs. But as I continued to just step in because relationship was such a part of what I wanted, I was refusing to give up in spite of, you know, divorce after divorce after divorce. Instead, I thought, okay, how do I need to step in and love again? Even though I'm afraid knowing what I know now? And that's how it works, you guys, I want to empower you. To love for a lifetime doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be with one person, but it. But maybe it's going to be one person and that's great. There's nothing wrong with that. But so many of us feel like we failed if we don't get the first one. Right, right? Especially when we're married. And it's a funny thing about that too. Let's just point that out. When do you start counting relationships? I mean, it's the first time you have sex. Is it, Is it the first time you kiss somebody? Is it the first time you go steady? Are we only counting marriages here? Because I'll tell you, there were many relationships I had and I wasn't necessarily married. Okay? So why is it that we, we put this story into such a tight box and a tight context that we're not allowed to make messes. You can see that it's a setup from the get go to find ourselves in places where we're not quite sure how to navigate them. And to me, that's just tragic because you are an incredible human being and you're messy and we've got to stop pursuing the story of perfection. Right? And I love the romantic stories. I love A love story. Right. But we have to remember at the end of the day, the movies that are the stories that we read about in the movies and in our, in our books. They're just stories. I love the story too. You know, boy meets girl or, or girl meets girl, or boy meets boy. Boy. However that goes for you, right? Whatever. Whatever works for you. And then we're supposed to find this one and done. And we're going to have some kids and a little white picket fence and a cat and a dog. And then we're going to grow old together and see our kids live out their lives. And ta da. If we fulfill that, then we're successful. Well, gosh, you guys, it's a great story. I love the story. But we have to remember at the end of the day, it's just a story. And what's important is your story. Your story is what is important. Especially when it comes to your life because your story is going to tell you everything you need to know about what needs to happen next. Yes. Even when it's messy. Yes. Even when you're losing your mind. Yes. Even when you think that you can't go on. Yes, you can. We are so strong. We are so capable of loving again and again and again. So many people that I just want to encourage you. Don't ever give up. Right. We want to love for our life.

So would you say that we've run into more than a person or two, a client or two that has initially sworn off relationships?

Oh, yes, I did.

Would you say that when you, when I came into your life out of the blue, you had sworn off your relationship? Just to be honest, ladies and gentlemen, Stacy's been stalking me for like 32 years. You know, I'll give you just a little tidbit stick. Stacy's sister's married to my dear friend from the fourth grade. So get your head around that. I'll give a little bit about my age. He was my first friend to get married in my group of awesome friends. And I met Stacy in 1978 at their wedding.

Yeah, that's absolutely true. So my, my personal journey with love and relationships started at the ripe old age of 17. Now let's just back up a little bit before that. It actually started when the lid of my dad's casket closed when I was a six year old girl. And in that moment I realized that relationships were really important. All of a sudden I had this moment of realizing I wasn't going to see my father ever again. And he was more important to me. Than my dollies, than my fun shoes, that I loved, wearing my stuffed animals in my bedroom. And that has left a lifelong impression on me about how important relationships are. And it really put me on a path where I wanted to be a good lover, I wanted to be good at relationships because I realized how significant and important that they were in my life. And just like all little girls I had dreams of, right meeting my prince charming and you know, riding in on their white horse and carrying me away. And that was all going really well for me. I remember acting it out, you know, as I would play house and envisioned how that was going to go for me. And I was always really excited about love and relationships. And I had this experience as a 14 year old girl when my sister was getting married, sitting on the front porch of my family home and I saw this car full of men show up. They were friends of my soon to be brother in law. And as these men jumped out of the car and I was sitting on the porch, I saw this beautiful man with a big bold smile and a big old fro jump out. And I just remember having this moment of wow, I hope that I can meet a person like that someday. And I was so struck with that that yes, for the next many, many years of my life, this would be the vision that I would go back to as a reminder that this is what I want, this is what I'm after. Somebody like that, that somebody who affected me like that. Now I can't explain why that was an experience for me because I didn't have any experience when it came to love and relationships as a 14 year old girl. In fact, I was raised pretty naive in that category. All I had was kind of this hope and dream of being in love with somebody at some point in time only to find myself later pregnant at 17 with my high school boyfriend. And that's where my love journey started.

Right, well that's a great place to have you guys. Maybe tune in for the next segment of our story because it's long and it's messy. Honey, I think it's time for break number two then. I understand we have a couple callers that want to ask us some questions.

Maybe we should take a couple callers now because I know we've had some people that have been so wonderful and patient to be holding on the line. Eric, what do you think?

Sure, we could certainly do that. Shall we go to our first caller? We've got Oz on the line calling from Utah. Welcome Oz, to Love Shack Live.

Hey, what are you doing hey, Tom. Love you, man. I'm digging the show. Thank you for helping this beautiful woman dive into her inner soul and grow and expand. I just wanted to share with you. Love you both. Be successful, be well. And, Stacy, I'm standing in front of the beautiful gift you gave me. I will always cherish what you have, what you have given me.

So for the listeners out there, you need to know that this man that speaks, speaking right now, is one of my lovers, and he and I have a son together, and his name is Xavier, and that is the gift that he's referring to. And so, Oz, thank you so much. You have no idea how much this means to me and us, and I so appreciate you calling in and sharing with us.

You're welcome. Continue to journey, sweetie. You have many more wonderful things to experience, and I more than approve. And I enjoy the man that you've selected to continue your growth and your experience.

Thank you, Oz. It means a lot.

Thank you, Oz. What a demonstration. Everything.

Give that son of yours a hug for us.

Yes. Give him a big smooch.

Love you all.

We'll do.

We'll chat later, but. But with all love and affection, I wish you guys with this podcast, tremendous success as you reveal yourself to help others reveal themselves and grow and be the best of who they can be.

Awesome.

Thank you.

All right, talk to you guys later.

All right, bye. Bye.

Bye, bye.

All right, are you ready for another call?

Yeah, let's do it.

Okay, let's talk to Sheila in California. And I know we had a couple more folks calling in, so if you're listening, now's a great time to give us a call. We're at 425-373-5527. All right, let's talk to Sheila in California.

Hi, Sheila. How are you?

Good.

How about you? Oh, thank you so much for calling in. Yes, my question is, my love life has not gone through, so I always struggle with is there really any hope for me in the future?

And just kind of wondering if you.

Had any advice there. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Sheila, there is always hope for love that never goes away. And I want you to continue to believe in your dreams around love and believe in your ability to love fully. And you're so capable of that. Sheila, you are such a lover by nature, right? So continue the journey. Please keep stepping in, and please listen to your heart. You know, sometimes we get so attached to the love story that we forget to check in with ourselves about does this really work for me? And it's just going to take me where it is. I want to go. And so much of that has to do with a journey of trusting ourselves when it comes to love and relationships. And I'm just going to remind you, you absolutely can trust yourself. You know you know what you need. You know you have the capacity to love. You know that you can do this, and I know you can do this. So step forward boldly and confidently, and the journey is going to take you where you need to go. 100% that. I'm so excited for you, Sheila. I am totally so excited for you to see what happens next. Okay, well, thank you so much. Thank you. Squeeze. Bye.

Bye.

Very nice calls. Are you ready to take a quick commercial break and come right back?

Yep.

Yes. That sounds great.

All right, everybody, Stay tuned for more Love Shack live. Are you tired of sitting on a couple's counselor's couch and feeling like you're just rehashing the past and making no progress? Do you feel like you're holding on to your relationship but panicked you're losing your partner? It's time to learn how to deepen your connection. Finally resolve the arguments that keep coming up. Understand yourself and your partner and create the level of intimacy you've been dreaming of. It's time for love to see tingle your toes again. Schedule your private session with relationship expert stacey bartley@staceybartley.com checkup.

Ready to learn the most important thing you can do to revitalize your relationship today? Go to stacybartley.com fairydust stacybartly.com fairydust this is the number one thing Stacy teaches her VIP clients that has the power to improve the health of your relationship today. Learn how sprinkling a little fairy dust in your relationship can stop arguments in their tracks. Rekindle your spark and take your difficult conversations from the struggle bus to easy street.

Do you feel like your love life is on life support? It's time for a turbocharged relationship resuscitation with an alternative to marriage counseling. Head over to stacybartley.com to learn more about their proprietary programs their clients use to save their relationships. Staci b a rtly.com Visit stacybartley.com today miss a show on KK&W. Check out 1150 KK&W.com for podcasts of many of our programs. That's 1150 kknw.com.

Thank you so much for calling in. I love the call ins. They're my favorite part. I've always had a dream of, like pulling up a chair in the middle of a stage and just saying, okay Guys, what do you want to talk about?

So I think we have another caller, Eric. Yes, we do.

We've got Suzanne on the line calling from San Francisco, California.

Awesome. Welcome, Suzanne. How are you? Good, how are you? I love that you called in. Thank you so much. What can we do for you today? So I was wondering, so you know.

How a lot of people are out.

Of jobs right now. And I overheard my significant during an.

Interview and I wanted to give him some advice and I tried giving him some advice and he kind of took it a little hard. And I really want to help him, but I'm not coming at it correctly because he's just getting a little defensive and I really just want to give him advice. So what would you recommend?

Oh, I love that. What a great question, right? Sometimes what we want for our lovers, right, we get so impassioned about and that we sometimes don't recognize that we're stepping over what we refer to as emotional boundaries. We want to help, we want to support, and sometimes we jump in. And maybe they don't necessarily want it, and it's not necessarily that they want it right now, but maybe they're just not in a place where they can actually receive it. So what I would recommend that you do, right, is say something along the lines of, hey, I'm so excited for you and I want this to go well for you. And I have some things I would like to share with you that I think might be helpful. Will you let me know when you're ready? Do you want to hear it? Right? Because then we're asking them to invite us in instead of us kind of like steamrolling in and saying, okay, here's what you need to do, right? You're going to do this. And you, oh, don't say that. That's horrible. And not that you're saying it. I'm sure you don't say it like that at all. I'm just kind of over exaggerating the situation. But that's the difference between inviting, right? Saying, hey, I really would like to help and support you, right? And I have some ideas that I think would be really helpful. Would you like to hear them? That creates the opening for you to be able to step in and say, okay, well, so here's the deal. And if they say, no, here's the hard part for us, especially when we love and care about people, right? The hard part is when they say, actually, no, I don't want to hear what you have to say. And then we go, oh, that's a Good point. Right. Then you're going to have to breathe through it and come back again. Just say, really? Because I really think they'd be helpful. Because there is no value in overstepping that emotional boundary and just slamming them with it anyway. They're not going to receive it in a way that's going to be beneficial. And the gift and the contribution that you have to give is not going to be received, unfortunately. So you're ready to wait.

And I would say, remember, it's just like, like Stacy shared, we like to. We teach and coach a lot about. Remember an invitation. Think about it. When we receive an invitation, whether it's like, you know, in the mail or to a party or marriage, remember, we can choose to say yes or no. Okay, so the same thing would be just like you said. Well, what if he says no? I'm actually not interested. Well, remember, he's choosing to not accept your invitation, but at least you have been asked to be invited.

Yes. And you know what, Suzanne? It doesn't mean you can't invite again and again and again. Hey, I really think this would be helpful. You know, how about now? Would you. I can see you're really frustrated. Right? And. And I know that you're getting defensive and. And I'm feeling and sensing that you don't want to hear what I have to say, but I really think I have some things that would help about now. So just like, you know, Tom's metaphor of the invitation, don't forget, it's not a one and done deal. You can invite and invite and invite again. Okay. I like that. I will definitely use that advice and put it to work and see what happens. Thank you. Thank you so much for calling in, Suzanne. I so appreciate you. Big squeeze. Have a nice day.

Yeah.

All right, you too. Thanks.

Bye. Bye.

Bye. All right. And we have a. We have a. We have a question that was texted to us as well. That's really, really good. So how about if we take that right now?

Yeah, you're gonna have to read it to me.

Okay, here we go. So as I'm trying to take a flyer and a risk with a new job, not a relationship, what three things helped you start a new initiative IE radio show? I get a little bump push to leave comfort and to lean into what I want versus don't want. So can you give me three practical pieces that were instrumental to take a risk that help you journey to create Love Shack? Thanks, Jeff. This is from Jeff.

Wow. Yes. You know what? Okay, here's the deal. When we go into trying something new. There's always going to be a place where we're nervous and we're excited. And I have always experienced that and referenced that as you're at the edge of what's possible and what's, what's the new beginning there for you? In the spirit of full disclosure, before starting this radio show today, I was a wreck, right? Not necessarily a wreck wreck, but I mean, I was nervous and I was excited and all right, I get this sensation in my emotional body and in my physical body that I'm going to try something new, that this is going to be a big leap forward for us and for me, right. As we embark on some of these things that we want to pursue. And so we have to understand that that's just what it is. It doesn't mean that it has to stop us. It doesn't mean that it's not a great place to go and do. Because if we only did the things that were comfortable for us, let's be honest, as human beings, we wouldn't do much, right? Because everything that helps us grow, everything that we want and desire is on the other side of feeling uncomfortable. And so there's some choices that we have to make there. So that would be the first practical thing that I would give you, is if you're feeling inspired to go, to step in, to do, to pursue, allow yourself to do that, right? Go to the open doors where you feel excited and you feel thrilled and yes, you're going to feel a little nervous, your stomach's going to flip over, your armpits are going to get a little sweaty and you're going to panic and wonder, can I do this? Can I do this? But yes, you can. And we don't realize that we can until after we've done it. And unfortunately, I'm not quite sure why. You know, the universe is rigged that way, but it is. We don't get the self confidence and the know how and the understanding that, oh my gosh, I'm so more capable than I ever thought I was. And never does this play out bigger and bolder than in love. That's the place we risk the most, in my personal opinion, because so much of it gets put on the line. So you've got to push through that, realize that the excitement, or what we would say is the fear is the thing I push against in order to grow and become all that I have the capacity to be. So that would be the first thing I would say. Go where you feel inspired to go and just recognize and realize that, that feeling, that one right there, that's normal. That doesn't mean you're going in a wrong direction. It doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It means I'm about to say step into something I've never ever done before. Right. I don't want to mess this up. Number two, what helps me is I'm going to encourage you to play out a movie in your mind. We tend to go to negative movies instead of positive movies. I want you to create a positive movie about how things are going to go well. Right? Don't keep playing the old movie about, oh, my gosh, what if this doesn't go well? Nobody. What if nobody shows up? What if nobody calls in? What if, what if, what if, what if I'm a disaster? What if I don't know what to say? What if I get all tongue tied? These are my what ifs right here, now, today. Instead, I had to say, this is going to be so much fun. And what if people tell us, that was a great first show and we were so inspired and we were so excited and thank you so much. You really helped. We had such a blast and it's going to be so wonderful and I can't wait to do the next one. That's what I'm talking about. Create a movie for all the things that you want and all the things that you want to experience out of whatever it is you're pursuing. And yes, in love. Right? Instead of, what if this doesn't work out? What if this is a disaster? What if it's the greatest thing ever? And what if it takes me to bigger and bolder and more wonderful places inside of myself and it just gives me so much more to explore and to become and to be. Right? So that's number two. You've got to turn that negative movie that just tends to play and take charge of our lives into something, something that inspires you. Right? Because then you feel better stepping in and literally jumping off the edge. Number three, find a place where you can acknowledge the person that you are again. We are all, as human beings, so much more capable and powerful than we give ourselves credit for. So I would recommend you put your hand on your heart and you say, I am capable of. I am enough. I can do this so that you can garner some confidence and belief inside of yourself. Because, you guys, this is where we fall down. Not just in love, but in life. We fall down because we don't believe we're capable and then we never push the edge to See what's capable, what we're capable of. So we're left with, oh yeah, see, that wasn't going to work out. Oh, yeah. See, I knew they weren't going to love me anyway. Oh, yeah. You know, we go off on that little tangent instead of pushing what's possible for us. So those would be my three takeaways for you. Go get them.

Thank you, Jeff, for that text. I understand we have a. We have a next caller, Eric.

Yes, we do. We have got Michael calling from Maryland on the line right now.

Awesome. Michael.

Hi, Michael, thanks for calling in. How can we help you?

You know, I wanted one. Thank you so much for the show. This, you know, I think this whole conversation about love is complex. Just kind of what Stacy is just saying right now. And yet it's important and I wanted to share if I could, kind of a fairy tale and a good news story about love.

Absolutely, please.

So I. Two years ago, about two and a half years ago, I came out of what was a really positive relationship and it ended not because of my choosing. So that of course was difficult as I think it would be for anybody. And there was a lot of heartache and grief. And so after a while I figured, okay, it's time to jump back in the pool. And I used what most of us, or many of us use in terms of online dating. And I was successful in the sense that I met some really great people, but there wasn't that connection that I was looking for. And I love Stacy's use of the word the universe. Ultimately what happened is I was. I'm pretty regular about working out and there was this young woman who started to work, to work at the gym and I knew she was younger than me. And to make a longer story short, something happened and we had this conversation and then we went to get something to eat just under the guise of speaking. And afterwards she texted me and said, thank you for speaking and by the way, I think you're really sexy.

I love it.

You would say, ooh la la la.

And you know, I really. Women are really important to me. And I don't say that this is kind of an offhanded comment, but I have great respect, I have really powerful, extraordinary women in my life. And so point being, I really need an obvious signal.

Obviously.

So again, knowing you have, I'm sure you have other callers, but what's happened out of that is this extraordinary relationship that we celebrated our two year anniversary about a month ago. Two months. And it is just. And this person is 20 years younger than I. And that wasn't my demographic on my social or online dating. It just happened. The universe connected us in this profound way. And every day I literally have to pinch myself because this person and I are so connected. I give thanks for the previous relationships, both the wonderful person I was married to and then this other relationship as I think they prepared me to show up. But it really has been a love story, a fairy tale, and I just wanted to put that out there maybe as a hope for people who don't know if that person is out there. And I'm here to tell you they are.

Well. And if I may ask, you know, when your previous relationship ended, what did you believe was possible? What were the what ifs that were actually playing in your thinking at the time?

I figured I'd be single for the rest of my life.

So was that a pretty difficult transition from where you were and ended up?

Oh, Tom. Yeah, it was. It was unexpected, and it was a really good relationship. There were some, you know, if I look back now and processing, there were some things that were missing. And yet this person and I were really good friends. And so I think, obviously that's a important foundational piece. And yet there were some romantic aspects, but I thought, okay. And so when it ended, I had this. I had a lot of what I would think are reasonable expectations in terms of the future. And it is, you know, kind of the quintessential. It was the rug being pulled out. And I don't do real well with uncertainty and being middle age and having my own conversation. And I guess I love Stacy's vernacular about movie. I had this very negative, almost a whole horror film playing in my mind that, you know what, the chance for me to be truly happy in a relationship, really, that ship has sailed. So I don't know what. So, yeah, Tom. Really, really, really difficult and a tremendous amount of grief, which I had not expected.

And I so love that you brought that up. And why this is so important is because when our relationships end, we tend to go into this. And you pushing through that, look what it produced. Right. Which is what we were talking about just a few moments ago with the person, Jeff, that texted in that there is always love out there for us. It's will we push through these difficult places to see that. Oh, my gosh, there it is again. I can love again. I can step in. And now look at this extraordinary, what you called fairy tale, this playing out for you with a woman that's 20 years younger. Who would have ever guessed, right. Who would have ever known. Right. That that was for you.

An important point about the grief point, Stacy, is I had an amazing person to assist me. And I think especially for we middle aged men, I think that we look at that we have to take on these problems by ourselves. And I thought that and yet this amazing soul helped navigate through that grief, which I don't think had I not had this navigator, somebody at the helm with me, I wouldn't have been at the place where I could meet this person and have this extraordinarily gorgeous and brilliant woman who I just look at. Most of the time my mouth is just open because I'm like, wow.

Well, thank you, Michael, for calling in and sharing a fairy tale. They are. They are. Thank you.

And thank you so much for sharing the realities of what a love story looks like. I so appreciate that. Have a beautiful day.

All right. I think we have to take our last break.

Gosh darn it, honey, I can't believe we're done. You know, I thought I was so nervous, but I can't believe we have.

To take our last break. Coming to a close, our obligations to our wonderful station.

Well, actually, we can skip that break if you like, because we've only got about three minutes. And I know you probably have something you want to wrap up the show with today. And I do want to thank all our callers. We've had quite a few great callers. What great stories. Can't wait to have more people call in next week here on the show on Love Shack Live.

Oh, us too. That's my favorite part. And to share more of our story with you, I know we didn't get too deep into it today, but we will. Believe me, it'll trickle out. You guys will probably get to know more about us than you care to know. So let's wrap this up today with a couple of points here. The first one is I want you to know that you are, wherever you find yourself today, whatever is going on in your life, you are capable of loving again and again and again. And you are so much more capable and strong than you think you are. I want you to celebrate your love story. Sure, it's messy, but they all are. And it's a story that's brought you here today. So I want you to empower yourself in remembering that it's okay to love your story, even all the messy parts. I want to tell you a little bit about next week's show as well. We're really excited about a guest we're going to have on next week It's David Woods Bartley, and he's going to be joining us to talk about mental health and how is it that we love somebody that might be struggling with some kind of a mental health challenge. Currently he's a TEDx speaker and he's spoken to universities and law enforcement corporations around the country. Absolutely.

I mean, I think we can all look around and understand there's a lot of mental health challenges going on all around us. I don't think any of us have to look too far outside of our ring of relationships to understand. So. But this is going to be specific to, you know, Stacy and I, we work with, with, you know, couples that where one person struggles and the other doesn't and so how do we love someone and what's the best way to do that? David's going to give us some real actionable. What does he say? It's.

Well, I love how he puts it. In David's words, it's. Mental health is complex. It's a complex problem, but the solution is actually quite simple. I'm also going to leave you with a song by Taylor Swift called Love Story for those of you who are listening on the podcast. You can catch it on the show Notes. For those of you who are listening live, Eric might have a second or two to play a little snippet for you. We'll try and do that every show we have. Take away a piece of art or music that will inspire you throughout the week and until we see you again, Eric is at that time to sign off.

It is that time. So let's go out with a little bit of Taylor Swift Love Story, as you said.

Thanks, everyone.

See you next week. Know that we're sending you extraordinary love along with the power to create it in your own life. Have a blessed week. We were both young when I first saw you I closed my eyes and the flashback starts. I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air.